I can't keep up

Gabriel has matured in so many ways since he started walking I can't even keep up with them anymore. I never realized that opening that one developmental door would advance him in so many other ways. He can turn things on and off now, especially his noisier toys. He can open up certain doors in the house, which proves that he is getting taller by the day too. He can rip off his bib, which is his new clue to us that he is finished eating. It's been really amazing to watch how he fine tunes his communication skills, especially when it comes to what he likes and doesn't like. Anything he doesn't like is met with his very loud and whiny one syllable cry. This is his BAD noise. He has a much wider range for GOOD noises. Anything outside wins instant approval-it's all GOOD. Coming back inside is BAD. Putting on shoes and socks is BAD. Taking off shoes and socks is so GOOD it inspires giggles. Pasta, bread, cheese, peas, carrots, brocolli, sweet potatoes and all fruit is GOOD. Mushrooms, lunch meat, fish and cauliflower are BAD. In this case, the whiny noise is accompanied by a healthy toss of the offending food onto the floor.

The most interesting communication Gabriel has, though, is with the pets. Several weeks ago we realized that he has developed a language for Molly that he doesn't use with anybody else. It involves keeping his mouth closed while flicking his tongue off the roof of his mouth alot. This sounds a bit like Hindu chanting. We can't figure out if he is trying to emulate a barking sound, trying to say "Molly" over and over again, or if there is a deeper and more complex set of words being said. He has used this language around some of our neighbors' dogs, too, leading us to determine that it must be canine in nature.

On the opposite spectrum, his feline language is all very high-pitched, short noises. Mom hears this over the phone and says it sounds like a jungle bird, but I've decided to start calling it his Cat-Chasing Comanche War Cry. The most passionate of the cries come while he is actually chasing one of the cats, arms held out and slightly up. He especially likes to chase Zoe, probably because she will run away at first but then always comes back for more. She LOVES to play, even with a terrifying stumbling one-year-old.

So all in all, my child is now learning four languages: English, Spanish, Dog and Cat. Even though English still gets a little complicated sometimes. Every time we read Goodnight Moon before bed, we get to the pages that say "Goodnight stars, goodnight air", and Gabriel starts patting his head to tell his hair goodnight. The song from My Fair Lady, "Just you wait 'enry 'iggins, just you wait" always comes into my head when this happens. I knew all of that Harry Potter audio would turn him into an Anglophile!

The magic is over

I finally wrapped up Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows yesterday. I feel a bit like I have lost my best friends. But I loved the book. I have been thinking about why I like the series so much, and why I continue to try to get other adults to read it. I think it's because no other book or books have possessed me so since I was a kid. I have read many books over the years that I couldn't wait to open up at night, or that made me laugh and/or cry. But these books get into your soul. I could almost think about nothing else for the last few weeks. It's not just the complex world that Rowlings has created, but the complex characters and story. The black and white areas of "good" and "evil" have distinctive gray areas, and she wasn't afraid to tackle things like governments lying to their contituents, or media-bias. Sometimes people who seemed to be villains were actually heroes, and the heroes had many flaws when we got to know them better. I loved the concept of trusting and believing in your friends, especially in life and death matters. I love Hermione, with her love of books and learning and bushy hair - how could I not identify with her? Jav and I have been talking about the book over dinner every night (I was driving him crazy with all of my yes or no questions since he finishied the book weeks ago).

The only complaint I have is that I wish Rowlings could have published all the books before any of the movies were made. I like having the characters' faces in my head, but that's impossible once you've seen them in the movies. And the last couple of books had a tendency to seem like one fantastic movie scene after another. But this didn't take away from the narrative at all, to me.

I've been reading over my old posts in order to get everything labeled, and I came across this today. Well, I'm pretty impressed with Harry and his destiny, and with J.K. Rowling's vision. I can't wait to start reading them with Gabriel one day.

Padre trip

Even though the trip was not like I had pictured in my head, we had a good time on our beach trip. First off, I never realized how much work Jav and his parents did to spiffy up the condo each year. I tried to help out when I could, but still didn't feel like I helped very much. Secondly, the weather got pretty nasty the 2nd full day we were there. The front that hit Fort Worth made it all the way down south. The temperature dropped into the 60's with high winds, both of which made it pretty uncomfortable to stay outside for any length of time. Everybody thought to bring a jacket except me, so I bought a fleece pullover on one of our many trips into Port Isabel. One weird thing was that the ocean was really warm. We probably looked silly in our windbreakers and hats and shorts and flip flops, walking along in the water.

One of the cool things about the trip was the International Sandcastle Building competition, held at the Sheraton Hotel every year which is just down the beach from our condo. We took video of the winners since we didn't have the regular camera with us that first pretty day. Another cool thing was that I realized how much I like and get along with my inlaws. They have become family to me; they are such a big help with Gabriel, and I'm so lucky to have them. We all watched the finale of a Mexico-version of American Idol that they had been keeping up with, and we had such a good time together.

Gabriel has decided he likes the ocean. He was afraid the first day and preferred digging (ok-mostly eating) the sand on the beach. But that afternoon he watched a little girl who was a few months older than him playing in the water. She was a native and learned how to walk on the beach. I guess this made Gabriel think, "Well, if she can do that, so can I", and he liked the waves after that.

Jav and I got to have one dinner out, which was funny because we couldn't find a place to go. ALOT of restaurants close up on the island, so we went back over the bridge to Port Isabel, just driving around in the relentless wind looking for a good seafood place. We ended up eating at a big tourist trap right at the base of the bridge, but they had good food and good magaritas. One sad thing that happened was that there was an injured pelican hopping along on the bridge when we crossed back over. He apparantly couldn't fly, and I wanted to stop and help him somehow, but it was too dangerous to stop on the bridge. I thought about him for a long time, and hoped that someone else figured out how to help him that night.

When we left early in the morning to come back home, the full moon was shining on the bay. It was just beautiful and I was sad to be leaving the ocean. And on the way home we drove right through the Monarch butterfly migration route. For about 7 or 8 minutes we saw one every 15 to 30 seconds. They must have some pretty good radar because they seemed to float higher than the car whenever we approached. I think we only ended up hitting one of them, which made me feel so bad. I wondered how many people driving down that highway even noticed them. When I think about the thousands of miles they have to travel, the trip to Padre doesn't seem that bad after all.

Heading down to the beach.

Still not quite sure about this ocean thing.

OK-I've decided it's pretty darn fun.

Especially since I'm with Tita and Tito.

Chillin' in the condo.

Woof-wonderful

Mom and I took Molly and Hannah (her border collie mix) to the Fort Woof Dog Park for the first time today. (Why don't I ever think to bring the camera for things like this?) The dogs were a little nervous and didn't quite know what to think about being off a leash and allowed to run rampant with a bunch of other dogs. The setup there is great. There are several faucets with large buckets full of water under them for all the dogs to drink. And there are strategically placed baggie dispensers with wooden waste bins underneath to help pick up after the pooches. I was a little worried about Molly getting aggressive towards the other dogs, but her hackles only went up one time, and then she and the other dog must have worked something out. She actually stayed pretty close to me the whole time, so we never even made it back to the back of the park where the obstacle course area is. There must have been around 25 big dogs galumphing around at one point, and this was during a weekday! I can't imagine what the place is like on the weekends. I was having such a good time watching all the different breeds and being proud of my Molly-girl that I didn't really want to leave. But Mom pointed out that the girls were exhausted from all the stress of this first time, so we packed up and went home. We all can't wait to go again!

Walking on the beach

I had a mother's instinct that Gabriel would start walking on our trip, and lo and behold I was right. At exactly 13 months to the day he started taking 5 or 6 steps on his own to reach either his toys or his grandmother. If I can ever remember to walk in here with the camera I'll download the pictures.

