One of My Life-Changing Moments

Tomorrow we will have our annual Blue and Gold Banquet for cub scouts.  It will be Gabriel and all of his den-mates' last one.

All of these "last" moments are already getting to me.  When I started my den leader journey, I really did not think I would last this long.  First off, Leader is not something I think of when I think of me.  I am a much better follower, or even better, an ignorer.  Second of all, I was never into scouts as a kid.  I lasted about a month at Bluebirds then told my mom I wanted to quit because they made me talk in front of everyone and made crafts I had no interest in.

I stumbled through Gabriel's Wolf year, my first year, and got through it by reminding myself each meeting was only an hour.  One stinking hour.   At that time there were 3 of them showing up regularly.  The next year we went up to 6.  The Bear year started out rough, but suddenly was better, mostly because of one meeting that changed my attitude.  

Until this meeting I was still convinced I really wasn't den leader material.  I was always on the verge of quitting and incessantly complained to my husband about how put upon I was, feeling obligated to continue which is never a happy feeling.  Then we had our new Adventure about being outside.  I had prepared 7 sounds from local animals that were common to hear on a summer Texas day or night.  Cicadas, Cardinals, Screech Owls at dusk, Katydids starting up as the sun went completely down.  Gabriel was the only one who had heard any of them.  I couldn't believe it.

First I blamed video games, but also thought having televisions in bedrooms and just a general dislike or distrust of being outside as the culprit.  I thought, this is bad.  They NEED to know these things.  And of course, my spending summers outside wasn't unique to me as a kid.  We ALL spent summers outside because we had nothing else.  And then once I lived in my little rent house in the country in my 30's I REALLY started loving the outside.

And I realized that I was meant to be a den leader to get these boys outside, and to teach them how to love it as much as I do.  A few weeks later we went on a pack hike at Tandy Hills.  I loved every second and kept up with the boy scouts who hike it all the time, even though it is pretty hilly and difficult in parts.

After this epiphany, my attitude changed dramatically.  I started looking forward to each new adventure, and the boys kept coming back (which also amazed me), and we grew again for our first Webelo year.  We had 9 coming at the beginning of that year, then one changed his mind and quit coming halfway through the year.  At this point the Boy Scout leaders were tickled pink to think of getting that many in a couple of years; their numbers have been falling to all-time lows and they have trouble getting anyone to participate in activities these days.

Last year, my scout master recommended me for an Award, for being The Driving Force for our pack.  I was very moved and so much more proud than I ever could have imagined.  He is another reason for my continuing.  He is a big, shy guy but stepped up when no one else would to lead the pack.  He is nothing like the diehard to-the-book almost military scouting people I've come across at monthly meetings.  Very few of them realize what it is like to have minimal parental help, socio-economic issues and other inner city issues.

Another great thing that has caused me to love this part of my life now came from a very unsuspecting place:  Father Eric, our priest.  We were not big fans when he came to our parish.  But one of the many things that has turned our attitudes around on him is his absolute championing of scouting.  He had been an Eagle Scout, traveled several times to the Jamboree and Philmont.  He actually joined a few brave boy scouts on a Philmont trip this past summer!  A few months ago he was named as the new Chaplain of Scouting for our diocese.  It was a great honor for him, and he has a new stole he wears during Ordinary Time that he proudly showed off at Mass.  He is constantly preaching the value and importance of scouting and trying to recruit new members.  He comes to every big event and as of late has been showing up at all den meetings.  His enthusiasm has been inspiring to me.

This year we started with 7 Arrow of Light boys (one didn't come back from last year) and now seem to have one more that has quit coming for unknown reasons.  I wanted this Blue and Gold to be special for my remaining ones.  The boys are always the entertainment, and in the past they have told jokes and done magic tricks.  My first thought was a Soul Train dance line, but that seemed like pie in the sky to pull off.  Then I thought of the perfect thing:  LIP SYNCHING!!!   The boys were pumped!  The scout master liked the idea so much he wanted ALL the scouts to join in.  The few who didn't want their own song are pretend-playing backup instruments, either bongo drums or Guitar Hero guitars.  We delved into the dress up boxes that I've thankfully hung onto for some semblance of costumes.  We have been practicing like crazy and HAVING A BLAST!  I hope they will get into it tomorrow when all friends and family are there.  We have lost quite a few boys overall, but there are 70 people expected (including my parents and Jav's mom and sister) so it will be a packed house!

And I will find myself in another crazy role, as emcee for this event.  Cracking jokes, getting the crowd going and trying to keep up with my music edits all the while.  My gosh, who am I?  I'm honestly not sure but I'm thankful for every second.  

