Makes perfect sense.

I'm trying to teach Gabriel the days of the week. So today during breakfast this was our conversation:

Me: "What day is today?"

Him: (I thought he said) "Monday"

Me: "Good! And what day comes after Monday?"

Him: "Tuesday".

Me: "Excellent! Then what's next?"

Him: "Threesday."

And I realize that he's actually been saying "Oneday" instead of Monday all along.

I love that kid.

Signs

Gabriel had a library book about two months ago that was full of traffic signs. I never noticed how many of them were around us while driving until he started pointing them out to me. Leave it to a child to see things that we grownups take for granted. He had so much fun finding them and trying to figure out what they meant. This was the only sign in our neighborhood that was not in the book. And below that picture is why we have that sign. Our little neighborhood duck pond is so pretty, but I hate it when it gets really dry like it is now. I worry about our ducks, fully knowing that they don't really belong to me. I hope we get some rain soon!

First week of summer

So much to write about, so little time!

Joel is all about kicking his strong little legs. He does it when he's happy, when he's excited, when something is funny, and when he's tired. It already cracked us up, but then tonight he was sitting in his new jumper that I put together this week (go me!), and he did it standing up. When you combine those crazy legs with his intense stare of concentration and cartoonish classical music, you get full-blown hysterical. I thought I was going to lose my dinner I was laughing so hard. He had his six-month checkup last week. He's 21 pounds even and 28-1/2" long. The directions for the jumper say the baby can't be more than 30" tall, but I think he'll hit that well before he turns a year old. They don't make baby stuff for plus-size babies. Discrimination!

While at my gyn. office, I got really sad thinking about the fact that I will never be pregnant again. I know it's just plain greedy after receiving these two gifts, but I just can't help it. If we'd gotten started sooner I probably would have wanted at least one more, maybe even more. But I'm not quite crazy enough to act on this. My almost-43-year-old body probably couldn't take another one, to say nothing of the risks at our age and with our history. Sigh.

On to happier subjects! Gabriel has taken to peeing in the potty like a duck to water. He's letting us know when he has to go, stays dry all day, and he's gone at several places besides home and been totally comfortable doing it. I'm blown away by how great he's doing. We'll work on the other area. Bribes really seem to work with him, and he really wants us to get Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for him to watch (he found my old Rudolph book in a big box the other day and hasn't stopped talking about it).

Gabriel and I had a mid-week zoo trip, and the weather was surprisingly pleasant. It was supposed to rain that morning, and the temperature was around 85 or so. We explored the new Museum of Living Art (the new herpetarium), and it is truly incredible. The funniest thing that happened was in the Bug and Spider Room. Gabriel had been oohing and aahing at all sorts of snakes and lizards up to that point with no fear whatsoever. But when he got a look at the tarantula, he said, "Put me down. Put me down. I don't wike it." He ran in to tell me while I was making lunch yesterday that there was a tarantula in Joel's room. It was a little black spider no bigger than a nickel. Anyway, we also rode the carousel (which I'm wondering if it's the original one we used to ride as kids) and found the rather cheesy petting zoo, with one guinea hog, seven chickens and two goats to pet. We also found the penguin house and the kangaroos. We only stayed an hour and 45 min. and had a fantastic time. The only complaint I have about the herpetarium is that they got rid of the aquarium and the sea lions, which were always really fun to see. I also loved that big underwater room you could go down into and see all the fish swimming around. They have several see-through walls with fish and turtles, and even huge crocodiles, though, to make up for it. The komodo dragon exhibit is really cool too.

And I am working on the project of cleaning/fixing up our back porch. I figure we are going to spend tons of time out there this summer and I want to make it more inviting. We need to clean up Gabriel toys and get a "toy box" (heavy duty plastic box) to put them in. I want to add several units of storage drawers to put things like bug spray, suntan oil, and all the things I'm constantly running back inside to grab. We're getting Jav a small charcoal grill for Father's Day, which he already knows about because I had asked for it for my birthday but he really wanted one too. We are eventually going to get a wheelbarrow cover or tarp so that we can get it off the porch and I can store my potting soil, mulch, etc.. in it. We need to get some lawn chair covers too and get them off the porch. We only have two chairs with our table right now and I'd like to add two more. I want some pillows for the porch swing, some funky lights to hang, and some citronella candles and tiki torches to combat the mosquitos. And finally (this is down the road, at least next year), it would be cool to get a small dorm room refrigerator to have cold drinks available out there (another thing I'm constantly going back inside to get).

