The ethics of parenting

I have an acquaintance that I have not known long who mentioned in passing that she was "fascinated by Libertarians".  Based on her recent Facebook posts, I believe she may have moved herself right on into Full-Fledged Libertarianism since we had that conversation.  Along with some of the kooky (I think, at least), things she believes about government leadership, many of the articles and blogs she has posted on Facebook of late deal with how to raise your kids without grafting your own beliefs onto them.  In other words, parents should keep their own personal opinions on subjects to themselves, should let their kids figure stuff out, and develop their own ideas and opinions about things.

Well, I say the same thing to myself about this that I say when I read the kooky government posts:  good luck with all THAT!  Wouldn't it be worrisome that the morals and ethical beliefs they develop might come from school, friends, parents of freinds, pop culture, TV, or things they read online?  By God, it would be to me.  And don't we have the right, as parents, to explain the way we feel about certain things to our kids?  Isn't that just plain ole PARENTING in the truest sense of the word?

Let me get a little more specific.  I knew when I started to finally have kids that I would never be able to take them to the circus or rodeo.  The animals are held in captivity, in unnatural surroundings, and no matter how well the organization claims to treat them, I feel that forcing wild animals to perform for a human audience's entertainment is just wrong.

I have followed the good work of several animal organizations who allow former performing animals to "retire" to a life they were more naturally meant to lead.  The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee does not allow any contact between the public and the elephants living there, but they do have "Ele-cams" set up in various locations throughout the grounds, so that you can watch them playing with their toys or splashing in the pond.  The International Exoctic Animal Sanctuary in Boyd, TX takes in big cats, bears, and a few other types of animals.  Some of these were forced to perform for traveling circuses and flea markets.  Some just had to endure life as a side show, like the 11 bears IEAS recently won custody of from a closed down Bear Park in North Carolina, where they lived in concrete pits.  IEAS has behavioral specialists that work with their animals towards enrichment and rehabilitation.  They do allow planned tours of their grounds, but only small groups at a time, and no child younger than seven can visit.

The only reaction I had had to deal with so far was from other parents who were shocked that we do not let our kids experience these things.  They acted as if we were denying our kids some of the joys of childhood or something.  I have had so many negative reactions that recently when a coworker offered me six free tickets to the rodeos that are held every weekend in the Stockyards, I took them, even though they will not be used by us.  It was at this point I began to question whether or not it was right to keep my kids from these things based on my feelings and beliefs.

I knew I would have to face some challenging questions from Gabriel soon if he heard that one of his frends went to the circus or Stock Show.  Sure enough, the Shrine Circus recently rolled through Fort Worth and had billboards up and signs on bus stop benches.  He got really excited and asked if we could go, and I took my deep breath and tried my best to explain why we could not.  I told him about the Elephant Sanctuary, and that we need to start checking the Ele-cams.  I told him we would try to go to an animal-free circus, like Cirque De Soleil, some time in the near future.  He seemed to understand but be a little disappointed.  He always pointed out the signs when we passed them, and said a little wistfully, "The circus is still going on."  "Yes," I would answer, "and I hope you understand why we cannot go."

Then last week my friend Cathy posted on Facebook that she strongly suggested anyone who had ever been to SeaWorld watch the documentary that was airing on CNN that night, "Blackfish".  It uncovered the many accidents and near-death incidents there had been between orcas and the trainers at Sea World since the company started back in the 70's.  It also had interviews from former trainers about the fact that SeaWorld did not report these incidents to the public, or to newly-hired trainers.  There were marine biologists discussing how wrong it was to contain these huge animals in concrete pools, train them to perform, and expect them to stay aggression-free.  And how wrong it is to take the babies away from their moms at 4 months, when calves normally stay with their moms for two years in the wild.

I have been to SeaWorld three times, and had always thought about all of the good that SeaWorld has done for conservation while I was there.  This was not mentioned at all in the movie, which I initially thought was unfair.  No current employee of SeaWorld agreed to be interviewed for the film.  But the footage in the film speaks for itself.  I was shocked, horrified and saddened by what I saw and learned.  I came away realizing how similar the plight of the orcas is to the sad life of circus elephants, and was a little ashamed and dumbfounded that I had never made the connection before.  Orcas are beautiful creatures, and belong in open water.  Period.  Any attempt to contain them and make them perform is cruel and ultimately leads to tragedy.

So now we can mark "A trip to SeaWorld" off of our list of things we might do in the future.  And can you believe that the very day that "Blackfish" aired, Gabriel asked me when we were going back to SeaWorld?  (What a sense of humor you have, sometimes, God!)  I put off the real answer by telling him we could not afford a trip anytime soon.

Some might think we're hypocritical by taking them to the zoo and not these other places.  My reasoning behind that is that there is a big difference between seeing the animals in person, in all their majesty and greatness, compared to seeing them online or on paper.  If the boys see them in person, hopefully as they get older it will instill some sense of caring what happens to those animals in the wild.  Not that it doesn't upset me when I see ANY animal in captivity, but I've learned to harden myself at the zoo.