And after our family get-together last Saturday, Macy and Cade inspired him to start making the trek across entire rooms. He doesn't want to stay in his room and play anymore, and has been waking up early so that he can start marching about the house again.

I can't even believe it when I look at him. What happened to my little baby boy?

Busy Bees

We have been so busy lately, which is my excuse for not posting in such a long time. We had Gabriel's birthday party on September 29th. The following Wednesday, I had the book club over for dinner and discussion of ,"A Passage to India" by E.M. Forster. Then I was asked to help out with our Neighborhood Association newsletter when the woman who works on it dislocated her shoulder. I ended up over at her house helping six different days over the course of two weeks. A couple of those times I had Gabriel, who just decided to enter his, "I want Mommy, or maybe Daddy, and no one else" stage, which was fun to deal with. I've learned that a newsletter, or at least a good one, is alot more work than I realized! But I really enjoyed myself, met some wonderful ladies, and will hopefully get to help out some next month too.

We put up Halloween decorations the Sunday before last, which ended up taking almost all day, but we had a blast doing it. Then we went to Lufkin for the day to visit a family friend last Saturday (what a gorgeous day for a road trip), and finally celebrated Jav's birthday at his sister's on Sunday. We visited my friend Cobra Monday. We had our Neighborhood Association meeting Tuesday night. And now we are about to head for the beach (Padre) this coming Saturday, and I haven't even begun to pack anything yet.

AND in between all of this, I'm trying to listen to the last Harry Potter book in the car. My poor son will probably speak with an English accent for the rest of his life because I have been OBSESSED with finishing before we left for our trip. But the realization hit me today that not only am I missing out on some fun, quality time with Gabriel in the car, but also that I want to make this book last as long as possible. So with three and a half CD's to go, I am putting it aside until we return. Which took more willpower than anything I've ever tried to do, or not do, before.

Eventually I will get around to posting some Gabriel party pictures, Lufkin trip pictures, and hopefully we'll get some good beach ones too. Coming up after that we have Halloween, a trip to Fredericksburg with my Mom and Gabriel, and then somehow Thanksgiving has creeped up on us and we'll be heading off for Pennsylvania. Oh, and speaking of bees, that's what Gabriel's going to be for Halloween. I'm sure this will come up in one of his therapy sessions later in life, but he loves it when I make my bee buzz noise, so it seemed like the best choice.

A low in the 50's

My thermometer said 59 this morning. Finally, a break from this Fall heat wave! I actually turned off the A/C and had the windows open all day, although it's pretty stuffy now.

The oak tree leaves are falling off much earlier than in years past. I read in Neil Sperry's column it's because of the severe drought for a few years, then a very rainy spring and summer. It's just wrong to have to rake leaves when it's above 80 degrees!

We've been watching the squirrels alot lately. They started out digging up pecans and eating them. Now they are burying new ones. They've gotten very bold about coming down from the trees into our yard, sometimes right in front of Molly. She usually ignores them, although once she immediately dug up the pecan that the squirrel had so carefully buried and ate it. Gabriel notices them all the time running across the electrical wires and moving around the tree branches.

All of a sudden, there are no cardinals in our yard. I did a tiny amount of research to try and find out if they migrate, and so far all of the sites say they are non-migratory. When I did the post a while back about seeing the hawks in our neighborhood and how neat they were, I should have done an addendum post. One of the neighborhood gentlemen who also walks in the mornings told me soon after I did the post that he can't stand having them in our area because they've taken to eating the cardinals and blue jays. These are the birds that stand out to them in daylight. I was pretty upset, and still am not really sure who to root for. After all, the hawks have to eat too. But they better not have come after the cardinals around our yard!

Introduction to the Great Game

We took Gabriel to his first Ranger game on September 22nd. He had a fan club of Jav and I, both grandmothers (Tita and Mamaw), and his Tia Sandie. Everyone in attendance loves to go to Ranger games, so hopefully the excitement rubbed off on Gabriel. We really debated about whether or not we should take him to the Saturday night game, or the Sunday afternoon game. We decided on Saturday night since the daytime temps were still hitting the mid-90's, which is no fun when you are sitting in the sun at a Ranger game.

First thing on our agenda was a new Ranger cap, courtesy of Tia Sandie. The infant ones didn't fit his big 'ole head, but the toddler size seemed comfortable for the approximate minute that he left it on without protest. We found our seats (third level, just to the left of home plate), and you could just see that little brain taking everything in. We had missed the top of the first, and the Rangers were already behind the Orioles 2 - 0. We missed the bottom of the first taking tons of pictures, with and without cap.

Gabriel must have been a little tired all the way through, because he didn't squirm around much. He just sat contentedly in whoever's lap he had been passed, watching the surrounding kids, listening to all the music in between innings and snacking on crackers and "Nilla Wafers. Every once in awhile he even seemed to notice the little men running around on the field. There was another 1-year-old sitting right behind us who was also at his first game. He had learned how to clap and say "Yay!!", which I think Gabriel was a little jealous of. Gabriel's new trick was handing things to us so that we could say an exaggerated "thank you" and watch him just beam with happiness.

At the start of the 5th inning and with the Rangers having pulled ahead, our happy caravan headed home. The Rangers ended up losing the game 9-11, but we all had a great time. Gabriel told me in his own special way that he can't wait for baseball season to start up next year and is practicing his numbers by counting down the days to the beginning of Ranger Spring Training.

First Ranger Game

Stanley's Garden

I wanted to do something special to remember Stanley, and decided that planting something would be the best way to go. Originally I thought about a tree, but we already planted a tree this year. I decided to take the spot where I had my herb garden and make a new garden. I wanted mostly perennials so that it would seem more permanent. I had been planning and arranging and changing my mind for a couple of weeks. When I finally found some Turk's Cap at Lowe's I knew I had my design started. I also decided after wandering around several nurseries that a trellis would be pretty in the spot, so I bought some Sweet Autumn Clematis. My Mom and Dad, wanting to help out to preserve their grand-dog's memory, contributed for the trellis. We already had our St. Francis statue, and I knew I wanted to use it in the spot somehow. What greater symbol than the Patron Saint of animals for Stanley's Garden?

Two Saturdays ago I got down to work. I wanted to dig down a foot and mix the existing soil with some organic compost. I also had some great earthworm-filled dirt from my big bucket of oregano that had been growing for a couple of years that I mixed in also. This was much harder work than I have done in a LONG time, and I realized I've let myself get pretty out of shape since I had Gabriel. But it felt so good to be outside, sweating, and working really hard, especially for a good reason. I worked for four and a half hours (thanks to Jav for watching Gabriel all morning!), and I'm just so proud of the way it turned out. This was my first attempt to design a garden, and I think it went pretty well.

Garden pictures

I had been searching for Turk's Cap since spring, and didn't realize the nurseries don't offer it until late summer or fall. Even then, there wasn't much left when I got there. I'd love to find someplace to plant more next year. I can already tell how hardy it is.
I want to add some smaller annuals along the front each season, starting with mums within a few weeks.
The happy trellis. I feel so peaceful everytime I look at the garden. What a great way to remember my faithful sweet Stanley.

Little man of steel

My son is standing and swiveling me around in the desk chair and laughing gleefully as I try to type.

The golden hour

Gabriel and I don't have much of a schedule, other than feeding and nap times. These stay relatively the same every day. We try to walk Molly in the morning, but only because it's still so dang hot right now. Later when cooler weather hits we can walk her anytime during the day. I used to run errands before lunch every day (once again, because of the hot weather), but now that's pretty flexible too. So our day waxes and wanes depending on what I'm trying to get done, with the occasional doctor appointment or pressing something-or-other thrown in.

My day has gotten easier as Gabriel has matured. I have more time to do chores or laundry while he plays on his own, or I can bring a bunch of toys with me into the room I need to work in, and Gabriel and I will play while I'm getting things done. Most of the housework gets done during the week this way. None of our day is too rushed or stressful, but I stay pretty busy. That is, until about 5 or so. Without a doubt my favorite time of the day is the hour or so before I start dinner, Gabriel watches one of his Baby Einstein DVDs, and we know Jav is on his way home from work.

