Memory loss

As I watch Joel get bigger and start to become more aware of his surroundings and all of us, I am flabbergasted at how little I remember when Gabriel was this age. I remember that he cried much more than we ever thought possible. I remember that it was really hard to get him to go to sleep. But I don't remember his smiles or giggles, or little noises like he wanted to talk to us. I had to go back and read my posts about Gabriel to help give my memory a little jolt. I fear the same thing will happen with Joel and in a few years I won't remember any of this. And to make matters worse, I find I am much lazier (or just busier?) about taking pictures and video with Joel.

There are already so many differences between the boys. Joel is a talker already. The minute he sees one of our faces, he starts making his little baby talk to us. Poor Gabriel, being the firstborn, had a Mommy that didn't realize I was supposed to be talking to him, and I partially blame myself for some of his speech issues now. On the other hand, I realize now how lucky we were with Gabriel in that we didn't have to take him to the doctor for illness until he was over a year old. I never called or was concerned or anything. I think by the time Joel was a month old we had called 10 times about various things, sometimes in the middle of the night. But many of those calls had to do with me taking meds to get over my cough and were they safe to take while nursing. And although Joel doesn't cry near as much as Gabriel did, when he cries he is much louder than Gabriel every was. It was a production followed by prayers to get Gabriel to sleep for the first three months or so. Joel falls asleep so easily that I can't rouse him for his last feeding some nights. Personality-wise, I think Gabriel takes after me. He's impulsive, he doesn't like to sit still and can be a bit manic sometimes. I believe Joel will be more like Jav, calm and laid back. Gabriel is my Speedy Gonzales and Joel is my Slowpoke Rodriquez.

We all attended Mass last Saturday for the first time since (I'm embarrassed to say it) September. We had been so nervous about taking both boys, but it went so well. Joel was awake for the first half, then got fussy so I found an empty room and fed him. He slept through the rest of the service. Gabriel was so good we wondered if elves had kidnapped our child and replaced him with someone who actually minds us. He even picked up the hymnal and tried to sing every time there was a hymn. It felt really good to go, and I got all emotional thinking about these two gifts God has given us. When we were walking out Father Paul wanted to see Joel and when he found out how much he had weighed at birth he literally shouted, "Holy Mother!" Jav and I found this hysterical. We were happy to find out that our friends that we sit behind had their second boy (their first is a year younger than Gabriel) last Wednesday. What is the deal with people having boys? Not one person that's been pregnant lately has had a girl, and all the babies born in the hospital the night Joel was born were boys.

I must try to make a commitment to myself to drag out the camera and the video camera every day. I don't want these sweet days to fly by without some documentation.

Brothers

Even though it's a little blurry, I love this picture. And how I love these boys.

Western Week

I'm so proud of Gabriel for wearing his hat into the classroom. I just wish he would have sung his cowboy song - "Yipee Ti Yi Yoooooooo, Little Doggies"

Growth spurt

Joel started his six-week growth spurt Thursday. For the first time he was eagerly eating at every feeding without falling asleep after 3 minutes. Which led to better naps and more peaceful wakeful times, which meant we had a couple of really great days. Especially Friday, which was just about as perfect of a day as you can get with a newborn in the house. Today I'm not sure if the growth spurt is still going on or if he's just decided that eating is fun, but he has been wanting to eat every hour to hour and a half today, and hasn't wanted to take much of a nap at all. It's exhausting! On days like this I come close to thinking I want to give up, but then I remember how far we have come and I decide to stick with it at least another day. I'm really hoping to continue breast feeding for a year. I don't want to have to buy one can of formula. But the main reason is that when it works, it's just such a perfect feeling. He has started sucking on his hand and I'm trying to decide if it'd be ok to give him a pacifier. I've read that I could run the risk of really messing things up by giving a pacifier to a lazy eater like Joel.

We set a busy agenda for ourselves this weekend. Jav wanted to take some big boxes out of our garage and put them into storage (thank you Mike and Susan!) We wanted to finally get all the Christmas decorations put away and back up in the attic. All of this so that Jav can start parking in the garage. He hasn't had a radio in his car since his got stolen months ago. I don't know how he's gone this long. My goal today was to wash all of the pets bedding, and clean off anything that had pet hair on it, like cat scratch posts. I haven't washed the cats' bedding in about 6 months. Yuck! Even though Bones keeps himself really clean, he does have periods of shedding. Zoe is another matter. We call her Pig Pen, because she is not very good at grooming herself and walks around the house in a little cloud of white hair. When I started brushing her every day, though, she got better at doing it herself. Since Joel's been here I stopped brushing them, but have now started up again. It's a good feeling to have at least one aspect of my house clean. I also did four loads of laundry today, which may be a record. Why does one tiny person increase the laundry tenfold? It just doesn't make sense to me.

The funnest thing we did happened this afternoon. We had our first family walk with both boys and Molly. It was a beautiful day and we all enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. (Well, Joel slept through the whole thing.) It felt so good to get out of the house for awhile!