My husband, thankfully, is completely behind the decision.  He now has some very different opinions from the ones he had when we first met.  So I am beginning to feel a little more confident about our decision to avoid certain events.  The way I have to look at it is that I am teaching my children compassion for all of the earth's creatures from an early age, and how can that be a bad thing?

Baby shower

My cousin's oldest daughter recently turned 18.  I am not using names and am not sharing pics of her, since I didn't ask her if that would be ok.  Her short story:  She graduated a year early, and had plans to go to Tarleton and major in Veterinary Medicine.  She was a bit of a tomboy and had not had many boyfriends all throughout high school.  She thought she had met the love of her life last year, and got pregnant.  The plans changed.  The boyfriend turned out to be a jerk, and his entire family was unsupportive of her.  She has since moved in with her grandmother, and is fixing up a room for she and her baby boy.  She still has plans to attend Weatherford Junior College in the evenings, while her grandmother (who has worked in a day care with the 6-12 month old babies her entire adult life), watches Aiden.  

In a moment of craziness mixed in with love for my cousin, I offered to host a baby shower for her.  I think I was also influenced by an understanding that we all make stupid mistakes when we are young, and even though those mistakes can turn out to be wonderful, I wanted her to know that our family fully supports her and celebrates this baby.  I have never even co-hosted a baby shower.  But I have attended many, including my own.  The family immediately started thanking me, saying they had been looking for a place big enough to have it.  Oops.  Should've talked that over with my husband.  They wanted to have it the weekend before Gabriel's birthday.  We decided to postpone his party a week so I could have a weekend off to rest up in between the crazy.  But I really got lucky, because Little Momma's grandmother helped out so much that I was left with three main responsibilities:  Decorating, games and the food.  She took care of some decorations, all paper products, party favors and the cake.  

Little Momma wanted a jungle theme, and I found a zebra tablecloth that I knew I wanted to use.  I also thought about palm trees and rope for vines.  I had been wanting to get some new house plants anyway, and I found the two ponytail palms below on sale.  I also bought one big palm to sit on the floor somewhere around where the guest of honor was opening gifts.  My sweet dad came and helped me get the rope vines hung all around the table and the living room, and I wrapped green crepe ribbon around the rope.  I also bought several stuffed jumgle animals at Toys R Us that I thought were adorable, and that I gave to her to decorate the nursery after the shower.  I hung our Curious George monkeys from the vines.  I got a huge giraffe balloon to tie to Little Momma's chair.  The crowning touch on the decorations were the big bowls of bananas I put everywhere in the house, including the bathroom.  Of course, I realize that I probably got jungle and African savannah confused, but I don't care, I think it looked really cool.

I came up with 2 games, a celebrity baby name game and the Bag Guessing Game, showcased in the picture above in front of the mirror.  My boss has given around 30 baby showers, and this is the one game she's led in all of them.  Each bag is labeled with a letter of the baby's first and middle name.  Then, inside is something that starts with the corresponding letter and is an item for babies.  Whoever gets the most guesses right, wins the prize.

On the food, since this is the Most People Don't RSVP era we are living in, I decided to aim for 25-30 people (they had invited around 40).  Little Momma had been sending me food Pins from Pinterest that I saved in a big folder.  I decided on going with a watermelon bowl fruit salad, Skinny southwest chicken dip, caprese pasta salad, tortilla pinwheels with cream cheese, bacon, pesto and smoked turkey, chocolate covered strawberries and apple pie bites.  I am determined that from now on I will remember to take pictures of the food, because it all looked amazing in my opinion.  I worked my tail off Friday, then had help from Little Momma and her family with getting the fruit cut up for the watermelon bowl and making the tortilla pinwheels.  My cousin and I grew up together and spent around 7-8 years drifting farther and farther apart for various reasons.  Then we found each other on Facebook, and have been a part of each other's lives again ever since.  We were laughing and reminiscing in the kitchen before the shower started and having so much fun.  It's true that your cousins are your first closest friends

It turned out that out of the 40 people they invited, Little Momma had assured me that 10-15 were close family and would be showing up.  But that was all who came.  NONE of her friends showed.  I thought that was pretty lame, even if I do live 20 minutes or so from where she and her friends live.  But we still managed to have a really fun day.  And she felt special and loved by the 15 people there, so it was a success.  And Jav and I got to eat tortilla pinwheels in our lunches the entire next week.  Yum!

Believing, part two.

When Tito passed away, we did not think it was a good idea to take Gabriel or Joel to the visitation or the buriel, but brought Gabriel to the funeral.  He was really upset all week, and I told him I thought attending the service might be comforting to him, since it was held in our regular parish with songs he would recognize.  And I think I was right, albeit I had not thought of his questions when he saw the casket being brought in before the service started.  I wasn't very prepared to answer his, "What's that?"  But I struggled through.  Gabriel then said, "I thought Heaven was up THERE (pointing up), not down in the ground (pointing down)."  So Jav launched into a rather heroic explanation of the soul leaving the body.   This seemed to leave Gabriel wondering, but I think he was ok.