This will take all summer to get it right and spread out the costs, but I will be patient. We got the toy box today, so I'll start by cleaning up Gabriel's toys tomorrow and getting them stored away. I love getting organized!

Monumental day

Gabriel around 7 or 8 months old.

Wow. Yesterday was quite a day. I spent the whole second half of the day fretting about the dog's poop and trying to get Gabriel to pee in the potty chair, which he did several times before Jav got home.

Molly has had what we'll just call tummy issues for about two weeks. At first we just assumed she had eaten something crazy that messed her up for awhile. But when we realized it still wasn't better I called the vet. He suggested taking her off food completely for 24 hours (which was awful). Then the next day she got 1/4 of what she usually eats, then 1/2, etc... I was really concerned that something serious was wrong with her since this has never gone on for so long before. But finally, yesterday afternoon, (and an hour after I had called the vet to see why she still hadn't gone), all was better and seemingly back to normal. So now we realize our original diagnosis was correct: She ate something crazy. She's such a hound. But I sure am glad she's back to being a healthy hound!

After trying to be pretty laissez-faire about potty training for the past two months or so, (Mr. Metcalf would be so proud of me for the proper use of that term!), we decided it was time to get a little more pushy about things. It's now becoming a hinderance. I was going to sign Gabriel up for his first soccer class at the Hurst Rec Center, but they only take potty trained kids. So Jav and I came up with a strategy of telling him, "you have 5 more days with diapers. Then they're going away." Plus we got him a really neat toy that he could play with for a short time every time he used the potty chair. He found a mobile crane at Target that he just fell in love with, and off we went. We weren't supposed to start until Saturday, but he woke from his nap wanting to try. He was successful (for the first time, ever) around 6pm last night. I tried to call Jav but couldn't get ahold of him. He called on the way home and congratulated him like crazy. After that we took him every 20 minutes or so to try.

Today has gone well, although we're continuing the bribes for now. Gabriel got bored with the crane at some point this morning and asked for a diaper. So we had to come up with a continual "prize" strategy. He's gotten a new puzzle, an Elmo potty book, and a whole bunch of matchbox trucks, buses, motorcycles, etc.. And he got a chocolate cupcake with pink frosting after dinner tonight. He goes in every 10 minutes to see if he can go enough to extract a prize from the prize cabinet. Tomorrow we'll try to back off of the bribes a bit and see what happens. I'm truly amazed at how well it's gone, although it has been exhausting. But he's made great strides and hopefully is building his confidence every time he goes. We'll see.

Now if Joel starts crawling tomorrow we will have ourselves one humdinger of a weekend. I'm just joking, really. We already have. I'm just bursting with happiness because my Molly girl is better, and of course for what Gabriel's done.

Charlie

We have a new semi-pet. He is a crow. He is perhaps the biggest, most badass crow I've ever witnessed. And he has taken residence up in our yard because of our birdbath. He has claimed that birdbath for his very own. He guards it. He drinks from it all day long. And he dunks whatever he has decided to eat in it. Every day. We started seeing him every single time we went outside or left the house, or came back home. So we named him. Gabriel now says bye to him along with our other pets whenever we go somewhere.

One day there were pecan shells left in the water. Not so bad. One day there was a big wadded up piece of bread. One day there was the remains of a snake. No kidding. But the worst was the day I had to refill the water because Jav was out of town. There, lying in the very disgusting water, was a leg bone of something. I tried to convince myself maybe it was a rib leftover from someone's cookout. But this was just ridiculous, as it took up the entire diameter of the birdbath. Yuck.

Crows are pretty darn smart, we also have determined. Or at least Charlie is. One early morning as I left for a walk with Joel and Molly he came swooping down over my head and landed on a low branch and just stared me down. He was letting me know that I needed to change the water, which I had forgotten to do the day before. Jav said he did the same thing to him a few evenings before when he left for his run.

I haven't been able to get a good picture of Charlie. He's too quick for me. These really don't do him justice, so I'll keep trying. And even though I don't like the fact that he's not letting other birds drink from the birdbath (luckily we have some smaller water holders nearby), I still find the whole thing kind of cool. It's like we have The Discovery Channel on live right outside our window.

Perfect day

Gabriel's never really liked swinging, and he kept saying he was going to fall out of the tire swing.

