The tipping point - hopefully, finally...

The needed change is overdue.  Racism did not go away in this country simply because the Constitution was amended to treat African Americans equally under the law.  It's always been here, but seemed to be more latent than blatant in folks.  Now that we have a President who refuses to upset his base by condemning it, people have been more emboldened in showing their true colors - or disdain for anyone that isn't white.

The systemic racism that exists in our criminal justice system has been proven to exist again and again as innocent African Amerians lose their lives at the hand of those sworn to protect and serve.  The list of names is familiar and long.  Some of us have been numbed by the sheer numbers.  We see another face on the news and fleetingly think "oh how awful, something really must be done" but then we go about our lives and forget about it.  If you are a black mom, though, raising young men...the fear never goes away.  These moms teach sons to always be on alert, keep your head down and your mouth shut, make sure you don't run out of gas and that your tires are in good shape, don't be caught walking anywhere after dark, and if God forbid you have an encounter with law enforcement, keep your hoodie down and hands showing at all times.  Speak in respectful tones.  Do not appear agitated or nervous, even though you are frightened to death down to your very core.

Five or six years ago, after the Trayvon Martin shooting, I was shocked to know that moms have to raise their boys this way.  But even knowing this did not cause me to want to act against the atrocities of one violent arrest-gone-wrong after another.  The tipping point for me happened over Memorial Day weekend, when all of us (and there are many like me) finally had our ultimate wake-up call to action.  A video began to circulate on social media of a Minnesota police officer kneeling on top of George Floyd, strangling and suffocating him, while three others looked on.  Even after Floyd begged him to stop, saying "I Can't Breathe!", the abuse continued.  Even after other people watching this horror unfold begged the man to stop, knowing at this point he was killing Mr. Floyd, the policeman did not stop.  The EMTs took Floyd's limp body away and he was pronounced dead at the hospital.  What was he being punished for?  Writing a bad check at a convenience store.

The outrage over this video has grown, and now protests against Police Departments' systemic racist treatment of people of color are happening daily, nightly, in every major city in America.  Sometimes those protests have turned violent, because there are always people out there bad enough to take advantage of crowds and loot, steal and plunder.  Curfews were set in some of the bigger cities.  Of course, those who are uncomfortable with the thought that racism exists everywhere and has for a long time focus on this violence instead of the true problem at hand.  They are looking for a distraction and are willing to blame others so quickly to avoid looking inward at themselves and putting in the work to change.

Unfortunately there are many who also follow Trump's lead in blaming far left-wing movements for supposedly organizing and paying more people to protest.  This tactic of the right sickens me.  In order to keep things the way they have been and ensure whites remain in power they actually blame the "other side" of faking support.  HOW can you possibly call yourselves Christian and fall for this? HOW do you look the other way and forget about the real issue that needs to be changed - there is a long-standing problem of systemic racism in our police departments and many, many innocent people have been killed.  If you are more angry about violent protests than an innocent man being killed by police you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Our job became clear - talk to the kids about this.  How horrible we think it is.  How we would be out there protesting if it wasn't for the continued threat of the virus.  We needed to show them what happens over and over again when a policeman pulls over an African American male, and tell them the stories of all the deaths that have occurred at the hands of police.  Also, tell them about the gap in wages between whites and blacks, and how hard it is to get out of poverty when a society does not view you as a person of value - just because of the color of your skin.

And something else I have vowed to do to not just be talking the talk:  educate myself on racism in America by reading books and articles.  And something that is much more hard:  Speak up when I hear folks disagree about how bad it is, or that the media is overblowing it, or say that phrase that now makes my blood boil, "all lives matter".  White privilege is rampantly showing itself these days.  But I have more hope than ever that more white people are getting behind the Black Lives Matter movement - marching shoulder to shoulder (please socially distance while you protest, people!), raising voices together to drown out the status quo.  George Floyd's death has brought the possibility of true, long-term change.  We must never forget him or the many who have been lost before him.  THE TIME TO CHANGE IS NOW.

Big Bend 2018 Trip - day of arrival

Updated May 2020.  I never published these posts - I downloaded the pics but never wrote the text.  So please pardon the jumping back and forth from past to present tense, because I'm sure I'll do it.

December 27th, 2018

I had wanted to go down to Big Bend for years.  My grandparents used to take my mom and uncle, along with their best friends and neighbors with their kids, once a year.  They slept in cots under the stars, didn't even use tents!  We have always had people tell us how amazing it is there.  And then there's the movies that show the scenery - breathtaking!  And because we have become addicted to hiking, it seemed like the next great frontier we should take on. But I must admit that one of the main reasons we decided to go was because of the Trump "We're Gonna Build a Wall" campaign promise.  I cannot fathom how awful it would be if a giant wall was ruining the view.  So although we continue to hope and pray it never happens, at the time we started planning we wanted to see the untouched and untarnished beauty of the place, just in case.

We decided to try and stay in the Chisos Mountain Lodge.  We called in early summer 2017 to try to go around Thanksgiving that year.  Sorry, booked.  After Christmas?  No vacancies.  How about Spring Break 2018?  Nope.  Thanksgiving 2018?  Zilch.  AFTER CHRISTMAS 2018?  Yes we have a few rooms.  WE'LL TAKE ONE!

It seemed like forever and a day passed before the holidays were happening and our trip was finally going to happen.  But as luck would have it, just before we left there was a giant government shut down over budget disputes.  The national parks did not completely close, but they had limited staff.  We held our breath and called to find out whether our reservation would or would not be honored.  It would - because the Chisos Mountain Lodge is run not by the National Park staff but by a private company.  Whew.

Next thing to plan for was that big, long seemingly never-ending drive.  But we discovered that not only were the boys older and more patient, but because they've been going on long road trips since they were born it isn't a big deal to them.  In fact, they look forward to the drive.  They've come to expect certain road trip  traditions - breakfast at Denny's, license plate bingo, at least one spelling bee each way, and history trivia.  Then once complete boredom has set in, they can whip out the mini DVD player to watch movies.