We had told him that we would visit the gravesite in a few weeks so that we could sit down and talk with Tito, because he could still hear us.  He just couldn't talk back.  This also seemed to blow Gabriel's mind a little, and I'm not sure how comfortable he was when we took both boys for a visit for the first time.  I tried to get him to talk but I could tell he thought it was weird and didn't say much.  I made a joke and asked if Tito liked his new neighbors, which Jav laughed at but Gabriel just looked sad.  Sigh.  There's just not much else you can do, I guess, other than keep the spirit of his grandfather alive by telling him stories, and visiting his gravesite in the hope that maybe it will give him some peace.  But if it keeps upsetting him maybe we need to lay off for awhile.

But none of that has to do with my story.  Soon after we got out of the car and found Tito's buriel site, we spotted a rather large white dog about 100 yards away.  It just appeared from behind one of the larger mausoleums.  I was a little concerned because I did not see a leash on it.  And Jojo gets pretty nervous around strange dogs.  I pointed it out to Jav and he started watching it too, notating that it was a pretty dog and didn't look like a stray.  But there was no owner around that we could see.  It sniffed around the mausoleum a bit, then just laid down on the grass.  Now, I like to think that I know dog behavior, and this dog was definitly not a stray.  They are way too skittish to ever lay down in the middle of the day, especially with people nearby.  And the dog never even glanced our way.

All of this started to make me feel really strange.  I looked at Jav watching the dog, and knew he was thinking some strange thoughts about it too.  We were both looking all around for an owner, but there was just no one.  Then another strange thing happened that really blew me away.  Joel started walking towards the dog!  And Joel does NOT walk towards dogs, he runs the other way.  We told him no, he needed to come back with us, because we didn't know that doggie.  The dog just continued peacefully laying in the grass, not asleep, but with his head up.  But he never looked over or seemed the least bit concerned even when Joel had been walking that direction.  Then just as suddently, the dog got up and walked back around the mausoleum where we couldn't see him any more.

By this time we were done with our visit anyway and curiousity overcame Jav and I.  We got back in the car and drove around, looking for some sign of the dog or a person, but there was nothing.  Like it had just vanished.  Jav was so overwhelmed about the whole thing he even asked the cemetary owners when he had to sign some final paperwork if any of the groundskeepers own a dog.  The gentleman looked at him very strangely and said no, they don't allow any dogs on the grounds, with the exception of one woman who visits her husband's grave with her dog every morning on a leash.  And her dog is not white.

So, without voicing it at the time to each other, we both thought it might have been Tito.  When we were talking about it the week afterward, Jav had told Sandra our story.  She reminded Jav about their family Christmas ornaments.  They each picked out ornaments to represent themselves on the tree, years ago.  Jav's dad picked out a white dog.  I wish I could explain more about the moment, how very at ease the dog was.  How peaceful the time was while we were all out there.  I now believe, without a doubt, that it was him, welcoming us to his body's new resting place, and trying to make us feel better.

A Sad Summer

We had a hard, hard summer.  Jav's dad went into the hospital, then rehab, then nursing care within a month starting in May.  We had Sandra's wedding, a joyful event, but bittersweet when we realized that her dad really did not grasp what was going on.  Then my mom went into the hospital with heart issues for four days.  Then Jav's mom went to the ER because of digestive issues that have been plaguing her for years.

We went into full crisis mode.  I scrambled to find babysitting for the boys so I could still get some hours in at work.    Jav and his sister took turns visiting their dad every night for dinner until he went to bed. They explained to him where their mom was, but he would forget, or perhaps even not believe them.  She spent two weeks in the hospital after having major surgery to have part of her intestine and her appendix removed.  It took a week to determine if her digestive system was working well.  It was something that will improve her quality of life immensely, but it came at such a bad time.

We visited with Jav's dad just before we left for our Galveston trip and just before she returned home.  I was shocked at how thin he had become since Sandra's wedding.  He was very bitter, and looked so confused and angry.  It broke my heart to see him, and bothered Gabriel so much we decided we couldn't let him visit unless we knew he was having a good day.  We went on our trip and had a fantastic time.  I think it was an understatement to say that we needed to get away for some fun and laughs with the boys.  We got back late Sunday afternoon, and started the post-trip drudgery of unpacking, tackling mounds of laundry, running to the store to get by until a big grocery trip, etc...  He knew Sandra was expecting to take care of his dad Sunday night, so decided not to visit.

We got a call early Monday morning that his dad had gone to the hospital, but they didn't say why.  I guess in retrospect we should have known what was coming, but we didn't.  He called around 9 to let me know his father, Celestino, had passed away in his sleep sometime early Monday morning.  Even though we knew it was coming, it was still a shock that it came so quickly.  And with so much guilt and "wish we could have done this or that" surrounding us.  His mother took it the hardest, of course,  She had only had the strength to visit him one time since getting home from the hospital.  I'm sure it shocked and saddened her when she saw him, and was too much for a 77-year-old recovering from such major surgery.  Everyone has said, "It's just one of those things that coudn't be helped...".  And this is always followed by, "...and it is so very, very sad."

