Christmas 2007

There were so many special moments this year.

First off, we were so thankful that our friend Keith came out of his back surgery alright. The surgery was nine hours long, and he didn't have feeling in his arms for about 24 hours afterwards, but everything is progressing normally now and he got to go home late Christmas Eve.

Friday night downtown with Philip and April was just so much fun. I've decided Fort Worth is very pretty when she's all decked out for the holidays. We ate dinner at Cantina Larado (EXCELLENT food), then arrived at Bass Hall just in time for A Christmas Carol, the Musical. It was great--very funny in parts, poignant in others, rousing musical numbers, and at the end there was snow coming down from the rafters of Bass Hall everywhere. (Luckily we were underneath a balcony and didn't walk out looking like we had giant dandruff flakes all over us). But the funnest part was being with Philip and April, and laughing and having such a great time. I hope we can continue to find things to do with them, separate from our family get-togethers.

Sunday, my mom and I drove to Fredericksburg and back in one day to pick up my Uncle Dave. It really didn't seem so bad. We had alot of Christmas music, crossword puzzles and some fierce games of 20 Questions that helped to make the time go by.

On Monday, we attended St. Rita's Christmas Eve 5:00 pm Mass, which is specifically for the kids, and is always so special because all the children are turned out in their finest Christmas outfits. They always have a Nativity Pageant, and lots of Carol singing. Gabriel lived up to his nickname, El Torito (the little bull), and I had to leave with him once. But Jav's Mom and sister helped me out with him. The funniest thing that ALMOST happened was that he almost turned out the lights in the sanctuary while Father Flores was giving the homily. Good Lord, we would've had to change parishes! And maybe even our names, Jav joked.

On to Christmas Eve dinner at Jav's parents with Sandra. This year we had tamales, which were delicious, especially with Tita's homemade guacamole and tortillas. My mouth is watering again just thinking about it. Unfortunately Gabriel was having a picky eating day and barely touched any of it, but didn't seem too concerned. We opened presents, with one of us on full alert chasing Gabriel around the house. The most memorable moment came when Tita showed me what she had been working on with Gabriel - he goes up to the large baby Jesus under her tree and gives him a kiss. For El Torito, this was an extremely gentle moment and pretty much brought me to tears. Once we got home, Jav and I stayed up watching the original version of A Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen. Jav had never seen any movie version of it. It was perfect because it ended right at midnight and left us feeling all Christmasy inside just before we passed out.

Christmas Day started with our little family opening the gifts Santa left. My husband gave me the dearest gift any one's ever given me - a photo album of our pets, with Stanley and Fred's picture on the first page as a memorial to the two of them. He truly is the most thoughtful person on the planet, and I am the luckiest person in the world to have him. Gabriel seemed really excited about his sandbox (although it had no sand yet), and we video taped him climbing in and out of it about 10 times. He also seemed excited about the gift from his Godparents, Keith and Christine, a miniature motorcycle, or at least he seemed to want to play with the boy in the picture on the box proudly riding it. Jav will have to put it together, hopefully sometime before he's too big to ride it.

On a sad note, Jav's sister Sandra lost her boxer, Reyna (Spanish for "queen"). She was 10, and had been battling a disease that had to do with her pituitary gland, but had been doing pretty well for the last 6 months with different medications. She woke up really sick and died at home with Sandra and her parents during the early afternoon. Sandra's doggies are her babies, and I really feel for her. It's tough to lose one anytime, but Christmas Day just seems so much harder of a day to deal with a tragedy. Luckily she still has her sweet pug, Bo, so they can lean on each other to get through this.

We headed for Philip and April's in Weatherford to spend Christmas evening with the two of them, Macy and Cade, and my Mom and Dad. We had an amazing dinner of prime rib, our traditional German dish of potatoes and bacon, cranberry salad, green bean casserole, hot bread, and a not-very-pretty but delicious chocolate-raspberry cheesecake that April made. Then we started a new tradition. Philip played the guitar and we all sang carols. It was a good mix of secular and religious, and half of them were for the kids to sing along with too. I have a great memory of holding Macy in my lap with my other arm around Cade singing "Santa Claus is coming to town" at the top of our lungs. Gabriel, being still too little to understand all of this, just wandered around with various toys. But he did seem very much fascinated by Uncle Philip playing the guitar. He stops to strum mine around 20 times a day at home, which has prompted me to try and remember anything I learned during my six months of lessons. I hope we'll do the carols every year. It helps to get some of the focus off opening presents and reminds us of what this holiday is all about after all.