Check out those thighs! (Luckily mine are hidden in this picture!)

I love this picture of my guys.

We stay so busy with our families that it is rare for us to have a "just the four of us" family day. So I think from now on, we will reserve Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day to be our Family Fun days, where we just do whatever we feel like and don't make any plans ahead of time with anyone.

Today, we started off with a trip to the donut shop, something we only do about twice a year. Then we took the boys to our favorite park in Arlington. There's tons of things to do and the entire playground area is shaded. Gabriel played himself silly while I just sat with Joel and let him take it all in. Jav held him and swung (is that right) for awhile. Then we went back to the car so Gabriel could practice pedaling his tricycle in one of the shady spots. He's starting to finally get a little better at it.

We went home to have lunch and then we ALL took naps, something that also rarely happens. It was wonderful! Then we headed out to Marble Slab for some late afternoon ice cream. Who cared if it was just before dinner? We didn't!!! We stopped at Lowe's for a few things for the house. Then had burgers and fries for dinner.

The kids are asleep, we're beat, but it's a good tired!

And I have to comment on our beautiful flag from the Lion's Club. We pay an annual fee for them to put one in our yard on five holidays. Many homes in our neighborhood have them, and it looks so pretty to see them lined up along the street. It's also a good way for us to remember, and begin to explain to Gabriel, what this holiday really means.

Covers

Wednesday songs are Old School Country and Cowboy Songs. I was singing the song below to Joel (the original version) and remembered this really cool version by David Byrne that came out on an album called Red, Hot and Blue. The whole thing is great, with various artists (Thompson Twins, k.d. lang, Annie Lennox) covering Cole Porter songs, and back when it came out all the proceeds went towards AIDS research. This is the best song on the album, though. I love the drum beat!

One reason I love having boys

You get to have funny conversations about penises.

During our zoo trip we stopped in one of the restrooms and as I was taking a seat Gabriel yelled out, "Mama you have a penis!" But I think he really meant it in the form of a question. That's just not how it came out. So I explained to him that "no, I do not have a penis. Boys have penises. Girls do not." I'm sure the other zoo patrons in the bathroom found this enlightening.

So after his nap a few days later, we had this conversation:

"Mama, you don't have a penis."

"No I don't. We found that out at the zoo the other day, didn't we?"

After thinking about this for a long time and apparently forgetting about our bathroom conversation, he said, "But animals don't have penises."

And I said, "Yes, many of the boy animals do. Certain animals, like maybe fish, might not. But boy elephants and boy monkeys do.

He thought long and hard again and said, "No they don't. They have tails."

"Well, they might have both a tail and a penis."

"Oh." At which point his brain was about to explode if he thought about it any longer, so he ran off to play.

Zoo!

Gabriel and I recently became members of the Fort Worth Zoo, something I've wanted to do for a long time. I've wanted to take him back to the zoo for a year and half, but pregnancy and then Joel put our plans on hold for a little while. We finally had our zoo day last Wednesday and we had so much fun. I am trying to do some "Gabriel and Mama only" trips this summer and the zoo will be a big player. The memberships will pay for themselves after three or four trips. We are going to go with Joel Tuesday if Joel's cough gets better by then.

We're so lucky to have such a fantastic zoo in our city!

House

Our dining room. We bought ourselves the mirror (way on sale) for our anniversary this

year. Now if we could just get it hung.

Our Welsh kitchen dresser, which I use as a mini buffet. I would love to get rid of the wallpaper.

One of two oversized chairs that don't work in our house. This one is especially bad because the cats decided early on to use it as an additional scratch post.

I have learned (a little too late for this house), that after moving into a new home, you really should live there about a year before buying any furniture or making any kind of design decisions. It takes about that long to get to know a house. To get the flow, the nuances, understand where the best walkways are, and where the best places to put certain pieces of furniture are. We made the mistake of buying chairs waaaaaaayyyyyyyy before this milestone was reached, and I have regretted it ever since. The rooms in our house are not that big, and we bought oversized chairs that just don't fit well in the room. We also purchased a square dining room table. I love it, but we really should have bought a rectangular one in order for our Welsh kitchen dresser and antique buffet to fit in our dining room. I already owned a gigantic four poster queen size bed before I met Jav, and it is too big for our bedroom.