Yes it is.  He was a wonderful mixture of old school and modern thinking.  He had stories of growing up on a farm and being so proud not when he got his first car, but when he got a horse of his very own.  He came to America to work and earn money for he and his new bride, Consuelo.  But something about America grew on him.  He brought her here, with a promise of going back and starting a family after he worked for a few years.  Then Javier, then his sister, came along and Tino decided he wanted a better life for his kids.  This was way back before so many Mexican nationals were brave enough to do it.  He and Consuelo became U.S. citizens while retaining their Mexican citizenship.  He worked hard to send his kids through Catholic school.  He earned lasting respect from many Nolan students during the years he coached their baseball team.  But he also made sure his kids spent summers in Monterrey, so they would understand where they came from and carry on some of the culture.  I have such respect for what he and Consuelo accomplished here, away from large familial support and surrounded by mosty white families.  They carved out a life, like pioneers staking their claim, and sent both kids to college.  It still blows my mind.

Tino was a stern but loving father, and was quite intimidating the first few times I was around him.  But as soon as we were married, and I mean the night of the wedding, he started calling me "Mija", just as he did Sandra.  It moved me and made me feel so welcome to be a part of their family.  He always had a great story, he loved meeting and talking to all kinds of different people.  And when the time came he was a fun and doting grandfather.  It breaks my heart to think that the boys might not remember him.  I was 8 when I lost my grandfather, and have some specific memories that I carry with me, but most of it is very vague and blurry.  I think that is how Gabriel's memories will be.  Joel may not remember him at all.  So it will be up to us to explain, show pictures, tell stories and paint a picture of the wonderful person his Tito was.  Although we wish we had more to tell him.  Why is it such human nature to halfway listen to the stories, or tune out when we think we've heard them before?  Only to berate ourselves for not soaking up every word once the person is gone and the stories have ended.  But we will try.

Even though it is a bit of a relief to know he isn't so upset, angry and confused any longer, I miss him terribly.

Believing, part one.

When we got married, a strange thing happened that those of us in the know all agree was a very special thing to witness.  Sometime towards the end of the ceremony, a small black and white cat wandered into the Herb Farm courtyard where we were.  It kept its distance at first, but once the majority of attendees had headed to the bar and tables to wait out pictures, the cat made its presence known in bolder ways.

A couple of times it would wander close to Jav and I during the photo shoot.  At one point the photographer asked, "Do you guys know this cat?  It seems so comfortable around you."  We told him we'd never seen it before.  Then during one shot, when Jav and I were seated on a bench at the back of the gardens, the cat actually jumped in my lap.  It was at that point that the little voice I had been ignoring in the back of my head shouted out, "It's Mamaw!"  I think I may have mentioned it to Jav out loud, but that was all at first.

My grandmother had passed away a month after Jav and I started dating.  She was my favorite person in the whole world, and she never got to meet the true love of my life.  The whole reason I had considered Fredericksburg as a place to get married, originally, was that when my family came to her memorial service, I had said that it was so good to see everyone, but I wished the reason we were all together wasn't such a sad one.  Then Fredericksburg started to really make sense when we realized Jav's family from Monterrey could meet us there and not have to make the much longer drive to Fort Worth.  Additionally, it really started to seem perfect when you realize what a blending of German and Hispanic cultures Fredericksburg has championed for decades.  But my thoughts about Mamaw were the ones that got the ball rolling.

So back to the wedding.  My grandmother was a very strong-willed person.  So it made sense to think that she would have thought of a way to attend her granddaughters' wedding.  And in her own way, let me know without a doubt who she was.  I think we told my mom, Jav's sister, and maybe a few other people about the cat during the reception.  I know I told my friend Cobra, who totally believed in that sort of thing and was certain it was true.  The cat disappeared once the sun went down and the music started, or at least we just didn't notice her after that.  We asked the Herb Farm employees afterwards if that was one of their regular cats, and they had never seen it before that day.  Our photographer was so entranced by the story that he checked in a couple of months later and found out they had found a home for the cat, and he was kind enough to email me to let me know.

I have very complicated, to say the least, feelings about religion and the after-life.  I won't go into all of that here.  All I know is that there are mysteries that we come across in life that are hard to explain, and this was one that I can easily explain.  I know, without a doubt, that that little cat was my grandmother for the couple of hours that we saw her lingering.  I was moved and happy beyond belief that she had figured out a way to be there, and it made the day even more special.  It may sound completely crazy, but it's what I believe.

Bad judgement call?

Probably. But in my defense...

We love Brave Combo at our house. Mostly because of the Christmas CD. It's the first one we listen to every year, and it has become very near and dear to my kids' hearts. Their music is, well, fun. Lots of Polkas, but also Cha-Cha-Chas, Rhumbas, Waltzes, the Conga, and every show has a version of The Chicken Dance and The Hokey Pokey. We saw them at an outdoor festival when Gabriel was very young, but he doesn't remember. We've since pondered taking them to see a show, but they always seem to start too late, or be in a club.

Then I got the Levitt Pavilion Fall schedule. Levitt is an outdoor stage, with grass to dance, sit, eat, drink or lay down and listen on. FREE concerts, with the exception of one fundraising one each year. They have a summer schedule, with concerts Wed - Sun night, Memorial Day weekend through the 4th of July. Wednesday is kids' bands. We've been twice. Once each year since we found out about it. We always talk about going more, but then we have other plans, or we talk ourselves out of it because it would be way past the boys' bedtime, or it's too hot, etc....

