kim yammers on

Cute

2012-01-31T22:45:00.003-06:00

This morning I was busily packing up the car to leave for work and school while the boys played together in the living room. When I came back in to collect them, Gabriel was sitting and just watching Joel run around like a crazy person. He turned to me with a big ole smile on his face and said, "Mommy, that's the best baby that ever came out of your tummy!"

I love that kid. I told him that they BOTH were.

Christmas 2011 pictures

2012-01-30T07:18:00.006-06:00

Dreams of somewhere else.

2012-01-28T22:10:00.000-06:00

As much as I love the city I live in, living in Texas has become very problematic to me. We spend the whole summer sweltering and miserable. It's too hot to even go swimming for gosh sakes. So we gripe and complain and can't wait for cooler weather.

Then the cooler weather comes and we have a couple of months of happiness before the seasonal allergies really kick in. Then Gabriel, Joel and I start our round robin of continual runny noses, coughing, fever and generally miserable states. Even though we all need fresh air, I hesitate to go outside because I feel like the air is poisoning us. I never open the windows, even on nice days when it would be wonderful to air out the house. We diligently empty and refill the humidifiers nightly. We spend around $100+ extra per month on prescription and over-the-counter medicines. We take the boys' temperatures so much we start just leaving the thermometers on the counter after washing them off instead of putting them back in the cabinet. We buy AT LEAST the three-pack of Kleenex boxes every stinking week.

I sometimes get tired of seeing the boys like this, and take them to the doctor, only to be told that it just needs to run its course. How I hate wasting that co-pay. Or sometimes the doctor will think they've been sick too long and must have a sinus infection, and give them antibiotics. I am not one to advocate antibiotics when they're not needed, but I must confess I am a happy soul when this happens because I know we will have at least one of us that feels better for a couple of weeks. Then it starts over again.

I went to have the allergy testing done in September and found out that I'm not allergic to mountain cedar, like I thought all of these years. On a scale of 1 to 4, I had ones on a great many things, twos on a couple of grasses and a mold, a three for dog hair (which almost made me utter a great big WTF in the allergist's examining room), and a four for a very common kind of mold. I'm assuming that dead oak leaves must have this mold, because after I raked leaves for 20 minutes one day back just after the holidays, my allergies ramped up and I've been battling ever since. It also may not be helping that we decided on a long-haired dog. At first he didn't seem to shed, but now when I brush him quite a bit of hair is coming off of him. He doesn't seem to lose it in big tufts that drift around the house like Molly did, though, so I don't think I can blame much of my suffering on Tucker.

What I can blame it on is freakish weather changes, sometimes damp and sometimes dry wind, and very little freezing weather. Hmmmmm. Sounds like just plain ole Texas winters. Living somewhere with cooler temperatures in the summer and vegetation that doesn't make me want a sinus transplant sounds so refreshing. Canada isn't too far away, is it really? And it's not really THAT cold, is it?

Mountain men they will never be...

2012-01-18T21:45:00.000-06:00

...and I'm not so sure that's a good thing anymore.

Let me try to explain the genesis of my crazy thinking.

I think we have done a good job in starting the boys off on the right foot academically. They love to read, learn, and ask questions. I think as parents one of our main goals is to help them get "book smart". We want them to WANT to go school, make great grades, and get into a fantastic college. But what about common sense stuff? Or practical life lessons? Neither one of us can work on cars, figure out how to fix plumbing problems, or build things with wood. The only things I feel I can contribute on a practical level (besides basics like doing laundry) is to teach them about gardening, and possibly growing their own food.

But what if they need more than that to survive one day? What if something catastrophic occurs to take away our comfortable and relatively easy way of life? What if the food or water supply was contaminated or rendered somehow unsafe? Every time a story breaks about bacteria infecting people from a food source it scares the crap out of me. I think we have a tendency to hold onto blind faith that whatever is on the shelves of our grocery store is 100% safe to eat. Or what if global warming kicks in sooner rather than later, and drought becomes the norm? All of a sudden there's not enough food to feed everyone, and things start to get ugly.

Paranoid thinking, maybe, but not completely farfetched.

A couple of years ago, we were kind of sad to realize that there was no one to take Gabriel (this was before Joel) fishing. Well, we could take them, and I know how to attach a lure to the line and cast it. But if I ever caught a fish I wouldn't know the first thing about releasing it, let alone keeping it to clean, filet and serve for supper. My Uncle Robert used to take my family fishing, and although he threw most of what we caught back, he would sometimes keep one of the bigger ones and we would have some beautiful fresh fish filets for dinner that night. My mom, coming from a family of uncles on her dad's side that actually fished the Gulf commercially, claims she used to know how to clean them, but isn't too jazzed about trying it again. My dad would go fishing with his grandfather, Daddy Buck, but Dad never had the patience to actually sit and fish. He loved to hike, so that's what he would do while his grandfather fished.

Uncle Robert and his brothers all hunted too, and and could skin and butcher a deer without thinking about it. After all, their father (my maternal great grandfather) had been a butcher for his career. I have second and third cousins who killed their first buck before they were 10 years old. I used to play just outside my Uncle Robert's smokehouse, where he had different cuts of venison hanging everywhere and the smell was sometimes horrible, sometimes heavenly. But my parents never got into the hunting way of life. In fact, my Dad may have gone along on some hunting trips when he first started meeting my mother's family, but never had the stomach for killing another living creature. Which is the way I feel about it too.

Jav's dad never got into hunting or fishing either, and Jav himself was too busy playing baseball to worry about the outdoorsy stuff. So the boys have little or no knowledge to gain from their dad. Which up until now wouldn't really have bothered me. I've been a hater of guns and hunting for some time now. When we started having children, I just assumed they'd grow up in a gun-free home. That included toy guns, in my opinion. So other than a tiny plastic water gun that didn't work that someone gave him last summer, Gabriel hasn't had the word "gun" in his vocabulary. But he recently went to a classmates' cowboy-themed birthday party where the party favors were a hat, bandana and plastic water gun. He had a great time once he got home getting dressed up, especially once I told him there were some boots in his closet that someone gave us that probably almost fit him now. Then he told me while driving to school one morning this week that one of Tita and Tito's neighbors has a BB gun in his garage. How, I asked, did he know this? Because Tito took him to say "Happy New Year" and the man let him hold the BB gun, and may have even let him shoot it. The details are sketchy.

But the thing is, I am starting to wonder if they might someday NEED to know how to hunt or fish for their own food.

We would love for the boys to get involved in Boy Scouts, and my dad and I are on the verge of taking Gabriel on his first hike at the Fort Worth Nature Center. But even if they love it, it doesn't mean they'd end up even more outdoorsy. I asked Jav what he thought about getting them a BB gun when they're a little older, but only to shoot at targets in the back yard. He thinks I'm crazy in thinking that they won't try to aim at any animals. I wondered about archery electives, or taking them skeet shooting. At least they could practice at hitting a target. But the thing is, you could practice on non-living things your whole life, but it wouldn't give you ANY sense of what it would be like to actually track and kill a living creature.

There is a scene in "Into the Wild" that really grabbed me and forever changed me. It's towards the end of the movie, and college boy Chris McCandless has hitchhiked all the way to Alaska in his quest to turn his back on the establishment. He has read countless books on surviving in the wilderness. He kills a moose and is attempting to skin and butcher the animal before the meat starts to rot and becomes inedible. And this is where he realizes that reading things out of a book, no matter how fierce your determination to to them, is not the same as real life experience. He fails, and I felt his agony of realizing that not only did he kill that majestic animal for nothing, but that may have been his last chance in finding real food for a long, long time.

So would the boys be able to turn into Mountain Men in a pinch, without having grown up going hunting and fishing? Probably not. I guess we need to hope that they become so successful after college that they have the money to hire someone to do it for them. And I'll have to keep pondering that BB gun issue.

Tucker

2012-01-07T02:01:00.002-06:00

In early November, we finally decided it was high time to get another dog. We lost Molly all the way back in July. And along with missing having that furry companion around who is just so glad to see you every time you turn around, I missed having the security of a dog in the backyard and house. We recently had a steady stream of daytime break-ins in our neighborhood, where the thieves took big-screen TVs, laptops, jewelry, etc... They usually hit between 1 and 5 in the afternoon, but never in occupied homes, and never in houses with dogs. I swear having a dog is a better deterrent than an alaram system.

We narrowed our types of dog mixes that we wanted to German Shepherd, Doberman, and maybe Rottweiler, although we read some disturbing things about having Rotties with kids that made that group a big maybe. We decided that if it was a German Shepherd we would be ok with a slightly older dog (no more than 3), but a Doberman or Rottie would need to be a puppy so we could train it from day one. We did some research online, asked some questions to our vet, and then Jav went to the Humane Society to check out some of the ones we were interested in. It was a grueling process to see all of the sweet dogs needing homes, and I couldn't spend any time on the Fort Worth Animal Control site. There were so many, and half the time they wouldn't even bother to determine much about the dog to try to get it adopted. Depressing.

Jav came home talking about a dog that wasn't on their website. His name was Stallone, and he was a 5-month-old Rottie mix. He thought that of all the dogs he observed, this one was the calmest and seemed to be sweet and well-behaved. He also fell in love with a Husky mix that was 7 or 8. And he was the one insisting that we not get an older dog. Hah! When he went back the next day, the Husky mix was gone, but Stallone was still there. Some of the Humane Society employees, the ones who really work with the dogs and KNOW, claimed that he seemed to be a really great dog. He decided to get him, but they don't let you have the dog right away. Most dogs they have to spay or neuter before you can take them home. We asked that since he was only 5 months, could we please let our vet take care of that once he was six months old. They said sure.

Well, I went to pick the dog up with the boys two days later. When I walked in the girl started telling me that since he had surgery he didn't need to eat much that night, etc. They had neutered him. I was pretty upset, then they brought him down the hall. Other than his coloring, he didn't look like a Rottie. Not big enough. He was woozy, which was to be expected, but he was also coughing. I've always heard that heartworms can cause coughing. I put him in the car, and proceeded to try and drive home while crying and trying to call the vet's office. The front desk girl assured me that it might just be kennel cough, which many dogs that come from shelters end up with. I had an appointment to see the vet the next day and tried to be patient. And not too upset with Jav. After all, I was too emotional to go with him to help with his decision and was totally trusting him. I couldn't really blame him for choosing a too small, sick dog, could I?

Dr. Norris determined that he did have kennel cough, made worse by the anesthesia of the surgery (it would take him a month and tons of meds to get over it), he was probably closer to 6 or 7 months old, and thought he might have some Gordon Setter in him due to his beautiful coat, and feathering around his ears and haunches. He also thought that his temperament was amazing for a young, very sick dog. He made me feel so much better I could have kissed him! I also knew that I didn't want to keep the name Stallone. He obviously was NOT a Stallone. After some deliberating we decided on Jake. I still think this is a perfect name for him, but then we made the ridiculous decision to change it because one of Jav's close friends has a son named Jake. I would not be mad in the least if someone I knew named their dog after one of the boys. But we changed it to Tucker. Which now has stuck.

We knew that a puppy would cost us some money up front. But we never imagined that along with the kennel cough meds, he would end up needing meds for tapeworm, and then most recently mange. Sigh and double sigh and triple sigh!!!!! He only has it around his face, common for puppies whose mother may have been infected with the parasite. So he's on a six month trial to see if this one type of heartworm medication works to clear it up. It's very expensive of course.

Then there's all of the things he has chewed up. Numerous puzzle pieces, about 20 socks, some Christmas ornaments with hooks spit out to the side, thank God, an old tiki torch stand, a wooden handle of a rake, the ends of the pooper scooper set handles, some plastic flower bed siding, an old soaker hose, the camera USB cable and my new Nook USB cable. Those last two cost some money to replace. Every time I look in the yard he has found something else to chew on that he's not supposed to. We've been walking him almost every day and I try to throw the ball with him to burn off some energy. I've spent oodles more money on countless chew toys, most of which he chews for a couple of days then either gets tired of them or I have to throw them away because he's chewed a hole in them or something.

So instead of ending up with one of the breeds we talked about, we have this crazy mix of a dog. The girl who bathes him said she noticed qualities of about six different breeds, including Basset Hound (long tail, big feet and short legs), Chow Chow (dark spots on tongue), Golden Retriever (shape of head and beautiful coat), Dachshund (coloring), and even, yes, Rottie. The way he's been chewing that didn't surprise me.

So, instead of a big dog, we have a medium sized dog (he's gone from 33 to 41 pounds) with short legs. He has a LOUD bark, but instead of a good watchdog, we have a dog that barks whenever the other neighborhood dogs bark. Which I guess could be ok. I was pretty upset with the Humane Society about 1) how sick the dog was when they let him be adopted and 2) the fact that they fudged about his age and his breed background. Jav says if I were to see how hard those people work for NO pay trying to find homes for all those animals that I would be a little more sympathetic. He's probably right, but still.

He's been nipping at Gabriel pretty bad, too. It's so interesting to me that Joel must give off some signal that he won't put up with that nonsense, because Tucker never bothers him with nipping. Gabriel is more sensitive and nervous about telling him NO and Tucker takes full advantage. So of course Gabriel is not too happy with Tucker. He asked me yesterday if Tucker would be getting sick anytime soon so Daddy could go pick out another dog. Ouch.

All of these are things we need to work on. We need to take him to a class, but are so tapped out from all the vet trips that we just don't have the money. And despite all of the negative things I've mentioned, I think he is a really cool dog and will end up being a great pet for our family. He is very laid back and has the sweetest temperament. He seems content being outside or inside. He LOVES Jav and his little hiney goes crazy back and forth with that huge tail when he comes home from work. He already follows me all around the house. He is really good at walking. Everyone at the vet's office dotes on him, thinks he is beautiful dog, and has a fantastic temperament. ESPECIALLY with kids. So I guess Jav really did a terrific job.

Christmastime is here!

2011-12-25T22:59:00.007-06:00

Our annual Christmas trip to Froggy's was the weekend before last. The boys were overwhelmed and didn't know where to look first when we walked in.

We let them buy one toy each, and usually buy at least one more family Christmas gift.

Joel fell in love with this bouncy horse, but it was just too expensive. Gabriel couldn't make up his mind. After spending over an hour in the store, we ended up with a car for Joel and a school bus for Gabriel. Sigh. It doesn't really matter what you end up with, though, it's more about getting to play with and look at every toy you could possibly think of.

The four of us outside of Harry's Hot Dog. We didn't eat there, but a nice woman offered to take our picture. Why she didn't get the whole hot dog in the picture is beyond me. But oh well.

We went to Chuy's for dinner after Froggy's. Yum!

After driving back to FW we drove all around our neighborhood looking at lights. It was a super fun day!

Then last week we took a trip to downtown Fort Worth to see the big Christmas tree. The wind had picked up just before we left the house, and those streets downtown were like standing in wind tunnels! Too cold.

We decided to eat downtown too. We picked out a burger joint called Jake's. It ended up being more like a Hooter's but the food was really good. No really, it was! I just felt sorry for the scantily clad girl working the front door every time that cold air gusted in!

The picture really doesn't do it justice. It was beautiful! Fun times.

Another birthday party

2011-12-20T23:09:00.011-06:00

For JoJo! Yeah!

My brother and his two cute and wonderful kids.

We put up the ping pong table even though it was a bit chilly. Tita took advantage of some sunny moments.

Getting some soccer tips from Tia.

I decided to invite my cousin, Kristen and her husband, Vinnie, and their two girls (Rianna, 16 and Kalyn, 12). Even though they live in Lake Worth, we had not seen them in several years and they had never met Joel. We reconnected through Facebook and have been keeping up with each other again. It was SO good to have them. Their girls have grown so much, and both look like models. I forgot to get a picture of them, dang it. We will not let so much time go by without seeing them next time.

Gabriel and his sweet Tito.

Our dear neighbor and friend, Helen.

My uncle Dennis. He is married to my aunt Anita (my Dad's sister), who is in a nursing home. It had been awhile since we had him at any family events, and were so glad he decided to come.

The birthday boy, with his poor little runny nose.

Nothing a fistful of cake can't cure!

Cade spent the night before the party with us, and helped me more than I can say with all kinds of things. Macy stayed the night with us after everyone else went home. She was so proud to get to help Joel open his gifts.

Piggy back!

The handsome big brother.

Joel is changing by leaps and bounds. His sentences are getting easier to understand. He loves to count things, and sat at the piano today for 20 minutes playing. Not banging, playing. What two-year-old does that? The one who sees his big brother do it all the time, that's who. His favorite things to shout out are, "happy, happy, happy, happy", "ready to eat Mama!", "I did it Mama!" and "There's a monster truck" which he says about any truck of any size. We hope you had a happy, happy, happy, happy birthday, JoJo!

Annie Lennox - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

2011-12-18T00:34:00.002-06:00

I absolutely love this. It's Pagan tradition meets Christian belief. The music, that drum, the mystery, and her voice make this something I want to hear again and again at Christmas time.

Halloween

2011-12-03T11:34:00.000-06:00

It's hard to tell what this is, but it's the house in our neighborhood that goes even crazier than us when decorating for Halloween. They had three Frankensteins, mummies, gravestones and all sorts of scary.

We decided that Gabriel should have two costumes this year. His school frowns upon scary costumes because of the smaller kids, and I just wasn't sure about his Frankenstein. So we dug into the dress up box, borrowed from Mommy's closet and bought a couple of things for this clown outfit. Oh, and used lots of hair gel!

In the parking lot after Boo at the (FW) Zoo with our neighborhood Moms group. Which we will never be going to again. What a gigantic rip off. Lines to get in, even for members, and then paying an extra $3 apiece to get into the Boo area. Only to stand in more lines to do ANYTHING. All games, candy handouts, crafts, etc... Line after line after line. We stood in one for Gabriel to play a game and Mommy made an Executive Decision to head out of there and back to the animals. And started having much more fun!

I did Gabriel's, oops I mean Frankenstein's, face. I'm pretty proud of it since I have no face-painting experience other than Halloweens of yore. Joel tolerated his costume only because it was Elmo. It was really too warm to keep that thing on for very long.

This picture cracks me up since you can't see Joel and it really looks like Elmo is glancing into Frankie's candy sack.

Can you tell my mother-in-law never really grew up?

Gabriel loves Halloweens so much that even after it's over he tries to tell us stories about haunted houses or pretend visits to the Scary Guy store for weeks afterwards.

Joel is 2!

2011-12-01T00:05:00.001-06:00

Loves to give hugs from behind. Plays with my hair constantly. Dances and sings ALL THE TIME. Reads books like a mad man. Asks for his brother as soon as he wakes up in the morning. Jumps, with both feet off the ground, for an entire song on Barney. Has more energy than a nuclear power plant. Smiles as big as Dallas when his Daddy comes home from work. Is fearless and wreckless which is making me age faster than I should be. Climbs anything. Has a full, deep voice that is lower than his brother's. Squeals at an ear-splitting level just to make me mad. In the grocery store. Talks in full sentences, some of which we understand. Knows how to work the cuteness when he wants something - already. Will knock me over with a full body shot when playing tickle on the floor. Has a temper that scares us more than his brother's, but we don't see it as often. Would rather be outside. All the time. Totally rocked my world two years ago today, and I've loved every second I've spent with him.

Time to start our Christmas music this year with a little rendition of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland". Happy Birthday Jo Jo.

My 5-year-old boy

2011-11-27T23:56:00.000-06:00

Gabriel turned 5 in September. This is the only picture I have from his actual birthday day. We decided to wait until after our beach trip to have his party, so we tried to make this day special. He got one present and the CD I made for him (Gabriel's rockin' CD, of course) before we left for school. I hoped that one day I would introduce Gabriel to Green Day, Foo Fighters, Led Zeppelin and the like, but I never imagined it would be as early as five! They had his party at school. After school at his Tita and Tito's house, Tita had made him cupcakes and we sang Happy Birthday to him. We stopped at my mom and dad's on the way to soccer practice and they gave him a card and birthday hugs. When the coaches found out it was his birthday, the entire team sang Happy Birthday to him. We left soccer practice early to go eat dinner at Campo Verde, here the food is mediocre at best, but the two trains running constantly around the entire, festive restaurant are a huge draw. He had a great birthday!

We didn't have his party until mid-October, which was really weird. But we had beautiful weather for our Scooby-Doo Bouncy House Extravaganza!

