Baseball fun

We took Gabriel and my six-year-old nephew, Cade, to the Ranger Game about three weeks ago.  Cade has been to several Fort Worth Cats games with my brother, but he had never been to a Ranger Game before.  I think it was all a little overwhelming for him.  He seemed to really get into it for the first couple of innings, and was asking Jav all kinds of baseball questions.  Then he started asking the proverbial kid questions - "When are we going to eat?"  "When are we going to walk around?"  "Can we meet the mascot."  "How long do we have to stay?"  After that, his attention on the game came and went, but we were able to have a pretty good time through the middle of the sixth inning (when the ever-exciting Dot Races take place).  

Gabriel seems content as long as he is eating or flirting with other fans.  We got food and drinks on the way before we got there, and Sundays are $1 ice creams for the kids days.  So even though we all ate too much, it didn't leave a big gaping hole in our wallet.  I guess in my head I had thoughts of inspiring a life-long love of baseball in Cade due to our experience at the game, so I was just a little disappointed afterwards when he seemed happy to be heading home.  I need to learn to not have unrealistic expectations when it comes to kids.  Especially for Gabriel's sake.

Clingy vs. Independent: A happy medium?

I read all the books when I had Gabriel about getting him to sleep in his own bed, when to start taking away bottles, how to get him to go to sleep on his own.  And we followed all of this pretty closely.  The result is that we have one extremely independent child on our hands.  

As long as it's his idea to do things, he's happy.  If you try to force things on him, he gets mad.  If he picks out a toy, that's ok.  If you suggest a toy, or a book, he gives us his "I don't think so" yowl and kicks his feet in protest (if he's sitting down).  If you try to help him say a word, he downright gets so mad you think he might throw something at you.  The only song he lets me sing without protest is "Sing, sing a song...".  For some reason, this song calms him and he seems to always enjoy hearing it, no matter what mood he is in.  

The last time we went to Fredericksburg with my my Mom, I tried picking him up from the Pack N Play and letting him sleep with me in the bed for a little while in the mornings.  He couldn't get comfortable with someone else in the bed.  Finally, when all I had was one arm barely draped over him, he fell back asleep.   A couple of times I've tried to get him to take naps with me in our guest bedroom, but he just can't settle down unless he's by himself.  

I'm glad he's independent.  And he is still a very loving child, loving to give hugs and kisses all the time to everybody in the family.  But every once in awhile it would be nice to cuddle up with him and take a nap.  That's when I wouldn't mind a little more clinginess.

The game of summer

My neighbor, Helen, had her family over on the Fourth.  We saw them playing a rollicking game of croquet in her backyard, and it brought back so many memories.  My grandparents had an old croquet set that we played with for years every summer in their backyard.  My brother and I used to take turns making up our own courses, and in trying to outdo each other we had wickets going around trees and under shrubs.  But when we played with the adults, we stuck to a pretty tame course.  I remember I HATED it when my brother got to wallop my ball into kingdom come, which happened pretty often.  But I also remember how much fun we used to have in Mamaw and Bapaw's backyard.    

Playing croquet is so pleasing to the senses.  The dulled color of the balls and the stripes on your matching mallet.  The wonderful sound the mallet makes when it hits the ball.  The feel of the slightly scratched wooden balls in your hand and the cool grass under your feet as you wait to start another game (croquet is best played barefoot).  The taste of a glass of cold lemonade in-between games, which during play was safely tucked away under their Adirondack chairs so a stray ball wouldn't knock it over.  

I've got to search for a slightly used set.  Having a brand new set just wouldn't be quite right.

Fabulous 4th of July

We really enjoyed the 4th yesterday.  First off, we decided to sign up for the Optimist Club's program where they put a flag in your yard just after 7 am and pick it back up around 6 for five holidays during the year.  This was our first one, and the flag looked so pretty flying in front of our house.  

Around 10, we put Gabriel in the stroller and walked the few blocks over to watch our annual neighborhood 4th of July parade.  It was longer than last year, with about 30 cars and motorcycles and pedestrians, all decorated in their red, white and blue finest.  Gabriel's favorite part was the fire truck at the end.  I thought he was going to blow a gasket with excitement.  We then walked down to our neighborhood park to have hot dogs, chips, cookies and lemonade.It was really cool walking through our neighborhood and seeing how many people were gathered outside their houses to watch the parade.  There were big groups of people in lawn chairs, sitting out with their dogs and visiting, all along the route.  It made me really proud to live where we live.  

After eating, they announced the winners for best decorated vehicles, thanked the organizers, and we made the long, hot walk home.  We were so wiped out when we got home, we all three took a nap.  Then I was off to grocery shop, then we did our patriotic duty by heading out to the mall.  We decided Gabriel's too small still to go see any fireworks, so we headed home for dinner and pretty much called it a day.  But it was a really fun day! 

 

Relaxing TV

  Robert Plant and Alison Kraus on  Crossroads.

Chefs going head-to-head on Iron Chef America

 Lately, all I want to watch on TV are cooking shows and music shows.  I guess it's partly because none of the dramas I watch have new shows out right now.  But it's also because I don't like to get tense during my two hours of mind-numbing de-stressing every night.  

My favorite cooking shows are all on Food Network - The Next Food Network Star, Ace of Cakes and Iron Chef America.  The Next Food Network Star is kind of silly.  They are asking the contestants to cook meals for lots of people in almost no time, and it's just a cheap way to get drama into the show.  I would rather see them have more time, so I can learn something.  But I'm hooked anyway.  

Ace of Cakes is about Chef Duff, a totally cool, rock and roll loving skilled welder and master cake designer, and his Charm City Cakes business in Baltimore, Maryland.  Each show is a week's worth of cake orders, how Duff and his staff go about designing and putting the cakes together, and the stress of delivering these fragile masterpieces.  It seems like it might be boring, but the personalities of Duff and his staff are hilarious and are really what make the show.  

Iron Chef America puts two well-known chefs head to head.  They supposedly find out the secret ingredient and then have one hour (along with two sous chefs each) to come up with 5 gourmet dishes that showcase the secret ingredient.  This show started out in Japan (I think), but I never watched it because the secret ingredients always grossed me out (stuff like octopus or fish eyes or something).  But the American version doesn't always use such exotic ingredients.  It's always dramatic, wonderfully campy, fascinating to watch, and makes me hungry at the end.  