Many days we'll spend this time outside (if the mosquitoes don't drive us in the house), languishing on a quilt and listening for different birds. Molly's always out with us, chewing on her sticks, and not even pausing every now and then when Gabriel wants to climb on her for a little while. Bones is also out with us, and lately Henry's been joining us too. Sometimes I'll fake being asleep, which always gets Gabriel to laugh and then come poke me in the belly button to wake me up. Sometimes we'll play my version of "Airplane", with me holding Gabriel with his belly balanced on top of my head while I whirl in circles. Sometimes I'll carry him around the yard looking for bugs or different leaves or flowers. He loves to swing at the wind chimes, and now gets upset if I forget them.

Last Friday we hung out in the family room with any toy he has with wheels. He all of a sudden likes to push cars or trucks or trains on my great grandmother's old cedar chest, the top of which was scratched up and water damaged years ago. I just sit and marvel at how much of a little boy he has turned into, and wonder about how fast my little baby boy is growing up. I had my Ipod playing too, and a couple of times I'd yank him up and we'd take a turn about the dance floor, even remembering how to two-step, which I haven't done in awhile. It's just blissful to get to spend time with him like this. Really lazy, unhurried time. Plus we know Jav is on his way home, which is another reason to feel happy. It's the best time of the day.

Happy Birthday Gabriel-your first year has flown by!

I want to remember...

his little dimples in his hands, and watching him open and close his fingers when he felt different fabrics and textures.

his rocking back and forth on his hands and knees, and then standing on his hands and tippy toes trying with all his might to move forward instead of backward.

his arms flapping up and down with excitement anytime any or all of the pets were around, and especially all of his time with Stanley.

his little mouth making an "o" with his lips wrapped around his gums everytime he really wanted to tell us something.

his face, even though every morning he resembled a different member of the family when he woke up - my brother, Jav's sister, both of our Dads, his cousin Cade, but always with Jav's cheeks.

his smile first thing every morning when I walked into his room, or when he was proud about something new he had learned.

his laugh, right from the belly, first when the cats came into his room chasing the tape measure, and then when I danced a little jig over and over again, then later when his grandmother tossed the ball up in the air and caught it again and again.

his crazy bunny hop crawling.

his lip that would stand out a mile long when he got really upset, really fast.

his fingers which he would hold with his other hand and stretch his arms over his head.

his voice, crying "ma ma ma ma ma" when he wanted anything at all, and his constant humming through meals.

his bashful pose that he still does anytime we squeeze Rubber Duckie, with his shoulders hunched forward and his head down.

his need to pat his chest or tummy every time he sings, and now his need to pat us to make us sings too.

his sweet baby smell, coming from his head while I read him a book in my lap.

his warmth, feeling his head against my chest and his arms around my neck as I rocked him to sleep.

To sign or not to sign

Our neighborhood is right in the middle of the Urban Gas Drilling controversy. We've received one letter asking us to sign a 5-year lease. Then, another letter explaining that the drilling that will be taking place in the Tandy Hills nature area will be moving forward with the utmost regard for the environmental concerns that the residents are all voicing. Our neighborhood association President has thrown himself into this debate (as he throws himself into every issue in our neighborhood), and is on a Task Force to get all of our questions answered. Jav added me to his email list after deciding that I would be very interested in everything that's going on.

He was right! After reading the three email he sent out today regarding the matter, I am now leaning towards fighting any drilling at all, especially in an area that is one of the last pure Texas prairie grasslands. I love the beauty of this state more and more as the years go by, and appreciate the uniqueness of that beauty.

Here is the article that our President forwarded that really sums up what I think about the whole thing.

Mammoth project

I am currently trying to get through 12 or 13 years of packets of pictures. I have a huge box that I have been dumping the pictures in every time I was done looking at them. Then when we moved I added any framed photos that I had collected through the years. After I got through the first three envelopes (which included throwing away at least 3/4 of the pictures, labeling and filing the rest in a photo box), the project I thought would take years to finish is really moving along. I have committed to go through at least one pack a day.

The second part of the project is downloading the good, keepable pictures from the C/D's from each packet (only from the last six years or so) to our computer. Haven't started that task yet.

And the final part will be taking the sorted pictures and putting them either into photo albums or (gasp) scrapbooks. I am not a good scrapbooker. I think they are really cool when done without too much kitsch (is that how to spell it?). I don't think I have the time or patience for it. But because I have illusions of grandeur about what I can do, I am planning to make at least three rudimentary scrapbooks, one for Gabriel's first year, one for our 40-year-old girls Fredericksburg trip, and one for Stanley.

I'm also picking out special pictures to start a gallery of family photos up and down our hallway. There will be current family, pets, and a section of really old family photos. I have some wonderful old photos of my maternal grandparents as children with their brothers and sisters, and then as newlyweds. I also have a box of paternal grandparent photos that I need to go through and see what I can salvage. I'm afraid they spent too many years in my parents outdoor storage building getting ruined in the heat. I'm trying to get Jav to get pictures from his Mom so it won't just be my side of the family up and down the hall. It's weird how the sons don't seem to keep the nostalgic things around as much as the daughters of the family.

It's really hard to not get caught up in reminiscing while looking through the pictures. This has a tendency to make me very nostalgic and emotional, which can hold up the whole process. But other than that I'm making pretty good time and hope to be finished by the end of the year.

Obsession

Jav and I have become obsessed with our 2 hours at night we get to relax and watch TV with no baby or pets interrupting. Actually, make that just no baby, the pets are still jumping on the bed or meowing for food or needing to go outside. But anyway, we are so serious about this time that we spent an hour or so looking over the article in the Star Telegram Sunday about new and returning shows. We decided to pick out a couple of new ones to start taping each week. Our show count dropped now that Sopranos, Big Love and Flight of the Conchords are finished. Here's what we decided:

-Saving Grace - we'll finish out the season

-The Office, which has been a favorite for the past couple of years.

-Top Chef/Project Runway (Top Chef has 3 or so more weeks, and I'm not sure when Project Runway starts).

-Heroes. We just started slowly watching last season and are trying to figure out a way to speed up the process so we can start enjoying Season 2 once it starts. Right now we're only watching two episodes a week.

These next three will probably not all make it. We plan to pick at least one and maybe two from this list of new shows:

-Dirty Sexy Money. Another mob show, and you gotta love Peter Krauss, so we have to try it.

-Cane. This is supposed to harken back to the Dynasty days, only much better writing and acting. It's about a sugar cane plantation owning family. It has a great cast including Jimmy Smits, Rita Moreno and Hector Elizondo.

-Pushing Daisies. The critics are all saying this will be the best new show of the season. It's about a guy who can save a person's or animal's (or even plant's I think) life by just touching them. The only problem is he has to pick out someone or something else to die instead.

And finally, our guilty pleasure - The Great American Band Contest on Fox.

Oh, and we decided to start taping all Seinfelds, just because they're so great and there's a bunch I never saw midway through the run.

And just in case anyone thinks I've become a TV addict, I also try to read for a half hour after we turn off the dreaded contraption every night.

Match Point

This is the first time I've ever watched the U.S. Open starting from Round 1 (gotta love the DVR!). I've seen a few entire matches, but mostly some highlights or endings of almost every major match. It really does build the momentum of the tournament when you watch the whole thing and recognize the players. I'm happy Venus is still in it, but there are no American men still standing. I think I like watching the females better, anyway. The matches just seem to move quicker and the players seem more evenly matched, which makes for more exciting games. I had been rooting for an Israeli player named Shahar Peer, but she was beat by a 20-year-old Russian named Anna Chakvetadze, who is playing another Russian (Kuznetsova) for the finals today. On the men's side, American James Blakes's matches were legendary, as usual, even though he finally lost to German Tommy Haas. I'm now rooting for Serbian Novak Djokovic. I like the way he plays, and he has a charming attitude to match. Alot of big names were beat by virtual unknowns, which made things really interesting.