Joel is really looking around at everything now. He started smiling and laughing (on the same day) about three weeks ago, but now his whole face gets into the smile. Gabriel loves it when Joel smiles at him. He's making the wonderful little cooing noises that babies make, and today squealed really loud. He's been enjoying his sponge baths, and I'm so ready to give him a real bath to see what happens, but his little umbilical stump still hasn't fallen off.

I'm wondering if I should give up drinking milk since Joel has been extremely fussy in the evenings. I don't know if you can call if colic, but it seems close. Several things bother me about this. One thing is that I drink milk all day long, so wouldn't he be fussy all day, not just in the evenings? The other thing is that I eat all kinds of food that could be causing his tummy to act up (cabbage, citrus fruits, etc...), so how do I know it's milk? I LOVE milk and am going to be really upset if I have to stop drinking it for awhile. I guess it could just be typical baby evening fussiness for reasons other than digestion, especially on days like today when I know Joel hasn't gotten enough sleep during the day. Sometimes I think all the reading I've been doing on first year issues make me think too much.

And on a very sad note, the devastation in Haiti from last week's massive earthquake is almost more than I can comprehend. My sister-in-law told us about a teacher's aide from Haiti at her school. His mother had gone home to visit relatives and passed away in the earthquake. They still have not been able to contact any of his wife's family, and fear the worse for them, too. That is just one of literally millions of stories of people who have lost loved ones. I am praying for the victims, their families, the rescue workers and the people trying to get relief to them.

Long days

Why is it when you have a newborn that every day seems to last about 72 hours long? And that's with a good baby. Because Joel is a good baby. He's sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches at night, and takes short cat naps during the day. He has his moments when he gets really tired and cranky, but that's only towards the end of the evening. Our biggest issue has been breast feeding, due to his sleepiness and me continually trying to make it harder than it needs to be. But I think we finally made it past the learning curve and are doing pretty well now. It's amazing to me how much you forget about having a newborn. I had not forgotten about labor, but I had forgotten about how helpless this little guy would be, and about the crying and how horrible it can make you feel when you can't stop it.

It also seems much harder this time because we have Gabriel. He is very sweet and never complains outright about the fact that

I have very little time to sit down and play with just him. But I know he is a little irritated because he doesn't want me to play with him if I'm holding Joel. And he has definitely reverted back somewhat and cowers behind me when I try to drop him off at Mother's Day Out. He loves testing me these days, which leaves me feeling like all I do is gripe at him all day long. And I don't even want to discuss potty training, or our lack thereof.

And then there's me and my OCD about having no clutter and a clean house. When Gabriel was a baby, if he took a short nap I would try to get some cleaning or laundry done. I realized that if Joel takes a short nap I need to try to play with or read to Gabriel. If I go absolutely bonkers because the house is such a mess, so be it. Which, of course, is easier said than done. Sometimes I just can't stand it and pick up the broom. Then I feel guilty when Gabriel comes up later and asks if I want to play and I'm feeding Joel and can't get up off the couch. That has definitely been the hardest part of this so far. And getting used to functioning on only 4-5 hours of sleep within a 24-hour period.

Jav has really stepped it up in more ways than I can count, He is feeding the pets in the morning, doing the dishes after dinner, and putting Gabriel to bed most evenings. (He was already giving him a bath every night.) I am so lucky to have such a fantastic husband and father to my kids.

The weather hasn't helped the long days either, with the coldest temps we've had in a long time keeping us all inside and with growing cabin fever. I don't think there's ever been a stretch this long that I haven't gone outside since I've been an adult. I probably am suffering from a vitamin D deficiency. But with temps in the teens and 20's, there's no way we're going outside.

We've also had stresses around the house too lately, like our garage door broke and we couldn't get the car out for a couple of days. We finally got them both fixed, though, and now it's been great to load up the kids in the warmer garage before heading out. Our vacuum cleaner is falling apart. Then during the last cold snap we woke up with no water coming out of the kitchen sink. I guess we should have taken my Dad''s advice and had a plumber come and wrap the pipes in the attic (or at least we could have remembered to keep a slow drip going). I think we dodged a bullet, though, because after Jav and my Dad did some things to try to thaw out the pipes we had running water by lunch time and nothing had busted.

But there are the truly sweet moments, like today when I was nursing Joel and Gabriel crawled in the big green chair with us to watch TV. I am still pinching myself that I get to have two kids. It also helps to keep me awake!

Gabriel's haircut

Gabriel came home from his recent haircut looking like Little Ricky, with his hair all slicked up in the front with gel.. All he needs is a conga drum.

Gabriel-Best of

Watching him play the drums on a big book in the back seat to all the fast songs on Here Come the 1 2 3's.

His ending to any play phone conversation with his imitation of Mama with the goofy laugh and the West Texas "Bye", then another short goofy laugh. And realizing I do it on almost every phone call.

Seeing his bottom lip come out (like it used to when he was a baby) when he gets embarassed about falling, or when one of the cats hurts his feelings and takes a swipe at him.

When he gets the "midnight crazies" before and/or after his bath and runs at top speed around the house alternately saying, "Mama, mama, mama," then "Dada, dada, dada".

