Posting gap

Aunt April with Joel. He actually fell asleep a few minutes after this was taken.

I'm really trying to get better about posting, but the past two weekends and in between have been crazy.

We had our six year anniversary on the 8th. We went out for a nice long dinner at Lily's Bistro on Magnolia. GREAT food and reasonable prices. It had a very European sidewalk cafe feel about it, Jav and I both agreed. Then Mother's Day was the 9th. Jav and Gabriel went to Mass with Jav's Mom, while I staged a slight protest about having to get up early and rush around on Mother's Day and stayed home with Joel. In fact, I was moving so slowly that I made us late for Esperanza's for lunch and we had to wait in a ginormous line. I felt pretty bad. But it was really fun once we got seated, and they always have great food.

Then during the week Gabriel got sick again. It was kind of a relapse from his earlier congestion and cough, but the cough was much worse this time. He couldn't sleep, and spent a night with Mommy again. He finally was able to settle down and stop coughing around 3 or so. We were both wrecks the next day! We decided to take him to the doctor again, and ended up seeing a doctor in our group that had once seen my brother as a baby! Dr. Scroggie has to be getting close to retiring, but he's still going strong and is SOOOOO wonderful with Gabriel when we've had to go to him. And God bless him, he gave us an antibiotic this time. I'm not thrilled about how often Gabriel is having to take them, but he's been sick pretty steadily for over two months now, and I think he needed some help to kick this.

We had a Baptism class for Joel Thursday night, which I think is a crazy time to have a class for people with infants. We took separate cars in case Joel started to have a meltdown. 7-9 is supposed to be bath and bedtime, not "here's a roomful of strangers and please don't make a fuss" time. I thought there might be a quiet corner where I could feed him during the class if needed, but they had 30 people show up, the largest turnout they'd ever had! So I missed part of the video they show while in the bathroom feeding him, and he still wanted his cereal, so I took him home after the tour of the font. It's not like we haven't done this before, people! We learned that our new priest favors the total immersion approach, where the baby goes in back first and doesn't get his face wet, but the rest of him gets doused. At first this seemed to be going overboard to me, but then we figured that he will probably cry either way, so why not? This is horrible to say, but Jav thinks people like the spectacle of the baby that freaks out as opposed to one who stays quiet during the whole ceremony (kind of like how people go to a Nascar race just to see the wrecks). It wakes everybody up.

I spent most of the week and all day Saturday cleaning my house, inside and out. My side of the family came for lunch yesterday, and it was the first time we've had them over since Gabriel's birthday last September. So it was the first time my house has been that clean since then, too! It was a good dry run for my Book Club meeting next month. I had a sudden burst of energy to clean after I took Bones to the vet Thursday morning. He had been acting like his back around his tail was hurt or something, and his hair had gotten a bit thinner there. Well, the vet found two fleas crawling on him! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I kicked into panic whirlwind vacuuming and laundry mode, with a staging area for every piece of bedding that he had come in contact with for the past week. It took me two days just to wash everything. So far I think we've avoided disaster, only because Bones is so sensitive and completely freaked out as a warning. And I love having the house this clean. I feel like I deserve a week off from cleaning now.

We had a great day yesterday. It was supposed to rain, but luckily had cleared off by the time everybody arrived. We had baked spaghetti, garlic bread and a big salad. And for some reason I was craving Italian Cream Cake for dessert. Simple, but delicious. We had to get the two leaves out for our dining room table for the first time since we bought it. We are a larger family unit now with my uncle living in town, and three out of four cousins sitting at the table now. Once Joel gets old enough for a regular chair we'll have to buy an extra, since we are eleven total. How wonderful is that? I think when we bought the table we never thought that we'd fill it up, let alone need an extra space. We have some major things going on with Cade right now that I don't want to post about yet, and it was so nice to hug both he and Macy, even though I don't get to see them much when we host everybody. I love my niece and nephew soooooooo much!!! And Gabriel set up a lookout post in front of the picture window around 11:00 and couldn't be convinced to come down until they showed up.

Joel is maturing so fast. He is sitting in a high chair now during meals and loves being up off the floor level. He little hands are grabbing at everything, and he's doing this funny lunge for things when he really has to concentrate. The interaction between the brothers is getting so cute. It's almost like Joel finally realized that this bigger whirl of energy that comes at his face all the time is his brother, and now looks forward to seeing him.

I figured out one of the wonderful things about having a baby around as opposed to an older child is the way they look at their mother with just so much love. From morning until night, his little face just lights up every single time he sees me. It's something that Gabriel doesn't do as much now, and I hadn't realized I missed it.

Ok, I am caught up on all of our happenings and ready to move on to other topics.

Walking

I love to walk. I got hooked over 15 years ago when I realized that it it the easiest way to exercise. No driving to the gym, no fancy equipment. Just some good shoes and that's it. I started out walking on tracks with my buddy at the time, Tracy. She was a true power walker, and we were just after the fitness aspect of it back then.

But as the years went by, I would try to walk wherever I happened to find myself. Campgrounds, around lakes, strange neighborhoods during out-of-town visits. One of my favorite places to walk was Fredericksburg. I would visit my grandmother for the weekend and get up really early to walk as the sun came up over the hills. That's where I fell in love with walking just to clear your head, or to enjoy being outdoors. I would check out everyone's yard and get gardening ideas. I would count how many different bird calls I could hear. I would just breathe. I discovered that walking is better therapy than anything you might pay for. And now, when I walk, worries may come up, but then I shake myself back to the here and now, and concentrate on making my legs move my body forward. And just breathe.

Dream gift

Joel and I went grocery shopping yesterday morning, as we do most Saturday or Sunday mornings now. I decided to see what was on the classical station for the drive over. One of my favorite pieces of music was on. Mozart's Sonata #12 in F, heard below. (This wasn't the pianist we heard, but this is a pretty good version).

My mom has an ancient Mozart piano book with a bunch of his sonatas in it, including this one. One day years ago I was just trying to play through some of them and I became hooked on this piece of music from the moment I started playing. I practiced it on and off whenever I had the chance at their house, because we don't have a piano. But I haven't played or thought about this piece for years now. As I was listening to it yesterday morning, I realized how much I miss playing these days. And it dawned on me how much I would love to have a piano in our house.

We bought an electronic keyboard for Gabriel for Christmas and he loves it. He loves to explore the different sounds and rhythms it can make. But he doesn't like for me to play it, and it's just not the same as playing a real piano, at least to me. I realize that I still wouldn't have much time to play it these days, but it would be so wonderful to just sit for a few minutes and just play away. I never realized what a gift my grandparents were giving me with the nine years of lessons until I became an adult. Now I wish I had practiced more, because even though I can read music, I never practiced back then didn't learn many of the technicalities. Which means I don't think I learned enough to actually teach piano to someone else. My nephew is dying to learn, and I'd love to teach Gabriel or Joel, or both, one day. I also wonder if teaching piano would have been a way to earn some extra money. But I'm just not that good.

I just wonder where on earth we would put a piano, anyway. But that's going into a whole 'nother post.

Small hands

Joel has discovered how things feel. He is moving his chubby little fingers over everything they come in contact with. He loves reaching up to our faces to feel them. Jav reminded me that Gabriel went though a stage where his little hand would open and close on our shoulders whenever we held him. I remembered him doing that alot when we took him to his first Ranger Game. Joel has learned to comfort himself, and even put himself to sleep, by opening and closing his hand on top of his head. I didn't even realize this was happening until I found tons of scratches on his head one day. I now make a point to trim his nails every week. The other night when he was having some tummy trouble that woke him up, I was rocking him and he reached his little hand up and started feeling my chin, ever so gently. So, so sweet!

