Fight it!

Gabriel waiting for the garbage truck to go by where he can see it from the back yard.

Gabriel was getting ready to go spend an afternoon with Jav's Mom last Monday and I had told him to find some shoes. He came out with one blue croc and one tan croc on and announced he was wearing two different colors today. I loved this so much, because it was totally his idea, and because it shows an attempt to fend off some of the OCD that I know he has inherited from me. I know he has it, but that's a whole nuther post.

Every day this week he has come out with two different colored crocs. We have been getting great smiles at the grocery store and the library when people notice his feet. One man said to his wife as they passed us, "I bet he has another pair just like that at home." and chuckled.

TV

Before I had kids, I was soooooooo judgemental when it came to parents letting their kids watch what I considered to be too much TV. I usually would not say anything out loud, but my inside voice was all high and mighty talking about me never letting my kids watch very much TV.

Oh how things change once the reality of having children slaps you silly. I started letting Gabriel watch a half hour of TV just after turning six months old. It quickly became an hour. Then for a long time I tried to only let him watch an hour in the morning and and hour in the evening while I cooked dinner. This is still my idea of enough TV for a three year old. The only time he got more was when he was sick.

Now we just sort of "let the TV time fall as it may" each day. There are those days, you know the ones? Where I don't even have the energy to turn it off. It's just comforting to know that it's on, as if there's another person helping me take care of my kid. At least Gabriel still doesn't watch anything with commercials yet. Just PBS and Nick Jr. And movies. He usually sticks with one movie for two to three weeks, so we get to know them really well before they have to step down to their replacement. Right now we're on Hercules. I could sing you all the songs if you wanted me to. They pop up in my dreams at night.

I just started letting Joel watch, especially after finding the Baby Einstein DVD's we had put up when Gabriel got too old for them. How could I have forgotten them, as many times as we watched them? Gabriel is also enjoying seeing them again, and the two of them together are just so cute. Joel only sticks with a whole half hour if Gabriel is watching with him. But it just gives me a chance to cook dinner without feeling quite so rushed, which is nice.

So my attitude towards TV has softened, and hopefully I'm not ruining my kids' imagination. My favorite thing to watch during the day now is an episode of Jeopardy, to prove to myself that my own brain is not fried. And even though I don't think he understands a word, Gabriel likes to watch with me, proving that to a kid, any TV is good TV.

Joel

He has a farm animal puppet glove on his head. Gabriel put it there and told me to take a picture.

The top half while sitting in his new jumper.

And the bottom half. Wow.

I love this picture.

Joel (a.k.a. The Pudgelet) had his first big belly laugh last Sunday. We finally got Gabriel's Bozo Bopping Bag blown up from Christmas (!), and every time he punched it and it wobbled back and forth Joel just squealed and laughed with delight. Which of course made Gabriel belly laugh too. It was so darn cute! Joel can't take his eyes off of his brother if he's in the room.

He has his first tooth that's finally broken through on the bottom. I'm thinking another one is one the way the way he's gnawing on everything in sight. He's starting to communicate more with little noises (and big loud noises too). He is such a sweet and affectionate baby and loves to be kissed. He's trying to kiss back but all he can do is lunge at your face with his mouth open.

I think he may be days away from starting to crawl. This morning I found him in his crib on all fours for the first time. Usually he's just propped up with his arms and his legs are straight behind him. Then later at my mom and dad's he started rocking back and forth and my mom said, "Uh oh. He's about to take off!" All of a sudden my floors seem even more full of pet hair then they actually are with the thought of him sashaying around the house face down. Ugh.

His days of being a little helpless baby are over, which makes me a little sad even though it also makes things much easier. At least he still has that baby smell. I wish I could bottle it. I could take it out and remember these wonderful days even when he gets the sweaty boy smell.

Makes perfect sense.

I'm trying to teach Gabriel the days of the week. So today during breakfast this was our conversation:

Me: "What day is today?"

Him: (I thought he said) "Monday"

Me: "Good! And what day comes after Monday?"

Him: "Tuesday".

