Henry the Brave

This has been a hard year for our four-legged family members. We lost Stanley in August, thought we might lose Bones, but he ended up being ok, then lost Fred in December. Now we are praying for Henry to make it.

I noticed he had started being a little more reclusive than normal the last few months. I chalked it up to moodiness over Gabriel getting bigger and stepping on him occasionally, and perhaps to age (he turned 8 this month). Then I noticed he didn't seem to want to play with me at all, which is really unusual. Then about a month ago, I picked him up one day and realized he had lost weight. Alot of weight. Once again, I tried to rationalize that maybe he didn't like the new low-cal food I had started all the cats on.

I finally took him in Friday, and our vet found a huge lump where his right kidney should be. X-rays found something that is probably a tumor, and has gotten so large it's pushed his intestines over to his left side. He's lost almost 4 pounds since last September when he had his last checkup. (This would be like a human losing 30-40 pounds). I couldn't wrap my brain around what the vet was telling me. Other than being blind, Henry's always been the healthiest pet we've had. He keeps in shape, eats right, drinks lots of water. I always expected him to outlive all the other pets. I really couldn't think straight in the vet's office, I was so shocked and upset. And feeling very, very guilty about not bringing him in earlier.

Our vet rarely does organ removal, but he is willing to remove Henry's kidney for us. We could take him for an ultrasound to see if it looks like there's any spreading to other areas, but that will be at least $300-$500, and our vet has graciously said it isn't necessary for him to proceed with the surgery. I totally trust Dr. Norris, and have great faith in his abilities. I know he wouldn't have offered to do the surgery if he thought he wasn't qualified. And not that another vet wouldn't do his best, but having someone do the surgery who knows us and knows what an amazing animal Henry is just means SO much to Jav and I.

I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but I have to say that Henry and I have a really special bond. He's sitting in my lap right now, and it just seems like my lap was made to hold him. The minute I start petting him I relax and breath deeper. It's been that way since the day I first picked him up, almost like we knew each other in a past life. So this is hitting me really hard. I know he's strong, and all we can do is pray that once his kidney is removed that I'll have my strong, brave and amazing Henry back in my lap, healthy again.

Great motherhood quote

I read this in one of my Yoga Journal on-line articles. Diane Dillon, co-author of Mommy Mantras, says, "Mothering is very difficult and there is alot you can't control. But what you can control is how you think and how you respond." This is just so true.

If Gabriel wakes up from a nap early, I could be mad and resentful. Or, I can try to laugh it off and know we'll both sleep really well that night. If he wakes up crying at night (which he is doing several times a night due to molars coming in), I could be tense and worry about how much sleep I'm losing. Or, I can remember that he won't need me like this very much longer and realize how wonderful it is to hold him in the middle of the quiet night. This all occured to me on our trip to Fredericksburg, when I realized how much time I was spending chasing him around my uncle's house instead of sitting and relaxing. Last year, I probably would have been cranky and resentful about it. This year, it didn't bother me at all.

Once this realization set in, being a Mom has gotten so much easier.

Path Project - Phase One: Done!

We finished! And we love the way it's looking. AND we only spent about 75 bucks. Now to find the energy to start on Phase II, which is a little longer than the first Phase. Ugh!

Happy 10th Birthday Bonesy the Lionhearted!

Landscaping plans

Not only have we been super busy with our usual May activities this month, we also have taken on a mammoth project in our yard. I have big plans for our yard, and since I'm impulsive, I have a tendency to start working on the big plans without thinking through things sometimes. My idea started with a combination of things. The first was an article in Real Simple magazine about having a backyard campout. They featured a really cool Smith and Hawken firepit to roast hot dogs or make s'mores around. I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Then I realized that our dogs had made somewhat of a path going from one side of our backyard, all the way along the back of the house, to the other side. Dogs will do this. They like to run in the very same place to go bark at things or see out the cracks in the fence. I decided it would be really cool to expand on the path, widen it and border it and fill it in with stepping stones, and even cooler to have a circle in the middle where we could put chairs (adirondack, of course) around a firepit one day.

Lovely in theory. Hell to execute. (This should be my new motto for all my cockamamie ideas).

We decided to do this in stages, with the strip along the back porch first. The first few days of digging out monkey grass went really quickly because it had just rained buckets the few days before. By the end of the week the ground was like concrete and I was using the soaker hose to loosen everything up. I had read up on path-building, and after Jav helped me dig out some more of the dirt, we put landscape plastic down and I started to put the border up. This actually took a couple of weeks (working while Gabriel napped), and I finally got the hang of using paving sand to even out the bricks. It also helped to add some of the dirt back in and pack it against them to hold them in place. Now we are finally ready to fill in with more sand, stepping stones and gravel.

I almost had a heart attack when Jav came home saying that the gravel company he went to for a quote said it would take at least a half a ton of gravel to fill our 20 foot section of path. A HALF A TON. WTF? We are hoping now that we added dirt back in, and once we get the stepping stones set in, that it will not take that much. Regardless, we are spending way more than we thought it would cost and it is taking way more time than we originally figured. And this is just the beginning. We can't stop now or we'd have a section of path that goes nowhere in our backyard, and how goofy would that be? I guess I should've started at one end or the other in case we ran out of steam. But too late now!

At this point the monkey grass came up really easily.

By now the ground was like concrete again. Molly enjoyed this project because of all the earthworms she got to snack on.

My grandfather's wheelbarrow, that my Dad gave me a few months ago. I don't know what we would've done without it.

My trooper of a husband helping me even out the ground.

Almost through with the border, and it sat like this until yesterday when I finally finished it. I haven't downloaded that picture yet.

Fun at swim class!

We only have two more classes left in our swim class session. Bummer! I've absolutely loved every second of our class, even though Gabriel has had some rough days here and there. It's an amazing thing to watch your child mature, and I can't describe the feeling of pride I get watching him learn new things. He's finally kicking, and also has learned to walk himself along the side of the pool. His underwater count is stuck at 5 seconds, but on the jumps when I let go of him he's moving his arms and kicking with perfect form (according to Miss Andrea, our excellent instructor). His favorite thing to do is float on his back. He has a little trouble completely relaxing in class, but he's become an expert floater in the bathtub. We're hoping to take him swimming at least a couple of times this summer so we can keep working with him. But then we won't be getting back into a pool until next January. Until then I'll be singing our songs and working with him in the tub, and hopefully he'll be swimming like a fishie after the first couple of lessons next session.

New toy, but no time to play

Jav and I invested in our new computer last weekend. It's a MacBook Pro, and looks so inviting. Problem is we haven't had time to even open the box, let alone start the process of transferring data and learning how Macs work (this is our first one). But at least the air is brimming with all sorts of lovely technical possibilities, and alot more speed.

The merry, merry month of May

Our busiest month is, without a doubt, May. Forget the holidays. This month trumps them by a long shot. We have a ton of birthdays, our anniversary, and Mother's Day that all fall within the same week every year. This week I have our book club on Wednesday, anniversary dinner with my wonderful hubby on Thursday, Grace's birthday party on Saturday, then my Mom and Dad over for lunch Sunday, and dinner at my sister-in-law's for Jav's Mom early Sunday evening. Yikes!

Plus this year the following week is still pretty hectic. Gabriel and I are going to Fredericksburg with my Mom from the 14th to the 16th, the family's coming for lunch on the 17th, and we're supposed to go out with friends that same night. Double Yikes!