But, of course, we then all opened gifts, which always leads to such excitement and laughter. My Dad surprised my Mom with a beautiful painting she had wanted from Bombay company. The kids, though, were the main focus of everything. Gabriel was such a trooper. He had to be totally exhausted, but never cried or fussed at all. He just started laying his head down on the carpet here and there, because, after all, it gets tiring carrying that big ole thing around all the time. And he showed off his newest, funniest trick of walking backwards over great distances without running into things. We're not exactly sure how he does it, but we think Henry had a hand in teaching him. We all went to bed that night with the satisfying feeling of full bellies, heads a little giddy from laughing so much, hearts full of love for our families and thankfulness to God for all that we have in our lives.

All in all, it really was a great Christmas.

This Christmas seems different

Every year I vow that THIS year I am not going to get stressed out about gift buying, gift wrapping and Christmas card mailing like I have every Christmas since I've been an adult. And every year I always end up very stressed out and tired, and wondering what happened to the joyful Christmas feeling I used to get as a kid. Before I had all of these other things to think about. Christmas seems to come and go and I don't feel like I ever got to enjoy any of it.

But this year I am feeling so very different about everything. I will admit that maybe this newer, more laid back me could have alot to do with not having a regular job anymore. But I think my energy level is challenged more by newly-walking Gabriel than it ever was at work. I think the real reasons behind it are deeper.

The first thing that's different about this year is money. And how we had less to spend on gifts. So for the first time in my life, I have stuck to our Christmas budget. (Keep in mind that although Jav had a hand in deciding what we were going to get people, I did all the shopping this year - hence the "I", instead of the "we").

And since we're on the subject, we have been very careful about what we're getting people this year. I didn't want to rush out and buy a bunch of Chinese-made lead-filled toys for the kids I'm buying for. I've given careful thought about where my gifts are coming from and how they will be used. I did have a weak moment at Toys R Us while looking for a sandbox for Gabriel and ended up buying my nephew a Spider-Man toy that is made in China and that he will absolutely love.

But I think because we've had a really rough month with battling illnesses, losing Fred, a car wreck (Jav was ok, thank God, but the car's pretty banged up), and our friend Keith having an 8-hour surgery tomorrow on his spine, I'm seeing everything with a different perspective. The rushing around and getting things done is still important, but I'm so aware of why I'm doing these things. I'm doing them for people that I love, that I am so thankful to have in my life. It doesn't seem like a chore this year.

I got all of my Christmas cards mailed Tuesday and just smiled thinking about the fun we had trying to take a dang picture, and what we ended up sending instead. I finished wrapping everything yesterday, and marveled at how easy it seemed and was glad I could spend the rest of the afternoon walking Molly and playing with Gabriel outside.

I've been on several shopping expeditions with my Mom, and have enjoyed every one of them. Even though we had to battle some long lines and shortages of parking spaces, it never seemed stressful. We've truly had fun, talking so much we would forget where we were headed in the car, or what we were looking for amidst the crowds in the stores.

Tomorrow night we are going to see the musical version of "A Christmas Carol" at Bass Hall with my brother and his wife. I am so excited about this. I get to get dressed up and go downtown. I get to see the huge Christmas tree in Sundance Square. I get to see Bass Hall all gussied up for the holidays, which is always beautiful. I get to see one of my favorite stories of all time come to life in a new way. But I'm the most excited about doing something special with Philip and April, which we have really never done before. When I hung up the phone after they invited us to go with them (April won the tickets at work), I had that feeling again, of being a kid, and being filled with so much wonderful anticipation and love.

Attempting to take a Christmas photo

The one we thought would turn out the best, but it was horribly blurry.

This one we even got Henry in, but he's about to claw off Jav's leg. We really wanted to get all the pets, but discovered that it is impossible. And blurry. What's the deal?

Here's the happy photographer and one subject while everyone was still in a semi-good mood.

We might have used this one if not for the chair behind Jav's head making him look sort of Frankenstein-ish. And it's blurry. You can tell Gabriel is already losing patience by now.

We thought about using this. It was the best picture anyone took all day. Zoe always photographs well.

This is poor Molly after about the 10th try.

The last attempt - Gabriel is so fussy and sleepy by now, Molly looks like she's taking a bite out of my arm (can you blame her at this point?), and, once again, it's blurry.

We discovered afterwards that the camera had lost all of it's settings when Jav replaced the battery the day before. But by then we were all just too tired and cranky to try anymore. I'm going to try to get a good one of Gabriel today. If not, our Christmas cards may be pictureless this year. Moral of the story: Get started earlier than the week before Christmas next year.