So there are many things that need changing about our furniture. We are in the process of trying to decide if we want to make our front bedroom the master, the middle bedroom a playroom/office and thereby move both boys into what's now our room in the back of the house. This would mean moving closets too, and I'm not sure I have the energy for that right now. We really will need some extra room one day, especially when Gabriel wants his own room again. We could add on to the back bedroom going into the backyard. We might be able to add-on with a second story. I'd love to screen in what is now the back porch and build a deck around it. But with me staying home, none of this will happen for a pretty long time. And sometimes I feel like our decor is a little garage sale-like. Which always makes me think of When Harry Met Sally and the Roy Rogers garage sale wagon wheel coffee table. Hee hee.

When I ran all of this by Jav he said, in typical male thought process, "Why don't we just move to a bigger house?" Well, money is the first answer. But the second one is that I love this house, at least most of it. It would be so great to have an extra room for guests or an office, or preferably both. We both HATE our master bath and want to have it completely ripped out and redone at some point. The kitchen could be a bit bigger too. But I love the living and dining area and the yard. So do we pour money into it, knowing that we will probably not get that investment back if we ever sell? Or do we just move?

Our color scheme is a bit wacky too. The people who lived here before us had the walls of the main living area and hallway textured and painted. There's brown, kind of a mustard color, and an unusual yellow. It sounds horrible, but it actually all works really well together. Even so, one of our problems is that there's just too much going on with all of those colors. Especially when we get down to my furniture color scheme. I've always loved the movie Home Alone and coveted Kevin's house. Every room has some form of green and red to add to the Christmas spirit of the movie. Without even realizing it, I already have a red and green color scheme running through this house. (Not bright red and bright green, but subtler shades of each). The living room has a green rug and a burgundy chair. The kitchen has burgundy and green in the wallpaper border, and so does the Master bedroom. I'm not too jazzed about keeping the borders long-term, but they'll do for now. The quilt on our bed is red and Molly's bed is green. We painted the playroom an apple green, and want to go back and paint the baseboards and trim some shade of red. This all seems to work in my head, but I know we need to remove some of those colors from the wall for it to really work.

Oh well, it all gives me something to think about in my spare time. Ha.

First and last day of school

Gabriel's last day of preschool was today. He'll be in the 3-year-old class next Fall, with two completely new teachers. This year his lead teacher, Ms. Amy, had been his assistant teacher the year before, so the transition was really easy. Plus many of the kids were in his class last year too. Next year, so far only one boy, Luke (we all call him Lukey-Luke) will be in his class. Everyone else moved to three days a week. But that's cool because he and Lukey-Luke have become pretty good friends. I plan to have Luke, his Mom, and his baby brother over for a play date during the summer. She had Will two weeks almost to the hour after I had Joel. Every time we showed up to pick up the boys Ms. Dawn, his assistant teacher, said, "Here come the babies!"

Gabriel has really matured in many ways, even though he still has babyish moments. I really think they do a great job with the kids at this preschool. We are debating about whether or not to send Gabriel to this school up until he goes to kindergarten or switch him over to his private school for Pre-K. I'm glad we have some time to think about it still.

Ms. Amy and Ms. Dawn wrote on their goodbye note today that the thing they'll miss most about Gabriel is hearing him sing. That made me cry.

Posting gap

Aunt April with Joel. He actually fell asleep a few minutes after this was taken.

I'm really trying to get better about posting, but the past two weekends and in between have been crazy.

We had our six year anniversary on the 8th. We went out for a nice long dinner at Lily's Bistro on Magnolia. GREAT food and reasonable prices. It had a very European sidewalk cafe feel about it, Jav and I both agreed. Then Mother's Day was the 9th. Jav and Gabriel went to Mass with Jav's Mom, while I staged a slight protest about having to get up early and rush around on Mother's Day and stayed home with Joel. In fact, I was moving so slowly that I made us late for Esperanza's for lunch and we had to wait in a ginormous line. I felt pretty bad. But it was really fun once we got seated, and they always have great food.

Then during the week Gabriel got sick again. It was kind of a relapse from his earlier congestion and cough, but the cough was much worse this time. He couldn't sleep, and spent a night with Mommy again. He finally was able to settle down and stop coughing around 3 or so. We were both wrecks the next day! We decided to take him to the doctor again, and ended up seeing a doctor in our group that had once seen my brother as a baby! Dr. Scroggie has to be getting close to retiring, but he's still going strong and is SOOOOO wonderful with Gabriel when we've had to go to him. And God bless him, he gave us an antibiotic this time. I'm not thrilled about how often Gabriel is having to take them, but he's been sick pretty steadily for over two months now, and I think he needed some help to kick this.