Seeing how sweet he is with the pets, hugging and petting them and loving to say their names. Then he started leaning his head near them and saying,"Isn't that sweet?" Just like we do.

Watching him play the piano with such gusto and passion, especially when he sings too. Where has he seen anybody do this? And realizing that for any request we give him he actually plays an intro to the song before he starts singing.

When he reads his truck book (and other books) he gets crazy excited arms and body for each different picture.

He jumps with excitement anytime someone gets into a truck and drives away.

Standing up in the green velvet chair and stomping his feet while saying "Boom A Boom A Boom" and mommy running from the big scary dinosaur. To squeals of delight.

The day we picked up Andrew and Allison for the first time, and he looked down the hall and said, clear as a bell, "library!"

The first time he requested we go to the library, and got really upset when I had to tell him it was closed that day.

The day we were driving out of Dr. Cavazos's office and stopped at an intersection, and he said, clear as a bell, "octagon", while pointing at the stop sign.

Watching him turn into the froggy, his animal of choice, and saying Ribbit Ribbit all over the house.

A-Boom-a boom-a boom-a boom-a while stomping on the green velvet chair - Dinasaur!!!

Singing the ABC song over and over while grocery shopping. Spontaneous hugs from the buggy while grocery shopping.

Jumping on the trampoline - jump, jump, jump jump a jump until we get to the rest rest rest part.

Playing hide and seek behind the trees - one, two, tree, fower, pive, dix, memen, eight, nine, ten! Here I come!

Reading most books, and hearing, "what's that Mama?" every page. I love that.

'five, four, three two one BLAST OFF another rocket ship run" while I lift him into the air on my legs and hearing that wonderful laugh.

talking to his little ladybug, taking her all around the house and showing her things.

the ear-piercing screech he started making when he didn't get his way.

Jav giving him piggy-back rides around the house.

Best phrases: to-tay (ok), "dude it again" or "wead it again"

Introducing Wallace and Gromit to him

Great Ladybug Tragedy of 2009

Shoulder-shake dance exactly like Cade used to at his age, and low evil giggle that Cade did too.

"Nice haircut, Daddy"

The afternoon I couldn't find my purse before Mass and was running all over the house looking for it, and Gabriel started yelling "Dad Gummit" like a cuss word while running around after me.

The day we had been to the library and he found his favorite book Things That Go and when I was loading him into the car he said, "Thanks for coming, Mama".

"That's a gweat idea!"

"Oh, I did forget!"

"Time to play my 'puter."

The new man in my life

All three of my guys.

He looks so tiny to me in this picture.

Proud Papa.

Tita is very happy...

...and so is Mamaw.
Already trying to lift his head.

Joel Terrell Villarreal entered this world on Tuesday, December 1st at 1:23 pm. (Gabriel was born at 1:05 pm. This must be my time of the day to have babies.) There are so many things about the experience I want to remember.

The first thing I'll always remember is how stupid we were to think that my doctor might not change his mind and want to admit us on Monday night instead of early Tuesday morning. I had to drive to Aledo for my last appointment at 2:15, and he informed me that he wanted me admitted by 5:30. I got on my cell to call Jav, who already knew he had to work late that night to be off the rest of the week, my Dad to see if he could take me to the hospital, and the vet's office to see if we could board Molly that night. I tried to make a running list in my head as I drove back home of the prioritized things I had to get done and threw out the things I wanted to get done. I finished packing for me and Gabriel. I took a quick shower, realizing I hadn't had one yet that day. I took Molly to the vet and dropped off Gabriel's bag at Jav's Mom's. I think the hardest part of that whole afternoon was saying goodbye to Gabriel. I bawled when I got back to the car. Then I went back home to wait for my Dad. I put the sheets back on the bed, emptied the dishwasher and took care of feeding the cats before he got there.

My Dad was the best Dad ever, again, and stayed with me in the hospital until 9 when I finally kicked him out. He didn't want me to be up there by myself, but I assured him that Jav was on his way and I would just work a crossword puzzle until he got there. Jav, however, was having a nightmare of a time at work, thinking he could leave at one point and they called him back in to fix a spreadsheet that wasn't working. Luckily, I couldn't eat any dinner until after 10 anyway so it all worked out (although I was having fairly strong and repetitive Braxton Hicks contractions when my Dad was there and was just a little worried that the baby would come when no one was there with me.) I was really glad to see Jav (and glad to see my dinner).

They induced me at 5:30 in the morning and the contractions started getting pretty bad by 9:30 or so. I got the epidural and all was quickly better. My parents got there around noon and finally convinced Jav to go get some lunch while they were in the room with me, and because there had been little change in the progression of the baby for over an hour. As soon as he left the nurse checked me and said, " Are you ready to have this baby?" So we called him and he was eating in the room when my doctor got there. By then the baby was crowning. I went through two rounds of pushing and breathing and he was out. Dr. Tatum, who is usually very conservative about guessing weights and such, said "He's huge" when he pulled him out. I think it was a real point of pride to him that he got Joel out without any broken bones. But I was still pretty shocked when they yelled out the weight: 10 pounds, 13 ounces of baby boy. Apparently I was born to birth big babies.