Me: "Excellent! Then what's next?"

Him: "Threesday."

And I realize that he's actually been saying "Oneday" instead of Monday all along.

I love that kid.

Signs

Gabriel had a library book about two months ago that was full of traffic signs. I never noticed how many of them were around us while driving until he started pointing them out to me. Leave it to a child to see things that we grownups take for granted. He had so much fun finding them and trying to figure out what they meant. This was the only sign in our neighborhood that was not in the book. And below that picture is why we have that sign. Our little neighborhood duck pond is so pretty, but I hate it when it gets really dry like it is now. I worry about our ducks, fully knowing that they don't really belong to me. I hope we get some rain soon!

First week of summer

So much to write about, so little time!

Joel is all about kicking his strong little legs. He does it when he's happy, when he's excited, when something is funny, and when he's tired. It already cracked us up, but then tonight he was sitting in his new jumper that I put together this week (go me!), and he did it standing up. When you combine those crazy legs with his intense stare of concentration and cartoonish classical music, you get full-blown hysterical. I thought I was going to lose my dinner I was laughing so hard. He had his six-month checkup last week. He's 21 pounds even and 28-1/2" long. The directions for the jumper say the baby can't be more than 30" tall, but I think he'll hit that well before he turns a year old. They don't make baby stuff for plus-size babies. Discrimination!

While at my gyn. office, I got really sad thinking about the fact that I will never be pregnant again. I know it's just plain greedy after receiving these two gifts, but I just can't help it. If we'd gotten started sooner I probably would have wanted at least one more, maybe even more. But I'm not quite crazy enough to act on this. My almost-43-year-old body probably couldn't take another one, to say nothing of the risks at our age and with our history. Sigh.

On to happier subjects! Gabriel has taken to peeing in the potty like a duck to water. He's letting us know when he has to go, stays dry all day, and he's gone at several places besides home and been totally comfortable doing it. I'm blown away by how great he's doing. We'll work on the other area. Bribes really seem to work with him, and he really wants us to get Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for him to watch (he found my old Rudolph book in a big box the other day and hasn't stopped talking about it).

Gabriel and I had a mid-week zoo trip, and the weather was surprisingly pleasant. It was supposed to rain that morning, and the temperature was around 85 or so. We explored the new Museum of Living Art (the new herpetarium), and it is truly incredible. The funniest thing that happened was in the Bug and Spider Room. Gabriel had been oohing and aahing at all sorts of snakes and lizards up to that point with no fear whatsoever. But when he got a look at the tarantula, he said, "Put me down. Put me down. I don't wike it." He ran in to tell me while I was making lunch yesterday that there was a tarantula in Joel's room. It was a little black spider no bigger than a nickel. Anyway, we also rode the carousel (which I'm wondering if it's the original one we used to ride as kids) and found the rather cheesy petting zoo, with one guinea hog, seven chickens and two goats to pet. We also found the penguin house and the kangaroos. We only stayed an hour and 45 min. and had a fantastic time. The only complaint I have about the herpetarium is that they got rid of the aquarium and the sea lions, which were always really fun to see. I also loved that big underwater room you could go down into and see all the fish swimming around. They have several see-through walls with fish and turtles, and even huge crocodiles, though, to make up for it. The komodo dragon exhibit is really cool too.

And I am working on the project of cleaning/fixing up our back porch. I figure we are going to spend tons of time out there this summer and I want to make it more inviting. We need to clean up Gabriel toys and get a "toy box" (heavy duty plastic box) to put them in. I want to add several units of storage drawers to put things like bug spray, suntan oil, and all the things I'm constantly running back inside to grab. We're getting Jav a small charcoal grill for Father's Day, which he already knows about because I had asked for it for my birthday but he really wanted one too. We are eventually going to get a wheelbarrow cover or tarp so that we can get it off the porch and I can store my potting soil, mulch, etc.. in it. We need to get some lawn chair covers too and get them off the porch. We only have two chairs with our table right now and I'd like to add two more. I want some pillows for the porch swing, some funky lights to hang, and some citronella candles and tiki torches to combat the mosquitos. And finally (this is down the road, at least next year), it would be cool to get a small dorm room refrigerator to have cold drinks available out there (another thing I'm constantly going back inside to get).