We had a Baptism class for Joel Thursday night, which I think is a crazy time to have a class for people with infants. We took separate cars in case Joel started to have a meltdown. 7-9 is supposed to be bath and bedtime, not "here's a roomful of strangers and please don't make a fuss" time. I thought there might be a quiet corner where I could feed him during the class if needed, but they had 30 people show up, the largest turnout they'd ever had! So I missed part of the video they show while in the bathroom feeding him, and he still wanted his cereal, so I took him home after the tour of the font. It's not like we haven't done this before, people! We learned that our new priest favors the total immersion approach, where the baby goes in back first and doesn't get his face wet, but the rest of him gets doused. At first this seemed to be going overboard to me, but then we figured that he will probably cry either way, so why not? This is horrible to say, but Jav thinks people like the spectacle of the baby that freaks out as opposed to one who stays quiet during the whole ceremony (kind of like how people go to a Nascar race just to see the wrecks). It wakes everybody up.

I spent most of the week and all day Saturday cleaning my house, inside and out. My side of the family came for lunch yesterday, and it was the first time we've had them over since Gabriel's birthday last September. So it was the first time my house has been that clean since then, too! It was a good dry run for my Book Club meeting next month. I had a sudden burst of energy to clean after I took Bones to the vet Thursday morning. He had been acting like his back around his tail was hurt or something, and his hair had gotten a bit thinner there. Well, the vet found two fleas crawling on him! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I kicked into panic whirlwind vacuuming and laundry mode, with a staging area for every piece of bedding that he had come in contact with for the past week. It took me two days just to wash everything. So far I think we've avoided disaster, only because Bones is so sensitive and completely freaked out as a warning. And I love having the house this clean. I feel like I deserve a week off from cleaning now.

We had a great day yesterday. It was supposed to rain, but luckily had cleared off by the time everybody arrived. We had baked spaghetti, garlic bread and a big salad. And for some reason I was craving Italian Cream Cake for dessert. Simple, but delicious. We had to get the two leaves out for our dining room table for the first time since we bought it. We are a larger family unit now with my uncle living in town, and three out of four cousins sitting at the table now. Once Joel gets old enough for a regular chair we'll have to buy an extra, since we are eleven total. How wonderful is that? I think when we bought the table we never thought that we'd fill it up, let alone need an extra space. We have some major things going on with Cade right now that I don't want to post about yet, and it was so nice to hug both he and Macy, even though I don't get to see them much when we host everybody. I love my niece and nephew soooooooo much!!! And Gabriel set up a lookout post in front of the picture window around 11:00 and couldn't be convinced to come down until they showed up.

Joel is maturing so fast. He is sitting in a high chair now during meals and loves being up off the floor level. He little hands are grabbing at everything, and he's doing this funny lunge for things when he really has to concentrate. The interaction between the brothers is getting so cute. It's almost like Joel finally realized that this bigger whirl of energy that comes at his face all the time is his brother, and now looks forward to seeing him.

I figured out one of the wonderful things about having a baby around as opposed to an older child is the way they look at their mother with just so much love. From morning until night, his little face just lights up every single time he sees me. It's something that Gabriel doesn't do as much now, and I hadn't realized I missed it.

Ok, I am caught up on all of our happenings and ready to move on to other topics.

Walking

I love to walk. I got hooked over 15 years ago when I realized that it it the easiest way to exercise. No driving to the gym, no fancy equipment. Just some good shoes and that's it. I started out walking on tracks with my buddy at the time, Tracy. She was a true power walker, and we were just after the fitness aspect of it back then.

But as the years went by, I would try to walk wherever I happened to find myself. Campgrounds, around lakes, strange neighborhoods during out-of-town visits. One of my favorite places to walk was Fredericksburg. I would visit my grandmother for the weekend and get up really early to walk as the sun came up over the hills. That's where I fell in love with walking just to clear your head, or to enjoy being outdoors. I would check out everyone's yard and get gardening ideas. I would count how many different bird calls I could hear. I would just breathe. I discovered that walking is better therapy than anything you might pay for. And now, when I walk, worries may come up, but then I shake myself back to the here and now, and concentrate on making my legs move my body forward. And just breathe.

