When Tito passed away, we did not think it was a good idea to take Gabriel or Joel to the visitation or the buriel, but brought Gabriel to the funeral. He was really upset all week, and I told him I thought attending the service might be comforting to him, since it was held in our regular parish with songs he would recognize. And I think I was right, albeit I had not thought of his questions when he saw the casket being brought in before the service started. I wasn't very prepared to answer his, "What's that?" But I struggled through. Gabriel then said, "I thought Heaven was up THERE (pointing up), not down in the ground (pointing down)." So Jav launched into a rather heroic explanation of the soul leaving the body. This seemed to leave Gabriel wondering, but I think he was ok.
We had told him that we would visit the gravesite in a few weeks so that we could sit down and talk with Tito, because he could still hear us. He just couldn't talk back. This also seemed to blow Gabriel's mind a little, and I'm not sure how comfortable he was when we took both boys for a visit for the first time. I tried to get him to talk but I could tell he thought it was weird and didn't say much. I made a joke and asked if Tito liked his new neighbors, which Jav laughed at but Gabriel just looked sad. Sigh. There's just not much else you can do, I guess, other than keep the spirit of his grandfather alive by telling him stories, and visiting his gravesite in the hope that maybe it will give him some peace. But if it keeps upsetting him maybe we need to lay off for awhile.
But none of that has to do with my story. Soon after we got out of the car and found Tito's buriel site, we spotted a rather large white dog about 100 yards away. It just appeared from behind one of the larger mausoleums. I was a little concerned because I did not see a leash on it. And Jojo gets pretty nervous around strange dogs. I pointed it out to Jav and he started watching it too, notating that it was a pretty dog and didn't look like a stray. But there was no owner around that we could see. It sniffed around the mausoleum a bit, then just laid down on the grass. Now, I like to think that I know dog behavior, and this dog was definitly not a stray. They are way too skittish to ever lay down in the middle of the day, especially with people nearby. And the dog never even glanced our way.
All of this started to make me feel really strange. I looked at Jav watching the dog, and knew he was thinking some strange thoughts about it too. We were both looking all around for an owner, but there was just no one. Then another strange thing happened that really blew me away. Joel started walking towards the dog! And Joel does NOT walk towards dogs, he runs the other way. We told him no, he needed to come back with us, because we didn't know that doggie. The dog just continued peacefully laying in the grass, not asleep, but with his head up. But he never looked over or seemed the least bit concerned even when Joel had been walking that direction. Then just as suddently, the dog got up and walked back around the mausoleum where we couldn't see him any more.
By this time we were done with our visit anyway and curiousity overcame Jav and I. We got back in the car and drove around, looking for some sign of the dog or a person, but there was nothing. Like it had just vanished. Jav was so overwhelmed about the whole thing he even asked the cemetary owners when he had to sign some final paperwork if any of the groundskeepers own a dog. The gentleman looked at him very strangely and said no, they don't allow any dogs on the grounds, with the exception of one woman who visits her husband's grave with her dog every morning on a leash. And her dog is not white.
So, without voicing it at the time to each other, we both thought it might have been Tito. When we were talking about it the week afterward, Jav had told Sandra our story. She reminded Jav about their family Christmas ornaments. They each picked out ornaments to represent themselves on the tree, years ago. Jav's dad picked out a white dog. I wish I could explain more about the moment, how very at ease the dog was. How peaceful the time was while we were all out there. I now believe, without a doubt, that it was him, welcoming us to his body's new resting place, and trying to make us feel better.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
A Sad Summer
We had a hard, hard summer. Jav's dad went into the hospital, then rehab, then nursing care within a month starting in May. We had Sandra's wedding, a joyful event, but bittersweet when we realized that her dad really did not grasp what was going on. Then my mom went into the hospital with heart issues for four days. Then Jav's mom went to the ER because of digestive issues that have been plaguing her for years.
We went into full crisis mode. I scrambled to find babysitting for the boys so I could still get some hours in at work. Jav and his sister took turns visiting their dad every night for dinner until he went to bed. They explained to him where their mom was, but he would forget, or perhaps even not believe them. She spent two weeks in the hospital after having major surgery to have part of her intestine and her appendix removed. It took a week to determine if her digestive system was working well. It was something that will improve her quality of life immensely, but it came at such a bad time.