I have tennis fever in my blood, with my Dad having played for years and years (he was good enough to compete in amateur tournaments, but never did), my Mom played for years too, and my great Uncle Robert was still playing in his 60's. His knees and back finally gave out, but he still watches with a passion. One day I'll be inspired to pick up my racket again, only I really need some lessons to unlearn all the bad habits I've picked up.

Moving in the same circles

Jav and I realized early on that we spent five years of our youth at very close proximity without ever meeting. From 1976 to 1980, we lived one street over from his family. Their house backed up to the house that was across the street from us. Maybe we saw Jav or Sandra, but I don't remember it. We pretty much kept to the kids on our street, and they to theirs.

Then the other day we happened to be driving down Lancaster, which has changed so much since we were kids. My grandmother, Mom and I used to head down to our favorite shopping center several times a week in the afternoons. We would have pie or custard at Wyatt's Cafeteria, my grandmother and Mom would shop at Monnig's Department Store, and I would love walking over to Mott's Five and Dime or Skillern's Drug Store. Sometimes we'd go to Cloth World to look at patterns or thread or buttons.

I was relaying all of this nostalgia to Jav, and he remembered that his Mom used to take Sandra and he to the same stores in the afternoons after school. They didn't hit Wyatt's very often, but his mother would shop at Monnig's while he and Sandra goofed around in Mott's. We both reminisced about where everything was in Mott's - the toys, the baseball cards-I can remember the layout like the back of my hand. Jav also remember that he HATED having to wait for his Mom in Cloth World, the most boring place in the world to a 10-year-old boy.

We decided we just had to have been in the same place at the same time long before we ever officially met.

Songs

Gabriel has become accustomed to my singing, and especially to me singing certain songs. It's weird how fast certain songs fell into my repertoire and never left. Some songs have alot of historical value to me, and some just sort of happened.

I sing to him when he wakes up (Good Morning from Singin' in the Rain, Oh What A Beautiful Morning from Oklahoma, Zip A Dee Doo Dah, or It's A Jolly Holiday from Mary Poppins).

I sing to him before naps (I'm Only Sleeping by the Beatles, On the Good Ship Lollipop (which I remember my grandparents singing to me every time I spent the night at their house), The Candy Man, and Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head while it was raining every day) For some reason, nap songs have to have some bounce to them. He goes right to sleep with a little bounce.

I sing to him in the car - whatever is in the CD player or comes up on the IPOD.

I sing to him at night, if Jav doesn't get him right to sleep (humming my favorite Nocturne by Chopin that makes a great lullaby, Stay Awake from Mary Poppins, Walking After Midnight by Patsy Cline, and Till There Was You by the Beatles, and an old lullaby my Mom used to sing to my brother and me, All Through The Night)

When he was three months old, it was just before Christmas, so I would sing every Christmas carol I know to him. My favorites were Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (LOVE that song) and Everybody's Waitin' For The Man With The Bag (very good and bouncy for naps). I can't believe it's almost time to sing those again.

Because I sing the same songs at the same time every day, it puts him in "the zone" to sleep. Lately I've tried to throw some new ones in (Sweet Baby James by James Taylor and a couple of others) and they don't put him in the zone. Maybe I need to add them in heavier rotation until they catch on. I wonder if he will remember any of these, or if he hears one later on in life, I wonder if something about it will make him nostalgic without really knowing why.

I guess the only reason for this posting is so that I will remember. Since Jav took over giving Gabriel his last bottle and putting him to bed about 3 months ago, I had already forgotten about the Chopin lullaby until I listened to my Chopin CD the other day and started bawling. Things change mighty fast these days.

Summer fun

Why can't everyone think like Sesame Street?

This song plays on Gabriel's Sesame Street 25th anniversary DVD. I love what it's saying and it never fails to make me cry.

Piano lessons

Every once in awhile I get to listen to Selected Shorts on NPR, where famous short stories are read by actors. It's always a good listen. The one last Sunday night was called Simple Exercises for the Beginning Student by Alex Ohlin. It was about an 8-year-old boy whose parents were having marital problems, but he found solace in taking piano lessons. The descriptions of the piano teacher, the way she wrote out the pieces he was to practice that week in very meticulous handwriting in a little notebook he kept, the nervousness of the boy as he realized how little he had practiced all week..all of this brought back so many memories.

I really feel like I should be thumped in the head sometimes for squandering away the gift my grandparents gave me (they paid for my lessons) for nine years. I don't really remember if I liked taking piano or not. I know I didn't practice enough, just the bare minimum to get by at the next lesson. I was always really nervous before recitals, and once completely went blank about halfway through a piece. I'll never forget that music, or how horrible that moment was. I paused for what seemed like hours to me (it was probably only seconds), went back and started again and made it through the second time. I guess I had many recital experiences that were pretty good, but it's always the bad moments you remember more.

I remember wishing I could write in cursive the way my teacher, Mrs. Sills, did. She was so patient with me, and even though I'm sure she knew I didn't practice very much, she never said anything more severe than, "I hope you'll practice more this week,." when it came time for me to leave. The piano was in her very formal living room, and it was always so quiet in her house. I remember that the next student would come in and sit on the sofa waiting for me to finish, and I would think, "Ha ha-you've still got to do your lesson, but I'm almost finished and get to go home." I think the lessons were hard for me to get through because I knew on some level that I was disappointing her - not living up to my potential.

I've seen Mrs. Sills occasionally through the years and once she asked me if I still played. I was so embarrassed to tell her not really. I think if I had a piano I would play. When I think about it now I wish I would have practiced and paid attention more. I heard recently that Mrs. Sills was ill, and I said a little prayer for her.

The last sad post for awhile

I was feeling a bit happier today, and was trying to catch up on some good blog reading that I've gotten behind on. First I read this poem in Kathy's, which made me feel a little sad but also made me smile. Then I read this one in Elisa's, and I was a goner for a good 15 minute cry. What a lovely tribute to a family dog. Interesting how sometimes in life you happen upon things that were exactly what you needed at that moment.

And I am now ready to have a happier post tomorrow.

Magical Thinking

Joan Didion wrote a wonderful memoir about the year following the unexpected death of her husband. It is so honest and true, and is really a worthwhile read for anybody since we all have to experience death in our lives.

I'm feeling some of the feelings she shared in the book. At times, I'm ok and at peace with the fact that Stanley's no longer here and suffering. But then something reminds me of him, some daily part of my routine or a certain place in the house, and it literally feels like someone has punched me in the heart with more force than I can take. I start thinking very irrational thoughts about how to reverse the decision I made and bring him back. And I'd like him back healthy and younger, not sick. I start apologizing to God for attempting to take his place for a day and deciding to end a life. I just want to see that face one more time, pet his soft head again, and hear his little toenails clicking on the hardwood floors as he wanders the house trying to figure out which room I'm in.

It's such a selfish thing, I admit it. It's all to make me feel better and not have to go through this pain. The pain is what makes you lose all sense of reality. Would I really want Stanley to have tried to keep going just so that I wouldn't have to go through this? Of course not. But rational thoughts are few and far between at this point. I was vacuuming and thinking that I hope I don't vacuum up all of Stanley's hair, because that would be sad. I get impatient with poor Molly because I expect her to follow me around the house like Stanley did, which she doesn't really do. I notice Henry seems to be looking for his canine buddy. I watched the video that I shot last Sunday of all of us in the backyard while Gabriel was in his baby pool, so that I could see him still alive. Anything to keep from having to completely let go of him right now.

