Crotchety before my time

We've had a hard couple of weeks, with first both boys getting upper respiratory and ear infections, then Jav getting bronchitis, then me having a sinus and double ear infections. Add to that all the extra hours Jav worked recently (until 10 or later for a week and a half) on a project, and you have one tired and burned out me.

I used to have so much energy. I was unstoppable in the yard, or for any kind of project around the house. I cleaned my house every week and always had time to exercise and walk the dogs.

Times have changed. I am so tired most of the time I got nothing these days. I tried to work out a schedule for cleaning my house so I could keep up better, but my play time with the boys always goes long, or I have to call someone that ends up taking awhile and my whole cleaning mojo just disappears for another day. I have NEVER let my house get this bad before, but it is really hard for me to tell the boys that they are on their own for awhile while I clean after I've been at work all day and have been missing them. I thought for awhile I might try to clean after they went to bed, but there's just no way.

Exercising, other than walking the dog with the boys, is out of the question. I can't get up any earlier than I do to go to work, I get up early to grocery shop on Saturdays, and if we don't have plans I look forward to sleeping in all the way to 7 on Sundays. Forget about doing anything like yoga.

We need to get Tucker to a once a week training class, but some classes are during the week and I just don't see where I'll have any time to fit it in.  So I just keep putting it off.

All of this leads to frustration and me in a generally bad mood all of the time. I feel like I should be getting more done.  Instead, I feel just like Loretta Lynn (as portrayed by Sissy Spacek), in Coal Miner's Daughter, just before she collapses and has a nervous breakdown,  "I'm not runnin my life anymore, my life's runnin' me."   Or something like that.  I think alot of the reason is my age and trying to keep up with little kids.  

And now, add work to the stress. Work was so easy, I didn't even realize how little I was using my brain. Now, though, my brain is trying to keep up. The girl who is our buyer will be leaving on maternity leave in mid to late August, and I was asked to replace her to "enter orders" while she's gone. I didn't think it would be a big deal so I accepted. Big mistake with this new, crotchety me. I've had five days of nonstop training and I am overwhelmed! Apparently they want me to basically do her job, entirely, while she's out.  There's so much to remember and it's all new and I frankly just want to either go back to my humdrum easy job or quit. Before this, even though I didn't relish having to work, it was a nice break from the boys and a chance to be around adults again and feel like I was contributing to something. Now I am dreading getting to work, totally burned out when I get home, and having dreams about part numbers and purchase orders.

I have to admit that part of my anger is at myself for not wanting to take on a challenge and learn something new.  I always thought I would look forward to learning things at any age.  But I guess I was thinking more about learning an instrument or sewing or something.  Not this.  Also, I don't want my boys to just think it's ok to quit at something that seems difficult at first.  I would want them to tough it out to see if it gets better after some time.  So I will do the same thing.  But I don't have to be happy about it.