We are so blessed to have so much family and so many friends that live close, and I'm learning that instead of panicking when I look at the calendar, to look forward to each and every event. Yes, we'll be tired here and there, but we'll also have loads of fun and some great new memories to reminisce about.

So far it looks like things slow up a little towards the last week and weekend of the month, with nothing planned so far on Memorial Day weekend. The only thing I'm planning is yardwork and naps.

Blowing in the wind

What's the deal with the wind this year? I feel like I'm living on the beach, but without the added benefit of having the ocean within walking distance. It seems like I'm picking up small tree branches from the yard every other day. We have two wind chimes on our back porch, which I like the sound of very much. UNLESS it's blowing a gale force wind, and then they drive me crazy. They have spent more time laying on the patio table then hanging from their posts this year.

I used to have really bad anxiety attacks when it was really windy. I think it's because I have a very ingrained fear of fire, and because wind spreads fire, I also fear wind. When I was little we were driving to visit my grandfather in the hospital once, which was a little traumatic in itself. But we had been seeing this huge plume of smoke for miles while we were driving. Eventually we came to the source. A small house was completely enveloped in flames. That, coupled with the fact that the forest fire in Bambi completely freaked me out as a kid has led to this worry. When I used to get the panic attacks really bad, I was always driving somewhere or traveling sort of far away from my house, so I would worry that my house was on fire (with pets inside) while I was gone.

I still get them occasionally. These days, it's not just the wind that causes the anxiety attacks, it's all the stuff I worry about culminating into one big panic. Mostly environmental fears - running out of water one day, the temperature going up so high that no one can venture outside, overpopulation getting so bad that we have no wild animals left anywhere in the world. You know, little stuff like that. (hah). Stuff I have pretty much no control over at all. Hence the panic. Life can be tough sometimes when you are a control freak.

PrairieFest

We had a wonderful early evening at the 3rd Annual Prairie Fest Saturday night. It went on all day, but we didn't get there until 5:30 or so. We (includes me, Jav, Aunt Sandie and Gabriel) wanted to hear Brave Combo play from 6 to 7:30. I wish we'd have gone a little earlier, though, because we didn't have time to walk all the booths before they started closing down for the day. There were lots of environmentally friendly businesses, organic gardening booths, artists, food and local brewed beer. Very cool. Me being the Earth Mama that I am, I felt very much in my element. They were conducting tours of the grassland prairie up until dark. We hiked a short distance (it probably seemed long to Gabriel's stubby legs), and saw some beautiful wildflowers and some fantastic views of Fort Worth. And OF COURSE we forgot to bring a camera. It might have been the prettiest weather we'll see all year - and was definitely perfect for polka-ing, which Gabriel and I did several times. We saw people from church, people from our neighborhood, and lots of people dancing like fools. FUN, FUN, and more FUN!!! We will definitely go back next year.

Butcher job

Our energy company contracted with the city of Fort Worth to trim trees around power lines. We got a card on our door one day that the company would be in our neighborhood on such and such day (which turned out to be the wrong day), and we needed to give them access to our backyard if they needed it to do their work. Being a good little citizen, it never occurred to me to refuse them access, and it never occurred to me that they would do a bad job. But they did. According to the energy company (Oncor), the trees were to be trimmed to 10 feet on either side of the lines. Well, maybe the picture doesn't tell how bad it is, but they took off 20 feet or more on our side. Instead of trimming the ends of branches to the required distance (which would have taken more time), they chopped off every offending limb at the tree trunk, leaving an ugly, stripped look. And leaving us with much less shade in our backyard now. Now, I'm not a tree trimming expert, but if you shave off all the big limbs on only one side of a tall tree, doesn't that make it even more prone to be off-balance and fall? We're especially worried about the neighbors' tree, which now looks like it might topple over at any minute. (The tree on the far right of the picture). I asked our Neighborhood Association President who to complain to, and he said the city Forestry Service, our city council representative, and the mayor's office. So I think I will. It's not like they can come out and stick the limbs back on, though, can they?

Mama Janie's legacy

Aunt Gena's pillowcase.

Susan's lovely handiwork.

The whole picture, with Mama Janie's purple based pattern in all of it's glory.

My great grandmother was a quilter, along with several of her friends in Merkel, Texas. I've been lucky enough to have several of her quilts handed down to me. For years I kept them in the cedar chest I also inherited from her. Then four years ago when Jav and I got married, my good friend and adopted Mom Susan made a quilt for us for a wedding gift. It's beautiful bright green shades, and just makes me think "springtime". I wanted to use it as part of our spring and summer bedding, but it wasn't quite big enough for a bedspread. Then I thought of Mama Janie's quilts. I've been rotating the two bigger ones I had and using Susan's while I watch TV or nap. It makes me feel so happy to know that I'm actually using them instead of letting them slowly deteriorate in a cedar chest. It really makes me smile to see Gabriel frolicking on them, which he does often now that his favorite place to be in the house is on top of our bed. I also switch pillowcases when Spring gets here, and use the two yellow embroidered pillowcases my Great Aunt Gena stitched for us as a wedding gift. It's all much better than any store bought bedding, and has so much more sentimental value!

Another movie review

Michael Clayton was not what I expected. I'm not sure what I expected, but my expectations about thinking I'd like it were low. Boy, was I blown away! I will try not to be a spoiler if you haven't seen it. What an opening to a movie! I knew the ramblings of Tom Wilkinson would be important later, and tried to really pay attention. But I still ended up going online to find out exactly what he said after we finished the movie. And then I thought, oh no, another movie that tells the story backwards. I thought I was tired of that concept. But they really pulled it off here. I had heard that it moved really slowly, but I completely disagree. The thing is, I like thinking movies, where there's a great deal of talking and you really have to pay attention. The dialogue drives the plot in Michael Clayton for the most part, not the action. So I loved this movie and found it really suspenseful.

I think they got the Oscar wrong, though. Tilda Swinton won for her role as the lead cutthroat attorney for the big, mean corporation in the movie. She was good, but I thought Clooney, as the downtrodden former trial lawyer was better. Clooney's face spoke even more than his words. He was able to convey a huge unspoken range of emotion. And I thought Tom Wilkinson out-acted both of them. His performance wowed me so much that I want to look up all of his movies and start watching them one by one. I also think this movie should have won for original screenplay, even though I admit that I haven't seen the winner, Juno, yet. Focusing on the law firm representing the big, mean corporation, and whether or not they are liable for doing so, was such an original idea. Or at least was done originally. I know there have been a few movies before this one along the same line, but I don't remember any of them being as smart as this one.

On a side note, one of my favorite scenes in the movie was between Clooney and his young son Henry, played by 11-year old Austin Williams. He is trying to tell his son that he will never have to worry about being like his uncle Timmy, a drug addict, because he has such a big heart. I looked over at Jav and saw that he had tears in his eyes during the scene, and so did I. It made me wonder if we would have found the scene as moving if we didn't have a child.

We're still so behind on this last year's Oscar nominees. We need to watch Juno, Atonement and There Will Be Blood to get caught up.

This doesn't make sense

Why is it that the new energy efficient lightbulbs come in non-recyclable packaging?

Our new Molly

Molly ponders the perks of being in a one-dog family.

