Are ya sure this is Texas?

The weather so far this summer has been so refreshing. This is a sentence I don't believe I've ever uttered before. By the end of June, we are normally having upper 90 to 100 degree highs with no chance for rain until the Fall. But so far, we've had rain on and off for the whole month and have barely broken 90 degrees. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 82! I have always wondered what a "normal" summer experience would be like, where summer is meant to be enjoyed and not just endured. Where it is pleasant to sit outside in the late afternoons, instead of hiding in an air-conditioned house. Where you can feel the cool morning air on your arms in the early morning, instead of the muggy, hard to breath, leftover-from-the-night-before heavy air. Where there is still green everywhere you look, instead of dull, crisp browns. This is going to make me realize what I have been missing all of these summers, and I might just refuse to go back.

June has been busting out all over

This month has been a little hectic, needless to say. I had my wonderful girls weekend in Fredericksburg over the 2nd weekend (full posting to come). The trip was SO fun and therapeutic, but it was a little hard to be away from Gabriel. Jav and Gabriel and I traveled to Monterrey Mexico for 4 nights the next weekend to visit Jav's aunts, uncle and cousins and introduce everybody to Gabriel (full posting to come). This in itself was very stressful to get ready for, because I had to have all suitcases packed, all toys and baby food and baby gear bagged up, plus food for our breakfasts and lunches and snacks bought and bagged up so that Jav's parents could take everything in their truck (they drove, we flew). Plus they stayed an extra day, so we didn't get our stuff back until a couple of days after we got home. I've been playing catch up on housework and laundry ever since, and can't seem to get caught up on my sleep. I feel like I've been packing or unpacking for the last month! I've also had pet stresses, with Fred not eating before we left and now still not feeling too good after his surgery. I was also pretty upset about having to leave Stanley for the trip to Monterrey-he's moving really slow these days and I didn't want to be gone if anything happened, to say nothing of what it would have put my parents through. Speaking of my parents, they are in Colorado with some friends, and we are keeping their dog for 8 nights. And to cap off the month, we're going to see The Police Wednesday night. I think I will finally be rested up enough to really enjoy the show.

As of today, we only have two things to do in July. But for some reason, the activities always multiply every time we turn around.

The Grey Ghost

(Notice the fancy English spelling of Gray...)

Fred is our youngest cat, having just turned 5. He is also our most problematic pet, even outdoing Molly. The reason we call him the Grey Ghost is because very few people have actually seen him.

I hearn him meowing as a very small but adorable kitten underneath some scrub brush at the old house. I, of course, set out to catch him and keep him, even though this meant I was getting dangerously close to becoming the Crazy Cat Lady on the Corner. He was very wily, even as a tiny kitten, and would silently but quickly run to another scrub brush every time I got close. One day Stanley was out in the yard, and for some reason Fred decided to be friends with him, and that's how I caught him. Stanley is one of the few dogs that seems inviting to cats.

Unfortunately, I was going through a bit of a "hermit" period just after I caught Fred and brought him inside. I didn't have many people coming over, and he didn't get used to people at all during his very important imprinting time. I was the only person to hold him, and he doesn't even like me to if it's my idea. In true cat style, any contact has to be on his terms. He seems to be afraid of everything and everybody. He still runs away from Jav most of the time.

Fred also ended up having alot of health problems, which adds to his already skittish nature. He's had one urinary tract infection due to lack of water, and his gums are almost constantly infected. He's better about drinking water as long as his gums are healthy. He has to have a cortizone shot every 6 - 8 weeks for his gums. If he is going through one of his bad gum periods he waits until Gabriel is asleep and Jav and I are finished with dinner before he'll come out and finally try to eat. The other cats seem to pick on him because he is the youngest, and also the runt. This drives me crazy, so I get mad at them and they get even more resentful.

Despite all of this, Fred has very lovable qualities, even though they may only be apparent to me. Once he decides he wants to curl up in your lap, he will stay until you kick him off. He is truly the best hunter in the house, tracking down and killing any bug he happens to see. I think if he was allowed outside he would probably take down all kinds of critters. He is a beautiful cat, with blue-green eyes and silvery fur. I constantly go back and forth about whether or not I should have let him be an outside cat. He either would have thrived, or he wouldn't have made it near this long. I'm just not sure.

We leave for Monterrey today, and because Fred doesn't do well with breaks in routine we need to board him while we're gone. He apparantly has figured this out and has gone into hiding. I will go on doing what I can to help Fred be a happier cat, since I feel guilty that part of the reason he is the way he is is my fault.

I must now leave you to continue my quest for the capture of the elusive Grey Ghost.

6/21/07 addendum: I successfully found Fred before our trip, boarded him, and the vet not only cleaned his teeth, but ended up pulling 4 of his molars (two on each side, where he was having the most problems with his gums). The vet told me this is the first time he's ever done anything this drastic to solve a cat's gums problems, but he really thinks this will help Fred to be a happier guy from now on. It's still too early to tell yet, but I hope he's right.

Give it away Give it away Give it away now

Last week, a very unpleasant smell was wafting from our garage, or so we thought. I was convinced that some small animal had made his or her way into one of the boxes in our garage and never made it back out. I told Jav that our garage was a rat-trap (possibly literally), and we really needed to get it cleaned out. It turned out that the smell was a dead possum that was in the monkey grass on the side of the house. We assume that the direction of the wind that day made it seem like the smell was coming from the garage. But the wheels are in motion in my head now, and I want to tackle that garage.

The problem is, I know we could make a little extra money if we had a garage sale. But I have never had a garage sale, and the thought of having to clean up all of that junk, er, I mean stuff, set it out on card tables or whatever, and ruin a perfectly good weekend of my life makes me a little sick to my stomach, just like the smell did. I really want to start taking it in batches to Good Will. Or better yet, let someone come and pick it up. But then I know I'll feel guilty about not contributing in my small way to making some income for us.

And then there's the Ebay argument. Jav thought it would be great if I could try to sell some of the nicer items of junk, er, I mean stuff, on Ebay. I started with a really pretty Bombay Company jewelry box, which I originally paid around $40.00 for, and was in really good shape. I ended up selling it for my starting bid of $10.00, and then proceeded to spend $20.00 on packaging supplies to get it shipped to the buyer. Then I realized I didn't charge him enough shipping cost, and the 2.50 balance came out of our $10.00. This all made me so mad that I swore I'd never sell anything on Ebay again. Jav thinks this first time shouldn't count in the formation of my opinion, keeps pointing out how much I learned, and wants me to try something else before I completely give up on the idea. So I am going to try again, with an antique pewter twin hurricane lamp. That doesn't work, but is really pretty. And will cost an arm and a leg to ship because it's so fragile.

And if anything goes wrong, I will load up my car the next day with everything I can fit in it, and they will not be able to unload it fast enough at the Good Will drive through.

How are the Mighty Dogs fallen...

I am very, very sad today. I found out yesterday that Stanley, my 13-year-old Wonder Dog, has an aggressive type of cancer. We kept finding little lumps on his sides, and even though I was worried it was probably something serious, I was still hoping the vet would say that they were just cysts. Molly has been staying really close to him (see picture), which only proves dogs have alot more insight than people give them credit for.

This dog has been so wonderful for me, and for all of us in our family. He needed me to help him, and because of that he ended up helping me and pretty much changed my life. I was SO hoping that when it happened, he would just go to sleep one night and not wake up. Now I have to be concerned about whether or not he is in pain (it's so hard to tell with dogs, they can be very stoic), or if I'm trying to hold onto him when I need to let him go. This is really the only really bad thing about owning pets. They just don't live long enough, even though my sweet Wonder Dog has already beaten the odds. I just have to be really positive and love him like crazy until I think it's time. But it sure does hurt.

An apple a day?

Molly, the dog with the incredible iron stomach, decided that one of the fake apple Christmas ornaments (that I use as cat toys) would actually taste pretty good. This was all that was left when I got it away from her. The carpet was a really pretty shade of magenta too. We will add this to the list of amazing things Molly has eaten.

Fun with Activity Mats 101

We have been given three hand-me-down activity mats, and the latest fun thing to do is line them all up like a long tunnel and let Gabriel creep around and go crazy.