Moonrise Retreat - Last day and wrap up

It is always sad to have to leave a vacation spot.  But this time was really hard for me.  I am starting to feel the nostalgia that an aging person who has had a good life starts to feel.  It was a week of sweet memories mixed with the joy of knowing I was making new ones with Jav and the boys.  It was happiness that I could have some family surrounding us, if even for a few hours.  But also sadness that we are missing several folks from that family who have passed to the next plane.

My week was filled with little details that stick with me so strongly from being a kid - the taste of Aunt Lou's homemade bread; listening to Uncle Robert's slight German accent as he told a great story interrupted by his chuckles; my grandparents and Aunt Lou and Uncle Robert erupting into such laughter remembering those funny stories that they had tears running down their faces.  How I miss them and the feeling of being safe and loved when we were all together!

But there were moments on the trip that were so very much like ones I had in my childhood that I knew I had given all of us a great gift by choosing Fredericksburg:  Crossing over the creek in the middle of Lady Bird Park and dipping our hands in the small rushing waterfalls; watching the boys romp around the farm, feed the animals and ride Beau the retired racehorse just like when my brother and I helped out and rode their old horse Stonewall on my cousin's first farm all those years ago; walking up and down Main Street where the shops may be different but the feel of it is exactly the same at every stage of my life; arriving at the top of Enchanted Rock and breathing in the beautiful views on all sides, and watching sunrises and sunsets on the top of a hill in the Hill Country, one of the most gorgeous sites on Earth.

Also, to relive the joy of our wedding day with the boys was a very special thing to be able to do.  They were infatuated by the story of the magical kitty who showed up just in time for wedding pictures who we are ALL convinced was my grandmother reincarnating herself to attend the wedding.  Hopefully they can imagine, at least a little, what it was like to be there.

We were so lucky with the weather, also, not being hot as an inferno for most of the trip.  We had some wonderful meals out and some fun times eating in.  We spent much time together seeing sights in town, having some great board game competitions and gazing up at that beautiful star-filled sky.  We spent one lovely evening reminiscing with family and having the older generations meet our two boys.  My cousin and her husband took time to get to know Gabriel and Joel, something I had not anticipated and was so very happy to have happen.  We hiked and walked and slept well and breathed in the cleaner air, and appreciated getting away from noise and bustle and routine.

My cousin's home, built in the late 1800's.

This could be my brother romping
around on dirt piles at my cousin's first
farm back in the late 70's.

One last sit on the porch to enjoy the view before heading home.

I hope the boys never forget this trip.  I may not have been born here, but I've spent so much of my life here that I truly feel like it is home.   I have other ethnicities in me, but I do not feel them like I do German.  I look across the hills and can imagine what my great great great grandparents saw in this place when they arrived from Germany and decided to settle down.  That is a powerful connection that I hope the boys will now continue.

Some vacation in the future we now need to take them to Mexico to get the same feelings from their dad's side.

Moonrise Retreat, Day Six

I have taken so long to get caught up with our travel diary that I was confused about our nights.  The crazy thing that happened that proved "you can take the slicker out of the city but you can't take the city out of the slicker" was actually the night before this.  My cousin and her husband had left that morning to go out of town.  We turned in for the night after playing games for hours and conked out right away.

Until.  I woke up around 2 to see Jav looking out of our 2nd floor window down towards the ground.  I asked what was wrong and he said a strange sound had awakened him.  Jav did not clarify that he thought it was some type of animal sound.  I immediately assumed he meant an axe murderer.  Lemme tell you, it only takes a few seconds for your opinion of a place to go from a quaint and quiet house in the country to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear you scream.

Several thoughts also quickly flew through my head:  1) We were on our own, there was no one in that big house just across the driveway, 2)  All of the guns I assume my cousin and her husband own were probably locked up somewhere in said big empty house, 3)  the axe murderer was certainly somewhere on the path between us and the big empty house, or was already inside our house, and 4) as we were listening for the sound again, that every window in the house was probably unlocked.  And oh yeah 5) that book "In Cold Blood" about the people who were murdered.  In a farm house.

I was almost too terrified to move.  When Jav realized how frightened I was he finally told me it was a wild sound, more like some kind of animal, but I could tell either the sound was so strange it had really rattled him, or he wasn't telling me the truth and he also thought it was an axe murderer.