I took advantage of our Halloween decorations already being up and just added a few Scooby Doo things to fit the theme.

The monstrosity in our backyard. I was just praying that they didn't say we had too many trees and needed to put it in the front yard.

Cade and Gabriel bouncing away.

One of Gabriel's new friends, Aidan, who attends our church, was determined to get in on this wagon ride!

Aha, I see your plan, Mommy. Tools to help you cook disguised as a birthday present. I'm on to you!

A happy boy, not just because of the Shaun the Sheep DVD. The party was really fun. I even had time to mingle and play some ping pong, and really enjoyed myself. I can't believe it's been five years since this sweet boy was born. He is so sweet and thoughtful, very caring of his little brother, smart as a whip (starting to read Level 1 readers pretty well), and has a terrific sense of humor. I love him so, so much.

San Antonio

2011-11-20T22:56:00.006-06:00

One thing I forgot to write in my Padre post: When Gabriel had just turned one, we took him to Padre for the first time. Halfway through that trip he started walking on his own. This trip, Joel's constant stream of baby babble started turning into actual words. So one kid walking and one kid talking makes for some pretty powerful memories of a place! Joel woke us up the morning we headed to San Antonio with a loud, "APPLE!".

I have to brag about how well these boys did in the car on our trip. We brought Gabriel's practice drum so he could play in the car. He made up countless songs, music and lyrics, from that back seat. All of them Rockin, of course! Joel is so well trained that when he started to get sleepy, he would just quietly hum to himself until he fell asleep. You just can't ask for better kids than that.

Gabriel begged us to stop at the crazy, quirky, giant souvenir place on the highway back to reality. He didn't want to go in, just see the King Kong up close. I love the picture below. The sky is beautiful and it looks like a real dinosaur.

The trip was exhausting. We could see our hotel in San Antonio but couldn't get to it (what is with that crazy highway system?) Went to Chili's for dinner, Target for diapers and then tumbled into bed.

We got up to head to Sea World in the morning. I was surprised at the size of the crowd at that time of year until I realized they were doing their Halloween thing.

Here's Gabriel feeding a seal lion, which is in the picture before this one. We saw the silly show with the otter and the walrus, then made our way over to the Killer Whales.

They take my breath away.

Penguins! Joel had fallen asleep and was getting really banged up in his stroller, so Jav carried him for awhile. I thought it was so cute that when we got to the Penguin house, he sat in a cool (albeit fishy-smelling) corner with his baby asleep on his shoulder, just like a daddy penguin would have.

One complaint I have about Sea World (besides the ridiculous prices for everything) is the food selection is awful. How can a place like that not have anyplace that sells quesadillas or grilled cheese sandwiches? (The only two foods Joel will eat out). We decided to leave to find someplace we could all eat, even though we could have stayed much longer. We detoured through the Sesame Street amusement park on the way out. Jav took Gabriel on his first roller coaster trip. And Joel and I stood in a long line to ride the Elmo merry-go-round. He was sweaty, cranky, and hungry, but still managed to shout out "Melmo!" everytime he saw him.

Two boys who have had enough of Sea World!

That night we went for an early swim before dinner in the hotel swimming pool. It wasn't heated and was REALLY cold. I told Jav that Joel would probably scream bloody murder if we put him in that water. He proceeded to make a liar out of me and splashed and swam around for about 45 minutes. I guess Sea World inspired him to swim like a fish. Gabriel and I had to get out because our teeth wouldn't stop chattering. Wimps!

That night was a big Ranger game, so we ordered pizza to the room and had a pizza picnic on the floor. It was a great ending to our fantastic, memory-making trip.

Now, I have to try to get caught up on everything else that's happened in October and November.

South Padre

2011-11-12T22:50:00.006-06:00

Aaaaaaahhhhhh. The beach. Well, at first it wasn't so relaxing. I don't know if everyone is this way, but it takes me at least a day to get used to the hot, sticky, sandy, salty mess that is the beach. And then I embrace it and love it again. Joel didn't like it one bit until the last day when it was finally cooler and cloudier. Gabriel loved it from the moment we stepped off the walkway into the sand. He loved riding the waves on the Boogie Board.

That last cloudy day was so much more fun. We each took a kid and walked way out on the sandbar to wave jump. The waves were bigger that far out, and Gabriel got a little scared. Then Gabriel and I made a volcano in front of our sand castle while Joel and Jav played soccer behind us.

We always had so much to carry that I would send them on ahead to look for a good spot while I finished packing everything up and would go down 10 minutes later. My first moment of the trip that I will hopefully always remember is walking down the beach boardwalk to find my three men, and seeing their silhouettes with the ocean behind them. And then Joel would spot me and run as fast as those little chubby legs could carry him to meet me. Love those boys more than I can put into words.

We finally learned that the easiest way to REALLY get all the sand off of us before we went back to the condo was to take a detour in the pool. It was really refreshing.

We would have lunch and then nap time for everyone. Except that we had the rotten luck of having workmen putting a new floor in the condo above ours. I can't describe the noise level. They were using a jackhammer, for gosh sakes! They would start working at 10 and finish up around 4. The first day nap time was a disaster. The only thing that made me feel better was that Jav took the boys to run some errands and I got to sit BY MYSELF and READ A BOOK. This never happens at home. I luckily had a great book club book, "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand." I couldn't put it down. The second two days we came up with a better nap strategy. We turned on the fan for the A/C, the bathroom vent fan, and ran a humidifier that we found in our storage closet that we had left last year. It worked! Successful naps in the cave.

After nap we would regroup and head down to the pool. We were thrilled for the boys to get to practice their swimming. I'm feel so proud/lucky that neither of them have ever been afraid to get their heads wet or put their ears under the water. Joel finally conquered his bad habit of opening his mouth every time I tried to put him underwater. Progress! I did so much swimming I was afraid I'd be sore the next day. But nope, nothing. Gotta love that stress free workout for your muscles! Then we would get a movie started while we got cleaned up to keep the boys occupied. We'd have dinner, then go back to the beach. This was my favorite part of the day. One day we built a gigantic sand castle, and Gabriel kept running to fill up the bucket to get water in the moat (pictured below). It never held any water, it just sank back down every time. What is the trick to that? The next night we took a flashlight and looked for crabs, at least for the 2o minutes we had before the flashlight batteries died.

Then we'd go back to the condo and watch the rest of the movie we started before dinner while we ate ice cream. Man, do I ever love vacations. That first night was the first time we had ever watched a movie together (Monsters Inc.), all of us, from start to finish. These days were so fun, but every night Gabriel would get a little home sick for his bed.

Snacks on the beach. Yum!

After having a thunderstorms on and off during our last afternoon, we decided not to do the pool and instead decided to treat ourselves to dinner out (as long as beer was served, we figured we could get through a restaurant meal with Joel). We headed to a typical souvenir shop on the island for t-shirts and one toy for each boy. Then onto Port Isabel, a funky beach town that I just love even better than Padre, to have dinner at the Pirate's Landing. Jav and his family always used to eat there on their vacations because it was one of his mom's favorite places to go. An example of Port Isabel's funkiness is that they had alternating decorations on each major corner of the main drag, going from El Dia de Los Muertos (skeletons riding bicicles), and traditional Halloween decorations. Very cool. Wish I would have thought to take a picture.

How good can you get? The bay, the bridge, and a salty dog pirate all in the same shot.

Joel cracked us up by starting his 2-year-old version of sparkling dinner conversation with a little girl sitting at the table behind us. He just talked and talked and talked to her! She was around 5 or 6, and loved it. Both boys were pretty well behaved and the food was good. How can you go wrong with a place that serves french fries for the kids in a paper pirate ship?

We walked next door to a funky ice cream shop that was run by the coolest girl, someone you would only meet in a funky beach town. I wanted to stay and talk to her for awhile, she was so charming. We told her that we were remembering the last time Jav and I ate at Pirate's Landing a freak cold front had blown in that day and even though the temperature was still in the 60's, the wind chill was like 30-something. She agreed that the wind off the water could be bone chilling cold. She also told me that almost all Europeans, Mexican nationals, and South Americans ordered pistachio-almond ice cream (my favorite that I had ordered). How cosmopolitan of me!

We then took our ice cream and walked over to the Port Isabel lighthouse. Here is some history. G & J loved running up and down the huge hill that it sits on. My second lovely moment that will be burned in my brain forever was to see them as the sun was going down behind them. We just had to take some pictures.

Aye Matey! Cap'n Gabriel is after ye!

When we got back to the condo, it was too late to make one more evening trip to the beach. We were all a little sad about it. We have definitely made some wonderfully happy memories in this condo. It's very bittersweet to see it go.

Next, on to San Antonio!

Road Trip Day Two - Fredericksburg to S. Padre

2011-10-30T21:09:00.000-05:00

We left Fredericksburg by 6, so there weren't very many people driving in town. Gabriel shouted out at one point, "They are all going to work, and we are going to the beach!" Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

We had hoped the boys would fall back to sleep in the car, but they were just really grumpy. It was such a relief for all of us to reach San Antonio and go to breakfast at Taco Cabana. We sat on the patio and just let the boys run in the completely fenced off area while we enjoyed our breakfast tacos. It was at that stop that I realized that THIS is the way to travel on a long trip with kids. Just make sure they have some time to run around every two hours or so and they'll stay happy in the car.

One of the things I always look forward to on road trips is stopping for Chai at Starbucks. I don't usually treat myself at home because of time and expense. After breakfast Jav was sure we'd still see that beacon of a green and white sign while driving on the outskirts of San Antonio. After the houses started getting farther and farther apart, I gave him my Kevin face to let him know that I was worried he had been wrong. (Kevin, Steve Martin's oldest child in Parenthood, has anxiety issues and has this tormented look that he gets when his anxiousness reaches a peak level.) Finally we are driving through farmland again (thankfully, green farmland, making us think they had more rain between San Antonio and Corpus). But no Starbucks. Then through the outskirts of Corpus, where there are some really busy, fast food restaurant-filled exits, where Jav was certain there was a Starbucks. Nope. That was when my dream of Chai died.

We stopped at McDonald's for lunch, and they had a really cool play area with these giant instruments:

We hung out for an hour and a half. Plenty of stretch-your-legs time.

It was between Corpus and Harlingen that Jav saw a huge orange and white bird fly right over the car. We determined later that it was a falcon. After the turn-off for Padre the trip really starts to liven up again. Jav and I had our annual argument over how long that stretch of the trip is. I thought it was around two hours, but he claimed it was only 45 minutes or so. He was right. (Man, does it seem longer!!!!) Gabriel loved going past the giant souvenir shop with the life-sized dinosaurs out front. The owners have now added a giant King Kong in the back. Somewhere on this stretch Joel, having exhausted all of his toys and patience, just yelled out his scariest roar sound out of pure boredom. The rest of us almost came out of the car!

Gabriel also surprised us by asking if "everyone else" would be there when we got to our room at the beach. We asked what he meant, and realized why he was confused. We had told him that we weren't going to have his big birthday party the weekend after his actual birthday because we were going to the beach instead. He thought that everyone we were inviting to the party was now joining us at the beach! He didn't seem too disappointed, though, when we told him it was just going to be the four of us. When we started across the giant bridge to the island, a pelican flew out of nowhere and we ended up following him all the way across the bridge. It was as if he was welcoming us back!

After we unpacked the car, we headed to the grocery store to stock up for the week. After all that shopping we were hungry so we brought dinner back, ate, and then headed out to the beach. The temps for the first four days of our trip hovered around the upper 90's (ugh) still. So after dinner was a perfect time to go. Gabriel was so very excited to say hello to the ocean again. Joel wasn't sure. He would get really nervous and shake all over every time he could feel the undertow tugging him back out to sea.

We went back to the room and everyone slept really well. Even though I get nervous about it, I usually end up loving all of us sleeping in the same room. It's just so cozy and safe-feeling.

Road Trip Day 1 - Fredericksburg

2011-10-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

We left Saturday morning by 7. I had wanted to leave by 5, but my body just wouldn't let that happen. We weren't but 8 blocks or so away from the house when Gabriel shouted out, "This is a fun trip, isn't it?" So funny. We stopped for our only big breakfast of the trip twenty minutes from home in Burleson to eat at Denny's. The kids don't really eat breakfast other than yogurt, waffles, bananas and dry cereal, and were bored before we even got our food. We realized that it wasn't worth the stress of trying to entertain them while we waited, but at least it tasted good for the five minutes that we were inhaling our food! When leaving, Jav took Gabriel to the bathroom and when they pushed the lever to flush, water started spraying all over Gabriel. He was literally soaked when Jav brought him back to the car. I know when I want to stay fresh and clean, a Denny's toilet shower is just the thing. So icky. We changed his clothes, washed his hands, and were on our way. What're you gonna do? It's a road trip!

We slowly made our way south, stopping to let Joel run (literally RUN) at certain gas station/convenience store stops that had big parking lots. One in Meridian has a particularly pretty field with a view and an almost vacant lot next to it. Perfect for standing far apart and letting Joel and Gabriel take turns running to us. They finally both fell asleep twenty minutes from our destination, of course.

A sideways shot of what I looked like most of the trip. I drove a little on the way home. More about that later. The thing I was dreading about this trip was having to see my beautiful state of Texas after falling victim to a drought for the last year. I tried to prepare myself, but it's just so awful actually seeing it compared to imagining. The Hill Country is supposed to be the hardest hit area other than West Texas. We saw no water in creeks, streams or tanks. Nothing. The Brazos was so far down I think you could have waded across at some points. The vultures appeared to be thriving, however.

And here is the reason for our sideways detour to Fredericksburg, minus a few people. This is my Uncle Robert and Aunt Lou. He is the last surviving sibling of my grandmother. We spent many fun summer trips to Fredericksburg staying with them, in the same house they are in today. He turned 90 this year, she is 88. They are both in excellent mental shape. Uncle Robert has some pretty severe physical things going on, especially affecting his circulation in his legs. He can barely get around, which just kills me to see because he was always so active. He played in amateur tennis leagues up into his 70's. He has a somewhat strong hint of a German accent, which I love to hear. She bakes, and is the one who made the homemade brown bread that I've written about before. They are such sweet, sweet people and I want to take every chance I can to visit them.

I'm so glad my boys have met them and heard my stories. Gabriel will remember them. I'm not sure about Joel. One neat thing that happened was that Jav had to take them in the backyard for a little while because Joel was going crazy. When they came back in Gabriel had counted the cement stepping stones, and I told him that was one of my favorite things to do as a kid. My cousin Laurie (their oldest daughter) visited for a short time also.

This picture means SO much to me. It's the oldest member of my family with the youngest. I get really sad sometimes that my grandparents never got to meet my boys, and vice versa. This is the next best thing.

Jo Jo and Daddy. The boys loved motel life. Eating in the same room we slept in, two TV's and one of them almost always on. Heaven! One of the strangest memories I'll have of that first day was just before going out for dinner we happened to catch Bye, Bye Birdie about halfway through on one of the movie channels. We'd never seen it, but were curious about it because of Ann-Margaret's song from I guess the beginning of the movie. It figured heavily in one of the Mad Men episodes, so we sat down to watch a little of it. Excuse me, kids, but What The Hell? Is it supposed to be funny? Does anyone from the town realized that their Idol can't really sing? We just didn't get it. Dick Van Dyke was slightly entertaining, but that was it!

We decided to drive by the Herb Farm where we got married, even though it was closed to visitors other than Bed and Breakfast customers. I wish we hadn't decided to do that. I was devastated to see what the new owners have done to the place. The entire wildflower field that used to have the big windmill in the middle is gone. The space where we had our ceremony is gone. The only garden with herbs growing in it left is the one by the storefront next to the parking lot. Every inch of space is covered with a tiny bungalow type bed and breakfast. The windmill sits in the center of all the buildings. So wrong. The bungalows are so close together you don't have any privacy.

When Gabriel was 6 months old or so, we took him there and took pictures of each of us holding him at our favorite spots, and had hoped to do the same with Joel. We had even entertained the idea of hiring our photographer, who lives in Fredericksburg, to take some pics of all of us there. Now we never will get to do any of those things, and that thought made me start bawling in the car. Sometimes I hate change, especially when the changes RUIN someplace that really had a special spark.

And that ends Day One. Tired. Bed. Sleep.

Road trip blues

2011-10-16T22:37:00.002-05:00

A couple of months ago I began suffering from Road Trip Blues. We did not have an opportunity to go on vacation all summer, and the day-in, day-out routine was wearing me down day by day. I got a craving for traveling somewhere, anywhere. I didn't care where we went, as long as we were moving farther and farther away from that humdrum routine.

I started daydreaming about road trips taken as a kid with my family, and all the little things that made them memorable.

Big breakfasts. I used to be a big breakfast every day kind of girl, but middle age metabolism and healthier habits have reduced my breakfasts. But on vacation, I want to eat at least one HUGE breakfast. Eggs, bacon, hash browns, biscuits. Don't care how many calories or what the fat content is. Bring it on.

To continue the breakfast theme, my grandparents would always stop at a diner in Hamilton, TX (which is about halfway to Fredericksburg), to have coffee for them and cokes for us. We would also all split a gigantic cinnamon roll, which I remember being the best thing I'd ever eaten. Sadly, the place isn't there anymore.

Two more places that we used to stop with my parents don't exist anymore either: Stuckey's and Nickerson Farms. One had a red roof and one a blue. We would sometimes stop for lunch, or sometimes just to explore all the chotchkies on sale next to the restaurant. Matching sheep salt and pepper shakers, tons of items with chickens on them, those fascinating things that Moo when you turn them upside down, crossword puzzle and coloring books. My brother and I had our favorite items: the quiz books that came with a magic pen that uncovered the answer when you swooped it across the page. Those books would keep us occupied all the way to Colorado.

Later on, as a solo adult traveler, I became enchanted with road trip mix tapes, cheesy local radio stations, and fountain diet cokes (they taste better while on the road, I swear). And these days, as a passenger with kid/s in the backseat, I love sleeping in the car (sleeping ANYWHERE) and reading more than three pages of a book at one time.

All of these things were flying around my head, but I didn't think anything would come of my daydreaming. But then, Jav told me we may have sold the condo, and a contract was pending, and we started talking dates and could we do it? We didn't have a for-sure close date, and were hesitant about planning a trip when we didn't know the sale would go through. But then Jav started talking "Sea World" on the way home, and he had me. I was going to get my road trip after all! More to come.

Soccer!

2011-10-08T22:39:00.003-05:00

Gabriel surrounded by his teammates, Nicholas, Ethan, Josiah and Jonathan, and in front of his coaches, Coach Ryan and Coach Allie.
Game face: Go sharks!

Gabriel started soccer a month ago. Jav and I have always looked forward to the day we could stand on the sidelines and cheer on that boy at something. Gabriel had a skills class in soccer back in April and May, so we thought it would be a good sport to start out with. We signed up at the Y, which I love because of the diversity of kids and parents. His coaches are two cute TCU sophomores, Ryan and Allie. At first I thought they would never figure out how to coach this age, but they seem to be figuring it out pretty well now. The first few games were a challenge to keep them headed towards the right goal. Luckily the refs have decided to let them play for the same goal the entire game.

The challenge for me has been to keep my mouth shut. It's been waaaaaayyyyy tougher than I expected to see other kids running faster and trying harder than my kid. It's really hard to not nag at him to try harder or fun faster. Sometimes we just can't help it, but when we slip up like that he seems to slump even more into himself and completely stop paying attention to the game. I have to remind myself that he just turned five, this is his first sports experience, and I don't want him to get a bad taste for it this early. I told him I wanted him to have three goals every time he plays:1) listen to the coaches and play for your team. 2) Do your best, and c) Have fun! We were having a little trouble with that second requirement. Then we missed the week we went to the beach, and were concerned that he would be even more disinterested when we got back. We took the soccer ball on the trip, but the only taker Jav had for kicking it on the beach was Joel, who played with Daddy for about 20 minutes.

Something that DOES seem to help Gabriel is getting him outside in our backyard to practice. Not just kicking the soccer ball or stopping it, but running. We play a strange version of Duck, Duck, Goose and chase each other all over the yard. I think it's really building up his stamina. Tuesday he had a much better practice, and was laughing and having fun the whole hour.