Dream gift

Joel and I went grocery shopping yesterday morning, as we do most Saturday or Sunday mornings now. I decided to see what was on the classical station for the drive over. One of my favorite pieces of music was on. Mozart's Sonata #12 in F, heard below. (This wasn't the pianist we heard, but this is a pretty good version).

My mom has an ancient Mozart piano book with a bunch of his sonatas in it, including this one. One day years ago I was just trying to play through some of them and I became hooked on this piece of music from the moment I started playing. I practiced it on and off whenever I had the chance at their house, because we don't have a piano. But I haven't played or thought about this piece for years now. As I was listening to it yesterday morning, I realized how much I miss playing these days. And it dawned on me how much I would love to have a piano in our house.

We bought an electronic keyboard for Gabriel for Christmas and he loves it. He loves to explore the different sounds and rhythms it can make. But he doesn't like for me to play it, and it's just not the same as playing a real piano, at least to me. I realize that I still wouldn't have much time to play it these days, but it would be so wonderful to just sit for a few minutes and just play away. I never realized what a gift my grandparents were giving me with the nine years of lessons until I became an adult. Now I wish I had practiced more, because even though I can read music, I never practiced back then didn't learn many of the technicalities. Which means I don't think I learned enough to actually teach piano to someone else. My nephew is dying to learn, and I'd love to teach Gabriel or Joel, or both, one day. I also wonder if teaching piano would have been a way to earn some extra money. But I'm just not that good.

I just wonder where on earth we would put a piano, anyway. But that's going into a whole 'nother post.

Small hands

Joel has discovered how things feel. He is moving his chubby little fingers over everything they come in contact with. He loves reaching up to our faces to feel them. Jav reminded me that Gabriel went though a stage where his little hand would open and close on our shoulders whenever we held him. I remembered him doing that alot when we took him to his first Ranger Game. Joel has learned to comfort himself, and even put himself to sleep, by opening and closing his hand on top of his head. I didn't even realize this was happening until I found tons of scratches on his head one day. I now make a point to trim his nails every week. The other night when he was having some tummy trouble that woke him up, I was rocking him and he reached his little hand up and started feeling my chin, ever so gently. So, so sweet!

He wants to roll over to his tummy every single time I put him on his back. Gone now are the days of putting him down for a few minutes on a bed while I run to start a load of laundry. He had an unfortunate experience of rolling off of his activity mat and onto our rug that needed a good vacuuming from all the shedded pet hair. When I got him turned over it looked like he had a beard! He had his first experience of bellying-over to a toy he wanted to play with yesterday, and it was a good four feet away from him. He's ready to move! And the more he moves, the more delighted his brother is to realize that this little lump that we brought home is actually going to be able to play with him one day.

The game they play right now is the "Stinky Feet" game. Gabriel will grab one of Joel's feet, sniff it, and then yell, "Pew wee!!!" And both of them laugh. I tried pointing out to Gabriel that Joel's feet smell waaaaayyyyy better than his since he never wears shoes (I refuse to put them on him until I have to). But Gabriel doesn't pay any attention to me and just keeps on having fun.

Fixable mistakes

I think I really messed up with Gabriel when we first brought Joel home. In my sleep-deprived and overwhelmed state, I think I expected him to grow up overnight. I expected him to stop arguing with me and start minding me, and basically stop being three years old just so that my life would be a little easier. I lost my patience with him all too quickly, and used my exasperated tone with him so much. And even yelled at him a good number of times. It took me a couple of months to realize that I was doing these things, and it's taken another couple of months to figure out why. It also dawned on me that every time we leave the house as a family, to go to Mass or run errands, that I grab Joel and Jav looks after Gabriel. It is amazing to me how much Joel has become almost like another appendage to me. Now I am trying to let Jav take Joel more while I take Gabriel for awhile.

I keep having a sensation that he is slipping away from me, that I am not tending to his three-year-old psyche somehow and it will change our relationship forever. When I mention even a hint of this to women who have been Moms for a long time, they always tell me that he will not remember any of this and to stop worrying so much. But I have been making a huge effort to try and be more patient and loving with him again, and to constantly remind myself that he is only three (and really acts more like two sometimes). This takes almost superhuman effort because my child was either born defiant and thinking he knows everything, or it's just a very long stage we're going through. But I think my efforts are paying off. I feel him coming back to me again. He hugs me more, and is talking to me more and wanting me to play with him again.