Ever since we lost our sweet Stanley last August, we have been amazed at the changes in Molly. Apparently she was so competitive for our attention while Stanley was around that we never knew her true personality. She seems so mellow now in comparison. So much less jumping and hyperactivity, although she still doesn't understand our need for personal space and wants to be sidled right up agin' us if we're anywhere near the floor. She also has reduced her barking at every little thing, so we guess that also was a competitive thing with Stanley. She is a terrific watchdog now, and it's so comforting to know no one in their right mind would ever thinking about coming into our yard or house with that huge, growly and vicious-sounding bark.

She has trouble with other Alpha dogs. I've tried the dog park, and she is so nervous she never can loosen up to have any fun. The second trip she got aggressive with a much smaller dog. It was embarrassing, considering everyone was already watching her closely just because of her size and Rottweiler looks. I'm not sure that she'll ever enjoy it, but I'm going to get a book on trying to get her used to being around other dogs and see where that takes us.

The neatest thing about Molly is her temperament with Gabriel. I knew that it was risky to bring her home from the streets, not knowing her background at all. But who would have thought that she would end up being the perfect kid dog? He crawls all over her, tries to ride her like a horse, pulls her ears and her tail. She never minds any of it, in fact she loves the attention. The best thing is when he hugs and pets her with his head down on her back. They have become best buddies. God was watching out for me when he brought her into my life.

Changing every day

Gabriel is growing up by leaps and bounds. I know this is good, this is what he's supposed to be doing. But I can't keep up! He's not a baby anymore and I am a little saddened by that. I am truly amazed while I watch him storming about the backyard, and wonder how this tall toddler got here so quickly. He had his 18-month checkup this week and he is still in the 97th percentile on weight, off the chart on head size, but he dipped down to 93 on height. He's still very proportional, though. I wish I could freeze-frame his very huggy personality right now. He blows kisses at everyone and spontaneously hugs all of us all the time. These pictures were taken on a gorgeous late winter day while he was discovering the little purple flowers that come up in our yard. My sweet and wonderful little man!

The best medicine - live and in person

If you heard someone screaming with glee last Sunday morning around 10am, that was me in the Target parking lot. Jav had just called to let me know that his sister got our tickets to see Eddie Izzard play the Majestic Theater on June 5th. I have been hoping he would do a US tour since I first laid eyes on him, just after Jav and I started dating in 2003. The first round of gleeful screaming started Friday morning when I got my Ticketmaster update and saw his name, although it was very quiet screaming since Gabriel was still asleep. I immediately joined his fan club to see if we could get the password for the Presale, and lo and behold they sent me an email later that afternoon with that very thing. Then the screaming turned into silent trepidation when they only had single tickets available for Presale. We all hoped that they had only put aside part of the tickets for Presale, but started talking about possibly doing a road trip to Austin (where he's doing three shows) if the one Dallas show was sold out. But it wasn't, and six of us happy campers will be sitting in the middle of the upper balcony laughing until tears run down our face and our dinners almost come back up.

What's all the fuss about? you may be asking yourself. Well, I think he's the funniest human being ON THE PLANET. I never much cared for stand-up before I saw him. Sandra (Jav's sister) had watched his HBO special and turned Jav and the rest of her family onto him. So Jav figured I would like him. And hearing that a cross-dressing Englishman who joked alot about history and religion sounded right up my alley. My Mom has also become a huge fan. I think he must have thought the time was finally ripe for a total US tour, after the success of The Riches on FX. The second season starts tonight, and our DVR is set up and ready to go. Eddie plays the head of a con artist family, with the excellent Minnie Driver as his wife. The first season was critically acclaimed, and I think did ok in the ratings. I'm sure he gained alot of new fans through the exposure, especially if they went out and rented any of his stand up DVD's, the set of which Jav got me for Christmas.

I haven't been this excited about a concert since I was going to sit on the floor for Van Halen in 1984.

Time is not on my side

The time change this past weekend is killing Jav and I. We can't get sleepy to go to bed at night, and we can't get up in the mornings. I feel like I did when Gabriel was still a little guy and not sleeping through the night. Gabriel, on the other hand, seems to have slipped back into a perfect sleep pattern. He has a little trouble going to sleep, but sleeps in mornings now almost an hour later than he was before the time change.

Who originally thought of this idea, anyway? I'd like to have a little chat with them. If I can stay awake.

No Country for Old Men - my review (finally)

I hesitated to see this. I think the Coen Brothers' movies are brilliant, but they are also so violent that I have to really get my brain ready to see one of their movies. And it was very worth the effort. These two just know how to make the total package: the scenery and look of the movie, the music, the story and the acting all fit together so beautifully. The plot for this one is simple and has been done so many times. You find a bunch of money, you decide to keep it, you think you can outsmart the rightful (?) owner. But Cormac McCarthy (the original author of the book) and the Coens (who wrote the screenplay) come through, making it all seem new and current.

Javier Bardem is just chilling. It makes you wonder if he had to spend a month at Disney World decompressing and feeling jolly again after he got finished with this role. But my two favorite performances are Tommy Lee Jones as the world weary sheriff trying to get to the good but greedy guy (Josh Brolin) before the bad guy gets to him, and Kelly MacDonald as the wife of the good but greedy guy. She is from Scotland and somehow masters the West Texas, trailer park-living, halfway given up on life drawl down to a tee.

The Coens' movies spoil you and turn you into a movie snob. You will find yourself thinking about the movie for weeks, maybe even months. My favorite Coen Bros. movie (and one of my favorites of all time) is still Miller's Crossing, about Irish and Italian Gang warfare in Prohibition Chicago. O Brother Where Art Thou, their deep South, bluegrass-ridden take on Homer's The Odyssey comes in a close second. I'll put No Country as a close third. Then the very wonderfully goofy The Big Lebowski, with Jeff Bridges as a stoner/bowler involved in a case of mistaken identity. Then Fargo - which is actually alot like No Country (but with snow) with it's sparse landscape, undertones of humor and extreme violence. Genius, genius, genius, genius and genius. I am so glad these guys are finally receiving their just rewards.

Doing absolutely nothing

Yesterday the weather was beautiful. After Gabriel's nap, we had a quick snack and ventured outside, as we do on nice weather days. He has his little things around the yard he likes to do every day. He likes to walk up and down the small ramp leading up to our back garage door. He likes to visit his sandbox, even though I keep forgetting to get some sand for it. He goes to the two trees where we hang the hammock and bangs the chains around. He has a very special hill leading down to the neighbors' fence that he likes to walk down backwards (this always cracks me up). While doing all of this he is constantly on the lookout for airplanes, and loves pointing them out to me. I usually have a few things to do out there too, like pick up Molly-poop or fill up our birdbaths or weed the flower beds.

But yesterday was so nice, we found ourselves just lying in the new springy grass in the middle of our backyard. It felt so cool on our skin. Every once in awhile a cool breeze would blow. We just sat there and did nothing for a good twenty minutes, which is a small miracle for Gabriel. Eventually Molly and Henry came over and joined us in our lolling about. I tried to get Bones to come over too, but it was more effort than I wanted to exert so I quit. I have a tendency to be sort of manic and never stop moving, and I SO don't want Gabriel to inherit that trait. So it was wonderful to be able to just sit and enjoy being outside. And do absolutely nothing.