Then I found out that their Fall concert opener each year is.....drumroll please.....BRAVE COMBO! When I told Gabriel he was so excited. We've had it marked on the calendar for 2 months.

The day before the concert, both boys started sniffling, and Gabriel's teacher informed me when I picked him up that she thought he might have a little fever. Rough nights for both boys (and mommy), so I decided not to send them to school the day of the show. I think in the back of my head I was still hoping they might have enough energy to do the concert. Yes, I am one of those parents who thinks it's okay to miss a day at school to do something fun once in awhile. There are lots of ways to get a good education in life. But as the day wore on I started thinking it probably wasn't a good idea and had to break it to Gabriel that I didn't think we would make the concert after all. The response was Big Fat tears. Sigh. We finished our quiet day, naps for all, and headed to Babe's Chicken Dinner House to have a goodbye dinner with Jav's aunt, who was going back to Mexico after staying with his mom for a month. The boys seemed ok, but droopy. I was resigned about our decision.




 But then we went to our cars, and realized that Levitt is only about two blocks from Babe's parking lot. You could hear the band start up. I'm not sure what came over me at that point. A wave of selfishness? Prickly Heat? I was a polka-obsessed zombie. How DARE these summer colds get in the way of our fun that we'd had planned for this long? We got in the car, found a closer parking spot, and went on in. My family looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

It was PACKED. We struggled to find a patch of grass big enough for all four of us. It was also HOT. But Jav got snow cones. I tried to get Gabriel to go do the Twist with me, he started panicking on the way down to the dance "green", but I told him no one was watching him. Everyone was having way too much fun. One of the things I love about Levitt shows is the range of people, races, and ages you get. There are grandparents, parents and kids all sitting together enjoying the music. Couples on dates, single people who just walked up with their dogs, UTA college students. It's all very laid back. So Gabriel did the Twist, which I was very proud of him about. When the lead singer announced they were going to do, "Sway, so get ready to Cha-Cha-Cha!", this couple in their 70's got up and walked out to the empty street the city blocks off for Levitt concerts. They proceeded to start dancing, REALLY well, to the point where a crowd gathered. I really wanted to take their picture, but I think that's rude if you don't ask first in that type of situation. It's one of those moments that I'll never forget - ever in my life. They really did set the mood for the whole crowd. We all four went up to watch this Greek wedding dance, which was too wild for us to join in. Then Gabriel and I did The Chicken Dance in a circle with a bunch of strangers, and had a blast. Then we all jitterbugged to Wooly Bully. I actually felt like I was about to have heat stroke at that point, so we rested. We went back up for the Hokey Pokey, then at the very end I tried to show G how to polka right around where we were sitting, because alot of folks had already headed to their cars.

During all of this the boys were looking droopier and droopier. When we got to the car after the show (probably 10:15 or so), it was still 101. Yikes. Gabriel was exhausted but jubilant on the way home. I was so proud of him for getting over that silly shyness and getting out there to dance his patooty off! This show he will remember.


So Gabriel first got worse, and coughed a bunch the next day, but then started to get better. Joel just seemed to have a touch of it and was fine the next day. I, however, started feeling worse and worse as Saturday dragged on. By 3am Sunday morning I almost had Jav drive me to the ER. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to cough up a lung, but somehow made it through one of the scariest nights I've ever had. I went to Care Now when they opened the next morning, was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, got a steroid shot and immediately started feeling better. When I told my mom the concert story, I beat her to it - "I know, mom, it was idiotic". She replied, as nicely as possible,"Yep, that's what I was thinking." Idiotic, perhaps, but fun.  But I won't be going to any more outdoor concerts when it's that stinkin' hot outside.

No computer, no blog :-(

Our desktop hard drive on and off button went out about two months ago. We figured it was from Joel pushing it in as hard as he could, over and over again, and breaking it. But no, Jav took it in today and was told it would cost $200 to get it fixed, it was more than just the button. And a newer, faster one costs $400.00. Our laptop is around five or six years old, and started popping completely off while we were in the middle of things about three weeks ago. It would just shut down with no battery warning or anything. Then the little "mousepad" area where you navigate started sticking, and finally got to the point where I was having to almost pop the piece up and almost off to get it to work. Then it stopped working too. NOT GOOD COMPUTER GODS (which have sure been laughing at me behind my back for the last two weeks. We still have some hope that replacing the battery and little mousepad thingie will save the laptop. So for almost a month we have been using Jav's work computer at night. During the day I've been struggling (in a totally First World sense) with using my phone to do internet-y things. I have missed out on upating my blog, We have been through some changes, some happy, some sad in the weeks that I have missed. I'll try to get caught up, but at my own speed (lately very turtle-like). We haven't really budgeted for a new computer, and weren't going to put one on the list for Santa this year. But now on the list it must go. More to come.

A week of cousin fun!