We visited with Jav's dad just before we left for our Galveston trip and just before she returned home. I was shocked at how thin he had become since Sandra's wedding. He was very bitter, and looked so confused and angry. It broke my heart to see him, and bothered Gabriel so much we decided we couldn't let him visit unless we knew he was having a good day. We went on our trip and had a fantastic time. I think it was an understatement to say that we needed to get away for some fun and laughs with the boys. We got back late Sunday afternoon, and started the post-trip drudgery of unpacking, tackling mounds of laundry, running to the store to get by until a big grocery trip, etc... He knew Sandra was expecting to take care of his dad Sunday night, so decided not to visit.
We got a call early Monday morning that his dad had gone to the hospital, but they didn't say why. I guess in retrospect we should have known what was coming, but we didn't. He called around 9 to let me know his father, Celestino, had passed away in his sleep sometime early Monday morning. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still a shock that it came so quickly. And with so much guilt and "wish we could have done this or that" surrounding us. His mother took it the hardest, of course, She had only had the strength to visit him one time since getting home from the hospital. I'm sure it shocked and saddened her when she saw him, and was too much for a 77-year-old recovering from such major surgery. Everyone has said, "It's just one of those things that coudn't be helped...". And this is always followed by, "...and it is so very, very sad."
Yes it is. He was a wonderful mixture of old school and modern thinking. He had stories of growing up on a farm and being so proud not when he got his first car, but when he got a horse of his very own. He came to America to work and earn money for he and his new bride, Consuelo. But something about America grew on him. He brought her here, with a promise of going back and starting a family after he worked for a few years. Then Javier, then his sister, came along and Tino decided he wanted a better life for his kids. This was way back before so many Mexican nationals were brave enough to do it. He and Consuelo became U.S. citizens while retaining their Mexican citizenship. He worked hard to send his kids through Catholic school. He earned lasting respect from many Nolan students during the years he coached their baseball team. But he also made sure his kids spent summers in Monterrey, so they would understand where they came from and carry on some of the culture. I have such respect for what he and Consuelo accomplished here, away from large familial support and surrounded by mosty white families. They carved out a life, like pioneers staking their claim, and sent both kids to college. It still blows my mind.
Tino was a stern but loving father, and was quite intimidating the first few times I was around him. But as soon as we were married, and I mean the night of the wedding, he started calling me "Mija", just as he did Sandra. It moved me and made me feel so welcome to be a part of their family. He always had a great story, he loved meeting and talking to all kinds of different people. And when the time came he was a fun and doting grandfather. It breaks my heart to think that the boys might not remember him. I was 8 when I lost my grandfather, and have some specific memories that I carry with me, but most of it is very vague and blurry. I think that is how Gabriel's memories will be. Joel may not remember him at all. So it will be up to us to explain, show pictures, tell stories and paint a picture of the wonderful person his Tito was. Although we wish we had more to tell him. Why is it such human nature to halfway listen to the stories, or tune out when we think we've heard them before? Only to berate ourselves for not soaking up every word once the person is gone and the stories have ended. But we will try.
Even though it is a bit of a relief to know he isn't so upset, angry and confused any longer, I miss him terribly.
We went into full crisis mode. I scrambled to find babysitting for the boys so I could still get some hours in at work. Jav and his sister took turns visiting their dad every night for dinner until he went to bed. They explained to him where their mom was, but he would forget, or perhaps even not believe them. She spent two weeks in the hospital after having major surgery to have part of her intestine and her appendix removed. It took a week to determine if her digestive system was working well. It was something that will improve her quality of life immensely, but it came at such a bad time.
We visited with Jav's dad just before we left for our Galveston trip and just before she returned home. I was shocked at how thin he had become since Sandra's wedding. He was very bitter, and looked so confused and angry. It broke my heart to see him, and bothered Gabriel so much we decided we couldn't let him visit unless we knew he was having a good day. We went on our trip and had a fantastic time. I think it was an understatement to say that we needed to get away for some fun and laughs with the boys. We got back late Sunday afternoon, and started the post-trip drudgery of unpacking, tackling mounds of laundry, running to the store to get by until a big grocery trip, etc... He knew Sandra was expecting to take care of his dad Sunday night, so decided not to visit.
We got a call early Monday morning that his dad had gone to the hospital, but they didn't say why. I guess in retrospect we should have known what was coming, but we didn't. He called around 9 to let me know his father, Celestino, had passed away in his sleep sometime early Monday morning. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still a shock that it came so quickly. And with so much guilt and "wish we could have done this or that" surrounding us. His mother took it the hardest, of course, She had only had the strength to visit him one time since getting home from the hospital. I'm sure it shocked and saddened her when she saw him, and was too much for a 77-year-old recovering from such major surgery. Everyone has said, "It's just one of those things that coudn't be helped...". And this is always followed by, "...and it is so very, very sad."