We were really thrown for a loop today, however, when Coach Ryan asked if Gabriel would play for the opposing team. They only had three players show up and if he didn't switch teams the game would be forfeited, which of course no one wanted. Coach Ryan seemed to think that Gabriel could handle it over all the other players, which surprised me because of Gabriel's previous lack of focus. But I talked to him and explained that we really needed him to help out the other team, changed his jersey from red to blue, and sent him over to the other team's coaches. They were so sweet and applauded him. I ended up being the confused one, because I wanted to cheer him on, but also wanted to cheer for the Sharks. The other parents said they would forgive me this one day.

Well, I've got to hand it to Gabriel. I'm not sure if he was playing well to impress his Tia, Tita and Tito, who were sweet enough to come to the game, or if he just all of a sudden "got" it. He was totally into the game for the first three quarters. He not only was running after the ball or the group of kids around the ball, he finally was not afraid to try and take it away from another kid. Of course, the first goal he scored EVER was for the wrong team. But then he had a great assist, and once took the ball all the way down the field only to miss getting a goal by inches. The fourth quarter he was just plain tired (they all were, with no available subs to come in for them). He stopped watching the ball and was just running wherever the wind took him, and talked with his original teammates. But that didn't matter. We were SO proud of him.

Earthquake!

2011-09-23T23:49:00.002-05:00

Jav and I were going about our normal post-kids' bedtime things. He was paying bills online and I was moving around laundry and addressing Gabriel birthday party invitations (more about the big birthday boy later). I was walking from the living room into the hallway and felt the weirdest sensation of the whole house moving. I also heard things rattling. It was only for about 2-3 seconds, but the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I got cold chills all over. I went into the bedroom and asked Jav, "What the heck was that?" His eyes were wide and he pointed to our TV armoire and said, "I don't know but that whole thing moved."

We decided it might have been a gas well explosion. Other things flew through my head, like airplane crash, huge tree branch fell on the house, or earthquake. Although that last option flew back out of my head pretty quickly. I also thought about the Space Shuttle mission that exploded over Texas We checked local stations to see if there was breaking news, but nothing. About 30 minutes later, I realized Bones was nowhere to be found. He's usually bugging us to go to the garage for the night by that time of night. He was under Jav's desk and wouldn't come out for another hour.

We found out this morning that there was an earthquake, 2.5 on the Richter scale, the epicenter of which was near Waxahachie. WOW! I knew it! And as cool as it was to experience it, we were sobered to think about what it would be like to experience a quake measuring 9 or higher, like Haiti and Chili did.

On a lighter note, when I told Gabriel about it, he asked if "those two moles were making the earthquake". We checked out a book from the library a while back called "Earthquack" about farm animals feeling the ground shake. At the end of the book, it turns out that there was no earthquake, only a couple of moles digging some tunnels. So I explained that no, it wasn't moles. It was big chunks of the earth way down deep banging into each other. This happens all of the time, and we usually don't feel it.

But we felt this one, my friend.

Spying on the neighbors

2011-09-13T23:13:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I was out doing my nightly rounds of watering and birdbath filling, when I heard a strange cry of some kind. It sounded like a bird, but one that should have been making noise during the day. It was coming from somewhere beyond the farthest back corner of our yard. I went back there and stood for awhile, waiting to hear it again and try to figure out what it was. Sometime over the next couple of days, I heard what I thought was a duck quacking in the same spot. Hmmmm. Then I realized it wasn't a duck, but a chicken. Jav heard it too a couple of times. We assumed it belonged to a family living next to our neighbors directly behind us.

Then Sunday I noticed those same neighbors, directly behind us (we don't know them very well), shooing something out of the back door into the yard. I thought they might have gotten a dog. Later in the day, Jav came to report that they had returned home from somewhere, got out of their truck and walked over to the side of the yard and greeted something. So he also wondered if they had a dog. Or something. I started thinking about the fact that they've been doing alot of yard work over in that corner recently. I mulled it over in my head so much that my curiosity finally got the best of me. After dinner I went out back to check the water dishes and nonchalantly made my way over to the corner and peered through our fence slats to see what I could see.

I reported back to Jav and Gabriel that I saw a shovel and a big pile of dirt, some type of box or feeder with holes in it up off the ground, and a pile of hay. And I faintly smelled a barnyard smell. Now my "Hmmmmmm" turned into a "Aha!" Something is definitely going on back there. Gabriel seemed really interested now, so I asked him if he wanted to walk back with me one more time to see if I could see or hear anything else. I never really stopped to think about the fact that I was teaching him it was ok to spy on the neighbors. At this point I just wanted, beyond all reason, to find out what was going on back there. We had warned Gabriel that he couldn't make ANY noise until we got back inside. We meandered around the yard a bit to make it look good, then headed back to the fence. I found a knothole just right for Gabriel and told him to try to see something. He was peering and all of a sudden got a weird little look on his face. I said, "Do you see anything?" He said in the most excited whisper I have ever heard, "YES". I said, "Really? What do you see?" He said, soooooooo excitedly, "A chicken!" I almost shoved him out of the way to see, and caught a glimpse of two beautiful heirloom type hens, one white and one spotted black, pecking the ground.

We ran back, laughing quietly, to the house to report to Jav. I can't believe these neighbors would try such a thing, they didn't seem like the type AT ALL to me. I have to say I am impressed and a little jealous. I would love to do it, but I have no idea how to even get started, to say nothing of the fact that I think there's a city ordinance against it. We are now wondering if they have to have a rooster back there too. Jav's going to try to talk to them if he catches them outside, just to let them know we are cool with it and ask if maybe the boys can come to visit and see them up close one day. Maybe we can even score some fresh eggs some day! But I relay the story because it will be one I will always remember, how gleeful Gabriel and I were to have discovered the mystery, and how much fun we had doing it.

Busy Labor Day weekend

2011-09-09T06:35:00.000-05:00

This may be one of my very favorite pictures, ever.

This Labor Day weekend was a really fun, although exhausting, one. We started our journey Saturday afternoon by stopping at the mall to buy a new washing machine. Ours kicked the bucket the weekend before and we've been taking loads to our parents' all week long. Then Bennett, one of our two friends from the neighborhood Moms group, had his 4th birthday party at The Little Gym. We had never been there, and it was a great place for kids to romp around and have a great time! Bennett has his back turned in this picture, and sitting right next to Gabriel is our other neighborhood friend, Harper. She spent two days with us a couple of weeks ago when her mom had to start back to college before her Mommy's Day Out started back. I'm going to invite both of them to Gabriel's party, whenever we decide when and where we're going to have it!

Our little climber especially seemed to like the fact that he could go anywhere and we wouldn't be fussing at him to stay on the ground! The kid has no fear, whereas his older brother always errs on the cautious side. On a side note, I just walked in from doing some things outside to find Joel DANCING with both feet in the cats' water bowl. Water sloshing everywhere and his big brother belly laughing so hard he had tears running down his face. Which will inspire a repeat performance, I'm sure. Sigh.

Sweet picture of Bennett, his mommy Allyssa, and little brother Lachlan. We really like them, along with Harper's family, and hope they decide to stay in the neighborhood ever after the kids start grade school. It's so sad that we get great families that are just starting out, then they start to realize that the public schools are out of the question. Then realize that private school is too expensive. So even though they love this neighborhood with all of its mixes of people and beautiful houses and trees, they move. Something we are also going to probably wrestle with one day.

4:30 is a bit of a weird time for a birthday party, because both boys filled up on snacks and cupcakes, but Mommy and Daddy were really hungry by the end of it. We decided to take advantage of the boys being tired and went to Mercado Juarez for dinner. Good decision! The whole family slept until almost 8 the next morning.

Our fun Sunday activity was to try out Legoland for the first time. Our friends at church, Sonya and Matthew, have Aidan, who is about to turn four, and Seth, who is three months younger than Joel. We have always wanted to do something with them outside of Mass, and we finally got it pulled together. We didn't realize they were bringing Seth so Jav and Joel stayed at home. But I'm glad because Legoland is a ZOO. I just don't know if a 21-month-old needs to be there. There are many older kids running around and parents not really watching them. It was a cool place for my almost 5-year-old, though. I caught him a couple of times just staring everywhere, not sure where to go next. A little overwhelming! But he and Aidan had a good time. I was very proud of Gabriel for taking the "older kid" role and sticking with Aidan, even when Aidan seemed to be a little afraid to do something. He was very sweet. I tried to get some good pictures of the lego miniatures, but they don't really do them justice.

Dirk Nowitzki must be proud to know he has a Lego statue.

The Ballpark in Arlington.

Cowboy Stadium. I like it much better smaller, rather than bigger. I wish Jerry Jones' ego could shrink to this size!

Monday was our first really cool day after this brutal, awful summer heat. I opened up all the windows. The boys went out after breakfast and didn't come inside until lunchtime. I washed all the outside windows, something I've been needing to do for about a year. I'm not sure if surviving through this heat/drought makes us stronger or takes years off of our lives. Maybe both? But it was so nice to finally be outside and not be just drenched with sweat within two minutes. As soon as the boys came inside Joel started laying on the floor with his head down. This should have been a sign, but I just thought he was tired. But then he couldn't sleep and I noticed his cheeks were flushed. He had a fever. Of course. We've been all summer with nothing, but get him around a passel of germy kids and whammo.

Gabriel started back to school the next day. I can't say it's been a great summer. The weather and our loss of Molly made it one that has been pretty tough. It had its fun moments, but for the most part I'm glad to see it go.

The bigger picture

2011-09-04T15:29:00.004-05:00

My husband never really paid much attention to nature before he met me. I don't think he really noticed birds, and probably killed the insects that he did notice. He was particularly not fond of spiders. Which makes this little story all the more compelling.

The lightbulb in our laundry room burned out a few nights ago, and neither one of us has had the extra energy it takes to pull a kitchen chair over there to clean off the light fixture and put a new bulb in. Last night I finally said something to Jav, and reminded him about cleaning it out since there were alot of dead bugs inside the light. He replied that he had been putting it off because of the spider that has spun a web all around the light. He said that it was such a clever place for a web, since we get moths in from the garage at night all the time, and he didn't really have the heart to tear it down after all this time.

Excuse me, but who are you and what have you done with my husband?

I agreed to try to very gingerly change out the lightbulb the next day, which was today. Jav stood below me and watched, and while I was carefully trying not to scare the spider, Jav said, "Oliver. That's a good name". I replied, "Yes. Yes it is." I looked to see if this was for the kids' sake, but they were no where to be seen. So I said, "Oliver, I'm really sorry about your web, but there's a whole bunch of it left that hopefully you can piece back together when I'm done." I gave the fixture to Jav and he just stood there looking at it, and I said, "You don't really want to clean it off, do you?" He shook his head. "OK, I guess it will be ok to put it back just like this." Oliver was obviously a little freaked out and stood hunkered down to the side while I finished re-attaching the light.

I checked an hour ago, and he seems to have moved back to the web like all is back to normal. Which Jav was happy to hear.

I have such a strong belief that all life on this earth is life given from God and therefore should be valued. It's not that I won't kill something, but it has to be something harming me or the ones I love before I'll get to that point. And now I guess my husband has seen the light and feels that way too, which makes me so very happy. It probably makes Oliver really happy too!

The problematic drum teacher

2011-08-26T17:10:00.004-05:00

NOTE: I am posting this because my husband thought I was a bit hard on Mr. W. So I agreed to drop the picture and the first name in case any of the five people who read this blog or a random person flipping through blogs might happen to know Mr. W. I wouldn't want to be sued for slander or anything.

Mr. W., Gabriel's drum teacher for the past two and a half months, might be prototypical of what you would find a any given music/instrument store around the country. Burned out rocker who never made it big in ANY of the countless bands he has graced his presence with. Slightly chubby, mass of frizzed out hair sticking out from under his baseball cap, and dresses like he never quite matured past the age of fifteen. Mr. W., master of mediocrity with dozens of instruments, but claims his specialty is drums and especially guitar.

All of this I expected. I also expected, and was told, about the problems in teaching someone so young. The short attention span, the fact that some days will be good and some bad. That Gabriel won't retain much from the lesson and it's up to me to get him to practice the tiny pieces of infinite wisdom that Mr. W. has tried to relay in our 30 minutes.

So that is one problem, that the infinite wisdom doesn't seem all that great. He has Gabriel do alot of counting, and moving drumsticks from one drum to another. I'm sure all of that improves coordination. At first he had a music book that he was trying to get Gabriel to follow, but Gabriel didn't get it and now the book is gone. I can tell that Mr. W. is making this up as he goes along. He takes every opportunity to let me know how cool it is that we still have Gabriel in classes, because every other time he started teaching someone this young the parents yanked them back out after a month. He thinks Gabriel is progressing, albeit slowly.

My other problems with Mr. W. stem from his manic depressive behavior and totally inappropriate comments that he throws out here and there. He likes to brag about all of his years of martial arts, and how he sometimes used those skills when raising his stepsons ("I always ask them if they wondered how I could hit them in the face without it hurting - I was trying to teach them something, not hurt them.") He asked me last Monday if we had watched the Summer Slam the night before. And I said, "Isn't that a wrestling match? No, we don't really watch wrestling in our house." I think he only asked me so that he could tell me how important wrestling is in his house. And maybe argue with me about why people hate or don't understand wrestling. The worse thing that happened was when we were going through the week before we lost Molly, and I stupidly told Mr. W. that we were having a rough day at home because our dog was sick. He said, "Growing up in the country we had to learn how to shoot dogs at a young age." And started to tell me some stories on that subject. Luckily Gabriel was already piddling around on the drums so I don't think he heard anything. But the most awful part was that I didn't react to this, the awfulness of it and the total inappropriateness of it, until I was back home telling Jav about it.

I have vowed never to return to Mr. W. at least 4 times.

But the thing is, Gabriel loves his lessons. Mr. W. is a big kid. He makes Gabriel laugh all through the class. He repeats the same corny jokes every week. And Gabriel loves him. And after the music book disappeared, I have to give Mr. W. a little credit for figuring out exactly how to get Gabriel to focus during most of the lesson. Gabriel's reward if all goes well during the first 25 minutes of class is that he gets to jam with Mr. W. while he's playing his guitar for the last five minutes of class. I could try to find another place that gives lessons to a kid his age. I could try to find someonewho's had more experience with getting through to kids. But I wonder if Gabriel would have as much fun as he's having with Mr. W. He keeps wanting to go back for more.

How can anyone compete with a jam session at the end of each lesson?

Namesakes

2011-08-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

I have never shared with anyone the story of how Jav and I came up with Gabriel's name. Many months before I became pregnant we were headed down for a long weekend at South Padre. The drive gets to be a little tedious pretty quick after you get through San Antonio. We decided to go through the alphabet, letter by letter, to find baby names we both liked. Which turned out to be difficult. By the time we got to "G" we only had agreed on two or three names. I was having trouble thinking of names that started with "G". Then I remembered we had just watched The Motorcycle Diaries, based on Che Guevara's motorcycle trip through South America. And I THOUGHT the lead actor's name was Gabriel. Jav said he liked the name too, and it moved to the top of our boy name list and stayed there. And the rest is history.

However, the actor's name is not Gabriel, but Gael. Still a very cool name. But I don't think we would've even considered it as a possibility. A little too different. I think I must have gotten confused due to the actor's full name, Gael Garcia Bernal, being so close to Gabriel Garcia Marquez. So Gabriel is named after a Mexican actor names Gael by way of a famous Columbian author named Gabriel. Oops.

Later on, once we were officially pregnant and thinking seriously about names, we also liked it because it translated to Spanish, and because it was biblical. It translates to "the strength of God". Gabriel was one of the archangels. Gabriel's middle name was Jav's paternal grandfather's name, Valentin. Which I think is beautiful. We really debated about it, worrying that he might be teased. But then decided we needed to give him a strong enough character to not pay any attention to such silliness. I haven't seen many pictures of Valentin, so don't know if Gabriel favors him or not. Sometimes Jav picks up on a personality trait or a way that Gabriel moves that he says reminds him of his grandfather. I wonder, though, if we look for these things a little harder BECAUSE he is named after him.

Joel was not even on our list of names at first. At some piont we added it, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I liked Zachary, and Jav liked Nicholas or Benjamin. We narrowed our list down to 10 names, and were going to decide and start letting family know by labor day weekend. Sometime over the summer, I woke up one day and realized I really liked Joel. I haven't known many Joels in my life,which made it more appealing. I mentioned it to Jav and he said he was still thinking. By the beginning of August we both loved it and never looked back. It was derived from Hebrew, just like Gabriel. It means "The Lord is willing", or "the will of God". It translates to Spanish. It is a strong name, and suits him perfectly.

Joel's middle name is Terrell, after my paternal grandfather's first name. I didn't get a much of a chance to get to know my grandfather very well. He died of a heart attack when I was eight years old. I called him Pawpaw. The things I remember come from the times my brother and I stayed with he and my grandmother when my parents went out on Saturday nights. He was quiet and gentle, with a warm smile, curly hair, glasses and a big round face. He had strong hands and would let me ride "horsey" on his legs while we watched Hee Haw, Porter Waggoner, and the Grand Ole Opry. He was the calm steadiness to my grandmother's frenetic, never ending energy, a pairing that sounds a little too familiar in this house now.

And he is the only person, on either side of our families, that Joel resembles.

Seems we may have hit the nails on the heads in choosing both names for both boys. Hopefully they will be happy with them too!

Rain Baby returns!

2011-08-13T13:27:00.006-05:00

OK, I know it's a coincidence. Probably.

But yesterday afternoon, while in a desperate state due to weathering day after day of drought conditions and 105+ degree weather, I decided to ask God something. Not for rain specifically, but to invoke the power of my Rain Baby again.

When I was pregnant with Joel, we had the wettest summer in my lifetime. Then after he came out, we had more snow that winter than we had ever had. But after that he lost his powers. I've thought about it a couple of times during this drought, but not seriously enough to actually do anything.

Joel and I had the house to ourselves yesterday afternoon, so I sat him on my lap. I started my chant, Rain Baby, Rain Baby, please come back.... I rubbed his head, his back, his tummy and feet. I hugged him and lifted him high above my head. I swung him back and forth, my chant growing louder and louder. He, of course, loved it and was laughing uncontrollably. But I was very serious.

Then, early this morning, Joel finally decided he'd had enough tossing and turning for one night and cried enough to get me out of bed. While brushing my teeth, I heard a sound outside and thought it was wind. But on my way down the hall to get Joel, I glanced outside the back windows and saw it. Beautiful rain, slow and steady, glistening in the lights. Hallelujah, praise to the heavens!!!

I picked up Joel and went to the back porch. We pulled out a chair and sat and breathed it in. We listened, we laughed, I came close to crying with blessings of thankfulness and humility. But I was mostly filled with wonder about the power of the Rain Baby.

I will remember this morning for the rest of my life.

Swimming!

2011-08-07T00:22:00.002-05:00

Here's a clip of Gabriel's last swim lesson a week ago. The quality is terrible, the beginning is all over the place because I'm holding Joel in my lap. But my son is swimming, on his own, in the deep end of the pool. And if I hadn't cut it off, we could have seen him stop and take a breath on his back, then continue swimming all the way to the other side. I am so very proud of him!

The screamie meamie

2011-08-06T23:27:00.002-05:00

That would be Joel, of course. The loudest 20-month old who can clear out a space around our table in a restaurant faster than you can say, "let's just sit at the bar!"

He has natural rhythm, maybe even more than Gabriel, and has some fierce dance moves. Gabriel loves to dance, but still dances like a toddler boy - no arms, stiff hips, mostly feet. I guess that's how alot of adult boys dance too - hee hee hee. Joel moves his arms very gracefully, stopping just shy of showing us his jazz hands. He loves to squat waaaaaaaayyyyyyy down and lift his arms up on the ending note of a song. Drama. You could even call it interpretive. I told Jav he just might end up on Broadway. Or as a mime. Boy, did that get me a look. Which got him a "we would be ok with that though, right?"

Joel has just started singing too. He sort of hums along with the melody, not really in key but perfectly in rhythm. He picks up the drum sticks as soon as his brother puts them down. I caught him today playing rhythms of threes, alternating from the drum to the cymbal. I'm not making this up.

I'll hear one of them playing one of our three keyboards (toy, electronic, and upright), and think to myself, "that's Gabriel" because the touch is very light, no banging, and very exploratory. It's usually Joel. When I think about money that will need to be spent in the future, I can't help but think we need to foot the bill for music lessons for both of these boys. They seem to drink, eat and breath music. Which makes me very proud!

