The dreams of youth

I really try to stay in the present, but rarely succeed.  I find myself already daydreaming sometimes about the lives my kids will have when they grow up.  My problem when I was growing up was that I had no long-term dreams.  I had a short-term goal in high school to have a boyfriend.  That was all I cared about, I realize now when I look back.  I don't think I cared that much about grades, friends or even family as much as I wanted to have a boyfriend.  WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS!  

Once I got to college, I had so many interests but I couldn't decide which one I liked best for a career.  I started out with Business Administration, then switched to History, then dropped out all together.  When I went back I thought about Art History for awhile, but by then my marriage was so bad I realized deep down somewhere that I would have to find something I could actually earn a living with, and that wasn't going to be it.  I settled on Accounting after taking the Intro course and breezing through it.  It paid off as a money-making decision, but never has done much for my soul.  

I think sometimes about the different courses my life could have taken, when you have those tiny moments in life where you could go one way or the other, and then can't go back.   When I was in my senior year (after attending for 10 years on and off) of college, one of my Economics professors thought very highly of my performance in his advanced money and banking course and recommended me to be in the Economics Graduate Program.  I met the dean and they asked what my interests were, and when I told them I was really interested in the Environment they were very excited because so many programs were just beginning in that field.  But I knew I needed a real job, and work-study wasn't going to work.  I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had decided to somehow try that course.  Maybe I'd even have worked my way up to be an advisor to the Obama administration.  (Well, we are talking about dreams, after all).  

So I've never really achieved much of a level of greatness.   Getting married to a wonderful man and having a child has been my greatest achievement, along with turning my life around from a horrible marriage, drawn out divorce and several really bad relationship choices.  Having this little family makes me proud of what I do, more than any job has (or ever will, I'm sure).  I'm proud at how much I've grown to appreciate my parents and in-laws and entire immediate family.  I'm proud that I am trying to be a better friend than I used to be.  I'm also proud that I was brave enough to ask our Homeowner's Association Newsletter Editor if I could start writing a Going Green article every month.  My writing has become better each month, and even though I gripe about having to do it beforehand each month, I am always really proud of myself when I see the article.  I realize that this may be my only shot at reaching people about something I really believe in, and if even one or two people change their thinking about their lifestyles, then I have achieved what I set out to do.  I might take a month or two off when the baby comes, but I hope to get right back to it as soon as the sleep deprivation wears off.

I think it would be great if either of my kids decides what they want to do in life early and starts to pursue a goal for themselves.  But I think I'll also be ok if they flounder around for awhile.  I just want them to be happy.  And after all, I turned out ok.