He wants to roll over to his tummy every single time I put him on his back. Gone now are the days of putting him down for a few minutes on a bed while I run to start a load of laundry. He had an unfortunate experience of rolling off of his activity mat and onto our rug that needed a good vacuuming from all the shedded pet hair. When I got him turned over it looked like he had a beard! He had his first experience of bellying-over to a toy he wanted to play with yesterday, and it was a good four feet away from him. He's ready to move! And the more he moves, the more delighted his brother is to realize that this little lump that we brought home is actually going to be able to play with him one day.

The game they play right now is the "Stinky Feet" game. Gabriel will grab one of Joel's feet, sniff it, and then yell, "Pew wee!!!" And both of them laugh. I tried pointing out to Gabriel that Joel's feet smell waaaaayyyyy better than his since he never wears shoes (I refuse to put them on him until I have to). But Gabriel doesn't pay any attention to me and just keeps on having fun.

Fixable mistakes

I think I really messed up with Gabriel when we first brought Joel home. In my sleep-deprived and overwhelmed state, I think I expected him to grow up overnight. I expected him to stop arguing with me and start minding me, and basically stop being three years old just so that my life would be a little easier. I lost my patience with him all too quickly, and used my exasperated tone with him so much. And even yelled at him a good number of times. It took me a couple of months to realize that I was doing these things, and it's taken another couple of months to figure out why. It also dawned on me that every time we leave the house as a family, to go to Mass or run errands, that I grab Joel and Jav looks after Gabriel. It is amazing to me how much Joel has become almost like another appendage to me. Now I am trying to let Jav take Joel more while I take Gabriel for awhile.

I keep having a sensation that he is slipping away from me, that I am not tending to his three-year-old psyche somehow and it will change our relationship forever. When I mention even a hint of this to women who have been Moms for a long time, they always tell me that he will not remember any of this and to stop worrying so much. But I have been making a huge effort to try and be more patient and loving with him again, and to constantly remind myself that he is only three (and really acts more like two sometimes). This takes almost superhuman effort because my child was either born defiant and thinking he knows everything, or it's just a very long stage we're going through. But I think my efforts are paying off. I feel him coming back to me again. He hugs me more, and is talking to me more and wanting me to play with him again.

I had my teeth cleaned a few weeks ago, and my dental hygienist has two sons who are 16 and 19, the same age difference as mine. She said she realized that she was doing the same thing to her oldest when she brought her second son home, and she swears that it did change him forever. I have known her long enough now to know that she would never exaggerate about this. She said he never was as huggy and snuggly baby-like after that. And now she can't get him to show any affection to her at all, whereas the younger one is the exact opposite. It was a little unnerving to hear validation of my worries from someone, but it will just make me work that much harder to fix what I may have messed up.

Now that Joel is taking some pretty good naps Gabriel and I are playing more and more again, and it feels so great to spend that time with him on the floor, laughing and tickling him. Yesterday we crazy danced (more like jumping) to the Ting Tings all around his room. I have missed that more than I can say, and it feels so great to get that one-on-one fun time with him again.

A week of firsts

We had quite a week around our little household last week. Gabriel caught a new cold, this one all down in his throat and chest and making him cough. Joel began sleeping through the night, which just makes my life so much easier.

But Thursday was a big day. Joel rolled over for the first time, of course when I wasn't in the room. And Gabriel had his first experience up on a stage with his classmates to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" during his school's fundraising evening. He didn't seem nervous or excited about it, but I don't think he was feeling very well. He sang and did all of the motions they were supposed to do, and smiled through the whole song. But the best part was just before they sang and he saw me waving at him, and he grinned really big and waved back. We taped it, of course, and then Jav, not knowing that I had rewinded it to show my Mom the next day, accidentally taped over it. This made me cry for a pretty long time. I know we will probably have many more on-stage performances to tape, but this was his first.

And then Friday night, Gabriel was waking up coughing, so much so that he would choke and get really scared. We decided to let him sleep with me in our bed (another first) and Jav slept on the couch. That night we had a pretty strong thunderstorm, and even though I hated having him feel so bad, it was really sweet to have him right next to me all night long.

I realize now that Joel is here and everything with him is changing so fast that I would like to make this blog like a scrapbook. I never got into scrapbooking, and I just don't think it will ever be my cup of tea. So this will become part baby book, part scrapbook and part diary. I just wish I would have thought of it when Gabriel was a baby. At least having the second one is jarring my memory constantly about that time, and maybe I can go back and get some of it down.

They stay little for such a short, short time.

Portraits

We went to have the obligatory family portrait made about a month ago, along with some shots of both boys and just Joel. We went to JC Penney's, I guess because that's where we've had Gabriel's pictures taken and it's affordable. My problem with them is twofold. The result is nice, but very generic and boring. And they have ridiculous turnover so you never know if you're going to get someone who knows how to photograph kids. We got lucky with Gabriel. Not so much this time. I ended up having to make Gabriel smile for every picture, and she had NO clue how to deal with Joel. She kept trying to get him to sit up by propping him with some pillows. And of course, being three months old, he kept falling over. When we left, I vowed in my head to not waste our money there again.

When Jav and I decided to get married in Fredericksburg, my Mom and I took a really fun trip to find the cake baker and photographer. I had come up with two, one an established studio and the other just a person who came up in the search. His name was Michael Roche, and we had our first meeting with him at the local coffee hang out. He seemed very stand-offish and even a bit snooty, and informed us that he never worked in color, only black and white or sepia. So if we had wanted shots of the Fred. Herb Farm in all of it's spring color, he wasn't our man. I liked the samples of his work that he shared with us, but I left the meeting thinking there was no way in you know where that I was going to let that jerk take pictures at my wedding.

So we drove to Kerrville to see the big studio, and it was there that I discovered how little I like the standard, posed pictures that people have taken at weddings. You know what I mean. The close up of the hands with rings. The bride simulating taking off her garter and all the groomsmen lined up. Gag. Yawn. Driving back to Fredericksburg, I decided to give Mr. Roche a chance and just hoped I wasn't making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

It turned out to be one of the smartest moves I've made. He really wasn't a jerk, either, just extremely shy and cursed with one of those "artistic" personalties that are hard to converse with. He took the most beautiful pictures. They have life and movement, and show the joy from the occasion better than I ever thought possible. Even his posed pictures of the wedding party, etc.. have a playful quality. And he did take quite a few in color, the first time ever for him. He ended up staying way past the time we hired him for and took pictures of everyone dancing and the mariachi band. Whenever I flip through the album, I am transported to that happy day. I will never be able to repay him for what he gave us. And I have a dream of having him take the boys pictures some day.

The link to his website is here. He has ten pics from our wedding, numbers 10 through 13 and 17 through 22 under "Weddings".

Overwhelmed

Joel is kicking my butt. You would think that by now things would be settling down into a routine, or as much as you can have a routine with a baby. You would think my experience with Gabriel would be helping me with this second baby. But my two baby experiences could not be more different. And I'm completely overwhelmed most of the time.

Gabriel was so easy (even though we didn't know it at the time). He had his sleep issues, and was a bit fussy when his teeth started coming in sometime around 6 months or so. But Joel has been so much more challenging. He started solid foods three weeks ago, but we are moving very slowly. This is partly because I want to take it slow and partly because he is teething. I'm not really sure if he's hungry and eating with gusto or if he just wants to get that spoon in his mouth to gum around on. He's now pulling it into his mouth with both hands for every bite, and getting extremely upset when I pull the spoon back to get more food loaded up. I usually don't even give him half of the cereal I made. But he ends up with most of it on him. Gabriel never grabbed the spoon and never seemed to get much food on his clothes.

He is drooling, trying to put all kinds of things in his mouth, has a perpetual runny nose, and seems pretty miserable the last four days or so. When I called worried that he might have caught Gabriel's cold, the nurse told me today that I probably wanted to avoid bringing him in unless he had higher fever or developed a bad cough, and that his nose could just be part of his teething symptoms. And it seems like I'm calling the doctor for various things about Joel every week.