Moments of joy

Do you ever have those moments where you feel so profoundly happy that everything in the world seems to make perfect sense for awhile? I seem to always get them early in the morning at sunrise, or at dusk, which makes me think I either have a real connection with the sun or the moon, but I don't know which. I had one tonight. It's been such a great day. Gabriel and Jav gave me a Bougainvillea and a giftcard to Calloway's for our front bed plants. Our neighbors Billie and George brought me a card and a geranium, proving once again that they are the best neighbors in the whole world. Jav went to get my favorite blueberry cake donuts for breakfast. I got to take a nap. We went to see my Mom and give her the garden bunny Gabriel and I picked out, and my Dad got to see Gabriel pulling up on everything and trying to stand. Jav went to get On The Border for dinner (fish tacos=smiling face). We ate outside with Gabriel in the perfect eating outside weather. It was after dinner that I got to have my best gift of the day. I was just standing doing dishes, looking out at our beautiful backyard as the sun went down. I was listening to a combination of Jav and Gabriel having their post-bath goings on and 90.1 At Night, going from Brave Combo to Ella Fitzgerald to an obscure Beatles and then to k.d. lang. The dogs and cats were laying about here and there. And it hit me how incredibly happy I am right now.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Moms I know, and especially to my own ever-patient, always-there-for me, hilariously funny and totally understanding Mom.

Storms

What is the deal with the weather this year? Maybe we just got complacent over the last couple of years since we had virtually no rain. Our bad weather siren has gone off 8 times so far this year. (Jav thinks whoever runs it has decided to sound it off even when it's not necessary-a CYA move of some sort). We have been in either Gabriel's closet or our internal hallway 7 of those times. The first time was just total panic that we didn't even know where to go in this house. But in the weeks that followed, I have got the storm drill down to an art.

First I get Gabriel to a contained area so I won't have to worry about him. Then I calmly start finding and picking up cats to put in their carriers. I can always catch Henry (poor guy is blind and can't run away all that well), and Bones, and sometimes Zoe. But I have never and will never catch Fred. He burrows under a bed or a couch so far and is extremely wily. He's really more like a ferret than a cat. So he's on his own if push ever really comes to shove. Then I corral the dogs in the hallway by shutting all doors to rooms off the hallway and putting down some boxes in the one open area where there is no door. Then I turn on the radio in Gabriel's room, hunker down and wait. This is a stressful time; not only because of wondering what's happening outside, but because the dogs are restless and panting, the cats are wailing and scratching their carriers, and Gabriel is usually starting to get squirmy. If nothing happens for awhile or the threat seems to go away, we move to our bedroom and watch David Finfrock. Gabriel's first memories are going to be of watching brightly colored storm-tracking radar with Mommy. If we're really lucky, Jav is home to help out with all of this hullabulloo too. But that's only happened twice, and I have accepted the fact that I'm probably on my own. And so far we are very thankful to only have received lighting, thunder, some wind and tons of rain.

I feel for all the people in our area that are having to deal with losses, big and small, from Mother Nature.

On a soapbox, and with a mission

I am passionate about food, cooking and healthy eating. My passion is slowly turning to anger, however, since we decided to be a single-income family.

I think the idea of Whole Foods Market, with organically grown, safe food throughout, is a great idea. I also love the idea of the new small neighborhood markets popping up around the country which stock locally produced organic items (see Amy Culbertson's article in yesterday's Star Telegram). But to shop at these places on a regular basis is completely out of our budget.

Even at Wal-Mart, where I grudgingly shop due to their low prices, I have a hard time staying in our budget. I have determined that it costs less to purchase frozen dinners or the processed boxed kit-type meals than it does to buy each item to make the meal from scratch. It's also cheaper to run by a fast-food restaurant than it is to try to cook. No wonder we have a problem with obesity, high cholesterol and heart disease in this country!

My mission is to start exploring why this is so, and to somehow involve myself in a change. Healthy eating should not be a luxury item for the wealthy, but should be available to everybody as a choice.

When the circus comes to town...

I will never take Gabriel. At least if the circus uses live animals. I have been a contributor to The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee for about 5 years now, and I think that the work they do is truly amazing. It is a huge parcel of land where retired and ailing show elephants can go to rest, play, and remember what it was like to live outside of captivity. Once the elephants make it there, they never have to perform for an audience again. They do allow volunteers, but only to work around the property or in the office - not to see the elephants. They have grown from having just a few Asian elephants to having a large Asian community, an African barn that's growing and a Quarantine barn for newcomers.

Show elephants are picked up in many different ways(straight from the wild, from private owners or from overcrowded zoos), and their lives are pretty terrible from then on. The young are usually separated from their mothers too early. They are made to stand for unbearable amounts of time, and rarely have chances to lay down to sleep, which is the position elephants are naturally inclined to. Because of this they develop severe problems in their feet and legs, and sometimes their entire bone structure. Sometimes they are beaten to rehearse and/or perform, and have multiple injuries along with psychological stress disorders. Also, their health is not looked after well, and they develop tuberculosis or other life threatening diseases. So to be able to finally get to a place where they are loved and cared for, allowed to roam around outside, splash around in mud puddles, and generally have a good time is a reward all of them have earned in their lifetimes.

The way I found about the Sanctuary was through a daughter of a good friend of our family. When Linda was young, she worked with a young elephant at Six Flags names Sissy (or maybe it was at Seven Seas - a precursor to Sea World that used to be located near Six Flags). Years later, Linda developed ovarian cancer, and was given only a short time to live. Somehow, she found out about the Elephant Sanctuary and discovered that Sissy was one of the retired elephants living there. She would watch the web cam day and night in her last months, and when she passed away, her request was for people to consider donating to the Sanctuary in lieu of sending flowers.

I now receive a quarterly newsletter, and love reading about what these dedicated people and volunteers are accomplishing. These majestic creatures do some wondrous things, whether it be playing, showing affection for each other and their caregivers, or gathering around one of their "sisters" when the end is near to sing her on her way. It's so hard to get through those articles when one of them dies, but worth it to learn how much elephants are actually like us.

I know it will be hard to explain all of this to Gabriel when the time comes and all of his friends are going to the circus, but I will let him pick an elephant to feed and turn him on to the web cam. And this post is to persuade anyone with kids to think about doing the same thing. If enough people catch on, maybe the day will come when no one wants to attend circuses using animals, and they are forced to stop the practice altogether.

Organizing Junk

I spent all morning reorganizing our garage full of stuff. It was driving me crazy. I found some stuff that should have never been put out there. I got two beds situated for Bones, our outdoor cat who considers the space to be HIS garage. I found one slightly hibernating lizard (he was a big sucker), and a mama Charlotte spider with her egg sac close at hand. I put some of the baby stuff up into the attic, along with some Christmas stuff that never made it back up. I threw a couple of things away, which I hate doing. But how do you recycle used pillows that are yellowish and dirty from sitting in a garage for over a year? Yuck!

When I was finished, I had a possible Ebay pile, a garage sale pile, a "what in the world are you thinking" pile for Jav and a keep pile. I guess if you just walked into our garage you would never know I had actually put any effort at all out there, but I know, and that's all that matters.

I'll get to the pictures of the remodeled bathroom eventually. We still aren't supposed to mess with the tub, which looks great.

Goodbye pink!

The only thing I didn't really like about this house when we moved in was the guest/kids' bathroom. It wasn't done for guests, or for kids in general. It was decorated for a little girl. A very feminine girly girl. Everything was pink. The wallpaper was pink and gray stripes. The floor was pink and white linoleum. The shower tile was pink and white. The toilet was pink, and the tub was a weird pinky-peach color. It was awful, to say the least. I wanted to gut it and start over. So when we found out we were going to have plumbing work done in the wall, in which the cabinets would have to be moved and the wall torn up, we decided to go ahead and take the plunge and remodel. (A little scary monetarily with one income right now).

So we now have new cabinets with built-in sinks, new floor tile, new shower tile, white walls, and a white toilet. And tomorrow the final step will be finished as our tub gets repainted white. We decided to go with green and white, since green is Jav's and my favorite color, it's gender neutral, and it goes well with the rest of the house. I'm posting the BEFORE pics today, and will get the AFTER pics tomorrow.