His incessant babble continues, but is starting to sound more like real words. He's learned to say "NO" very emphatically to any question, whether he means it or not. Gabriel finds this very amusing and loves to keep asking him questions that he knows that Joel should be answering "yes" to. "Do you want ice cream for dessert, Joel?" "Nnnnnnnnoooooo" (He says it, of course, very dramatically.) If he's been playing for awhile and hasn't seen me, he starts yelling "Mama" over and over again, and wanders through the house until he finds me. Then he gives me a big hug and a belly kiss.

Here he is, just being Joel.

Nightmare come true

2011-07-31T06:44:00.000-05:00

This summer is the summer I always hope and pray we won't have. Triple digit temps for day after day, very little rain in our area and nothing over most of the state. Ponds and streams have dried up and now lakes and rivers are feeling the stress. Water levels in Fort Worth are quickly approaching 75%, which means rationing will begin soon if things don't change. And our area is better off than most of the rest of the state where they haven't had significant rainfall since Halloween last year.

Ugh. Worrying about this kind of summer has given me panic attacks during past summers. Luckily no summer that I can remember recently ever panned out to be that bad. But this one is another story. It's weird, but once you're in the middle of it, survival instincts kick in and you just have to get through it. We must press on.

So that means I'm on a new drought exercise program. I go out around 9pm every night and change out all the water dishes. I've added several new ones. We have two big bird baths, several large bowls on the ground, and 8 small bowls scattered all over the yard. I check the bird feeders, because I'm feeding them much more than I would be if we weren't going through this extreme heat. Then I water flower beds and pots if they need it. Then I start working on whichever area of the yard seems to need attention that week. Last week I deep watered the east side of the house after discovering we had several photinia bushes dying and a crepe myrtle in very bad and wilted state. This week I deep watered our holly bushes out front, because the sun is now hitting them dead on for some of the day and they are turning yellow.

I can't help but notice the reduction in bird population, not just in parking lots of businesses we frequent, but even in the neighborhood. I see birdbaths just sitting there empty and I get so angry. Why have one if you are not going to use it, especially in this weather? I also can't help but think about strays trying to survive in this, and farm animals having to get through it day after day. I know that ranchers are having to sell livestock over the whole state. Of course I think about people suffering also, people who can't afford air conditioning in their houses or cars, mothers with infants sitting on unshaded bus stops in the middle of the day, crews working out the hot sun.

But I can't save them all. So I just concentrate on our yard, our little ecosystem. Which is doing pretty well. I've seen all of our regular birds, plus our majestic woodpecker a couple of times, and a beautiful red hawk at the backyard birdbath. The hummingbirds seem to be visiting the nectar every once in awhile. I see toads soaking, lizards making their way to the water dishes, and wasps taking a quick drink. The plants are hanging in there, but only because of my watering efforts. I've had to dig up my pot of impatiens and my cannas from the ground. The elephant ears and calladium may be next. So all that will be left is the lantana (which feed the very infrequent butterflies) and the turk's cap in the ground, and the sweet potato vine, salvia and rosemary in pots.

It's physically exhausting to run errands with both boys, or to have Gabriel's swim lesson at 5 pm at the hottest part of the day. But the mental strain is taking a toll as well. Is this how people in the northeast feel with day after day of freezing temps and snow on the ground for weeks at a time? There doesn't seem to be an end in sight and that leaves us all feeling hopeless.

But we must press on.

Teachers, good and bad

2011-07-25T06:25:00.000-05:00

We haven't had a laptop or desktop working for two weeks because our modem (router?) went kaput. Time to get a little caught up on what we've been up to.

Joel and I have been attending a Mommy and Me swim class at the downtown YMCA. The first class was great, and reminded me of the Emler Swim School class that Gabriel and I took when he was the same age. Unfortunately, the instructor for that day was just subbing for our regular one. His name is Alex. He thinks he is cooler than cool and about 22 years old. Maybe. He spent the first class talking. His information was good and helpful, but I was a little irritated that he never got in the water and tried to meet his students face to face. Now we have two classes out of 6 left and he has yet to get in the water. He watches us Moms do our best to follow his sparse suggestions from the side of the pool. Give me a break. We are basically paying for the use of the pool every Saturday morning. I remember alot from that class at Emler, so I'm doing ok on my own. So well, in fact, that I think Joel is getting close to swimming on his own, but he still won't be anywhere near 10 seconds like Gabriel was at the end of his class. I guess you get what you pay for, but sadly Emler now only has a location in Southlake, and I'm not making that drive. Sheesh. At least Joel is having fun.

On the other side of the teacher spectrum, Gabriel had his first week of two weeks of swimming sessions with Mr. Bryan, who he took from last year. Mr. Bryan might just be the best teacher of anything I've ever seen. There are two kids in each 30 minute session, of comparable age and swimming level. This year Gabriel is with Kate, a 4-year-old spunky cutie. They are both making amazing strides every day. Gabriel is getting almost all the way across the short length of the pool on top of the water, swimming well underwater, jumping off the diving board (!) and starting to learn arm strokes. The jump in maturity level between last summer and this one is enormous. Last year our class was in the morning, this year we got bumped to 5pm since we didn't sign up quickly enough. Jav was worried that Mr. Bryan would be tired from teaching all day. But there is NO difference. This man is truly amazing. He is positive even about problems, he constantly gives them confidence, and he knows how to get them to have fun. There is no greater joy I have felt as a parent than watching Gabriel excel at something he had trouble with before, and have so much fun doing it. I've been on a high all week.

Saying goodbye

2011-07-10T19:15:00.003-05:00

It's just so hard. After a gut-wrenching couple of days we had to say a sad goodbye to our sweet Molly. Our last three days with her were hard but also wonderful. We all got to spend tons of time petting her, and telling her how much we loved her. But we also had to watch her pain get gradually worse, until the last day she couldn't take more than a few steps without stopping to rest. Dogs are so loving and she wanted to be right in the middle of wherever we all were, so even though I was trying to keep her in one place resting, she would always get up to be wherever we were (I guess where I was is more accurate). We grilled burgers that Saturday night, and she hobbled out to the porch in 103 degree weather to be with Jav and wait for her samples that he always gave her. When she was not on her feet, she seemed perfectly fine. We would wonder if we were making the right decision, until she tried to get up again and we knew we were.

The vet was at church when I called him, but being the wonderful person that he is he agreed to meet us at the clinic. Molly LOVED going up there, and I had been distraught thinking that we might have to take her to a strange place with people she didn't know. But she was wagging her tail just like always and happy up the end. Jav and I, though, were despondent at the thought of losing her. It seemed like she went from being fine to not being fine so fast. I kept getting almost angry thinking that she probably would have had a good two years left if this had not happened. But it did happen. I guess most people who end up with cancer and their loved ones feel that way.

I've been through this before, and know that the first week is the hardest. I keep expecting to be in her favorite spots: under the dining room table, waiting just outside the kitchen while we eat, in the hallway while the boys played with their cars. She would come in every morning with me to get Joel up, and would be in Gabriel's room every night while we were putting him to bed. I can't stand to come home and realize that our big sloppy greeter isn't here anymore. I don't like to look in the backyard and remember seeing her lying in the sun, or grazing like a big cow. I want to reach down when I'm just waking up and pet that head. I want to feel that big tail all of a sudden gently whipping my leg while I'm watering outside. All of it just hurts.

I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that for the last five years I've been home, and not working. We got to spend SO much more time with her because of that. And this past weekend I spotted a quote that has helped me more than anything:

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. "

I just love that. But my goodness I miss her.

Hurting

2011-06-28T23:34:00.003-05:00

Actually, my heart is not just hurting, it's breaking. Our sweet Molly has bone cancer in her front leg. We were thinking it was a bad sprain or her arthritis acting up. But the x-ray showed otherwise. Dr. Norris said the treatment is normally amputation. That's when the severity of what was going on hit me and the tears started flowing, even though I had both boys with me. Then he broke the news that even with amputation, prognosis is not good, only adding 6 - 9 months to her life. If we don't do the surgery, this type of cancer usually causes horrible pain that doesn't respond well to pain meds.

Oh, how I had hoped that this moment wouldn't come for another couple of years. But with a big dog, you have to think realistically. She is nine now. She's been in relatively good health, other than arthritis in her hips.

The vet gave me a card with a surgery center number to set up a consultation to help us make a decision. I made the appointment for yesterday, Monday, morning. I cancelled it last Friday. Even though I treasure every minute I get with her, I just can't put her through something that drastic for such a small amount of time. I hate that money had to be a factor, but of course it did. Honestly, though, I think even if we had the money I don't think I would have done it.

We had her on the milder pain med, and she seemed to be responding pretty well. I even walked her twice last week, which the vet had said was fine if she felt like it. But Sunday she started having a much harder time getting around. So yesterday we picked up the stronger pain medicine. It's morphine based and might make her a little dopey. It may be helping a tiny bit, but her limp is still pretty bad and she has a pretty hard time getting up. I HATE our hardwood floors right now. I wish we had carpet just to help her out a little.

I'm trying really hard to live in the moment. I've had more time this week to sit on the floor with her head in my lap and just love on her like crazy. But sometimes I get so sad I have to go off by myself and have a good sob. Gabriel knows I'm really upset. We have told him that Molly is sick and her leg is really hurting. I am spending alot of time checking to see where she is and making sure that they won't step on or stumble over her. I know she would never hurt the boys in a normal state of mind, but pain can cause some abnormal behavior.

I've been through this before with Stanley. It was agonizing, trying to decide when the time had come, and not wanting to do it too soon. This isn't any easier, although I think I learned that that dog will let me know when the time has come.

10 things...

2011-06-26T22:16:00.001-05:00

I love about summer are:

-going to the farmer's market and the of bounty fruits and vegetables available.

-playing in the kiddie pool or the sprinkler with the boys, and going swimming in big pools.

-going for early morning walks in the quiet with Molly (although this is a little tough now - more later).

-working in the yard after the boys have gone to sleep - mostly watering, watering, watering.

-air conditioning.

-the toads that visit our yard, and finding them in all of the shallow water bowls I have sitting around the yard.

-adventure Thursdays with the boys.

-grilling, now that I finally got brave and made a successful and delicious meal all by myself!

-sweet tea.

-air conditioning!!!!!

I hate about summer are:

-mosquitos (biting the boys; they never bite me).

-sunscreen, and having to apply it to wiggly boys who are ready to swim.

-feeling pressure to keep my toenails painted and looking pretty all the time.

-working in the yard after the boys have gone to sleep. Yes, this is under both categories. It just depends on my mood.

-having to get the all the laundry done by 2 pm so the garage won't be even more of a hotbox when Bones goes out for the night.

-sweating, sweating, and more sweating, and feeling like I need a shower sometimes two or three times a day.

-loading the kids in a boiling hot car.

-windy days that don't bring rain.

-my hair. It just stays up.

-worrying about the city running out of water. I know, it's ridiculous, but it's what I do.

A thank you to my son

2011-06-09T06:32:00.004-05:00

You had me nervous before you ever came out.

You see, I didn't prepare and learn about all the issues of nursing a child before I had your brother. I thought it would be easy and simple. After all, women had been feeding their babies this way since the beginning of time. But your brother came out hungry, and we could never make it all work. Which broke my heart a little. So when I found out about you, I thought to myself that I had a second chance. But would I be able to pull it off? Make that would WE be able to pull it off?

Well, we began our journey really well. You were so laid back about everything, and didn't seem to mind that your mother is a complete control freak. Something that goes against the nature of nursing. But you were patient with me. You were probably amused by my late night phone calls to my friend Sue, who I consider the equivalent of a sponsor to an AA member - only my drug was control. Every time I spoke with her, she had to patiently remind me that you were the one who should be running the show, not me.

We got into a real rhythm by about your fourth month, and I was finally able to get it. THIS is why women breast feed. It felt like an extension of the miracle of pregnancy and birth. Not only could I grow you inside of me, but I also had this ability to feed and nourish you, almost like the umbilical cord became magically attached again every time you nursed. I was nervous at first about nursing you away from home. But we learned together to do it. No need to cart around bottles, or formula, or anything. We just needed you, and me. And even though you were too big to ever feed out in public (no blanket could keep you covered up), as long as I could find a bathroom stall or empty room, we could be comfortable. Anytime you needed it, anywhere we happened to be, I could give you food.

Early on I read a book or watched TV while you ate at home, but sometime around your sixth month I decided to only pay attention to you. I sang songs to you, which you really seemed to like. I stroked your downy, fuzzy head which I know you loved, and still do. But the things you gave to me were so much bigger than anything I gave to you. I felt a connection to all the other women who came before me and did this. I felt in touch with the rhythms of the earth. I felt a relief from just letting go. But I mostly felt really, really peaceful. No matter how crazy our day had been going, or how frantic you seemed if you woke up at night, all it took was five minutes to get us both so relaxed we could go to sleep.

We had some rough spots here and there. You started getting your teeth in, and had to learn that a biting boy ends up a hungry boy. OUCH! But it only took two interruptions for you to figure that out. You are so big that we had to try a couple of different places where we could both be comfortable, ending up on an ottoman that we stuck in the middle of your room. That became such an important piece of furniture, and even though it is back in its place in the living room I will never sit on it without feeling the weight of you in my arms, remembering the sight of your sweet profile and the feel of your little hands on my face.

I find myself looking at you doing different things around the house, playing or watching TV, and I can feel my milk start to come in. I have an urge to grab you and let you eat, and start it all up again. Because even though you have been ready for this for weeks, I am still not ready, and I don't believe I would ever have been truly ready. Because when we were together, doing our thing, my addiction to control had finally given way to an addiction to peace. And because I know I will never do any of these miraculous things again. This ending brings an ending to the magic of having a baby.

But see, here's where you have come through for me again. Bedtime, which could have been hard for me to get through, has turned into a special, fun time each night. After I came up with the idea of singing one song with you before rocking and singing you to sleep, you decided to start playing a new game. You point to different squares on the wonderful quilt that Susan made for you, and want me to tell what it is, and sing a song about it. And hearing your funny babble, seeing your little thumb and index finger pressed together pointing, and knowing how happy you are has made it so easy for me to move on. Instead of the wistful sadness I was sure I would feel each night, I find myself looking forward to bedtime now just as much as before. And I realize, every night, watching you and holding you, that not only did we pull it off, but we did a fantastic job. We should both be so very, very proud.

One of the scariest nights of my life.

2011-05-25T16:43:00.008-05:00

The pictures and stories from Joplin, MO are heart-wrenching and terrifying in the fact that those tornados could have occurred here in Texas just as easily. So last night when we had more bad weather predicted, I think we were all a little more on edge than usual.

I have lived here my entire life, and I guess I've learned enough about our crazy Texas weather to know that the weather outside early yesterday evening was menacing. It looked like a windy spring day. But when you walked outside there was just something weird about the way the wind was blowing and the color of the sky that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The boys and I had eaten dinner while listening to distant thunder, and I thought, "here we go again." But by the time we finished and headed outside, the sun was shining so I thought it had all missed us.

After we'd been outside about 15 minutes, it clouded over again, and that weird wind started up again. I looked up, and even though the sun was still shining all around us, I saw there was a wall cloud directly over us, just like the ones they talk when tracking tornados. The hair on the back of my neck stood up again, and I grabbed Joel and told Gabriel to get inside so we could check the radar. He did not pay any attention to me and ran away from me when I went to grab him. Sigh. I left him outside (we were in the backyard) and went to check the radar.

A tornado had just touched down east of Springtown, but it looked like the whole storm was north of us and was going to miss us. I texted my brother in Weatherford to make sure they were ok. He replied that all they got was a little rain. I relaxed a little and gave the boys their bath. Sometime during the bath I heard my phone ring with Jav's ring, but I had left it in the kitchen. I just assumed he was calling to say he was on his way home. All through the bath we would all of sudden hear the crazy wind pick up outside. Then the home phone started ringing. As soon as I got them dried off I saw my sister-in-law had called. I called her back and she said there were now three cells they were watching, the original one up north, one headed towards her in Mansfield, and one headed towards us. Her boyfriend lives in Euless and was in the closet with his two girls with sirens going off, because that big northern cell kept spinning and ending up more south than they were predicting. Slight panic returns.

Then Jav called and let me in on the news that he was still at work with golfball sized hail and sirens going off. My first reaction was thinking not very nice words. But then I came to my senses and was glad he was in a safe place instead of driving in all of this. I finished getting the boys ready for bed and checked the radar before getting Joel to bed, which takes about 20 minutes. Then I left Gabriel on our bed watching cartoons. While I was rocking Joel my phone started ringing. It's set on Pinball Machine for unknown numbers. And it kept ding ding ding dinging. Then again. The third call (from Jav at work) I answered and he said that rotational clouds had been spotted at an intersection about 5 minutes from us, according to one of the local newscasts. He assumed the sirens would be going off, but no, all you could hear was rain and that crazy wind.

I finished getting Joel down and went to check the weather. Right about the same time the satellite went out, the sirens started going off. Well, here we go again, super-sized. I was really trying not to totally lose it with panic for Gabriel's sake. I told him to get into the bathroom and stay there, and that some strange things were going to happen because there might be a tornado coming and we needed to stay safe. I grabbed Bones, stuffed him into a cat carrier and put him in the bathroom. I couldn't find Zoe, so didn't waste any more time looking for her. Right then the hail started. Big hail. I had just learned the day before that hail meant a tornado might follow. I never knew that before. This is about when my adrenaline kicked up so high I stop remembering things clearly. I went to get Gabriel's twin mattress and got it into the bathroom really quickly. I got Joel out of bed, dragged Molly into the bathroom (she did NOT want to go in there) and closed the door. Once we were sitting on the edge of the tub I tried to hear if the sirens were still going off over Gabriel's nonstop questions, Joel's whining and Bones's yeowling. They were. Crap! Crap! Crap!

I think I also stopped worrying about whether I was freaking Gabriel out or not, because I was freaking out. I called Jav and told him we were in the tub, sirens going off and big hail falling out of the sky. So now he's freaking out. I wondered if maybe the sirens were going off due to the hail or had a tornado been spotted? Jav said he would call his sister (I guess they had no satellite either), and call me back. I finally had a moment to focus on what Gabriel had been asking me. He had been asking over and over again if everything would be different outside if a tornado came? I wasn't sure what he meant and didn't really answer at first. He said, "Mommy, just like Dorothy, after her house goes through the tornado, when she opens the door and everything looks different? Would that happen to us?"

Why, oh why did I have to use the word "tornado?" Why, oh why, did MGM have to make a movie that makes it seem like a tornado would be a fun thing to go through? I told him I would have to explain more to him tomorrow. I texted my brother to tell him what was happening. Jav called back and said that there was no worry about tornado in our area, just hail. He was going to try to make it home. I told him to please be careful, because people were still posting on Facebook that they were having a third round of sirens and hail. The scary thing about this storm is that it seemed like one minute everything would be quiet, and the next minute a big storm would drop out of the sky.

I let the (by then) totally PO'd cat out of the carrier, the totally confused dog out of the bathroom, tried to calm down the totally wired Gabriel, and went to put the totally tired little Joel back to bed. He, of course, started screaming. I tried to comfort him a little, and turned on his turtle. Then I tuned him out. I attempted to move Gabriel's mattress back down the hallway and for the life of me couldn't figure out how I had moved it so easily in there. It took me forever to get it back on his bed! I read him one book and sang him one song. He thought the whole night was a really fun adventure and conked out pretty quickly. I called my Mom to check on she and Dad. The weather outside was still windy and rainy. I remembered to text my brother to let him know that we were out of the tub and it looked like we'd had ping pong ball-sized hail. There's still a bunch of debris (mostly tufts of leaves from the trees) all over the yard. Jav finally made it home and I was SOOOOOOOO happy he made it safe and that he was home. More texts and phone calls to let everyone he was home. What in the world did we do before all of this technology? Nothing much until the next morning, I guess, except pray that all of our loved ones were safe.

So today, there were still a few leftover concerns. What to tell Gabriel about tornados without scaring him half to death. Which city official to complain to about our shabby alarm system on the Eastside. And of course, a big shout out and thank you to God (or Mother Nature?, or, insert higher power of your choice) for keeping us safe, and leaving me with this story to retell.