But I'm jumping ahead of myself.  The first pic I ever downloaded for these posts made me cry.  Here is Marlin, God rest his sweet soul 😢, wanting to come with us and not get dumped at the vet.

We all miss this guy more than we can say.  

The road goes on forever...

Captain Javi, where he was meant to be.

GREAT book I read all the way down.

Our plan was to leave at 3 am, or at least MY plan was.  I think we ended up leaving at 5, which was still a small miracle for us.  It was such a smart thing to do because it was dark for two hours and the time just flew by.  I love that our boys love road trips.  Texas is a big place and to get from one part to the other takes a loooong time sometimes.  They've learned to go with the flow and appreciate the beauty we see out of the window.  We'll go through a little town with something different  - a sign or a restaurant that catches our attention, and we'll read up on the history.  We spent a good part of our last Port Aransas drive learning about Gonzales with their "Come and Take It" signs, and the entire Texas fight for independence from Mexico.  It ended up being a great way to prepare them for 4th and 7th grade social studies - these boys were way ahead!

These boys look tiny compared to now.  

Mountain or hill?  I'd say foothill.  

Travel Jojo cracks me up.

Looks like someone plugged me in - my hair!!!  How did everyone else have room in the car?

But I digress.  Back to this trip!  The thing that people can't explain to you is not only how big the mountains are (these are Colorado-sized mountains and we were in Texas!)  But how spread out everything is.  It took two hours to get from Marathon just to the edge of the National Park.  Then another hour to get to where we were staying.  An hour of driving in the same National Park!  And I believe it takes between two to three hours to drive around the entire park.  And we didn't pass very many cars.  The isolation was not like anything we've ever experienced before.  Couple that with that fact that things were shut down - no visitors' centers open, no park rangers, restrooms locked etc... and I was starting to wonder if it was all a good idea.  We went through the border patrol checkpoint my mom brain was starting to venture close to thoughts like, "what if one of us has an  accident?" and  "What if one of us gets attacked by a mountain lion?" And my favorite, "What if we find a Mexican drug lord hiding in our room?"  I can be quite dramatic when my worry machine starts churning.

My phone was not taking very good pics on this day.
Everything is hazy with no definition.

But I was so ecstatic that we arrived at the lodge before three that I soon forgot all my worries.  And I was distracted because the scenery takes your breath away.  The charm of the place gets into your head really quickly.  Within 10 minutes of checking in we met two different families who make it a tradition to come every holiday season - and have been for generations!  And now I was continuing my grandparents' adventures with my kids.  It made me feel like we had made such a good decision to take the trip.

We settled into our very small room at the lodge and set out to explore.  We found several trailheads that set out from the lodge, and decided to hike one short loop that gave us an amazing view of the famous "window".  There was one restaurant on the property for all three meals, plus a small store that sold typical convenience store snacks and drinks, but also hiking and camping supplies.  We ate our first meal, dinner, at the packed restaurant.  It was really good food and they had an eclectic menu that I figured would keep us happy for the duration of our trip.

When we finally finished dinner it was dark, and getting colder quickly.  I think we were shocked from the get-go that these are true mountains and the weather changes just as quickly there as it does in the Rocky Mountain National Park.  But luckily for our first dark sky it was clear as a bell, and we were astounded when we looked up at the stars.  We could see the Milky Way!!!  In hindsight I wish we would have stayed outside looking up for much longer that first night - but we had no idea what was to come.  (How's that for a suspenseful segue?)

We finished unpacking and settled in to our cozy, TV-less, partial wi-fi-recepting room and slept.

Pandemic sheltering - Yo Adriene and other coping methods

There have been three constants that provide me with stress release and relief throughout the last 2 months:

1)  exercise of all kinds, but especially yoga
2)  gardening
3)  sitting in the sun - or what I like to call Vitamin D explosion

As a family, we have never been as consistent with exercising as we have been since this thing started.  Because we are usually too busy to do it.  The boys were expected to get at least 45 minutes a day of some type of exercise to log for their PE grade, which I think is wonderful.  It's so easy to be distracted with all the other stress that we don't notice how much time they spend playing video games and/or being lumps on the couch watching one horrible Netflix movie after another.  (alright, sometimes they are good).

We've been walking the dogs while G rides his bike and J his scooter just about every night.  Sometime these walks are pretty long.  We were worried that Tucker's arthritis might be a factor in going longer distances, but the vet tuned us in to what to watch for if he is struggling (sitting down during a walk, having to pull him to get him to keep going),  and he has not shown ANY of those signs.  That made us very happy.  Blitzen was very overweight when we adopted her, and I would venture a guess that she has lost over 20 pounds since January.  They are both in such good shape it's ridiculous!

We humans also try to supplement with strength building circuit training 3x a week.  When I discovered how inflexible the boys are, and how weak Joel's core seems to be I started working with them on all I've learned in yoga to strengthen core, and increase balance and flexibility.  Jav wanted in on this because his back has been stiffening up on him lately.  Everyone likes it, which totally blows me away.  Although Joel always ends up yelling - "Is it time for rest (corpse) pose now?"

All of this has definitely toned me up, although I can't say that I've lost much weight because we are eating like we never have before - baked quick breads for breakfast, mini ice creams every night for dessert, garlic bread with pasta and on and on.  So many habits I had stopped have now crept back into my regular eating.

But one great habit that I started was my sister-in-law's recommendation to try Yoga with Adriene.  She lives in Austin and has become a Youtube phenom in the yoga world.  Millions of followers all over the world.  I gave her a try and I can see why.  I've been doing yoga on my own at home for almost 25 years.  It took me a good 10 years to realize it's not really about the physical benefits, but about improving your overall fitness, strength, flexibility and maintaining balance as you get older (which is a big deal to me now). It took me another 5-10 years to try to realize it's also about peace of mind, learning mindfulness and to get the breathing right, but no one has ever explained it to me as simply as Adriene.  I decided to try her challenge of 30 days of yoga, and although I've had some days where I skipped I have kept at it better than ever before and the results have helped me stay somewhat sane on these crazy days.  She has such a calming manner.  Slow and steady, but very challenging some days - I've been trying poses I have never had the nerve to try before.  I look forward to my half hour a day with her like nothing else right now.