Fresh

I'm trying to maintain an herb garden for about the 3rd year in a row. I really want to pay enough attention to them this year to keep them from dying out. I have chocolate mint, basil, lemony thyme, rosemary and oregano. I'd still like to add sage and dill to make it complete for this year. And I love the addition of my St. Francis statue in the middle of my herb garden. It makes it seem like a real garden. I used the basil and the thyme last night to make Provencal Chicken and Stuffed Provencal Tomatoes. (The small white pot was the basil, and I pretty much stripped it clean.) My kitchen still smells like La Madeline this morning! There's nothing more satisfying than going outside and clipping off herbs that you are growing yourself and using them to cook. And we sat outside for dinner in the wonderful cool weather. Since we will not be traveling to France anytime soon, why not imagine using food and atmosphere?

April Fools!!

I'm not one to pull April Fool gags on people. It's hard for me to think of things that won't make people really upset before I break the news that I'm just kidding. But I got my husband today, and I am so very proud.

We recently had alot of plumbing work and remodeling done in our guest bathroom. I told him this morning that when I got out of our shower in the master bath, I went into that bathroom to get something and there was water all over our brand new floor as if something was leaking. I had even closed the bathroom door and put towels down in case the water seeped onto the hardwood floors. He had the "Oh Good God What's Next?" look on his face. As soon as he opened the door I whispered "April Fools". He couldn't get super mad at me because Gabriel was sleeping right next door (also part of my Master Plan). Now I have to be on my guard for the rest of the day. And probably next April 1st.

Now I remember why I never prank anybody.

Fighting the instinct and losing

Well, we found out the reason Gabriel cried so much the first night we tried to skip the nighttime feeding is because he was cutting his first two teeth. He had two brand new little bottom toothies the next day. I felt so bad about just letting him cry for so long. Then the next two nights he slept right through the night. But now he's waking up again sometime between 3 and 5. I decided that I'm not going to worry about it if he wakes up. As my Mom pointed out, if we wake up hungry in the middle of the night, we get up and get a snack. So that's all I'm doing - getting him a snack since he can't get up yet.

Two shows I'll give up sleep for

One, I'm ashamed to admit, is American Idol. I got tired of never knowing what people were talking about, so I've watched it from the auditions this season. And I can't wait to see it each week. If you're a fan, I'm rooting for Blake and Jordin. Blake's updated version of Time of the Season by The Zombies was pure genius last week.

The other show is The Riches on F/X on Monday nights. The main reason I love this show is because of Eddie Izzard (see previous post). He's brilliant in it, even though it's more dramatic than comedic. Minnie Driver is wonderful also. It's such a different premise (a family of grifters decide to steal the American Dream from some dead people), and so far the writing's holding up too. I think this role will finally bring Eddie into the mainstream. After all, now he'll be a cross-dressing comedian, movie AND TV actor. How much more mainstream can you get?

Fighting the instinct

It's three in the morning and I've been up for over an hour and a half listening to Gabriel cry. We're trying to break him of his middle-of-the-night feeding for the first night. Supposedly we have to go through this to get him to realize he'll have to eat more during the day. I've been in to comfort him a couple of times, scratch his back and tell him everything's ok, and once to change his diaper and give him something for teething pain. But I'm not supposed to cuddle or rock him, which goes against every maternal instinct I have.

Oddly enough, this is making me think of the book club selection I finished last night. It was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon, told from the perspective of a boy with autism. He doesn't like to be touched, and instead of hugging, his parents hold up their hands with fingers spread to touch his fingertips, and this means that they love him and he loves them back in his own way. I can't imagine how tough it would be to fight the cuddle instinct all the time.

And now my stomach is growling, but I'll be damned if I'm going to eat anything when I know he's in there hungry. This is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Spring Fever has sprung

And we want to be outside all day long!

It's showtime folks!!

One of my favorite movies of all time is All That Jazz, which is based on the life of choreographer Bob Fosse, but in the movie his name is Joe Gideon. Yes, it's a dance movie, but it's also about human weakness, drive and creativity, and ultimately facing your own death. It's a bit haunting also, because the entire movie is focused around the probability and then reality of Gideon dying from a heart attack, and Fosse actually died from one some time later after this movie was made. Gideon is brilliantly portrayed by Roy Scheider, who chain-smoked, pill-popped and tail-chased his way through the part. There is a recurring scene of Gideon getting himself going every morning with his morning routine. Hot shower, morning cigarette, popping the upper-of-choice for the day, splashing cold water in his face, and finally looking at his reflection and murmuring, "It's showtime folks" while listening to the same piece of classical music-I think it's either Bach or Vivaldi.

Trying to deal with a baby at my age has caused me to feel as if a truck ran over me every morning. It's taking more and more effort to get myself out of bed in the morning. Then it dawned on me this morning that I already have to have the hot shower and the cold water splashed on my face to get me going. I also have found that lately I crave drinks with LOTS of caffeine during the day, and a glass of wine to unwind in the evenings. I have this fear that if we try to have another baby, the uppers aren't far behind.

Rocket Science

I was walking Stanley yesterday and noticed a torn up Nerf rocket in the gutter. This prompted a string of really strong memories from my 5th Grade science project in Mr. Anthony's class. It's amazing to me to think of all the memories our brains have stored up, because this whole thing came back to me clear as a bell. We were supposed to construct a rocket out of balsam wood and test it to see if it would actually fly. I thought about the entire class going to the covered open-air recess area to spray paint our rockets silver. I could almost smell the spray paint and hear the muted rattley sound of the cans when we shook them up, and even remembered the lightheaded feeling I had from the fumes. I could recall how cool they looked hanging there to dry with the sun reflecting off the silver. I also remembered the feeling of absolute dread when it came time to try mine out to see if it worked. I don't think mine ever went anywhere, but there were those teacher's pets whose rockets went waaaaaaayy high up in the air. Science show-offs. And for some reason, all of these thoughts led me to have a strong craving for ice cream sandwiches. Aaahh, the carefree days of elementary school.

Community

Jav and I attended our first ever Neighborhood Association meeting last night. This may not sound like a big thing, but it was for us. We are both really shy and get super nervous about situations like that where we have to walk into a roomfull of people we don't know. But it wasn't that bad. I really want to get more involved in our neighborhood, especially since I'm home right now. We met alot of really nice people and are trying to remember names between now and the next meeting. There are many older people in our neighborhood, but we were glad to see several couples that looked around our ages. It wasn't a real exciting meeting, with most of the talk involving our Code Compliance officer and ALOT of complaints about repeat offenders from residents. But it still felt really good to be sitting there among residents, old and new, with all of us just wanting to solve problems to preserve the beauty and uniqueness of this neighborhood.

I would also like to get more involved at our parish. We had Gabriel's baptism a couple of weeks ago, and it was such a feeling of comfort to think of the whole congregation standing behind our little guy, helping him grow up. We are starting to meet more and more people (it's amazing how holding a baby can break the ice), we love Father Richard and Deacon Tom, and just feel more and more at home each time we attend.

No picky eater here

Gabriel started solid foods about 3 weeks ago, and is loving having a new variety of tastes each day. We've only gotten through the cereals and the vegetables, and will start fruit tomorrow. How exciting! I love to watch his little face every time I give him something new. I know we'll probably go through some stages of not liking much of anything, but right now he seems to be open to just about anything. (I mean, how can anybody be thrilled to try the exciting new taste of mushed-up peas?) I am a firm believer in variety when it comes to food. I don't understand the concept of Meatloaf Mondays, Tuna Casserole Tuesdays, etc... The checkers at the grocery store always groan when they see my basket full of bags of produce, some of which is completely alien to them. I just hope Gabriel will be a lifetime tryer of new foods and tastes. It took me until I was into my late 20's before I realized how good asparagus, brussel sprouts, squash and tons of other vegetables and fruits could be. They just have to be good quality and fresh to begin with and not over- or undercooked. But right now, we'll just focus on getting through sweet potatoes and starting bananas tomorrow.

Unsinkable Molly

There was a new bright star shining in the Texas sky last night. Molly Ivins finally succumbed to breast cancer yesterday. If you've never read her columns or books, it's hard to convey just how much she was a cut above her peers. In this age of plasticine news anchors whose main goal seems to be to entertain us or figure out whether they should stand or sit while delivering the headlines, she managed to rise above the doldrums of the news industry and stick to hard core, intelligent reporting. She was not afraid to tackle any issue or industry, was fantastic at following the money linking big business interests with political donations, and she did it while all along retaining her glorious Texanese language and unfailing sense of humor. She was also able to remain true to herself.