Big Love, part two

2011-05-21T19:12:00.002-05:00

I meant to post this with the last post. I've always loved her voice, and this cover is just beautiful. One of the things I also read about the ending of the show was a quote from Bill Paxton saying the show was never really about Bill, but about his wives. And isn't is only appropriate that this song was reworked by a woman?

End of a good (but sometimes crazy) show

2011-05-21T15:27:00.000-05:00

We were WAY behind on DVR watching this past month, and finally watched the Big Love series finale last Sunday night.

Wow. I'm still trying to decide if I liked the way it ended or not. I had become a little tired of the show last season, and found it getting ridiculous when Bill Henrickson ran for the State Senate and won. I really think the show got a bit too big for its britches that season, and would have preferred if they had stayed focused on the everyday issues that a polygamist family must face. But they pulled the story line together in the end and had me watching with enthusiasm this last season. I find myself pretty sad that the show is over.

The writing was good when it wasn't outlandish, and the acting was superb. And in one of the post-finale comments on the HBO page, a life long LDS member praised the unbelievable research the creators did on the Mormon church and its sometime sketchy history. I know I learned things every week about their beliefs, and found myself some weeks understanding why families follow that faith for generations. But other weeks they just seemed pretty wacky. Either way, it was a pretty out-there concept for a show, and they made it work. Anything with this caliber actors combined with thought-provoking writing is very rare on television these days.

Now we need to find a new drama to get hooked on since Mad Men doesn't return until 2012!

The Comic Trifecta

2011-05-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

Love them!!!!!!!!!

I was never a big fan of comics as a younger adult. I found certain people funny, like Seinfeld, but I couldn't imagine paying for an entire show and feeling it was worth my time and money. That was before Jav introduced me to a DVD of Eddie Izzard. I laughed so often and so hard through the whole thing, then found myself thinking about how smart and funny and true it all was weeks later. I couldn't wait to see his older stuff, and I knew my attitude was changing because I dreamed of possibly seeing him live. I never thought he'd get big enough to want to come to conservative, Bible Belt wearing Texas. The day I found out he was coming to the Majestic Theater a few years back was a happy one indeed (selling out, no less!) And the show passed all expectations I had going in.

Since then I have added two more comedians to my "I Will Pay To See You Live" list: Craig Ferguson and Ricky Gervais. My brother forwarded a You Tube video of Elmo interviewing Ricky Gervais to me, and I was a fan after that (although I found his hosting efforts of the last Golden Globes awards ceremony more mean-spirited than funny). Jav and I discovered Craig on his Late, Late Show a few years back and found him so funny that we decided to start watching him every night. We drifted away from him when Joel was born, but then about three weeks ago found ourselves looking at the Winstar (Shreveport casino) schedule to see if he had any shows scheduled over the summer. There were none, but then Jav, being the wonderful persistent husband that he is, found that he was going to be at Bass Hall the following Sunday night. He bought tickets and surprised me for our anniversary. Good, good husband!!!

He had an opening act, a guy we think is always on his show, who was vulgar and shocking and not very funny at all. There's something shocking and uncomfortable about hearing the F word over and over again in Bass Hall. And even though Craig cursed like a sailor here and there during the show, he was so incredibly smart and funny that I didn't really notice it. (Or maybe I just got used to hearing it in that place). I grinned, giggled and guffawed so much that my face hurt after the show was over.

The two men we've seen live are so different. Eddie Izzard thrives on making fun of history, organized religion, and other large topics of general human interest. Craig Ferguson's humor is more self-deprecating (and BOY does he have a store of material!) But both have that smart British sense of humor that I apparently love.

Now I have my eye on Ricky Gervais.

School's out for summer!

2011-05-19T12:12:00.002-05:00

First day of school - still with his summer haircut!

And taken today with his wonderful teachers, Mrs. Jendel and Mrs. Draper.

He doesn't really look that different, but boy has this boy matured in the last school year. His teachers have really gotten a kick out of him honing his drum and singing skills for the last couple of weeks. They asked me one day when I picked him up if he listened to a band called the Foo Fighters? I thought they were a bit disapproving, but then the next week (after talking with Gabriel about what's appropriate to do and not do in class), Mrs. Jendel said she had told her son about Gabriel and her son thought it was SO cool that a four-year-old like the Foos. It turns out her son is 18 and in a band himself, and really wants to meet Gabriel!

I know he will miss his friends over the next three months, but will probably still have alot of them return with him for their Pre-K next year. In the meantime, I'm planning a bunch of fun stuff for us to do. I love summer break!!!!

Lost innocence

2011-05-14T22:15:00.001-05:00

I love this picture of Cade reading to Gabriel.

Gabriel is growing up so fast. I'm not sure when it happened that he is almost not a toddler anymore. I needed to buy him some bigger undies and didn't realize that toddler sizes stop at 4T. I wandered over to the big boy clothes and found some, and had to stop myself from tearing up a little. I am so pathetic. I waited such a long time to have these boys, and wasn't sure at times if I would get to have any kids. So every day of them being small and being here with me has been a gift.

But having an almost non-toddler brings on some new challenges. Gabriel just recently started noticing what other kids are wearing and let me know that he wants a matching backpack and lunchbox set just like his classmate Joseph has. In a way, this is good because it's easy to understand what he really wants. But I'm sure it could lead to conversations that I'm sure I had with my mother, "But HE has one, so how come you won't let me get one?" Sigh. Payback is heck.

On a more serious note, we know we need to start the conversation about stranger danger and keeping private parts private and all of that. I have occasionally tried but it hasn't gone well. I HATE being the one who has to destroy Gabriel's total innocence and utmost faith in the good of mankind. Because he has that right now. He waves to people at the grocery store and tells the guy at the drive-thru window that he has a baby brother named Joel. He tried to tell our waiter at Campo Verde tonight that the fire trucks were out at the fire station when we drove by. He has no reason to believe that there are people in the world who might try to hurt him. I never saw this coming, never realized how tough it would be. I've been stalling on figuring out how to talk to him. But I know times being what they are we must find a way to have the discussion for his own safety.

In the meantime, we have ourselves a little drummer boy. He has been practicing his drums at least four times a day, playing for 15 - 20 minutes each time. His stamina is improving with each day. So, sometimes we think we should find someone to give him lessons, as long as they are used to teaching kids that young and won't teach the fun out of it. And sometimes we think he's still too young for that much direction and seems to be having so much fun that we really shouldn't interfere. We're leaning towards trying it and if he likes it, we'll keep it up at least through the summer. If he doesn't, we'll quit and maybe try again in a year or so.

Easter

2011-05-07T23:02:00.000-05:00

We had an egg hunt and lunch the day before Easter. This was the first outside egg hunt we had in the last 3 or 4 years. Thank you Easter Bunny, it's so much funner outside!

Joel didn't really understand what was going on and just wanted to play.

Counting the loot. (Gabriel caught eating the loot on camera)

This boy is growing up way too fast.

Bubbles!

Sunday we went to Mass then changed for Randol Mill Park. Another egg hunt (another disinterested Joel), and a picnic.

Thank you Tita for the homemade cupcake!

My sweeties.

Weird weather

2011-05-03T22:55:00.002-05:00

I didn't take this picture, but I wish I had. It's beautiful!

We should be used to having spring thunderstorms around here. But this year they seem a little wackier.

The first thing that's strange is that in most previous years (that I can remember, at least), the thunderstorms seemed to hit around 4 - 7 pm, right around rush hour traffic. This year they keep hitting in the middle of the night. The second thing that's strange is the temperatures keep fluctuating much more than I can remember in previous years. Here it was the beginning of May this past weekend, and the highs were in the fifties. It got down to 39 last night at our house. I seem to recall a few Mayfests that were chilly, but not this cold. And the thunder itself seems different to me. Instead of a mixture of some loud BOOMS and some rolling, the sound seems to mostly be long, long rolls that start really far off, then finally make their way here with a slight BOOM then roll on by somewhere farther away again.

Sunday night we got three different sets of this thunder, along with tons of lightning and finally a downpour each time. And don't forget that cold, whipping wind. It seemed to me like Mother Nature was being very moody and couldn't make up her mind which season it was.

Just. Plain. Weird.

New shoes

2011-05-01T15:28:00.003-05:00

We went to do some formal shoe shopping for the boys last night. All I have done up until now is use hand-me-downs, birthday and Christmas gifts, and an occasional purchase from a random shoe store for the boys' shoes. I knew that Joel has needed some that fit him better for about two months. But just didn't want to take the time to get to Stride Rite, the holy grail of shoe stores for kids, because it was kind of a long drive to The Parks mall in Arlington. And also because I knew it was gonna be expensive. Then about two weeks ago we noticed Joel had these weird blister looking things on almost all of his toes - yuck. It turns out he can't wear Crocs right now because he still turns his little toes in so much while walking, and all that rubbing causes the skin to flake. Double yuck. And since he only had those and his tiny tennis shoes, he was kind of up a creek.

So we finally loaded them up and made a fun afternoon out of it. We decided to check Gabriel's size too, because I thought his tennis shoes were looking kind of small. (Not very scientific, but at least it entered my brain). It turns out both boys need wide widths. Gabriel was only one size too small. Joel was two. Ouch. Hopefully I haven't ruined his feet for the rest of his life. We walked out with new tennies and water shoes for both boys, but since they were having a good sale it didn't his us that hard in the pocketbook. Joel wouldn't stop looking at his feet walking around the mall afterwards. He probably couldn't figure out why his little toes weren't all smushed together, and marveled that he could actually move them around.

Up until now I think I must admit one big parenting FAIL when it comes to shoes, but I have seen the light! I will now be making the pilgrimage to Stride Rite once a year to check their sizes and make a yearly purchase. I believe in the power of freer, wiggly toes!

The crazy never really stops, does it?

2011-04-29T13:44:00.004-05:00

When we first had Gabriel, we were too overwhelmed with exhaustion and the stress of being new parents to really stop and think about how much faster and busier our lives got. Then after Joel, same thing. You're sleep deprived and you just go through the motions of what you have to do in that fog, although it was easier in the sense that we knew what it was like to have a baby the second time around.

For many years now, it seems we are so nonstop busy that we don't get to stop to catch our breaths. It also seems like life gets more stressful than I can handle sometimes. Up to about six months ago (right around when Joel turned one), I would always say, "All of this will get easier and we'll have more time to do nothing." Well, now I am starting to realize that the busy never really goes away when you have children. And the really stressful times come so often that I think it's dawning on me that this is just my life now. I need to get a grip on the fact that a) we have lots of family here, so always will be busy with them, b) having older pets is going to be hard and expensive, and maybe even sad sometimes c) the kids are going to continue to get sick alot when they are little and d) we live in an old house that will constantly have things breaking down and needing to be fixed.

In other words, maybe the problem is me, and that I'm just not dealing with the stress very well.

Take, for example, the past week. Last Thursday and Friday I cleaned house like a mad woman because I had not done so in a very long time. My side of the family came for our annual Easter Egg Hunt and lunch on Saturday. It was great fun, but we were wiped out afterwards. Sunday we had Mass at 9 am and then changed clothes for a picnic and afternoon at Randol Mill Park with Jav's family. Once again, loads of fun, but completely exhausted afterwards.

Tuesday night I realized that Zoe had not eaten or drank anything since the night before and was not coming out from underneath the bed. Jav was supposed to fly out of town for one night Wednesday morning, and dropped her off at the vet on the way to the airport. The vet is pretty sure she had a bladder infection. This meant that Wednesday night, along with getting the boys fed, bathed and put to bed by myself (really not a problem anymore), I was trying to make sure Zoe ate her food with the antibiotic stirred in and was trying to keep track of whether or not she drank any water and used the litter box.

Thursday afternoon Gabriel got hit with a stomach virus, but luckily it passed through him really quickly and he seemed over that part by bedtime. But now he's coming down with a cold. Jav and I were supposed to go see a movie and go out to eat for our anniversary tomorrow, but we've cancelled with the grandma babysitters and will try again either Sunday or who knows when since Mother's Day is right around the corner. Oh, and did I mention that I'm hosting my book club here on Wednesday night? After working that day?

It still sounds awfully crazy to me. But I now realize that there are millions of families with kids and lots of family and pets who are going through the same types of weeks, maybe even busier with baseball practices and games, and homework, and whatever else that we haven't even started yet. I know how lucky we are to have these boys, to have our family close and to have so many good friends that we are busy all the time. Sometimes I just wish we could say "NO" to a few more things so that we could stop and take a breath, chill out, lay in the hammock, read a book, putter in the yard, browse in a bookstore, watch an entire movie, lollygag and loll about. Sleep.

I know you're thinking, "You need a vacation!" So true, but sadly probably not an option for us this year. Or maybe you're thinking, "Just chill out and get a grip. And quit whining!" Which is probably what I would think if I read this and somebody else wrote it.

Another crazy zoo trip

2011-04-23T23:29:00.000-05:00

We had my niece, Macy, over to spend the night last weekend. We decided to take her to the zoo, partly because they were having a new dinosaur exhibit and partly because it was absolutely beautiful outside that day. Every time we've been to the zoo lately, we've seen some really neat things. This time did not disappoint, and was just made even more fun since Macy was with us. This was the first dinosaur we walked up on. Gabriel is not convinced at this point that it's not real. They all moved and made noise, and were just so cool!

This guy was the biggest one. A little while after this was taken, we ended up at Gabriel's favorite spot - the birds of prey. (Which just happens to be mine too.) We always see something pretty amazing from these beautiful (and big) birds. And this time was no different. One of the Bataleur Eagles was sitting on a nest, and looked quite content to be there no matter how many visitors were staring at her. Then, we realized that one of the Harpy Eagles had landed just over the walkway and was causing quite a stir. He was literally two feet above our heads, but we were coming at him from behind. When I started winding around to try to take his picture from the front I overheard other zoo patrons saying something about being sorry for the mouse. I thought, uh-oh. And sure enough, he was clutching a little mouse between his gigantic talons. I tried to tell Macy and Gabriel to just walk on by and not look too close. But what does a little kid do when you tell him/her not to look at something. They gawked. And were so excited to see the mouse. Luckily, just after we all had cleared him and were looking for the Andean Condor, we heard the crowd go, "eeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!" So I guess we just barely missed seeing him eat his dinner, which would have been a little too much nature, even for me.

This looks like a triceratops, but is something called a torosaurus.

I just love it when Gabriel can spend time with his cousins. These two aren't very far apart in age, but when Cade and Macy are both at our house they have a tendency to play with each other and sort of forget about Gabriel (which I totally understand!). But that's why I decided to start having them over one at a time, alternate months. Gabriel and Macy had a GREAT time together and really bonded this time.

My very cute chubby-cheeked men.

She is such a cutie! We had so much fun with her, and laughed so much our sides hurt during dinner. I love she and Cade SO MUCH and am so glad they are close enough to be able to see them so often. Next we'll get Cade in May. Yay!

Dyo Dyo

2011-04-17T14:01:00.003-05:00

Taking a time out from his cars to do a little kicking.

I love this picture of Joel and Poppy.

...which is the way Joel says his name. We all call him Jo Jo except Gabriel, who still prefers Joel (and corrects us if we try to call him Gabe). I caught Joel in the hall playing with matchbox cars one afternoon, just mumbling to himself, "mama, dyo dyo, mama, dyo dyo." So cute. Everything he does right now is SO STINKIN' CUTE!

He likes to say a long string of Joel words while he's got one arm up in the air and his thumb and forefinger pressed together. The only thing I've determined is that maybe he thinks he is King Joel addressing his minions. Jav thinks that he is trying to tell us something very important.

He's trying to run, and those pudgy rolls of leg are going to be slimming down soon, I fear.

He LOVES to play Gabriel's drums. And gleefully speeds through the house if he happens to get ahold of the drumsticks. I've noticed that instead of constant movement through the house, he is now sitting and playing with toys for ten minutes at a time. After telling people that I didn't think he would ever get into books like Gabriel seems to be, he is contradicting me by picking out books and happily looking through them all through the day.

He started blowing kisses to people last week. And adds a, "mmmmmmm wa"

He stretches his arms to the ceiling on command ("Stretchy, stretchy, stretchy, etc...) then drops them really slowly while audibly exhaling and saying, "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh". Something he learned from watching Mommy stretch. And speaking of Mommy, he comes to find me to give me a squeeze and a kiss behind the knees around every 15 minutes. I relish each and every one. The kid needs to teach at a school for hugging.

Food is a challenge right now, at least healthy food. He is a cheese, bread and fruit man. The only meat I can get down him is turkey sausage or bologna (at least it's turkey, right?). He likes peanut butter and jelly and scrambled eggs, so at least I have a few protein options. Vegetables are a complete and utter failure. I've tried every kind and not only will he not eat them, he doesn't even want them on the high chair tray. I felt like I was making a little progress last week when he actually picked up and tried cucumber one night and sweet potatoes the next. They both ended up back out of his mouth, but at least he tried them. Sigh.

He wants to be outside ALL the time. Which I would love if it weren't for his terrible allergies. They were so bad that he developed an ear infection. So his doctor put him on a nasal spray even though he usually waits until the child turns two.

Language is present, but only in Joel-form. He says "mama", "dada", "baba" (Gabriel), "Tita", "door" (we have no idea why) and can moo like a cow. We know he is understanding many more, but doesn't seem to want to repeat them when we tell them to him. It's a little frustrating, but he just gives me this look like, "All in good time, mama". All in good time.

From Disappointment to Bursting with Parental Pride

2011-04-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

The grandmothers anxiously awaiting a performance that never came.

Jav and sister Sandra, who really should win the Tia of the Year award, every year.

Gabriel looks tense already, doesn't he? I was concerned at this point. Look at Joel hamming it up with his fake smile face. How do you know how to do a fake smile face when you're not even two?

We attended Gabriel's school fundraising event Thursday night, along with both grandmothers and one Tia. You see, he was supposed to get on stage and sing. But he didn't. He had a mini freak-out and started saying he wanted to go home as soon as the first group started getting off the stage. I had my hands full of a very cranky and Mommy-centric Joel, so Jav carried him up to the stage and hoped to talk him into joining his classmates. But no, he just wouldn't do it. So what to do as a parent? You can't take him kicking and screaming and make him stand up there. I wish I had just tuned out Joel and taken Gabriel myself, but that probably wouldn't have worked either. I had forgotten that last year the same thing almost happened, but we got lucky when one of his teachers passed our table on the way up to the stage and whisked Gabriel up there with her before he had a chance to protest.

I don't want Gabriel to have fear dictate to him what does and doesn't do as he grows up. I was that way for the better part of my life and have some regrets about it. I realize that he's still very young to be thinking about this. I guess I'm wondering, at what age do we sort of nudge him to do something that he really doesn't want to do, when we know that he will have fun doing it. I had a talk with him the next morning, and told him that after all that practicing that he sort of let down his classmates, his teachers, and most of all himself by not making himself get on stage and sing. He missed out on having some fun, and sharing his wonderful voice with all of us. He just kept saying, "But it's okay Mommy."

Then, later that same day, we visited the school where my dad is principal, Jo Kelly. We had not been for several years and his two secretaries really wanted to see Gabriel and meet Joel. My mom came too, since dad is about to retire and she may not get another chance to visit him there. Jo Kelly is the only Fort Worth public school where severely mentally and physically challenged kids can attend. I didn't realize that my dad wanted to take us around to classrooms, so I didn't have time to prepare Gabriel for anything. The kids are almost all in wheelchairs, and range from barely moving to having severe spasms, and from remaining totally quiet to verbal and sometimes shouting. The first classroom was quite a shock to the little guy, but my dad saw his face and leaned down to tell him that most of the kids here are disabled, but they are still kids just like him.

Gabriel proceeded to amaze me. He brightened right up, seemed to accept everyone just the way they were, started waving "Hi" to most of the kids, and even went up to talk to a few of the higher functioning kids when prompted by a teacher. He was downright charming with the teachers. I have never been so proud of him as I was walking through that school. And I told him so when we got back to the car. I really hope that he remembers the visit, and can continue to be accepting of people, especially kids, who are different.

Friend

2011-03-28T22:42:00.004-05:00

Gabriel has a new friend. He is imaginary. He doesn't have a name; Gabriel just calls him "my kid". He has elaborate conversations with his kid. He provides a voice for him. He apparently sleeps under Gabriel's bed. They like to read books together.

Oh, and did I mention, the kid is twenty?

Hope he doesn't get Gabriel into any trouble!

