Well, Bust my Buttons!

We watched The Wizard of Oz with Gabriel for the first time about a month ago, and I didn't expect him to watch very much of it.  He surprised us by sitting through the entire movie, and asking afterwards one of his favorite questions, "Dude it again?"  He just loved it, and never was afraid of anything (that might come a few years down the road).  

I remembered how much I loved the movie as a kid, but some of it really frightened me (especially the first time they all meet the Wizard, and the part when the witch takes Toto from Dorothy).  I also remember that I only got to watch it once a year, because that's the only time it showed on network TV.  I'm the first to celebrate the person who invented the DVR, because otherwise I'd be stuck watching what's on every night from 9:3o to 11:00 pm, the only time I get to watch TV.  But it does sort of take away the specialness of only getting to watch something once or twice a year.  So I'm trying to at least limit him to about once a month.  

But it's fun to see him get excited about something I loved too.  In fact, besides seeing your kids get excited about learning something new or being proud of themselves, the best part about being a parent is sharing nostalgic things with them.   Gabriel's favorite phrase to show off right now is the title of this post, uttered by the frazzled Gatekeeper of the Emerald City when he sees the ruby slippers on Dorothy's feet.  He says it perfectly, and it cracks me up every time.

Movie review - Frida

I finally got Jav to watch the movie Frida with me last week.  He doesn't really like Salma Hayek (I know, does he have a pulse?), so was very hesitant to watch it.  But I kept pushing and telling him that Albert Molina, who portrays Diego Rivera in the movie, really should have shared top billing with her.  He ended up really liking it (which I knew he would).  

Julie Taymor directed the movie.  I had seen pictures, moving and stills, of her work on the staged version of The Lion King, and thought her work was pretty amazing.  Then I watched Titus, an adaptation of the Shakespeare play with Anthony Hopkins, which she directed.  It was an extremely bloody movie, but the look of it was so cool I couldn't stop watching.  So when I heard she was directing the story of tortured artist Frida Kahlo, I was roped in from the beginning.  I love movies about tortured artists.  

This movie has it all.  The acting from both leads is top-notch.  You feel like you are really watching these two artists and what they went through and totally forget you are watching a movie, which means terrific acting in my book.  Hayek was nominated for best actress but did not win.  Molina was not nominated at all, which is a true crime.  I can't put into words how good his performance is.  If you liked him in Chocolate, with his understated performance of a passionate man trying to quell his passions because of what people might think, you will be shocked by this completely opposite performance.  Diego Rivera was a man who didn't quell anything he felt or wanted to say!  And Molina makes not just his lustiness for women, but his strong political views and artistic perspective seem larger than life.

The movie also has a great supporting cast, including Edward Norton, Ashley Judd and Geoffrey Rush in a scene-stealing performance as Leon Trotsky.  The music throughout the movie is also wonderful, especially the tango between Kahlo and Ashley Judd's character, Italian-born photographer and political activist Tina Modotti.  The original score and the makeup won Oscars.  I also love the symbolism throughout the movie and the scenes showing the viewer how certain moments in Kahlo's life led directly to her art.  You will be looking at a still painting and all of  a sudden it comes to life on the screen.  Very, very cool.  

Size is relative

I'm thinking this baby is going to be a whopper.  

I feel like I'm already as big as I was towards the end with Gabriel, and I have four months to go!  And I feel like I'm going to pop.  All the time.  The things is, I'm eating healthier with this one than I did with Gabriel, and I'm exercising much more.  But the weight keeps coming (along with the need for bigger and bigger clothes).  I didn't know underwear sizes went up that high!  My first priority was to get some more comfortable fitting clothes to see if that helps the tightness at all.  And my second strategy is to try really, really hard to eat smaller meals.  Sometimes I do pretty good, but sometimes (like today at lunch) I blow that one.  

I figured out one of the reasons I'm so much more tired this time is not only because I'm bigger, but because with Gabriel I had a desk job where I put my feet up for most of the day.  I try to sit here and there at home, but it's impossible chasing after Gabriel.  I've almost given up playing with him in his room because it involves sitting on the floor and getting up again probably 10 times every 15 minutes.   He's starting to think I'm the most un-fun Mommy EVER.  No wrestling, no piggy-back rides, no crazy dancing where I swing him around anymore.  I miss it like crazy, but I'm so happy for the reason.  I just hope he forgives me eventually.