I'm gonna miss her.

Favorite Christmas picture 2006

Gabriel update

We went to Gabriel's 4 month checkup today. He is 26-1/2" long and weighs 20 pounds! My arms and back knew he was getting pretty heavy. We've had alot of firsts this week. He started really paying attention to Jav and I eating, and has been trying to grab bowls and plates off the table. He has figured out the button on the musical turtle in his crib will make it light up and change songs if he kicks it. He has started laughing ( a real belly laugh, not just a giggle) when we tickle him, although it's still a rare occurance. He also turned over from front to back for the first time today, while I was out of the room, of course. And the biggest deal is that he started cereal today. So many changes coming so fast. I'm just so so so glad I'm not working and get to see it all.

Recycling rant

I am getting really irritated with the people in my neighborhood. I don't see many recycle bins on the curb when I walk the dogs, just the trash bins. I guess it does take a little extra effort to take the labels off of cans and rinse out bottles and cans, but there's no exuse on the newspaper. I really don't think there's an exuse for not doing any of it, actually. I think I went a couple of weeks where I only recycled the really easy stuff when we brought Gabriel home. But since he's the reason I try to recycle, I gradually worked back up to what I was doing before. Our bin is almost full every week, which I am pretty proud of.

This was the first Christmas where I felt really wasteful for buying wrapping paper. You can't put it in the recycle bin. The bags are reusable, but expensive. I would really like to do something more creative and less throw-awayish next year. The same for gifts. It's amazing how hard it can be to try to get away from the advertising-driven BUY BUY BUY attitude. I know Santa can't really skimp on the kids' gifts, but I hope to have the time to really give thoughtful and environmentally-friendly gifts to the adults next year. We're headed in that direction - we decided to exchange names in our family, with every adult just purchasing and receiving one present. Except that my parents surprised both Jav and I and my brother and his wife with gift cards to purchase trees for our yards, and a promise from my Dad to help us plant them, which I thought was just the BEST gift. I read in one of my Yoga magazine articles about a woman who was only giving gifts in three catagories: 1)charitable gifts in her family members' honor, 2) seeds, bulbs and plants, or 3) family-oriented gifts like board games. I like this idea, and really want to expand on it next Christmas.

Winter, in Texas?

What a lovely couple of days we've had. It turns out the weather was pretty nasty all weekend, but we didn't actually receive the ICY/ARCTIC BLAST that we were warned about until last night. We've been taking care of Gabriel, eating and sleeping, and that's about it. Our metabolisms have been reduced to that of a three-toed sloth. Hibernation can be a good thing!

I made garlic soup Saturday night, which to me is the absolute best thing you can eat on a cold night. You can really feel first your insides then your outsides warming up. Yesterday I made chili in the "slow cooker". When did crockpots become "slow cookers"? And why did the makers of "slow cookers" think that this would be a more glamorous name? Anyway, my food intake has been about twice the normal rate, but I've been moving slower so who knows how many pounds that translates into. But I really don't care. Everybody needs slow-moving weekends like this every once in awhile. It's just sad that it has to ice over to make us slow down and realize it.

Payback

I always make slight fun of all the people who go to the grocery store to stock up on food when we have ice/sleet/snow predicted in North Texas. I mean, even if we actually get one of those things, how likely is it that a) it will stick, and b) it will continue for more than one day. There are always people who have baskets full of food like they are early settlers preparing for the long winter ahead.

We had planned a trip to Fredericksburg tomorrow, just a one-nighter. Our first trip with Gabriel, and I've been packing all day. When the weather prediction all of sudden got worse, we decided to cancel our trip. Thinking we'd be gone this weekend, I didn't do any grocery shopping. I have NO food in the house. No soup, no meat, no fruit. Just peanut butter and bread, and about seven different kinds of cheese. I guess that will have to last us until someone comes to dig us out.

Vacation dreams part 2 (the realistic list)

These are trips that I can actually see taking in my lifetime.

1) Poetry festival. I would love to go to one of these on the East coast during Fall. Poetry, beautiful weather and leaves changing, crisp cool air during the days and cold enough for a fire at night. True perfection.

2) Hiking retreat, with hot showers and gourmet dinners. I do not have the stuff it takes to be a true camper. I don't like feeling grubby for days at a time, and I have a tendency to hate sleeping on the ground. I don't know that I'd even like RV life - I think I'd have a feeling of being a sardine locked inside my tin can at night. So this would be the way to go for me, because I love to hike. The more hills and tough spots the better. But I want to clean up and get a nice meal and a warm bed afterwards.

3) Family beach or mountain trip. This is something I've dreamed about ever since my brother had his first child. I think traveling with the entire family is so special, and the kids will remember those trips forever. I remember traveling places with my grandparents and parents, and it though it was just my brother and I, I have such great memories from those trips. My Mom always talks about the summer that their family and their two neighbors families all traveled to Colorado. She is still best friends with those girls to this day. Now we have kids in both families, and I can't wait for this to actually happen.

Vacation dreams part 1

Upon starting our new book club selection (The Best American Travel Writing 2006), I've been thinking about where I want to go one day. This is my "I can dream, can't I?" list. So here are my three absolute dream vacations:

3 months in Western Europe. I have been to Europe twice, once to Holland and once to Scotland. I stayed in one town for 4 days in Holland, and Jav and I honeymooned for a week in Scotland. These two trips have taught me that I am not an Organized Tour kind of a person. I don't see how people think that going to a different country every day for 2 weeks is seeing Europe. I like to sit in the cafes and watch people. I like to visit the local pub and hear the locals complaining about their soccer team. A museum or historical sight is ok every once in a while, but I do not want to fill up my days inside museums. I want to walk alot and have our own car and explore. I want to spend at least a week in each country, with two for Italy, just because it's Italy, and two for Germany, where I want to trace my ancestors.

3 months in Eastern Europe - Same as above, just different countries

Russia. I have this thing for all things Russian. I'm not sure what the word is for that. Ruskifile? When we found out Gabriel's middle name (Valentin) was Russian, we almost named him Dimitri. But I started thinking it sounded like a soap opera name. Anyway, I'd love to take a SAFE trip there. I read about organized crime running rampant and kidnappings of tourists, so I emphasize SAFE. The architecture in St. Petersburg would probably keep me there for the whole trip.

These are the trips I daydream about while I'm walking the dogs. Next post will be some slightly more realistic trips I yearn for.

Getting sentimental over an inanimate object

If there was one thing that made me excited each Christmas growing up, it was the sight of my grandparents Christmas tree every year. We would celebrate with them on Christmas night, and even though I loved the other gatherings, it didn't really feel like Christmas until we would walk into their house and see that tree. We knew what the evening would consist of - lots of singing to the Brothers Four Christmas album, the delicious smell of bacon coming from the kitchen for our traditional German Christmas dinner, me getting to play Santa's elf and pass out presents, and finally going around the room one at a time to open our gifts. We would always all be rolling on the floor with laughter because my grandmother would get the presents confused (she'd get kind of hectic as Christmas got closer and stop putting tags on things), and not realize it until the recipient had opened the gift and had a very confused look on his or her face. There was such a feeling of love and being safe and warm at their house. Those were the most special evenings of our Christmas every year.

After my grandmother died, I decided to take the tree and start using it. It had held up really well for the 30+ years they had been using it. I also took her decorations, which consisted of my grandfathers homemade ornaments, apples, and lots of things Mamaw had received as presents through the years. I put small multicolored lights on it, just like she had. It made me feel like I was 8 years old and back at their house.

Now that I've put up the tree for 4 years, the cats have gotten the better of it. They have jumped on the lower limbs so many times that alot of them had a permanent bend to them, so much so that they wouldn't stay in the little holes on the tree post. I decided to keep the top half of the tree for either the front porch or Gabriel's room next year. But I threw the rest of it away this morning, with tears rolling down my face. I'm going to miss seeing it every year.