I'll skip the gardening bit for now because I want to post some pics of what my de-stressing has produced.

Joel and I enjoying the vitamin D explosion.

The last coping method came about merely because I needed a little space/quiet/outside time with the birds and dogs to get away from the stress in the house.  I used to walk the dog for my quiet, away time.  But with Blitzen added I cannot hold both dogs by myself right now, and we are all trying to go together every night.  So every afternoon between 2 and 3 or so I would find myself outside, sitting in a lawn chair in the sun.  I also had a severely stopped up ear that I couldn't hear out of and my mom suggested this method to help clear it out.  I guess vitamin D really is like a miracle to we humans, because it worked.  And there is something about having the warm sun move over you and slowly warm you from the outside in that is SO anciently human and comforting, but I've never enjoyed it like now with the exception of vacations at the beach when the water was chilly.  Of course, now that the weather is getting much more hot and humid I will have to go out early to get the comfort, which means weekends only since I'll be at work.

My view of the back porch during vitamin D sessions.

All in all my mental state has not been very steady, but when it has run well it was due to these three activities.  I have definitely noticed a mental difference on days when I don't make time for at least one of these things.  So these are things I need to keep up for myself even after things go back to normal (even though I don't think that will happen for some time).

Pandemic sheltering - random thoughts

There are so many ups and downs during this thing.  It's hard to track your emotions they change so much from minute to minute.

We survived our fridge slowly dying and are enjoying our new one.  Very impressed with Lowes' customer service for hearing our sob story and delivering the fridge within 3 days of ordering, 13 days sooner than the original delivery date.  It's not like we can run over to the neighbor and stock our groceries in their fridge right about now.

We are all sad that Jav has to go back to SMU Monday.  Especially Jav.  He has enjoyed this extra time with the boys more than he can say.  But we're thankful for his job and that for now it seems safe.  My job and how things are going are worth an entire other post.

Gabriel has had his Reading and Writing finals this week.  He has math Monday, a religion assignment due Tuesday, then his Ted Talk presentation for writing Wednesday and that's it.  Official last day of school is a week from today.  Joel doesn't have finals yet and I know he's hoping next week will just be a fun, NO-WORK week.  It's so surreal to think that we haven't walked into the building since March 6th.  Unlike most public schools, our kids are not getting Pass/Fail grades but regular old numbers that correspond to a letter grade.

Today was a hard, hard day.  It should have been the Candle Mass, where the 8th graders hand their candles over to the 7th graders for next year.  It would have been the first Candle Mass I've ever been to, with Gabriel receiving his candle.  I am very sad it didn't happen.  We'll never get that back.  I understand a little more about high school seniors and the things they will NEVER get to experience. And of course, there is still so much unknown about how things are going to proceed next year.

The grocery orders are still coming, and I've backed off the disinfecting of everything.  Still no bags in the house, setting non perishables aside in the laundry room for three days, and either emptying perishables into our own baggies or washing off the sturdier items with soap and water.  It's pretty exhausting but not as hard as it was at first.  If I hear someone say "Welcome to the new normal" one more time I'm gonna sock them.

We had a great Mother's Day weekend - pics to come.

We are still enjoying mostly nightly walks with the dogs and the boys.  It is truly amazing how many people are outside getting exercise and working in their yards.  Kind of ironic that we are all keeping up with each other and saying hello more than ever but we can't have any close contact with any to our neighbors.  We are supplementing these walks with short exercise sessions-either flexibility/core work or circuit training.  I started teaching the boys some kickboxing moves.  We only worked on punches for about 20-25 minutes.  Gabriel is fine, because he learned to use his core for things like this from Running Club last year.  Joel doesn't know how to use his core so was throwing the punches using only his shoulder.  He is so sore he can barely move his arms today.  😢Bad mama.

I heard yesterday that the FW Symphony Orchestra is canceling the entire Concerts in the Garden season.  We have been two years in a row now (Led Zeppelin and Queen) and it's become a summer tradition.  But I respect and agree with their decision.  People are packed in that space like sardines.

Then today we got the email from the Boy Scouts that all resident camps are canceled this summer, which we expected.  But it's still all so sad.  Gabriel had already decided he did not want to go this year.  He didn't enjoy his first week long campout at Worth Ranch and they were to return there.

I'm typing this as a thunderstorm moves through at midnight.  It's kind of comforting and we needed some rain.

I have been planting the new plants I got for mother's day and still had a few things to get in the ground that I had bought the week before.  I hit a wall yesterday and I'm not sure I'm going to get a few things done.  Normally I am stubborn and bullheaded about giving up, and won't throw any plants away.  But I wouldn't be opposed to giving up this year.  I literally COULD NOT make myself go outside and do anything.  Very unlike me and I would imagine these bad days qualify as depression.

We haven't been able to figure out why the majority of folks in FW refuse to wear protective masks.  It is SHOCKING how many people are gathering places with no distancing or mask-wearing.  That's just good ole independent-thinking, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, no one's-gonna-tell-me-what-to-do kind of Texas mentality we deal with here.  Sigh.

TV Watching Update:

Jav and finished all 4 gloriously fun and sexy seasons of Mozart in the Jungle last weekend.  We have SO enjoyed that show - the music, the whimsy, the writing.  We're not sure what to watch next.

Wednesday nights we watch the Masked Singer.  We all LOVE it and look forward to each new episode with glee, even though about half the time we have no idea who the person is ever after they take the mask off.  #weareold

Friday nights we've been all watching Stranger Things.  Jav and Gabriel had already watched all three seasons.  I only watched 2 episodes in for season 2 and quit just because I was too busy.  We told Joel he could start watching when he turned 10, so I started over in December so I could watch with him.  Then Jav and G decided during this crazy We Are Stuck Together time to join us to rewatch from midway though season 2 and all of season 3.  I think the 3rd season is a little clunky and unrealistic (even for this show), but I gotta tell you there are very few TV shows out there that can compete in suspense and intensity with those first two seasons.  Plus it is a microcosm of our high school years.