Some other things I want to remember about our hospital stay is Gabriel's first meeting of Joel face to face. I wish I had been videotaping to get Gabriel's face. He was just shocked to see a real live baby. He kept pointing to my tummy and saying, "Baby Joel?" and we kept telling him, "No, Baby Joel came out and here he is!" I think he finally got it, and even asked to hold him before Jav's parents took him back home. Another wonderful thing about my stay was the nurses. Every one of them were just so helpful and wonderful. I never had to wait for anything, they were bringing me pain meds, food and drinks, and plenty of advice about breastfeeding my whole stay. (Their advice was much better than the lactation consultant we finally saw the day after he was born). I spent my entire hospital stay eating graham crackers and drinking cranberry juice, in between regular meals, of course.

And the best memory I will have is early the morning after Joel was born, just after Jav left to run home and feed the cats. He had left the blinds open for me to see that it was starting to snow, and at first it was just a few flakes. But then as I held Joel and felt just so thankful that he was here and healthy, it started snowing really hard and was so beautiful to see. We'd joked through the whole pregnancy that he was our Rain Baby because we had such a wet summer, and very much on schedule it rained the day he was born. But I wasn't counting on snow. It just seemed so easy to believe in miracles that morning.

Waiting for your destiny

Jav and I have decided it's a very strange feeling when you are in the last weeks before a baby comes. I'm sure with the first baby the strange feeling was stronger since we had NO idea what we were getting into! You would think the feeling wouldn't be as anxious the second time around, and it's not. But there are still some unknowns - like what it will be like to have two (one of whom will demand constant attention), will this one sleep well, will Gabriel adjust well to him.... on and on.

So when the doctor set the "Date to Induce" to be next Tuesday, the clock on all that has become normal and routine in our lives started to tick down. It's just a strange mix of joy, excitement and curiosity to meet the new guy, and a little dread at knowing how little sleep we will be getting and that nothing will be routine. Being a self-admitted control freak, I thrive on routine. And Gabriel now thrives on routine, so his little world is about to get a shock also. We have our lives down to a nice rhythm now and there's not too many unexpected things that occur during our day. A new baby is going to be a big, sweet bundle full of unexpected for awhile.

And I cannot wait to hold that bundle. To see his face and smell him... to feel that softer than soft baby skin, and slowly get to see his personality develop. I got a glimpse of his profile at the ultrasound Tuesday and I don't think his cheeks will be as big as Gabriel's were, and I'm now wondering what else will be different about him. It's also a wonderful feeling to know Gabriel will now have a brother. He got a little upset when I told him that the baby will be sleeping in our room for awhile. He wants him to be in his room, which is all fine and good as long as he's the quiet lump moving around in Mommy's tummy. He may be glad of the arrangement once he realizes that the lump is going to cry, eat and poop - and not much else.

And so we all wait for Tuesday, when everything gets turned upside down in our little world. And a big bouncing baby boy fills that little world with more love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Miserable

That's me. I have only gotten three or so hours of sleep for the last three nights. Every time I think I'm close to drifting off, I start coughing, We came really close to driving to the emergency room last night, but I kept telling myself I could make it another hour before we resorted to that. I've pulled ligaments all under this gigantic belly and can barely walk. I called the doctor back yesterday to beg for stronger medication, but they took so long to get back to me that my Z-pack wasn't ready until today.

It's a fine line to walk between being willing to take anything to get better, and worrying that I could be harming the baby somehow with all these meds. But I went to the OB/GYN today and they said I HAD to get better and hopefully wouldn't go into labor while I was this sick. So I'm trying to put the worry out of my head and concentrate on getting better. My sweet mother-in-law offered to keep Gabriel most of the day, with my sweet sister-in-law picking him up late this afternoon to hang out with him until bath time. The coughing seems a little better, but no sleep still. I've watched Top Chef reruns all day and have made progress on the book I'm reading. But I really just want to go to sleep. And can't.

Looking forward, I have a sonogram scheduled for next Tuesday. My doctor wants to see how big the baby is. If he's over 10 pounds, he'll want to schedule a C-section once I hit 41 weeks and still show no signs of labor. He told me as he walked out of the exam room today that if would just go ahead an have him next Monday or Tuesday he wouldn't have to worry about any of that. I told him I'd work on that this weekend. It's a good thing I've learned to appreciate his dry sense of humor.

Waking up in the middle of the night

Not so peaceful. I have a hacking cough that attacks mostly at night and is getting progressively worse. I went to the doctor Friday but he saw no infection and therefore gave me crappy medicine. Nothing is helping the cough and I'm starting to get a bad pain in one side where the ligaments are stretching. It's probably my imagination, but it feel like the baby is lower, too, over the past few days. I cannot get comfortable and have tried various places in the house to try to sleep besides my bed (I feel worse knowing that I'm keeping Jav up). I wish we had an old, comfy recliner...but we don't. I'm currently sipping a big mug of hot water and lemon which is helping my throat but not the tightness in my chest.