OK, so when I originally posted this, I forgot to include the funniest part. When I tried to play along with this, and offered to kiss "his kid" goodnight too, Gabriel got really quiet and then said, "Mommy, I'm just pretending!" with a very distinct "duh" tone to his voice.

Not enough hours....

2011-03-27T23:10:00.000-05:00

Technology is a blessing and a curse. There. That's my profound thought for the day.

I would love to post something in this blog every day. I constantly am thinking about quirky things I want to write about. Every day there's something about one of the boys I would love to post about to remember. Sometimes the thoughts leave me before I have a chance to get them recorded. It's been really hard to find the time to post things since I went back to work.

Facebook is something I've grown to really love. The best thing about it is that I get to keep up with friends and family who live out of town. But I also love keeping up with people from high school, especially the ones who were just acquaintances back then but I now realize they would have been really fun to know better. I've also started "liking" many places in the Metroplex so that we can keep up with what's going on. But all of this takes time. If I don't check it at all during the day, I will breeze through a whole day just before bed. It usually takes me about twenty minutes.

But the thing is, it's already 11 by the time I get into bed with the laptop and try to unwind. I don't have an extra 20 minutes to check Facebook. Or an extra half hour to blog. I need to start reading or going to sleep at that time, not hunch over the computer until I find myself dozing off. (Which, by the way, I'm doing right now).

I'm also in the habit now of checking my IPhone last thing before I go to bed and first thing when I wake up. I tell myself it's because it's an easy way to wake up a little more. But I'm starting to wonder if I'm addicted to the thing. I caught myself telling Gabriel to put his play cell phone down during meal times, just after I had been checking Facebook with mine at the table. FAIL at fair parenting.

I could take time away from the boys to try to do some of it, but that's really messed up. "Sorry, sweetie, Mommy is really busy writing down what just happened for a bunch of somewhat strangers and can't play with you right now." Or, "I know you just said a new word, Joel, but I'm still busy trying to tell everyone about the last word you learned. Could you slow it down a little?"

So I have a choice. I can 1) cut into Mommy and me time, or (2) decide to cut out some of the technology and therefore miss opportunities to record our life and keep up with every one else's, or (3) I could get less than 6 hours of sleep every night. Which is what I've been doing.

Yawn.

Kitchen drums, then and now

2011-03-26T22:07:00.003-05:00

Spring break week

2011-03-20T23:44:00.008-05:00

Spaghetti!

We had a GREAT spring break week. Monday our fun activity was a visit to the library, which is always a favorite place that Gabriel likes to go. We took our neighbor, Helen, which made it even more festive. I was just proud of myself for remembering to ask her to come along, finally.

Tuesday one of Gabriel's classmates had invited the entire class and then some over for a play date, just so the kids could get together during spring break. They lived in Colleyville in a beautiful house that backed up to a park, exclusive to the neighborhood, of course. Only about 6 kids and moms showed up from his class, but altogether there were about 12 kids around Gabriel's age. Of course, my son was the Pied Piper who led them up to the playroom when everyone thought it was too chilly to play outside. We've since had a little talk about ASKING first to go certain places in someone else's house when you are a guest. Of course, I forgot the camera so have no pictures from this or other outings we had.

Wednesday we headed over to Mike and Susan's for a fun morning. Gabriel loved seeing the parakeets and especially riding the zip line, which he is still talking about over a week later. Joel had fun rolling chalk from one side of the driveway to the other. Thursday was St. Patrick's day, and we got our green on (as you can see in the above picture). We also walked Molly down to the duck pond, and created a new thing called Furniture Slam Dancing. For the first time in months, Gabriel actually wanted to take a nap. Then we visited Mamaw and Poppy in the afternoon.

Zoe and Bones peacefully coexisting, a very rare occurrence indeed.

Joel and Molly peacefully coexisting, something that happens quite often, until Molly barks at something. Then Joel bursts into tears and runs to find me.

Friday we went for a last minute play date to his school friend Luke's house. Luke's little brother, Will, was born a week after Joel. Everybody had a wonderful time, especially the Mommies!

Saturday we had promised Gabriel we'd go to the Fort Worth Auto Show. It was fun, and Jav and I enjoyed doing some looking. Even though we hope that a new car purchase doesn't hit us anytime soon, we want to have an idea of what we'll want. We loved the Prius and Honda's new hybrid, The Insight. Of course, back home in the garage Jav's car was plotting revenge on us for seriously looking and decided not to start Monday morning.

Joel in suspended animation.

When I looked at this picture just after taking it, I got really emotional. Look at my baby! How much he has grown and changed. God they grow up fast.

Sunday we had a neighborhood Mom's Group play date at a nearby park. The kids had a great time playing, then we all walked around the lake and attempted to feed the ducks. There were around 50 of them, but no takers for our bread pieces.

Gabriel, Bennett and Harper are getting to be pretty good friends. Bennett is a year younger and Harper is a year-and-a-half younger.

I really love this picture! So, so sweet.

So Spring Break 2011 was a resounding success, especially for Gabriel. Three play dates in one week AND the creation of his now-favorite past time Furniture Slam Dancing. Go Mommy!

I have a dream....a food dream, that is.

2011-03-14T14:20:00.004-05:00

Since my last wordy post was about food, I thought I would continue the theme.

I currently do most of my grocery shopping at Wal Mart, something I am not very proud of. I hate how they put so many Mom and Pop stores out of business, and changed the face of small town Main Streets all across the country. But it is a convenient and affordable place to shop. They have also been adding organic products, and things like environmentally responsible cleaning supplies, which are also less expensive than other stores'. My dream used to be being able to shop at either Whole Foods or Central Market for everything, but those just aren't feasible options. Way too expensive.

So I have developed a new dream. Here's a working rough draft:

1. Purchase all produce and herbs from Farmer's Markets, where the food is preferably organic, and definitely seasonal. I would also love to one day purchase eggs, cheese and meat from a Farmer's Market.

2. Purchase bread, tortillas, etc.. from a bakery where they are made fresh daily.

3. Purchase fresh fish from a market.

4. Purchase spices, condiments, canned or jarred foods that aren't in season, snacks, and pantry items like olives and peanut butter from an organic grocery store.

5. Using all of these ingredients, SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY meals.

All of this sounds good in theory. But in order to execute my dream I have several large obstacles to combat. I'll take each number one at a time:

1. The Farmer's Markets in our area are still quite expensive if you want seasonal, organic food from local farms. The one market we used to shop at regularly was affordable, but I found out that they have most of their inventory shipped in from other parts of the country and world just like most grocery store produce departments. FAIL on the seasonal. The Arlington Farmer's Market has a woman selling eggs, and I need to find out her prices. They also have one family farm selling beef, but it's really expensive also. I don't know of any local Farmer's Markets that have cheeses available. We're not really in dairy country!

2. We don't really have any bakeries in our area, other than the grocery store bakeries and a few Latino bakeries a little further away.

3. There is really no place to buy really good, safe fresh fish close by. Albertson's used to be ok, but has recently given in to area consumer demand and dropped almost all seafood except farmed salmon (mercury-filled) and catfish. Love catfish, but need some other healthier options. I want to try out the nicer Kroger that is up the highway, and therefore not as convenient.

4. Obviously, if 1 through 3 can't work, I can't afford 4 either.

5. Having two picky appetites in the house to feed would make this one challenging, to say the least, if not downright impossible.

Of course, I have an alternate dream of growing my own vegetables, planting some fruit trees, and have even read up a little on backyard chicken raising. My obstacles there are Lack of Time, Lack of Energy, City Laws and Not Being Able To Kill A Chicken if One Happens To Get Sick. That last one is a doozy.

Sigh. It's nice to at least have dreams. They give you something to work towards.

Love this picture

2011-03-14T00:27:00.002-05:00

I have so much I want to write about, but just no energy or time with the busy days we've been having. So I'll just post this picture that was taken just before Christmas. We had just been to the zoo and then look who we ran into. What an exciting day!

A beautiful late winter day

2011-03-12T00:13:00.004-06:00

Sense of security

2011-03-10T23:07:00.001-06:00

Last year sometime, my mom had told me about an article in Parade magazine linking food memories and smells with kids' sense of self. The article basically said that kids who grow up in a home where there are home-cooked meals and good smells of food being prepared can relate those things later in life to where they came from. It said that even if you make your kids a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, toast the bread a little to get those olfactory senses going.

I've written on this blog several times about how powerful my food memories are, and how even just thinking of certain foods can take me back to a time and place of long ago. And make my mouth water.

I figured out some time after we moved into this house that I love the smells from the kitchen wafting through the house. So much so that I have pretty much stopped burning scented candles of any kind. Because no matter how good they smell, they still don't smell half as good as a pot of soup cooking on the stove. Or a pork tenderloin, smothered in a honey mustard glaze, braising away in the slow cooker. Or yesterday's homemade spaghetti sauce slowly simmering for half of the day. The smell still lingered this morning. I hope I'm providing that feeling of security for my kids, even if they won't realize it for years to come.

I have a large bag of candles I need to give away, if anyone wants them.

Math part two

2011-03-01T23:28:00.004-06:00

Sometime the universe lines up in crazy ways.

Just after I concocted my post about math last week, we got a package in the mail for Gabriel and family. At the time I assumed it was from my mom but it was actually from my late friend Cobra's husband, Mark. After seeing him at Cobra's memorial service, I had a few emails back and forth to him regarding Joel's birth, but then it seemed awkward to continue to have much contact with him. Even though he came to our wedding, he and Cobra had dinner with Jav and I a couple of times, and was sometimes around when I visited Cobra at their home, I didn't have all that much interaction with him and it just seemed strange to try and stay in touch with him. But we sent him a Christmas card, and I guess that motivated him to send a gift to Gabriel.

The amazing thing was that it was a book called, "You Can Count on Monsters". Each page has a number (from 1 to 100) on the left side, and a "monster" on the right that is some type of geometric shape. Every prime number gets its own monster. Non primes show the factors that make up that number and their monsters. Sometime they are distorted, or drawn in strange ways, but you can always tell which on is which. For example, the image above shows "7", one of my favorite monsters, a hexagon wearing glasses. This is the picture for fourteen, in which the hexagon is eating the "2" monster, which is made up of circles. It really is an awesome book, not just because the monster pictures keep Gabriel interested, but because it teaches math using pictures of something besides numbers. He loves the book and is now really good at counting to 100.

I sent Mark a long thank you note asking him to let me know how he's doing.

Oscars continued

2011-02-28T23:05:00.002-06:00

Yay!!! The movie I was rooting for won Best Picture! And two of my favorite actors for years (him since 1995 , her since 1996) won Best Actor and Actress. Now Black Swan is a priority to see, followed by 127 Hours and The Fighter. Of course, we are still trying to catch up from last year's winners. We are pathetic.

Bird watching geekiness 101

2011-02-27T12:06:00.000-06:00

See the cardinal?

It's hard to imagine that we had such extreme cold just a few weeks ago. We've been having 70 degree weather for a week now, so the memories of that cold weather have already started to fade. But I do remember that the toughest challenge for me was making sure our birds had food and fresh water to get through the extremely cold temperatures. I for one cannot imagine having to stay out in that cold longer than 30 minutes, let alone spend all day and night out there.

So by the second day of teen-high weather, I was going out three times a day to switch out frozen water bowls with fresh ones.. And every morning before the first feeding (around 7am) and the last feeding (between 5 and 6), I would not only make sure our bird feeders were full to the brim, but I started leaving seed under and around the feeders, under the holly bushes in the front, along the side of the house and in the back corner of the backyard, all the places near the water. At first I was surprised by how few birds seemed to be coming out to eat. But the third day, I glanced outside and saw about 25 birds of various sizes and colors eating. That's just about the most I've ever seen in our yard, and by the end of the day there were even more. That's when I started to feel like all of my hard work was paying off.

Our "regulars" consist of wrens, chicadees, small woodpeckers, cardinals, and a ton of dove. We also have, on occasion, blue jays, crows and a grackle now and then. All of these were in attendance during that cold snap, along with some stranger birds that I'd never seen before. There was a solid black bird that was the size of a jay, but puffier than a jay or a crow. There was a little bird with a yellow chest and an olive green back the likes of which I've NEVER seen in our yard before and now seems to have disappeared. But the bird that has me staring out the kitchen window to hopefully catch a glimpse of is our woodpecker that has now come back the last two winters. I've written about it before, how elusive he or she is. It doesn't like to hop down the tree to eat from the feeder unless there are no other birds or squirrels around.

I looked up woodpeckers in Gabriel's bird book and determined that it is of the red-bellied variety. Those are 2-3 inches bigger than most woodpeckers. It's at least 9" tall, with beautiful black and white patterned feathers on the back of its head and wings, and red on top of its head. It's a stunning bird, and the picture above doesn't do it justice at all. The Saturday after our week of cold, I looked up during lunch and saw two of them. But the second one must have been one on it's way to somewhere else because I never saw it again. And I haven't seen our regular now since it's become warmer. I just hope it returns again next year.

The reason I went through such efforts is not just because I feel responsibility for any living thing in our yard, but also because bird watching has become one of my favorite things to do. We have another stand-up squirrel-proof bird feeder to put up in the backyard if we could just find the time. I'd like to find just the right spot so I can see it from our bedroom window. During that cold week there were moments when I was about to go crazy being cooped up with two stir crazy kids. I would find myself at the kitchen window, just watching. It must lower my blood pressure just like petting my dog's head. I may even start keeping a little log of the birds we see and hear in our yard. Next thing you know I'll be buying a pair of field glasses and a kazoo for bird calling.

Oscar contender?

2011-02-25T23:59:00.004-06:00

We watched The Social Network over the last three nights. I didn't like it from the get-go. I didn't like how fast everybody talked and couldn't follow the techie language. Plus the main character is so unlikeable that it seemed impossible to root for him on any level. I guess the story was interesting, and the only character I did root for was the former best friend/partner that ended up suing him. That was the only reason I was still paying even slight attention by the end of the movie. I just don't see how so many people think that it was the best movie of last year. No way.

The ironic thing is that instead of paying total attention I decided to multitask and check Facebook.

Math

2011-02-24T15:42:00.003-06:00

I hated math growing up. I had myself convinced that it was too hard for me and really wouldn't even try much. I only made two C's in high school, one in geometry and one in chemistry. The minute I found out that chemistry had alot to do with math I assumed I was doomed.

Then fast forward to college. Actually the second try at college, after I had worked in the accounting field for awhile. All of a sudden, math didn't seem so threatening. In fact, I actually started to enjoy the common sense and, well, order of it all. Jav and I were talking about what it would be like to work for one of the big accounting firms, and how neither of us would probably like the corporate culture very much because it would be working for and with a bunch of people who LOVED accounting. And we don't. But I had a long hard think about that, and realized that I do really like it. It makes sense to me where so much of this world does not. I felt at home balancing accounts and making sure all the numbers came out like they were supposed to. If they didn't it could be a puzzle, and, dare I say it, FUN to figure out why.

So now, I am REALLY looking forward to helping the boys with their math. I feel like I have a new opportunity to make sense of it all again and conquer my fear of word problems and balancing equations. And of geometry, which I am ashamed to say is the only time in my life I felt the need to cheat to make it through a class. Bring on the isosceles triangles!!!!! You don't scare me anymore.

Perfect weekend, and then some

2011-02-21T15:05:00.006-06:00

The groceries for the week were all bought on Friday morning. The house was totally clean by 9:am Saturday morning. These are the first clues that this was not going to be an ordinary weekend.

First up on Saturday was a neighborhood Moms group playdate. We thought seven kids were going to be here, which would have been the biggest turnout ever. But the same two Moms (with one Dad) and their kids showed up, which was fine because we've gotten to know each other and it's comfortable to be around them now. It was nice enough to go outside, thankfully, and I think everybody had a good time. This was the 8th or so get together with this group, and I'm so glad it exists. It may not last long, though, as the other kids become old enough for public school. Their parents may decide they don't want to fork over the big bucks for private school and start looking for a better and safer school district. Can't say that I blame them.

After everyone left I had two hours to get the kids lunch, get Joel to sleep, and get myself ready. Because Ladies and Gentlemen, I was having myself a Saturday night. Ok, I guess it was really a Saturday afternoon and early evening. But still, the first date that Jav and I have had since Joel was born was going to finally take place, and I didn't really care what time it was. We love doing early date nights because we get home in time to put the boys to bed and still have some wind down time. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend had offered to watch the boys for us so we could go out for Valentine's Day. And now that I am weaning Joel, I finally felt comfortable enough to leave him for both a movie and dinner.

We went to The Movie Tavern, our first experience there. We ordered two beers and a basket of fried pickles and sat back to enjoy the show. And enjoy is an understatement, because we saw The King's Speech. Even with all the Oscar hoopla and multiple articles read about the movie, my expectations were blown away. It was so good that 45 minutes or so into it I was wishing I could watch it again. Jav and I both can't get enough of movies based on true stories, and we really didn't know much about this one. It was amazing to us how suspenseful it got leading up to the big speech (of the title), when it's already one of the most famous speeches in history. We spent any free moments the rest of the weekend looking up the true story to compare to the movie and answer a few questions we had. Any time I find myself thinking about a movie weeks afterwards, I know it was a good one. I anticipate thinking about this one for a long time.

Then dinner at So7 Bistro, located in the very trendy uptown Ft. Worth off 7th street (also where the movie tavern was). We had a Groupon for $40 worth of food for $20, plus I got $5 off because it was my first time to use Groupon. (I want to do a whole post about Groupon someday). Not a bad deal, and the food was really good. They bill themselves as French mixed with new American, but we thought it was odd that the awnings surrounding the bistro said, "pizza and burgers, bar and grill". It seemed like they were still trying to find themselves. But it was good, and we sat outside (something we never thought we'd be able to do in February). It reminded both of us of eating in sidewalk cafes in Europe. Without the 500 year old church across the street.

When we got home Gabriel wouldn't talk to us at first, and last night at bedtime I figured out that it was because his feelings were hurt that we didn't take him with us to see a movie. Tonight, after I told him a story and sang to him, he apologized for not talking to us when we came home on Saturday, and said he would try to do better next time. Apparently it was still on his mind!

Saturday night going into Sunday I got a full 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep, something that I never, ever get. After a big breakfast we took the boys to the park. It wasn't too crowded and the weather turned out to be cool and cloudy. Perfect park weather! After romping around for an hour or so, we got out Gabriel's tricycle so he could practice in the empty part of the parking lot. He has improved like crazy since the last time we brought him with the trike. When we got back home he was so tired he didn't even make lunch. He conked out on his bed. After lunch we all took naps. And after dinner I got to take Molly for a walk all by myself, another thing I love to do on Sundays.

Monday morning Joel, Gabriel and I walked Molly just as a front blew in. When we left it was muggy and warm. When we got home it was chilly with a blustery north wind. Gotta love Texas weather! Gabriel is doing really well on our walks, which are averaging 1.5 to 2 miles, with two really big hills to walk up. That's alot of steps for his little legs! Then we played in the backyard until lunchtime. It's so nice to be able to play outside again!

What we did on our ice/snow days

2011-02-13T23:47:00.005-06:00

Gabriel would say, "We played and played and played."

And yes, we really did play that much. What else were we going to do for five days? We played with dinosaurs, and took them to the zoo on a big train where they got to spend the night. We played our alternative to the tickle game, "Which spider is it?" "It's the ear tickle spider!" "OH NO!!!!!!!"

We built a fire station out of leggos. We raced to several dozen emergencies in the fire trucks and ambulances. Gabriel fell in love with playing ball down the hall. So did Joel. We also played Mother, May I?, a game my Dad used to play with my brother and me, but I guess we should've called it Father, May I? The leader tells the competitors how many steps to take towards the finish line, and whether the steps will be baby or giant, or backwards, or bunny hops, etc.... The competitor must ask, "Mother, May I?" before performing the command. If not, they have to go all the way back down the hall. I told Gabriel it wouldn't be as fun to play by himself, but he insisted. The sad part is, he kept losing. Four-year-olds!

We went outside a few times, but it was just so darn cold. Molly would love it when we braved the cold, and ran around like a puppy in the snow. She looks so little in this picture!

My boys. Joel doesn't look very happy. I think he's really, really cold in this picture. Jav had to go to work the first day. Then the second day they told the employees not to come in. Then no word either way on the third day, so he braved it. It took him two hours to get to work and 2-1/2 hours to get home. The fourth day they said to use your best judgement, so he stayed home. What a wackadoo week.