This will take all summer to get it right and spread out the costs, but I will be patient. We got the toy box today, so I'll start by cleaning up Gabriel's toys tomorrow and getting them stored away. I love getting organized!

Monumental day

Gabriel around 7 or 8 months old.

Wow. Yesterday was quite a day. I spent the whole second half of the day fretting about the dog's poop and trying to get Gabriel to pee in the potty chair, which he did several times before Jav got home.

Molly has had what we'll just call tummy issues for about two weeks. At first we just assumed she had eaten something crazy that messed her up for awhile. But when we realized it still wasn't better I called the vet. He suggested taking her off food completely for 24 hours (which was awful). Then the next day she got 1/4 of what she usually eats, then 1/2, etc... I was really concerned that something serious was wrong with her since this has never gone on for so long before. But finally, yesterday afternoon, (and an hour after I had called the vet to see why she still hadn't gone), all was better and seemingly back to normal. So now we realize our original diagnosis was correct: She ate something crazy. She's such a hound. But I sure am glad she's back to being a healthy hound!

After trying to be pretty laissez-faire about potty training for the past two months or so, (Mr. Metcalf would be so proud of me for the proper use of that term!), we decided it was time to get a little more pushy about things. It's now becoming a hinderance. I was going to sign Gabriel up for his first soccer class at the Hurst Rec Center, but they only take potty trained kids. So Jav and I came up with a strategy of telling him, "you have 5 more days with diapers. Then they're going away." Plus we got him a really neat toy that he could play with for a short time every time he used the potty chair. He found a mobile crane at Target that he just fell in love with, and off we went. We weren't supposed to start until Saturday, but he woke from his nap wanting to try. He was successful (for the first time, ever) around 6pm last night. I tried to call Jav but couldn't get ahold of him. He called on the way home and congratulated him like crazy. After that we took him every 20 minutes or so to try.

Today has gone well, although we're continuing the bribes for now. Gabriel got bored with the crane at some point this morning and asked for a diaper. So we had to come up with a continual "prize" strategy. He's gotten a new puzzle, an Elmo potty book, and a whole bunch of matchbox trucks, buses, motorcycles, etc.. And he got a chocolate cupcake with pink frosting after dinner tonight. He goes in every 10 minutes to see if he can go enough to extract a prize from the prize cabinet. Tomorrow we'll try to back off of the bribes a bit and see what happens. I'm truly amazed at how well it's gone, although it has been exhausting. But he's made great strides and hopefully is building his confidence every time he goes. We'll see.

Now if Joel starts crawling tomorrow we will have ourselves one humdinger of a weekend. I'm just joking, really. We already have. I'm just bursting with happiness because my Molly girl is better, and of course for what Gabriel's done.

Charlie

We have a new semi-pet. He is a crow. He is perhaps the biggest, most badass crow I've ever witnessed. And he has taken residence up in our yard because of our birdbath. He has claimed that birdbath for his very own. He guards it. He drinks from it all day long. And he dunks whatever he has decided to eat in it. Every day. We started seeing him every single time we went outside or left the house, or came back home. So we named him. Gabriel now says bye to him along with our other pets whenever we go somewhere.

One day there were pecan shells left in the water. Not so bad. One day there was a big wadded up piece of bread. One day there was the remains of a snake. No kidding. But the worst was the day I had to refill the water because Jav was out of town. There, lying in the very disgusting water, was a leg bone of something. I tried to convince myself maybe it was a rib leftover from someone's cookout. But this was just ridiculous, as it took up the entire diameter of the birdbath. Yuck.

Crows are pretty darn smart, we also have determined. Or at least Charlie is. One early morning as I left for a walk with Joel and Molly he came swooping down over my head and landed on a low branch and just stared me down. He was letting me know that I needed to change the water, which I had forgotten to do the day before. Jav said he did the same thing to him a few evenings before when he left for his run.