Christmas memories

Things I want to remember about this Christmas:
Gabriel's first Christmas morning, even though he didn't really know what was going on
Christmas Eve Mass with all the dressed up beautiful children
Gabriel loving the sound of the jingle bell wreath
Enjoying walking the dogs, especially Stanley (I've been thinking this will be his last Christmas for three years now. He keeps proving me wrong.)
Shopping for a video camera with Jav, and being so tired that all I could do was focus on the big screen TV playing a Transiberian Orchestra concert.
Gabriel staying awake through both of our family Christmases, even though it was way past his bedtime. (That actually goes for me too).
Trying to put up the Christmas lights while passing Gabriel back and forth
Driving around with Gabriel, my Mom and Cade to look at Christmas lights. We knew Cade was
DONE when he asked if he could go home and watch TV.
April forgetting that the kids could hear her as she mumbled, "oh I remember what that is now" while Cade and Macy opened their Christmas gifts from Santa.
Singing every Christmas carol I know to Gabriel softly to help him fall asleep.
Being so thankful to have both Jav's and my parents healthy and young, and watching them with Gabriel.

Teachers

I just heard an interview on the BBC where the subject was encouraging people to find and thank teachers who may have inspired you.

Coincidentally, I ran into one of my high school teachers while grocery shopping in early December. Mrs. Roberson taught World History to sophomores and Current Events to seniors, and I had her for both. I did not dislike her back then, but I dreaded her classes because she had a tendency to ask questions of everyone in class, and I was terrified of speaking up in class all through high school. In the current events class, we read the newspaper and discussed all things going on in the world, and she would have a quiz once a week. Whoever answered the most questions correctly received extra credit points. I didn't understand why current events were important, and although I occasionally got a question right having to do with entertainment or pop culture, I never won the quiz.

She must be in her late 60's now, but still looks great and is still substitute teaching. I told her that I started listening to NPR in college, and think all the time about how I could win that quiz of hers every week now. I said that even though you don't realize it while back in school, after time goes by you remember the really great teachers, and that she was one of the few teachers I learned something from. She got a kick out of hearing that. She has some fantastic ideas about fixing public education, but no one is really listening to her, which is a shame.

I thought about teaching for awhile, but have changed my mind. I still think it's one of the most important professions because you are molding kids for the future. It's probably also a very rewarding career choice because you can actually see the result of your efforts. But I don't think I could live up to the standards Mrs. Roberson has set in this world of "teaching to the test". I really have respect for the good ones who could stand up in front of a bunch of smart-mouthed teenagers and still manage to get something to penetrate our thick skulls.

Lights Out

I was sitting in the rocker reading Gabriel his beautiful new edition of Goodnight Moon (thanks Tia Sandie) for the first time yesterday around 4 pm. Jav had run out to mail some stuff. We had just finished the book and were sitting very quietly listening to the rain, when a huge flash and the loudest pop I've ever heard seemingly hit right outside his bedroom window. It was like an explosion. Then the power went out. I went to let the dogs in, thinking that something outside might even be on fire. I looked outside and didn't see any flames or smoke, and breathed a sigh of relief. As I was trying to calm my way-too-rapid pulse, two freaked out dogs, several nervous cats and one slightly fussy baby, I busied myself with stumbling all over the house to find first a flashlight, then the electric bill so that I could call to report an outage, then my cell phone. While I was on the ridiculously long call, where I was finally told they knew about the outage and power would be restored by 6 (only an estimate, of course), the city siren started going off.

Well, last time we had a bad storm and that happened, Jav and I realized that we have no inside room to hide out in if a tornado ever is coming our way. We have one tiny hall closet, and the larger closet in Gabriel's room. That's it. So first of all, how are we going to fit humans and pets in these spaces? Secondly, how do you catch four cats when they know you are freaked out so they have decided to hide in places in your house that you don't even know exist? It dawned on me yesterday that all we can really do is pray that it never happens.

I called my parents to find out why the siren was going off, and by then Jav was home. We called George and Billie next door, and found out their power was on. We could see that everyone across the street still had power. We lit candles and prepared for a long night, figuring that the power company had bigger problems to fix other than our one little house. Gabriel fell asleep early (6), and we were sure he wouldn't last long without the dull roar of his humidifier. But the wonderful repair guys showed up around 7pm. They said they had to go into our backyard to see what happened and hopefully fix it. So while I tried to distract two dogs very quietly from noticing that strangers were trampling all over their territory, the men very quickly determined where the lightning had hit (where the line from the pole attaches to our house) and fixed it. Truly heroic people, who travel around in lightning and rain to fix other people's electrical problems. Whatever they make, it isn't enough.

"I am a lineman for the county..." It's going on my Ipod tomorrow.

An award-winning smile.

One of our warm November days on the back porch 

Tired after dancing around to the music from Charlie Brown Christmas 

Songs that transport me

The reason I started thinking about this has to do with my previous post about quitting my job. I was about to leave the house to drive to work and do this very profound thing, and I wanted to listen to some music so I wouldn't be so nervous. For some reason, I remembered what CD I was listening to the day I had my interview 10 years ago (Eric Johnson - Venus Isle), so I thought it would be fitting to listen to the same thing as I drove over to end my time there. It really had an effect on me to realize how much my life has changed in the past 10 years. But I also realized that music is my catalyst for memories. Some people remember what they were wearing at key moments in their lives; I remember what was on the radio.

I think I drive people crazy when we go to restaurants because I can't tune out the piped in mix of music in the background. I always stop in the middle of someone's conversation and say, "good song!" I actually wondered at one point if there was some type of career in making mixes for different restaurants to set the mood. I think I would be REALLY good at this, but I have yet to find out how to get into this very small niche.

I guess I just think music is very important, and can trigger so many different emotional responses. When I have been going through very tough times, I have a tendency to stop listening to music because it makes me very emotional. I remember when our dog Spencer finally succumbed to cancer, there was a Phil Collins song from the Disney Tarzan movie that was playing alot, and I couldn't listen to that song without thinking about Spencer and tearing up. In fact, I still can't.

When I discovered the Buena Vista Social Club outstanding CD of traditional Cuban music, I remember listening to it all the way through for the first time with my Mom driving down to Fredericksburg. We both realized how much my grandfather would have loved the music. Now I can't listen to it without thinking of him and imagining him humming along, or without thinking about that trip with my Mom and how much fun we always have on our road trips.

I won't ever be able to listen to a Carole King song again without thinking of Mom's surprise (sort of) birthday trip and seeing her live. Every time I listen to my Bread CD I think of my Dad, the smell of coffee and lazy Sunday mornings.

When I hear old-school country, especially Buck Owens, I think of Saturday nights at Nana and Papa's house. He would let me ride on his shins like a horse while he watched Hee Haw and Porter Waggoner.

And now, when I dance around the room with Gabriel (something I've discovered puts him to sleep faster and better than any other tactic), I realize I'm combining old memories of much beloved songs with making brand new ones. And even though none of his great grandparents ever got to hold him, they're smiling at the part they're getting to play in his life.

What-no engraved clock?

I am officially unemployed. I quit my job of 10 years last week after deciding that I would be a much happier person without it. Jav is a most wonderful husband to support me in this decision, but he above everyone else knows that I have been unhappy there for a couple of years now.

The owner of the company has always been great to me. He's bought us very generous wedding, housewarming and baby gifts. He's let me borrow company vehicles if one of ours was in the shop. He's approved raises and bonuses for me since I've worked there. But we had some issues about cash flow, and those differences of opinion made my job next to impossible most of the time.

My boss also has been wonderful to work for. She has always treated me with great respect and made me feel like my opinion about company issues really mattered. But we became good friends during the last 10 years, which complicated things in our work relationship.

I had already been out for 2-1/2 months of my 3 month maternity leave when I decided to quit. I tried to make things a little better by offering to work part-time to serve out a two-weeks notice, and even to help train my replacement. They were supposed to think about it and call me. Instead I got a letter saying thanks, but no thanks because you have left us in a bind, but good luck with your new life (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it).

I went up to say goodbbye to everyone and turn in my keys on Thursday. It made me a little sad - there are some really nice people who work there and I will miss them. Everybody was thrilled to meet Gabriel and wanted me to come back and visit often, except for the owner, who could barely look me in the eye and didn't even get up to hug me.

I guess I'm feeling as slighted as they are. After 10 years of working there, with the last 6 dealing with horrible cash flow issues in which the company was never slowed down with vendors refusing to ship because of my juggling of funds, and two years of paying off our bank line of credit with even more juggling, I felt like I at least deserved a hug goodbye and a little more understanding about wanting to be a stay-at-home Mom.