The only way I could get him to take a nap before this extreme teething started was to put him on his tummy. This made me nervous, and I would check on him continually, but he would sleep for an hour or so that way. Now I'm afraid to do it because he's so congested, but he will not stay asleep more than ten minutes on his back or side. The only naps he's getting during the day are just after he nurses while I'm still holding him, or in the car, and he will wake up out of a deep sleep as soon as the car stops moving. When his teeth are really bothering him, he isn't happy in the swing, or the bouncy seat, or basically anywhere except my arms. It's getting more and more challenging to make dinner. The only thing that seems to pacify him is me singing Old MacDonald. I think one night I came up with over 25 verses, including jungle animals, to get the dishes done while he was in the bouncy seat. That was some farm.

And then there's the laundry. Gabriel never spit up. He just didn't do it. Joel has major spit up days every other day. And it seems to have increased the laundry by four large people, not just one tiny one. I feel like I just get finish folding one load when another is in the dryer waiting for me. It's starting to frighten me there's so much of it. I have virtually given up on cleaning my house, getting a room vacuumed here or there, dusting something off if it gets bad enough.

At least his nighttime sleeping has greatly improved. He's usually only waking up once, sometimes twice, and he doesn't make a peep in between. I guess it's the only time his teeth aren't hurting him. And know that no matter how hard it gets for me, one look into that face and my heart just melts and I don't care how tired I am. My poor little guy! I wish I could feel the hurt for him. He's such a sweet baby and has the best laugh. I just wish he felt good enough to use it more these days. I think we will all be having a party when that tooth (or those teeth) break on through to the other side.

Beatles Tuesday...literally

Tuesday I sing Beatles songs to Gabriel and Joel at bedtime. Or any other time of the day, like bath time. Yellow Submarine is a great bath song.

So since Jav is out of town, it has been a tiresome couple of days for me. Joel was particularly fussy all day long, with his cold and teething hitting him at the same time. I tried to put him down before putting Gabriel to bed, but he was having no part of that. So I fed him while reading to Gabriel, then sang a song and told Gabriel good night and moved into Joel's room to try to get him asleep. I kept thinking I heard Gabriel, but the humidifier in Joel's room cushions the sound from next door pretty well, so he had to yell before I really heard him.

I ran in there with Joel and Gabriel was hysterical by then, and saying that he heard a sound and wanted to come sleep with me. Now, Gabriel has NEVER wanted to sleep with us overnight or even for a nap except for one Fredericksburg trip when I took him out of the pack and play and neither one of us could sleep after that. So I knew this was really bad. I felt terrible that I didn't hear him at first because I always tell him to call us if he needs us before I walk out of his room. And honestly, I was a little scared myself wondering what he had heard. I kept asking if it was outside the window, and he kept insisting that it was in the room. I picked him up too and we all headed down to our bedroom. I got him calmed down and went to put Joel down in his crib. It was then that I remembered hearing something like paper rustling while I was reading to Gabriel, but I just figured the ceiling fan was making something rustle.

I would have loved to keep Gabriel with me, but I've been bringing Joel to the bed for the last three nights with his cold and was worried someone would either get rolled over on or fall off of our ridiculously high bed. So I got him to go with me back to his room (which really is just temporarily his room and I don't feel like he's ever been comfortable in there) and try to listen for the sound again. I heard it about the same time Bones wandered into the room and headed straight for some wires behind our file cabinet. And there it was. A big greenish black beetle was walking around and trying to climb up that cabinet and was making a heck of a ruckus doing it. I went and got a big plastic cup and a skinny but firm book, which is my method of choice when it comes to trapping bugs and getting them back outside. But I couldn't get a good angle and the damn thing crawled behind Jav's behemoth of a desk. We were doomed.

Now, I've been trying to teach Gabriel to not be afraid of bugs for about a month now. I want him to have a healthy respect for them. But he has been freaking out lately every time a little gnat lands on him. So this was not a good situation AT ALL. I told him what it was, though, because he had even mentioned Monster at one point and I didn't want that in his head. I tried to keep him back so he wouldn't see it, and I don't really think he wanted to. But because he was so tired he was loudly saying over and over again, "Oh, it's a big black beetle", and of course Joel woke up. I went in to get him back to sleep and Gabriel followed telling his brother what was happening and running into things. I finally had to tell him (probably a little too firmly) that if he didn't go into the hallway and keep quiet I was never going to be able to catch that bug and we wouldn't get any sleep. I finally got Joel asleep again and went to get the flashlight.

I really didn't think I'd find him, but after tapping a couple of things under the desk I heard a rattle and did a very girly yelp and jumped way back. So much for showing Gabriel that I wasn't afraid of bugs. He started whining for me to pick him up. But I bravely shined the flashlight back underneath and saw the bug sitting on top of our blank CD case. After much deliberation with myself and silently cursing my husband, I went in for the capture. Gabriel couldn't hold the flashlight still because of his nerves so I set it in the desk chair. I quickly put the cup over the bug and slowly but very carefully started to wedge the book under the cup, making sure not to leave a big enough gap for the thing to escape. It started finally making a clicking sound when I got the book all the way under the cup and I came so close to just dropping everything and running away. But Gabriel was watching and I had to keep fighting. So I asked him to open the back door for me and moved cup and book outside. I wanted Gabriel to see the bug leave the cup so he would know it was out of his room, but when I started to move the book I was so nervous that the thing was going to fly back in our faces that I sort of just threw the book into the Asian Jasmine, where, of course, we couldn't see the bug leave the cup at all.

But I guess I convinced him it was really gone, because he's sleeping in there now. And the book is still laying in the Jasmine. Even so, I think I earned quite a bit of respect from Gabriel tonight. And Honey, boy do you owe me big for this.

I know you have a medical degree, but..

I have a hard time disagreeing with doctors. They are supposed to be the experts. I have put my trust in them to help heal me or my children, and I expect them to do just that.

Gabriel is battling his third sinus infection so far this year. He is an unusual case because he doesn't seem to have allergies or a cold or anything, but then all of a sudden he will just wake up really sick. He runs low-grade fever, has a perpetual runny nose and usually wakes up complaining several times during the night that his mouth hurts, which we now think means his throat due to drainage. He almost stops eating and doesn't want to play like normal, and just really seems to feel lousy.

I would be able to accept perpetual colds, because that's part of having little kids. But he never just has a cold, he always has infections, and then has to take antibiotics to get rid of it. Last time the antibiotic tore up his stomach and we had to stop giving it to him early. I don't want him to end up developing a resistance against antibiotics in case he ever needs them for something more serious. But they seem to be the only thing to help make him well. So I would like to find out why this keeps happening, and what we should be doing to prevent it in the future, if there is such a remedy for a three-year-old with invisible allergies. I suggested to our pediatrician that maybe Gabriel might need to see a specialist. This took much courage from me.

And of course, it didn't go over very well. He said that a specialist probably wouldn't be able to do any more for him than he does, but if I really wanted to see one, he would refer me. So I guess I stepped on his doctor toes. And now I imagine that I'm on some "trouble-making parent" list at the reception desk.

In the meantime, we are on day 5 of whatever this is, and now Joel has it. So maybe it is just a cold this time. Nothing is more pathetic than a baby with a stuffed up nose and bad cough. You just want to breath for them. Joel had two horrible nights in which Gabriel was the only one to get any sleep, then out of the blue last night he slept for hours at a time with no sign of congestion or cough. I thought it had gone away, but it was back this morning. And Jav left for a two day work training trip this morning. We're back on Grandparent Mode!

Four months old

Can you guess who is who?

Joel is on the top. Until I dug this old pic out of Gabriel I was under the illusion Joel looked alot like Gabriel at his age. Boy was I wrong! The shape of their heads are different, their noses and eyes are different, Joel's skin tone is much darker than Gabriel's (we're not sure whether this is from Jav's side of the family or mine, with our American Indian heritage). The only things they have the same are their head size and their tempers!