We have had the pleasure of having Cade and Macy come to spend the night several times this summer.  It is always jam-packed crazy fun, and we all sleep really well after our fun days!  The week of July 4th, they came Monday morning.  I decided to take them to the Japanese Gardens.  At first I thought, they are going to be bored.  But then I remembered that when my brother and I were kids, my grandparents used to take us there.  It was a magical place to us, with its bridges, waterfalls, stepping stones and giant koi.  Why shouldn't these kids feel the same way?  

Well, I was right.  Gabriel had been several times with our neighborhood Moms group, but the for the other three it was there first visit.    We walked every inch of the place, sometimes doubling back and seeing things again.  They loved it.  We saw a raccoon right off the bat, had to convince Macy that those bugs were non-stinging dragonflies, not huge stinging wasps, and had one, "oops I dropped Joel's feet in a pond" moment while trying to walk the stepping stones.  We all had a good laugh about that.  But I crowned myself "Mom of the Day" when I found dry socks in the backpack.  Go me!  

Oh, and the only thing I had been worried about was the heat.  Well, we have had some freakish good luck with weather in Texas this summer, and a dry cool front had moved through the day before.  The high was only supposed to be 92 that day, and it was so nice the whole time we were there.

I love every picture we took there, but this one above is my favorite.  I think I may need to get that one enlarged and framed.

We spent two hours there, then it was lunchtime.  I had planned to take them to Kincaid's on Camp Bowie a little before lunch hour rush, but we ended up getting there at exactly noon.  So much for good planning.  But these kids are all really well behaved when I take them places.  I never imagined I would be trying to handle four of them on my own, but it is a piece of cake.  Joel and I stood in line and the three older kids just sat and talked.  For a LONG time.  But man, did the conversation stop when the food came.  We were all famished after our morning trek.

And of course, I had to get everyone dessert.  It's the law!  Macy tried her first fried pie, Cade and I had banana pudding, and G & J enjoyed some vanilla ice cream.  We were pretty much the only group in there with kids, and everyone kept walking by our table and smiling.  A few had a look of pity, like, "wow you have your hands full", but those people just don't get it.  I have true FUN with these kids.  I think it's a day we'll all remember for a long time.

 On to the 4th of July!  I had considered going to the Arlington parade because several folks had told me how awesome it was.  Real floats, bands, and such.  But I knew I would feel guilty if I missed the neighborhood one, and of course they were at the same time.  We weren't disappointed, though, especially since the fire truck finally made an appearance.  It's very down-home.  At one point a man in a convertible was adjusting the Uncle Sam hat on his bloodhound.  I love my friend LaWayne's El Camino (lowest parade picture), that I truly think she bought just to decorate and ride in the parade!

We bought Fort Worth Cats tickets, along with Philip and April and the kids.  Your ticket included a prime Fort Worth Fourth fireworks watching seat after the game.  We thought this might be better than hanging out on the banks of the Trinity, where people had been soaking up the sun and drinking since 2 pm.  A little more family-friendly!  The Cats won, the kids had a blast during the game, and our front row seat of downtown FW and fireworks was wonderful!

And if that weren't enough for one week, we had a late Father's Day celebration at our house on Sunday.  Along with Mom and Dad and my brother's family we had my cousin's family and her dad.  I must brag about the food.  My brother and I came up with the menu, when we realized we were both thinking about pulled pork sandwiches.  I cooked the pork in the slow cooker all night long the night before.  It came out really, really well.  My sister-in-law brought cole slaw to top off the sandwiches, and some of the best homemade potato salad I've ever eaten.  My cousin's husband Vinney brought beans that were out of this world.  My mom made brownies and I made banana pudding.  This crew loves to cook and eat!

Uncle Dave, April, Uncle Dennis, Jav and Joel (Mom, I'm sorry you were cut out!)

Cade, Dad, Gabriel, Macy and Philip

My first cousin Kristen's husband Vinney and their oldest daughter, Rianna.  Rianna is expecting and is due in October.  And his 38 year old sister just had her first baby, so he gets to be an uncle for the first time, and then a grandpa right around the corner! 

Me and my sweet dad.

News, Schmooze

The time in my life before I met Jav and started having kids, I became a news junkie.  NPR was my link to all news in the world.  I listened before work, in the car on commutes, and sometimes curled up before going to sleep with my portable radio, listening to the BBC late into the night.  I felt very well-informed, and like I could have intelligent conversation and debate about pretty much any current event.  After I had Gabriel, I noticed a drop in my tuning-in ability, of course.  But I still kept up with foreign affairs and big news events.  After Joel, though, not so much.  Even though he's 3-1/2 now, I will go still weeks without tuning in.  I signed up for NPR emails for Breaking News, just after the big Tsunami hit Japan, because I had no idea what people were talking about at work and felt kind of silly.

Because I only listen to a National/World type news report, I rarely know that much about what's happening in my state or city.  I think local TV news is a joke.  They spend more time talking about celebrities than important things happening in the world.  When did Justin Bieber's hairstyle change become NEWS?  And the local newspaper is not much better, changing their look to more USA Today-style than a traditional newspaper.  You have to dig deep within those pages to find what I consider to be actual news.