My friend Sue said it best in her sweet email to me - she's praying that my heart starts to accept what my mind knew I had to do. I'm sure it will eventually. One of my favorite Indigo Girls songs is The Language or the Kiss. There's a line that goes, "There was a table set for six, and five were there... I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair." The song is really about the choice between love and a career, but I've always thought about that line as how you would feel after losing a loved one, and how trying to eat a meal afterwards would make you feel so lonely. We have a house that's set for 9 and 8 are there. And I see him everywhere still.

The last few weeks

Just a warning that people who do not really love dogs aren't going to get my next couple of posts.

I have been questioning alot lately whether or not it's easier to deal with unexpected death or one that you know is coming. On the one hand, if you know it's coming you have time to say goodbye, time to make sure you say or do all the things to let that person (or animal, in this case) know how much you love them, how much they have meant to you, and how much you will miss them. But the waiting is so tough, the wondering how he's feeling, second guessing every change in routing as a warning that something is wrong and maybe it's time.

I really tried to live day-to-day, and each morning when I woke up would be a good morning if Stanley seemed ok. That's how we got through most of the summer, with a few down days. But for the most part he continued to amaze me with his energy every morning while walking. It didn't really dawn on me that the rest of his days were spent pretty sedentary. Or that I was having to really prod him to go outside, and to get him off the porch to go into the grass and take care of business. I got it into my head that I was helping him because he was so old, not because he was sick. His eating was cut down by half, but I chalked that up more to the heat.

The last couple of weeks, in retrospect, were even harder for him. He had always met us at the door upon returning from anywhere with a waggy tail and a happy yip, but he was only meeting us every once in awhile. I was having to practically pick him up to get him outside in the evenings, and would have to wait sometimes 15 -20 minutes before he'd go out into the yard. I kept telling myself that I would do anything for him, but I was really ignoring all the signs. I guess my biggest two things I was focusing on was how he was eating and if he could still go on our walks. This week he stopped wanting to eat. Then Thursday morning he was in such discomfort all through the walk that I had to stop lying to myself. He barely moved around the house all day. Jav said to wait and see how he felt in the morning, which was always our out for not doing anything that day, and having hope for one more day. My Mom helped me see that I shouldn't keep doing that to Stanley. She said that he loved me so much he would probably keep going until he just dropped, and did I really want that?

Friday morning he didn't seem much different. I started to not take him on a walk, but Jav insisted we go for just a short one and said he would take care of Gabriel. I'm so thankful he did that because even though he was slow at first, we ended up having a pretty good walk. But he still didn't want to eat. I called the vet and he said he would come to the house at 4, which was good because Jav had said he'd leave early from work if I needed him to. The day was so hard, and so surreal. I spent it going from being on automatic pilot and cleaning the house so I wouldn't think about it to laying on the floor with my arms around him. It was such a roller coaster all day. I'm so thankful that Jav's Mom kept Gabriel for 3 hours, because I was really unfit to take care of him and I didn't want my sadness to rub off on him. I determined that it would be easier to start taking all of Stanley's things and putting them away while he was still here. This sounds awful, but I just didn't want to see anything that would remind me of him afterwards.

My mother was a saint all day, coming by to say goodbye to Stanley around noon and then realizing that she had to be with me at 4. She stayed with Gabriel in his room so Jav could hold me, and I could hold Stanley. Stanley got up and wagged his tail when Dr. Norris came inside (he always loved going to the vet, who is just the nicest, warmest man in the world). I really faltered when Dr. Norris asked if we were sure we wanted to do this. I wanted to scream at him, "No, it's the last thing in the world I want to do". But Mom said I had to be the strong one, and so I just nodded. I had one arm around Stanley and Jav was holding my other hand when he died. I don't think I've ever had a sadder moment in my life. After they left Mom brought Gabriel out to me to hold, which helped. But I was just so empty.

Then I had to realize that life goes on, and I needed to feed the other pets (the cats were all very upset that the vet had been in the house, and Molly was just upset and looking for Stanley). It was exhausting, trying to keep my emotions in check and then let them fly every now and then all day long. After we ate dinner I felt like a train had run over me. And no matter how hard I tried not to, I kept thinking that we rushed the decision, that he could have gone on another week, which is ridiculous to even think about.

I am so glad that I had the time this summer to spend with Stanley, from the walks in the mornings to the patient trips outside in the evenings. Every time I go for a walk, he will still be by my side. I'm so glad he got to be around Gabriel, and that Gabriel loved him so much. I'm so glad Jav was able to show him such kindness and love. And no matter how hard it is to say goodbye, I can't even contemplate how much sadder my life would have been without him in it.

Goodbye, my best friend

Stanley the Wonder Dog, February 1994 - August 2007

When I grow up I wanna be a ...

I was offered what most sane people would have considered a dream job for a stay-at-home Mom a couple of weeks ago. I would have been able to work from home and set my own hours, all without too much loss of time with Gabriel. The job was offered by a good friend of mine's husband, who has his own software consulting, installation, and maintenance business. He customizes the software for small businesses and has done really well for himself. His bookkeeper quit last March and he'd been trying to keep up with things on his own ever since. He was finding it too difficult to be both a bookkeeper and a salesman/technician, and thought about me. I think the work itself would have been comparatively easy after the initial learning curve of learning new software and how he likes things done.

I thought about this long and hard, and had decided to accept. But my husband kept putting the brakes on my enthusiasm. He wondered if the small addition of income every week would be worth my time given up with Gabriel. But he also reminded me that back in December when I quit, I vowed to try something different, something besides accounting. Something I really wanted to do that would not be a hum-drum "I do this work because I have to" job.

What a wonderful husband I have, and I am SO glad he stopped me. I called the man and politely declined his offer. Since then I have been really thinking about what I want to do when I go back to work, and I've decided I really want to teach yoga. I have just brushed the surface of learning about this ancient and complex subject, which is so much more than just a physical workout. It's also mental and spiritual, and can change your whole way of life and looking at things. I know how much better I feel since I started practicing, and I'm excited about the thought of learning more about it so that I can teach others. It would require an initial investment of money and time to become a certified instructor. It would also require creativity, confidence and passion to find a teaching position (or positions). But if it's something you love, all of this doesn't sound very daunting, just exciting.

Of course, I have a very capricious nature, and might change my mind between now and then. But as for right now, having this dream to work towards feels really good.

I fought the law..at 11 months old

Jav had told me that pushing the buttons on the telephone provided Gabriel with a source of entertainment for a good 10 minutes or so, just long enough to check emails and maybe even answer a couple. So today he was pushing like crazy, and I was listening for the dial tone, just in case, and it starts ringing. But he hit a button before I could get to it. This happened 3 times before I finally took it away from him, thinking it was Jav calling from DC where he was been in his good friend's wedding. The phone rang, and it was the FW fire department. Someone in our home had just dialed 911. I was horrified, and apologized about 3 times, explaining it was my baby boy playing with the phone. The guy was very nice about it, had me verify my address and said he would cancel the call. So about 4 minutes later the doorbell rings. It was, of course, the police. I humbly opened the door (as humble as I could be with a towel wrapped around my head and a feisty boy in my arms), explained what had happened, had to give my name and birth date, and apologize like crazy a few more times.

We have both learned today that the telephone is not a toy.

I want to fly like an eagle

It's sometimes hard for me to find the energy to take the dogs for a walk every morning. But we see some of the neatest things that early.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed sometimes one and sometimes two hawks in an area of our neighborhood. I seemed to always see them in the same spot, right around a very tall but dead tree. Then last week while walking Stanley (a couple of streets from the originial hawks), I heard the strangest bird call. It just sounded so different compared to the neighborhood birds I'm used to hearing. I kept thinking about it until we got home, and it hit me that it might have been a hawk. The next day, we saw it. A lone hawk was sitting in, once again, a very tall dead tree, and it was making the call over and over. Maybe that one has a mate too, but we haven't seen it yet.