Joel has apparently been using me as a human pacifier this week, waking up three or four times a night. I was convinced that he was hungry until today when he had his check up, when I realized after talking with the doctor that he's been playing me like a fiddle. So we have to start the tough love thing over the next couple of weeks. I'll go along with one nighttime feeding, but he needs to get himself back to sleep any other times. Or maybe I'll at least go in and scratch his back. Or pick him up to rock him.

He started the wonderful world of solid food today and I'm hoping his tummy will handle it okay. It was wonderful tonight during dinner to be able to include him in our eating instead of just holding him in my lap.

He also started laughing out loud this week, which is just priceless to hear. The first time he did it I was singing Old MacDonald and making a horse noise. Then yesterday during a desperate attempt to keep him happy a little longer while I was cooking dinner, I started using my tummy as a drum then bending down close to him. I did this over and over and he just loved it.

He weighs about 1-1/2 pounds less than Gabriel did at four months, and is an inch longer. I know I have more to type but I'm just too sleepy to continue. Come on cereal, don't let me down tonight!

Things forgotten

I've said before in this blog that there are many things I had forgotten about when Gabriel was a baby. One of the biggest was getting up at night with him and how hard it was to get him back to sleep. Now that I am going through it with Joel, it's all coming back to me.

I always had better luck getting Gabriel to go to sleep if I was standing and rocking him, instead of sitting in the rocking chair. Joel is the same way. I remember sometimes almost falling asleep while walking around the room with Gabriel, and thinking that seemed impossible! But I've already almost done it a couple of times with Joel too. I remember how hard it was to lay Gabriel back down in the crib without waking him up again because he was so big and heavy. I think Joel may be bigger than Gabriel at four months, so I'm having trouble there too. I think I'm getting close, then I almost drop him about a foot because the mattress is much further away than I realized. And then there were/are the floor boards. The dang creaky floorboards that I would try to memorize by location. Because let me tell you, if you step on a truly squeaky floor board, it will bring a soundly sleeping baby wide awake. And you will want to cry you are so mad at yourself. I've learned to never wear shoes, only socks or barefoot, because it's easier to avoid the creaks. I think they actually get used certain ones they hear night after night. But if you happen to find a new one - watch out!

Joel is having good nights and bad nights these days. We finally broke ourselves of swaddling him, which was just making him mad. He wants to MOVE! But he has a bad habit of rubbing his eyes when he wakes up a little, and next thing you know he's awake and crying. But most nights now he seems to have learned to get himself back to sleep. I never thought about feeding Gabriel when he would wake up like this several times during the night, but because Joel is a breast fed baby I have to feed him to get him back to sleep, or he gets REALLY mad. That kid has a temper. And I think he's cutting a tooth because he's Drooly McDroolster and trying to bite on everything he gets his hands on. I think his teething is what wakes him up on tough nights. Last night I finally gave up after trudging in there 3 times and brought him back to bed with me so I could get some sleep. I'm really trying to not do that unless I'm desperate. And I was this morning.

Jav was out of town this past week for three nights. I always face these trips with much trepidation, but it ends up being pretty fun. My strategy is to act like a grandparent instead of a parent while he's gone. We watch more TV than usual, eat food that is really bad for us, usually in our pajamas, and sometimes skip baths. It keeps Mommy sane until Daddy gets home.

Parenting woes

Seeing Yo Yo Ma the other night at Bass Hall has got me thinking about Gabriel and his love of music, and whether or not we should start taking him to lessons or just keep letting him do his own thing. Ma started playing the cello when he was four (after playing the violin for a year), and it was then that his parents discovered they had a child prodigy on their hands. Now, I'm not saying Gabriel is a prodigy, but he definitely has an ear for music. He can drum out the beat to songs and can pick out different instruments playing. Music is the thing that makes his face light up, it's the thing he turns to when we are frustrating him, or when his brother is screaming and he needs comforting.

I fear the "missed opportunity", where we blindly go on like we are now when taking another step might turn him into a real musician one day. But if we push, he could lose interest altogether, which would be a tragedy also. What to do, what to do? We ask him if he wants to take lessons, and he says yes, but he is still of the age where he says yes to everything we ask him. The music class he took last summer was more of a kinetic movement/learning type of class instead of really learning music and rhythm. And Gabriel didn't want to follow directions, and just sort of did what he wanted. Since Jav and I are both followers, not leaders, we were kind of proud of him for doing his own thing.

The only interest I ever had growing up was to be like everybody else and be popular. I took piano lessons but never practiced so was just so-so after nine years. I took dance but didn't really have my heart in it. I was afraid to do any kind of sports because I was sure I would let my team down. Nothing I did stirred any passions in me, as far as I can remember. Looking back, I think I would have been really good and track and field, but even if I had thought of it back then, I probably wouldn't have had the nerve to try. Young kids that realize what they want to do one day and start working for that goal just baffle me. But if my boys find their paths early I will be behind them, just like I will be if they don't seem to have any direction at all. I just want both boys to be happy, to be themselves and to not worry what other people think. But how do you translate that desire to them, how do you really make them understand? At least they are young and I have a little time to figure that out.

Why today was great

I got this picture of Joel after taking about 25 shots that I didn't like.

Joel was crying in his crib while I was trying to get us ready to go out the door, and suddenly stopped. I walked into the room and found Gabriel, who had pulled up a stool to the crib. He was holding Joel's hand and telling him all about our day, and Joel was staring up at him with this big, happy face. I wanted to get the video camera, but I knew that would have ruined the moment. I hope that memory stays burned in my brain for a long, long time.

And finally, my neighbor, Simon, has been battling bone marrow cancer for about 9 months. He has only left the house for doctor appointments. I saw him out heartily working in the yard today. I think his marrow transplant is getting close, and I hope and pray that the treatment works to rid him of the disease. No matter what happens, it was great to see him out enjoying this beautiful weather.

Weight

The vet informed me that Molly had gained 10 pounds this winter. With her arthritis, this is bad. The fact that we haven't been able to walk her much since Joel came and because of cold weather has apparently taken its toll. Now that the weather is finally warmer, I hope to walk her three times a week, adding to Jav's twice. This should get her back in shape pretty quickly. We want our hound of a dog to be around a few more years at least!

And I hope I will reap some of that benefit too. Gabriel's favorite thing to do outside right now is to run from me all over the yard. Having two babies has changed my shape and the extra weight I am still carrying is so bad that I literally cannot run anymore. I used to be in really good shape so this has come as kind of a shock. I keep trying, but I just end up loping for a few steps then resorting to walking really fast to catch him. It's truly pathetic. I know I don't have time to exercise any more than walking right now, and I don't really want to cut back too much on calories since I'm still nursing. But as soon as that's done, watch out you extra 20 pounds. I'm coming after you.

Sweet

At random times during the day, if I can steal a hug from Gabriel, I tell him, "I love this boy!" Last night after Jav and I finished reading to him and he had hugged Jav, he crawled into my lap and gave me a big hug and whispered, " I love this Mama".

Children can truly bring more joy than anything else in life.

Idol Schmidol

I watched the first season of Americal Idol because of the local interest of Kelly Clarkson. Then I skipped the next 4 or 5 seasons. I started watching after Jav and I were married because he was a fan. I really got into it for a year or two, then realized that even if the person I was rooting for won, I didn't give a hoot about the music they put out after winning. In fact, I didn't even like the music they put out and usually ended up forgetting their names. Also, I really had a hard time with the fact that they seemed only interested in perfect voices, and alot of my favorite singers have waaaaaayyyyy less than perfect voices Willie, Tom Petty, James McMurtry, Leonard Cohen, etc). So I had decided not to watch this year. But I ended up watching the local auditions, and they pulled me back in again. I also love Ellen, and was curious about what she would bring to the judging panel.