My lack of time spent learning what's happening in the world weighs on me at times.  I now could not speak very wisely about many things happening out there in the big bad world.  My lack of community/social involvement gets to me, too.  I have many issues that are important to me, the biggest of which is the environment of this beautiful planet we live on.  To me if this issue doesn't start getting more attention, all the bickering we do about the other stuff is not going to seem very important.  When you start not having enough water for crops to feed people or fresh water for people to drink, I doubt many folks are going to be too concerned about the petty things humans can find themselves arguing about.  But this is an issue that gets largely ignored in the news cycle.  When an issue is that big, and seems unsolvable, what is there to report on?

I also get frustrated because there seems to be so many issues that people are just on TOTALLY opposite sides, not willing to budge an inch or even listen to intelligent debate from the other side.  Gun rights, immigration, abortion, racial issues, equal marriage rights, the list goes on and on and ON.  When you have two factions who feel so passionately about something, but are on totally different sides, how do you figure out an issue?  How do you figure out any issues anymore?  Instead of working through it with intelligent and reflective conversation, people say they are taking their stand to the death and NOTHING ever gets done that makes anyone happy.  I can't decide if our representatives have become big spoiled babies, or total namby-pambies, answering to their special interest groups and coffers instead of addressing their constituents' needs.  Neither type of person is who I want my kids to turn out to be.  It's hard to believe these are people that have been elected into office and are representing me.

So lately I find myself not so concerned about missing the news.  In fact, I think I am actually avoiding it these days.  It's all really enough to just make me throw up my hands and concentrate on my own little world, giving little regard to the bigger things happening outside of it.  I know that this may bite me in the long run, but until things either change dramatically in the way news is reported, or local, state and national government members figure out ways to compromise and get things done, then so be it.  Maybe I'll win the lottery and have more time to explore issues and figure out how to change things I don't like.

A Family Wedding

My sister-in-law and her longtime boyfriend, Michael, got married almost a month ago on Thursday night, the last day of swim lessons.  I made sure the boys both got a nap in, because swim lessons made them so tired the rest of the day.  Gabriel was the official Ring Bearer, and JoJo Ring Bearer Junior.  Here they are trying on their wedding finery, one picture right after I started taking them, and one picture when they were FED UP with pictures!

The ceremony was at 6 pm at Weston Gardens, a beautiful place that touts itself as, "English Gardens, Texas-Style". They had picked the smallest garden which was almost like a grotto with trees growing over. There was a harpist playing. There were butterflies flitting about. It would have been idyllic, indeed, if not for the 100 degree humid-like-a-rain-forest heat.  

But the ceremony went off without any major hitches.  The boys did great, at least from my point of view from the seats.  Jav said that Joel was refusing to hold Gabriel's hand, but some coaxing by the Matron of Honor, Suzanne, and his brother finally did the trick.  Gabriel was a bit thrown off when the photographer, whom no one warned him about, kept jumping in front of them snapping away and he didn't know whether to stop or keep going.  Gabriel oldest buddy, Lenah, was chief Flower Girl and did a beautiful job.  Her little sister, Mila, walked behind barefoot, picking up the flower petals and putting them back in the basket.  So stinkin' cute!  Sandra looked radiant, and walked down the aisle on Jav's arm to Etta James's, "At Last", which was very different but so cool.  The non-denominational minister was from South Africa, and was very personable and witty.  Michael's oldest sister, Dianne, read the 1st Corinthians passage about Love, and Jav read a beautiful poem in Spanish.  Gabriel walked up to deposit the rings after some confusion when the minister changed the order of the ceremony.  Michael and Sandra and Michael's two daughters, Lizzie and Grace, did a Sand Ceremony, which I had never seen before, mixing their separate sand (and families) into one big bowl.  It all would have seemed to breeze by if not for Joel yelling out every 20 seconds or so, "I'm hot, and I want some more water!".  

Even though it was a joyful event, there were a few sad things to mention.  Jav was walking his sister down the aisle because, sadly, their dad just couldn't do it.  He has been in poor health and recently was moved from the physical therapy wing to the nursing care area in a facility in Hurst.  The family had to get permission to bring him to the wedding, and poor Jav was in charge of getting him dressed and getting him there, along with getting him back and making sure he had some dinner.  Along with everything else going on!  Their dad has Alzheimer's, and it was impossible to tell if he really understood what was going on.  He knew it was something big, with all of us dressed up and seeing family from Monterrey that he hadn't seen in a long time.  But he didn't really talk through the whole thing.  The only time you KNOW he is cognizant of what's going on, is when he sees Gabriel.    His whole face changes and lights up, and he looks like his old self.  

And we were also upset that their dad's sister, Tina, and their mom's brother and sister, Arturo and Licha, all from Monterrey, could not make the wedding.  Tia Tina and Tio Arturo are in poor health, and poor Tia Licha's visa application had a glitch and she was not able to come.  That last part really took a toll on my mother-in-law.  But we had four people that did come up, their cousin David and his wife, Erica, and their two cousins, Lupana and Maque, who are unmarried sisters in their 60's and two of the hippest women I've ever met.  We spent the entire five days with them, taking them to Grapevine Mills Mall to shop, having them over for Sunday brunch (along with the Bride and Groom), and taking them to downtown Cowtown to see the sights and eat dinner their last night here.  