Hmmmmm

I wanted to post this on Facebook, but didn't quite have the nerve.

Gabriel just picked up my bra and said, "Mama's hat!"

Not sure if that says more about the size of my chest or the size of my head!

The dreams of youth

I really try to stay in the present, but rarely succeed.  I find myself already daydreaming sometimes about the lives my kids will have when they grow up.  My problem when I was growing up was that I had no long-term dreams.  I had a short-term goal in high school to have a boyfriend.  That was all I cared about, I realize now when I look back.  I don't think I cared that much about grades, friends or even family as much as I wanted to have a boyfriend.  WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS!  

Once I got to college, I had so many interests but I couldn't decide which one I liked best for a career.  I started out with Business Administration, then switched to History, then dropped out all together.  When I went back I thought about Art History for awhile, but by then my marriage was so bad I realized deep down somewhere that I would have to find something I could actually earn a living with, and that wasn't going to be it.  I settled on Accounting after taking the Intro course and breezing through it.  It paid off as a money-making decision, but never has done much for my soul.  

I think sometimes about the different courses my life could have taken, when you have those tiny moments in life where you could go one way or the other, and then can't go back.   When I was in my senior year (after attending for 10 years on and off) of college, one of my Economics professors thought very highly of my performance in his advanced money and banking course and recommended me to be in the Economics Graduate Program.  I met the dean and they asked what my interests were, and when I told them I was really interested in the Environment they were very excited because so many programs were just beginning in that field.  But I knew I needed a real job, and work-study wasn't going to work.  I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had decided to somehow try that course.  Maybe I'd even have worked my way up to be an advisor to the Obama administration.  (Well, we are talking about dreams, after all).  

So I've never really achieved much of a level of greatness.   Getting married to a wonderful man and having a child has been my greatest achievement, along with turning my life around from a horrible marriage, drawn out divorce and several really bad relationship choices.  Having this little family makes me proud of what I do, more than any job has (or ever will, I'm sure).  I'm proud at how much I've grown to appreciate my parents and in-laws and entire immediate family.  I'm proud that I am trying to be a better friend than I used to be.  I'm also proud that I was brave enough to ask our Homeowner's Association Newsletter Editor if I could start writing a Going Green article every month.  My writing has become better each month, and even though I gripe about having to do it beforehand each month, I am always really proud of myself when I see the article.  I realize that this may be my only shot at reaching people about something I really believe in, and if even one or two people change their thinking about their lifestyles, then I have achieved what I set out to do.  I might take a month or two off when the baby comes, but I hope to get right back to it as soon as the sleep deprivation wears off.

I think it would be great if either of my kids decides what they want to do in life early and starts to pursue a goal for themselves.  But I think I'll also be ok if they flounder around for awhile.  I just want them to be happy.  And after all, I turned out ok.

Neighborhood

The appearance of the fire truck at the end of our 4th of July Parade always causes great excitement.

This year we even had horses, which was my second favorite part.

THIS is my favorite part.  This is LaWayne, who puts together the monthly newsletter and her recently purchased El Camino.  I love it!!!

Gabriel was much happier than he looks in this picture.

The basketball goal that George and Billie gave us recently.  Their granddaughter, who is 11, finally outgrew it.

There are some who would have doubts about living in our neighborhood, and I will admit that we are in the midst of the "hood" and hear gunshots about once or twice a month.  I doubt anyone would pick our neighborhood for the school system either.  But I have grown to love this neighborhood during the three and a half years we've lived here.  We have an active neighborhood association with a great newsletter.  They have formed groups to fight various things threatening our area and have fought city hall on many occasions.  We all pulled together as a neighborhood and got the gas people to drill on the absolute outskirts of our neighborhood, and because so many held out we were paid handily for our acreage.  We have a neighborhood patrol in which residents volunteer to slowly drive the area for one hour apiece to watch for any suspicious activity.  Because of this group's vigilance, we have one of the lowest crime rates of any neighborhood in Fort Worth.  