A couple of music notes

Jav and I are addicted to America's Next Greatest Band on Fox. It's a guilty pleasure, of course, but we've been surprised just how good the bands that have been competing are. Jav's favorite is a really good Eagles-type rock/country band called Sixwire, made up of 40-ish good looking guys (which is not the reason Jav likes them). My original favorite was a band of gangly 20-somethings whose specialty was Beatles-type British pop called Tres Bien. They were eliminated two weeks ago, so I had to choose a new favorite. I am now pulling for The Clark Brothers, three actual brothers who grew up on the road along with their 8 other siblings while their evangelical preacher father moved from revival tent to revival tent. I guess their main label would be bluegrassy gospel, but they play and sing with such fire and such soul that you really can't help but feel something rise up within you when they play. Both bands have made it to the finals, which are next Friday night, along with another really good HUGE big band, with horns and everything, called Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I really hope they do well after this contest is over, because they seem like such nice guys, and because they played a smokin' version of September by Earth Wind and Fire last night, which just happens to be Jav's and my song. But my money and my heart go with The Clark Brothers.

Another show I've been DVR-ing is Crossroads on Country Music Television. This is a show where two artists, usually from different genres and always fans of each others' music pair up for an hour of talking and performing. It's always a good show, but last night we finally watched the best one we've seen yet - Bonnie Raitt and Lyle Lovett. It was true magic. The stories behind their songs were very poignant. Lyle Lovett seems like such a nice guy, and there's something so real about his music and his voice. And Bonnie Raitt's voice just gets more syrupy and perfect with age. Her guitar playing isn't too shabby either. I'll always regret that I missed her show at Bass Hall, but maybe someday she'll come back. I hope to be there if she does.

My 200th post

Ever since I started categorizing my posts, I've been subtracting my pictures to keep track of my actual word postings so that I'd know when I hit this milestone.

I wasn't sure what to write about for such a monumental occasion, and I was going to do a sort of a Christmas letter and sum up the past year. But the circumstances of the last 24 hours have led me to want to write something alot more personal and spiritual.

Do you believe in ghosts? Or Heaven? Or at least that our loved ones who proceed onto the next plane before us are still around? What about reincarnation? I would have said no way to these questions years ago. But now I must admit that I sure do like the idea of it, and this may have something to do with getting older. But the first time I considered reincarnation was just after my maternal grandfather died. I had never lost anyone close to me before, (other than my paternal grandfather who died of a heart attack when I was 7). Ever since then, no family, no friends, no pets. I was walking Stanley around the apartment complex I was living in, and this blue jay kept showing up every time we took our walk. I got it in my head that it was Bapaw, coming back as a bird he always complained about, which I thought was kind of funny and ironic. But no matter how crazy it sounds, the idea made me feel so much better and really helped to ease the pain.

The event that really made me start wondering, though, was our wedding. When we started to take pictures, this little stray cat appeared out of nowhere and seemed to want to be in the group pictures. She actually made it into a couple. Then even stranger, when Jav and I were having some taken of just us, the little cat kept wanting to crawl in my lap. Several people afterwards told me they believed that cat was my maternal grandmother, which almost made me fall over because that's what I had been thinking that whole evening. Mamaw would have had to find a way to be at my wedding - she wouldn't have missed it for the world.

And finally, after Gabriel was born, we noticed him doing a strange thing every now and then while lying on his changing table, sometimes crying (he couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 months old or so). He would stare at the ceiling and start to smile. There were no shadows, or ceiling fan, or any movement that Jav or I could see. But he seemed to be really watching something or someone. I liked the idea that maybe that was one or some of his great-grandparents, stopping by to smile down at him. He still does this every once in awhile, and he will go from an all out scream to very quiet and still, then to a smile. And just last week, he was in his high chair and looked down just like one of the pets had come into the room, held up some food, and started his dog talk. But I didn't see anyone. Maybe Stanley dropped in for a quick hello.

I know all of these ideas are probably just things to comfort me and make me miss people or pets just a little less.

So last night, when we knew that Fred had stopped eating for a day again, and seemed to have a fever, I had to rely on all of these things to come to terms with realizing he was too sick to go on. I believe in the power of prayer, but don't normally pray for specific things for myself. However last night I prayed for some kind of miracle to help Fred. But, sadly, he still couldn't eat this morning. We took him in, and the vet listened and understood. He can never make that decision for a pet owner, I guess, but I got the feeling he knew I was making the right decision. When Fred left our world in my arms, all I could do is hope and pray with every fiber of my being that he's now somewhere where he's happy and his mouth doesn't hurt, and he can grow big and strong, and be outside and climb trees and hunt bugs. I hope this very moment he's doing all the things he couldn't do during his short five years in our world. And I hope I meet up with him again to look into those blue-green eyes and scratch that sweet little face. Maybe he can even take a nap with me curled up on my chest. Somehow, someway, I have to believe.