I REALLY need my sleep right now and am going to call and beg for something stronger tomorrow. I can't believe I made it through the whole pregnancy until now without getting sick.

Waking up

I've always hated to hear the alarm going off in the morning. But now that I've been a stay-at-home-Mom for awhile I hate it even more. I set it, because I still have to get up early (earlier than my work-going husband). But I have an internal clock that usually wakes me up between three to five minutes before the thing actually goes off. One day when I have to go back to work I will invest in one that has a really cool sound so that it won't put me in a bad mood first thing in the morning. I also give Jav grief all the time because he obsessively looks at the clock every time he wakes up during the night. I think this is crazy, and go out of my way to NOT look at it, so I can enjoy the rest of my sleeping time without worrying about how much time I have left to go.

Saturdays are my one day to sleep in. Instead of 6:15, I sleep until 7:15. I realize this doesn't really constitute "sleeping in" to most people, but it's nice to have one day in the week that is a slight break from routine. It helps my psyche. I've been having trouble sleeping all week with a bad cough that only shows up at night when I'm horizontal, but I slept a little better last night. I alternate between sleeping on my right side with my head slightly propped up and a sitting up position. For some reason I start coughing immediately if I try the left side. This morning I was dozing in the sitting up position and could hear things here and there.

First I heard Molly licking some part of herself, which has a tendency to drive me nuts. I whispered for her to stop, and she did. So then she started snoring. But it settled into a really low snore that actually put me back to sleep for awhile. Then I heard the cardinals, the first risers of the bird world, with their little "chirp......chirps". They were probably happy that I remembered to put birdseed out for them last night. I drifted off again, but then woke up when I heard Gabriel whispering something on the monitor. He must have been talking in his sleep, because then all I heard a slight wheezy breathing from him. I remember thinking that Jav must really be sleeping good because he usually makes some slight snoring noises, but he was completely silent and still beside me. Back to sleep again until the baby started rolling, then violently kicked all of a sudden, waking me completely up. At the same time heard a coven (is that right?) of crows way off in the distance fussing at some predator. I must have drifted back off until I heard Zoe meowing her complaint, as she always does on Saturdays, that I'm not up when I'm supposed to be.

So I finally opened my eyes, stretched all over, and finally looked at the clock. It was 7:13. Perfect! I hefted myself up for the day. Some people might think all of these sounds were an annoying way to wake up in the morning, but I found them all very peaceful and woke up feeling great for the first time this week.

Sleepytime songs

This post is pure indulgence for me. I want to remember as much as I can about my kids being young, and this blog will help to jar my memory, hopefully. So to all three people who read this blog, this is probably going to be a bit boring.

I started singing songs to Gabriel as soon as he was born, some lullaby-type songs, and some slower and melodic pop songs. Slowly things have evolved over the past three years into a nice pattern before naps and bedtime, where he now expects certain songs from me. About a year ago, I (being the way-too-organized person that I am), devised somewhat of a system to help me remember what songs to sing on which nights. I like to add new ones in sometimes, but it's hard to find the right songs. I love it on nights when he decides to sing along, which he does alot since he's actually learned most of these songs. I think the repetition is comforting and the familiarity of the songs helps to relax him. So here is our current "playlist". I have tried to cover several different genres.

Sunday is supposed to be the 70's, but it's turned into the Carpenters day. I either sing "Sing" (which is a Sesame Street song, but I like the Carpenters version better), or "Top of the World" before his nap. Then a favorite before bedtime: "Close to You". He loves the end when I do the "Waaaaaaaaah" in the style of Rick Moranis on Parenthood.

Monday is 30's and 40's day. The nap songs goes back to when he was born, because this is a song my grandfather used to sing to me. It's "On the Good Ship Lollipop", which I'm not sure how much longer will last because it's kind of a girly song. My niece Macy now requests it every time she spends the night over here, which I love. Bedtime songs rotate between "Singin' in the Rain" and "Fly Me To The Moon", of which there is a wonderful version on one of his Laurie Berkner CD's. Every once in awhile I throw in "Blue Skies", (Ella Fitgerald version without the scatting).

Tuesday used to be Beatles day, but has sort of become 60's day. I would sing "I'm Only Sleeping" before nap, which turns out to be a wonderful lull-into-sleep song. I added a slow version of "Can't Buy Me Love", and "Eight Days a Week". But since this is a Mother's Day Out day during the school year, I don't get to those very often. Nighttime songs now rotate between two songs: The Beatles version of "Till There Was You", which is an old 40's song that they covered and another one my grandfather used to sing alot, and "Happy Together" by the Turtles, which is one of his favorite songs of all time. Usually he requests it three or four times a week, but I stick to Tuesdays. I actually added some funny background vocals to the Beatles song, and he sings them every time now.

Wednesdays started out being Willie Wednesdays (as in Nelson), but I never could remember words to more than one Willie Song that was appropriate for sleepytime. So now it's Old School Country. I sing either "Walking After Midnight" or "You Belong To Me" by Patsy Cline at naptime. If you are familiar with "Walking After Midnight", you will know that her backup singers do alot of "wa wa wa wa wa" singing, and Gabriel has learned their parts perfectly. Nighttime song never rotates here, it's always "I'd Have to Be Crazy" by Willie. Jav was amazed (while listening in on the monitor) when Gabriel would try to sing along even a year ago.

