Cats and birds

A male cardinal on Gabriel's swing.

One of the neatest things I did last year was to add some water dishes for the birds all throughout our yard.  We already had two big birdbaths, but we had a bunch of little birds that couldn't drink out of them.  It has been amazing to see how many more birds we've had in our yard with the addition of these smaller dishes, especially the smallest bowl, which is part of our St. Francis statue (in the background of the above picture).  I've seen big birds like bluejays and cardinals drinking from that tiny bowl, along with wrens and these tiny black and white woodpeckers.  I was out the day after the ice storm chipping away with an ice pick to make sure they had water, and also making sure there was plenty of birdseed in our two feeders.  It's kind of like our birds are an extended pet family.  I don't think people realize when it's been as dry as it has been in Texas, that not only do birds have trouble finding water, but their food sources start to disappear too.  Gabriel's been watching them more and more, and is starting to talk to them.  "Hey Bood!  Der ya are!  Hi bood",etc ... It's pretty cute to watch.

Also, I've decided to try to get my female cat, Zoe, to be an indoor/outdoor cat again.  She went out whenever I was out at the old house, but when we moved here she seemed so happy that we decided not to let her outside.  Now she stands at the back door and watches us when we're all outside with this really sad look on her face.  But I'm not just doing it to make her happier.  I don't want to have to worry anymore about whether or not someone accidentally lets her out.  This has been a tough decision because we really can't afford more yearly shots and heartworm/flea meds every month for another pet.  But if I can train her to only be out while we're out (which I really think she'll be ok with), then I'll probably only add the monthly flea medication and hope that she never gets into a fight with a rabid squirrel.  So she is currently enduring the humiliation of being on a leash until she gets more of her scent around the yard.  But even with the leash she seems to really love being out there so far, chewing on grass, kneading her claws into tree bark, and listening to all those birds.

  

Getting better all the time

Going through the hat drawer.

Gabriel's speech is improving by the hour.  What everyone told me would happen did - once he started, the floodgates opened and words just started pouring out.  But his pronunciation isn't that great.  I'm really the only one who can consistently understand him, and even I need to have help with finger pointing and context sometimes.  For example, this is what it sounds like when he counts to ten:

un

boo

beesh

dooower

bibe

shish

memen

aash

mine

and he hasn't quite got 10 yet other than a mumble.

We are still having biweekly visits with our Early Childhood Intervention representative (LaToya), and my pediatrician's office finally came through for a speech therapist's referral.  We went to the evaluation last week at a Cook's Children's satellite office. Gabriel was in the 3-year-old range for words he recognizes and is almost in the normal "expressive words" range for his age, but the therapist was concerned at the lack of consonants he knows and continually misuses.  She thought he would greatly benefit from three months of once-a-week therapy sessions.  

I really didn't expect this.  I thought he'd come such a long way in such a short time that maybe we dodged having to do any therapy.  But we want whatever is best for him, so we agreed to be put on the 2-3 MONTH waiting list.  In the meantime, I called LaToya to see if there was any way he could be evaluated by one of their speech therapists.  She had been running into bureaucratic walls in getting someone to see us, but made a bunch of phone calls and we now have an evaluation scheduled for Wednesday afternoon.  This really isn't the best time for it since he will have been at Mother's Day Out all day and will be tired, but I had to take what I could get to get this show on the road.  So I will have to decide between waiting for the Cook's therapy (which is reputed to be extremely good), and the ECI therapy, which I'm just not sure about but at least he'd get it when he seems to really need it.  

Parenting is all about making tenuous decisions that could forever affect your child's life down the road.  That's why I think people should have to take some sort of test to even begin the journey.

Proof that I'm officially old

When my sister-in-law told me that my brother was headed to the AC/DC concert at American Airlines Center Friday night, my first thought was, "I hope he's taking along earplugs."

Sigh.

Exercise - the new dirty word

I used to be in such good shape.  At one point in my life (probably 7 or 8 years ago), I was running, light weight-training, and doing yoga and kickboxing on a regular basis.  Back when I had a little thing called time.  And when I didn't have a little thing called Gabriel.  

I had to stop running right around the time I met Jav because I was starting to have really bad hip problems, mostly while I tried to sleep.  Then when we started trying to have a baby I dropped almost everything else thinking it may have been too strenuous (I kept up the yoga, but really toned it down).  So when I got pregnant, I was down to walking and light yoga.  I didn't do either of those until my last trimester.  I started walking the dogs again when Gabriel was three months old or so, and God did it feel good to move again.  

Since then, I have maintained a pretty good walking schedule, 3-4 times a week, and try to do yoga when I have time, which is very rare.  But walking really doesn't do anything for me anymore.  I think I've reached what they call a "plateau".  So, compared to how I used to feel, I now feel pretty flabby and lumpy.  I REALLY want to get back into shape, especially since we've decided to stop trying to have babies.  But once you get out of the habit and lose that discipline, it seems almost impossible to get it back.  