Sunday, September 08, 2013
Believing, part one.
When we got married, a strange thing happened that those of us in the know all agree was a very special thing to witness. Sometime towards the end of the ceremony, a small black and white cat wandered into the Herb Farm courtyard where we were. It kept its distance at first, but once the majority of attendees had headed to the bar and tables to wait out pictures, the cat made its presence known in bolder ways.
A couple of times it would wander close to Jav and I during the photo shoot. At one point the photographer asked, "Do you guys know this cat? It seems so comfortable around you." We told him we'd never seen it before. Then during one shot, when Jav and I were seated on a bench at the back of the gardens, the cat actually jumped in my lap. It was at that point that the little voice I had been ignoring in the back of my head shouted out, "It's Mamaw!" I think I may have mentioned it to Jav out loud, but that was all at first.
My grandmother had passed away a month after Jav and I started dating. She was my favorite person in the whole world, and she never got to meet the true love of my life. The whole reason I had considered Fredericksburg as a place to get married, originally, was that when my family came to her memorial service, I had said that it was so good to see everyone, but I wished the reason we were all together wasn't such a sad one. Then Fredericksburg started to really make sense when we realized Jav's family from Monterrey could meet us there and not have to make the much longer drive to Fort Worth. Additionally, it really started to seem perfect when you realize what a blending of German and Hispanic cultures Fredericksburg has championed for decades. But my thoughts about Mamaw were the ones that got the ball rolling.
So back to the wedding. My grandmother was a very strong-willed person. So it made sense to think that she would have thought of a way to attend her granddaughters' wedding. And in her own way, let me know without a doubt who she was. I think we told my mom, Jav's sister, and maybe a few other people about the cat during the reception. I know I told my friend Cobra, who totally believed in that sort of thing and was certain it was true. The cat disappeared once the sun went down and the music started, or at least we just didn't notice her after that. We asked the Herb Farm employees afterwards if that was one of their regular cats, and they had never seen it before that day. Our photographer was so entranced by the story that he checked in a couple of months later and found out they had found a home for the cat, and he was kind enough to email me to let me know.
I have very complicated, to say the least, feelings about religion and the after-life. I won't go into all of that here. All I know is that there are mysteries that we come across in life that are hard to explain, and this was one that I can easily explain. I know, without a doubt, that that little cat was my grandmother for the couple of hours that we saw her lingering. I was moved and happy beyond belief that she had figured out a way to be there, and it made the day even more special. It may sound completely crazy, but it's what I believe.
A couple of times it would wander close to Jav and I during the photo shoot. At one point the photographer asked, "Do you guys know this cat? It seems so comfortable around you." We told him we'd never seen it before. Then during one shot, when Jav and I were seated on a bench at the back of the gardens, the cat actually jumped in my lap. It was at that point that the little voice I had been ignoring in the back of my head shouted out, "It's Mamaw!" I think I may have mentioned it to Jav out loud, but that was all at first.
My grandmother had passed away a month after Jav and I started dating. She was my favorite person in the whole world, and she never got to meet the true love of my life. The whole reason I had considered Fredericksburg as a place to get married, originally, was that when my family came to her memorial service, I had said that it was so good to see everyone, but I wished the reason we were all together wasn't such a sad one. Then Fredericksburg started to really make sense when we realized Jav's family from Monterrey could meet us there and not have to make the much longer drive to Fort Worth. Additionally, it really started to seem perfect when you realize what a blending of German and Hispanic cultures Fredericksburg has championed for decades. But my thoughts about Mamaw were the ones that got the ball rolling.
So back to the wedding. My grandmother was a very strong-willed person. So it made sense to think that she would have thought of a way to attend her granddaughters' wedding. And in her own way, let me know without a doubt who she was. I think we told my mom, Jav's sister, and maybe a few other people about the cat during the reception. I know I told my friend Cobra, who totally believed in that sort of thing and was certain it was true. The cat disappeared once the sun went down and the music started, or at least we just didn't notice her after that. We asked the Herb Farm employees afterwards if that was one of their regular cats, and they had never seen it before that day. Our photographer was so entranced by the story that he checked in a couple of months later and found out they had found a home for the cat, and he was kind enough to email me to let me know.