I am loving watching Top Chef for the first time in years.  The bloodthirsty competition where everyone turns cutthroat really turned me off and I had no desire to watch.  But that tone seems to be gone, and they are back to just creating amazing food.  Plus Last Chance Kitchen adds that backstory to the main one.

You would think I have had more time and have been enjoying some reading and good books.  Nope. Too tired when I get to bed.  So I'm now addicted to the NY Times Crossword Puzzles.  I do the Mini every night, then attempt archives of Monday or Tuesday puzzles, which are the easiest.  The Saturday puzzle is the most challenging.  Trying to work up to that.  (Goals are good to have.)  Time to start another puzzle to help me drift off to dreamland.  I've been having lots of trouble sleeping lately (chalk it up to hormones and maybe worrying about, well, EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE).

Pandemic sheltering - the stress of food

Let me preface this post by saying how grateful we are that we still have income coming in and can afford to buy pretty much the same grocery items we have always purchased.  I know so many have been laid off or furloughed and are having to rely on food banks to feed their families.  I don't mean for this to be complaining, but a good representation of what meal planning, prep and maintenance was like during the pandemic.  OK, maybe it is complaining a little.  But know I am complaining with gratitude for food on our table.

I think the most time-consuming thing for me to this point has been dealing with our food.  What we need to order, when it can be delivered, which things are out of stock when it ships, adding those things to a new order, and planning ahead because the order can't be delivered for 3-4 days.

Then you have the issue of quarantining non-perishables (first in the garage, now in pockets of the kitchen because the weather has turned warmer).  Keeping track of what we have on order but isn't delivered yet, what has arrived but is in food quarantine, and which pile came in what day takes up a lot of time during the day.

And...until this week I've been doing some serious washing and disinfecting of perishables with sturdy enough packaging, or emptying others like meat and produce into their own storage baggie and throwing away the store's, etc...  This takes me a long time.  I think I've seen enough on reputable sites now, though, that I can safely bring most groceries out of the grocery store bags and put them right in the fridge/freezer without all the disinfecting because the chances of getting the virus this way is very low.

Now that we have dealt with bringing the food inside, next there is meal planning.  It takes me a good 2 hours on the weekend to inventory what we have to use up for the week, proteins, fruits and veggies, breads and grains, dairy, and jot down anything else I want to make sure to use up and not throw away.  Then I come up with dinners and some lunches to make the most of our grocery dollar and not waste anything.  In all honesty this is something I did weekly before all of this started, but I'm even more determined about it now.  I also am trying to lower our weekly grocery bill by not stocking pantry items ahead of time, and only buying one type of chip or bread or whatever, not multiple because of people having their favorites.

 On one hand it's been really nice to have time to cook so much for my family.  I've been able to try some new recipes, and we've been baking something once a week to have for breakfast.  Yummmmm.  But when it gets to be all three meals, every day for now 6 weeks, it becomes more of a burden.  I'm going to have the boys help me more.  I've been inspired seeing parents having their kids learn all types of life skills during this thing and it's time for mine to join in. Laundry, more house cleaning, even spring cleaning cleaning, and cooking.  It's only fair that since they eat the most in this house that they chip in more.

Do we out at all, you may be asking.  We eat out once a week on Saturdays.  So far it's always been dinner but I may crack and have to have a La Rueda breakfast soon.  We've been good about only going to small, family-owned and local restaurants:  Italy Pasta and Pizza, La Rueda, Catfish Sam's, Braums (a chain, but only in the South), Burger Box.  We wanted to add Dixie House to this list but they apparently had to close which makes me sad for the employees.  We also had our favorite place to get coffee, CoffeeFolk (food trailer) reopen on Thurs - Sun and we've been getting coffees on Fridays and Sundays.  They didn't come out and require everyone to wear masks and socially distance, maybe because everyone is outdoors.  But I'm sure they just hoped people would fall in line and do the right thing on their own.  But sadly, last Friday I drove up and saw a big crowd of college-age guys (7 or 8?) gathered right at the entrance where I would have to walk by to order.  None of them wearing masks.  Seriously?  So I turned around and went home.  Their loss.  And ours, we LOVE their coffee so much we very rarely went to Starbucks before the pandemic and haven't been once since it started.

When we bring food home we take containers out of the bag in the garage, then I empty the container onto a plate.  We heat it up in the microwave for a minute or so.  And be sure to immediately throw away all the containers.  AND that food always tastes so darn good!  I'm a pretty good cook but we can all appreciate restaurant food a little more now.

Pandemic sheltering - random thoughts, week ?, I've lost track

The last time we all walked into a restaurant to eat was March 12th, during Spring break week.  We went to try out Game Theory, this very cool restaurant that also has every board game you could ever think of and then some to pick out and play before, during and after eating great food and sipping craft beers.  We were in the very early stages of this thing and wondered if we should even be going.  But we had a great time and now it seems like a dream.  So many things have changed.  So many horrible stories have been heard and so many people have died.

The hardest thing about this is the unknown factor.  Will it come back if things open up too soon?  Will we all have to shelter in place again if the curve starts going up and up?  Will summer be like this has been, with very little interaction with anyone in person, everyone online, and we have to hope like crazy we don't get tired of our little circle of loved ones we are stuck in this house and yard with.  Will we be able to hug our parents at some point before a vaccine is developed and administered?  This one really stings.  My mom said to me yesterday that it really isn't fair that she is having to spend any part of her twilight years like this.  I told Jav that if we both have to go back to work full time at some point what are we going to do with the boys?  They aren't ready to stay by themselves all day and they can't be around Jav's mom.  He said that Tita has to make that decision and that she may not care about the consequences so much as she cares about being close to and hugging the boys.  It's just an awful, hard, stressful situation with so many huge important decisions we are going to have to make.