Oh, how this picture makes me laugh. It looks like we got over two feet of snow, when in reality Jav slid into St. Francis and broke him in half. I told him to not feel too bad because St. Francis's water basin had cracked and wasn't holding water any more. We bought a new one last weekend and are determined to bring him in every time it gets below freezing. He has a little light near his feet that is solar powered. An upgrade, if you will.

I am now a big believer in wearing a hat and gloves any time the temperature drops below 40 degrees. I also got really good at layering, which I believe keeps you much warmer.

Gabriel's first ever snow angel.

We also played with the costume box. I taught Gabriel how to do the chicken dance, and he LOVED it once he got the hang of it. Joel got to practice walking in the house. And practice and practice and practice! He was practically running by Saturday. We also made popcorn on the stovetop. And ate ourselves silly, like cave people who had to brave the cold. When in reality we barely stepped outside. There were long Facebook sessions for Mommy when insanity started to creep in.

The snow day last Wednesday was still welcomed in our house, even though we had all been on the verge of some pretty scary cabin fever by the end of that 4-day spell. The boys and I made our first tent in the hall. My brother and I used to build tents and camp out in them all day. I'd have a stack of books and a radio when I got older. But I never had the greatness of glowsticks. Gabriel seemed to finally understand how fun it could be after looking at me like I was crazy for a half hour or so.

I keep telling Gabriel that we don't normally get snow and ice in Texas very often in the winter. But ever since he's been able to remember winter, we've gotten a bunch of snow. I have no credibility whatsoever with him now.

Little things

2011-02-03T13:29:00.003-06:00

These are Gabriel's bathroom buddies. The first pretending he ever did was with them in the tub. Their names are Peaky (we thought he said Pinky, but were quickly corrected), Purple Wyme (once again, we thought he said Purple Wine, but couldn't figure out how he knew anything about that), Sally, Bluto and Greenie. Most nights recently they have a Buddy band with various rotating instruments. Joel took a shine to Peaky from the get-go and wouldn't let go of him during the whole bath at first.

We decided Joel needed his own Buddies, but of course he like the original ones better. Gabriel only plays with these, so we let him name them also. Allow me to introduce Bluey Blue, Orangey, Reddy Freddy and Greenie-Back to you.

This gentleman we just call Turtle. He has been a huge part of both of the boys' crib time. He plays 5 or 6 songs, with a very quiet and pretty sound, and also has a button for wave noises. The two little fish move and another button turns on a soothing bluish-green light. Joel uses him much more than Gabriel did, though, and has relied on him for a much longer period of time. Gabriel didn't seem to need him much after four or five months. Joel's loved him for about nine months, and is still going strong. He used to help him get to sleep, but doesn't need him for that anymore. We hear him in the middle of the night often, and especially in the morning once Joel is ready to get up.

I will be a very sad Mommy when it's time to take Turtle down for good.

I haven't done any comparison pictures lately, but this was too good to pass up. Look how different they are! Not just in looks, either, but in personality. Gabriel - careful and fearful/Joel - no cares or fear. Gabriel - quiet (at least, WAS quiet at that age)/Joel-world's loudest baby. Gabriel - loves books/Joel - throws them across the room. They both have two loves, however - music and trucks.

Crazy Texas weather

2011-02-01T23:39:00.004-06:00

Four days ago the high was 75 degrees and it was absolutely gorgeous outside. Hammockville, here we come!

Shoes? We don't need no stinkin' shoes! It always floors me to see Joel's perfect posture.

Fast forward to today. Humongous cold front blew in last night with temperatures lower than they have been in 10 years. The sleet was hitting the windows like a hard rain, and it thundered for about two hours. Notice Joel now has his dapper Cary Grant turtleneck on while he watched TV this morning.

Gabriel begged me to go outside, so it took us 10 minutes to get him dressed with all of his layers, double socks and mittens, which took the longest to put on. He wasn't too happy when, after all of that, I wanted to take his picture.

The view from the back door this morning.

Finally a smile. He had been running for five minutes and his cheeks are rosy from the wind. And I forgot to post this part yesterday: All day long Gabriel tried to convince me that because it had snowed, it must be Christmas Eve. Love the way his brain works!

Mama bear

2011-01-29T22:12:00.003-06:00

Gabriel and I went to a Young Chef's Academy class this morning. It was supposed to be a neighborhood Mom's group event, but the one other Mom and kid that were supposed to come didn't show up. The cost was $35.00 and Gabriel had been looking forward to it for weeks. I was a little apprehensive, just because he sometimes doesn't take to alot of structure well and he has a tendency to give up on stuff if he thinks it's too hard. But since he's going to school three days a week and the teachers haven't mentioned anything problems, I had a little hope that he might find it fun.

The place seemed really cool at first, with a brightly colored kitchen, and all the kids getting to wear aprons and sit on stools at a stainless steel counter. It became clear to me after the first 5 minutes or so, however, that neither The Chef nor his assistant (an EXTREMELY bored-looking high school girl) were very good with smaller kids. To make things worse, all the other kids in the class were regulars and had obviously been coming for awhile. The only exception was a small 3-year-old who had his older brother helping him out. I knew we would probably be in trouble when Bennett and his Mom still weren't there after 15 minutes. Gabriel kept looking at me through the glass (where the parents could stay and watch), and asking where Bennett was. Then he kept squiggling on his stool so much that it would end up too far away from the counter for him to reach anything, but no one noticed so I would run in and scoot him up. I told him that it didn't look like Bennett was coming, but that he was doing a great job - just keep listening to the chef. The problem was, the chef was kind of an idiot. I kept thinking how I could do so much better getting not just Gabriel, but all the kids engaged and excited about cooking.

They were making a quiche (another problem since Gabriel doesn't like eggs), and Gabriel tried to chop the onion and Swiss cheese with his really cool pizza cutter-type slicer. But most of it kept landing on the floor. Once again, no one noticed or tried to help him do it better until almost the whole onion was on the floor. Then it was his turn to crack the egg and try to put it in the bowl. The whole thing ended up on the counter. Although the chef tried to be nice and laugh it off, you could tell he was irritated. And of course, Gabriel could tell he was irritated and thought he had done something wrong.

All of a sudden I noticed he was rubbing his eyes, and for a second I thought the onion was bothering him. Then his bottom lip started to stick out like it has since he was a baby and about to cry. I went in and took him off to the side where no one could hear us and he managed to get out, "I want to go home" just before the tears started. I tried to tell him that they were almost done and he was going really well. I don't want him to be one of those kids that can't see anything through to the end if it's too hard (like I am). But he held his guns, and since I was inclined to agree with the shabby way they had run the class, I quietly took off his apron and hung it back on the peg. The Chef sort of smiled and mumbled, "Sorry," as we were walking out.

I wanted to punch him. And the bored girl who was supposed to be helping. They made my kid CRY. And have a terrible time at something he had looked forward to for weeks.

Once we got outside I gave him a big hug and we drove just up the street to Starbucks. We got Chai, warm milk and mini donuts, and it didn't take long before he looked like his happy little self again. My anger started to wane a bit, but not enough to complete forget. I sent an email tonight telling them how disappointed I was at the outcome. And a suggestion to hire people who know how to work with young kids if you are going to include them in your classes.

That Mama Bear instinct is a mighty powerful one.

Halcyon days

2011-01-23T13:45:00.002-06:00

I love the word "halcyon". According to Greek mythology, "halcyon days" refers to the seven days of winter when no storms occur. Mary Chapin Carpenter has a song called "Jubilee" on one of her CDs (Stones in the Road, in case anyone is interested). I love, love, love this song, and the last line says, "When we look back and say, those were halcyon days, we're talking 'bout jubilee!" I have no idea what she's singing about, but I've interpreted that line in my own way using the last year of my life. My definition would be more like, "days when you have no stress and don't have to be rushed to do anything".

There is no doubt that having babies and toddlers around is hard work. It's the hardest work I've ever done, and I've never been so tired night after night when I finally fall into bed. And even though having Joel doubled the hard work, there has also been a sense of calm and well being that hit me sometime during the last year. The realization hit me that I have been blessed beyond belief. I've been able to stay home with these wonders and witness every change, every milestone reached, like Joel walking his first five or six steps down the hallway last Thursday. All the big stuff.

But it's the little stuff that I think I will remember. The stuff that a full-time working Mom might not have time for. The days of coming home from doctors appointments and driving by the duck pond on the way home, just to see if we can count how many ducks stayed instead of migrating (it turns out all of them). Driving Gabriel to see the middle school construction site so he could watch the diggers and cranes at work. Going the long way home from various places in order to swing past the fire station and maybe, just maybe, catch a glimpse of the fire trucks. Doing nothing in the backyard other than laying on a blanket and staring up at the sky through the trees. Then finally succumbing to Gabriel's begging and kicking the soccer ball up and down the yard with him, holding a gleeful Joel the whole time. Watching Joel take blocks and place them in various very important places around his room, like in his crib, in his nightstand drawer, and in the seat of the rocking chair. Hanging out after dinner to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Patty Cake". Going to the scary-guy store during Halloween just to see which scary guys were left. Playing tickle on the floor with both boys.

I started working two days a week last week and our dynamic changed. Maybe it was because I felt a need to rush more, and an urgency to get things done around the house on the days I don't work. I still drove past the duck pond, but felt like I missed out on many more of our special moments. I hope that we can get back into a rhythm where the moments don't escape me, but I don't have any illusions about the fact that it will never be quite as special as it was when I had ALL of my time to give to them.

When I look back to the last year, the year Joel turned one and Gabriel turned four, I will think to myself that those were indeed our halcyon days.

Christmas pics

2011-01-16T14:45:00.008-06:00

Abner, the ultimate symbol of friendship, dolled up for the holidays. Julie, Audra and I bought him at The Christmas Store in Dallas in 1984. We grandfathered Jana in and started passing him around between us for a year each. My kids love him, but I don't let them play with him too much for fear they will break him beyond repair.

Pics taken at Chuy's in Dallas, after we had stuffed ourselves and were ready to power shop at Froggy's.

These are all from Christmas Eve, where we hosted Jav's family for the first time. We were a little sad that Jav's Dad decided he didn't feel well and couldn't join us. These pics are all a little dark because I had lots of candles and very few lights on.
Tia Sandie's boyfriend, Michael, entertaining Joel for me while I finished up dinner. They bonded immediately because they have the same haircut.

Gabriel helping his Tita open a present.

Do you see a theme here? We still are all suffering from Ranger fever! Joel's is a Michael Young shirt and mine is Elvis Andrus. Too cool!

Tia and Michael. Such a sweet couple!

Cool! A bike helmet!

Cool! A car!

The tired family pic after the festivities were over.

A VERY excited little boy on his way to bed to listen for Santa.

And Christmas morning finally arrives. This was the first year we invested in Christmas pajamas for Gabriel. Joel's is a hand-me-down, but it worked!

One of the things Gabriel really wanted was a cowbell. We need more cowbell!

Gabriel's big present from Santa. We searched and searched for the earplugs he must have left Mommy and Daddy, but sadly to no avail. Santa, what were you thinking?

This picture makes me think of the Christmas paper carnage scene in A Christmas Story. But instead of a zeppelin, Joel got a train.

Here's Gabriel and I watching A Christmas Story, a family tradition on Christmas Day.

Now fast forward two weeks to the celebration at my Mom and Dad's. My Mom got sick Christmas weekend, then Jav and I were sick New Year's. We were all a little frustrated, but then realized that it didn't matter when we got together. As long as we all were together!

Macy showing off her first tooth loss, EVER! She has a pretty Christmas dress on because she got sick and missed her Christmas concert at school and her Mom told her she could wear it to our party.

Gabriel and Uncle Dave, patiently (HA) waiting to open presents.

Philip, Cade and Macy passing out presents.

This picture makes me laugh because it looks like Philip is a priest.

And one final sad picture of Zoe wondering where all the ornaments went, just before we hauled her favorite toy out to the curb.

Welcome to 2011

2011-01-02T10:52:00.001-06:00

In the past I've kept notes on little things that Gabriel did or said throughout the year to post at year-end. I did this for both kids for a few months, but didn't really keep it up. I think I've done a pretty good job documenting things as they happened. So instead, I will just give a snapshot of what everybody's up to as we close out one year and start another.

The holidays have been one big blur to Jav and I. Just after our fun cousin sleepover, I got sick. Then Jav got sick. We have the same thing - sinus infections and bronchitis. Big surprise! Gabriel also started coughing and had a bad runny nose all through Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. We were supposed to go to my Mom and Dad's Christmas Day, but she's been sick and we decided to postpone it a week. Because of Jav and I we now are postponing it another week. It really sucks, especially for Jav since he was sick the entire time he was off for Thanksgiving, and now the whole time he was off for Christmas. Poor guy! I can't seem to get well, or even better this time, and we think it may be because of the mountain cedar this year being REALLY bad. Now Joel either has a bad cold or bad allergies. Gabriel seemed to get better after Christmas, but is now coughing again. We have really had it with allergies, and are even starting to research where we could move one day to get away from these seasonal allergies that plague all of us now. I'm thinking Canada. But then I'd probably turn out to be allergic to snow!

Gabriel has matured into this little mini-teenager. I really don't recognize him any more. He loves to talk to people on the phone, and loves to keep Jav and I updated on every single thing he is doing or planning to do. He has elaborate conversations between matchbox cars, dinosaurs, Toy Story figures, or anything else he finds. He is VERY strong willed and has TV or playing his new drums taken away from him when he's not minding. Which is often. He and I are very alike and therefore find ourselves clashing. I have to really watch my temper and try to find patience when dealing with this smart, talking back, opinionated, know-it-all little guy.

BUT we had a great Mommy and Gabriel only morning this past week. We started out at the library, where he loves to go. Then I decided to hunt up and down Lancaster for Sword's Music, which was around when I was young. I thought I remembered seeing it a year or two ago, and sure enough, it's still there! One of the few buildings that hasn't been either boarded up or turned into a liquor or pawn shop. (How sad.) They sell all kinds of instruments and offer lessons, which I didn't know about. I had been promising to take Gabriel if it was still there, and he was SO excited to find out it was! We just hung out in there for about 45 minutes looking over and over again at all of the instruments. He wanted to try to play all of them, but I wouldn't let him touch anything, and many of the instruments were behind cases anyway. I found out they will give drum lessons to four-year olds, but when I told Gabriel about them he said he already knew how to play. I guess he's still a little young for lessons. Then we went to Taco Bueno for lunch. It was great, because he looked at me like he used to when he was smaller, like I was his hero instead of that mean person who is constantly riding him about something. By the afternoon all was back to normal and he was not liking me very much again. I know it's because I still spend most of my free time with Joel, and I don't sit and play with him for long periods of time like Daddy does. Sigh. But the thing I am most proud of about Gabriel right now is that he is such a loving, sweet older brother. He dotes on Joel. If he does feel jealousy towards him, he takes it out on me, never on his brother. It is so sweet to see the two of them playing together.

Joel is also maturing into toddlerville at a very rapid rate, although still not walking. He loves to just stand places for a long time, but then is content to drop and crawl to the next place he's after. Which is all the places he's not supposed to go, like the toilet, the big glass doors on our entertainment center, the pet water bowl, Gabriel's tiny cars, Molly's bed (while Molly is in it), etc... etc... You can't leave him alone for a minute. If I have to get ready to go somewhere or load up the car, I put him in his room and lock the storm door (the best and smartest thing we ever installed in this house), because it's virtually baby proof. The only thing that still might happen is a bad fall, which does occasionally. On grocery store days he's in there on and off all day. I HATE grocery store days these days. It takes us 2 hours at the store and then it's such a pain to put everything away when we get home. It usually takes me all day to get it done.

Anyway, Joel is verbalizing like crazy and has no shyness about letting you know when he's mad about something. He is so dang loud! But so dang cute. He loves for me to carry him around the house and look at our family pictures. He has this cute move where he'll swing his head way out to look at my face when it's a picture of he and I. Then he smiles and kicks his excited legs. Another cute thing he's doing now is from Jav's mom. She has "blown on" the lights with both boys. She blows in the direction of the light while turning it on and off. Then she tries to get them to blow by saying it in Spanish ("sopra le", which means "blow it" from the verb soplar -to blow). Gabriel would never actually blow, just be delighted that you could do it. Joel blows, though, especially when he's on the changing table and bored. The light goes on and off about 5 times during one diaper change, if I'm quick. And he still loves to put food in his hair, which makes for cheap entertainment during meal times.

Our pets are all sick of winter and of us being sick. We haven't been able to walk Molly (who will turn 9 in February) in two weeks, and I have lots of guilt about that. I figure the more we get her moving with her arthritis, the longer she's going to live. The cats are pouty about us not ever going outside lately. All the pets are at their happiest when me and the boys go out to play. They just love to hang out in the yard with us. So this is a tough time of year for them. Zoe (who is 9) continues to amaze us with her socialness, for lack of a better word. When Cade and Macy were over she was right in the middle of all of us, and actually let both of them pet her as long as I was there to supervise. Who is this friendly cat? But she's still Zoe, because Gabriel has gotten a scratch and and light bite from her recently. both of which were mostly Gabriel's fault. Bones is still Bones, and will turn 14 this year. If he's in the mood, he's a friendly guy. If not, watch out. He is still in great shape, jumping fences and prowling around, as long as it's not too cold outside. He loves to sleep at the end of Gabriel's bed on his soft Lightning McQueen blanket. He wants to spend his late nights/early mornings in the garage, and gets very bratty if he doesn't get to go. But when we have really cold nights, like last night (24 degree low), I try to wait until as late as possible, and he tears around the house doing his mad "Meow" and a combination hop and run. Then he starts stalking Zoe, something that is happening way too much now. They get into fights about once or twice a week.

That is a picture of our life at this moment. By tomorrow, it will be different!

Another new holiday tradition

2010-12-29T12:59:00.005-06:00

I was determined this year to have my niece and nephew over to do some fun stuff for the holidays. Last year we had just had Joel, and the years before that Macy was too small to come. But now they are getting older so fast, and with Cade turning nine this year I wonder how many years I'll have left with him wanting to come hang out with us. So I planned an entire day and evening of fun and couldn't believe that we got it to happen on short notice.

The only problem was that it was the Tuesday before Christmas. You know, that time when you still have about a billion things to do and aren't quite sure how you're going to manage all of them? Well, I just didn't want that to stop this. Isn't hanging out with family what Christmas and the holidays are all about? Not getting stuff done.

We met them on the west side of town Tuesday morning so that I could switch cars with April. She drives a giant Durango, and we can't fit more than two car seats in our car. We headed back home amidst much excited talking. The kids played for awhile while Joel took a nap, then we had lunch. My plan was for my Mom to go to the zoo with all of us, since I was a little nervous about taking all four kids by myself. But my Mom got sick and had to bow out, so I asked if my dad, also knows as Poppy, would come. He agreed. Everyone was so excited about this zoo trip it was ridiculous! Even me!

We had such a good time. The weather cooperated a little too much and we found ourselves getting sweaty and hot in the sunnier places. Cade is old enough to help us with Macy and Gabriel, who held hands with each other or me the whole trip. My Dad and I took turns holding Joel up to see things, since one of the only flaws I find with the Ft. Worth zoo is that babies in strollers really can't see much. Everybody got to see their favorites, and we ended the day as we always do with the apes and monkeys. The gorillas were very accessible which made everyone happy. The last time we went I forgot to post about the second biggest male gorilla suddenly charging the glass and hitting it with all of his might, scattering the crowd and leaving us all really nervous and trying not to think about what happened at the Dallas zoo. Luckily that didn't happen this trip since Cade and Gabriel were literally inches from him sitting right next to the glass. He would look at them occasionally, but I'm trying to teach Gabriel to not stare right into their eyes because I think it's rude.

We all came home to have some much needed quiet time. But instead we headed to the back yard, because it was 85 degrees outside! Then Jav got home early, which was great because that meant we could go look at Christmas lights. We picked the Diamond Loch neighborhood over Interlochen, which I think takes too long and eventually becomes too much of a good thing. Diamond Loch is always really pretty, not too long and not too crowded. And our expectations were met. The kids all loved it. One of my neatest memories from the day will be driving back home from the lights, all of us (except Joel who had graciously fallen asleep minutes from the house), singing Feliz Navidad at the top of our lungs. It made me think of "A Christmas Story" when the Mom and kids are singing Jingle Bells together after picking out a Christmas tree.