I had my teeth cleaned a few weeks ago, and my dental hygienist has two sons who are 16 and 19, the same age difference as mine. She said she realized that she was doing the same thing to her oldest when she brought her second son home, and she swears that it did change him forever. I have known her long enough now to know that she would never exaggerate about this. She said he never was as huggy and snuggly baby-like after that. And now she can't get him to show any affection to her at all, whereas the younger one is the exact opposite. It was a little unnerving to hear validation of my worries from someone, but it will just make me work that much harder to fix what I may have messed up.

Now that Joel is taking some pretty good naps Gabriel and I are playing more and more again, and it feels so great to spend that time with him on the floor, laughing and tickling him. Yesterday we crazy danced (more like jumping) to the Ting Tings all around his room. I have missed that more than I can say, and it feels so great to get that one-on-one fun time with him again.

A week of firsts

We had quite a week around our little household last week. Gabriel caught a new cold, this one all down in his throat and chest and making him cough. Joel began sleeping through the night, which just makes my life so much easier.

But Thursday was a big day. Joel rolled over for the first time, of course when I wasn't in the room. And Gabriel had his first experience up on a stage with his classmates to sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" during his school's fundraising evening. He didn't seem nervous or excited about it, but I don't think he was feeling very well. He sang and did all of the motions they were supposed to do, and smiled through the whole song. But the best part was just before they sang and he saw me waving at him, and he grinned really big and waved back. We taped it, of course, and then Jav, not knowing that I had rewinded it to show my Mom the next day, accidentally taped over it. This made me cry for a pretty long time. I know we will probably have many more on-stage performances to tape, but this was his first.

And then Friday night, Gabriel was waking up coughing, so much so that he would choke and get really scared. We decided to let him sleep with me in our bed (another first) and Jav slept on the couch. That night we had a pretty strong thunderstorm, and even though I hated having him feel so bad, it was really sweet to have him right next to me all night long.

I realize now that Joel is here and everything with him is changing so fast that I would like to make this blog like a scrapbook. I never got into scrapbooking, and I just don't think it will ever be my cup of tea. So this will become part baby book, part scrapbook and part diary. I just wish I would have thought of it when Gabriel was a baby. At least having the second one is jarring my memory constantly about that time, and maybe I can go back and get some of it down.

They stay little for such a short, short time.

Portraits

We went to have the obligatory family portrait made about a month ago, along with some shots of both boys and just Joel. We went to JC Penney's, I guess because that's where we've had Gabriel's pictures taken and it's affordable. My problem with them is twofold. The result is nice, but very generic and boring. And they have ridiculous turnover so you never know if you're going to get someone who knows how to photograph kids. We got lucky with Gabriel. Not so much this time. I ended up having to make Gabriel smile for every picture, and she had NO clue how to deal with Joel. She kept trying to get him to sit up by propping him with some pillows. And of course, being three months old, he kept falling over. When we left, I vowed in my head to not waste our money there again.

When Jav and I decided to get married in Fredericksburg, my Mom and I took a really fun trip to find the cake baker and photographer. I had come up with two, one an established studio and the other just a person who came up in the search. His name was Michael Roche, and we had our first meeting with him at the local coffee hang out. He seemed very stand-offish and even a bit snooty, and informed us that he never worked in color, only black and white or sepia. So if we had wanted shots of the Fred. Herb Farm in all of it's spring color, he wasn't our man. I liked the samples of his work that he shared with us, but I left the meeting thinking there was no way in you know where that I was going to let that jerk take pictures at my wedding.

So we drove to Kerrville to see the big studio, and it was there that I discovered how little I like the standard, posed pictures that people have taken at weddings. You know what I mean. The close up of the hands with rings. The bride simulating taking off her garter and all the groomsmen lined up. Gag. Yawn. Driving back to Fredericksburg, I decided to give Mr. Roche a chance and just hoped I wasn't making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

It turned out to be one of the smartest moves I've made. He really wasn't a jerk, either, just extremely shy and cursed with one of those "artistic" personalties that are hard to converse with. He took the most beautiful pictures. They have life and movement, and show the joy from the occasion better than I ever thought possible. Even his posed pictures of the wedding party, etc.. have a playful quality. And he did take quite a few in color, the first time ever for him. He ended up staying way past the time we hired him for and took pictures of everyone dancing and the mariachi band. Whenever I flip through the album, I am transported to that happy day. I will never be able to repay him for what he gave us. And I have a dream of having him take the boys pictures some day.