I will not miss the feeling of absolute dread I had started having every Monday morning at the beginning of each new work week. I will not miss having to field calls from angry vendors that we owed money to, or making sure I jotted down exactly when I told people I would pay them. I will not miss having my requests for better payment terms with vendors ignored, or salespeople giving special long terms to customers. I will not miss office politics and gossip.

I guess the only things I'll miss is some of the people and a paycheck.

Besides, I have a much more important job now, one that I enjoy more than anything I've ever done before because of that importance.

Baby talk

Gabriel, who turned 10 weeks old this week, has his own made up vocabulary already. It involves at least 10 or 15 words, half of them said with the use of his tongue. But make no mistake, he is saying sentences. He raises his eyebrows with certain words for emphasis, and says some louder than others. And he uses this Gabrielese to talk to anyone he happens to meet, whether it be in human form, or his bouncy seat animals, or the Snoopy characters on his bumper pad. He loves it when you speak this language back to him, and it almost seems as if he's testing me to make sure I'm getting it all.

Babies are amazing.

Religious rant

I am upset with the Catholic Church. This is pretty much a continual thing, although it complicated matters when I decided to convert to Catholicism when I married Jav.

There are facets of the religion that I absolutely love. I love that the Catholic church emphasizes nature and caring for the earth - go St.Francis! The music is always good. I love the actual service itself, especially on days where you have the Latin chanting and the incense. The feeling that you are participating in something that for centuries has led people to feel closer to God is very comforting to me. I like the ancientness (is that a word?) of it all.

But what I don't like is the ancientness of the Catholic ideals. I won't go into why I disagree with the stance on birth control, stem cell research and gay marriage. My rant today falls on a more personal level - regarding picking out future husbands/wives, and raising children.

My annulment was an awful thing for anyone to have to go through. I do not see how the details of my former marriage have anything to do with the current one. I also did not appreciate the feeling of being judged by a group of people who do not even know me, did not know my ex-husband, and do not know my current husband. It was very difficult to dredge up the past, and made worse by the fact that my family and friends, and my ex-husband and his family, had to be dragged into the whole process. But at least the annulment was approved after almost TWO YEARS of waiting. Luckily we didn't wait for this process, and were married by a Lutheran Bishop. I find it slightly amusing but mostly incredible that this did not qualify as a Holy Union in the Catholic Church's eyes.

The latest thing that has me baffled and upset is the rule about Godparents. They have to be Catholic. If you have people you want involved but that aren't Catholic they may only be called a "Christian Witness".

Now, doesn't the whole Christian idea revolve around "Love Thy Neighbor"? I don't think the early Christians meant to convey, "Love Thy Neighbor, unless they aren't Catholic, then you must only like them because they really aren't as good as we are." The nerve!

But I guess that's the problem with most religions. I remember when my grandmother pointed out to me the similarities between most major religions - Christianity, Muslim, Hindu. I was still in college, and it really opened my eyes. Since then it really rubs me the wrong way when any one sect tries to stick out their chest and prove that their way is the only way to true salvation. Especially when it's the one I belong to. And I have no idea how to fix the problem.

I told Jav I'm going to start lobbying for a Papal Suggestion Box in the foyer, right next to the Holy Water.

blah blah blah blah

I need for our dogs to understand what I'm saying to them for about the next three years or so. Just like in the Simpsons, when Santa's Little Helper finally starts hearing actual words instead of jibberish and saves himself from the pound. It's not the dogs fault. They're just doing what they've always done, which is to bark like mad at every person, dog, cat, squirrel, possum, branch or floating leaf that comes near our yard. The problem is that their favorite barking place is just outside of Gabriel's bedroom window. And even though he seems mostly oblivious to their barking while awake, they do wake him up during the day from his very infrequent and already short naps. So if I could just get them to understand that we still want them to bark, but only if a person is actually trying to come over, under, or through the fence. Of course, I would never take my dogs to the pound, but it would be nice to quit having to run outside hissing loudly for them to hush, then praising them for being such good watch dogs so they won't stop barking at people altogether.

A reflection of thankfulness

I've noticed (maybe because of my addiction to The Food Network) that Thanksgiving seems to have become more about the food than about being thankful for the things in our lives. So I'm reflecting on the things, big and small, that I am thankful for today.

I'm more thankful than ever for my wonderful family, the fact that we are all happy and healthy, and of course for my newest little bundle of love.

I'm thankful for my friends. We may not see each other as often as we'd like in these busy times, but my life would be much less rich without them.

I'm thankful for my pets, for the things they teach me, the moments they make me laugh, and the feeling of comfort just having them around me.

I'm thankful for moments like yesterday on the back porch, swinging with Gabriel in my lap, watching the sun filter through the trees with an occasional leaf falling, and hearing the birds talk to each other.

I'm thankful for my home, for having heat on cold mornings, and for having plenty of food in our cabinets.

I'm thankful for good neighbors like George and Billie. They may be older, but they are definitely wiser than most people I know, and more forward thinking and cool than alot of younger people.

I'm thankful for having a sense of humor and for laughter, with its ability to instantly make you feel better.

I'm thankful for getting to be an aunt to two of the cutest and sweetest kids ever.

I'm thankful for all of my happy memories of Thanksgivings gone by, and for grandparents who, although they are very missed now, left me with so many thoughts, stories and traditions to carry on.

I'm thankful for friendly people, like the woman in line behind me at Walmart yesterday. She was so genuine in her wishes for me to have a happy holiday season. When she looked at Gabriel and said, "You must be feeling very blessed this year", she inspired me to make this list.

I'm thankful for my ever-patient, truly kind, and very loving husband. He gives my life more meaning than I ever thought possible.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Now EAT UP!!!

Bugs are cool

I love to walk my dogs. It's something I really missed doing when I got so big and pregnant and it was 115 outside. I started walking them again two weeks after Gabriel was born, but it wasn't as enjoyable as before, mainly because it felt like my bladder was going to fall out and I was afraid I would trip over it and hurt myself. But all of that's better now, and I'm starting to focus on nature again, which I believe is really what makes taking walks enjoyable. I try to listen to the birds singing and take note of everyone's yard to see any good landscaping ideas. I try not to think about things I need to do at home, or something cute Gabriel did the night before. The here and now is what it's all about.

I was walking Stanley yesterday, and noticed all of these little brownish moths. They were everywhere, and I don't remember seeing them before. I wondered if all moths and butterflies migrate like Monarchs. Then I noticed that the moths look just like falling leaves, and realized that's why they are out this time of year. Nature is really amazing if you just pay attention.

Taken just yesterday, this was the beginning of a huge smile. 

The Halloween costume-in-process that didn't quite make it out the door.  

Just after a bath, which he is learning to like 

Chillin' in the crib 

Gushing over Gabriel

The range of emotions I've experienced over the past almost two months is too broad to go into detail. Having a child was something I wanted to do for 15 years or so, but it never seemed like it would be a reality (or a very smart thing to do) until I met and married Jav. You THINK you are prepared for what your life will be like. But nothing can prepare you for the weight of responsibility you suddenly feel, or for the realization that much of what you used to do doesn't seem very important anymore. Nothing can prepare you for the love you feel either.

I'm amazed to see the changes in Gabriel. It's a little daunting to see a little person's brain develop right before your very eyes. He is so alert and seems to want to take in as much as his senses will let him. He doesn't want to take naps during the day and fights going to sleep like crazy. If he does get to sleep he usually only sleeps for 10 to 15 minutes, then his eyes pop open and he starts looking around like "what did I miss?"

Our hardest time of the day is from 5 to 8pm. I try to start providing a calming environment to start winding down the day - no loud TV or music, no more bright lights, no more toys or activity mat playing. But it's hard to fill that much time. I've started walking him around the backyard, which he seems to really like. And he loves laying on his changing table and showing off for me that he can move his arms and legs, so I've started reading to him after I've changed his diaper and into his sleeper for the night. First I just read from the requisite "Baby's Bedtime Book", but now I've started reading poetry from my favorite poets too. He still is intent on stretching all those newfound muscles, but I like to think that he's hearing some of it. Then I rock him and sing him some of my favorite music - all soothing voices, in my opinion. Steeley Dan, Shawn Colvin, Sting, Indigo Girls. Not really conventional lullabies, but just as effective because I know and love the songs so much. And even when the quiet times are over and the crying has begun, I'm learning how to deal with it. I have a feeling of achievement like climbing Mount Everest when I have rocked him to sleep and put him down for the night.