The only thing I can do early before Gabriel wakes up is yoga (probably because I don't have to change clothes; those Hindus thinking up an exercise you can do in your pajamas seem pretty genius to me.)   I keep trying to sneak in some weight training or crunches for my oh-so-sad belly, but I'm not consistent so it does no good.  I can't take a class or join the gym because a) we don't really have the money, and b) I've never really liked working out in front of others.  A former classmate on Facebook suggested Fit TV, since it's on 24/7 and you can DVR the shows you like and do them anytime.  A pretty good suggestion except that we have our DVR in our bedroom where there is absolutely no room to move around.  

But even as I type they all seem like pretty shabby excuses.  Here's the worst one:  I think I have one of those all or nothing personality types.  I either want to work out all the time, or never.  Right now never is winning.

Timely

We just finished watching "The Great Debaters" last night, based on the true story of tiny Wiley College, an all-black school in Marshall, TX.  Denzel Washington plays Melvin Tolson, professor, secret Union organizer and later poet who started the college's first debate team.  They go undefeated and become the first black team to ever debate a white team in the country, then later face the national champions at Harvard University.  There are some really potent scenes about what it was like to be African-American living in the South back then.  In one scene, the president of the college, Dr. James Farmer, Sr. has to bow down and apologize to some white poor farmers (who are completely uneducated) for running over their pig.  In another scene the team gets lost on a Texas back road and drives up on a just-completed lynching, with the corpse still smoldering from it's post high above everyone's head.  They barely escape when the group spots them, and the event changes everyone in the car forever.  

To go from this movie to today, when our country had its first African-American President sworn in, has been a very moving experience.  I've been carrying the weight of how monumental this is all day, but it feels good.   President Obama may not have been the most experienced person for the job, but I think he is smart enough to surround himself with experienced people in areas where he may be lacking.  I think I'm joining many people today in feeling much less jaded about politics than I have in a long time.  I actually feel like a miracle has occurred, and I played a very small part in making it happen.  I feel proud that this man got elected to lead us, and happy that people in nations all over the world are expectant about what kind of a difference this new leadership will bring to the world.  But I feel hope more than anything.  Hope for my son's future, my nation's future and our planet's future.  And it feels good.

Kid's music - not so bad after all

It took me a long time to decide to get some kid's music for Gabriel in the car.  I thought I'd get by just letting him listen to my music.  But the response from him once It's classic kid's songs rearranged and played by a guy named Jon Herchert and his band.  It took about 3 times through before Gabriel started to clap everytime the first song started.  Now he can sing along with most of the songs it, and it got us through some serious road trip boredom.  

Then I got a Sesame Street Classics CD, with favorites like Rubber Ducky and It's Not Easy Being Green. This one's cool because I listened to some of these songs when I loved Sesame Street as a kid.  But his favorite on this one is Elmo's Song.  He sings along with Elmo and Big Bird as they do their verses, then drops his voice down really low to sing with Snuffy.  It cracks me up every time.  

Then I got my personal favorite (I think from a recommendation from another parent, although I don't remember who), They Might Be Giants, Here Come the 1,2,3's (which according to the website has been nominated for a Grammy - yay!)  I absolutely love almost every song on this CD.  Some of them not even as kid's music, just as great songs.  I liked them ok in the 90's, but now am really curious to hear more from them.  There's also an A,B,C disc that I'm sure we'll get eventually.   I think this one's really for older kids than Gabriel, but he seems to be getting the concept of all the numbers, and REALLY gets into the music.  I've got him playing the drums on his bigger books right along with the songs, and he really knows when to come in and play faster or slower.  I know it helps that I really like the songs and get into them, even though now that he is two he gets angry with me for singing sometimes.  

For Christmas Gabriel got a Laurie Berkner Band CD.  He would see her on Noggin and seemed to really like the songs every time.  And they are also really good, memorable and melodic songs.  He's slowly warming up to this one, but I'm sure he'll grow to love it as much as the others after a few weeks of hearing it.  I find myself humming the few songs we've already checked out all throughout the day. 

So I guess I was completely wrong about my theory.  Kid music rocks! 

Movie watching is a sport

I love to watch movies, and lately we seem to have caught a bunch.  We watched quite a few on our trip to Pennsylvania, but the only one I liked was Volver, a Pedro Almodovar movie that we only caught the first half of.  The DVR didn't pick up the rest because they had it set up to record several other things.  I've GOT to find out what happens in the rest of it!  The worst movie was The Happening, an M. Night Shyamalan movie that started out with such an interesting plot and ended in a ridiculous shambles.  We were all so disappointed I don't think I'll ever watch one of his movies again, although we were all still talking about it the next day to tell how we would've ended it better.  Maybe that was his goal.  