Now that I know what to listen for, I'm hoping to spot them even more often now. This morning we saw all three, and one even swooped down towards us. I'm thinking of taking the camera one morning, although I think they are too high up to get a decent shot. I remembered that raptors hunt with their vision only, so they like those trees because it gives them such a good vantage point.

I start wondering all kinds of things as I watch them either soaring overhead or checking us out as we walk by. What do think of us? Are they nervous because of the dogs? Is the solo one calling out to find a mate, or for some other reason? Do the people in those houses even know that they have something so cool living in or around their yards? Did that one swoop down to scare us, or because he or she looked at Gabriel as a giant baby possum? (I'd like to see one try to get a beak around his chubby arm.) All I know is I love watching them. That's why I find the energy for our walks, because I forget about the day's schedule and any problems or woes and just take in the moment.

Stupid funny

I forgot to list another of my favorite TV shows on my "40" blog, because we've only seen it three times now. It's an HBO show called Flight of the Conchords and it's such candy for my tired brain. It's two guys in a not very successful band, and both seem to be one taco short of a combination plate. They make up songs based on what's going on in their lives and the lyrics are very stream-of-consciousness, but hysterical. And they sing their songs in a music video with choreography, costumes and extras, then it goes back to just them living their regular boring lives. The oddest thing is they are both really good musicians and composers, and the songs stay with me for days, even though they are so silly. I'll find myself humming them and laugh out loud. The last episode (Girlfriends) had one of the guys with a crush on a girl who sold him his croissant every morning, so all of a sudden they were all riding around on bicycles with pastel colored clothes and it looked like a 60's Catherine Deneuve movie. The funniest part (as usual) was the lyrics, which sounded like someone reading out of a French language textbook. Numbers, colors, very simple verb conjugations. Here it is, click on Foux Da Fa Fa. So stupid it verges on genius. I love it.

Rock star

My oldest cat's name is officially Bones. Not because he was a skinny runt, even though he was. He was named by an ex-boyfriend, after a mobster in the movie Get Shorty. The same ex-boyfriend talked me into getting a kitten, even though I really didn't think I was much of a cat person. We got the kitten to entertain his 5-year-old daughter. This seemed like a good plan at the time, but then 6 months later we broke up. I was a wreck, mostly because I missed the daughter. Every time I looked at Bones I thought about her, and for awhile thought about trying to find another home for him. But then I suddenly became a cat person. Sort of, because Bones is really more like a dog than a cat at times.

I had to feed him diluted baby food through a dropper after I brought him home from the North Richland Hills Animal Shelter. He is the only one of my cats that was properly weaned from his mother, but that didn't stop him from getting an infection in the kennel. He quickly recovered and became the cutest, healthiest and prettiest kitten. He and Stanley made fast friends, which I was relieved to see. After I had him a year he seemed to really want to go outside, so I started taking him out on a leash, much to his horror and embarrassment, I'm sure. But he got to know the yard, and before long I could leave him out and not worry about him running off or getting lost.

As each new cat was brought into the house, Bones became less and less tolerant of them. Henry was grudgingly accepted, and Bones even became a surrogate mother to him. But Zoe made him a little angry and standoff-ish, and Fred pushed him over the edge. He has never liked being around them, but at least doesn't fight with them. After Fred, Bones wanted to stay outside more and more, especially in the nice weather months. He's always come in at night, though, since that's when most cat fights occur. People tell me that after a cat is neutered he will either become a ruthless hunter or a fighter. Bones went the fighter route. It's hard for me to believe now that during all the years at the Cooks house, he never got sick or very injured, even though a couple of times he came home limping and once had a small chunk taken out of his ear.

When we moved to this house, we kept him in for six weeks. I knew it would be hard, but somehow we got through it. I had a week off after that and started going out with him for longer and longer periods of time until he had enough of his scent in the yard to be able to find our yard if he wandered off. He still didn't really like being in the front yard because he was used to the old house being really far away from the street and any traffic. He quickly claimed the garage as his "get away from it all" territory. He comes in during really hot or cold weather, but not for more than 3 or 4 hours, then he wants back outside or in the garage. We have all been accepting of this arrangement, although Bones has never seemed as happy as he was in the woods around the old house.

Several months back, we realized we were hearing alot of cat fights and decided to make sure Bones was locked in before dark and not let out of the garage until full daylight. But one cat has been hanging around our garage door (we keep it cracked so Bones can go in and out, and also for ventilation), even during the day.

Three weeks ago, I noticed Bones eating less and less, and finally not at all. I had originally assumed he was just acclimating to the heat, but then I got worried. When I took him to the vet he had a fever of 105.3. The vet said that 105 was his cutoff point for testing for infectious diseases, only he didn't come out and say it like that. It took me the rest of the appointment to realize that something pretty bad was happening. We've always kept up with Bones's vaccinations since he's an inside/outside cat, but there are no vaccines (or cures) for FIT (Feline Infectious something or other), or Feline A.I.D.S.

He tested positive for Feline A.I.D.S. So then we agreed to sending the original blood test for detailed testing (which cost us an ungodly amount of money) that would tell us if he was just a carrier or if he had the full-blown virus. Either way, the vet encouraged us to make him stay inside or in the garage. Either way, he would be a threat to the other cats if they fought and blood was exchanged. As I said earlier in the post, none of our cats have ever had a serious fight with each other, but Bones has a tendency to get destructive when he's kept inside for too long. I kept thinking that at least he's nine years old now, and maybe he's mellowed and this won't make him too unhappy. I started cheating and letting him go out in the backyard while Gabriel and I had breakfast in the mornings, or just to hang out for 20 or 30 minutes at a time. I spent to week of waiting trying to accept that this happened and figuring out an arrangement that would make Bones happy somehow.

The vet called and told us that the test came back negative. As in he doesn't have Feline A.I.D.S., or anything. The first test was a false positive. Something about antibodies in his system, but now they're gone, or something like that. I don't really care as long as he's ok. And now I don't feel like we wasted that ungodly amount of money, because Bones is back outside part-time and we are all happier for it. I am keeping a closer eye on him, however, and trying to prevent him from wandering too far from the house so that we won't have to go through this again.

The really good thing to come out of this is that we're spending more time with Bones, who was easy to take for granted. He is our "welcome home" guy, because he pops out from under the garage door anytime we come home or someone comes to the house. Gabriel and I are continuing our bistro breakfasts because of Bones. He really is a sweet cat who loves to hang out with us outside since there are no other cats around vying for our attention. I'm so glad he's ok.

Oh, I almost forgot the reason for the title of this post. Bones has lots of nicknames. Bonesey, Mr. BonesJangles, and the one Jav and Sandra gave him because of his mane of hair, the Rock Star.

40

Here's what's happening in my life on the day I turned 40: (yesterday)

Gabriel is growing, communicating more and more every day, and about to walk any day now. He loves books and music and is just a happy healthly little boy. He chased me at his top crawl speed around the house yesterday with a frenzied laugh and I am amazed by him all day long.

Jav is settling into his new job nicely, and is so glad to be rid of his hellish commute every day. He doesn't even get on a highway now. The three of us get to eat dinner together almost every night. He got me great birthday presents, including tickets to see Raul Malo, an Ipod docking station and charger for the car (which was actually from Gabriel, who loves to listen to Mommy's tunage in the car), and a Central Market gift card for a cooking class. I love him so much, and his patience for me and dealing with this crazy house and all of our animals amazes me all day long. We're trying, hoping and praying for baby number two.

All of our parents and siblings (including sister-in-law) and niece and nephew are doing great, and I love family get-togethers on either side. I wish sometimes that we could get both sides together more often. Cade is getting so big, but loves how Gabriel already worships every move he makes. Every time I see Macy, she warms up to me a little more and I get to know her very unique and cute personality.