I realize now, though, why I like watching the show. I like hearing the different versions of songs. A couple of years ago, I was blown away by the eventual winner David Cook's version of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean (a song I don't really like much to begin with). Last year Chris Allen, who also ended up winning, did a fantastic version of Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine. The people running the auditions also seem to have figured out that not everyone has a "perfect" voice this season. There are so many quirky voices I can't keep up with them all.

So I will pick my favorites and wait to see what they do every week with the familiar songs (or not so familiar, as many pick current Top 10 hits that I have never heard before.) And then after a winner is picked I will forget his or her name, along with my favorites, within three months or so. An added treat is that there is local interest again this season, with Casey James from Fort Worth doing his combo rock, bluesy, alt country thing. Plus, as you can see, he's pretty easy on the eyes.

Too funny

Jav and I watched The Office episode of Jim and Pam having their baby the other night. Forget that we are so behind that we still haven't watched their wedding. I had heard enough about the baby episode to know that we owed it to ourselves to watch. All of that is still so fresh in our heads that I knew we would laugh and cry.

And we loved and could sympathize with so many parts. The frustration of Jim when he was reading about contraction spans in all the different baby books. The fact that Pam was just plain terrified to go to the hospital. (Although I didn't buy the fact that she was still trying to work even though her contractions were five minutes apart. Please.) The look on Michael's face after he peeked into the room as Pam was pushing. Which made me realize that I have never seen what that looks like, but Jav has seen it twice. I'm a little jealous about that. Sort of.

The fact that they didn't realize that they had the wrong baby (and Pam was actually nursing her) was funny. I told Jav about the night I was by myself in the hospital and the nursery kept Joel for a few hours at a time so I could sleep. When I would wake up and wait for them to bring him back, I thought about the fact that he was so new to me and wondered if I would know if they brought the wrong baby back to me. Sleep deprivation can cause paranoid thinking.

But the best, funniest part, and the part that might just be the best piece of comedy writing and acting ever to me, was the male lactation specialist. Jim's face was priceless through that whole scene. And the thing is, even though it was over the top, I can see how a female might not flinch since we are so used to exposing ourselves to male gynecologists. Plus if you're desperate to get help with breast feeding, you don't really care where it comes from, as long as it works.

It was a great episode. Now we need to watch them get married!

OCD S.O.S.

We have a pretty strong strain of OCD running through our family. My grandmother passed it to my Dad, who has passed it to me and my brother, and the two of us have passed it to Macy and Gabriel. So sad. There are parts of the disease I try to fight, and others I just give up on and accept that that's the way I am. My main symptom is that I have to make sure everything is in it's proper place before I go to bed at night. I don't repetitively circle the house, or do things three times or anything WEIRD like that. But I will rearrange the dishes in the dishwasher if Jav loads it, and constantly gripe to myself about where he puts things. The thing about having OCD is that you convince yourself that you have a good reason for having to have everything just right. So if Jav puts something in a place I haven't deemed it should go, I have to fight telling him that it's in the wrong place and why. When I get tired I am not as good about keeping my mouth shut. He is always a prince and just lets me rant.

So of course Gabriel has picked up on this and is starting to show signs of OCD here and there. But I'm wondering if there's still time to save him, and how to go about it. Should I make an effort to not put things away before bedtime, no matter how much it will drive me up the wall? Should I leave things in one room even though they belong in another, like Gabriel's matchbox cars that he likes to drag to the living room every day? I usually move the box back to the playroom just before he goes to bed. I just don't want it to control his life, like it seems to with me and with Macy. When we visit my brother she spends quite a bit of time telling everyone what they are doing wrong. And although she doesn't know how to be any other way, that doesn't seem like a very fun hobby! (Plus it won't win you any friends). So I will practice saying, "it doesn't really matter where you put that" and try not to sound too forced. But if the kid was born with it, anything I say won't really help at this point.

Fun with math

I bought a "Baby's First Numbers" book for Joel at Half Price Books, mostly because of the brightly colored pictures. Gabriel wanted to read it (of course), and we discovered that the 2nd half of the book is beginning addition and subtraction. He loves it and wants to read it over and over again. Then today while he was putting up all of his matchbox cars he said, "Look, Mama. Five cars left." then he put one in the car box and said, "Now four cars left". I think he is really getting it! Good Lord I hope he is better at math than his Mama!

He is also saying the funniest things lately. If you ask him how he is these days, he doesn't say ok or good, he says, "I'm feelin' good".

Tonight when Jav was finishing up his bath he suddenly (and very enthusiastically) said, "What a day it's been". Which cracked us up.

New blog

I found my third cousin, Callie, on Facebook this past week and was so happy to catch up with her. She's from Fredericksburg, and went to NYC to write for Martha Stuart's design magazine just after graduating from UT. I was very impressed by this gutsy move, because she is such a sweet, girl-next-door type and I never imagined her doing this. Well, it turns out she has started her own design firm with another colleague and is doing really well for herself. I think they are both really talented from what I've seen on the website, which you can find by clicking on the "Scout Designs" blog link. Now I'm even more impressed, and a teeny bit jealous. And the great thing is, living in the Big City hasn't changed her sweet nature one bit. I hope she enjoys continued success (and I'll keep living vicariously through her every once in awhile).

So many changes

This is the puppy I write about below. She's already found a home and a name: Chloe.

I'm trying to keep this blog going because changes are happening so fast around our house I forget things VERY quickly.

We moved Gabriel's bed into the playroom Sunday and he seems ok with sleeping in there until Joel gets a little older and less loud. Joel is a VERY loud crier and we were convinced that Gabriel would be bothered during late or overnight feedings and diaper changes. Joel seems to be adjusting pretty well to his crib from the bassinet. I checked on both of them several times Sunday night but graduated to only once last night. I still hope to have them in one room eventually, even though it's nice for them to each have their own space. But that means we lose our office/future spare room.

Gabriel has hit some kind of developmental phase. All of a sudden he can put on his shoes and socks, pull up his pants, zip up his coat and all sorts of things he couldn't (or didn't have the confidence for) a month ago. We are also making small headway with potty training. We have him sitting in there with no diaper on 5 or 6 times a day whereas before he refused to take his diaper off. We're hoping the idea of actually going in the potty chair will kick in eventually. All of this was thanks to the enticement of truck stickers that he gets to put on a poster every time he sits. His speech has all of a sudden gotten so much better. He is pronouncing everything clearly and slowly and we don't ever have trouble understanding him now. We've decided against more therapy for now.

As hard as parenting is, it is the only thing I've ever done in my life that gives me a sense that what I do every day really matters. When Gabriel looks up at me with a huge smile on his face and says, "I did it, Mama" after pulling up his pants by himself, it makes me feel so proud and happy I could burst. No job has ever or will ever give me such a sense of accomplishment. It's the reason I find the energy to get up and do it all again the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. It's something I strive to be not just good at, but great at. If someone were to start giving grades for parenting, I would want exemplary marks.

But I digress. Joel is starting to reach out for everything we put in front of him, and can grab all kinds of things. The hardest thing I'm dealing with now with him is tummy time. I basically didn't think to put him on his tummy for the first two months of his life, and so we've been having five minute tummy time sessions to get his neck and back strong enough to hold up that ginormous head of his. He HATES tummy time. If we make if five minutes twice a day, that's a pretty good day. But it's helping because he can now hold his head at 45 degrees for a minute or so.

We are all having allergy issues. I took the boys outside yesterday afternoon for an hour, and all three of us have sneezy, runny noses this morning. Jav was already having trouble. But I refuse to stay inside because of it. We will fight through spring! I'm going to start my second antibiotic to get rid of yet another sinus infection. I'm also going to call an EENT specialist to see if I qualify for sinus laser surgery.