Our music shows are Crossroads on CMT, Soundstage and Austin City Limits, both on PBS.  

Crossroads has been on awhile, but we've just recently caught onto it's greatness.  It puts two artists together, one from the country world and one from some other genre, and they sing each other's hits.  This is truly an amazing show no matter who is on it (the only one I haven't liked that much was Kid Rock and Hank Williams, Jr., neither of I can stand).  The best ones we've watched were Lyle Lovett and Bonnie Raitt, LeAnn Rimes and Joss Stone, and Alison Krauss and Robert Plant.    

Austin City Limits has been on forever, and sometimes the guests can't hold my interest, but it's always good to at least check part of it out.  The recent ones that stick out in my mind are Coldplay and Juanes (a Columbian hottie whose music is even hotter).  I have R.E.M. taped but haven't been in the right mind to watch them yet.

We kept catching Soundstage while channel surfing and have decided to add it to our DVR regulars.  This is really weird to me, because both shows we watched were people I would have never thought I'd get into.  The first was Dan Fogelberg, which they replayed just after he passed away.   I couldn't believe how many songs I knew!  The same thing happened last night when we caught REO Speedwagon.  I groaned when we first turned it on, but I ended up really enjoying it.  Of course, the bad part is that I've had "Keep On Lovin' You", one of the silliest rock anthems ever written, in my head ALL DAY LONG.  But I'm kind of excited to see who turns up next.  I'm learning that as I get older, I'm a little surprised at what I'm liking musically.  

Lake Where?

Jav and I got to get away for two days and nights early last week.  We had decided to try a lake house, and I really intended to get a little more into East Texas and the pine trees.  We picked a beautiful spot on Lake Tawakoni, which is only about an hour outside of Dallas.  We packed up the car like we were leaving for two weeks, dropped off Gabriel at Jav's parents' house, and headed East (just barely).  When we drove into the gates of our hosts' private property, it was one of the few times in life where the expectations meet up with the reality.  It was right on the water, surrounded by trees and nature.  

We were thinking of driving around the lake for lunch one of our days, but we ended up parking ourselves there until we headed back home.  We could have checked out the lake in the paddle boat provided for guests.  We could have fished (Tawakoni is considered one of the best but unknown places to fish in Texas).  But it just seemed like too much effort.  I had a little trouble with guilt over leaving Gabriel, and just plain missing him, but after we called the first morning and he seemed to be having a blast I was able to relax more.    

We had two great dinners (steaks one night, rosemary chicken the next), with sides purchased at a local Farmer's Market on the way there.  We had a huge breakfast the first day, and lunched on sandwiches, salt and vinegar chips and coconut macaroons.  We took naps.  We actually watched whole movies at a time (four of them over our two-day stay).  We spent hours just sitting on our porch watching the cranes.  We read books.  We sat outside late at night listening to all the crazy insects and frogs and marveling at how many stars are actually in the sky.  In other words, we successfully and completely de-stressed and chilled out.  It was great.

It was something we will, I'm sure, need to do again.  The website for our cabin is www.cottageonlaketawaloni.com.

Never-ending yard projects

I really wanted to work on this neglected corner.  The cannas were there when we moved in, but have never been tended to.  

I added a border, planted a few more canna bulbs, moved my potted bougainvillea, added a small water dish for the birds, and our broken St. Francis statue---and it looks so much better!  Next year I will add a few elephant ears in the back corner and some day lilies out front.  We have so many new birds drinking from the water dish and from the tiny bowl on the St. Francis statue.

I had dug out this bed in the front yard a few months ago when we were getting torrential rain showers, but then never finished it.  It was covered with weeds so I decided to take action.  I bordered it and planted lots of different shades of lantana, and have seen several butterflies landing on the blooms already.

This started out as Stanley's memorial garden, but we've decided to make it our pet memorial garden.  I had already planted the clematis vine and the Turk's cap last year, and then added caladium bulbs at the end of May.  The amazing thing about this garden is the Turk's cap.  I planted six plants last fall, and thought only two were going to come back.  See the tiny green clump in the sun (to the left of the caladium)?  That's a new Turk's cap that broke through the ground the day after Henry died.  It gives me goose bumps (the good kind) every time I look at it.

And finally, construction has started on Phase II of our path project.  I marked out the border the first day, and have been digging out grass in small sections every other day (it's just too hot when Gabriel is napping to do more, or to get out there every day).  I plan to be done with this part at the end of next week, then we'll put down the plastic and start laying the border.  

I've become a little obsessed about the yard.  The better it looks the more I want to get out there and work every day.  It's amazing to me how little money we've spent and how much better it looks.  I would love to do this for a living some day, and maybe with all of this practice I won't be considered an amateur anymore.

Unforgettable moments

There are so many moments you want to capture as your child matures.  It's easy to get the really big moments on film, either pictures or video, like birthdays or the first steps.  The hardest part is to try to get everyday moments saved somehow.  In just the last week, Gabriel has done so many new things and I know I'm not going to remember all of them.  I thought I would just mention a few so when I go back and read this I can smile.

He has just learned to differentiate between circles, squares and triangles.  He has a set of blocks with the lid cutout with all three shapes, and I've always helped him put them away before.  All of a sudden, he can do it without any help.  

After helping him do the hand parts to Itsy Bitsy Spider for about 5 or 6 months, he did it on his own for the first time after dinner last Friday night.  He likes to do it just like I taught him, three times with each time faster and faster.  We did manage to get this on video.

He has started saying hi and waving to people all over the place.  Then when we walk away, he waves and says bye-bye.  In a really cute high pitched voice, like a teletubbie says bye-bye.

After a couple of weeks of chanting "mama" all the time, all over the house, he has finally decided to start recognizing his "dada" too.  Just in time for Father's Day!   But it's funny how different he says the two words.  Mama is always said really fast, and usually loud.  Dada comes out much more slowly and deliberately, and quieter.  It might just be because it's a little harder for him to say.  But the funny thing is that it actually mirrors me and Jav's personalities.  I'm frenetic and loud, Jav is calmer and quieter.  Kind of funny.

Last Saturday afternoon, we were getting ready for Mass.  Jav was talking to me as I was finishing my makeup, and we weren't paying that much attention to Gabriel.  All of a sudden we realized he was going back a forth between us, hugging our legs and giving us big sloppy kisses on our knees, over and over again.  It was just the sweetest moment, one of those where you thank God that your child turned out to be so warm and loving.

