Competitive freakin' adults who don't care a hoot about sportsmanship or their kid actually learning about a sport. They just want to win, win, WIN!!!!!!!!!
There, I said it.
Gabriel was on a baseball team last year we compared at times to The Bad News Bears. And that may or may not have been insulting the Bad News Bears. They were a rag tag bunch of kids. Half of them had never played baseball before. My sainted husband agreed to help out with coaching. The head coach was not much for discipline, especially when it came to the biggest distractor and trouble maker on the team, his own son.
The good news about all of this is that Gabriel got to start on 2nd base every game. He was used to playing outfield every other inning on previous teams. Because Jav had to coach for G, we frequently had to split up and I was left to take Joel to his games. So I was glad when the day came that Joel and I could finally attend one of G's games.
It didn't take long to realize the folks behind us were some of THOSE kind. It was a mom of one player (probably the best on the team) and grandparents of another. Yep we were all rooting for the same team. At first it was grumbly complaining, to warm us up I guess. They then proceeded to loudly gripe about my 2nd baseman, and then my husband, who was assistant coaching first base. We heard that he was doing "Nuthin as usual". So Joel got to hear them talk badly about his brother AND his dad. I turned around and gave them all the Death Stare. I didn't say a word, just stared my Stare of Death until they got really creeped out. I then heard them whispering about who the assistant coach was and who was his kid, obviously and slowly figuring out who we were.
I only made it to parts of 2 other games his whole season, and I sat with the other team's fans (this was Jav's suggestion, both so that I would enjoy the game more and so that he would not have to bail his wife out of jail after the game ended). I still kick myself for not saying something that day. For not standing up for my kid, who learned so much during that game that he got really good at covering all the ground between 1st and 2nd like never before. For not standing up for Jav, who was trying to teach the boys fundamentals when the head coach just wanted them to play scrimmages. For not standing up for youth sports in general, wondering how on earth kids could get enjoyment out of and learn a sport when the adults get cranky and mean when not every team plays like a Select team.
But sometimes, when you speak up, that can be bad too.
This was the 3rd year Joel has played basketball with the Fort Worth youth league. This was an unusual season because the rec center where his team would normally practice was being renovated and was closed. They had to pair up with the Riverside team, and those kids and parents were quite a bit tougher than what we were used to.
We were halfway through the season and Joel's team just couldn't find their way. It was frustrating, but I've learned to not yell more than "hands up!" or "defense, guys!" Sometime I mumble to Jav, "Why isn't Joel getting in that kid's face?!?" But it is only where he can hear it. We were one period into the game and losing already. I noticed an older woman that I had not seen before up and yelling at the boys, and wondered if she was a grandma of one of Joel's teammates. She was getting more brutal with her criticisms as the game went on, and finally took her wrath out on Joel, who had missed shots twice in a row.
I stopped seeing straight I was so mad. I stared my Death Stare (didn't realize this was a thing with me, but apparently it is). She noticed and stared back. I felt compelled to speak since I had not at the baseball game. I said "They are learning." That's all. She asked "What did you say?" in a very combative way. I repeated, "THEY ARE LEARNING" louder, and slower like I was speaking to a child.
"I know they're learning, are you upset because I yelled at your child?" I repeated, "They are learning." She lost it, saying in between F-words that she didn't even know who my child was, she was yelling at everybody. Jav put his hands up and told her to calm down, and we both said something about kids being around, to please stop cursing. She just got more angry, told Jav to stay out of this and kept going, and then this 60-year-old or so woman challenged me to a fight in the parking lot. I said calmly with a look of disbelief on my face, "No, I am not going to fight you", then turned my head toward the game and ignored her. She kept going. Some parents of kids on the other team started motioning for us to move away from her and sit with them so she'd stop. I told them "I will not move". They shrugged and shook their heads like they couldn't reason with either one of us. But Jav thinks she looked really bad to all the parents, if nothing more because of her language. "But where were the refs?" you may be thinking. They were very focused on the game, and it was loud in there, so they either couldn't hear or heard and ignored. I know the people scoring the game heard but they must have been terrified of her.
She finally slowed down. And after mumbling for awhile longer, finally stopped. I did not look her way again.
Gabriel was completely freaked out. He had never heard ANYONE speak like that, let alone speak like that to his mother! He squeaked out, "I don't think you should have said anything Mommy". Well no kidding kid. I was shaking but determined to not let anybody know it.
The crazy part is that she calmed down after that. She yelled, but it was more the same stuff we were all yelling, and more at the team instead of individual players.
We waited a bit in the stands after the game ended. One of the other moms who only speaks Spanish told me "I'm so sorry". I apologized also and tried to explain, but she didn't really understand. When we looked down to where the woman had been sitting, she was gone. We slowly walked out to the parking lot, and even though I was on red alert looking for her I acted very nonchalant. We had brought separate cars and when we figured the coast was clear, Joel and I walked over to where I was parked. I unlocked the car and froze. I heard her, in the car directly parked directly in front of us, giving a play by play of what happened to someone on the phone. But in her story I was the villain, of course. I forced myself to keep getting in the car, calmly put my sunglasses on, and silently prayed she would not hop out of the car with a gun and start shooting at me. (this is Texas folks) She didn't, even though I'm pretty sure she saw me. Maybe the gun thing crossed her mind also. She pulled out of the parking lot, turning the opposite way from the way we go home.
Joel had NO idea anything unusual had happened. He never heard her yelling at him, and never heard her ranting and cussing.
There were two games left in the season after that and I was so freaked out about the event that I didn't go to either. I told Jav to watch his back if she was there and wouldn't even let him take Gabriel to the first game after "the incident". The grandma was at both games, greatly subdued and being a supportive fan like everyone else. She even said hello to my mother-in-law at the last game. Wow.
Our priest Father Eric gave a homily just after this happened about not being quiet when someone is being hurt or bullied, (it was a week or so after the Florida school shooting) and that God wants us to have courage and stand up for those being mistreated. I felt that maybe God was trying to make me feel better about what happened. So back to my original rant. It will take all of us reasonable parents to combat this problem. And yes, REASONABLE is a relative term.