The yin and yang of musical tastes

I've been really enjoying listening to classical music all of sudden. I go through waves like this on and off, where that's almost all I'll listen to for awhile. I wonder if it's because something's going on that is stressing me out, and this music has a calming effect on me. I especially like listening while we're eating dinner and while I'm doing the dishes afterwards each evening. The program on at that time is Exploring Music, a syndicated show that takes a weekly topic and delves into it really deeply. I've heard some rare pieces from some of my favorite composers, and I've also liked things by composers I never had any interest in before. Last week all shows were devoted to Stravinsky. Listening made me want to go see a ballet. I like the show also because of all the history the host delves into in between the musical selections.

Oh my God I'm getting so old.

To counter this problem, I'm going a totally different direction in the car. I have Jav's Foo Fighters (the new one), that I love so much but it makes me want to drive fast. I have to make sure I exercise self control when Gabriel's in the car. And I also dug up an old cassette tape I haven't listened to in years - Utopia. Todd Rundgren is the only name I know, and I don't think the band lasted very long. But those of you of the same age group as me - remember the hysterically silly video for Feet Don't Fail Me Now, which I think was their only big hit? What a great song. I was singing at the top of my lungs and trying to dance and drive this morning, with Gabriel in the car. He had a genuine look of concern on his face.

TP Reports

When I went back to work recently, I talked myself into believing that a divine intervention had occurred. I mean, I never had to update my resume or look through want ads or fill out an application. Or have an interview, God forbid. Nope, just a little rearranging of kids and I was raring to go. Although I did have some trepidation. I left there very unhappy for a variety of reasons:

1. Some people in management positions were actually cheering global warming because it was good for business.

2. Management had also recently decreed a bunch of new rules, like you couldn't have more than five personal items in your office, no plants, and no radios.

3. I had very little in common with ANYONE I worked with. I went home for lunch every day, because on the odd day when I stayed for some reason or another, and had to eat with my fellow employees, I felt so lonely and not like anyone else that I just wanted to walk out of the door and never go back.

And, on some level, I must admit

4. I felt I was not living up to my full potential and could do so much better.

So you may be asking yourself, why on EARTH did you want to go back there?

1. It's easy work.

2. It pays well.

3. It works with my schedule and doesn't take me away from my kids for very long.

4. I know they will work with me if one of them gets sick.

Etcetera Etcetera.

And the craziest part of it is that at first I was actually sad that everyone thought of me as "the temp". I'm not included in office gossip. No one can ask me to lunch because I have to eat at my desk everyday due to time constraints. I'm not in on jokes that everyone else seems to get. The company is a family, and I'm just a 4th cousin who visits once a year and nobody can remember my name.

But after about a month, I had the pleasure of realizing how much I have grown up and changed since having my kids. This is a JOB. These people are not my family, or friends. They are work acquaintances. Yes, you spend most of your time with them. And although most of them are very nice people, that doesn't mean I want to be close friends with them. And yes, management does take care of their employees. But everything they do is for the good of the company, not for you. Sometimes the nice things almost felt like blackmail. For some reason, the following song lyric comes to mind: "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." Because here I am back again.

Now they want me to add another day to my two days a week. Make that, the owner wants me to add another day, but this time to help out Sales, who need someone to enter orders and who knows what else. I've seen that department chew up and spit out perfectly good and smart temps just because of a few errors entering orders. The Head of Sales has worked there longer than anyone besides the owner, and she is one of the hardest people to get along with I have ever met. She is childish, spoiled, and uses language that would make a sailor blush. And used to be a pretty good friend. See, there I go using that word again. Now I realize that she was never my friend.

And then also today I find out that the Head of Sales and my current boss are having some kind of squabble. There were doors slammed to offices and muffled shouting heard by those of us in the very open-air cubicles. So much for not being included. But now that I've been sick to my stomach all day after hearing that, I am kind of ready to walk away from the whole thing. Life - and in this case my time with my kids - is MUCH TOO SHORT.

My Waterbaby

Gabriel starts swim lessons for the first time Monday morning, and I get to take the lessons with him. We decided to go with Emler Swim School in Arlington because we got more bang for our buck there. He missed the first 6 weeks of a 20 week session, but they assure me that doesn't really matter at this age. We visited today so I could see the layout and sort of know what to expect, and I really liked what I saw and was impressed with the few people I met (they didn't have a class until later this afternoon). He's only been in a pool once, and it took him a really long time to relax, but I'm hoping seeing other kids moving around will give him courage. I can't wait to see how he reacts. I think it will end up being really fun for the two of us.

Free Spirits

I love my book club. It was my turn last night to have everyone over to eat and discuss my choice, The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton. I was just happy to find that they didn't want to kick me out since I've chosen two classics in a row now. I really wasn't expecting to have much of a discussion about the book since I even had trouble finishing it. But the exceptional members of our club surprised me, and we had a great discussion about all kinds of things relating to the story. We discussed how everyone wants to be in the "in" crowd, no matter what age or class you find yourself in. We talked about how difficult it would have been to have the mindset of your whole existance being dependent on catching a rich husband. And we compared notes on why we thought Lily Bart, the main character, made the choices she made in her life - even though those choices led to a tragic ending. (I was so sad at the end of the book that I couldn't even cry. I was just numb all over).

I was much happier, however, with how all the food turned out. I start thinking about food around the same time I choose my book. Since this was the early 1900's in New York, Christi jokingly asked at our last meeting if I was going to do a New England boiled dinner. When I researched the popular recipes at the time, however, that's exactly what I found - boiled meats, vegetables, everything. So I decided to do an updated (and slightly healthier) version of this. I served a rice and fruit salad, cranberry slow-cooker roast, mashed sweet potatoes, and Brussels sprouts with bacon and caraway seed. My Mom had the great idea of a bread pudding for dessert, so I found this really simple recipe for Cinnamon Bread Pudding with Caramel Sauce. The meal was a ton of work, but it's always so worth it when everything turns out well. I've decided that along with having experience in the kitchen, the two things you really need to be a good cook is 1) a sense of what will go together to make a great meal, and 2) knowing how to get everything ready and hot at the same time.

We are about to start our 5th year as a book club (WOW!), despite warnings from a previous member that it would be too hard for everyone to continue with the busy lives we all lead. But I've learned to make time to read and to make time for my book club meetings. They are so much fun and so important to keeping me sane in these days of singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and cracking up watching Mr. Noodle on Elmo's World every day. I can't wait until April's meeting, especially since I can kick back and just worry about eating and talking this time!

Yes we've been to the zoo, zoo, zoo

We thought that yesterday might be a perfect day for a trip to the Ft. Worth Zoo. And it was. We got there right when they opened the gates, and were still feeding lots of the animals. We got to see almost all the primates out and eating, even all the gorillas. The elephants were still eating, and the hippos were actually out of the water and eating. I have never, in all my years of visiting the zoo, seen the hippos out of the water before. The cheetahs were out and pacing their entire territory. The male Bengal tiger was pacing around and started roaring while we were watching him. The lioness was practically posing for us, but the male lion was out like a light, laying on the grass in the sunshine.