I have very complicated, to say the least, feelings about religion and the after-life. I won't go into all of that here. All I know is that there are mysteries that we come across in life that are hard to explain, and this was one that I can easily explain. I know, without a doubt, that that little cat was my grandmother for the couple of hours that we saw her lingering. I was moved and happy beyond belief that she had figured out a way to be there, and it made the day even more special. It may sound completely crazy, but it's what I believe.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Bad judgement call?
Probably. But in my defense...
We love Brave Combo at our house. Mostly because of the Christmas CD. It's the first one we listen to every year, and it has become very near and dear to my kids' hearts. Their music is, well, fun. Lots of Polkas, but also Cha-Cha-Chas, Rhumbas, Waltzes, the Conga, and every show has a version of The Chicken Dance and The Hokey Pokey. We saw them at an outdoor festival when Gabriel was very young, but he doesn't remember. We've since pondered taking them to see a show, but they always seem to start too late, or be in a club.
Then I got the Levitt Pavilion Fall schedule. Levitt is an outdoor stage, with grass to dance, sit, eat, drink or lay down and listen on. FREE concerts, with the exception of one fundraising one each year. They have a summer schedule, with concerts Wed - Sun night, Memorial Day weekend through the 4th of July. Wednesday is kids' bands. We've been twice. Once each year since we found out about it. We always talk about going more, but then we have other plans, or we talk ourselves out of it because it would be way past the boys' bedtime, or it's too hot, etc....
Then I found out that their Fall concert opener each year is.....drumroll please.....BRAVE COMBO! When I told Gabriel he was so excited. We've had it marked on the calendar for 2 months.
The day before the concert, both boys started sniffling, and Gabriel's teacher informed me when I picked him up that she thought he might have a little fever. Rough nights for both boys (and mommy), so I decided not to send them to school the day of the show. I think in the back of my head I was still hoping they might have enough energy to do the concert. Yes, I am one of those parents who thinks it's okay to miss a day at school to do something fun once in awhile. There are lots of ways to get a good education in life. But as the day wore on I started thinking it probably wasn't a good idea and had to break it to Gabriel that I didn't think we would make the concert after all. The response was Big Fat tears. Sigh. We finished our quiet day, naps for all, and headed to Babe's Chicken Dinner House to have a goodbye dinner with Jav's aunt, who was going back to Mexico after staying with his mom for a month. The boys seemed ok, but droopy. I was resigned about our decision.
But then we went to our cars, and realized that Levitt is only about two blocks from Babe's parking lot. You could hear the band start up. I'm not sure what came over me at that point. A wave of selfishness? Prickly Heat? I was a polka-obsessed zombie. How DARE these summer colds get in the way of our fun that we'd had planned for this long? We got in the car, found a closer parking spot, and went on in. My family looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
It was PACKED. We struggled to find a patch of grass big enough for all four of us. It was also HOT. But Jav got snow cones. I tried to get Gabriel to go do the Twist with me, he started panicking on the way down to the dance "green", but I told him no one was watching him. Everyone was having way too much fun. One of the things I love about Levitt shows is the range of people, races, and ages you get. There are grandparents, parents and kids all sitting together enjoying the music. Couples on dates, single people who just walked up with their dogs, UTA college students. It's all very laid back. So Gabriel did the Twist, which I was very proud of him about. When the lead singer announced they were going to do, "Sway, so get ready to Cha-Cha-Cha!", this couple in their 70's got up and walked out to the empty street the city blocks off for Levitt concerts. They proceeded to start dancing, REALLY well, to the point where a crowd gathered. I really wanted to take their picture, but I think that's rude if you don't ask first in that type of situation. It's one of those moments that I'll never forget - ever in my life. They really did set the mood for the whole crowd. We all four went up to watch this Greek wedding dance, which was too wild for us to join in. Then Gabriel and I did The Chicken Dance in a circle with a bunch of strangers, and had a blast. Then we all jitterbugged to Wooly Bully. I actually felt like I was about to have heat stroke at that point, so we rested. We went back up for the Hokey Pokey, then at the very end I tried to show G how to polka right around where we were sitting, because alot of folks had already headed to their cars.
During all of this the boys were looking droopier and droopier. When we got to the car after the show (probably 10:15 or so), it was still 101. Yikes. Gabriel was exhausted but jubilant on the way home. I was so proud of him for getting over that silly shyness and getting out there to dance his patooty off! This show he will remember.
