It never really stops

I have been anticipating the first birthday of Joel with much trepidation. Thinking of this child leaving babyhood has been tough for me, for there are no more to follow now. No joy mixed with fear at the finding of a new pregnancy. No wonder over the feel of a new life growing inside of me. No excitement mixed with anxiety over labor and delivery. No marvel at a new baby's face, as they morph from resembling one side of the family to the other each morning. It literally makes me ache with sadness.

But then something happened last week that has made the coming event a little easier. I got sick. With a 24-hour bug that packed a punch. Friday afternoon I was supposed to take the boys to pick up Molly at the vet. That was all we had on our plate. By 3:30 or so I was so chilled and my energy level so low that I started to wonder if I could even get them both in the car. My temperature dropped to 96.2, and even with layers of clothes and blankets I could not get warm. Luckily I managed to get both boys asleep, which is almost impossible to do at the same time these days. I consider that happening Divine Intervention. I started trying to call Jav, but he was having serious goings-on at work and couldn't get away. I then called my Dad to see if he would pick up Molly on his way home from work. He said he could and would. One issue taken care of. After he dropped her off, the virus really kicked in and I will spare you the details.

I knew I could maybe handle taking care of Gabriel, but not Joel. It's too physical, and I had nothing. Zip. Nada. No energy to even lift my head off the pillow. Tia Sandie came to get Gabriel to go see a basketball game. I'm glad because I know he was worried when he saw my crumpled body on the couch, even though he is too much of a big boy to admit it. So what do you do when you are that sick? You call your Mama. That's what I did. She came, gatorade and Sprite bottles in hand, and took over Joel for me. By then my fever had risen to 102.5. I don't really remember the two hours she was here, other than hearing Joel laugh, and her face in my bedroom doorway to ask a question now and then. She was here until Jav finally made it home sometime around 8 pm.

It made me think of almost a year ago, when my father not only drove me to the hospital the night before I was induced to have Joel, but then stayed with me when Jav couldn't get away from work that night either. I was having strong contractions, timed far enough apart that I didn't think anything would happen. But my dear Dad insisted on staying with me just in case. He seemed nervous while we waited, though, and I now realize it was because he is old school. I think the thought of being present when I had the baby really terrified him! Or maybe it was more about having to see me be in that much pain and be helpless to really do anything. But the thing is, just by being there, even in the same hospital, he was helping.

When you decide to become a parent, at least a GOOD parent, you do so for life. No matter if your child is 3 months, 3 years, 23 years, or 43 years. If they need you, you respond in the same way. You get there. It made me realize that my job truly is just beginning. I will hopefully have many more years of being there for them when they need me. The only difference is that there will be periods where they don't appreciate it as much as Joel does now. Gabriel has entered one of those periods, unless he needs me in the middle of the night. But Joel seems so thankful all day long just because I'm here. Just as I was thankful to have my Mom Friday night. And just as my parents have passed on their parenting skills and dedication to me, I will try to pass on that thankfulness to my boys.