We had a hard, hard summer. Jav's dad went into the hospital, then rehab, then nursing care within a month starting in May. We had Sandra's wedding, a joyful event, but bittersweet when we realized that her dad really did not grasp what was going on. Then my mom went into the hospital with heart issues for four days. Then Jav's mom went to the ER because of digestive issues that have been plaguing her for years.
We went into full crisis mode. I scrambled to find babysitting for the boys so I could still get some hours in at work. Jav and his sister took turns visiting their dad every night for dinner until he went to bed. They explained to him where their mom was, but he would forget, or perhaps even not believe them. She spent two weeks in the hospital after having major surgery to have part of her intestine and her appendix removed. It took a week to determine if her digestive system was working well. It was something that will improve her quality of life immensely, but it came at such a bad time.
We visited with Jav's dad just before we left for our Galveston trip and just before she returned home. I was shocked at how thin he had become since Sandra's wedding. He was very bitter, and looked so confused and angry. It broke my heart to see him, and bothered Gabriel so much we decided we couldn't let him visit unless we knew he was having a good day. We went on our trip and had a fantastic time. I think it was an understatement to say that we needed to get away for some fun and laughs with the boys. We got back late Sunday afternoon, and started the post-trip drudgery of unpacking, tackling mounds of laundry, running to the store to get by until a big grocery trip, etc... He knew Sandra was expecting to take care of his dad Sunday night, so decided not to visit.
We got a call early Monday morning that his dad had gone to the hospital, but they didn't say why. I guess in retrospect we should have known what was coming, but we didn't. He called around 9 to let me know his father, Celestino, had passed away in his sleep sometime early Monday morning. Even though we knew it was coming, it was still a shock that it came so quickly. And with so much guilt and "wish we could have done this or that" surrounding us. His mother took it the hardest, of course, She had only had the strength to visit him one time since getting home from the hospital. I'm sure it shocked and saddened her when she saw him, and was too much for a 77-year-old recovering from such major surgery. Everyone has said, "It's just one of those things that coudn't be helped...". And this is always followed by, "...and it is so very, very sad."
Yes it is. He was a wonderful mixture of old school and modern thinking. He had stories of growing up on a farm and being so proud not when he got his first car, but when he got a horse of his very own. He came to America to work and earn money for he and his new bride, Consuelo. But something about America grew on him. He brought her here, with a promise of going back and starting a family after he worked for a few years. Then Javier, then his sister, came along and Tino decided he wanted a better life for his kids. This was way back before so many Mexican nationals were brave enough to do it. He and Consuelo became U.S. citizens while retaining their Mexican citizenship. He worked hard to send his kids through Catholic school. He earned lasting respect from many Nolan students during the years he coached their baseball team. But he also made sure his kids spent summers in Monterrey, so they would understand where they came from and carry on some of the culture. I have such respect for what he and Consuelo accomplished here, away from large familial support and surrounded by mosty white families. They carved out a life, like pioneers staking their claim, and sent both kids to college. It still blows my mind.
Tino was a stern but loving father, and was quite intimidating the first few times I was around him. But as soon as we were married, and I mean the night of the wedding, he started calling me "Mija", just as he did Sandra. It moved me and made me feel so welcome to be a part of their family. He always had a great story, he loved meeting and talking to all kinds of different people. And when the time came he was a fun and doting grandfather. It breaks my heart to think that the boys might not remember him. I was 8 when I lost my grandfather, and have some specific memories that I carry with me, but most of it is very vague and blurry. I think that is how Gabriel's memories will be. Joel may not remember him at all. So it will be up to us to explain, show pictures, tell stories and paint a picture of the wonderful person his Tito was. Although we wish we had more to tell him. Why is it such human nature to halfway listen to the stories, or tune out when we think we've heard them before? Only to berate ourselves for not soaking up every word once the person is gone and the stories have ended. But we will try.
Even though it is a bit of a relief to know he isn't so upset, angry and confused any longer, I miss him terribly.
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