And we have some really great neighbors.  I've talked on this blog about George and Billie next door.  They are in their eighties, but very spry and cognizant, and just the nicest people.  I take Gabriel over to play about once a month, and he loves them like another set of grandparents.  We bring each other cookies and banana bread, and chat in the yard every time we're both outside, which seems like all the time.  I've spoken about Helen too, the widow who lives across the street.  We go to the grocery store together once a week, and are becoming better and better friends.  When we called and emailed our friends and family to let them know about Jav getting a job, Helen and George and Billie were also on the list of people to call right away.  I would like to have them over for dinner sometime.  We don't know our other neighbors as well, but are on a first name basis with most of them, which feels good.

I love how diverse our neighborhood is, too.  We have a span of ages from young families with small children (younger than us, of course), families with teenagers, empty nesters, very elderly, and everything in between.  We have every race.  We have a representation of same-sex couples.  It was pretty neat to see all of these different groups represented at our recent annual 4th of July parade.  It was a fantastic turnout and an event that we now really look forward to (especially Gabriel due to the appearance of the fire truck at the end of the parade every year.)   Wednesday night we've been asked to show up with children in tow at our Park Association meeting to try and canvas for new playground equipment.  We're going, and hope to meet some more parents with young kids (besides the few I've met through the neighborhood Moms' Group.)  

I had some doubts about what it would be like when we moved in, but I am now convinced it's a great place to bring up our kids.

To get caught up, part two

June was a tough month for me.  I went from having doctor appointments every week to having to wait a whole month.  Even though I hit three months, and was supposed to stop worrying, I actually worried more and even went to the doctor once due to lower abdominal pain.  But everything was good.  When I would get really low, I would remember our wedding.  We had that one big rain shower that started when the ceremony began and ended just after the ceremony was ending, almost like God custom-made it for us.  The Lutheran bishop who married us claimed that it was good luck and meant fertility.  I know this sounds a little crazy, but I needed to find something to get me thinking positively, and it always seemed to work.  

We had the final round of our Early Testing in late June and got the best report we could have received for my age.  All development looked really good, and our chances of birth defects were greatly diminished.  We were pretty determined upon finding out about this pregnancy to NOT find out what we were having until the birth.  But, of course, we caved.  And found out within 20 seconds of the ultrasound starting that we were having another bouncing baby boy.  We really did not care either way, as long as it was a healthy baby.  I'm sure I'll have sad moments here and there in my life about not having the opportunity to have a daughter, and I'm a little sad that Jav won't get to have that truly special father/daughter relationship.  But even since high school I always had a feeling I'd have two boys, and would always pick out boys names when I dreamed of having kids one day.  I just had to wait a while to have my dream come true!

Also in June, Gabriel started going to Kindermuzic class once a week.  He was shy at first, but seemed to like it ok.  He really loosened up by the last class and was running around singing and spinning.  Our speech therapist advised us it would probably be really good for him to keep interacting with kids his own age during the summer.  We just started the second session but we're at a different church with a different teacher and all new kids.  Plus there's 10 kids compared to 4 in the last class.  The teacher for the first session, Miss Meagan, was young and unorganized and all over the place, but Gabriel really loved her.  The new teacher, Miss Bailey, is twice as old, very organized and structured, and quieter.  Time will tell if he starts to warm up to her, and the whole class.

We had our very fun and MUCH NEEDED Annual Girls' Trip with Julie, Audra and Jana, which ended up having to be only one night and in Fort Worth this year.  But we ate at Mexican Inn to get our trip started, stayed at the Worthington, browsed at the downtown Barnes and Noble, ate downtown  at Pizzeria Uno and then the next day decided on a whim to visit the stockyards, something none of us had ever done as tourists before.  We got there just in time to see the cattle drive down the street!  And we ate..... and ate..... and ate....then ate some more.  Julie kicked our butts playing the Seinfeld trivia game.  We tried an intervention to get Auddie onto Facebook, but failed.  And, of course, we laughed and laughed and laughed.  I'm already needing the next trip.  

I loved seeing Julie and the kids for their stay in Fort Worth.  Julie's book club meeting was fun, even though we didn't talk much about the book (which I'm halfway through and really liking) and opted for getting caught up while sitting around the dinner table.  We had tickets for a Ranger game, which I never thought I'd be able to attend due to the 100+ heat, but a freakish cool front blew through the night before our game and we got to go.  Oh how I've missed those games!!  I think we need to have a goal one day of going to a Ranger game at Yankee stadium, even though we may need to quietly cheer our guys on.  Those Yankee fans can be a bit scary!