The boys are in desperate need of a haircut.  DESPERATE.  And I am in desperate need of hair color.  D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E.

I'm going to do a post to catalog a typical day for me in this thing.

I have three things keeping me sane right now:
1)  the dogs
2)  Yoga with Adriene (with the dogs surrounding me) every day around 3 (she also deserves her own separate post soon).
3)  Soaking up my vitamin D every day around 2 (and yeah you guessed it - the dogs come out with me).  I sit in the sun in the backyard and let it wash over me like a summer wave.  I have never done this before and something about it is so comforting and healing I can't even explain it.  But the last few days I have become way overheated before I'm ready to come in.  I'll have to go out in the mornings I guess if it's gonna start getting hot.  And then I hear today that studies are being conducted regarding ultraviolet light and how it could fight off the virus.  Who knew I had preemptive health and healing superpowers?

There are so many new people we are seeing every night when we venture out for our dog walks (Gabriel rides his bike and Joel his scooter because he had outgrown his bike).  People with kids and dogs are literally filling the streets in some places and it's hard to stay six feet apart.  A few people have been a little rude about it.  But for the most part everyone is very friendly.  It's one of the things I hope won't go away even when the threat of the virus does.

Keeping up with food is almost a full time job by itself.  The next post I do will be about this.

We finally got to see my parents for a visit in our backyard today and it made me very happy.

I read an article written by a professor arguing for graduating high school seniors to plan to NOT attend whatever college or university they'd been accepted to.  Because of how expensive it is - do you really want to set up in a dorm and then have to go back home when this thing riles its ugly head again?  Do you really want to take crappy online classes instead of being in a classroom with great banter and conversation?  None of this bodes well for Jav's job and that makes me dizzy with anxiety.

The boys and I set up a croquet course yesterday.  We've played two games but our grass is too long to have a fair, good match.  Playing croquet always reminds me of playing in my grandparents' backyard in the summertime with my brother.  I think we will try beanbag toss tomorrow, or Cornhole as it's affectionately called these days.

I am facing the seemingly impossible task of downloading tons of CD music to a portable hard drive to clear up space in both this laptop storage and to get rid of all of our bulky CD's.  Impossible to fathom.  I bet we have at least 500 CD's.  Ugh.

Pandemic sheltering - school life

So we found out yesterday that students will not go back to their physical schools for the rest of the year.  Gabriel's teachers have really not lost a beat.  They are all on Google Classroom and every day a different teacher has a Zoom meeting from 3-4.  His PE teacher and running club sponsor have both sent multiple workouts that we have ALL been doing.  He has email, is supposed to be keeping up with all assignments and when they're due, when his conferences are, when projects are due and emailing teachers if he has problems.  This all sounds great except for the fact that Gabriel has turned into full teenage boy within the last 5-6 months.  He can't seem to focus on anything.  He can't seem to remember anything.  He listens to our lectures about giving it his all even though he's not at school and gives us lip service to get us to stop.  BUT in his defense it is much harder for them to focus just because they are at home and not at school.

Joel's class hasn't fared as well.  His teacher is very experienced but old school and not very computer savvy.  In the beginning there was a lot of Youtube watching and reporting on what he watched.  Not ideal.  That first crazy post-spring break week I stepped in as a good substitute teacher to keep him going at a high level and fill in where I thought there were gaps.  But she has assigned a little more each week, so much so that this last week was too much work.   Joel also wants more than anything to have a Zoom meeting to see his classmates and teacher.  She said she was working on it, but so far nothing.  I find this upsetting, especially when I see the PRESCHOOLERS having Zoom meetings.  I'm going to really push for the 4th graders to have a meeting if she doesn't make that happen.

It is REALLY hard for me to keep on top of their schoolwork with the stress of work, grocery shopping, grocery ordering, meal planning and meal prep day after day, hour after hour.  But Joel does not have email, cannot pick up the phone and call his (rather inaccessible) teacher to ask questions if he doesn't understand something.  He HAS to come to me.  (Jav is on a ton of calls right now and just doesn't have time to help them).   And it feels like he comes to me literally every 10 minutes.  Things went a little smoother this week, except for the times that I totally lost it and screamed at them like the scariest banshee in all of Great Britain.  Like when Gabriel missed his Zoom meeting with his toughest teacher, even though they are at the same time EVERY DAY.

I have to say, though, that I am heartbroken for the teachers.  They love their students and teaching remotely is nothing like being there all day every day.  Gabriel will still see his three teachers he has now next year, so that is a little less depressing.  But poor Joel will move onto someone else next year, and no more Mrs. San Miguel.  She absolutely LOVES this class so I know she is hurting.  It's all so very sad.

And I haven't even touched on the kids who had/have problems at home, so school was their safe place to be.  Kids who don't have yards and don't have parents at home, or have parents that might be abusive, or don't have enough to eat, and on and on and on.  At least they are continuing the school breakfast and lunch programs through this ordeal, but how awful that now many more people have joined that line now that they've been laid off.

If you think about it too much you can get really upset and depressed, as I have many times since this all started.  We just keep praying and hoping that things get better quickly.

Pandemic sheltering - jobs, or lack thereof?

Since Jav offices on the SMU campus and his work is directly tied to the decisions made there, his transition to working from home has been clear and somewhat organized.  He's worked from home before so already has tools in place.  They have had to lay off many hourly employees that work in the campus restaurants.  But his job hopefully will be ok throughout this crisis, provided students will be coming back to some type of normal university life next August.

My job, however, has been a roller coaster of a stressful ride.  When the schools closed for extra weeks, there were meetings about what we would do if someone were to get sick or if the county/state/fed government closed our office as a non-essential business.  Ours is a good-ole-boy run industry and we have never been allowed to work from home.  But our software guy set up all the salespeople and my boss, Donna, to work from home (Donna can do payroll from home).  As the days went by and the news became more and more scary, it was awful to have to be the only one still heading out to work every day.  I was told on Thursday 3/19 that we were hopefully going to be working from home starting 3/23.