So this picture has a back story.  I was determined for the professional photographer to get a pic of just our family since we do not dress up often (ok - ever).  We started pictures, with the Best Man handing out paper towels to everyone to dry off in between shots.  But then Gabriel had what we'll call a "Bathroom Incident", that kept us away from the picture taking for about 20 minutes.  I guess they finally gave up on us and were done by the time we came out.  So as we were walking to the car, I asked our friend Christine if she'd take a shot of us and just see if it came out.  We walked out into a field, and had sweat through our clothes about 10 times by now.  It came out so great!  I love, love, love it.  Look how Joel has his little hands clasped in front of him, Gabriel looks so grown up, and how dashing Jav looks in his all-black tux.

As Jav was driving his dad home, I drove us back to our house to drop Joel off so my mom could watch him as we went onto the dinner. It was on the roof of Reata restaurant downtown.  Gabriel was so excited I thought his head would explode.  It was a fantastically romantic setting, with two long tables and the backdrop of Fort Worth buildings all around.  Everyone ate first since it was 8:30 or so.  The food and service were wonderful, I have to say.  Jav got there pretty late when they were cutting and serving the cake, poor guy.  But at least he didn't miss the wedding toasts, including giving one that may have been the sweetest toast I've ever heard.  I was so proud of him that night with all he had to do.  He really rose above and beyond the call of duty as brother, son, cousin, father and husband.  

All of the toasts were wonderful, funny mixed in with sweet and poignant.  Michael's mom read an Irish Wedding blessing in Spanish, which she had been practicing for months.  Sandra's best friend, Gilbert, stepped in for her dad and gave the old, "You better be good to her because she is the best person in the whole world", as part of his toast.  We have all waited for a long, long, time for this very sweet and special person to find the right person who would make her this happy.  There were many tears of joy being shed everywhere you looked.

And finally a few more photo opportunities.  Lenah and Gabriel, in 2007 and 2013.  Wow is all I can say!!!!  

I am hoping to have more pictures, from this night and from the BBQ reception that happened a few nights later, once the professional ones are shared with everyone.  But this is one of my favorites, taken just before heading home.  What a happy, happy evening!  And how good it felt to finally take a cold shower at 12:30 am!!!

Swimming!

Here he is, the fantastic Mr. Bryan!  We SO missed him last summer.  It really wasn't the same without him.  

His wife was battling brain cancer all summer.  He was commuting back and forth between MD Anderson on weekends, and when we heard this was happening we decided to sign up Gabriel at Emler in case Mr. Bryan just couldn't keep teaching.  The weekend before Gabriel's session in August, Mr. Bryan called Jav to tell us he had to cancel, they had just placed his wife in hospice care.  We were sad on so many levels.  Mr. Bryan is one of the nicest people on earth, and knowing he was losing his 50-year-old wife was just heartbreaking.  But since I am a mom, my heart also broke for Gabriel, who looks forward to his two weeks there probably more than anything else the whole summer.  

Gabriel had lackluster teachers at Emler last year.  He stayed at the same level, or maybe even a little behind where he had ended up the summer before.  They didn't seem to want to push him to do anything, and he was afraid to even jump in the water from the side without help.  

The FIRST day back at Mr. Bryan's, Gabriel jumped off the diving board and swam halfway across the pool.  Wowsa!  Mr. Bryan just inspires his students to have confidence like no other person can.  All Gabriel had to do was know he was back in that backyard and it came back.  But I was concerned when we arrived that first day, because there was a FOR SALE sign in Mr. Bryan's yard.  We found out the second week that he is looking for something, with a pool, in Central Arlington (even closer to us - yay!), and will be teaching next year.  

Gabriel's classmate for this year was Brady, who is almost a year younger, a strong swimmer already, but totally lacked confidence in himself.  He had a hard time the entire first week, but then finally started to enjoy himself towards the end of the session.  Gabriel did well all the way through.  He's going across the pool by himself, but having trouble with doing big enough circles with him arms (they aren't propelling him forward), and needs to work on form.  But I am so proud of him for jumping off that diving board and trying so hard.  

This was Joel's first time at Mr. Bryan's, and I knew it would go well.  He did great last year at Emler, and was being pulled under the water for 10 seconds each time.  He still talks about his teacher from last year.  This year, Joel was never scared, he put his face in easily and discovered the joy of floating in water.  His classmate was Callie, who turned out to be the sister of Gabriel's classmate from summer before last, Nathan.  So it turns out Callie and Joel spent two weeks together waiting for their brothers to finish swim lessons summer before last.    Callie cried the first week, then something kicked in and she started having fun.  Which helped Joel have even more fun.  

It was hard for Joel to wait his turn for his lesson.  He wanted to be in the pool!!!  Mr. Bryan told me that Joel was doing so well it was going to be hard for me to keep him above the water.  And to be sure a wear a t-shirt because he expects to grab onto me when he runs out of breath every time.  

My little fishies!

Two weeks of bliss went by so quickly.  And I promised myself to keep them swimming the rest of the summer, at least once a week.  But we couldn't think about that too much on the last day of class.  Because that night, we had a wedding to go to!!!

(To be continued)