I survived my first time with Jav away last week. He had a work trip for two nights in Houston, and we came out of it pretty well. The trick is to give the boys their baths before dinner. After dinner Gabriel is hyper and Joel is just a cranky mess. The hardest thing was trying to get Gabriel to bed peacefully even though Joel was screaming here and there. We were all very happy to see Daddy/Jav when he got back!

And we have been tempted by a ridiculously cute Rottweiler puppy even though to take on a puppy right now would be certifiably crazy. This little female puppy wandered into my neighbor's yard Sunday and he's trying to either find the owner or someone who wants her. She is very calm and could possibly be full-blooded. I wish I had never seen her, not just because of the cute factor and guilt if he gives up and takes her to a shelter, but because I think she is exactly what we would be looking for once Molly can't be a good guard dog anymore. But Molly has a few good years left, we hope, and I just don't have any more energy to devote to dealing with, walking, and training a puppy right now. Plus Bones would probably kill us all in our beds if we brought any more new beings into our house for awhile!

Stores

Gabriel thinks you can get everything from a store, but he thinks more specifically than we do about these things. The Halloween Scary Guy Store was the first in a long line of funny store titles he has come up with, including the Battery Store when his toys needed new batteries and the Birthday Cake Store for family parties. But the funniest one yet came this past week when we realized he had outgrown one of his shirts and couldn't get it over his head. He said, "Mama, we need to go to The Hole Store for a bigger hole." Makes perfect sense to me.

Hazy shade of winter

I'm still in a fog from lack of sleep, spending all day indoors due to weather, and dealing with two kids all day and evening long. I told my brother it's like hibernating in a baby cave, where you are isolated from normal people and news events for awhile. We had a rare nice afternoon this week and going outside for an hour makes all the difference in the world, probably not just for me but for Gabriel too.

Joel is such a good baby in many ways, but he is a difficult nurser. He likes to eat totally on his own terms, and that means after about 8 to 10 minutes, he's through. In the mornings he will go two hours or more without wanting any more. In the late afternoon/evenings he usually eats for a longer stretch, but only makes it about an hour to an hour and a half before wanting more. But then he sleeps at least 5 hours through at night, which I cannot complain about AT ALL. One night this week he went 7-1/2 hours. Of course, I got up thinking he would wake up at any moment instead of sleeping in with him. I do get a little tired of nursing him so often in the evenings. It basically means I can't play with Gabriel in the afternoons and Jav is pretty much in charge of Gabriel until bedtime. If I can get Joel to sleep before Gabriel goes to bed, I can at least go in and read and sing to him before it's lights out for him.

I feel like my lack of attention to Gabriel has taken a small toll. He has been hitting lately. He's only hit Jav and me a couple of times, and the stern talks and time-outs that he received seems to have had some affect on him. But I see him hitting his stuffed animals, slamming his hand into the floor or walls, and I believe it's because of aggressive feelings about the baby. At least he is bright enough to know to never take it out on Joel, but I still would never leave them alone together just in case. I don't think Gabriel has a sense yet of what "hurting someone" actually means. This is really tough for me to see. I have been much better about taking the small stolen moments when Joel is sleeping to try and play with Gabriel, but half the time he doesn't want to play with me, like he's already given up on me. And I am truly trying to not lose patience with him, even when he squares off and says, "NO!" when I ask him to do something. Which he does all day long, especially if Joel is crying or I am nursing Joel because he knows it's difficult for me to get up and make him. I noticed that I was doing much more yelling from the couch trying to get him to mind, which isn't a good thing to do either. My goal for Lent is to stop yelling so much at everyone, especially Gabriel and Molly, and then to stick with it after Lent is over. I think this is much more productive than giving up sweets.

And speaking of Molly, our poor pets are pretty neglected these days too. They live for all of us to go in the backyard and play. That's when they are all at their happiest. But this cruel winter has not allowed for that very often, and with all the Joel/Gabriel attention it's left them a little lost. I manage to walk Molly once a week, but will be doing that more with Joel once it warms up. Jav tries to walk her another two nights a week, which helps keep her arthritis at bay. Zoe seems to tolerate anything we throw at her, but it makes me feel so guilty to see how excited she gets when it's time for me to brush her for two minutes before I go to bed every night. All of that happiness for only two minutes of attention? Bones is the only pet who has shown some aggressive behavior, but luckily, like Gabriel, knows better than to take it out on the baby. He takes it out on either Zoe or my favorite red chair in the living room. He'll walk around the house meowing for someone to pay attention to him for a half hour, then he starts to snap and run around the house making that weird "Cat on Attack" noise.

I know all of this will get better. Joel is getting sitting in the swing for longer periods of time, and is starting to enjoy time on the activity mat. And no matter how hard the day is, I always remember two things in the back of my head. One is that I'm so thankful for these two kids that even though it's hard I can't imagine my life without them now. And two is that they stay little for such a SHORT amount of time, and I need to relax and enjoy it while it lasts.

Snow days

Unbelievable! But pretty cool to have happened in our lifetimes. We are supposed to get more snow early next week. Do I still live in Texas?

One of my most embarrassing moments in life, ever,...

...was picking out this butternut squash and putting it in my grocery cart. It was in a big pile and they were all shaped pretty much like this one. And that's really all I need to say about that.

Driving on ice, then and now

Yesterday we already had several inches of snow on the ground when we woke up. This never happens in Texas, unless it snowed the day before. I was not too happy about this, because I signed up to bring snacks to Gabriel's Valentine's party at MDO. But I was mainly upset because I didn't want to get Joel out in the snow, not because of the possibly slippery drive. Because, you see, I LOVE to drive on ice.

At least I used to.

We think this trait was inherited from my grandfather, who used to load up my Mom and uncle in the car anytime it sleeted just to drive around on it. After getting stuck on a hill and almost not making it home one icy night about 20 years ago, my Dad showed me how to downshift using my gears (even in my automatic transmission car), so that I would barely have to tap the brakes to stop. Ever since then I can't wait to get out there. I used to make everybody in my office angry because I would show up on time on snow days, and our boss would slightly rag on everybody else for getting there slowly (and probably safer, I might add) one by one. But that was all before I had kids.

When my children are in the car, I discovered that I felt like I had a huge target on the side of my vehicle. Everyone else was the enemy who might slide into us. As I inched my way on the iciest streets I'd ever driven on yesterday, I wondered if it was worth it just to deliver my 18 frosted Valentine's cookies (store bought, of course.) I was silently cursing the HEB school district for not realizing how dangerous it was out here and insisting on having classes yesterday. My Mom had suggested just dropping off the cookies and then taking Gabriel back home, thereby saving us the hassle and danger of getting out again to pick him up. So halfway there, I was explaining to him why he couldn't stay for the party, when I realized that I had left the damn cookies at home. CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!!! I immediately pulled over and called to tell them that I had made it part of the way, but it was just too icy and I was going back home, and please apologize for me for ruining their party. I failed to mention my forgetfulness.

So we got turned around to head back home. The roads were just getting worse and worse. I forgot to downshift at a four-way stop and slid halfway into the intersection. Then once we got to our neighborhood it was even worse. Instead of just icy patches, it was like driving on an entire sheet of glass. I almost didn't make it up the driveway, but finally was successful. When I pulled into the garage, I burst into tears of relief. Maybe when the kids are older, my strange gusto for slippery driving might come back. But until then, I'll be one of those people who never even attempts to even leave the house.

Pictures of our snow day to follow.

Preschool romance

Gabriel doesn't talk much about his preschool class. There are some really cute kids in his class that have been together now for two years, but he still doesn't seem to have bonded with any of them. I was chatting with another Mom on the way in to pick them up a few weeks ago. Her daughter, Olivia (who is even taller than Gabriel, who is really tall for a 3-year-old), was talking over the weekend about school, and mentioned Gabriel. Then she paused and said, "He's cute". Her Mom said that her husband almost died and couldn't believe he was already hearing those words coming out of his daughter's mouth about a boy.