Thursdays are Mary Poppins day. Nap time was always "Jolly Holiday", but since this is another Mother's Day Out day now, I rotate that with "Chim Chiminy" and "Stay Awake" for nighttime. Sometimes I go crazy and do a medley.

Fridays were James Taylor day, but we've had to do some adjusting. Nap time is always "You've Got a Friend". Bedtime used to be "Sweet Baby James", but now Friday is the one night a week Jav reads to him and gets him to sleep. And in a strange twist, every Friday night Gabriel now wants to sing one of our Mass songs with Jav, something he's never asked me to sing. It's an Alleluia that we sing every week, and we noticed Gabriel was singing along sometime this summer.

I tried to sing Saturday songs on Saturday, with "Saturday in the Park" before nap. But it's a really hard song to sing and I always mess it up, so I stopped. Now I sing Sweet Baby James instead. Saturday night's song is always "Looking for the Heart of Saturday Night", a Tom Waits song that Shawn Colvin covers on my CD. This is another really good luller-to-sleep. I didn't think Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" was a good bedtime choice.

And every night after I sing the featured song, I sing two more quick ones. One is a Laurie Berkner lullaby that she wrote for her new baby, Nona, that is just so sweet. I just change the name, and here are the words:

Gabriel, Gabriel here's your song.

Gabriel, Gabriel all night long.

Gabriel, Gabriel rocking chair.

Hold you close and take you there.

Gabriel, Gabriel time for bed.

Gabriel, Gabriel sleepyhead.

Gabriel, Gabriel know it's true..

Now and always I love you.

I love you.

So simple, but so very wonderful.

And I top off our night with a song my Mom sang to me, "All Through The Night", an old Irish lullaby: (I only sing this first verse, even though there are two more)

Sleep my child and peace attend thee, all through the night.

Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night.

Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping

I my loved ones' watch am keeping, all through the night.

And that about does it for this post. Good night!

Who's to blame?

Up until this week, I had been getting more and more concerned about the H1N1 vaccine, and my inability to get any. All I hear on everybody's list of at-risk groups is pregnant women, pregnant women and more pregnant women. But I just have kept chugging along, thinking that if we've made it this far, maybe we can make it until the baby comes without incident.

But then Gabriel got sick Wednesday night. To be more specific, he started projectile vomiting in the bathtub. He had been absolutely fine up until that moment. And since he's only vomited once before in his short life, it totally freaked him out. Jav got him cleaned up and calmed down about the time he started again. And on top of my fear for him and wanting to comfort him and make him feel better, I started to feel another emotion that I couldn't quite pinpoint until later when everything had quieted down. It was anger.

What is up with the way the State of Texas is handling this crisis? Or is it their fault at all? We were last on the list of states on the ratio of population to vaccines made available, but now have moved up the list 4 or 5 states. Big woo hoo. Tarrant County has had one clinic, last Friday, for pregnant women and at-risk children where they had 3000 vaccines available. That is laughable and I refused to fight the crazies and stand in line for one (my OB/GYN totally agreed with my reasoning). Although I did hear that they actually had some left after turning people away all day long. I just don't have the energy to stand in line who knows how long with a bunch of people who might be sick already. What is causing all these delays?

Gabriel, it turns out, has a stomach virus. A doozy of one that's making the rounds, according to our pediatrician. He stopped throwing up that first night around midnight, but we were worried about dehydration and woke him up every couple of hours to take his temperature and make him drink gatorade. His fever has never gone over 102 and was down to 99.1 this morning. The nurse had said to keep an eye on him for signs of congestion or coughing, because that would probably mean he has the flu. He didn't ever show either of those, but kept sneezing and sounded stopped up all day. But then last night he seemed back to almost his normal self, and we stopped worrying so much. He slept through the night like a rock. Our fear returned this morning due to his listlessness and the fact that he kept wanting me to hold him. At one point I walked into the living room and he was laying on the floor facing AWAY from the TV just staring into space with his little hollowed out eyes. I immediately called and said we wanted to come in today, and Jav's boss let him come home to take him so I wouldn't have to risk the waiting room full of sick kids.

Having to decide about whether or not to take Gabriel to the doctor was a no-brainer. Having to make the call between what could be worse - Jav losing good favor with his new boss, or me risk getting the flu was a horrible decision to have to make, and one we shouldn't have to be making at this stage. Gabriel, who is slowly making his way down the road to recovery, (it's supposed to take 3 or 4 days to move through your system before it goes away), got a nasal dose of the H1N1 vaccine today But he has to go back in a month to have another one. I'm very glad he's started the process, at least, but I'm still afraid for both of us. I feel like our well being is relying on a bunch of bureaucrats sitting in a government office somewhere, and that's a very frustrating feeling.

Post-Halloween post

This is Gus. He was the most popular attraction of (and newest addition to) our Halloween decorations this year.