I've been on a real old movie streak since Thanksgiving.  I'll check to see what's on Turner Movie Classics, and get hooked and watch the rest of whatever it is.  I found a great movie one night with Alec Guinness called The Captain's Paradise, in which he played a sea captain who had two different wives in the two ports he sailed back and forth to.  Also lately Jav and I have been catching David Lynch movies on IFC (I'm guessing he's one of the featured artists this month).  They're interesting enough to keep me curious, but in the end I don't know that I'm better off for watching such disturbing movies.  I'm hooked on a series on TMC called Elvis Mitchell, Under the Influence.  He is now a high-tone movie critic, but once was the critic for the little ole Star Telegram.  He basically sits with different actors for an hour discussing what movies and actors they were influenced by and how it's affected his or her career.  So far not one has been a disappointment, with some true surprises.  You could have knocked me over with a feather when Quentin Tarantino said one of his favorite movies is Meet Me in St. Louis with Judy Garland (one of his greatest influences was the director, Vincent Minelli), and that he likes to show His Girl Friday with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell to the young actors he's working with as an example of what great dialogue sounds like.  This made me like him much more as a person, but I doubt I'll be running out to see any of his movies soon.  

Jav and I had a great date night this past Saturday night and went to see Valkyrie (not a typical date movie, but it's the one we both wanted to see).  It was excellent.  I didn't know the story, so it was very suspenseful.  Plus all the actors are wonderful. 

Which leads me to another topic.  There are certain actors who just make movies better by being in them.  I've had this list going for awhile.  The newest addition is Tom Wilkinson, who blew me away in Michael Clayton and was great also in Valkyrie.  The others on my list are Judi Dench, Chris Cooper, Gary Oldman, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Laura Linney,  Robert Downey Jr., Javier Bardem and Maggie Gyllenhaal.  These are all people whose movies I won't miss, even if they just have a small part.    

Trying to heal

I've been in an organizing mood.  Not grand projects that anyone would notice, but little pockets of disorder that exist all over the house and drive me crazy.  Yesterday I was so proud of myself for finally organizing our first aid and medicine cabinet.  So this morning while Gabriel was playing I made myself clean out some of his old toys that he never touches anymore.  This was such a hard thing to do, not just because it reminded me of Gabriel as a baby and made me realize how fast he has grown up, but because I probably don't need to save them for the second one now.  

My pain has stopped being constant, as it was in the weeks following our loss.  But it still creeps up on me.   The absolute worse place for me to have to go these days is the pediatrician's office.  It seems like every other chair is filled with Moms with toddlers and a newborn sibling.  I want so badly to be one of them, and don't like myself very much for being so envious.  But I still can't help it.  I'm very hopeful that we will have a happy family if we go on just the way we are right now.  But I find myself thinking of Gabriel years from now, when we are gone.  Won't it be sad and lonely for him to not have a sibling to lean on, as Jav and I both do?  When we told our story to our dear friends in Pennsylvania, Barb (who is an only child), told us that her biggest fear once she became an adult was being alone one day.  She said that's why she wanted to have kids so badly (they have three).  But what if Gabriel has trouble having children, as we have had?  There's no way to know what's going to happen that far down the road, and it's silly to worry about it, but those are the kinds of things that flit through my mind as I go about my day.  

It's time for me to work on some things now.  Time to try and tame the green-eyed monster and stop comparing my life to everyone else's.  I've only had this vision of having two kids for a few years, but it's time to shape a new one based on what I have (which is an awful lot), and not what I don't have.  Gabriel is changing so fast.  He's talking now, and sometimes babbles on for minutes before I figure out what he's talking about.  His desire to be independent is growing, and he throws mini-tantrums when you make him do something he doesn't want to do.  Sometimes he gets so frustrated with us that he just holds his fists out, grits his teeth and shakes all over.  Then we all start laughing.  His growing up is so much fun to be a part of, and it absolutely should be enough to fill up our lives.  

Best and Worst movies of my year

The year end is a time for lists, so I've decided to do my own year-end lists, even though they're coming a little late due to our trip and getting sick.  Up first is movies, based on what we watched during the last calendar year.  It doesn't matter when it came out, so it can be old or new to make my list.  That way when I'm really old and looking back on this blog, maybe I'll re-watch them and see how my perception of them has changed.  One of the good things about getting older is that a movie can seem completely different 5 or 10 years down the road, based on how you have changed.  

First I'll include Jav's best list, just so we'll remember one day.  If he wants to review them further, he can start his own blog.