We got to see two cranes fight over a squirrel that had made its way onto their turf (he quickly exited stage left), with their full wingspan out and beaks clacking together. But we didn't think to get the camera out quick enough, we were so flabbergasted at what we were seeing. We made our way to the herpetarium (sp?), and also for the first time in my life we spotted almost every snake, lizard, iguana, frog and turtle in their habitats. The snakes were almost all awake and moving around a little. It was just so cool! Jav had never been in there before, and even though he's not too fond of snakes, he was amazed at all the variety and how active they all seemed to be yesterday.

So needless to say, Jav and I had an absolute blast at the zoo. Gabriel is still a little too small to fully appreciate it. The gorillas frightened him a little, I guess because of their size. His favorite animal to spot in books right now is the giraffe, but he can't really focus on them because they don't move around much. He liked the tigers and birds and snakes, but you can tell his brain is not really understanding that these things he's used to seeing in books are real live creatures.

And I must say a word about my thoughts on zoos. I get really sad sometimes to see these majestic creatures ripped from their homelands and stuck in captivity. I realize the pacing of the tiger and the cheetahs is probably due to frustration of being contained in a small space. No hunting, no running. The look on the oldest gorillas face yesterday, as he glanced up at his human audience (some people beating on their chests and sticking out their tongues at him to get a reaction, which made me sick), the look on that face was so full of knowledge and dignity and soul, that not only could I not take a picture of him, but I had to walk away with tears running down my face. BUT I think the Fort Worth zoo does an outstanding job as far as zoos go. I want Gabriel to experience it and learn from it as he gets older, so I've had to get past being upset and just try to enjoy it for his sake. And I was pretty successful yesterday, on our perfect day at the zoo.

You can never have too many pink flamingos in a picture.

Gabriel, there's an elephant just over your shoulder. No really! Really!

Those really are hippos, not just speed bumps in the water.

I wish I could've gotten his face in the picture. Another "old soul" of a face.

Jav took this, my favorite picture from yesterday.

I hope he's not really listening to the words

I have become a big fan of Amy Winehouse (her music, not her unfortunate lifestyle choices). The other day I thought it would be fun to play "Rehab" and try to get Gabriel to dance around the living room with me. He has never seemed too interested in dancing, but has decided that spinning in a circle is the funnest thing ever. After he spun on his own for awhile, I picked him up and was spinning around with him, and everytime we got to the "No, no, no" part I would stop and wag my finger back and forth. We had a great time.

It turns out he was paying attention, because everytime I tell him "no" now, he wags his finger back and forth at me, and grins real big.

Joy

Yesterday Jav and I had our Valentine's Day date. We went to see No Country for Old Men (which I want to do a separate post about) and had a wonderful dinner. And although I had a great time and really needed some time with Jav and away from home for awhile, my most joyful moment of this year so far came when we got home. Gabriel dropped the book he was looking through, ran to me with open arms and gave me a kiss. I can't put into words how happy it made me.

A wonderful visit

My Mom, Gabriel and I visited the school where my Dad is a principal Wednesday morning. Jo Kelly is a magical place, where kids from the ages of 2 through 22 with severe physical and mental disabilities go to have their minds and bodies excercised. Each child is medically monitored very carefully, (they have 4 nurses on staff). They are also monitored to see the best way to teach them communication skills. Most students have the mental understanding of a 6 -12 month old infant. Some of the students are blind, deaf, and in rare cases, both. The classrooms are filled with toys that use the sense of touch to teach and inspire. Those classrooms are also filled with some of the most dedicated teachers and teaching assistants I've ever seen. These people have their hands full with some of the most challenging (physically and mentally) days anyone could face. But they are all happy and totally fulfilled with their choice of career.

Dad introduced us to everyone - students, teachers, nurses and cafeteria staff, even the IT guy. He is so happy to be contributing by leading the staff of this school. He's trying to learn all the students' names (they have around 40 or so), and the particulars of their personalities that make them special. But the neatest thing is seeing how much the staff seems happy to have him in return. It takes a special kind of person to not only want to be in this field, but also to figure out ways to make sure the daily challenges don't get to you and burn you out. I can't imagine knowing that some of your students are so fragile that their lives are hanging from a thread. They already lost one boy this year, and it was so very hard on everybody. But they realize that if they let that one loss pull them down, they are leaving many who need them behind. So they move onward.

I had a time in my life when I felt very sorry for myself and my circumstances. I didn't have full-blown depression, thank God, but I was definitely in the dumps most of the time and avoiding people. A work friend and I decided to volunteer at a ranch where disabled kids can learn to ride horses. That place literally changed my life. There were kids with everything from cystic fibrosis to autism. There was one boy in particular who was battling several physical obstacles. His little body was twisted so much that he had to be held up on the horse, and I happened to have enough arm strength to hold him. He was in pain most of the time and had breathing difficulties. Imagine my shock when I realized his goal in life was to get me to laugh. (And to get everyone to laugh, for that matter). When you meet someone like that, you wonder what on earth you have to feel sorry for yourself about.

I felt after our visit Wednesday morning that I had come face to face with many levels of heroism. The heroism that it takes to teach those who others deem unteachable. The students' heroism of just living through another day of obstacles, some of them even managing to smile. And of course, my Dad has always been my hero, and I got to see living proof of why. I'm so proud of him.

Great weekend

What a weekend! I love it when we are able to get alot done around the house AND manage to have some fun too. Jav and I moved around our guest room/office, partially to make room for Molly's kennel (we are having to move her out of our room because she can't be a good guard dog when she's in the far back of the house, and because she snores like a freight train), and partially because it just wasn't arranged very well to begin with. It took us the first half of Saturday and the second half of Sunday. The room looks so much better, but I keep thinking that Molly has her feelings hurt BIG time. It always amazes me to watch Henry, our blind cat, whenever we move around furniture. You would think that it would really freak him out and he'd go around bumping into things. But he just calmly walks the room and sniffs everything until he figures out where his favorite lounging places are, and you would never know we changed anything. It's like it's been that way all along. I wish I were that adaptable to change!

The fun part of our weekend started Saturday night when we ate dinner with Jim, Julie, Grace and Alex at Cafe Madrid. The food is always so good, and Gabriel really surprised me by being pretty content the entire meal. But the funnest part was getting to hang out with friends.

Sunday morning my nephew came for a visit, something he's never done by himself before. The weather was so beautiful (another part of this great weekend), so we were outside the entire time. We had so much fun with him, and Gabriel just was happy to follow him around the yard. He worships the ground Cade walks on, and even though Cade spent alot of time picking Gabriel up to move him out of way of whatever game we were playing, he was SO happy.

We're tired tonight, but very content.

I'll make my Tuesday a Fat one, thank you

Because I am giving up sweets for Lent (which starts tomorrow), I am having a very literal Fat Tuesday. I wasn't thinking about it starting so soon, so we have alot of sweets in the house. And I must eat them all up, today. Yes, I am becoming a good Catholic, and that means that I am not above a little cheating now and then. But if it's not here, I can't eat it. So along with regular food today, I must eat 6 peanut butter/chocolate cookies, 3 tapioca pudding cups, about a fourth of a carton of Breyer's Cookie Jar ice cream, and even less of a tub of Cool Whip (Light, of course). I'm making a pretty good dent and it's just barely 1:00 pm. (In fact, I better leave a little ice cream just in case Jav wants to have a little Fat Tuesday celebration tonight too.)

I never really understood the mystique about Mardi Gras, that is until today. I'm having a wonderful time!