The owner and son did not go for that plan because very few businesses in our industry had shut down and they didn't want to have to tell customers we were bailing for awhile.  ( to say nothing of what it would do to our business for this year).   I had quite a freak out moment (that I later regretted) and said that was irresponsible and I didn't understand why more office people couldn't work from home.

They set up split shifts, to avoid having too many people at work at one time.  One week on working 3 to 5 days and one week off working from home.  (Production still has to go in every day but I think they are splitting up also).  I was scheduled to go in 3/24 to do payroll.  That was the day Tarrant County issued their Stay At Home Emergency order.  Little did we know that our owner and son had other plans - two of our big corporate customers, John Deere and Napa, had sent letters saying that since they were essential, all of their suppliers were under their umbrella and considered essential.  But the owners did not tell us that, they just told us we had to keep working and I wasn't having it.  The owner said if you weren't comfortable staying you could go home and I said I was heading home.  The next day I was told the software guy set me up to work from home and I could come pickup my computer anytime.

At first this was challenging - it required some folks to scan things for me since I didn't have the actual paperwork.  But I figured out 3/4 of my job could be done from home without anyone else having to do extra work.  The CFO still seemed and seems put out that I demanded to work from home.  So I'm sort of expecting the ultimatum that I either have to stick to the on again/off again work schedule or I'll be let go.  I had to go in to run expense (utilities /insurance/freight) payments and decided I would go in early from 7 - 8 every morning to scan things I needed and keep the files updated.  So now the only thing I am not still doing for my job is backup payroll every other week.  I'm considering doing that now.  But it depends on the virus, whether it's still considered high risk to venture out or not.

All of this has been so very stressful.  My immediate boss has been very agreeable and understanding which I appreciate more than I can say.  But her boss is the one that seems angry.  I do not want to lose my job right now.  So many people have lost theirs and are suffering.  But I'm also angry that my owners seem more concerned about making huge corporate customers happy than caring about their employees.  They have always been so caring and treated all of us like family  I know it's not black and white, and that we can't afford to lose those huge customers and survive as a business.  But I'm still sad and disappointed in the way the whole thing was handled.

Just hoping and praying that we both have our jobs at the end of this crazy time.

Pandemic sheltering - week one random thoughts

I love having dogs through this thing.  They are my only sanity sometimes.

Along with gardening.  Digging in the dirt makes me so darn happy, especially on a beautiful spring day.  Even with all of the crazy.

Jav had the thought about how valuable this time is, especially with the oldest who will be driving (!) and jaunting off to high school soon.

I am a cooking and baking FIEND.  Still enjoying it for now because we are normally so busy it is a hectic rush all the time.

We all are getting more exercise than ever before.  I'm starting to feel much less flabby - more yoga and Gabriel's running club workouts.  I'm trying to strengthen Joel's core and improve flexibility for both of them.

We have time to watch movies - we started the Lord of the Rings trilogy yesterday and the boys loved the first one.

This is making us want to continue to have a little more free time even after the Pandemic settles down.  I will have to give serious thought about helping out as much next year.

So far we are getting along pretty well.  Just some outbursts from the teenager, which is to be expected.

Small acts of kindness are so much more noticed these days, and appreciated.

Pandemic 20 - Nightmare Come to Life

3/31/20

Four weeks ago we had barely heard of it.  I think a little over a month a Yahoo story popped up about a killer virus in China spreading like wildfire.  And that it might make the jump into the US.

And it did.  The speed at which our lives have changed forever really just takes my breath away sometimes.  

It's called Coronavirus, or Covid-19.  It is somewhat flu-like, but this monster infects your lungs, as in pneumonia.  A dry cough and fever, and that's all if you're lucky.  But for some reason certain people start to have real trouble breathing.  Even perfectly healthy people.  The biggest age group at risk are folks over 60, especially those over 80.  This virus does not seem to affect children adversely, other than making them carriers that make other older folks sick.  It affects men slightly more than women for some reason.  And it is a master of contagion, having first appeared in October 2019, and already shown up as of today in almost every country in the world and infected over 163,000 people in the US alone.  People are dying at a much higher rate than the flu rate.  It's already developed another strain, making the rush to develop a vaccine even more difficult.  It's been called a virus of "droplets".  

And it is really scary because of how contagious it is and how it doesn't affect everyone the same.  

Within one week of finding out it was hitting the US, mostly in CA and NY, we heard rumors that UNPRECEDENTED actions were going to be needed to slow it down and not overwhelm healthcare facilities and workers.  Sure enough during Spring Break week we started hearing of school districts in TX adding several weeks to Spring Break.  We got the announcement via Text on Friday March 13th.  School would be closed until 3/30, another two weeks.  The teachers would be contacting us the following week regarding online teaching.  

Now that date has been extended.  First to April 6th, then Sunday to April 17th, both decided by the Catholic diocese and in congruence with FW school district, and now the TX governor has extended to May 4th.

So the boys have not been to school since March 6th.  They will have TWO MONTHS of long distance schooling. Maybe more.


But the stress of this thing is overwhelming.

More to come.

ESTES PARK 2019 Day Four - Lily Lake and Trail Ridge Road

Another beautiful day in paradise!  The wild turkeys agree!  They came down from the mountains behind the cabins every morning, two toms and a hen, foraging for bugs.

After another fabulous breakfast, we headed over to Lily Lake to fish and hike.  We kept running into construction traffic all over town.  Why is this necessary in EP during the summer when there are a bazillion people there?  It's crowded enough everywhere without adding that problem.

The Lily Lake parking lot is small, so we had to park on the side of the highway.  Right away a park ranger came up to Cade and Philip (who were carrying fishing poles) and told them Lily Lake is no longer stocked with fish due to the heat of the water in the summer - nothing would survive.  This was a bit ironic considering the temps were in the lower 60's at the time.  So they packed up their fishing poles and headed to Estes Lake to test the waters.