And to wrap up my wrap up of what I've missed writing about, Jav got a job on July 8th.  It's a fantastic company called Aramark, and I can't tell you how happy and relieved we are.  He had to go through a phone interview and 4 in-person interviews, which was grueling but paid off in the end.  He beat out 80 other applicants, including two from inside the company.  I'm so proud of him!!!!  That really says something in this economy.  Our benefits through the old job run out August 31st, and the new ones kick in September 1st.  If that's not God taking care of us, I just don't know what is.  (And it's the same insurance company, so no worries about changing doctors and all of that)!  

Well, I think that gets me caught up.   There really is something to the theory about Pregnant Brain, and most of the time lately I just don't want to think that hard, but I am going to make an effort to post something at least once a week.

To get caught up, part one

Where the heck have I been?  Well, it's been a crazy couple of months, to say the least.  And I've been spending too much time on Facebook.  I need to post what's been happening so when we read back on my posts years from now, we won't wonder what happened during the missing three months.

The week before Easter I found out I was pregnant.  This was so crazy and unexpected.  I hadn't been paying attention to a calendar and had been really busy having the book club and then the family over for an early Easter.  I was almost 8 weeks along when I went to the doctor to confirm.  Jav looked at me as if I was speaking Swahili when I told him.  We had decided to stop trying and start really looking into adoption.  We were very excited, but I was also very, very concerned that I would lose another pregnancy.

At the end of the next week, Jav got laid off from his job.  They had recently been bought out by a big company and of course the big company decided they didn't need all the people from the little company.  We had been worried it might happen but hopeful it wouldn't.  We were still really stunned when it did.  

The next weeks are filled with doctors appointments for me, once a week to make sure things were still going well.  Surprisingly to me, they were.  I also remember Gabriel's last few weeks of school, and that he got really sick for the last week and couldn't go to any of the parties, which made me sad.  He had a fever that wouldn't go away and developed fever blisters at the back of his throat.  He stopped eating almost anything for a couple of days, which was a little scary.  It took him two weeks to get back to normal.  

It was strange having Jav at home during the day, but also a blessing because I was queasy from 3 pm to bedtime almost every day.  He would watch Gabriel from 5-6 every night so I could rest up before cooking dinner.  This was a hellish task during that time, but not as bad as cleaning up afterwards.  But we made it through with only a couple of extra take-out nights.  I have to make note of my very crazy and specific cravings I had during the first three months.  One really weird thing is that just before I found out I was pregnant with Gabriel I started craving pickled okra (not something we usually have on hand).  And just about every time I've been pregnant, I've crave it the week before I find out.  It happened with this one too, but I didn't ever put two and two together.  My favorite thing to eat during the first three months was bean and cheese nachos with tons of lettuce, tomato and peppers on top.  I also loved eating salads with butter lettuce, picked beets, sliced avocado and Ranch dressing.  It had to be the Ranch from the envelope, not bottled.  Anything I drank had to be ice-cold.  And the only sweet that tasted really good was Cookies and Cream ice cream.

There were many other things we kept busy with during this time.  We went to Prairiefest in late April, but it was a really hot day and we didn't stay too long.  I had several book club meetings, which are always fun.  Gabriel had his speech therapy sessions and really improved in both sentence length and pronunciation during this time.  We celebrated our 5-year anniversary and my sister-in-law's 40th birthday with a wonderful dinner at Nonna Tata's.  I listened to much of the Van Cliburn piano competition on the TCU radio station, especially while doing the dishes every evening.  

We went to one adoption orientation meeting in late April, with me thinking that if we received bad news about the pregnancy we would at least have started the ball rolling.  This was also despite the fact that we knew we would have no way to fund an adoption with Jav not working.  But the thing I'll remember most about that meeting is walking out feeling so blessed to have had the chance to have even one child.  There were 20-odd couples at that meeting and there was only one other couple besides us that had their own child.  And there I was with one at home and one growing inside of me.  I almost felt guilty, but my guilt was overcome with compassion for the women, and an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness for what we have.  

Well, that's the first month and a half from our Missing in Action period.  I'll finish up next post.