Fine dining

Jav had given me a Central Market giftcard for my birthday way back in August. I couldn't decide on a class. I always thought I'd want to do a "hands-on" class, where the students actually cook with the teaching chef. But when it came down to brass tacks, this really made me nervous. I just don't think I'd enjoy myself. I'd be so concerned I was doing something wrong. I know that's silly, but that's just the way I am. Plus no matter how good the outcome, I'm a very sloppy cook.

So I decided to take a class where I could just watch, hopefully learn, and eat. I asked Jav to go with me once I found out there was a class scheduled with a chef we had both heard alot about. Donatella Trotti, the lovely owner of Nonna Tata (a tiny restaurant in the hospital district in Fort Worth), brought her authentic Northern Italian cuisine and sparkling personality last Monday night, and we were lucky enough to be there to enjoy it. She has been written up several times in the Star Telegram - once when the restaurant first opened, then a long piece where they told her very interesting story. She had lived in Italy until her early 30's, and had a career in the fashion industry. She came to the US and was offered a job opening up and managing several Versace stores across the country. One of those places was Dallas, where she lived for 8 years. She met her lawyer husband there, and decided instead of continuing to cook mounds of food for friends every weekend that she wanted to open a restaurant. They moved to Fort Worth, and Nonna Tata (Grandma Tata in Italian) was born two years ago. It has been a resounding success. There are only 10 tables in the whole restaurant, and there are lines to get in every night. On warm nights, people have been known to bring their own table and chairs and set up on the sidewalk, and they have even brought meals out to people tailgaiting in the back of their truck! Jav and I have been dying to eat there.

So we jumped at the chance to not only have her cook for us, but to explain everything while we were eating. Her husband, Gaylen Groce, came along and introduced the wines they served with our dinners (he is also a lovely, warm person). Donatella picked recipes that we could all actually make at home. There was nothing too hard or made with ridiculous specialty ingredients. Our appetizer plate was her trademark Foccacia, tiny roasted potatoes with gorgonzola, and fried sage leaves (which was Jav's favorite thing of the night). Then on to lentil soup, which was my favorite. It literally melted in my mouth. Our main course consisted of a lamb casserole with thinly sliced potatoes and carrots and tons of rosemary, and grilled radicchio on the side. I have never had lamb, and was a little worried I wouldn't like it. But I ate every bite. Then dessert was pannacotta (which translates literally to "cooked cream" - how can that not be good?). The whole meal was heavenly, but Donatella's charm and stories of her family back home made the evening twice as special. We found out that she and only one female assistant are IT at the restaurant. They make everything by hand, every night they are open. She even gave us her email in case we had questions about cooking any of the dishes. This woman truly loves to cook for people, and it comes out in her food. It was a wonderful evening.

Now we REALLY can't wait to eat there!!

The shift back to normal

I made a HORRIBLE MISTAKE! Our big TV shift lasted one evening. I was so miserable with no TV in our room that I didn't sleep at all Saturday night. I LIKE curling up on the bed and watching a movie. I LIKE having the cats curled up next to us on the bed. The only real problem I had was once I was ready to read and/or go to sleep I DON'T LIKE having to listen to the TV. Why all of this didn't occur to me before we paid the Direct TV service call charge I'm not sure. It almost seems like I had to have it taken away before I realized how much I needed it.

So Jav spent part of his Saturday with the service tech while he moved everything around, then we spent two hours Sunday changing it all back. What a waste of time, effort and money. But I'm very impressed that the two of us got everything working again. And Jav had the great idea of switching TV's so that he can use his wireless headphones if he wants to watch after I'm reading. (My old one we had been using in the bedroom didn't have a jack to plug them in). So the planets are aligned again, we relaxed and watched The Office last night, in our bed with Zoe curled up with us, and all was right with the world.

I'm really lucky to be married to someone with a never-ending supply of patience. And understanding. And TV/DVD technical skills.

Customer Service - dos and don'ts

We had the Direct TV guy come today to move our DVR (no more bedroom TV watching - sob). This guy was quiet, quick, efficient, and even came up with a way to save us a little bit of money. I was very impressed, seeing that the last episode I had with a service technician in the house was a disaster. I meant to do a post about it when it happened, but I may have blocked the episode out for awhile.

The guy poorly trained in Customer Service worked for our A/C and Heater service company. He was supposed to come twice a year, once in the spring to check out the A/C, and once in the fall to look at the heater. He had already been here twice, and had managed to piss me off both times. He had a very smug demeanor and was constantly talking about the fact that he just KNEW he had been in our house before and remembered our unit, but never about anything substantial, like how said unit was working and holding up. The second time he was here, he noticed we had a wasps' nest on our back porch and offered to spray it for me. I know he was trying to be nice, but I like our wasps to be around. I may be weird, but I like not disturbing the ecosystem of our yard. We don't bother them, and they don't bother us. So I said, no thank you, I'd rather he not spray them. He pressed a few more times, and I politely held my ground. And he left.

So the last time he came, I should have remembered this exchange and watched him closer. First off, he kept complaining that we had a faulty thermostat. I told him what the trick was to set it, but he just kept complaining about it. So when he was almost done, I asked him what should I do about the faulty thermostat. He said that I should probably get a new one. Well, you can't pay for advice like that, my friend. Not a word about how or where, or that they didn't sell them but I could go to Lowe's, or anything.

THEN as he was walking back inside from his truck where he had written up my bill, he noticed our wasp nest on the front porch. He then took it upon himself to spray a mother lode of pesticide all over the nest and anything else within a 10 foot radius. He then proudly told me what he had done, and I was so mad I could only look at him. Which is the thing that really made me the maddest, that I couldn't lay into him like I really wanted to that this was MY house and how dare he do something like that without asking and that we never use chemicals around the baby, etc.... No, I just sat in stunned angry silence and signed the service agreement then watched him drive away, as he probably thought to himself what a wonderful person he was for helping out a helpless female who didn't even know she had a huge wasp nest on her front porch.

Needless to say, Jav is currently looking for a new A/C and heater service company. And I need to work on not being afraid to shout at people if they deserve it. Except for if it's my husband.

Local eating isn't actually so local after all

We try to buy our produce from the Haltom City Farmers' Market whenever we have the time to get over there. It's been there forever, and seems to be a very efficiently run business. I have been slowly getting to know the ladies that ring up my produce over the last couple of months (they love flirting with Gabriel), and finally asked a question that's been on my mind for awhile now. I wanted to know if most of their inventory was produced locally. I made the assumption that if it didn't have a label or sticker on it saying, "made in Chile" or "California grown" or whatever that it was locally grown. Well, I was wrong. She said it just depends, and that during the winter alot of stuff is shipped in from all over, and it might not necessarily be labeled.

That truly bites! Here I am thinking I'm supporting local farmers and purchasing food that hasn't traveled very far, and I now feel like I've been duped. But the thing is, I LOVE shopping there. I guess I need to check out a couple of the other Farmers' Markets and ask my question again before I decide whether or not to go back.