I haven't been able to get a good picture of Charlie. He's too quick for me. These really don't do him justice, so I'll keep trying. And even though I don't like the fact that he's not letting other birds drink from the birdbath (luckily we have some smaller water holders nearby), I still find the whole thing kind of cool. It's like we have The Discovery Channel on live right outside our window.

Perfect day

Gabriel's never really liked swinging, and he kept saying he was going to fall out of the tire swing.

Check out those thighs! (Luckily mine are hidden in this picture!)

I love this picture of my guys.

We stay so busy with our families that it is rare for us to have a "just the four of us" family day. So I think from now on, we will reserve Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day to be our Family Fun days, where we just do whatever we feel like and don't make any plans ahead of time with anyone.

Today, we started off with a trip to the donut shop, something we only do about twice a year. Then we took the boys to our favorite park in Arlington. There's tons of things to do and the entire playground area is shaded. Gabriel played himself silly while I just sat with Joel and let him take it all in. Jav held him and swung (is that right) for awhile. Then we went back to the car so Gabriel could practice pedaling his tricycle in one of the shady spots. He's starting to finally get a little better at it.

We went home to have lunch and then we ALL took naps, something that also rarely happens. It was wonderful! Then we headed out to Marble Slab for some late afternoon ice cream. Who cared if it was just before dinner? We didn't!!! We stopped at Lowe's for a few things for the house. Then had burgers and fries for dinner.

The kids are asleep, we're beat, but it's a good tired!

And I have to comment on our beautiful flag from the Lion's Club. We pay an annual fee for them to put one in our yard on five holidays. Many homes in our neighborhood have them, and it looks so pretty to see them lined up along the street. It's also a good way for us to remember, and begin to explain to Gabriel, what this holiday really means.

Covers

Wednesday songs are Old School Country and Cowboy Songs. I was singing the song below to Joel (the original version) and remembered this really cool version by David Byrne that came out on an album called Red, Hot and Blue. The whole thing is great, with various artists (Thompson Twins, k.d. lang, Annie Lennox) covering Cole Porter songs, and back when it came out all the proceeds went towards AIDS research. This is the best song on the album, though. I love the drum beat!

One reason I love having boys

You get to have funny conversations about penises.

During our zoo trip we stopped in one of the restrooms and as I was taking a seat Gabriel yelled out, "Mama you have a penis!" But I think he really meant it in the form of a question. That's just not how it came out. So I explained to him that "no, I do not have a penis. Boys have penises. Girls do not." I'm sure the other zoo patrons in the bathroom found this enlightening.

So after his nap a few days later, we had this conversation:

"Mama, you don't have a penis."

"No I don't. We found that out at the zoo the other day, didn't we?"

After thinking about this for a long time and apparently forgetting about our bathroom conversation, he said, "But animals don't have penises."

And I said, "Yes, many of the boy animals do. Certain animals, like maybe fish, might not. But boy elephants and boy monkeys do.

He thought long and hard again and said, "No they don't. They have tails."

"Well, they might have both a tail and a penis."

"Oh." At which point his brain was about to explode if he thought about it any longer, so he ran off to play.

Zoo!

Gabriel and I recently became members of the Fort Worth Zoo, something I've wanted to do for a long time. I've wanted to take him back to the zoo for a year and half, but pregnancy and then Joel put our plans on hold for a little while. We finally had our zoo day last Wednesday and we had so much fun. I am trying to do some "Gabriel and Mama only" trips this summer and the zoo will be a big player. The memberships will pay for themselves after three or four trips. We are going to go with Joel Tuesday if Joel's cough gets better by then.

We're so lucky to have such a fantastic zoo in our city!

House

Our dining room. We bought ourselves the mirror (way on sale) for our anniversary this

year. Now if we could just get it hung.

Our Welsh kitchen dresser, which I use as a mini buffet. I would love to get rid of the wallpaper.

One of two oversized chairs that don't work in our house. This one is especially bad because the cats decided early on to use it as an additional scratch post.