I watch him sleeping during the day sometimes, and wonder how he can laugh in his sleep when he hasn't actually laughed while awake yet. I love talking back to him in his baby language.

My favorite time is watching him wake up in the morning. He usually focuses first on the light coming through our bedroom window, then checks the ceiling fan, and eventually gets around to seeing me and the biggest grin erupts on his face. That is pure happiness in a bottle for me.

I worry about him picking up on my bad traits or somehow messing him up. I already want the world for him - but at the same time try to remind myself that I just want him to be happy.

We went to Mass for the first time yesterday since the Saturday before I had him. I was kneeling and thinking about how big I was with him last time I was there, and I thought about how much more important, rich, fun and wonderful my life had become - and I started to cry. I'm so incredibly thankful to God for bringing him into our lives.

Post Partum Pontificating

Now that it's been six weeks since I gave birth, I have some observations. This is not about the wonderful little chunklet that is starting to develop his own personality and laugh alot. This is about me.

I am having trouble accepting the fact that I am no longer "eating for two". I gained 42 pounds while pregnant, and lost all but 15 in the first two weeks after giving birth. I thought, "Wow, that was easy!" I had managed to get it down to 12, but now I've gained it back. I wonder if it's because I still am eating GIGANTIC bowls of ice cream before finally taking my two hour nap at night while Jav watches Gabriel. Or because I have The Food Network on most of the time, and as a result am hungry and snack all day, usually on something made out of chocolate. I pretty much ate whatever I wanted while pregnant. It's time to have a sweet-tooth reality check.

Pregnancy does some awful things to your body. I don't have stretch marks, but I have a new and wide variety of varicose veins. My hips have widened so much that I doubt I'll ever get back into my old jeans. And I won't go into all of the issues I'm having due to the birth itself. Suffice it to say that my pee used to come out going straight down, and now it doesn't. But... all of it doesn't matter one iota when I look at the result. And I hope to put my body through it again, probably sooner than it's ready for me to.

One of the hardest and most emotional things I've ever gone through is my attempt at breastfeeding. I guess I didn't start reading about it soon enough (I waited until I had about a month to go), and I underestimated two things. 1) I thought it would be easy, and 2) I didn't realize the deep feeling of closeness it would give me. I am heartbroken that it didn't work out, and am having much more depression about it than I did about not being pregnant anymore. I'm less upset about not being able to provide Gabriel with all of the benefits healthwise, although that figures into it. It's more about the bonding during those moments when you are providing milk for your child, as nature intended it to be.

It's amazing what you can accomplish while being completely sleep-deprived. I guess it's Mom Adrenaline. You have this mad determination to get things accomplished, even though you probably won't get anything at all done. My friend Olga noticed this when I went to get my haircut. She said I was scaring her with that determination, talking too loud and walking too fast. But it's just a survival instinct that kicks in.

Having six pets and one child is like having two children, one of which is bad most of the time.

Well, the baby's up and hungry. I'll post pictures next time and talk more about him, and hopefully it will be sooner than six weeks.

Mad love

Our baby boy is here. I've never felt such a rush of love like this in my life, and it gets sweeter and stronger every day.

Welcome to the world, little Gabriel!

Great books, great friendships

I love the book club I'm in. We called ourselves Free Spirits Book Club, because we didn't want to have too many rules. The first book club I was in had alot of rules, and I thought most were ridiculous.

We meet on the 1st Wednesday of the month, right now alternating between a member's house for dinner and eating out. We don't have books picked out for the eating out meetings, and it's fun to just catch up with everybody over dinner without discussing a book (although with a bunch of read-fiends like us, books inevitably come up anyway).

We want everyone to come, even if they didn't finish the book (even if they didn't pick up the book), which I'm finding out is unusual for a book club. I think the only suggestions we have regarding book selections is no blatant religious or political topics that might offend someone. Other than that, anything goes. Along with plenty of current fiction, we've read a couple of non-fictions, a play, and historical fiction. I can't remember anyone choosing a classic yet. We might get some moans and groans, but I think everyone would at least try. I've read some great things I would have never picked up otherwise. And it's just so interesting to hear different perspectives. Our ages range from 30's to 60's, all of us with diverse backgrounds and outlooks. The only things you have to have in common is a love of reading and an appreciation of female frienships.

Even though I knew over half of them before the club started, the women in the club have all become even more special to me. I know we're getting at least one new member this month, and we have two more possibly thinking of joining, and I'm looking forward to hearing what they bring to the discussion. I'm determined to keep going even after the baby comes. I would miss everyone too much, and my soul needs it.

October Book Selection: (Sue's choice) The Reading Group by Elizabeth Noble
Review: 430 pages and I couldn't put it down. I read it in 4 days, some kind of record for me (plus I have alot of time on my hands at the moment). I could identify with several of the characters SO MUCH. It's about a group of women who form a reading group, and the twists and turns their lives each take throughout the first year of the group.

Ready and waiting, waiting, waiting...

Everything's done. The nursery is ready. The clothes are washed and hung up, the furniture is all put together, the pictures are hung. The bag is packed for the hospital. I think we are finally prepared for this monumental happening that is about to take place. But all we can do is wait. The biggest change in your life, and you have NO control over when it happens. Wow.

Good old Stanley, posing. My Mom spray painted her old nightstand, and we found the waste basket on Ebay.

Our theme-two of my husband's favorite things, Snoopy and sports.

Fresh Air!

After the wonderful day of rain we had Labor Day, the air is so different outside. I have been enduring this summer for about as long as I can stand it, and for the first time this morning was able to open up every window (that works) and air out the house. I don't think I've done that since sometime in May. It feels so good!!!

I have a friend at work that claims her allergies are so bad that she can never open up any windows in their house, and rarely spends any time outside. I feel so sorry for her - but my very uneducated theory is that if she'd just spend more time outside, maybe her system would get used Texas air (she's originally from Illinois). I couldn't live that way. I'd feel like I was on an airplane all the time, breathing the same air over and over again.

We've already decided that next year's big money house project is to replace all of our windows. These original windows are kind of cool. They basically have three diagonal panes with two horizontal panes with screens between them, and open with a hinge. But there are quite a few panes with screen missing, and some hinges that are stuck shut. Plus the windows all leak all kinds of air, probably just because the house has settled so much in 40+ years. So I'm really excited about replacing them. We get to have even more ventilation when we want it, and less energy costs when we don't!

The Money-Hungry Dog Whisperer

I love watching The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel. I have learned so much about what I should have done to train my dogs better. Stanley's 12 and 1/2 and I don't think I see him changing much - and frankly don't think he should have to at that age. But I still have hope that we can remove a little of the dominance out of Molly. We are, of course, a little concerned about bringing a new baby home and how the dogs will react, and I saw a great episode about just that. In the show, Caesar used a special, new harness to get a dominant dog to start treating the humans walking him as pack leaders. It had one strap way up right under the dog's jaw, one farther back on the neck, and one strap behind the dog's shoulders. It was a really interesting show, because apparantly dogs automatically know once the baby is born that he is a pack leader also, being our offspring, albeit a very tiny one at first.

Well, we decided to try to find this newfangled harness and couldn't find one at Petsmart, or anywhere online. So I emailed the Dog Whisperer on his website, where they encourage questions of any kind, asking about the harness. I'm not sure what kind of help I expected, but what I didn't expect was finding THREE emails the next morning trying to hawk Caesar's books and upcoming video. This continued for a couple of days, and then I unsubscribed, even though I had never subscribed in the first place. I still like watching his show, I guess, but I've lost alot of respect for him now. And I still haven't found the blasted harness.