A radical shift

Next weekend we will embark upon a household shift of such massive proportions it may feel like an earthquake has hit us. We have decided to remove the television from our bedroom (insert dramatic music - Dah, Dah Dum Dum.) I have been wanting this to happen for a long time, but never had the nerve to ask Jav about it because I never thought he would go for it. He is the one who likes to get sleepy with the TV on. I think having the TV on makes me have a much more restless night, and I would rather read to get myself sleepy. So when I was half asleep one night I mentioned how nice it would be if we moved our DVR to the living room TV and watched in there, and then the bedroom would be a much more restful place. He was ok with it!

So a week from Saturday we have the Direct TV person coming to move our DVR. We'll also be switching TV's because the color on the living room set has been going out for two years now. Then we're going to rearrange our bedroom, removing the TV armoire for good. We already rearranged our living room so that we'd each have huge comfy spaces to watch TV (before all I had was a very cold and uncomfortable leather couch.) I have been wanting to enjoy my oversized red chair since we purchased it almost two years ago, but so far it has mostly been used for cat beds. But the cats better watch out, because my butt will be taking over now. I'm sure unwinding in the living room will take a little getting used to, but I also am hoping it will lead to more reading and less TV for both of us. What it will cut out is the late-night channel surfing, when your brain has already turned to mush so much that you don't realize you need to be asleep.

I guess it could also turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. We'll see.

Why I love old houses

You would never find this attached to a built-in garage workshop area in a new house.

So you would never have these.

A few belated holiday pictures

Tito showing off his new hat, and Gabriel showing off his Christmas belly.

Santa brought him a new sandbox, but forgot the sand. Bad Santa!

We started a new tradition last year of going to River Legacy Park for a walk on Christmas Day. Gabriel was feeling tired from all the excitement of the morning. But Molly was happy and raring to go!

My neice Macy was sweet enough to let Gabriel play with her activity table. She's SOOOO cute and so sweet - I may steal her one day.

My nephew Cade, all grown up now. He turned 6 a few weeks ago. He really got into Christmas this year, especially considering Santa visits him at 3 or 4 different households. What happened to that fat little baby boy?

You can't beat a good old movie

Last night I got hooked on a movie on Turner Movie Classics called The Clock. It starred Judy Garland, who I just finished watching in Meet Me in St. Louis. The movie was about a soldier who was on leave in New York City for 48 hours, was set up on a date with Judy Garland's character (they met under the clock at the Waldorf Astoria hotel, hence the title), fell in love and got married just before he shipped out again. I was so wrapped up in this movie it was ridiculous. I think Judy Garland is just about the best crier as far as actresses go (it makes you wonder just how tragic her actual life really was). There's one scene where the two have become separated, and she doesn't even know his last name and realizes she has no way to find him... Well, suffice it to say she had me reduced to a big puddle of tears. Sometimes it feels good to have a good cry while watching a movie. And it had a good ending-at least I thought so.

The proof that I am a cooking geek

While my husband was getting his last steroid shot to (hopefully) relieve the pain from the herniated disc in his neck, I was browsing the nearby Half Price Books to spend one of my gift cards from Christmas. I got one used CD (Brazilian classical guitar - but I'm kicking myself for not getting the Best of Elvis Costello - the early years), two books for Gabriel that he absolutely loved from the get-go (go Mommy) and one cookbook. It's called "Best Ever Three and Four Ingredient Cookbook" by Jenny White and Joanna Farrow. I was so excited about finding this book. I've been looking for some simple, relatively healthy recipes that don't use a gazillion ingredients, to save both money and time. This book is exactly what I've been searching for. I stayed up late two nights in a row to read through the whole thing, and I don't give up my sleeping hours for many things. I knew this book wasn't published in the U.S. (it's from Australia) because they use "aubergine" instead of eggplant, and "rocket" instead of arugula. But that just made it all the more interesting. I can't wait to try some recipes out now.

I also bought the cheery little recipe box pictured above from the Children's Art Project at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. I know I will never have time to copy my favorite recipes onto 3 x 5 cards, so I'm using instead to plan dinners for the week. I changed the main index card titles to match my categories of dinners - Pastas, Sandwiches, Soups, Pizzas, Slow Cooker Favorites, etc... Then I sharpened my pencil and got to work adding my favorite recipe titles and what cookbook to find them in. There's plenty of room to add new ones, and extra index cards if I think of more titles. I have had such great pleasure in working on this little project. Anything that has to do with cooking doesn't seem like a chore to me.

Starting over

I have a tendency to jump into things and want to be good at them right away. Cooking, tennis, guitar lessons... the list could go on and on. Most of the time I get frustrated and either quit or never learn the right way of doing the thing and stumble along trying to keep up. Cooking is one of the few things I stuck with through the hard part of learning and trial and error, and now I'm getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.

Guitar lessons were sort of like piano lessons way back when. The lessons themselves were fun, but I never wanted to practice. Same thing when Jav and I took two-step lessons. So everything I learned has fallen completely by the way-side. Gabriel has shown a real interest in my guitar, though, as it sits gathering dust in our family room. He never misses an opportunity to strum it as he's barreling by. This has made me want to review some of the things I learned, but not enough to actually act yet. I have at least learned in my old age that if you do not want to learn something for yourself, it will probably be tedious.

Tennis is a bit different in that I think I have potential to get pretty good, if I will ever get off my high-horse and take some beginners lessons. I never learned how to place my feet correctly, or how to hold my racket correctly, or how to serve correctly, or really anything. Despite all of this I still do pretty well whenever I play. I heard a story about how you can really improve your game (not just in tennis, but in all sports), if you visualize yourself playing really well. I think this works for me. But I know I would be just so much better if I had some good form. Maybe one day.

Yoga is something I jumped into also, just to add something different to my workout routine at the time. I only thought about how it would help me physically, and started doing an intermediate tape at home. Which means, once again, that I skipped over some pretty important basics about yoga. Like form and breathing techniques and the whole meditation thing. BUT since it's something I started learning more about, I have decided to see if I can completely start over at something and learn it right for once.

Jav's family got me a wonderful book called "Essential Yoga: An Illustrated Guide" by Olivia H. Miller for Christmas that is helping me do this. It is very simple to follow, and has great illustrations of breathing techniques, warm-up stretches, poses and meditations. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to give yoga a try. I'm starting off very slow with breathing and warm-ups, which I NEVER did before. Then I do a few poses, just like the book shows, and end with some short meditations.

I don't think I will now ever give up on yoga like I have on so many things. I has become a very important part of my life, and I am really starting to feel the differences. Not just in my toning, flexibility and balance, but in a calmness I feel that I've never felt before. I'm actually starting to pay attention to whether I'm taking short breaths (especially when I'm stressed out about something) and if so I try to slow myself down by slowing my breathing down. I'm also not having as many negative thoughts as I used to, which can make you feel so much better about life. It feels good to know I stuck with something this time, and it's really making a difference.

Christmas 2007

There were so many special moments this year.

First off, we were so thankful that our friend Keith came out of his back surgery alright. The surgery was nine hours long, and he didn't have feeling in his arms for about 24 hours afterwards, but everything is progressing normally now and he got to go home late Christmas Eve.

Friday night downtown with Philip and April was just so much fun. I've decided Fort Worth is very pretty when she's all decked out for the holidays. We ate dinner at Cantina Larado (EXCELLENT food), then arrived at Bass Hall just in time for A Christmas Carol, the Musical. It was great--very funny in parts, poignant in others, rousing musical numbers, and at the end there was snow coming down from the rafters of Bass Hall everywhere. (Luckily we were underneath a balcony and didn't walk out looking like we had giant dandruff flakes all over us). But the funnest part was being with Philip and April, and laughing and having such a great time. I hope we can continue to find things to do with them, separate from our family get-togethers.