Bedtime was a little chaotic, as we knew it would be. Joel got to bed just a little late, but everyone else was an hour later than usual. And then Cade kept trying to scare Macy, who is not used to sleeping away from home. She didn't really need help, because lots of things make her nervous, like the thought of one of our cats plodding over her air mattress on the floor of our living room. Which I never thought one of them would do, but of course, they both did. After all the initial hoopla, the kids both managed to get to sleep and did really well the rest of the night. The next day was low-key. Just breakfast and playing until they went home around lunchtime. But great memories were made that I hope the kids will keep with them for a long time. I know I will.

The forgotten birthday

2010-12-28T20:27:00.002-06:00

My sweet one-year-old boy.

Little Joel turned one amidst the post-Thanksgiving and pre-Christmas hoopla, as he will every year seeing that his birthday is December 1st. And it kind of got lost in the shuffle, as it probably will every year. We are going to try to fight that, though.

We resisted putting up Christmas decorations inside until after his birthday. We wanted him to be the star, at least this year. He, however, in typical Joel fashion, was very nonchalant about the whole thing.

All he really wanted to do was pull out all the videos and DVDs. We say he's taking inventory. He started out just pulling them out. Then he started trying to put them back. Now he looks and them and decides if it's one he likes or not.

We decided to just have family, and we just had a small afternoon party instead of a big meal like we always tried to do with Gabriel. This is his cake. I don't mean THE cake, I mean HIS cake. The corner of ours is in the background of the picture. The bakery his Tia found will make a smaller version for the kid to tear into.

Only it's not so small, and he didn't quite know what to do with it.

It took a lot of time and a lot of coaxing to get him to dig in.

But then he got a little better at it, and before long he was stuffing big hunks of icing into his mouth like an old pro. All I could do was sit back and wait for the tummy ache, which woke him up from his post-party nap causing big giant screams. Sigh.

But he enjoyed himself, as did all of us, so it was a success. He got some cool new toys, and some new PJ's, the really warm footie kind that he really needed. And some other clothes and a bath toy. All he wanted to do was crawl around after his brother and stare up at Cade and Macy, who he loves having at our house.

Tonight Jav and I noticed that he is getting better at punching buttons and purposefully playing with toys instead of randomly like before. He's also much more thoughtful these last few days. I'll catch him just staring into space thinking about something. But then he'll see me and flash that Joel smile and start moving his happy legs.

I have a bad cough again and couldn't sing to him tonight, so I decided to try whistling O Holy Night. It's not easy to do! But it got him really soundly to sleep.

Love him so, so much.

Old holiday memories and making new ones

2010-12-26T15:04:00.000-06:00

Gabriel has been infatuated with Christmas lights this year. He gets so excited driving through the neighborhood after dark. We've driven the neighborhood twice, and then we went with Cade and Macy to Diamond Loch. I thought Gabriel's head was going to explode he was so excited.

It made me remember sitting in the back seat when we would drive back and forth from my grandparents or wherever during the Christmas season, and my goal was to look down every street, in both directions, and make sure I saw every single house that had lights. Once we had done this a couple of times, I would rate the decorating jobs based on color choice and how neatly the job was done. My absolute favorite was all blue lights. Not the weird part-blue, part-white fluorescent looking lights they make now. But a deep blue that would make me feel peaceful and calm.

Of course, back then no one had anything inflatable in their yards. I don't like the blow-up things, but Gabriel loves them. I vowed we would never have them in our yard, but who knows how much those big brown eyes will sway me one day. I think our yard looks really pretty this year. All we added was some sparkly things and lights to our little tree. They shine in the sun during the day and look really pretty with the lights at night. One day we WILL win or place in the neighborhood decorating contest. I already have some ideas for next year.

Another tradition from the past that we are now continuing is an advent calendar. I absolutely loved my advent calendar growing up. It was made out of white felt, and the tree that you hung the ornaments on was pink felt. There were 25 little pockets with different baubles attached to straight pins (!). You pinned a new ornament to the tree every day up until the 25th. I guess they weren't as concerned about safety issues as we are today. I think my brother and I may have stuck ourselves (or each other) with those pins a couple of times, but nothing serious.

My mom bought Gabriel an advent calendar this year. It's Fisher Price, and really cute. Every day he pulls out another character for the nativity scene and velcros it wherever he wants to put it. The only one I made him put in a certain place was the baby Jesus, in the center yesterday. He's really been excited every day to move his little footstool under it and see what's in that day's pocket. I'm all for anything that reminds him that this holiday is about much more than Santa and getting stuff, stuff, and more stuff.

Next post, pictures of the stuff, stuff and more stuff.

All kinds of stuff

2010-12-17T23:35:00.009-06:00

We have a possum that's eating birdseed spillage from the feeder late nights. We've never seen another possum with his coloring before. His fur is a dark gray, but it's kind of silvery in the lights of the backyard. Jav has taken to this little guy for some reason. Any time I mentioned anything about feeding one before now he would scowl and protest. But he doesn't say a word when I say maybe I should throw a handful of trail mix out there every evening. The problem is he doesn't grace us with his presence every night. So if I throw food out there and he doesn't come, Molly gets an unintentional snack. One night he was out there grazing for quite awhile, and I needed to let Molly out for the last time before bedtime. So I went out on the porch and started making noise, and he slowly sauntered to the back corner of the yard and crawled up on top of the fence. I came in to get Jav to try to scare him on over, because Molly will charge a fence and possibly could have knocked him off of there. But even though Jav was only about 3 feet away, the possum just sat and stared at him when he tried to shoo him away. Before last night we hadn't seen him for about 5 days and were starting to think something happened to him. But I noticed Zoe with her nose pressed against the French doors and there he was. I went to tell Jav, who was about to take a shower. He came almost running out of the bathroom to get to the window so he could see for himself. He's named him Pepe, even though I told him that was silly. Everyone knows that's a skunk name.

Joel is doing so many wonderful things right now, and has started playing while on his knees, which I think is so cute. He's also sitting still much more to play with things, and he has the best posture. I guess babies haven't been beaten down by life stress yet. I used to stand pretty straight, but for the last 3-4 years my posture has really slipped. Joel is inspiring me to try and stand straighter. He's still not walking yet, but I'm in no hurry. He loves to open and close drawers and cabinets and hide toys in them. I could watch him play all day. He still has crazy happy legs when something delights him, but now he's added a fake laugh for effect. It's hilarious.

And then there's Gabriel. We have a new "Elf on the Shelf", a gift from our neighbor. It is a little elf that supposed to sit high up in different rooms to watch what's happening all day, then flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa each night. According to the book, he will land in different places around the house when he comes back, and it's supposed to be a game to try and find him. At least that's how it's supposed to work. Our son does not like Dipsy (Gabriel got to name him.) We're not sure if it's because he's not supposed to touch him (according to the book, it could take away the elf's magic), or if it's because Gabriel's planning to be bad and doesn't want anyone to report that to Santa, or if he's genuinely afraid of the little guy. Even I have to admit that he looks a tiny bit creepy, kind of like pinocchio with a red suit on. The last few days Gabriel seems to be accepting him a little more, but maybe he's just a little young for the concept.

We're watching Scrooged. I love Buster Poindexter as the ghost of Christmas past. "It's a bone!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

New traditions

2010-12-04T00:25:00.006-06:00

We have decided that if we don't go to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving (which we won't be able to afford for many years, probably), then we're going to the zoo on Thanksgiving. From now on. We have tried hitting my family one year, then Jav's the next, and we invariably end up feeling like we're hurting someone's feelings no matter what. So when I found out the zoo was open from 12 - 5 on Thanksgiving Day, this idea popped into my head. We will go to the zoo no matter what the weather. If it's nice we'll stay outside. If it's cold we'll go to the awesome new snake/fish/lizard, etc.. building (I think they call it the Living Museum or something like that). And then we'll eat a huge meal at Grandy's. No cooking or dishes. No fuss. Just fun.

We couldn't go on Thanksgiving day this year since Jav and I were under the weather, but we ended up going on Sunday once we were all feeling better. It was a beautiful day. There was a cold wind blowing walking in from the parking lot, but once we got inside zoo grounds it was nice. We didn't go until 2, which is the latest in the day I've ever been there. We had a blast! There were lots of active animals (maybe looking for their dinners?), and there were hardly any people. The highlight this trip were the cats. The white tigers actually started wrestling while we were watching. The cheetah was playful and pouncing in and out of the bushes. And the lions just seemed to be staring back at the crowd staring at them. They were so majestic and breathtaking! I think our membership purchase was one the the best buys we've ever made when I realize that it paid for itself in two trips to the zoo, and when I think about how much happiness it has given to all of us!

It never really stops

2010-11-24T12:51:00.004-06:00

I have been anticipating the first birthday of Joel with much trepidation. Thinking of this child leaving babyhood has been tough for me, for there are no more to follow now. No joy mixed with fear at the finding of a new pregnancy. No wonder over the feel of a new life growing inside of me. No excitement mixed with anxiety over labor and delivery. No marvel at a new baby's face, as they morph from resembling one side of the family to the other each morning. It literally makes me ache with sadness.

But then something happened last week that has made the coming event a little easier. I got sick. With a 24-hour bug that packed a punch. Friday afternoon I was supposed to take the boys to pick up Molly at the vet. That was all we had on our plate. By 3:30 or so I was so chilled and my energy level so low that I started to wonder if I could even get them both in the car. My temperature dropped to 96.2, and even with layers of clothes and blankets I could not get warm. Luckily I managed to get both boys asleep, which is almost impossible to do at the same time these days. I consider that happening Divine Intervention. I started trying to call Jav, but he was having serious goings-on at work and couldn't get away. I then called my Dad to see if he would pick up Molly on his way home from work. He said he could and would. One issue taken care of. After he dropped her off, the virus really kicked in and I will spare you the details.

I knew I could maybe handle taking care of Gabriel, but not Joel. It's too physical, and I had nothing. Zip. Nada. No energy to even lift my head off the pillow. Tia Sandie came to get Gabriel to go see a basketball game. I'm glad because I know he was worried when he saw my crumpled body on the couch, even though he is too much of a big boy to admit it. So what do you do when you are that sick? You call your Mama. That's what I did. She came, gatorade and Sprite bottles in hand, and took over Joel for me. By then my fever had risen to 102.5. I don't really remember the two hours she was here, other than hearing Joel laugh, and her face in my bedroom doorway to ask a question now and then. She was here until Jav finally made it home sometime around 8 pm.

It made me think of almost a year ago, when my father not only drove me to the hospital the night before I was induced to have Joel, but then stayed with me when Jav couldn't get away from work that night either. I was having strong contractions, timed far enough apart that I didn't think anything would happen. But my dear Dad insisted on staying with me just in case. He seemed nervous while we waited, though, and I now realize it was because he is old school. I think the thought of being present when I had the baby really terrified him! Or maybe it was more about having to see me be in that much pain and be helpless to really do anything. But the thing is, just by being there, even in the same hospital, he was helping.

When you decide to become a parent, at least a GOOD parent, you do so for life. No matter if your child is 3 months, 3 years, 23 years, or 43 years. If they need you, you respond in the same way. You get there. It made me realize that my job truly is just beginning. I will hopefully have many more years of being there for them when they need me. The only difference is that there will be periods where they don't appreciate it as much as Joel does now. Gabriel has entered one of those periods, unless he needs me in the middle of the night. But Joel seems so thankful all day long just because I'm here. Just as I was thankful to have my Mom Friday night. And just as my parents have passed on their parenting skills and dedication to me, I will try to pass on that thankfulness to my boys.

Ah-tya

2010-11-17T22:15:00.000-06:00

...which is Joel's favorite "word" right now. We're not sure what it means, but he says it while crawling and playing, mostly when he's busy. Gabriel claims he's trying to say "hat". He also loves to squeal really high and end up lower. He'll do it back to me if I start it. We have entire conversations making this noise. Other than those two noises, he says "mama, mama, mama," and "dada, dada, dada" pretty evenly now. He's speed crawling now, and crawling over things that aren't really meant to be crawled over. He loves to crawl on top of our footstools and get his belly over them, hang his head off one side and let his feet dangle off the floor on the other. I am sure he will end up falling on his head when he does this, but the one time he let that big 'ole head hang too far he got his arms out lightning fast to catch himself. He chases Zoe, which has made her even more nervous if one of the kids starts petting her. She gave Gabriel a mean scratch just under his eye the other day to prove her point.

Joel has the funniest habit of taking different things, like blocks or little pieces of food, and holding them way up in the air, then slowly moving them down across his hair and then face. All the while he stares at you as if he is just daring you to make him stop, or maybe he's just very proud of whatever it is he's showcasing. This gets really funny when it's food, because it invariably ends up stuck to his hair and face.

He's such a big boy, but not chubby like Gabriel. He has some mean thighs, but he's just solid up and down. He's VERY strong too, and likes to pound Mommy while I'm holding him with one fist in the chest and one fist on the back when he gets excited about something. He's always shown his excitement in those legs, though, and now wiggles them like crazy while in a sitting position when he's happy. It cracks me up.

He is the absolute best hugger in the entire world. He puts his whole body into hugs. He loves to fake laugh just to get me to laugh. I finally have succeeded in getting him on somewhat of a schedule, and he will take a long nap in the morning and a short one in the afternoon. My neighbor, Helen, kept him last week while I went to the dentist and she got him take a nap without being fed first. She is SO wonderful and Joel loves her.

I'm trying to get him interested in books. He has a tendency to get impatient halfway through even the shortest ones and knock them aside. The other day I was reading a book to him about colors, and I could swear that he was saying the words for some of the colors. He made an "re" noise for red, a "bu" noise for blue, and "pu-pu" for purple. I kept thinking to myself at the time that it must just be a weird coincidence, but my gut is telling me that he is already starting to talk. I dried him off after bath time with a shark towel, and showed him what he looked like in the mirror while singing the Jaws music. He started making the same noise and would laugh when I lunged towards the mirror. I'm beginning to think that he is scary smart like his brother. I'm not sure if we can handle two of them in the house, trying to confound and confuse us 24/7. At our age we're pretty easily confused.

He's just at that age where it seems like he's constantly doing something cute or amazing, or both.

Only a boy would think this way

2010-11-15T23:31:00.004-06:00

I took both boys to the doctor yesterday with horrible hacking coughs. Their pediatrician always says that he's going to check their ears for bunny rabbits, which Gabriel loves. Yesterday the doctor said, "You know what we should look for instead of bunny rabbits this time of year, Gabriel? Turkeys. They are hiding from us because you know what happens to turkeys on Thanksgiving? We eat them!"

Gabriel kind of giggled, but then looked really thoughtful and I thought, "Oh boy. Now I'm going to have to explain to him about eating animals. What am I going to say?"

But it didn't come up all the way home.

Later, after I got Joel down for a nap, I was trying to figure out what to make for lunch since Gabriel has had little or no appetite lately. He had already turned down several suggestions, then asked if he could watch the rest of "Finding Nemo", a movie I've still not seen from start to finish, until it was time for lunch. I sat down with him to watch the last 45 minutes or so, and teared up a little at the end when Nemo swims back from school to hug his Dad.

At that moment, my son said to me, "Mommy, I want to eat that for lunch" while pointing at the television. I wrinkled my brow and said, "What?" He said, while still pointing, "That". I said, a little kiddingly, "You want to eat Nemo for lunch?" And he unflinchingly said, "Yes, but without the eyes and fins and tail."

So, instead of trying to explain where our food comes from and why we eat animals, I found myself (in a slightly horrified voice) telling him that I couldn't believe he would want to eat such a cute little guy as Nemo, and told him we were out of fish in the house at the moment, thank God.

Love, love, love this.

2010-11-10T23:22:00.001-06:00

Not just that he memorized a pretty long poem, but that he seems to "get" it. I've loved Billy Collins for a while now, and his words give me goose bumps. The good kind.

Halloween!

2010-11-02T23:49:00.004-05:00

On one of our many trips to the scary guy store during October.

BOO!

The very scary and laughing big bat and the pudgy cute little bat.

First trick or treat stop: Uncle Dave's.

And then off to Mamaw and Poppy's.

And finally to Tita and Tito's

Next we ate dinner and then headed out to the neighbors'. Then Jav took Gabriel to the neighborhood haunted house. Which last year paid attention to whether or not the kid walking through was smallish. But not this year. Jav said it was loud and screamy and not just scary but a little violent. Not good. We will not be taking him back there next year.

Eating

2010-10-30T21:41:00.000-05:00

Since I've been nursing Joel for the last year, I have never eaten so healthy. Originally it was just to make sure he wasn't getting junk food from me, and was getting all the nutrients I could eat. I've been eating more fruits and veggies than ever before. I have not been eating too many sweets, especially chocolate. If I wanted to eat something that wasn't too healthy, I made sure to only eat a little of it (like the Rotel we always consume tons of on our Girls' Weekends!) But Joel ended up being very sensitive to everything I eat, so a big list started growing of things I flat out have to stay away from as long as I am nursing. I'm not sure how much longer we will go. I'm hoping for at least six more months, but he is really slowing down now.

Whenever the day comes that he is completely weaned. I have compiled a list of foods that I have denied myself all this time. This doesn't include things that I couldn't eat because of possible food dangers, like goat cheese or sushi, even though I will enjoy those as well. These are things that I really wanted to eat, but couldn't because I would have been up all night with Joel. I will start tackling my list, and probably only get to one every two months or so since every thing on the list except one is NOT very good for you. And I will savor every single bite. Then I need to get back to trying to eat healthy. And start trying to consume much less than I have been for the last five years. Yikes, that's a long time to develop some bad habits!!

10. My homemade cole slaw, the only healthy thing you will find on this list.

9. Movie popcorn, slathered in butter

8. Pepperoni pizza

7. Jason's Deli muffaletta sandwich

6. Chopped BBQ sandwich, piled high with tons of pickles

5. Mexican Inn chips and salsa

4. Sonic coney and tots

3. Chicken fried steak

2. Fried catfish and hush puppies

And the number one thing?

Kincaid's onion rings. The biggest size they come in, with a Shiner Boch on the side.

Oh God how my mouth is watering right now.

Finishing up September

2010-10-30T10:45:00.001-05:00

Every year we try to visit Haydee, an old friend of Jav's family and godmother of Jav's sister. She has been a cloistered nun for 25 years now, and her "nun" name is Sister Maria Rosario. She is Cuban and quite a character. Her home for the past five years or so is the Monastery of the Infant Jesus in Lufkin, Texas. Even though she is Tia Sandie's godmother, she is a little closer to Jav. She was thrilled when she found out we were going to be parents and made us promise to raise them right and be sure and visit her often. This trip is old hat now to Gabriel, who was a bit freaked out by the nuns the first couple of times we visited. I was concerned about how Joel would react, but in typical laid-back Joel style, he just accepted everyone with a big toothless grin. We complain about the trip every year, because it takes all day to go there an back, sometimes into evening, and it's just tough to do car trips with little ones. But we invariably end up having a really nice time. The drive there is very pretty, and the convent itself is absolutely beautiful, surrounded by huge East Texas pine trees. It's so quiet all you hear is birds singing. And the nuns are ever so sweet. They love it when kids visit and several always drop by to say hello. Most of them have great senses of humor, which for some reason surprised me at first. They have to stay behind the railing seen above, but can hug over it. They also let the kids be behind it some too. I still need to find out exactly what "cloistered" means one day.

Here is the third walking stick we saw this year. I think they are so cool.

Joel talking to me from inside. Notice Zoe looking at me too.

Really pretty almost full harvest moon. It was supposed to be one of the brightest moons we've had in a long time, and it was beautiful. My picture doesn't do it justice.

My sweeties having a blast in the backyard. Our grass always gets really thick and pretty this time of year, but this year it's even better. It's like walking on a really cushy wall-to-wall carpet. In a vibrant shade of green!

Gabriel in his Beatles cartoon tee he got for his birthday, which has caught the attention of lots of people every time he wears it!

The almost-perfect (Joel looks sad, but he's just not liking the bright sun in his face) end of summer picture, with my lantana in full bloom. We had tons of butterflies, bees, and even hummingbirds eating and pollinating it all summer.