This is Stuey, short for Stuart. We felt bad for him because it rained on him almost the entire time he was on display. He was probably happy to get back into his dry box and head to the attic for another year.

I bought some dress up hats a couple of days before Halloween, hoping to go back the day after and find full costumes on sale. I didn't make it, but Gabriel still loves his hats.

This may be one of my favorite pics of him of all time. He looks like a goofy cowboy from an old Hollywood western.

So who looks better in the hat?

I just had to say a few more words about how much fun we had this Halloween season. Gabriel especially. He still turns to me every couple of hours and says with a very dramatically sad voice, "Halloween is over". I posted his costume pictures while he was out trick or treating with Jav, and they ended up going to a different street on our neighborhood for the annual Haunted House that a couple puts together every year. I knew it was extremely popular with our residents, but we wondered if Gabriel was ready for that many "scary guys" to pop out at him. Well, it turns out they do a bang-up job, Jav said, and when they realize it's a younger child going through, all the bigger people stay still while he or she is making his way through. But a couple of things still popped out, like a big fake bat that dive bombed them from nowhere. He's still talking about that too. He never cried or wanted to turn back, just held onto Daddy a little tighter. The other great thing was that most of the houses surrounding the haunted house also do Halloween in a big way, so he got to do some old-fashioned trick or treating. By the end of his journey he was an old pro. I was actually a little sad, too, when we boxed up all of our decorations Sunday.

Happy Halloween!

At the last minute he decided he wanted scary black hair, but it was too late.

A close-up of my less than stellar attempt at being a makeup artist.

If I had donned an orange t-shirt I could have been mistaken for the Great Pumpkin this year.

With proud Mamaw and Poppy.

With very frightened Tito. (This is my favorite one).

Crazy for scary guys

Gabriel is mad in love with Halloween this year.

I think it all started when we were at the grocery store and they had put up an animated witch and skeleton to lure people into the Halloween section of the store. The witch worked from the get-go, but we could never get the skeleton to do anything. So every time we had to go shop, he wanted to see the witch. It's probably the only way I have been able to get him excited about going shopping. Then we visited the Target display one day where they had several sizes of animated skeletons, including one he figured out how to run himself, and he has been hooked ever since. We took a trip to the temporary Halloween store that sets up in an empty store front to add to our decorations this year, and he spent the entire time going from one ghoulish creature to the next with his mouth hanging open. Some of these were really frightening and I kept thinking he would show some sign of fear, but no. He calls it the "Scary Guy Store", and I've promised him another trip there next week when Daddy will be out of town all week.

Then we put up our decorations, and it has now become an evening ritual to go out and plug in our lights once it's dark. We also turn on "Gus", our new and really scary animated skeleton, for a little while since the rest of the day he spends hanging in our garage. We fear that someone might steal him if we leave him out all day and night, so he's only up while the lights are on during the evening. As soon as it's dark, Gabriel starts asking if we can wake up Gus and turn on the lights.

He's been wanting me to buy a pumpkin but I told him we should probably wait and go to a pumpkin patch with Daddy. In all honesty, I wasn't even going to get one this year because we don't have any place to put one on our porch that can be seen from the street, and I hate throwing them away every year. It just seems so wasteful. I didn't think he'd even remember, but he's asked about it every day and I finally remembered to tell Jav that we need to go pick one out. Today we are heading to Chico, Texas for my friend Cobra's memorial service, and we're hoping to spot a Farmer's Market or something along the way. I actually think he's into all of this enough to enjoy carving a Jack O'Lantern this year.

He has two Halloween books that I had put up with the decorations, and he wants to read one or both or them every night before bedtime. He's also been asking me to have a Halloween party. One of my biggest dreams in life is to throw a huge Halloween party one day, so I tell him that one day we will have one. I mean going all out with decorations inside and out, and scary food and music. But this isn't the year for it! I keep him happy by telling him that they will have a Halloween party at school next week, and he gets to wear his Halloween t-shirts all week (they don't want them in costumes at school until they're out of diapers and I can't really blame them!) And then, of course, the ultimate prize: trick or treating in his new skeleton costume Saturday.

It amazes me how much more he's understanding about everything these days, but especially this. Although Jav points out that this is my favorite holiday and time of year, so he probably picks up on that and has run with it! To be honest, I can't wait to take him to a haunted house (several years down the road, of course), but in the meantime I am looking forward to that trip to the Scary Guy Store just as much as he is!

The good, bad and ugly of pregnancy

When I found out I was pregnant again, and made it past the "scary" time, I told myself that I would really try to enjoy this pregnancy - seeing that it will be my last. Those first four and a half months were so rough, though, between worrying about what might go wrong and being nauseous all day after 2 pm, every day. Once I started feeling a little better, I did start to really enjoy it for about three months. The baby started moving, which really is a miraculous feeling. To know that my child is growing inside of me is something that moves me so profoundly that I really can't stop to think about it too hard or I wouldn't be able to go about my day.