I have learned (a little too late for this house), that after moving into a new home, you really should live there about a year before buying any furniture or making any kind of design decisions. It takes about that long to get to know a house. To get the flow, the nuances, understand where the best walkways are, and where the best places to put certain pieces of furniture are. We made the mistake of buying chairs waaaaaaayyyyyyyy before this milestone was reached, and I have regretted it ever since. The rooms in our house are not that big, and we bought oversized chairs that just don't fit well in the room. We also purchased a square dining room table. I love it, but we really should have bought a rectangular one in order for our Welsh kitchen dresser and antique buffet to fit in our dining room. I already owned a gigantic four poster queen size bed before I met Jav, and it is too big for our bedroom.

So there are many things that need changing about our furniture. We are in the process of trying to decide if we want to make our front bedroom the master, the middle bedroom a playroom/office and thereby move both boys into what's now our room in the back of the house. This would mean moving closets too, and I'm not sure I have the energy for that right now. We really will need some extra room one day, especially when Gabriel wants his own room again. We could add on to the back bedroom going into the backyard. We might be able to add-on with a second story. I'd love to screen in what is now the back porch and build a deck around it. But with me staying home, none of this will happen for a pretty long time. And sometimes I feel like our decor is a little garage sale-like. Which always makes me think of When Harry Met Sally and the Roy Rogers garage sale wagon wheel coffee table. Hee hee.

When I ran all of this by Jav he said, in typical male thought process, "Why don't we just move to a bigger house?" Well, money is the first answer. But the second one is that I love this house, at least most of it. It would be so great to have an extra room for guests or an office, or preferably both. We both HATE our master bath and want to have it completely ripped out and redone at some point. The kitchen could be a bit bigger too. But I love the living and dining area and the yard. So do we pour money into it, knowing that we will probably not get that investment back if we ever sell? Or do we just move?

Our color scheme is a bit wacky too. The people who lived here before us had the walls of the main living area and hallway textured and painted. There's brown, kind of a mustard color, and an unusual yellow. It sounds horrible, but it actually all works really well together. Even so, one of our problems is that there's just too much going on with all of those colors. Especially when we get down to my furniture color scheme. I've always loved the movie Home Alone and coveted Kevin's house. Every room has some form of green and red to add to the Christmas spirit of the movie. Without even realizing it, I already have a red and green color scheme running through this house. (Not bright red and bright green, but subtler shades of each). The living room has a green rug and a burgundy chair. The kitchen has burgundy and green in the wallpaper border, and so does the Master bedroom. I'm not too jazzed about keeping the borders long-term, but they'll do for now. The quilt on our bed is red and Molly's bed is green. We painted the playroom an apple green, and want to go back and paint the baseboards and trim some shade of red. This all seems to work in my head, but I know we need to remove some of those colors from the wall for it to really work.

Oh well, it all gives me something to think about in my spare time. Ha.

First and last day of school

Gabriel's last day of preschool was today. He'll be in the 3-year-old class next Fall, with two completely new teachers. This year his lead teacher, Ms. Amy, had been his assistant teacher the year before, so the transition was really easy. Plus many of the kids were in his class last year too. Next year, so far only one boy, Luke (we all call him Lukey-Luke) will be in his class. Everyone else moved to three days a week. But that's cool because he and Lukey-Luke have become pretty good friends. I plan to have Luke, his Mom, and his baby brother over for a play date during the summer. She had Will two weeks almost to the hour after I had Joel. Every time we showed up to pick up the boys Ms. Dawn, his assistant teacher, said, "Here come the babies!"

Gabriel has really matured in many ways, even though he still has babyish moments. I really think they do a great job with the kids at this preschool. We are debating about whether or not to send Gabriel to this school up until he goes to kindergarten or switch him over to his private school for Pre-K. I'm glad we have some time to think about it still.

Ms. Amy and Ms. Dawn wrote on their goodbye note today that the thing they'll miss most about Gabriel is hearing him sing. That made me cry.

Posting gap

Aunt April with Joel. He actually fell asleep a few minutes after this was taken.

I'm really trying to get better about posting, but the past two weekends and in between have been crazy.

