This Christmas seems different

Every year I vow that THIS year I am not going to get stressed out about gift buying, gift wrapping and Christmas card mailing like I have every Christmas since I've been an adult. And every year I always end up very stressed out and tired, and wondering what happened to the joyful Christmas feeling I used to get as a kid. Before I had all of these other things to think about. Christmas seems to come and go and I don't feel like I ever got to enjoy any of it.

But this year I am feeling so very different about everything. I will admit that maybe this newer, more laid back me could have alot to do with not having a regular job anymore. But I think my energy level is challenged more by newly-walking Gabriel than it ever was at work. I think the real reasons behind it are deeper.

The first thing that's different about this year is money. And how we had less to spend on gifts. So for the first time in my life, I have stuck to our Christmas budget. (Keep in mind that although Jav had a hand in deciding what we were going to get people, I did all the shopping this year - hence the "I", instead of the "we").

And since we're on the subject, we have been very careful about what we're getting people this year. I didn't want to rush out and buy a bunch of Chinese-made lead-filled toys for the kids I'm buying for. I've given careful thought about where my gifts are coming from and how they will be used. I did have a weak moment at Toys R Us while looking for a sandbox for Gabriel and ended up buying my nephew a Spider-Man toy that is made in China and that he will absolutely love.

But I think because we've had a really rough month with battling illnesses, losing Fred, a car wreck (Jav was ok, thank God, but the car's pretty banged up), and our friend Keith having an 8-hour surgery tomorrow on his spine, I'm seeing everything with a different perspective. The rushing around and getting things done is still important, but I'm so aware of why I'm doing these things. I'm doing them for people that I love, that I am so thankful to have in my life. It doesn't seem like a chore this year.

I got all of my Christmas cards mailed Tuesday and just smiled thinking about the fun we had trying to take a dang picture, and what we ended up sending instead. I finished wrapping everything yesterday, and marveled at how easy it seemed and was glad I could spend the rest of the afternoon walking Molly and playing with Gabriel outside.

I've been on several shopping expeditions with my Mom, and have enjoyed every one of them. Even though we had to battle some long lines and shortages of parking spaces, it never seemed stressful. We've truly had fun, talking so much we would forget where we were headed in the car, or what we were looking for amidst the crowds in the stores.

Tomorrow night we are going to see the musical version of "A Christmas Carol" at Bass Hall with my brother and his wife. I am so excited about this. I get to get dressed up and go downtown. I get to see the huge Christmas tree in Sundance Square. I get to see Bass Hall all gussied up for the holidays, which is always beautiful. I get to see one of my favorite stories of all time come to life in a new way. But I'm the most excited about doing something special with Philip and April, which we have really never done before. When I hung up the phone after they invited us to go with them (April won the tickets at work), I had that feeling again, of being a kid, and being filled with so much wonderful anticipation and love.