So that's my little Gabriel diary.  Thanks to all three people who read this for indulging me.  (Even though I know Mamaw won't be too bored by it).

The eye of the tiger

It's been a week since I lost Henry, and I've had some time to reflect on what made him the most awesome cat on the planet.  

He had what some would consider a disability, especially since he lost his sight when he was around one year old.  But he never, ever let it slow him down.  He had an amazing ability to map out spaces in his head, so much so that he could hide from me in the house or outside.  I can't count the times I thought he had gotten out of the house or yard, only to find that he had figured out another foolproof place to hide.  How he knew that he was camouflaged will always remain a mystery to me.

Supposedly, blind animals don't like to climb or get into high places.  Henry didn't know this fact, and loved to get up into the top of our scratch posts, and to climb on top of things outside.  As long as he could feel his way up, he would try.  Sometimes he'd try even when he couldn't scale it.  I'm thinking about the propane tank at the old house.  Being round, he couldn't scale it.  He eventually let curiosity get the best of him and jumped on top of it.  And the courage it took to leap back down from these places when he had no idea what was below is something that will continue to inspire courage in me for the rest of my life.

When you watched him prowling around in the yard, it was like watching a tiger (although somewhat smaller).  Maybe it was because he was a short-haired cat, but you could see every muscle when he walked.  His hunting ability was uncanny, since he only had smell and sound to guide him.  (Cats hunt with their eyes above all else).  I loved watching him run at top speed around the yard to successfully nab a locust.  He even liked to hone his skills at night.  If I left out small stuffed toys, he would hunt and find them, then start yowling.  We will never know if the yowling was to let us or the other cats know about his conquest.  His yowling sounded just like a crying baby.  Jav and I had only been dating about two months when he heard Henry yowl for the first time.  He looked absolutely shocked that I was hiding a baby somewhere in the house.   Henry would also take the toys and drop them where we could see.  After Gabriel was born he started leaving all his toy conquests in his room, which I thought was so cool.  

Henry had all that bravery and wildness, but he loved to cuddle up with you, sometimes for hours.  He was truly the best things about cats all rolled up into one.  He had the eye of the tiger, and the soul of a cuddly kitten.  

I had a friend at work who claimed to love animals.  But she only owned one dog when she was in high school that got heart worms and died.  She said the pain was just too much to put herself through again.  I never understood this.  The pain is awful when you lose a pet, but there are always so many more needing homes that will provide them love.  And think of all the things I would have never learned about dealing with blindness, or courage, or heart if I had not brought Henry into my life.  

 

       

The cure for all that ails you

I'm always saying that laughter is the best medicine.  It was proven to me again last night.  We went to see Eddie Izzard at the Majestic last night.  It was a little over two hours of almost non-stop belly laughing.  And all the stress from this past week started to melt away.  I could actually feel it leaving my body as the show went on.  And I slept like a baby (although only for about 5 hours or so), for the first time in a long time.  But I'm really not here to talk about me.

This man has perhaps the most brilliant mind in history (and he's incredibly sexy too).  His intelligence never ceases to amaze me.  Of course, his audience has to be up there too to follow him, and even then it just makes your brain tired every now and then.  The show was mainly about religion, and sort of poking fun of different beliefs in a tasteful and respectful way.  He did this by throwing in tons of history, starting all the way back with the beginning of the planet.  I'm going to try to describe my favorite parts of the show, edited of course.  Otherwise I'd do my longest blog post in history.

There's really no evidence that dinosaurs went to church.  (this was a physical routine of what it would be like if they did, with hand shaking and squeezing into pews and hymn singing.)

How he thinks biblical figures like Noah did actually exist, but he probably only took his own livestock with him on the boat.  (this was a physical routine of Noah's poor wife trying to figure out where to put everything from giant squids to all the different types of spiders, and almost having a nervous breakdown).

This led to a tangent discussion (something Eddie is famous for) on how giraffes can't make any noise but coughing, so have to resort to charades to warn others of a tiger.  And about the fact that the only place giraffes have to hide is behind other giraffes, so if you see one standing on the African Sahara, there are probably 100 more crouching behind him.  

The wonder over how the Romans, with all their penchant for military prowess, were held back by the complexity of the Latin language.  Especially in tense situations when people started invading, and the messengers were struggling to find the right verb tense.

I really could go on, and on, and on with a never ending list of wonderful and funny parts to the show.  It's impossible to write how funny the man is.  His facials expressions and physicality are what make the show, so he is a dish best enjoyed live, or at least on a DVD.  (And did I mention I think he's dishy?)  He'll all of a sudden be inspired by a new idea and start thinking out loud about working on it for future shows.  Comic genius working right in front of your eyes.  The evening was a dream come true for me, one that I really needed after this long, hard week.  And one I will be remembering and laughing about for probably the rest of my life.  

Unanswerable questions

I'm trying to quiet my head from all the "why"s floating around inside.  

Why did Henry get so sick, so fast, when he's always been such a healthy cat?

Why were there so many things that happened over the past few months that gave me good reasons for Henry's changes in behavior?  I moved one of the cat scratch posts from his favorite room, the front office, back to our bedroom.  He seemed a little mad about it, and may have been at first.  But then the reason he didn't climb to the top anymore was apparently because it was too hard physically.  Also, I changed the cats' food a month ago, which is why I thought he was losing a little weight.  I thought he was mad because I cut out the canned food altogether.  

Why did I let myself get so busy that I didn't see how sick he was?  Although Jav and I have figured out that he really only started to get really thin and slow down over the last three weeks, why didn't I take him in then?  

Why didn't we read up on kidney removal to find that the kidney is one of the most delicate organs to remove due to all the attached blood vessels.  Would this have made us decide to use a specialist instead of Dr. Norris?  Jav and I both still think we would have wanted him to do the surgery.  We know he would never have offered to do it if he felt he wasn't qualified, and that he feels just as awful about what happened as we do, and we wouldn't have gotten that empathy from a specialist.