Neighbors

We have some great neighbors that really seem to care about each other. When we moved in, we introduced ourselves to everyone right around us. We have the best neighbors ever next door, George and Billie, who we guess are in their late 70's or early 80's and have lived in their house since it was built in the 50's. We always chat with them when we're both outside, which is pretty often. We've even gone so far as to take them some banana bread, and they've given us some muffins. We also tried to talk to our other next door neighbor, Roland, who was 82, a widower and a little gruff. But he seemed to enjoy our company the couple of times we talked with him. Unfortunately he passed away about a month ago, and now his house stands empty. We're not sure what his family plans to do with the house. But we really haven't spoken much to our across-the-street neighbors since we moved in.

A couple of months ago one of them was trimming some tree branches from a ladder after some strong winds had knocked them down to his roof. He fell and was knocked unconscious, and another neighbor ran to tell his wife to call 911. The last update we've had is that poor Gerry was in a medically induced coma, supposedly so that the surgeon could put steel posts in his neck and hopefully reverse any paralysis that has set in since the fall. Several of our neighbors have been taking care of his wife, getting her car battery replaced, feeding her cat during the first few weeks when she was at the hospital nonstop, doing yardwork, driving her to the hospital if she needs a ride. I think this is wonderful, but it seems like reverting back in time to see people pulling together in a community.

I was lucky with the rent house where I lived previously, having Mike and Susan next door, but I had known them already half my life. All of my other neighbors were a little scary and I had no desire to get to know them better other than briefly saying hello from time to time. So I'm not used to this caring neighbor thing. I want to let Gerry's wife know that we are thinking about them and to let us know if she needs anything, but I just can't seem to get the nerve up to go knock on the door, having only spoken to her once before. I feel like I'm invading her privacy. I'm determined to get over whatever is holding me back, though. I want to be a good neighbor too.

I love TV again

Jav very much surprised me with a DVR for my birthday. We had batted the idea around, thinking that once the baby comes our TV watching hours may be very strange, but we sort of ruled it out based on cost and I thought that was the end of it. Turns out he had already run with the idea (sorry, honey, but you must admit it was a Homer gift!).

I had almost stopped watching TV three or four years ago. But since I met Jav I have rediscovered how fun it can be to catch your favorite shows every week. And no matter how bad it may be for your brain, it's nice to unwind to. Right now we're excited about the US Open, and catching some of those matches that they show while we're at work. We want to see Agassi hopefully go out with a bang. As far as network shows, I know we'll be taping The Office and My Name is Earl every week. And we'll be excited to start the Sopranos once it's back. I'd also love to have the time to catch The Daily Show every night, and maybe even add one of the late night guys. I think I'm still a Letterman fan above everybody else, but with the option to go later I'm curious about Conan and Craig Ferguson (who my Mom thinks is great). But I doubt I'll have the time or energy to watch that much TV. It's just nice to know it's there if I do.

Friends

My friends threw me a wonderful baby shower. Great food, advice, conversation and friendship coming together to celebrate this little cause of wonder I have inside me. I'm very thankful that we've all stayed close throughout the years. I am not one to make close friends very easily. I've made a few through work. I'm feeling closer and closer to my sisters-in-law as we all get to know each other better. I hope to make some through church. But it's such a great feeling to get together with my high school friends and slide right back into wherever we left off. The years just disappear, and all the talking and laughter we share is so therapeutic and valuable to me. I hope we can manage to keep it up for many years to come.

Thanks again Audra, Jana and Julie!

Project Runway FEVER

My favorite show of the moment is Project Runway. It's just so fun to watch. I've been addicted since the first season. I think it has something to do with being amazed (and a little jealous) that the designers can come up with outfits so fast, going from drawings to material scraps to finished runway pieces in one or two days. It's also a personality goulash where you get to see all aspects of human competition, from teamwork and respect to bitchiness and downright cheating. The show's also made me a big fan of Heidi Klum, who is not just another Victoria Secret model. She's the producer, proving to have quite a brain in hitting the jackpot of reality shows. She's also very family-oriented and grounded.

I've been ok at picking the final three contestants-so here goes my prediction for this season's final winners: 1) Michael, the very cool and extremely nice and grounded kid from Atlanta who calls his Mom when he gets stressed out; 2) Uli, the quiet and unassuming German girl who loves prints and does amazing things with them and 3) Jeffrey, the neck-tattooed rock and roll designer from Austin who is starting to clash with everyone.

Is it Wednesday night yet?

Swollen and Salt-Free (sort of)

Since I am nine months pregnant in one of the top-ten hottest summers Texas has ever seen, my ankles pretty much resemble those of a small elephant's from the time I get out of bed these days. It hasn't helped that my work has finally realized that I will be gone awhile and people will have to do what I do - so they have me running around trying to train 4 different people. My legs got so bad Thursday and Friday that Jav and I decided to give up some of my vacation time that I was saving for after the baby comes. I went to half-days today, which should help. I'll still be off the same amount of time, but we'll have less money to stretch out while I'm off.

Because I'm getting so swollen, I'm trying to find meals that have the least amount of sodium, which has proved to be sort of hard. We're pretty much down to grilling meats, and having sides of fresh fruits and vegetables and a little bread. I am not one to buy canned vegetables or frozen dinners, so I guess the transition has been easier for me than some. But I'm still amazed at the amount of salt in foods I never would've thought had much. My cranberry juice has 250 mg - why? The lunchmeat with the lowest amount was roast beef, which also surprised me. And don't even get me started on salad dressings. I've become even more addicted to label reading than I was before, so it took me an hour and a half to get through grocery shopping yesterday. (It didn't help that the Braxton-Hicks got really strong while I was there and I was stopping to breath every other aisle-but I learned it's a great way to clear out a crowded aisle!)

Critic's Corner

We've watched several movies over the past few months that I never commented on. I think we've finally caught up on watching the Best Movie nominations for last year's Oscar's (except for Munich, which neither of us wanted to see).

We had already seen Crash, which won Best Picture. I now can say with a clear conscience that I agree with them, although I must admit the reason is more about the themes of racism they explored more than anything else about the movie.

We saw Good Night, and Good Luck about three months ago. Here's where I have to admit pregnancy may have affected my normal movie watching skills. I thought there was waaaaayyy too much talking and was slightly bored by the movie, even falling asleep for a part of it. I loved the jazz singer all the way through, though. Jav thought it was better than I did. I probably need to give it another chance one day to see if it was just hormonal.

Truman held my attention all the way through, and I thought it was the next best nominated movie after Crash. You should watch just to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman's amazing transformation into Truman Capote. He is great - and deserved to win every Best Actor contest for last year. The story itself is riveting, especially since it's based on actual events. I found myself thinking about the movie for weeks afterwards, especially pondering the question - how would it make you feel to know that your biggest success, including money and fame, was caused by other people's tragedy? It got me to thinking about all the books and movies coming out about 9/11 right now. Any movie that gets my brain juices flowing that much will be always well-remembered.

We watched Brokeback Mountain last weekend. It was as good as everyone's told me, and the acting was tops. Heath Ledger's performance was so subtle and understated, but SO moving and powerful everytime he was on the screen. Seeing this movie definitely made me a fan of his for life. I thought the story itself was sweet, sad and poignant.

A couple of other Oscar nominated performances are worth a mention:

I tried to watch Syriana, but found it so complex and all-over-the-place that my muddled brain couldn't take it. Jav and my Dad both fought it through to the end, but were still confused about parts of the story. Plus it's hard for me to watch something that's so close to actual events taking place right now that are so upsetting.

The Constant Gardener, with Rachel Weisz that won Best Supporting Actress, was an example of a complex plot that was followable (is that actually a word?) It had a very intriguing story, amazing acting and directing, but the horribly upsetting subject matter of the African people and their daily life amidst war and poverty. I'm still really glad we saw it, though.

Now, the best movie we've seen during this time period came out in January 2006 (and the fact that we agreed on that point says alot). Match Point, directed by Woody Allen, was unexpectedly brilliant and totally not what we were expecting. First of all, I figuired Woody Allen would be in it, which he is not. I am a fan of some of Woody Allen's movies, and this movie most reminded me of Crimes and Misdemeanors, which is my second favorite behind Hannah and Her Sisters. But it's even better. I thought the movie was very much like an Alfred Hitchcock thriller. You were on the edge of your seat the whole time. And the way the story plays out with the narration of the main character is just genius.

Preview of Coming Attractions:
We have a French thriller called Cache, The Wedding Crashers and Finding Nemo (no, believe it or not we haven't seen it yet) to watch and review soon.