Sunday, my mom and I drove to Fredericksburg and back in one day to pick up my Uncle Dave. It really didn't seem so bad. We had alot of Christmas music, crossword puzzles and some fierce games of 20 Questions that helped to make the time go by.

On Monday, we attended St. Rita's Christmas Eve 5:00 pm Mass, which is specifically for the kids, and is always so special because all the children are turned out in their finest Christmas outfits. They always have a Nativity Pageant, and lots of Carol singing. Gabriel lived up to his nickname, El Torito (the little bull), and I had to leave with him once. But Jav's Mom and sister helped me out with him. The funniest thing that ALMOST happened was that he almost turned out the lights in the sanctuary while Father Flores was giving the homily. Good Lord, we would've had to change parishes! And maybe even our names, Jav joked.

On to Christmas Eve dinner at Jav's parents with Sandra. This year we had tamales, which were delicious, especially with Tita's homemade guacamole and tortillas. My mouth is watering again just thinking about it. Unfortunately Gabriel was having a picky eating day and barely touched any of it, but didn't seem too concerned. We opened presents, with one of us on full alert chasing Gabriel around the house. The most memorable moment came when Tita showed me what she had been working on with Gabriel - he goes up to the large baby Jesus under her tree and gives him a kiss. For El Torito, this was an extremely gentle moment and pretty much brought me to tears. Once we got home, Jav and I stayed up watching the original version of A Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen. Jav had never seen any movie version of it. It was perfect because it ended right at midnight and left us feeling all Christmasy inside just before we passed out.

Christmas Day started with our little family opening the gifts Santa left. My husband gave me the dearest gift any one's ever given me - a photo album of our pets, with Stanley and Fred's picture on the first page as a memorial to the two of them. He truly is the most thoughtful person on the planet, and I am the luckiest person in the world to have him. Gabriel seemed really excited about his sandbox (although it had no sand yet), and we video taped him climbing in and out of it about 10 times. He also seemed excited about the gift from his Godparents, Keith and Christine, a miniature motorcycle, or at least he seemed to want to play with the boy in the picture on the box proudly riding it. Jav will have to put it together, hopefully sometime before he's too big to ride it.

On a sad note, Jav's sister Sandra lost her boxer, Reyna (Spanish for "queen"). She was 10, and had been battling a disease that had to do with her pituitary gland, but had been doing pretty well for the last 6 months with different medications. She woke up really sick and died at home with Sandra and her parents during the early afternoon. Sandra's doggies are her babies, and I really feel for her. It's tough to lose one anytime, but Christmas Day just seems so much harder of a day to deal with a tragedy. Luckily she still has her sweet pug, Bo, so they can lean on each other to get through this.

We headed for Philip and April's in Weatherford to spend Christmas evening with the two of them, Macy and Cade, and my Mom and Dad. We had an amazing dinner of prime rib, our traditional German dish of potatoes and bacon, cranberry salad, green bean casserole, hot bread, and a not-very-pretty but delicious chocolate-raspberry cheesecake that April made. Then we started a new tradition. Philip played the guitar and we all sang carols. It was a good mix of secular and religious, and half of them were for the kids to sing along with too. I have a great memory of holding Macy in my lap with my other arm around Cade singing "Santa Claus is coming to town" at the top of our lungs. Gabriel, being still too little to understand all of this, just wandered around with various toys. But he did seem very much fascinated by Uncle Philip playing the guitar. He stops to strum mine around 20 times a day at home, which has prompted me to try and remember anything I learned during my six months of lessons. I hope we'll do the carols every year. It helps to get some of the focus off opening presents and reminds us of what this holiday is all about after all.

But, of course, we then all opened gifts, which always leads to such excitement and laughter. My Dad surprised my Mom with a beautiful painting she had wanted from Bombay company. The kids, though, were the main focus of everything. Gabriel was such a trooper. He had to be totally exhausted, but never cried or fussed at all. He just started laying his head down on the carpet here and there, because, after all, it gets tiring carrying that big ole thing around all the time. And he showed off his newest, funniest trick of walking backwards over great distances without running into things. We're not exactly sure how he does it, but we think Henry had a hand in teaching him. We all went to bed that night with the satisfying feeling of full bellies, heads a little giddy from laughing so much, hearts full of love for our families and thankfulness to God for all that we have in our lives.

All in all, it really was a great Christmas.

This Christmas seems different

Every year I vow that THIS year I am not going to get stressed out about gift buying, gift wrapping and Christmas card mailing like I have every Christmas since I've been an adult. And every year I always end up very stressed out and tired, and wondering what happened to the joyful Christmas feeling I used to get as a kid. Before I had all of these other things to think about. Christmas seems to come and go and I don't feel like I ever got to enjoy any of it.

But this year I am feeling so very different about everything. I will admit that maybe this newer, more laid back me could have alot to do with not having a regular job anymore. But I think my energy level is challenged more by newly-walking Gabriel than it ever was at work. I think the real reasons behind it are deeper.

The first thing that's different about this year is money. And how we had less to spend on gifts. So for the first time in my life, I have stuck to our Christmas budget. (Keep in mind that although Jav had a hand in deciding what we were going to get people, I did all the shopping this year - hence the "I", instead of the "we").

And since we're on the subject, we have been very careful about what we're getting people this year. I didn't want to rush out and buy a bunch of Chinese-made lead-filled toys for the kids I'm buying for. I've given careful thought about where my gifts are coming from and how they will be used. I did have a weak moment at Toys R Us while looking for a sandbox for Gabriel and ended up buying my nephew a Spider-Man toy that is made in China and that he will absolutely love.

But I think because we've had a really rough month with battling illnesses, losing Fred, a car wreck (Jav was ok, thank God, but the car's pretty banged up), and our friend Keith having an 8-hour surgery tomorrow on his spine, I'm seeing everything with a different perspective. The rushing around and getting things done is still important, but I'm so aware of why I'm doing these things. I'm doing them for people that I love, that I am so thankful to have in my life. It doesn't seem like a chore this year.

I got all of my Christmas cards mailed Tuesday and just smiled thinking about the fun we had trying to take a dang picture, and what we ended up sending instead. I finished wrapping everything yesterday, and marveled at how easy it seemed and was glad I could spend the rest of the afternoon walking Molly and playing with Gabriel outside.

I've been on several shopping expeditions with my Mom, and have enjoyed every one of them. Even though we had to battle some long lines and shortages of parking spaces, it never seemed stressful. We've truly had fun, talking so much we would forget where we were headed in the car, or what we were looking for amidst the crowds in the stores.

Tomorrow night we are going to see the musical version of "A Christmas Carol" at Bass Hall with my brother and his wife. I am so excited about this. I get to get dressed up and go downtown. I get to see the huge Christmas tree in Sundance Square. I get to see Bass Hall all gussied up for the holidays, which is always beautiful. I get to see one of my favorite stories of all time come to life in a new way. But I'm the most excited about doing something special with Philip and April, which we have really never done before. When I hung up the phone after they invited us to go with them (April won the tickets at work), I had that feeling again, of being a kid, and being filled with so much wonderful anticipation and love.