So many questions, and it really doesn't matter what the answers are.  Maybe that's just the way I am trying to deal with my loss.  One of the only things I feel good about today is the fact that I decided to start letting Henry go back outside last year.  He was allowed out at the old house, but when we moved here we decided to make him stay inside because he seemed to get obsessive about going out.  After a year of living here, I just couldn't take his sulking anymore and started letting him out again.  He truly was happiest in life when he was outside, and got to spend alot of time in the backyard.  My last happy memory of him will be looking out my kitchen window and seeing him laying under our biggest oak tree Monday night, sniffing all the fun scents in the air and listening to the birds as they ate their evening meal.  I really didn't want to bring him in that night, he looked so content.

I was just reading one of my Yoga Journal articles about dealing with grief, and I saw this passage that is helping me to feel a little better for the moment:  "Every life has an arc - however prolonged or truncated - and every soul has a path."  Henry seemed pretty happy until just recently, and his path was a rich and full one.  And he made my path SO much better for having him in my life.  That's what I'll have to think about to get me through this sadness.

Sadness

Henry didn't make it. When my phone started ringing at 10:30 I knew it was bad news. Dr. Norris had checked on him at 8: 30 and he seemed to be doing pretty good. Then he went back at 10 and he had passed away. I had really started to get my hopes up, and feel like I'm living in a horrible nightmare. We've lost three bright lights in this house in less than a year, but Henry's went out way too soon. The pain is really too much for me right now. He was the bravest soul I knew.

Surgery today

Henry update:  (8pm)  He made it out of the surgery, but is still in very critical condition.  Dr. Norris removed his left kidney, which was attached to a huge tissue mass.  He sent it off to be biopsied and won't have the results back for several days.  Dr. Norris said he didn't see signs of tumors or irregularities on any of the nearby organs, although his spleen looked a little discolored.  Alot of Henry's blood vessels had attached themselves to the mass, so Dr. Norris had to cut them and close them back up again (sorry I don't remember the medical terms).  The danger is that having such a large mass removed from his insides (and one that had sort of become a part of him) might send him into shock.  So far his heartbeat is strong, and he was starting to come out of the anesthesia at 6.  Dr. Norris was going to check on him several times during the night, but was hopeful that at this point Henry would make it until morning.  Then we have to wait to see if he starts to get stronger tomorrow.  At least the first goal, making it out of the surgery, has been made.  Now we wait and keep praying.

************************************************************************************  

Henry goes in to have his kidney removed today.  He has still been eating some the last few days, although about half or less what he usually eats.  He hasn't been moving around much, just getting up to come and eat and go outside.  Once outside, he doesn't prowl the yard like normal, but just picks a nice spot somewhere in the yard and camps out.  Ever since he was little, I've carried him over one shoulder, and he feels so light and bony compared to the big, husky cat I'm used to holding.  We have just been blindsided by how fast this has come up.  We think it's only been about a month that we noticed he had lost weight, and I keep telling myself that if I had any inkling it was something this serious, of course I would have taken him sooner.  But I'm still having a pretty big battle with guilt right now.

This will be a massive surgery, and I hope he has the strength to pull through.  And of course, I hope Dr. Norris doesn't get in there and find that things are much worse than we thought.  I keep thinking about the early months of Henry's life, when he was found starving and dehydrated by the Eastern Hills High School field house with his sister.  She didn't make it, but Henry proved to be a fighter.  I know he still has that fight in him, but I hope it's enough to fight through all of this.  I'm praying for a miracle.

Henry the Brave

This has been a hard year for our four-legged family members. We lost Stanley in August, thought we might lose Bones, but he ended up being ok, then lost Fred in December. Now we are praying for Henry to make it.

I noticed he had started being a little more reclusive than normal the last few months. I chalked it up to moodiness over Gabriel getting bigger and stepping on him occasionally, and perhaps to age (he turned 8 this month). Then I noticed he didn't seem to want to play with me at all, which is really unusual. Then about a month ago, I picked him up one day and realized he had lost weight. Alot of weight. Once again, I tried to rationalize that maybe he didn't like the new low-cal food I had started all the cats on.

I finally took him in Friday, and our vet found a huge lump where his right kidney should be. X-rays found something that is probably a tumor, and has gotten so large it's pushed his intestines over to his left side. He's lost almost 4 pounds since last September when he had his last checkup. (This would be like a human losing 30-40 pounds). I couldn't wrap my brain around what the vet was telling me. Other than being blind, Henry's always been the healthiest pet we've had. He keeps in shape, eats right, drinks lots of water. I always expected him to outlive all the other pets. I really couldn't think straight in the vet's office, I was so shocked and upset. And feeling very, very guilty about not bringing him in earlier.

Our vet rarely does organ removal, but he is willing to remove Henry's kidney for us. We could take him for an ultrasound to see if it looks like there's any spreading to other areas, but that will be at least $300-$500, and our vet has graciously said it isn't necessary for him to proceed with the surgery. I totally trust Dr. Norris, and have great faith in his abilities. I know he wouldn't have offered to do the surgery if he thought he wasn't qualified. And not that another vet wouldn't do his best, but having someone do the surgery who knows us and knows what an amazing animal Henry is just means SO much to Jav and I.

I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but I have to say that Henry and I have a really special bond. He's sitting in my lap right now, and it just seems like my lap was made to hold him. The minute I start petting him I relax and breath deeper. It's been that way since the day I first picked him up, almost like we knew each other in a past life. So this is hitting me really hard. I know he's strong, and all we can do is pray that once his kidney is removed that I'll have my strong, brave and amazing Henry back in my lap, healthy again.

Great motherhood quote

I read this in one of my Yoga Journal on-line articles. Diane Dillon, co-author of Mommy Mantras, says, "Mothering is very difficult and there is alot you can't control. But what you can control is how you think and how you respond." This is just so true.

If Gabriel wakes up from a nap early, I could be mad and resentful. Or, I can try to laugh it off and know we'll both sleep really well that night. If he wakes up crying at night (which he is doing several times a night due to molars coming in), I could be tense and worry about how much sleep I'm losing. Or, I can remember that he won't need me like this very much longer and realize how wonderful it is to hold him in the middle of the quiet night. This all occured to me on our trip to Fredericksburg, when I realized how much time I was spending chasing him around my uncle's house instead of sitting and relaxing. Last year, I probably would have been cranky and resentful about it. This year, it didn't bother me at all.

Once this realization set in, being a Mom has gotten so much easier.

Path Project - Phase One: Done!

We finished! And we love the way it's looking. AND we only spent about 75 bucks. Now to find the energy to start on Phase II, which is a little longer than the first Phase. Ugh!