So Gabriel first got worse, and coughed a bunch the next day, but then started to get better. Joel just seemed to have a touch of it and was fine the next day. I, however, started feeling worse and worse as Saturday dragged on. By 3am Sunday morning I almost had Jav drive me to the ER. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to cough up a lung, but somehow made it through one of the scariest nights I've ever had. I went to Care Now when they opened the next morning, was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, got a steroid shot and immediately started feeling better. When I told my mom the concert story, I beat her to it - "I know, mom, it was idiotic". She replied, as nicely as possible,"Yep, that's what I was thinking." Idiotic, perhaps, but fun. But I won't be going to any more outdoor concerts when it's that stinkin' hot outside.
We love Brave Combo at our house. Mostly because of the Christmas CD. It's the first one we listen to every year, and it has become very near and dear to my kids' hearts. Their music is, well, fun. Lots of Polkas, but also Cha-Cha-Chas, Rhumbas, Waltzes, the Conga, and every show has a version of The Chicken Dance and The Hokey Pokey. We saw them at an outdoor festival when Gabriel was very young, but he doesn't remember. We've since pondered taking them to see a show, but they always seem to start too late, or be in a club.
Then I got the Levitt Pavilion Fall schedule. Levitt is an outdoor stage, with grass to dance, sit, eat, drink or lay down and listen on. FREE concerts, with the exception of one fundraising one each year. They have a summer schedule, with concerts Wed - Sun night, Memorial Day weekend through the 4th of July. Wednesday is kids' bands. We've been twice. Once each year since we found out about it. We always talk about going more, but then we have other plans, or we talk ourselves out of it because it would be way past the boys' bedtime, or it's too hot, etc....
Then I found out that their Fall concert opener each year is.....drumroll please.....BRAVE COMBO! When I told Gabriel he was so excited. We've had it marked on the calendar for 2 months.
But then we went to our cars, and realized that Levitt is only about two blocks from Babe's parking lot. You could hear the band start up. I'm not sure what came over me at that point. A wave of selfishness? Prickly Heat? I was a polka-obsessed zombie. How DARE these summer colds get in the way of our fun that we'd had planned for this long? We got in the car, found a closer parking spot, and went on in. My family looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
It was PACKED. We struggled to find a patch of grass big enough for all four of us. It was also HOT. But Jav got snow cones. I tried to get Gabriel to go do the Twist with me, he started panicking on the way down to the dance "green", but I told him no one was watching him. Everyone was having way too much fun. One of the things I love about Levitt shows is the range of people, races, and ages you get. There are grandparents, parents and kids all sitting together enjoying the music. Couples on dates, single people who just walked up with their dogs, UTA college students. It's all very laid back. So Gabriel did the Twist, which I was very proud of him about. When the lead singer announced they were going to do, "Sway, so get ready to Cha-Cha-Cha!", this couple in their 70's got up and walked out to the empty street the city blocks off for Levitt concerts. They proceeded to start dancing, REALLY well, to the point where a crowd gathered. I really wanted to take their picture, but I think that's rude if you don't ask first in that type of situation. It's one of those moments that I'll never forget - ever in my life. They really did set the mood for the whole crowd. We all four went up to watch this Greek wedding dance, which was too wild for us to join in. Then Gabriel and I did The Chicken Dance in a circle with a bunch of strangers, and had a blast. Then we all jitterbugged to Wooly Bully. I actually felt like I was about to have heat stroke at that point, so we rested. We went back up for the Hokey Pokey, then at the very end I tried to show G how to polka right around where we were sitting, because alot of folks had already headed to their cars.
During all of this the boys were looking droopier and droopier. When we got to the car after the show (probably 10:15 or so), it was still 101. Yikes. Gabriel was exhausted but jubilant on the way home. I was so proud of him for getting over that silly shyness and getting out there to dance his patooty off! This show he will remember.
So Gabriel first got worse, and coughed a bunch the next day, but then started to get better. Joel just seemed to have a touch of it and was fine the next day. I, however, started feeling worse and worse as Saturday dragged on. By 3am Sunday morning I almost had Jav drive me to the ER. I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to cough up a lung, but somehow made it through one of the scariest nights I've ever had. I went to Care Now when they opened the next morning, was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, got a steroid shot and immediately started feeling better. When I told my mom the concert story, I beat her to it - "I know, mom, it was idiotic". She replied, as nicely as possible,"Yep, that's what I was thinking." Idiotic, perhaps, but fun. But I won't be going to any more outdoor concerts when it's that stinkin' hot outside.
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