5.  Ironman

4.  Almost Famous

3.  Into the Wild

2.  The Dark Knight

1.  No Country for Old Men

Now let's move to my Worst of the Year:  (or at least the most painful to watch)  

3.  No Reservations.  Just not a very good movie.  Nobody in it acted very well except for Abigail Breslin, and they didn't give her much to work with.  The only interesting thing about it was to see how grueling the life of a chef can be.  

2.  August Rush.  This time, a bunch of overacting (especially by veteran actor Robin Williams - ugh), a terrible script and the ruining of what could have been a neat idea for a movie.  But in this one even the kid overacted.   A bunch of sentimental hooey. 

3.  Before the Devil Knows You're Dead.  This one actually had great acting (with two of the best actors out there - Philip Seymour Hoffman and Albert Finney), and I guess was a good story about a heist-gone-completely-wrong.  But it was so sad that we almost didn't make it through.  SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen this and want to, then don't keep reading.  The plot starts innocently enough.  Two brothers work out a plan to rob a jewelry store.   One brother has gone through a bitter divorce and thinks he needs money to keep his daughter happy, and the other one has a BAD drug addiction, thinks he needs money to keep his wife happy AND has been embezzling funds from the company he works for.  The problem is that the jewelry store they plan to rob is owned by their parents.  The "strong" brother orders the "weaker" brother to plan the whole thing, and he botches it.  There were supposed to be no guns and no one getting hurt, but their mother ends up getting shot and later dies in the hospital.  AND it goes downhill even from there.  I thought we were going to need therapy after we finally dragged ourselves up off the couch when it was over.  Maybe it's not fair to put this on a worse movies list, but it's my list.

And now moving onto happier topics - the Best winners:

5.  Almost Famous.  Here's a fine example of viewing a movie 5 years later and liking it so much better than the first time I watched it.  Funny, poignant, great music and acting.  And one of the funnies scenes ever during the almost plane crash.

4.  Once.  All the hype about how wonderful this movie is made me not want to watch it, a strange trait I have developed over the years.  But it is exactly that - wonderful.  The story, the way it's filmed, and especially the music.  That Glen Hansard has talent dripping off his fingertips.  Marketa Irglova is great too, the movie wouldn't have been as special without her, but it was him who left me wanting to hear more.  And so refreshing to have the ending be not what I was expecting.  

3.  Michael Clayton.  Tom Wilkinson just about steals the movie, but everybody in it is terrific.  I love cerebral films where you have to pay such close attention it almost makes your head hurt.  There were several spots we had to rewind to make sure we caught everything.  It's also one of those films that doesn't make sense at the beginning at all, but as it's going on, it starts to make more and more sense and you realize what a gem you are watching.  People had warned me that it was slow, but I found it extremely suspenseful, even though you sort of know what's going to happen.  And I like the message.  Big giant evil corporations can be exposed for what they are if the right hero sniffs them out.  

2.  Into the Wild.  There's so many working parts to this movie that make it good.  The story is true, which I always find intriguing.  The acting is superb, with standout performances by Hal Holbrook and Catherine Keener.  The music soundtrack by Eddie Vedder profoundly adds to the movie.  But it's the ideal that Chris McCandless was trying to live by that feels very close to my heart, so I could really empathize with his character.  Humanity has gone full circle.  We started as cave people living off the land, then slowly moved into the Industrial Age, reaping all the supposed benefits, and now we are slowly moving back to simpler times.  But we are so pampered and conditioned from the modern-day conveniences we've enjoyed for so long, it's much, much harder than it may first appear to throw away all of our material possessions and go back to our roots.  That idea, and the music, are what made this my almost favorite move of last year.  I guess Sean Penn deserves much of the credit for transforming Jon Krakauer's book to the screen in a way that touched me.  I love it when movies surprise me, and this one did.  I figured Jav would really like it, and I was just along for the ride.  But I find myself (now months later-we watched it in June) still thinking about this movie and what a powerful effect it has had on me.  

1.  Witness for the Prosecution.  When I started compiling my list about a month ago I had Into the Wild as my numero uno.  But I after I watched this in December (for the second time) I knew I had a new winner.  I think it's been around 10 years since my first viewing and I remembered really liking it back then.  But this time it had me riveted to the screen like no other movie I watched last year. In this 1957 Billy Wilder-directed gem Charles Laughton plays an aged and unhealthy barrister on the verge of retirement, when he decides to defend one last case.  Tyrone Power has been accused of murder, and to make things worse, his wife (played by Marlene Dietrich), has decided to testify against him.  This is truly one of the best courtroom dramas ever, with lots of twists and turns in the plot and a huge twisted ending that I had forgotten from my first viewing.  The wonderfully engaging Elsa Lanchester is thrown in for comic relief (and was the actual wife of Laughton), but it is Laughton who steals this show and makes it so enjoyable.  How can you go wrong when you take an Agatha Christie play and adapt it into a movie?  

So there's the first of my 2008 year-end lists.