Happy 10th Birthday Bonesy the Lionhearted!

Landscaping plans

Not only have we been super busy with our usual May activities this month, we also have taken on a mammoth project in our yard. I have big plans for our yard, and since I'm impulsive, I have a tendency to start working on the big plans without thinking through things sometimes. My idea started with a combination of things. The first was an article in Real Simple magazine about having a backyard campout. They featured a really cool Smith and Hawken firepit to roast hot dogs or make s'mores around. I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Then I realized that our dogs had made somewhat of a path going from one side of our backyard, all the way along the back of the house, to the other side. Dogs will do this. They like to run in the very same place to go bark at things or see out the cracks in the fence. I decided it would be really cool to expand on the path, widen it and border it and fill it in with stepping stones, and even cooler to have a circle in the middle where we could put chairs (adirondack, of course) around a firepit one day.

Lovely in theory. Hell to execute. (This should be my new motto for all my cockamamie ideas).

We decided to do this in stages, with the strip along the back porch first. The first few days of digging out monkey grass went really quickly because it had just rained buckets the few days before. By the end of the week the ground was like concrete and I was using the soaker hose to loosen everything up. I had read up on path-building, and after Jav helped me dig out some more of the dirt, we put landscape plastic down and I started to put the border up. This actually took a couple of weeks (working while Gabriel napped), and I finally got the hang of using paving sand to even out the bricks. It also helped to add some of the dirt back in and pack it against them to hold them in place. Now we are finally ready to fill in with more sand, stepping stones and gravel.

I almost had a heart attack when Jav came home saying that the gravel company he went to for a quote said it would take at least a half a ton of gravel to fill our 20 foot section of path. A HALF A TON. WTF? We are hoping now that we added dirt back in, and once we get the stepping stones set in, that it will not take that much. Regardless, we are spending way more than we thought it would cost and it is taking way more time than we originally figured. And this is just the beginning. We can't stop now or we'd have a section of path that goes nowhere in our backyard, and how goofy would that be? I guess I should've started at one end or the other in case we ran out of steam. But too late now!

At this point the monkey grass came up really easily.

By now the ground was like concrete again. Molly enjoyed this project because of all the earthworms she got to snack on.

My grandfather's wheelbarrow, that my Dad gave me a few months ago. I don't know what we would've done without it.

My trooper of a husband helping me even out the ground.

Almost through with the border, and it sat like this until yesterday when I finally finished it. I haven't downloaded that picture yet.

Fun at swim class!

We only have two more classes left in our swim class session. Bummer! I've absolutely loved every second of our class, even though Gabriel has had some rough days here and there. It's an amazing thing to watch your child mature, and I can't describe the feeling of pride I get watching him learn new things. He's finally kicking, and also has learned to walk himself along the side of the pool. His underwater count is stuck at 5 seconds, but on the jumps when I let go of him he's moving his arms and kicking with perfect form (according to Miss Andrea, our excellent instructor). His favorite thing to do is float on his back. He has a little trouble completely relaxing in class, but he's become an expert floater in the bathtub. We're hoping to take him swimming at least a couple of times this summer so we can keep working with him. But then we won't be getting back into a pool until next January. Until then I'll be singing our songs and working with him in the tub, and hopefully he'll be swimming like a fishie after the first couple of lessons next session.

New toy, but no time to play

Jav and I invested in our new computer last weekend. It's a MacBook Pro, and looks so inviting. Problem is we haven't had time to even open the box, let alone start the process of transferring data and learning how Macs work (this is our first one). But at least the air is brimming with all sorts of lovely technical possibilities, and alot more speed.

The merry, merry month of May

Our busiest month is, without a doubt, May. Forget the holidays. This month trumps them by a long shot. We have a ton of birthdays, our anniversary, and Mother's Day that all fall within the same week every year. This week I have our book club on Wednesday, anniversary dinner with my wonderful hubby on Thursday, Grace's birthday party on Saturday, then my Mom and Dad over for lunch Sunday, and dinner at my sister-in-law's for Jav's Mom early Sunday evening. Yikes!

Plus this year the following week is still pretty hectic. Gabriel and I are going to Fredericksburg with my Mom from the 14th to the 16th, the family's coming for lunch on the 17th, and we're supposed to go out with friends that same night. Double Yikes!

We are so blessed to have so much family and so many friends that live close, and I'm learning that instead of panicking when I look at the calendar, to look forward to each and every event. Yes, we'll be tired here and there, but we'll also have loads of fun and some great new memories to reminisce about.

So far it looks like things slow up a little towards the last week and weekend of the month, with nothing planned so far on Memorial Day weekend. The only thing I'm planning is yardwork and naps.

Blowing in the wind

What's the deal with the wind this year? I feel like I'm living on the beach, but without the added benefit of having the ocean within walking distance. It seems like I'm picking up small tree branches from the yard every other day. We have two wind chimes on our back porch, which I like the sound of very much. UNLESS it's blowing a gale force wind, and then they drive me crazy. They have spent more time laying on the patio table then hanging from their posts this year.

I used to have really bad anxiety attacks when it was really windy. I think it's because I have a very ingrained fear of fire, and because wind spreads fire, I also fear wind. When I was little we were driving to visit my grandfather in the hospital once, which was a little traumatic in itself. But we had been seeing this huge plume of smoke for miles while we were driving. Eventually we came to the source. A small house was completely enveloped in flames. That, coupled with the fact that the forest fire in Bambi completely freaked me out as a kid has led to this worry. When I used to get the panic attacks really bad, I was always driving somewhere or traveling sort of far away from my house, so I would worry that my house was on fire (with pets inside) while I was gone.

I still get them occasionally. These days, it's not just the wind that causes the anxiety attacks, it's all the stuff I worry about culminating into one big panic. Mostly environmental fears - running out of water one day, the temperature going up so high that no one can venture outside, overpopulation getting so bad that we have no wild animals left anywhere in the world. You know, little stuff like that. (hah). Stuff I have pretty much no control over at all. Hence the panic. Life can be tough sometimes when you are a control freak.