When I hit around eight months, I started to hurt more, especially my legs. I know I've gained more weight than I should have, even though I haven't gained any more than I did with Gabriel (YET). But this big guy seems heavier than Gabriel ever did. And I was working with Gabriel, which meant I could sit and put my feet up more all day long. The constant being on my feet has really taken a toll on me, especially at night when my legs get stiff from not getting enough blood flow. I can barely walk when I get up and have to stand for awhile to make sure my legs will work. Then I started having these really bad back spasms when I stood still for any length of time (like to cook or do the dishes). That seems to be better now, and we're thinking it might have been related to the 100% humidity that we had during that time. I was still walking Molly up until a few weeks ago, but then I had a really bad walk one day where it felt like all of my belly ligaments were starting to sag and I ended up having to actually hold my belly with one hand while I slowly made my way home. So walks are done for now, which makes both me and Molly sad.

One of the hardest things about this physically has been not being able to play with Gabriel like I want to. He's so much more mature and never stops moving now. I feel like all I do all day is tell him "Mommy can't get on the floor anymore", "Mommy can't run right now", "Mommy can't jump", "Mommy needs to sit down and rest". He's probably ready to trade me in for a newer, funner model at this point! But he has been really sweet about it, and loves to kiss my tummy to say hi to the baby. I'll have one especially sweet memory after his nap one day. Gabriel woke up crying from having a bad dream, so I took him to the rocker and held him. The baby got hiccups and Gabriel happened to be laying right where he could feel them, which he thought was pretty funny, and I thought was wonderful.

There are things emotionally going on too, like thinking too much about what it will be like after the baby is here. Will I be too tired all the time to be a good, fun Mom like I want to be? Will I be cranky and snappy all the time? Will I be able to lose all of this weight? Is trying to breast feed going to stress me out so bad that I can't enjoy either of my kids? (I did not have a good experience with Gabriel, so really want to try again with this one). Obviously, living in the present would be a better idea since I can have no way of knowing any of these things.

One of the most surprising emotions that has hit me recently is a sadness about the relationship between Gabriel and I. I know it will change forever when the baby comes, and I feel sometimes like just holding onto him and trying to spend as much time as I can with him before that happens. It's not that I think we don't have enough love for two kids, it's just this melancholy and nostalgic feeling that I haven't quite had enough time with just Gabriel. This was a feeling I never expected to have. And I think I'm even empathetic about how he's going to feel to have to share us with another kid. But my sensible and wonderful husband says to just think about the fact that we are giving him a brother, and how much happiness we hope that will bring him one day. That does make it better.

I'm getting excited about meeting this new little guy. I wonder who he will look like, will he have lots of hair (Gabriel didn't), will his personality be similar or completely opposite of Gabriel's. Fun stuff to be thinking about, and sometimes I still have to pinch myself that this is really happening. So despite all of the physical and emotional toll this seems to be taking on me, I still think that being pregnant is the best feeling in the whole world.

Annual Halloween decorating

This will be the annual shot where we get to compare how much he's grown since last year.

Daddy's little helper bee.

Not a Halloween pic, but I love this picture.

Gabriel is really into Halloween this year. He loves the big, animated characters, which he references as "scary guys". He could spend hours at the Halloween store just going from one to the other. I had thought maybe he could be a fireman or something this year, but he wanted to be a skeleton. So we are letting him wear the body part but ditching the mask, mostly because it freaks him out but partly because you can't tell it's him at all. I got a face painting kit and we'll see if my creative side kicks in when it's crunch time. We have a fun ritual every night now of going out, plugging in the lights and hanging up Gus, our resident scary guy that we keep in the garage so he won't get stolen. It amazes me that he has no fear whatsoever. Such a boy.

I'm so lucky. No I mean REALLY lucky.

Today is my wonderful hubby's birthday. I will start off this post by saying that the ONLY bad thing about marrying someone as truly thoughtful as Jav is that it becomes way too easy to take him for granted when we are in the swing of this crazy thing called life.

But it hits me in little details throughout my days and evenings how much I love him and why.

He has the patience of Job and never lets my frenetic impulsiveness or moods disturb his calmness. He puts up with my Type A personality with something I can only call amusement, which seems to totally work for us.

He never complains about anything. If I give him extra honey-do's on the weekend (which is usually already packed full of things he is trying to get done), he just tries to get them done with no protest.

He is a hopeless romantic and isn't afraid to cry when his emotions get the best of him, something I think makes a man somehow more manlier.

I have as much fun watching old movies with him as I do watching baseball playoffs. We recently took four nights to watch Dr. Zhivago, which I had seen twice but he had never seen. I came away from it with a much deeper perspective sitting there watching it with someone I love.

He has the best laugh I've ever heard, and he uses it often. And he makes me laugh.

He makes sure to talk with his Mom almost every day.

He is a terrific Dad, and one that I know will be the best role model I could hope for. And as an extra bonus, he's warm and loving, and really gets into being a parent. He is involved just as much as I am, even with the messier parts of parenting.

He'll eat just about anything I put in front of him, and even if he doesn't really like it will say it was "interesting".

No matter what we little mundane things we are doing or what errands we are running, during any given second of every day, I love being with him.

Happy Birthday Honey!