Farewell little Fred

Freidrich von Fluffball, a.k.a. Fredley, a.k.a. The Grey Ghost, a.k.a. Frederico, a.k.a. Little Bitty
May 2002 - December 2007

Tipping is not just for cows anymore

Every time (and we're talking about once a month, if that) I go through a Starbucks drive-through and see that tip jar, I get SO mad. What exactly are they doing that makes them think they deserve a tip on TOP of the outrageous prices they charge for grinding and whipping up a couple of beans? And why don't I see a tip jar at other drive-throughs? I get so mad that I almost make it past my nervousness that they might spit in my tall Chai before handing it over. But even that doesn't manipulate me into leaving a tip.

The daily grind

Lately I am getting very burned out trying to figure out what to have for dinner every night. I love to cook, although my desire to spend a long time in the kitchen preparing anything is gone now that I am using up my energy chasing a toddler around. I try to spend around 30 minutes tops during the week, then one night out on Saturday, then a little more involved or special meal on Sunday.

But trying to eat healthy on a budget is taking it's toll on me. Sometimes I just stare into space when I'm supposed to be thinking of menus the night before my big grocery trip. I have a sectioned notebook where I try to jot down any recipe or meal combination that we like. And I have a great Betty Crocker quick meals cookbook, and a huge recipe binder filled with ones I've either tried and liked or would like to try someday. The last few months though, I don't even want to flip through them.

One thing I've gotten better about, though, is looking through my pantry, fridge and freezer before making my list to take full advantage of eating up stuff we already have. I've noticed a HUGE difference in the amount of food that gets thrown away. I've also done better about planning multiple meals using an ingredient if a recipe only calls for a small amount of it, like a jar of roasted red peppers or Kalamata olives, or a bag of spinach.

Last night we had a Cafe Madrid at home night. I attempted for the first time to make a Spanish omelet. I overcooked my potatoes (they were more like potato chips when I got through with them), so the result wasn't anything like the wonderful fluffy omelet from the restaurant. But I nailed the red peppers, goat cheese and capers, which almost made up for the crunchy omelet. Next time, along with knowing I need to cook my potatoes less than the recipe suggests, I also hope to find some white asparagus or saute some spinach. Or maybe we'll just head to Dallas for the real thing!

On a side note, Gabriel's appetite has become almost as unenthusiastic as my desire to plan menus. He just picks at his food, or plays with it. He's eating less than half what he used to, which I guess I'm glad to see. If he had kept going at the pace he's had up to this point, we would've had to start him on the South Beach Diet.

Little Fred

We are having trouble with Fred's gums again. I was confused after he got some of his teeth pulled, thinking this problem was solved for good. But just after our Padre trip he started eating less and acting really skittish again, and sure enough the vet said his gums looked awful and he needed a steroid shot. Jav and I decided we'd start taking him again every 6 weeks to get a shot. His gums must hurt him really badly, because he stops taking care of himself - no grooming or anything.

Well, he didn't even make it a whole month. The week before last he just stopped eating. It was too painful. He didn't even try a couple of times, and I knew it was really bad this time. I took him in and he had a low-grade fever along with awful looking gums. I asked the vet (a wonderful man named Dr. Robert Norris-we've practically become family because I'm in there so much), what kind of damage the steroid shots could possibly do, especially having them so often. He said eventually Fred could develop liver and heart problems because of them. Sigh. So then I asked about whether pulling out all of his teeth would be psychologically hard, and he told me that because the gums are still really red even where his other teeth were pulled that pulling out all of his teeth wouldn't really make any difference. Sigh. Sigh. (with a few tears at this point). So Fred is pretty much screwed, I asked (not in those words). Yes, there's really no other treatment possibilities for him. More tears. Plus I was supposed to try and give him antibiotics to get his fever down. Good luck with all that!

The next day was Sunday, and I tried to crush the pill and mix it into Fred's food. He took two bites and walked away. I tried a couple of hours later to just poke it in his mouth and rub his throat so he'd swallow it. I thought this worked, but then Molly walked in the room and ate something that must have been the pill. And Fred was terrified and hiding under the bed. At this point I was so despondent I became hard to live with. My Mom helped me by suggesting that I forget about the pill for now and just make sure he starts eating again, and maybe nature will take care of itself and his fever will go down. I calmed down and Fred ate and ate.

Monday I was able to cut the pill in half and sneak it into two servings of Fred's food. And that worked all week long. He's had a great week. We've seen more of him than usual, and he's been playful. His coat looks wonderful too. I have to just take it a day at a time, and be glad that he's feeling good right now.

What's up with the weather

Gabriel and I just spent an hour outside, in our shorts, playing in 80 degree weather in December. Weird. But nice to be able to go outside and play!