This hike was a test to see if I could handle a somewhat short and easy hike. Sadly, I had a really hard time hiking up the steep part with steps.  My heart flutters came back and this time they brought a friend:  massive headaches.

Once we leveled off on the top and of course on the way down, I was fine.  But it was very disheartening to realize the altitude was going to mess with me that much.  All the long hikes we had wanted to try were now out of my reach, which not only made me sad for me but for Jav and the boys.  Jav did not want to attempt a longer hike on his own.  And the way Macy had taken to hiking so far, I think she would've made a good go of a longer one too.  But it wasn't to be.

We still had a great time and saw beautiful views.  I told the kids about the rock sculptures thinking they would have fun making one.  They did, but I have since been schooled by several serious hikers that this practice is frowned upon due to messing with the natural landscape and the danger of the rocks falling on small animals.  So I will be encouraging them to refrain from building any more after this trip.  The lake itself has really different bird life and we could hear these strange (at least to us) calls back and forth.  There was a beautiful Colorado blue sky and cool weather.  What more could we ask for?

On the way back to the lodge Joel had his quote of the trip:  "I just saw a sign that said 'You are going to die!'  Long pause.  Then he said,  "Or maybe it said 'You need some pie', I'm not sure."  That kid cracks me up.  It turns out it said "You Need Pie" and was all over town, posted by the Estes Park Pie Shop and Bakery.

The Stanley Hotel nestled in the hills, famous
because it's where Stephen King had the idea for The Shining!

I had a good cry abut my physical woes when we got back to the cabin.  But my parents convinced me I needed to take it easy and enjoy just being in the mountains.  And when I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself long enough to think, they were absolutely right.  The point of this trip is to be with each other in this special place.  This place we have come to know so well on our 3rd visit here.  We walked down to the playground with the kids to watch them play shuffleboard - something I don't have any pictures of even though they went there each day we were there.  They got a game in and it started raining.  Joel was having trouble so Jav stayed with him so he could practice, even in the rain.(my little competitive sweet pea).

We decided to drive the Trail Ridge Road after lunch.  My parents have done it so many times they decided not to come with us, which we understood.  The road had barely opened when summer started due to the huge snowfall they experienced in the park in May.  The snowplows kept trying but weren't getting very far and it was too dangerous for them to try to navigate the roads at times.  The Visitor's Center and Gift Shop/Restaurant at the summit were completely buried under snow on Memorial Day!




                  

Never seen this sign before on any of our trips!

We got to the Visitor's Center and everyone was disappointed to find the steps leading up to the Summit that we always climb were closed due to ice!  But people were sneaking around the ropes and park rangers were having to follow them up and bring them back down.  Amazing how stupid and selfish people can be.  The kids were disappointed but we did some shopping.  About 5 minutes after leaving to head back down there was another spot people were stopping and walking up to a lookout point.  So Macy and G headed off, and Jav and Joel were quick to follow.  The rest of us waited all bundled in the cars.  The amount and ice and snow was truly amazing and it never fails to blow my mind how quickly the weather goes from sunny to cloudy to raining that high in the mountains.

When we got back we were hungry but didn't want to cook.  Jav and Philip went to pickup food from Smokin' Dave's BBQ.  They had a big variety of food, not just BBQ, and the food was really good.  My parents had not come down that night, so we decided to team up and play Cranium.  Some of us are really bad at drawing with our eyes closed, but I won't name any names.  (It's not me that's for sure!)

Another full and beautiful day.

ESTES PARK 2019 Day Three - Town trip, Gem Lake and Password

Even though we thought we should get up early to hike due to the crowds in the park, with teenagers we thought it would be a battle.  So every morning we had a nice big relaxing breakfast.  My brother makes incredible coffee.

Some of us went into town to get fishing licenses.  The rest of us went on yet another grocery store trip.  The mountains make us HANGRY!

Finally our first hike - with possible weather approaching.  Gem Lake is on the very edge of RMNP but technically still in the town of Estes Park.  I'm not sure why we had not read about it before.  Cade and Philip were hoping to fish at the Lake, even though it looked tiny on the trail map.

When we were driving to trailhead, Joel thought the clouds over the mountain made it look like a volcano!

We were pleased to see the parking lot at the trailhead wasn't full.  It felt wonderful to hike, but we had to do lots of stopping and resting.  The altitude was kicking some of our booties.

Stopped to get a snack and Cade said his asthma was bothering him.  So he and Phil turned around to try to fish at Lake Estes.  We pressed on, watching the sky for signs of bad weather.

We reached the beautiful view of all of Estes Park and took amazing pictures.

Then we started to climb again, and a HUGE clap of thunder stopped us in our tracks.  We saw a cloud approaching us.  All of us tried to get a signal to see the radar but no luck.  We did pull up that the lightning was 13 miles away.  So we turned back (sadly).

We were making good time, the clouds were darkening on us and it started to rain here and there.  All of a sudden I had heart flutters.  They were so bad I had to stop even though it had started raining hard.  We all put on our waterproof wear and kept going.  Of course then the sun came out and we were sweltering by the time we got to the car.  I still felt a little woozy so Jav let me and the kids in while he was putting all our gear in the back.  Macy said she saw lightning then we all heard The BIGGEST CLAP of thunder ever and it made the hair on our necks stand up.  We were all so glad to be grounded in our car.

We made a plan to do another easy hike the next day to see if the flutters showed up again.  But I was pretty bummed.  It was a scary feeling.

Oh a happier note, we finally saw some elk on the way home, all female.

Got back and started dinner :  Beef and chicken tacos, rice and beans, fruit salad.  Delicious!

Then we played Password after dinner.  With my grandparents' actual game from the 50's.  You can really only play with 4 people at a time, so we switched out people every once in awhile so everyone could play.  The kids had a great time playing, and so did all the adults.  And as what usually happens when we all get together, the laughter was abundant and wonderful.

