Halcyon days

I love the word "halcyon". According to Greek mythology, "halcyon days" refers to the seven days of winter when no storms occur. Mary Chapin Carpenter has a song called "Jubilee" on one of her CDs (Stones in the Road, in case anyone is interested). I love, love, love this song, and the last line says, "When we look back and say, those were halcyon days, we're talking 'bout jubilee!" I have no idea what she's singing about, but I've interpreted that line in my own way using the last year of my life. My definition would be more like, "days when you have no stress and don't have to be rushed to do anything".

There is no doubt that having babies and toddlers around is hard work. It's the hardest work I've ever done, and I've never been so tired night after night when I finally fall into bed. And even though having Joel doubled the hard work, there has also been a sense of calm and well being that hit me sometime during the last year. The realization hit me that I have been blessed beyond belief. I've been able to stay home with these wonders and witness every change, every milestone reached, like Joel walking his first five or six steps down the hallway last Thursday. All the big stuff.

But it's the little stuff that I think I will remember. The stuff that a full-time working Mom might not have time for. The days of coming home from doctors appointments and driving by the duck pond on the way home, just to see if we can count how many ducks stayed instead of migrating (it turns out all of them). Driving Gabriel to see the middle school construction site so he could watch the diggers and cranes at work. Going the long way home from various places in order to swing past the fire station and maybe, just maybe, catch a glimpse of the fire trucks. Doing nothing in the backyard other than laying on a blanket and staring up at the sky through the trees. Then finally succumbing to Gabriel's begging and kicking the soccer ball up and down the yard with him, holding a gleeful Joel the whole time. Watching Joel take blocks and place them in various very important places around his room, like in his crib, in his nightstand drawer, and in the seat of the rocking chair. Hanging out after dinner to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Patty Cake". Going to the scary-guy store during Halloween just to see which scary guys were left. Playing tickle on the floor with both boys.

I started working two days a week last week and our dynamic changed. Maybe it was because I felt a need to rush more, and an urgency to get things done around the house on the days I don't work. I still drove past the duck pond, but felt like I missed out on many more of our special moments. I hope that we can get back into a rhythm where the moments don't escape me, but I don't have any illusions about the fact that it will never be quite as special as it was when I had ALL of my time to give to them.

When I look back to the last year, the year Joel turned one and Gabriel turned four, I will think to myself that those were indeed our halcyon days.