I made him walk around the whole house, turning on lights as he went.  And then I realized I had to see for myself that no one was in the house or I would never sleep.  So I trudged around behind him, heart pounding in my chest so loudly I thought it would wake up the kids.  The worst room was a front bedroom they added on recently that had a huge picture window in the front and no blinds.  I couldn't go inside it.  I was sure there would be a horrible figure staring at me through that window.

We, of course, found no one.  But I could never go fully back to sleep during those early morning hours.  I worked crossword puzzles, would doze off a little then wake with a start and listen hard for any sound.  It was a long 4 hours until the sun starting coming up and I was able to fall asleep.

The next morning I went around the entire house checking the locks on the windows.  There were a bunch of them, and very few of them had been locked.    Lesson learned:  We are not psychologically equipped to live in the country on our own anytime soon.

On to our last full day!

We initially wanted to do a State Park hike early this day.  But the hot summer temps finally hit and we backed out of a longer hike.  Instead we decided to try Lady Bird Johnson Municipal Park.  I visited this park many times in my youth, mostly to fish with my Uncle Robert.  There is a large creek that runs right through the middle of the park.  We found a small playground area just above where the ducks and geese were.

We had brought a big bag of birdseed to feed them.  But we did not anticipate two problems:
1.  The geese were as tall as the boys, and
2.   They would be pretty upset because we had birdseed and not people food.  OK, let's just use the word "mad"!

Those big gray geese chased us all of us, even the grownups.  They honked and hissed and flapped their wings. It was a little scary!  But we persisted for the majority of the ducks who were quite friendly and appreciative.  I guess we are lucky none of us were pecked at!

It's a Hobbit House!  

We found the nature trail, which was supposed to be 3 miles if you hiked the entire loop.  We probably did about 2 miles, and the heat kept us from continuing.  But we saw some beautiful butterflies and dragonflies, some pretty views up and down the creek, and a really cool bird watching blind with feeders everywhere and pics of all the native birds that might come to feed.

By the time we were done hiking we were very hot and thirsty.  It just so happened that next door to the park is the Fredericksburg airport.  Not a big one, only small planes flying in and out.  Most people fly in to play a round of golf, have a meal and fly home.  There is a old hangar that someone's turned into an old-school diner that we had been told had great food.  We ordered sodas, burgers and fries, and took a seat at the window so the kids could watch the planes landing and taking off.  Pretty cool!

It was quite a morning, so we retired to the farm to rest awhile and then do our chores for the day.  Fed the chickens, horses and cats.

Awwww back to our wonderful and peaceful house in the country.  With all the windows and doors locked, I slept almost normally.  Almost.

Moonrise Retreat - Day Five (Herb Farm)

One of the many signs and reasons I love the Fredericksburg Herb Farm.  They have made some changes over the years since we were married there that I don't really like.  But they've left enough things the same that I still love walking through, and showing the boys exactly what happened where on that very special of days.

We thought we would be clever and have matching Fredericksburg purple t-shirts (no reason for purple other than that was the one we found in all of our sizes at the T-shirt shop).  But I am disappointed in our decision because they look a little cheesy.  Should have just gone with the all denim or all white shirts. 

As you can see, it's still a beautiful place to visit.  The heat of summer had not hit yet, so everything still looked so fresh and pretty.  There are many benches scattered around to just sit and take it all in.  It's a bit surreal to think of that day.  We were so full of hope that we'd get to have a child even as old as we were.  And now look at what's happened.  Double the blessings!  That little thundercloud that rained all that fertility on us that day really did its job!!!

And what trip to the Herb Farm would be complete without a visit from Mamaw, ummm I mean one the the Farm Cats.  We met a very nice but quirky older woman who worked at the Farm.  She said the cats are not pets there, they are employees!  I guess if we'd told her our crazy cat story from our wedding day she would have thought we were plenty quirky ourselves. 

We love, love, love this pic that Gabriel took of us under "our" windmill.  For many years after the wedding one of our photographer's shots of us under this windmill would be in every Visitor's Guide in every hotel room in town. We were famous! 

Farewell, Herb Farm, don't change a thing until we come back again in a few years!

We had a break at the brewery after that emotional ride.  Mr. Hefeweizen, I'm very happy to see you!  After a small rest at the B&B, Jav took the boys to the community pool so they could practice swimming and have some fun.  Joel was scheduled to start swim lessons the Monday after we returned from vacation.  It's kind of neat to think that my mom and uncle used to swim as kids in this very pool, or at least one very much like it.

I have no more pics from this day, I guess we had another wonderful Hill Country evening of playing board games, eating ice cream under the stars, and slowly drifting off to slumberland.   Unfortunately, this ended up being the last night of the vacation that was a peaceful one for me.  More to come.