We had our six year anniversary on the 8th. We went out for a nice long dinner at Lily's Bistro on Magnolia. GREAT food and reasonable prices. It had a very European sidewalk cafe feel about it, Jav and I both agreed. Then Mother's Day was the 9th. Jav and Gabriel went to Mass with Jav's Mom, while I staged a slight protest about having to get up early and rush around on Mother's Day and stayed home with Joel. In fact, I was moving so slowly that I made us late for Esperanza's for lunch and we had to wait in a ginormous line. I felt pretty bad. But it was really fun once we got seated, and they always have great food.

Then during the week Gabriel got sick again. It was kind of a relapse from his earlier congestion and cough, but the cough was much worse this time. He couldn't sleep, and spent a night with Mommy again. He finally was able to settle down and stop coughing around 3 or so. We were both wrecks the next day! We decided to take him to the doctor again, and ended up seeing a doctor in our group that had once seen my brother as a baby! Dr. Scroggie has to be getting close to retiring, but he's still going strong and is SOOOOO wonderful with Gabriel when we've had to go to him. And God bless him, he gave us an antibiotic this time. I'm not thrilled about how often Gabriel is having to take them, but he's been sick pretty steadily for over two months now, and I think he needed some help to kick this.

We had a Baptism class for Joel Thursday night, which I think is a crazy time to have a class for people with infants. We took separate cars in case Joel started to have a meltdown. 7-9 is supposed to be bath and bedtime, not "here's a roomful of strangers and please don't make a fuss" time. I thought there might be a quiet corner where I could feed him during the class if needed, but they had 30 people show up, the largest turnout they'd ever had! So I missed part of the video they show while in the bathroom feeding him, and he still wanted his cereal, so I took him home after the tour of the font. It's not like we haven't done this before, people! We learned that our new priest favors the total immersion approach, where the baby goes in back first and doesn't get his face wet, but the rest of him gets doused. At first this seemed to be going overboard to me, but then we figured that he will probably cry either way, so why not? This is horrible to say, but Jav thinks people like the spectacle of the baby that freaks out as opposed to one who stays quiet during the whole ceremony (kind of like how people go to a Nascar race just to see the wrecks). It wakes everybody up.

I spent most of the week and all day Saturday cleaning my house, inside and out. My side of the family came for lunch yesterday, and it was the first time we've had them over since Gabriel's birthday last September. So it was the first time my house has been that clean since then, too! It was a good dry run for my Book Club meeting next month. I had a sudden burst of energy to clean after I took Bones to the vet Thursday morning. He had been acting like his back around his tail was hurt or something, and his hair had gotten a bit thinner there. Well, the vet found two fleas crawling on him! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I kicked into panic whirlwind vacuuming and laundry mode, with a staging area for every piece of bedding that he had come in contact with for the past week. It took me two days just to wash everything. So far I think we've avoided disaster, only because Bones is so sensitive and completely freaked out as a warning. And I love having the house this clean. I feel like I deserve a week off from cleaning now.

We had a great day yesterday. It was supposed to rain, but luckily had cleared off by the time everybody arrived. We had baked spaghetti, garlic bread and a big salad. And for some reason I was craving Italian Cream Cake for dessert. Simple, but delicious. We had to get the two leaves out for our dining room table for the first time since we bought it. We are a larger family unit now with my uncle living in town, and three out of four cousins sitting at the table now. Once Joel gets old enough for a regular chair we'll have to buy an extra, since we are eleven total. How wonderful is that? I think when we bought the table we never thought that we'd fill it up, let alone need an extra space. We have some major things going on with Cade right now that I don't want to post about yet, and it was so nice to hug both he and Macy, even though I don't get to see them much when we host everybody. I love my niece and nephew soooooooo much!!! And Gabriel set up a lookout post in front of the picture window around 11:00 and couldn't be convinced to come down until they showed up.

Joel is maturing so fast. He is sitting in a high chair now during meals and loves being up off the floor level. He little hands are grabbing at everything, and he's doing this funny lunge for things when he really has to concentrate. The interaction between the brothers is getting so cute. It's almost like Joel finally realized that this bigger whirl of energy that comes at his face all the time is his brother, and now looks forward to seeing him.