Tuesday when we were walking in, we saw Olivia and her Mom, and Gabriel said hi to Olivia. That was the first time he ever said hi to any of his classmates, even though I nag him to quite often. So Thursday when I get there to pick up Gabriel, the room is still really dark and it takes me a minute to focus. Gabriel was sound asleep on his mat, and Olivia was sitting next to him rubbing his back. I almost dropped Joel. When I got my composure back I told her that she what a really sweet girl she was. Gabriel woke up and was totally oblivious to the whole thing. Olivia handed me his shoes to put on him, then folded up his blanket and put it in his backpack for him. I told her she was a really good helper and made Gabriel tell her thank you, which he mumbled in his sleepy fog. We ran into her Mom on the way out, and I mentioned that Olivia was very sweet and helped us get our stuff together today. I didn't have the nerve to tell her about the back rubbing.

Kitchen zero to kitchen hero

I just finished watching "Worse Cooks in America" on The Food Network. It was a reality show in which two well-known chefs picked people who supposedly knew nothing about cooking (nominated by their friends and family) and put them on one of two teams for a 10-day immersion boot camp in the kitchen. The best candidates from each team made a three-course meal for three food critics. The winner they picked received $25,000. I was rooting for Jenny, a 21-year old waitress who decided during the course of the show that she wanted to be chef (everyone else on the show just wanted to go home and cook for their friends and family), but the girl on the other team beat her. I wasn't going to watch it, but I caught part of the 2nd episode and was immediately hooked. These people seemed real, and they REALLY didn't know anything about cooking. I think I was fascinated because I used to be one of them. It's kind of like how someone who lost lots of weight would be really into "The Biggest Loser".

But years of experience, reading cooking magazines and watching countless hours of The Food Network has greatly improved my skills. I think my best skill (this is making me think of Napoleon Dynamite) is putting foods together and knowing what flavors go well together. I'm pretty good at getting everything ready at the same time. One thing I still need some help with, though, is knife skills. I'm really sloppy, don't hold the knife right and cut myself pretty often. Central Market offers a class at least once a month on knife technique, but I think I'm too embarrassed and intimidated to take it. I've also never owned really good knives, which I'm sure would make a difference.

I've been able to make dinner most nights since Joel arrived, even though it's a real challenge. Joel has a tendency to eat very little in the morning, then he wants more and more as the day progresses. He eats at least once an hour from 5 until he goes to bed, around 8 or 9. I try to limit prep and cooking time to 30 minutes most nights. If I make something that takes longer, I have to get part of it ready earlier in the day, even on the weekend. Jav is also helping me by doing part of the cleaning up. He's told me we could do more take out, but I'm pretty stubborn about the cost and the not-so-healthy factors. Plus I want Gabriel (and later Joel) to experience simple, real flavors of food, (like how good and sweet a carrot can taste) and you just don't get that with take out. So I'll continue to work like crazy to put dinner on the table most nights, and hopefully continue to learn even more about cooking. One day I might even take that knife class.

Memory loss

As I watch Joel get bigger and start to become more aware of his surroundings and all of us, I am flabbergasted at how little I remember when Gabriel was this age. I remember that he cried much more than we ever thought possible. I remember that it was really hard to get him to go to sleep. But I don't remember his smiles or giggles, or little noises like he wanted to talk to us. I had to go back and read my posts about Gabriel to help give my memory a little jolt. I fear the same thing will happen with Joel and in a few years I won't remember any of this. And to make matters worse, I find I am much lazier (or just busier?) about taking pictures and video with Joel.

There are already so many differences between the boys. Joel is a talker already. The minute he sees one of our faces, he starts making his little baby talk to us. Poor Gabriel, being the firstborn, had a Mommy that didn't realize I was supposed to be talking to him, and I partially blame myself for some of his speech issues now. On the other hand, I realize now how lucky we were with Gabriel in that we didn't have to take him to the doctor for illness until he was over a year old. I never called or was concerned or anything. I think by the time Joel was a month old we had called 10 times about various things, sometimes in the middle of the night. But many of those calls had to do with me taking meds to get over my cough and were they safe to take while nursing. And although Joel doesn't cry near as much as Gabriel did, when he cries he is much louder than Gabriel every was. It was a production followed by prayers to get Gabriel to sleep for the first three months or so. Joel falls asleep so easily that I can't rouse him for his last feeding some nights. Personality-wise, I think Gabriel takes after me. He's impulsive, he doesn't like to sit still and can be a bit manic sometimes. I believe Joel will be more like Jav, calm and laid back. Gabriel is my Speedy Gonzales and Joel is my Slowpoke Rodriquez.

We all attended Mass last Saturday for the first time since (I'm embarrassed to say it) September. We had been so nervous about taking both boys, but it went so well. Joel was awake for the first half, then got fussy so I found an empty room and fed him. He slept through the rest of the service. Gabriel was so good we wondered if elves had kidnapped our child and replaced him with someone who actually minds us. He even picked up the hymnal and tried to sing every time there was a hymn. It felt really good to go, and I got all emotional thinking about these two gifts God has given us. When we were walking out Father Paul wanted to see Joel and when he found out how much he had weighed at birth he literally shouted, "Holy Mother!" Jav and I found this hysterical. We were happy to find out that our friends that we sit behind had their second boy (their first is a year younger than Gabriel) last Wednesday. What is the deal with people having boys? Not one person that's been pregnant lately has had a girl, and all the babies born in the hospital the night Joel was born were boys.

I must try to make a commitment to myself to drag out the camera and the video camera every day. I don't want these sweet days to fly by without some documentation.

Brothers

Even though it's a little blurry, I love this picture. And how I love these boys.

Western Week

I'm so proud of Gabriel for wearing his hat into the classroom. I just wish he would have sung his cowboy song - "Yipee Ti Yi Yoooooooo, Little Doggies"

Growth spurt

Joel started his six-week growth spurt Thursday. For the first time he was eagerly eating at every feeding without falling asleep after 3 minutes. Which led to better naps and more peaceful wakeful times, which meant we had a couple of really great days. Especially Friday, which was just about as perfect of a day as you can get with a newborn in the house. Today I'm not sure if the growth spurt is still going on or if he's just decided that eating is fun, but he has been wanting to eat every hour to hour and a half today, and hasn't wanted to take much of a nap at all. It's exhausting! On days like this I come close to thinking I want to give up, but then I remember how far we have come and I decide to stick with it at least another day. I'm really hoping to continue breast feeding for a year. I don't want to have to buy one can of formula. But the main reason is that when it works, it's just such a perfect feeling. He has started sucking on his hand and I'm trying to decide if it'd be ok to give him a pacifier. I've read that I could run the risk of really messing things up by giving a pacifier to a lazy eater like Joel.

We set a busy agenda for ourselves this weekend. Jav wanted to take some big boxes out of our garage and put them into storage (thank you Mike and Susan!) We wanted to finally get all the Christmas decorations put away and back up in the attic. All of this so that Jav can start parking in the garage. He hasn't had a radio in his car since his got stolen months ago. I don't know how he's gone this long. My goal today was to wash all of the pets bedding, and clean off anything that had pet hair on it, like cat scratch posts. I haven't washed the cats' bedding in about 6 months. Yuck! Even though Bones keeps himself really clean, he does have periods of shedding. Zoe is another matter. We call her Pig Pen, because she is not very good at grooming herself and walks around the house in a little cloud of white hair. When I started brushing her every day, though, she got better at doing it herself. Since Joel's been here I stopped brushing them, but have now started up again. It's a good feeling to have at least one aspect of my house clean. I also did four loads of laundry today, which may be a record. Why does one tiny person increase the laundry tenfold? It just doesn't make sense to me.