I just watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", and it reminded me of how much I love my friends and am thankful we've made the efforts to stay close all these years.

I love seeing my Goddaughter Grace growing up and turning into a beautiful, smart and very artistic girl. We have her artwork up here and there all over the house. I'm also glad about getting closer to Gabriel's Godparents, Keith and Christine, and being a part of Jav's Godson Andrew's life.

My furry kids are all ok for the moment, with the Wonder Dog Stanley still hanging in there despite all odds. Gabriel and I get up early and walk both dogs so that Stanley will have a good day. We thought Bones (our oldest and mostly outdoor cat) was really sick, but it turns out he used up another one of his lives (we figure he has about 6 left now) and is actually ok. I'll have a separate posting about this later. Fred is doing SO much better now that his problem teeth are gone. He's starting to gain weight and we see him all the time now. Henry is a much happier camper now that we are letting him out in the backyard every morning. And Zoe and Molly are just happy, like always. (Interesting that the two female furry kids are the ones with no problems).

I might have a job working from home on my own schedule, which truly seems like a gift from above. I'll know more in the next couple of days.

I love my book club girls, and the chance to get to read all kinds of different things.

My favorite TV shows of the moment are Big Love (who knew a show about polygamy would be SOOO delicious and addicting?), Saving Grace with Holly Hunter (she could be on the Gong Show and make it a good show), and Top Chef. I can't wait for The Office to start up again.

The best movie I've seen lately is Little Miss Sunshine. I could watch it over and over and never get tired of it. The movie I really want to see right now is Breach (about spy Robert Hanson). The movie we just finished was The Tao of Steve, which is just such a charming movie.

My great achievement of the moment is that Jav and I cleaned out the garage over the last two Sundays and are selling all of our stuff in a garage sale at Jav's sister's next weekend.

We finally got the new squirrel-proof birdfeeder up in the front yard and have at least two cardinal couples and all kinds of other birds eating like crazy now.

One bad thing about my birthday is that Barry Bonds bogusly (is that a word?)broke the homerun record. Other things in the national news are the fallout from the Minnesota bridge collapse last week and the miners in Utah that are stranded with people working around the clock to get to them. The biggest topics worldwide are Global Warming (finally) and Iraq and the continuing violence in the Middle East.

There are some things I'm sad about - slowly losing Stanley, missing my grandparents and wishing they could have seen Gabriel, missing a really good friend that I had for a long time but don't now, and on a large scale, realizing how little people care about the planet and protecting all the diverse plants and animals on it. But all in all, my life's never been better. I wake up and feel pretty old first thing in the morning, but it always works itself out during the day. It's a good life, and I'm thankful for all that's in it.

I live for times like this

What a weekend. We realized we had a very rare no-plans-whatsoever empty space on the calendar. Friday night we actually ate dinner together, something we could never do when Jav worked in Plano.

Saturday morning we decided to take Gabriel on his first trip to the Fort Worth Zoo. Keep in mind we were thinking we wouldn't stay very long. It was around lunchtime but we had no food, other than raisins and a fruit roll-up. We get there and wait 30 minutes to get into the parking lot. Then we are told the bathrooms in the entire zoo aren't working. We had an option to turn around and go home, but decided to stick it out. We looked at it like we were filming an episode of Survivor: Zoo Day. It rained on us a couple of times, we were hot and sweaty from the high humidity, and hungry due to my lack of planning. But we had an absolute blast anyway! Gabriel really couldn't focus on many of the big, lumbering animals. But he saw some of the monkeys, the elephants, the parrots and macaws, and the zebra. He was smiling and laughing the whole time, probably just because we were outside, in a new place with lots of kids, and with both Mommy and Daddy. His favorite part seemed to be the waterfalls.

Then Jav and I spontaneously decided to have a date night, another very rare occurrence. Now you may think, oh how nice, they wanted to be grown-ups for an evening, have a sophisticated dinner out where they talked about something besides baby poop for awhile. Well, we went to see the latest Harry Potter movie. And then proceeded to discuss it over fried oysters and cold Shiner at J&J Oyster Bar. How wonderful to have a husband who will participate in silly but totally fun outings like this. And in case you're wondering, the movie was not as good as the last two. Everyone is blaming the director, but I think it's the screen writers fault more than anything. I think it would be really hard to translate the books into movies as they go on, because the books get longer and more complex, but they don't want to have a three hour movie. My biggest problem was not being able to understand what anyone was saying. They all seemed to be talking too fast and mumbling.

Anyway, this morning we went to have breakfast at Esperanza's, another favorite place of ours that we haven't been to post-baby. I got my favorite, molletes (bakery bread with beans and cheese and pico de gallo, only I had them hold the pico since I shared with Gabriel), homemade guacamole and tortillas, and a bowl of arroz con leche. Gabriel ate all of this with such relish that I couldn't keep up with him. As soon as I would cut up his little pieces, he would eat them and look at me ready for more. Jav was worried he was going to get sick, but instead he just fell asleep as soon as we drove out of the parking lot.

I feel like we had a vacation without ever leaving Fort Worth!

Private joke to my husband: Honey, I'm adding one more thing to my birthday wish list. An autographed signed portrait of Marty Feldman to hang up in the kitchen. I'm sure some Ebay browsing will turn something up.

Food Glorious Food

Gabriel is doing wonderfully with his introduction to the world of food. Tonight I made tostadas with refried black beans and chicken and avacado, plus some Spanish rice with zucchini chopped up in it. The only difference between my meal and Gabriel's was that he had soft corn tortillas and alot less refried beans. If someone had told me that I could feed him what we eat at 10 months I would not have believed it.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Jav started a new job this week, and we are pretty excited about it. He left Perot Systems, with their 20,000+ employees worldwide, for a smaller, privately owned company called Sonitrol. They are a security company that uses sound to monitor businesses and the occasional wealthy residence. (We actually used Sonitrol where I used to work with much success). They've been around since the 60's, and have been really growing over the past couple of years, buying up smaller security companies here and there. They have only 700 employees nationwide. Jav says the difference in the sizes of the companies is already like night and day.

We are glad about this for so many reasons. First off, Jav has his same boss that he worked very well with at Perot. She actually stole him away, which means she knows what a great employee and all-around great person Jav is. Jav already knows what to expect from her, and that she is very fair about letting him off for family things if necessary. Secondly, he has room to possibly move up here. He had pretty much hit the ceiling at Perot, unless he wanted to start over in another department. And I think he will find more satisfaction in a smaller company where his voice will be heard. And thirdly, he's closer to home. Instead of his one-way commute taking an hour and a half, in takes him 45 minutes with heavy traffic. And I know where the place is since we drove out the day before his interview to find it. (I never really wanted to see Perot. I had a picture of an almost cult-like place in my head.) It's also nice that he didn't really have to pound the pavement looking for a new job. I truly hope he will be happy at Sonitrol, and have a gut feeling that he will be.

Also, my sister-in-law is leaving her teaching position at the private Catholic school she's held for 15 years for one at a public school in Mansfield, where she's been named head of the department. I'm very glad she was brave enough to leave her comfort zone and venture into unknown waters. Go Sandra!

And, my Dad, at the ripe old age of 63, was promoted from Assistant Principal to Principal. He will head up Jo Kelly (sorry about the previous mispelling-I assumed it was named after a man), a wonderful school for severely disabled kids. I think my Dad is great, of course. But it really does take a special kind of person to want to care for these kids. It can be very stressful, and upsetting (dealing with their private lives), and I am so proud of my Dad for not only achieving this post, but for wanting to change to a career where he is making a difference in so many kids' lives.

Mexico

I knew that our trip to Monterrey would be tough. I've been with Jav's family once before, and had a little nervous breakdown about halfway through the trip, sobbing and telling him, "your family doesn't do things like my family". This is in no way a condemnation of his family, all of whom are wonderful, nice people who have accepted me right from the get-go. This is just a statement of fact, and one that I am learning to get around.