Cade's deep in thought!  The Thinker 😹

Laughter, the BEST MEDICINE!

Joel's happy he's on a team with Mamaw, the smartest
person in the room!  After this we realized he could
handle playing by himself and he did really well!

We all decided we need a muzzle for Poppy!

At one point while waiting for Jav to either guess the word or give me a clue (I can't remember now), I made the comment:  "I might as well go to bed as exciting as this is."
Poppy guffawed and said,  "Jav you really need to up your game!"
followed by Macy squirming and saying she wanted to leave the room, and something about trading in her family, Gabriel getting the gist of it and looking really uncomfortable, the rest of us laughing hysterically and Joel wondering what was so funny.

I love my crazy inappropriate family!

ESTES PARK 2019 Day Two - Arrival

Raton is so beautiful to wake up in.  Temps in the 50's, and that smell of pine trees that just makes all of us unbelievably happy.  We all met in the hotel restaurant for breakfast and set out.  Then stopped five minutes out of Raton for Colorado pics!

This drive seemed like a quick breeze compared to the first day.  For one thing, there are beautiful mountains around on and off for most of the drive, especially from Colorado Springs on in.  The traffic can get dicey at times, but we were heading to Estes Park, so who cares?  I was reading this amazing book and didn't even stop to get a spelling bee ready on this leg of the trip.


And...even though the drive did not seem bad we still had much bickering from the back seat, screen time taken away, and then I turn around and see this:

Just when they have made me the angriest, they pull stuff like
this and I melt.

We had decided to find the burger place in Boulder that we chanced upon last time we came through for lunch.  We did a search for Burger restaurants in Boulder and FINALLY remembered the name of the place we'd been reminiscing about since we ate there the first time:  Larkburger!  We found you and this time we're bringing more people!  My brother and Cade and Macy kept amazing driving time with us and we pulled into Boulder a couple of minutes behind them, so they met us for lunch.  Such. Good.  Food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The drive through Lyons, and into Estes Park is one we LOVE so much.  Lyons is a cute little town with lots of shops and restaurants much like Estes Park (and Fredericksburg) and we need to explore more closely one day.  Then you start climbing with the Big Thompson River following along the highway on and off all the way into EP, and that moment when you crest over the hill and see the whole town below just takes our breath away every single time.  We were listening to the playlist I made for G last time we came, and there's a song called Road to Boulder by a bluegrass band called The Infamous Stringdusters (Bruce Hornsby plays the accordion with them!).  That song came on on this part of our trip and it was perfect to go along with the somewhat rainy drive.  Then we had Joel asking the entire drive, and even after we arrived in EP, "Are we gonna climb THOSE mountains?"  And pointing to the highest peaks, over and over again.  "What about THOSE?"

We rolled into town around 2.



When we arrived at Castle Mountain Lodge we were a little worried to see if any big changes had been made since last trip.  They are under new management.  But we were so glad to see little has changed.  The playground and shuffleboard court were still there in the same place and the kids (even the teenagers) whooped with happiness to see it.  We met the new very young manager, who wanted to hear all about how many years my parents had been coming, and how many times we had ALL made it back and loved it.  (Good idea to have repeat customers!)  But good old Wanda has been there from our first 2014 trip, and there she still was to check us in.  We later met the new also relatively young owner and his daughter, a six-year-old spitfire.  He is a grad of Texas A&M and has a huge Aggie flag flying alongside the Colorado and US flag at the entrance.  She asked Macy at the playground if she was an Aggie fan and punched her in the arm when Macy said no!!!  Not maybe a good way to have repeat customers!  But funny.

Mamaw and Poppy had their same old cabin to themselves, but the rest of us had a new cabin setup  and it was so great.  Three joined cabins with connecting doors that we left open the whole trip.  Jav and I had our own room, Cade and the boys shared another and Philip and Macy shared the biggest room (diva that she is - lucky to be the only girl sometimes).  But it made me so happy I cried when Macy said she was super happy that we were all back in one house (last trip they had a cabin farther away from ours and my parents).  The part we slept in had the kitchen and living area too.  A small but functional kitchen for Phil and I to cook meals in.  We work very well as a team now that we are adulting all over the place. 😁😂

And..even though we all brought tons of food we still needed a few things before we could cook dinner (sigh), so Philip and Macy and I headed to the Safeway and braced ourselves like they do on Game of Thrones (well almost).  It wasn't too bad and was definitely more fun because Macy was along.  We discovered we have the same favorite snack - cranberry juice and graham crackers.  We unloaded and started that night's menu:  Spaghetti and meatballs with sauce, salad, store-bought cheesecake.  Mom and dad came down to eat with us, and the hilarity that always ensues when we get together was there from the get-go.  Of course just being in the mountains makes you hungrier and we all chowed down!  Yummmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy

And in the strange but true and we want to remember category:  We were finishing up dinner when Philip looked out the window and saw what we now think were a large group of 7th Day Adventists moving into the cabin next to my mom and dad.  The men all had on light blue button down shirts and overalls; the women had bonnets, long dresses and really long hair.  They were in cars and trucks, one pulling a trailer.  Not something you see every day!  First we wondered if they were Amish, which really wasn't smart because they obviously were not Amish with the cars and trucks.  Poppy started making inappropriate jokes about them trying to convert him, so much so that he felt the need to apologize the next morning, making a big speech to the kids about how he believed in freedom of religion.  Good save Poppy!

Mom and dad were tired from the drive in, so decided to turn in before games that first night.  But before they left my dad mentioned that this was the best Father's Day gift ever.  I have to agree even though I'm not a Father.  We all felt like we'd been given a gift.

The kids and I played Apples to Apples after dinner, just like old times from last summer.

Before bed we started considering hikes we might want to try.  I was so in my happy place it was ridiculous.








I thought it would be fun to insert here a comparison of the kids from our 2014, 2016 and to this trip.  Good. Grief. 😢😢