I figured out one of the wonderful things about having a baby around as opposed to an older child is the way they look at their mother with just so much love. From morning until night, his little face just lights up every single time he sees me. It's something that Gabriel doesn't do as much now, and I hadn't realized I missed it.

Ok, I am caught up on all of our happenings and ready to move on to other topics.

Walking

I love to walk. I got hooked over 15 years ago when I realized that it it the easiest way to exercise. No driving to the gym, no fancy equipment. Just some good shoes and that's it. I started out walking on tracks with my buddy at the time, Tracy. She was a true power walker, and we were just after the fitness aspect of it back then.

But as the years went by, I would try to walk wherever I happened to find myself. Campgrounds, around lakes, strange neighborhoods during out-of-town visits. One of my favorite places to walk was Fredericksburg. I would visit my grandmother for the weekend and get up really early to walk as the sun came up over the hills. That's where I fell in love with walking just to clear your head, or to enjoy being outdoors. I would check out everyone's yard and get gardening ideas. I would count how many different bird calls I could hear. I would just breathe. I discovered that walking is better therapy than anything you might pay for. And now, when I walk, worries may come up, but then I shake myself back to the here and now, and concentrate on making my legs move my body forward. And just breathe.

Dream gift

Joel and I went grocery shopping yesterday morning, as we do most Saturday or Sunday mornings now. I decided to see what was on the classical station for the drive over. One of my favorite pieces of music was on. Mozart's Sonata #12 in F, heard below. (This wasn't the pianist we heard, but this is a pretty good version).

My mom has an ancient Mozart piano book with a bunch of his sonatas in it, including this one. One day years ago I was just trying to play through some of them and I became hooked on this piece of music from the moment I started playing. I practiced it on and off whenever I had the chance at their house, because we don't have a piano. But I haven't played or thought about this piece for years now. As I was listening to it yesterday morning, I realized how much I miss playing these days. And it dawned on me how much I would love to have a piano in our house.

We bought an electronic keyboard for Gabriel for Christmas and he loves it. He loves to explore the different sounds and rhythms it can make. But he doesn't like for me to play it, and it's just not the same as playing a real piano, at least to me. I realize that I still wouldn't have much time to play it these days, but it would be so wonderful to just sit for a few minutes and just play away. I never realized what a gift my grandparents were giving me with the nine years of lessons until I became an adult. Now I wish I had practiced more, because even though I can read music, I never practiced back then didn't learn many of the technicalities. Which means I don't think I learned enough to actually teach piano to someone else. My nephew is dying to learn, and I'd love to teach Gabriel or Joel, or both, one day. I also wonder if teaching piano would have been a way to earn some extra money. But I'm just not that good.

I just wonder where on earth we would put a piano, anyway. But that's going into a whole 'nother post.

Small hands

Joel has discovered how things feel. He is moving his chubby little fingers over everything they come in contact with. He loves reaching up to our faces to feel them. Jav reminded me that Gabriel went though a stage where his little hand would open and close on our shoulders whenever we held him. I remembered him doing that alot when we took him to his first Ranger Game. Joel has learned to comfort himself, and even put himself to sleep, by opening and closing his hand on top of his head. I didn't even realize this was happening until I found tons of scratches on his head one day. I now make a point to trim his nails every week. The other night when he was having some tummy trouble that woke him up, I was rocking him and he reached his little hand up and started feeling my chin, ever so gently. So, so sweet!

He wants to roll over to his tummy every single time I put him on his back. Gone now are the days of putting him down for a few minutes on a bed while I run to start a load of laundry. He had an unfortunate experience of rolling off of his activity mat and onto our rug that needed a good vacuuming from all the shedded pet hair. When I got him turned over it looked like he had a beard! He had his first experience of bellying-over to a toy he wanted to play with yesterday, and it was a good four feet away from him. He's ready to move! And the more he moves, the more delighted his brother is to realize that this little lump that we brought home is actually going to be able to play with him one day.