First off, everything starts later. You get up later, you eat later, you stay up alot later. And no one seems to be in a big hurry to do anything. This is probably alot healthier than what we do in the U.S., which is to rush, rush, rush everywhere everyday. When you are invited over to someone's house, it is not for an hour or two, but six or seven hours, plus an hour each way for traffic. (It takes an hour to get anywhere in the whole city, which I can't quite figure out the math on). So if we were supposed to head over to Tio Arturo and Tia Rosi's house for a meal, I had to bring two meals and a snack for Gabriel. I also learned that he would need at least one nap while we were there. The first day this didn't go very well. It was really hot (100 degrees+) and most people do not have air conditioning in the living areas. The good cool air is saved for nighttime sleeping. Gabriel was just too hot and uncomfortable to go to sleep the first day. But the other days we were led to the air conditioned bedrooms just as he was getting sleepy, and he did ok. I was greatful to have the opportunity to be in a cool room while he slept. By the last day I was sleeping with him, which meant I had finally accepted the Mexico mentality.

Another thing that stresses me out about these trips is the fact that I don't speak fluent Spanish, and I'm not confident enough with the book Spanish I know to try and have conversations. But by the end of the trip I am always surprised how much has come back to me (total immersion really does work), and this trip I actually tried it out a couple of times and was successful. I have so much I'd like to say, or questions I'd like to ask, though, and it's difficult to not be able to communicate except through Jav and his sister.

One constant problem the last time we went to Monterrey was the fact that no one is in a big hurry to eat. Well, (and I know Jav gets sick of hearing me say this), I have low blood sugar and have to eat something pretty substantial or I will first get a nasty headache, then become sick to my stomach, then possibly pass out. I finally learned the solution to this problem is to carry around granola bars and cheese crackers in my purse everytime we leave the house. I would just go in a bathroom and munch on my snacks so that it wouldn't seem rude, and this would carry me over until we had a big meal. Which, by the way, were all muy deliciosas. We had homemade tortillas that would melt in your mouth, chile rellenos stuffed with raisins and veggies, beef with rice and summer squash, and arroz con leche for dessert. Real Mexican food is so much better, and better for you, than Tex-Mex.

The final difference that I have come to accept about visiting Mexico has to do with trying to leave someone's house. Once you know you are ready to go, and you tell everyone you are ready to go, plan on being there for at least another 30-45 minutes while everyone says goodbye. You will kiss everyone's cheek and have a little conversation with them before going onto the next person. This really is a charming trait, but when you are tired and cranky from 6 or 7 hours of trying to fit in, trying to understand what everyone's saying, praying that Gabriel will keep being an angel and letting everyone pass him around, and gone from totally starving to stuffed full at least two times ... this gets to be pretty taxing.

But there were so many moments during the trip that made it all worthwhile. Seeing Jav's mom with her two sisters practically fighting over who would feed Gabriel, and Gabriel's little confused face as he looked at the three of them - how did his one Tita become three? Watching Tia Rosi (Jav's uncle's wife) dance around with Gabriel so fast that his little hand had white knuckles from holding onto her shirt. Seeing Jav's second cousin, beautiful 11-year-old Anita, read Gabriel's book to him in English, her face beaming with pride. Sitting in Jav's cousins' beautiful big backyard (very few people have more than a strip of grass and some concrete), with bouganvillia blooming in big mounds everywhere and the mountains seemingly close enough to touch. Watching Jav's (single and childless) cousin David's face as he walked into his house the first morning after our arrival, with Gabriel's toys, food and baby gear scattered over every inch of it. And Jav and I getting to spend so much time with Gabriel, sleeping in the same room with him, riding in the car with him, watching his little face taking all of these new things and people in. It really was a great trip. And I'll be completely ready for it next time.

The view from cousins Lupis and Chuy's backyard. Monterrey is a beautiful city, but they need to get a handle on the traffic and pollution problems or they could turn into a mini-Mexico city.

Not quite sure what to think about Cousin Jorge's moustache. Jorge video taped our wedding without us even asking him to, which is something I will forever be indebted to him for. He and his wife, Sonja, run a public elementary school named after Jav's grandmother.

Gabriel hanging on for dear life to Tia Rosi as they danced themselves silly.

Cousin Anita with her new afterschool duty.

Tio Arturo and Gabriel - see the family resemblance?

Gabriel with his three "Titas"

Cousin David and girlfriend Fatima. He not only let us stay in his house for the trip, but carted us around anytime we needed to go anywhere. He is good as gold!

Oh ya gotta have...friends

My high school friends and I decided to take ourselves to Fredericksburg to celebrate our 40th birthdays. This was the first trip the four of us have taken together since high school drill team trips (unless there was a trip to visit someone in college that I'm not thinking of).

We left around 2 Friday afternoon. You know, the road trip is something I have definitely missed for the last few years. The anticipation, the music, the snack food in the car. Getting there definitely can be half the fun! Especially when you are in such great company and the laughter just keeps coming and coming.

We stayed in a great B&B called Quinta Mariposa (Country House of the Butterfly), that served us well, other than the wacky layout of the house and the uneven floors that everyone kept tripping over. Oh, and the fact that they didn't serve breakfast. Why even call yourself a B&B for gosh sakes?

We decided to cook our dinners in both nights to save money, and because it's just funner. Spaghetti on Friday night, then some great games of Scene It. And of course the requisite People magazines, etc.. to thumb through - before we knew it, it was 2 in the morning. Well, I was the party pooper all weekend, having to turn in the earliest. But I was actually pretty proud of myself since I normally go to bed at 11.

We left to hit downtown Saturday morning, and had a great time in all of the shops. I decided I want to work in the Kuchen Laden (kitchen supply-I'm not sure about the spelling) store. We had a great lunch (mine would've been better with some German beer-yummy). A trip to get some roadside stand Fredericksburg peaches and a stop at Wal Mart, and as Julie stated in her blog earlier, they are so much nicer in small towns. Then back to our B&B for a late afternoon movie. We chose Animal House, which my husband was so impressed by. He thought we'd pick a chick flick for sure.

Then we had our required eating, Rotel and chips (it's become our signature dish), along with some really good tacos. We played a couple of very fun games of Cranium, then a couple more of Scene It. I had to conk out at that point, while the other girls watched Say Anything.

We were sad to have to pack up and leave the next morning. Why is it just when you're getting used to staying somewhere you have to pack up and leave? But we got to have a great breakfast at a little bakery. We left for home around 11:30. This got us to the Dairy Queen in Hamilton just in time for lunch. There is a little known Texas law that says you must eat at a Dairy Queen in a small town at least once during a road trip, or suffer the consequences.

And the funnest part of the trip was all the conversations, laughter, and memory-sharing you can only have with really good friends that you have known a long, long time. Who have stuck by you in good times and bad, and know you inside and out. This was one trip that I've been waiting for for a long time, and the actual event was even better than the anticipation.

Here are some top-of-my-head moments that I'll always remember: (Some of which we'll have the pictures to help)

the clicking burners-make it stop!

the wacky window in the bathroom/laundry area that looked into the dining room

the porch swing we spent 5 minutes in

the Alice in Wonderland dream I had about someone leaving brightly colored cookies and cakes all over the house during the night

me mistakenly using Julie's toothbrush

the shops that just kept going on forever once we got inside

that Julie forgot to pack underwear, leading to the hysterical underwear shopping and crazy hat-trying on at the 5 and dime

the peach with a couple of bites taken out that the fruit stand man wanted Jana to try

the humming, first me doing Downtown, then Auddie doing Walk This Way during Cranium

the rude woman who wouldn't get up from our breakfast table

I can't wait for the next trip!

Jana's "fresh" peach

Julie and Jana

Me and Auddie

Abner, our mascot