The funnest thing we did happened this afternoon. We had our first family walk with both boys and Molly. It was a beautiful day and we all enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. (Well, Joel slept through the whole thing.) It felt so good to get out of the house for awhile!

Joel is really looking around at everything now. He started smiling and laughing (on the same day) about three weeks ago, but now his whole face gets into the smile. Gabriel loves it when Joel smiles at him. He's making the wonderful little cooing noises that babies make, and today squealed really loud. He's been enjoying his sponge baths, and I'm so ready to give him a real bath to see what happens, but his little umbilical stump still hasn't fallen off.

I'm wondering if I should give up drinking milk since Joel has been extremely fussy in the evenings. I don't know if you can call if colic, but it seems close. Several things bother me about this. One thing is that I drink milk all day long, so wouldn't he be fussy all day, not just in the evenings? The other thing is that I eat all kinds of food that could be causing his tummy to act up (cabbage, citrus fruits, etc...), so how do I know it's milk? I LOVE milk and am going to be really upset if I have to stop drinking it for awhile. I guess it could just be typical baby evening fussiness for reasons other than digestion, especially on days like today when I know Joel hasn't gotten enough sleep during the day. Sometimes I think all the reading I've been doing on first year issues make me think too much.

And on a very sad note, the devastation in Haiti from last week's massive earthquake is almost more than I can comprehend. My sister-in-law told us about a teacher's aide from Haiti at her school. His mother had gone home to visit relatives and passed away in the earthquake. They still have not been able to contact any of his wife's family, and fear the worse for them, too. That is just one of literally millions of stories of people who have lost loved ones. I am praying for the victims, their families, the rescue workers and the people trying to get relief to them.

Long days

Why is it when you have a newborn that every day seems to last about 72 hours long? And that's with a good baby. Because Joel is a good baby. He's sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches at night, and takes short cat naps during the day. He has his moments when he gets really tired and cranky, but that's only towards the end of the evening. Our biggest issue has been breast feeding, due to his sleepiness and me continually trying to make it harder than it needs to be. But I think we finally made it past the learning curve and are doing pretty well now. It's amazing to me how much you forget about having a newborn. I had not forgotten about labor, but I had forgotten about how helpless this little guy would be, and about the crying and how horrible it can make you feel when you can't stop it.

It also seems much harder this time because we have Gabriel. He is very sweet and never complains outright about the fact that

I have very little time to sit down and play with just him. But I know he is a little irritated because he doesn't want me to play with him if I'm holding Joel. And he has definitely reverted back somewhat and cowers behind me when I try to drop him off at Mother's Day Out. He loves testing me these days, which leaves me feeling like all I do is gripe at him all day long. And I don't even want to discuss potty training, or our lack thereof.

And then there's me and my OCD about having no clutter and a clean house. When Gabriel was a baby, if he took a short nap I would try to get some cleaning or laundry done. I realized that if Joel takes a short nap I need to try to play with or read to Gabriel. If I go absolutely bonkers because the house is such a mess, so be it. Which, of course, is easier said than done. Sometimes I just can't stand it and pick up the broom. Then I feel guilty when Gabriel comes up later and asks if I want to play and I'm feeding Joel and can't get up off the couch. That has definitely been the hardest part of this so far. And getting used to functioning on only 4-5 hours of sleep within a 24-hour period.

Jav has really stepped it up in more ways than I can count, He is feeding the pets in the morning, doing the dishes after dinner, and putting Gabriel to bed most evenings. (He was already giving him a bath every night.) I am so lucky to have such a fantastic husband and father to my kids.

The weather hasn't helped the long days either, with the coldest temps we've had in a long time keeping us all inside and with growing cabin fever. I don't think there's ever been a stretch this long that I haven't gone outside since I've been an adult. I probably am suffering from a vitamin D deficiency. But with temps in the teens and 20's, there's no way we're going outside.

We've also had stresses around the house too lately, like our garage door broke and we couldn't get the car out for a couple of days. We finally got them both fixed, though, and now it's been great to load up the kids in the warmer garage before heading out. Our vacuum cleaner is falling apart. Then during the last cold snap we woke up with no water coming out of the kitchen sink. I guess we should have taken my Dad''s advice and had a plumber come and wrap the pipes in the attic (or at least we could have remembered to keep a slow drip going). I think we dodged a bullet, though, because after Jav and my Dad did some things to try to thaw out the pipes we had running water by lunch time and nothing had busted.

But there are the truly sweet moments, like today when I was nursing Joel and Gabriel crawled in the big green chair with us to watch TV. I am still pinching myself that I get to have two kids. It also helps to keep me awake!

Gabriel's haircut

Gabriel came home from his recent haircut looking like Little Ricky, with his hair all slicked up in the front with gel.. All he needs is a conga drum.

Gabriel-Best of

Watching him play the drums on a big book in the back seat to all the fast songs on Here Come the 1 2 3's.

His ending to any play phone conversation with his imitation of Mama with the goofy laugh and the West Texas "Bye", then another short goofy laugh. And realizing I do it on almost every phone call.

Seeing his bottom lip come out (like it used to when he was a baby) when he gets embarassed about falling, or when one of the cats hurts his feelings and takes a swipe at him.

When he gets the "midnight crazies" before and/or after his bath and runs at top speed around the house alternately saying, "Mama, mama, mama," then "Dada, dada, dada".

Seeing how sweet he is with the pets, hugging and petting them and loving to say their names. Then he started leaning his head near them and saying,"Isn't that sweet?" Just like we do.

Watching him play the piano with such gusto and passion, especially when he sings too. Where has he seen anybody do this? And realizing that for any request we give him he actually plays an intro to the song before he starts singing.

When he reads his truck book (and other books) he gets crazy excited arms and body for each different picture.

He jumps with excitement anytime someone gets into a truck and drives away.

Standing up in the green velvet chair and stomping his feet while saying "Boom A Boom A Boom" and mommy running from the big scary dinosaur. To squeals of delight.

The day we picked up Andrew and Allison for the first time, and he looked down the hall and said, clear as a bell, "library!"

The first time he requested we go to the library, and got really upset when I had to tell him it was closed that day.

The day we were driving out of Dr. Cavazos's office and stopped at an intersection, and he said, clear as a bell, "octagon", while pointing at the stop sign.

Watching him turn into the froggy, his animal of choice, and saying Ribbit Ribbit all over the house.

A-Boom-a boom-a boom-a boom-a while stomping on the green velvet chair - Dinasaur!!!

Singing the ABC song over and over while grocery shopping. Spontaneous hugs from the buggy while grocery shopping.

Jumping on the trampoline - jump, jump, jump jump a jump until we get to the rest rest rest part.

Playing hide and seek behind the trees - one, two, tree, fower, pive, dix, memen, eight, nine, ten! Here I come!

Reading most books, and hearing, "what's that Mama?" every page. I love that.

'five, four, three two one BLAST OFF another rocket ship run" while I lift him into the air on my legs and hearing that wonderful laugh.

talking to his little ladybug, taking her all around the house and showing her things.

the ear-piercing screech he started making when he didn't get his way.

Jav giving him piggy-back rides around the house.

Best phrases: to-tay (ok), "dude it again" or "wead it again"

Introducing Wallace and Gromit to him

Great Ladybug Tragedy of 2009

Shoulder-shake dance exactly like Cade used to at his age, and low evil giggle that Cade did too.

"Nice haircut, Daddy"

The afternoon I couldn't find my purse before Mass and was running all over the house looking for it, and Gabriel started yelling "Dad Gummit" like a cuss word while running around after me.

The day we had been to the library and he found his favorite book Things That Go and when I was loading him into the car he said, "Thanks for coming, Mama".

"That's a gweat idea!"

"Oh, I did forget!"

"Time to play my 'puter."