PrairieFest

We had a wonderful early evening at the 3rd Annual Prairie Fest Saturday night. It went on all day, but we didn't get there until 5:30 or so. We (includes me, Jav, Aunt Sandie and Gabriel) wanted to hear Brave Combo play from 6 to 7:30. I wish we'd have gone a little earlier, though, because we didn't have time to walk all the booths before they started closing down for the day. There were lots of environmentally friendly businesses, organic gardening booths, artists, food and local brewed beer. Very cool. Me being the Earth Mama that I am, I felt very much in my element. They were conducting tours of the grassland prairie up until dark. We hiked a short distance (it probably seemed long to Gabriel's stubby legs), and saw some beautiful wildflowers and some fantastic views of Fort Worth. And OF COURSE we forgot to bring a camera. It might have been the prettiest weather we'll see all year - and was definitely perfect for polka-ing, which Gabriel and I did several times. We saw people from church, people from our neighborhood, and lots of people dancing like fools. FUN, FUN, and more FUN!!! We will definitely go back next year.

Butcher job

Our energy company contracted with the city of Fort Worth to trim trees around power lines. We got a card on our door one day that the company would be in our neighborhood on such and such day (which turned out to be the wrong day), and we needed to give them access to our backyard if they needed it to do their work. Being a good little citizen, it never occurred to me to refuse them access, and it never occurred to me that they would do a bad job. But they did. According to the energy company (Oncor), the trees were to be trimmed to 10 feet on either side of the lines. Well, maybe the picture doesn't tell how bad it is, but they took off 20 feet or more on our side. Instead of trimming the ends of branches to the required distance (which would have taken more time), they chopped off every offending limb at the tree trunk, leaving an ugly, stripped look. And leaving us with much less shade in our backyard now. Now, I'm not a tree trimming expert, but if you shave off all the big limbs on only one side of a tall tree, doesn't that make it even more prone to be off-balance and fall? We're especially worried about the neighbors' tree, which now looks like it might topple over at any minute. (The tree on the far right of the picture). I asked our Neighborhood Association President who to complain to, and he said the city Forestry Service, our city council representative, and the mayor's office. So I think I will. It's not like they can come out and stick the limbs back on, though, can they?

Mama Janie's legacy

Aunt Gena's pillowcase.

Susan's lovely handiwork.

The whole picture, with Mama Janie's purple based pattern in all of it's glory.

My great grandmother was a quilter, along with several of her friends in Merkel, Texas. I've been lucky enough to have several of her quilts handed down to me. For years I kept them in the cedar chest I also inherited from her. Then four years ago when Jav and I got married, my good friend and adopted Mom Susan made a quilt for us for a wedding gift. It's beautiful bright green shades, and just makes me think "springtime". I wanted to use it as part of our spring and summer bedding, but it wasn't quite big enough for a bedspread. Then I thought of Mama Janie's quilts. I've been rotating the two bigger ones I had and using Susan's while I watch TV or nap. It makes me feel so happy to know that I'm actually using them instead of letting them slowly deteriorate in a cedar chest. It really makes me smile to see Gabriel frolicking on them, which he does often now that his favorite place to be in the house is on top of our bed. I also switch pillowcases when Spring gets here, and use the two yellow embroidered pillowcases my Great Aunt Gena stitched for us as a wedding gift. It's all much better than any store bought bedding, and has so much more sentimental value!

Another movie review

Michael Clayton was not what I expected. I'm not sure what I expected, but my expectations about thinking I'd like it were low. Boy, was I blown away! I will try not to be a spoiler if you haven't seen it. What an opening to a movie! I knew the ramblings of Tom Wilkinson would be important later, and tried to really pay attention. But I still ended up going online to find out exactly what he said after we finished the movie. And then I thought, oh no, another movie that tells the story backwards. I thought I was tired of that concept. But they really pulled it off here. I had heard that it moved really slowly, but I completely disagree. The thing is, I like thinking movies, where there's a great deal of talking and you really have to pay attention. The dialogue drives the plot in Michael Clayton for the most part, not the action. So I loved this movie and found it really suspenseful.

I think they got the Oscar wrong, though. Tilda Swinton won for her role as the lead cutthroat attorney for the big, mean corporation in the movie. She was good, but I thought Clooney, as the downtrodden former trial lawyer was better. Clooney's face spoke even more than his words. He was able to convey a huge unspoken range of emotion. And I thought Tom Wilkinson out-acted both of them. His performance wowed me so much that I want to look up all of his movies and start watching them one by one. I also think this movie should have won for original screenplay, even though I admit that I haven't seen the winner, Juno, yet. Focusing on the law firm representing the big, mean corporation, and whether or not they are liable for doing so, was such an original idea. Or at least was done originally. I know there have been a few movies before this one along the same line, but I don't remember any of them being as smart as this one.

On a side note, one of my favorite scenes in the movie was between Clooney and his young son Henry, played by 11-year old Austin Williams. He is trying to tell his son that he will never have to worry about being like his uncle Timmy, a drug addict, because he has such a big heart. I looked over at Jav and saw that he had tears in his eyes during the scene, and so did I. It made me wonder if we would have found the scene as moving if we didn't have a child.

We're still so behind on this last year's Oscar nominees. We need to watch Juno, Atonement and There Will Be Blood to get caught up.

This doesn't make sense

Why is it that the new energy efficient lightbulbs come in non-recyclable packaging?

Our new Molly

Molly ponders the perks of being in a one-dog family.

Ever since we lost our sweet Stanley last August, we have been amazed at the changes in Molly. Apparently she was so competitive for our attention while Stanley was around that we never knew her true personality. She seems so mellow now in comparison. So much less jumping and hyperactivity, although she still doesn't understand our need for personal space and wants to be sidled right up agin' us if we're anywhere near the floor. She also has reduced her barking at every little thing, so we guess that also was a competitive thing with Stanley. She is a terrific watchdog now, and it's so comforting to know no one in their right mind would ever thinking about coming into our yard or house with that huge, growly and vicious-sounding bark.

She has trouble with other Alpha dogs. I've tried the dog park, and she is so nervous she never can loosen up to have any fun. The second trip she got aggressive with a much smaller dog. It was embarrassing, considering everyone was already watching her closely just because of her size and Rottweiler looks. I'm not sure that she'll ever enjoy it, but I'm going to get a book on trying to get her used to being around other dogs and see where that takes us.

The neatest thing about Molly is her temperament with Gabriel. I knew that it was risky to bring her home from the streets, not knowing her background at all. But who would have thought that she would end up being the perfect kid dog? He crawls all over her, tries to ride her like a horse, pulls her ears and her tail. She never minds any of it, in fact she loves the attention. The best thing is when he hugs and pets her with his head down on her back. They have become best buddies. God was watching out for me when he brought her into my life.