The game they play right now is the "Stinky Feet" game. Gabriel will grab one of Joel's feet, sniff it, and then yell, "Pew wee!!!" And both of them laugh. I tried pointing out to Gabriel that Joel's feet smell waaaaayyyyy better than his since he never wears shoes (I refuse to put them on him until I have to). But Gabriel doesn't pay any attention to me and just keeps on having fun.

Fixable mistakes

I think I really messed up with Gabriel when we first brought Joel home. In my sleep-deprived and overwhelmed state, I think I expected him to grow up overnight. I expected him to stop arguing with me and start minding me, and basically stop being three years old just so that my life would be a little easier. I lost my patience with him all too quickly, and used my exasperated tone with him so much. And even yelled at him a good number of times. It took me a couple of months to realize that I was doing these things, and it's taken another couple of months to figure out why. It also dawned on me that every time we leave the house as a family, to go to Mass or run errands, that I grab Joel and Jav looks after Gabriel. It is amazing to me how much Joel has become almost like another appendage to me. Now I am trying to let Jav take Joel more while I take Gabriel for awhile.

I keep having a sensation that he is slipping away from me, that I am not tending to his three-year-old psyche somehow and it will change our relationship forever. When I mention even a hint of this to women who have been Moms for a long time, they always tell me that he will not remember any of this and to stop worrying so much. But I have been making a huge effort to try and be more patient and loving with him again, and to constantly remind myself that he is only three (and really acts more like two sometimes). This takes almost superhuman effort because my child was either born defiant and thinking he knows everything, or it's just a very long stage we're going through. But I think my efforts are paying off. I feel him coming back to me again. He hugs me more, and is talking to me more and wanting me to play with him again.

I had my teeth cleaned a few weeks ago, and my dental hygienist has two sons who are 16 and 19, the same age difference as mine. She said she realized that she was doing the same thing to her oldest when she brought her second son home, and she swears that it did change him forever. I have known her long enough now to know that she would never exaggerate about this. She said he never was as huggy and snuggly baby-like after that. And now she can't get him to show any affection to her at all, whereas the younger one is the exact opposite. It was a little unnerving to hear validation of my worries from someone, but it will just make me work that much harder to fix what I may have messed up.

Now that Joel is taking some pretty good naps Gabriel and I are playing more and more again, and it feels so great to spend that time with him on the floor, laughing and tickling him. Yesterday we crazy danced (more like jumping) to the Ting Tings all around his room. I have missed that more than I can say, and it feels so great to get that one-on-one fun time with him again.

A week of firsts

We had quite a week around our little household last week. Gabriel caught a new cold, this one all down in his throat and chest and making him cough. Joel began sleeping through the night, which just makes my life so much easier.

But Thursday was a big day. Joel rolled over for the first time, of course when I wasn't in the room. And Gabriel had his first experience up on a stage with his classmates to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" during his school's fundraising evening. He didn't seem nervous or excited about it, but I don't think he was feeling very well. He sang and did all of the motions they were supposed to do, and smiled through the whole song. But the best part was just before they sang and he saw me waving at him, and he grinned really big and waved back. We taped it, of course, and then Jav, not knowing that I had rewinded it to show my Mom the next day, accidentally taped over it. This made me cry for a pretty long time. I know we will probably have many more on-stage performances to tape, but this was his first.

And then Friday night, Gabriel was waking up coughing, so much so that he would choke and get really scared. We decided to let him sleep with me in our bed (another first) and Jav slept on the couch. That night we had a pretty strong thunderstorm, and even though I hated having him feel so bad, it was really sweet to have him right next to me all night long.

I realize now that Joel is here and everything with him is changing so fast that I would like to make this blog like a scrapbook. I never got into scrapbooking, and I just don't think it will ever be my cup of tea. So this will become part baby book, part scrapbook and part diary. I just wish I would have thought of it when Gabriel was a baby. At least having the second one is jarring my memory constantly about that time, and maybe I can go back and get some of it down.

They stay little for such a short, short time.