Changing every day

Gabriel is growing up by leaps and bounds. I know this is good, this is what he's supposed to be doing. But I can't keep up! He's not a baby anymore and I am a little saddened by that. I am truly amazed while I watch him storming about the backyard, and wonder how this tall toddler got here so quickly. He had his 18-month checkup this week and he is still in the 97th percentile on weight, off the chart on head size, but he dipped down to 93 on height. He's still very proportional, though. I wish I could freeze-frame his very huggy personality right now. He blows kisses at everyone and spontaneously hugs all of us all the time. These pictures were taken on a gorgeous late winter day while he was discovering the little purple flowers that come up in our yard. My sweet and wonderful little man!

The best medicine - live and in person

If you heard someone screaming with glee last Sunday morning around 10am, that was me in the Target parking lot. Jav had just called to let me know that his sister got our tickets to see Eddie Izzard play the Majestic Theater on June 5th. I have been hoping he would do a US tour since I first laid eyes on him, just after Jav and I started dating in 2003. The first round of gleeful screaming started Friday morning when I got my Ticketmaster update and saw his name, although it was very quiet screaming since Gabriel was still asleep. I immediately joined his fan club to see if we could get the password for the Presale, and lo and behold they sent me an email later that afternoon with that very thing. Then the screaming turned into silent trepidation when they only had single tickets available for Presale. We all hoped that they had only put aside part of the tickets for Presale, but started talking about possibly doing a road trip to Austin (where he's doing three shows) if the one Dallas show was sold out. But it wasn't, and six of us happy campers will be sitting in the middle of the upper balcony laughing until tears run down our face and our dinners almost come back up.

What's all the fuss about? you may be asking yourself. Well, I think he's the funniest human being ON THE PLANET. I never much cared for stand-up before I saw him. Sandra (Jav's sister) had watched his HBO special and turned Jav and the rest of her family onto him. So Jav figured I would like him. And hearing that a cross-dressing Englishman who joked alot about history and religion sounded right up my alley. My Mom has also become a huge fan. I think he must have thought the time was finally ripe for a total US tour, after the success of The Riches on FX. The second season starts tonight, and our DVR is set up and ready to go. Eddie plays the head of a con artist family, with the excellent Minnie Driver as his wife. The first season was critically acclaimed, and I think did ok in the ratings. I'm sure he gained alot of new fans through the exposure, especially if they went out and rented any of his stand up DVD's, the set of which Jav got me for Christmas.

I haven't been this excited about a concert since I was going to sit on the floor for Van Halen in 1984.

Time is not on my side

The time change this past weekend is killing Jav and I. We can't get sleepy to go to bed at night, and we can't get up in the mornings. I feel like I did when Gabriel was still a little guy and not sleeping through the night. Gabriel, on the other hand, seems to have slipped back into a perfect sleep pattern. He has a little trouble going to sleep, but sleeps in mornings now almost an hour later than he was before the time change.

Who originally thought of this idea, anyway? I'd like to have a little chat with them. If I can stay awake.

No Country for Old Men - my review (finally)

I hesitated to see this. I think the Coen Brothers' movies are brilliant, but they are also so violent that I have to really get my brain ready to see one of their movies. And it was very worth the effort. These two just know how to make the total package: the scenery and look of the movie, the music, the story and the acting all fit together so beautifully. The plot for this one is simple and has been done so many times. You find a bunch of money, you decide to keep it, you think you can outsmart the rightful (?) owner. But Cormac McCarthy (the original author of the book) and the Coens (who wrote the screenplay) come through, making it all seem new and current.

Javier Bardem is just chilling. It makes you wonder if he had to spend a month at Disney World decompressing and feeling jolly again after he got finished with this role. But my two favorite performances are Tommy Lee Jones as the world weary sheriff trying to get to the good but greedy guy (Josh Brolin) before the bad guy gets to him, and Kelly MacDonald as the wife of the good but greedy guy. She is from Scotland and somehow masters the West Texas, trailer park-living, halfway given up on life drawl down to a tee.

The Coens' movies spoil you and turn you into a movie snob. You will find yourself thinking about the movie for weeks, maybe even months. My favorite Coen Bros. movie (and one of my favorites of all time) is still Miller's Crossing, about Irish and Italian Gang warfare in Prohibition Chicago. O Brother Where Art Thou, their deep South, bluegrass-ridden take on Homer's The Odyssey comes in a close second. I'll put No Country as a close third. Then the very wonderfully goofy The Big Lebowski, with Jeff Bridges as a stoner/bowler involved in a case of mistaken identity. Then Fargo - which is actually alot like No Country (but with snow) with it's sparse landscape, undertones of humor and extreme violence. Genius, genius, genius, genius and genius. I am so glad these guys are finally receiving their just rewards.

Doing absolutely nothing

Yesterday the weather was beautiful. After Gabriel's nap, we had a quick snack and ventured outside, as we do on nice weather days. He has his little things around the yard he likes to do every day. He likes to walk up and down the small ramp leading up to our back garage door. He likes to visit his sandbox, even though I keep forgetting to get some sand for it. He goes to the two trees where we hang the hammock and bangs the chains around. He has a very special hill leading down to the neighbors' fence that he likes to walk down backwards (this always cracks me up). While doing all of this he is constantly on the lookout for airplanes, and loves pointing them out to me. I usually have a few things to do out there too, like pick up Molly-poop or fill up our birdbaths or weed the flower beds.

But yesterday was so nice, we found ourselves just lying in the new springy grass in the middle of our backyard. It felt so cool on our skin. Every once in awhile a cool breeze would blow. We just sat there and did nothing for a good twenty minutes, which is a small miracle for Gabriel. Eventually Molly and Henry came over and joined us in our lolling about. I tried to get Bones to come over too, but it was more effort than I wanted to exert so I quit. I have a tendency to be sort of manic and never stop moving, and I SO don't want Gabriel to inherit that trait. So it was wonderful to be able to just sit and enjoy being outside. And do absolutely nothing.

The yin and yang of musical tastes

I've been really enjoying listening to classical music all of sudden. I go through waves like this on and off, where that's almost all I'll listen to for awhile. I wonder if it's because something's going on that is stressing me out, and this music has a calming effect on me. I especially like listening while we're eating dinner and while I'm doing the dishes afterwards each evening. The program on at that time is Exploring Music, a syndicated show that takes a weekly topic and delves into it really deeply. I've heard some rare pieces from some of my favorite composers, and I've also liked things by composers I never had any interest in before. Last week all shows were devoted to Stravinsky. Listening made me want to go see a ballet. I like the show also because of all the history the host delves into in between the musical selections.

Oh my God I'm getting so old.

To counter this problem, I'm going a totally different direction in the car. I have Jav's Foo Fighters (the new one), that I love so much but it makes me want to drive fast. I have to make sure I exercise self control when Gabriel's in the car. And I also dug up an old cassette tape I haven't listened to in years - Utopia. Todd Rundgren is the only name I know, and I don't think the band lasted very long. But those of you of the same age group as me - remember the hysterically silly video for Feet Don't Fail Me Now, which I think was their only big hit? What a great song. I was singing at the top of my lungs and trying to dance and drive this morning, with Gabriel in the car. He had a genuine look of concern on his face.

TP Reports

When I went back to work recently, I talked myself into believing that a divine intervention had occurred. I mean, I never had to update my resume or look through want ads or fill out an application. Or have an interview, God forbid. Nope, just a little rearranging of kids and I was raring to go. Although I did have some trepidation. I left there very unhappy for a variety of reasons:

1. Some people in management positions were actually cheering global warming because it was good for business.

2. Management had also recently decreed a bunch of new rules, like you couldn't have more than five personal items in your office, no plants, and no radios.

3. I had very little in common with ANYONE I worked with. I went home for lunch every day, because on the odd day when I stayed for some reason or another, and had to eat with my fellow employees, I felt so lonely and not like anyone else that I just wanted to walk out of the door and never go back.

And, on some level, I must admit

4. I felt I was not living up to my full potential and could do so much better.

So you may be asking yourself, why on EARTH did you want to go back there?

1. It's easy work.

2. It pays well.

3. It works with my schedule and doesn't take me away from my kids for very long.

4. I know they will work with me if one of them gets sick.

Etcetera Etcetera.

And the craziest part of it is that at first I was actually sad that everyone thought of me as "the temp". I'm not included in office gossip. No one can ask me to lunch because I have to eat at my desk everyday due to time constraints. I'm not in on jokes that everyone else seems to get. The company is a family, and I'm just a 4th cousin who visits once a year and nobody can remember my name.

But after about a month, I had the pleasure of realizing how much I have grown up and changed since having my kids. This is a JOB. These people are not my family, or friends. They are work acquaintances. Yes, you spend most of your time with them. And although most of them are very nice people, that doesn't mean I want to be close friends with them. And yes, management does take care of their employees. But everything they do is for the good of the company, not for you. Sometimes the nice things almost felt like blackmail. For some reason, the following song lyric comes to mind: "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." Because here I am back again.

Now they want me to add another day to my two days a week. Make that, the owner wants me to add another day, but this time to help out Sales, who need someone to enter orders and who knows what else. I've seen that department chew up and spit out perfectly good and smart temps just because of a few errors entering orders. The Head of Sales has worked there longer than anyone besides the owner, and she is one of the hardest people to get along with I have ever met. She is childish, spoiled, and uses language that would make a sailor blush. And used to be a pretty good friend. See, there I go using that word again. Now I realize that she was never my friend.

And then also today I find out that the Head of Sales and my current boss are having some kind of squabble. There were doors slammed to offices and muffled shouting heard by those of us in the very open-air cubicles. So much for not being included. But now that I've been sick to my stomach all day after hearing that, I am kind of ready to walk away from the whole thing. Life - and in this case my time with my kids - is MUCH TOO SHORT.

My Waterbaby

Gabriel starts swim lessons for the first time Monday morning, and I get to take the lessons with him. We decided to go with Emler Swim School in Arlington because we got more bang for our buck there. He missed the first 6 weeks of a 20 week session, but they assure me that doesn't really matter at this age. We visited today so I could see the layout and sort of know what to expect, and I really liked what I saw and was impressed with the few people I met (they didn't have a class until later this afternoon). He's only been in a pool once, and it took him a really long time to relax, but I'm hoping seeing other kids moving around will give him courage. I can't wait to see how he reacts. I think it will end up being really fun for the two of us.

Free Spirits

I love my book club. It was my turn last night to have everyone over to eat and discuss my choice, The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton. I was just happy to find that they didn't want to kick me out since I've chosen two classics in a row now. I really wasn't expecting to have much of a discussion about the book since I even had trouble finishing it. But the exceptional members of our club surprised me, and we had a great discussion about all kinds of things relating to the story. We discussed how everyone wants to be in the "in" crowd, no matter what age or class you find yourself in. We talked about how difficult it would have been to have the mindset of your whole existance being dependent on catching a rich husband. And we compared notes on why we thought Lily Bart, the main character, made the choices she made in her life - even though those choices led to a tragic ending. (I was so sad at the end of the book that I couldn't even cry. I was just numb all over).

I was much happier, however, with how all the food turned out. I start thinking about food around the same time I choose my book. Since this was the early 1900's in New York, Christi jokingly asked at our last meeting if I was going to do a New England boiled dinner. When I researched the popular recipes at the time, however, that's exactly what I found - boiled meats, vegetables, everything. So I decided to do an updated (and slightly healthier) version of this. I served a rice and fruit salad, cranberry slow-cooker roast, mashed sweet potatoes, and Brussels sprouts with bacon and caraway seed. My Mom had the great idea of a bread pudding for dessert, so I found this really simple recipe for Cinnamon Bread Pudding with Caramel Sauce. The meal was a ton of work, but it's always so worth it when everything turns out well. I've decided that along with having experience in the kitchen, the two things you really need to be a good cook is 1) a sense of what will go together to make a great meal, and 2) knowing how to get everything ready and hot at the same time.

We are about to start our 5th year as a book club (WOW!), despite warnings from a previous member that it would be too hard for everyone to continue with the busy lives we all lead. But I've learned to make time to read and to make time for my book club meetings. They are so much fun and so important to keeping me sane in these days of singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and cracking up watching Mr. Noodle on Elmo's World every day. I can't wait until April's meeting, especially since I can kick back and just worry about eating and talking this time!