The link to his website is here. He has ten pics from our wedding, numbers 10 through 13 and 17 through 22 under "Weddings".

Overwhelmed

Joel is kicking my butt. You would think that by now things would be settling down into a routine, or as much as you can have a routine with a baby. You would think my experience with Gabriel would be helping me with this second baby. But my two baby experiences could not be more different. And I'm completely overwhelmed most of the time.

Gabriel was so easy (even though we didn't know it at the time). He had his sleep issues, and was a bit fussy when his teeth started coming in sometime around 6 months or so. But Joel has been so much more challenging. He started solid foods three weeks ago, but we are moving very slowly. This is partly because I want to take it slow and partly because he is teething. I'm not really sure if he's hungry and eating with gusto or if he just wants to get that spoon in his mouth to gum around on. He's now pulling it into his mouth with both hands for every bite, and getting extremely upset when I pull the spoon back to get more food loaded up. I usually don't even give him half of the cereal I made. But he ends up with most of it on him. Gabriel never grabbed the spoon and never seemed to get much food on his clothes.

He is drooling, trying to put all kinds of things in his mouth, has a perpetual runny nose, and seems pretty miserable the last four days or so. When I called worried that he might have caught Gabriel's cold, the nurse told me today that I probably wanted to avoid bringing him in unless he had higher fever or developed a bad cough, and that his nose could just be part of his teething symptoms. And it seems like I'm calling the doctor for various things about Joel every week.

The only way I could get him to take a nap before this extreme teething started was to put him on his tummy. This made me nervous, and I would check on him continually, but he would sleep for an hour or so that way. Now I'm afraid to do it because he's so congested, but he will not stay asleep more than ten minutes on his back or side. The only naps he's getting during the day are just after he nurses while I'm still holding him, or in the car, and he will wake up out of a deep sleep as soon as the car stops moving. When his teeth are really bothering him, he isn't happy in the swing, or the bouncy seat, or basically anywhere except my arms. It's getting more and more challenging to make dinner. The only thing that seems to pacify him is me singing Old MacDonald. I think one night I came up with over 25 verses, including jungle animals, to get the dishes done while he was in the bouncy seat. That was some farm.

And then there's the laundry. Gabriel never spit up. He just didn't do it. Joel has major spit up days every other day. And it seems to have increased the laundry by four large people, not just one tiny one. I feel like I just get finish folding one load when another is in the dryer waiting for me. It's starting to frighten me there's so much of it. I have virtually given up on cleaning my house, getting a room vacuumed here or there, dusting something off if it gets bad enough.

At least his nighttime sleeping has greatly improved. He's usually only waking up once, sometimes twice, and he doesn't make a peep in between. I guess it's the only time his teeth aren't hurting him. And know that no matter how hard it gets for me, one look into that face and my heart just melts and I don't care how tired I am. My poor little guy! I wish I could feel the hurt for him. He's such a sweet baby and has the best laugh. I just wish he felt good enough to use it more these days. I think we will all be having a party when that tooth (or those teeth) break on through to the other side.

Beatles Tuesday...literally

Tuesday I sing Beatles songs to Gabriel and Joel at bedtime. Or any other time of the day, like bath time. Yellow Submarine is a great bath song.

So since Jav is out of town, it has been a tiresome couple of days for me. Joel was particularly fussy all day long, with his cold and teething hitting him at the same time. I tried to put him down before putting Gabriel to bed, but he was having no part of that. So I fed him while reading to Gabriel, then sang a song and told Gabriel good night and moved into Joel's room to try to get him asleep. I kept thinking I heard Gabriel, but the humidifier in Joel's room cushions the sound from next door pretty well, so he had to yell before I really heard him.

I ran in there with Joel and Gabriel was hysterical by then, and saying that he heard a sound and wanted to come sleep with me. Now, Gabriel has NEVER wanted to sleep with us overnight or even for a nap except for one Fredericksburg trip when I took him out of the pack and play and neither one of us could sleep after that. So I knew this was really bad. I felt terrible that I didn't hear him at first because I always tell him to call us if he needs us before I walk out of his room. And honestly, I was a little scared myself wondering what he had heard. I kept asking if it was outside the window, and he kept insisting that it was in the room. I picked him up too and we all headed down to our bedroom. I got him calmed down and went to put Joel down in his crib. It was then that I remembered hearing something like paper rustling while I was reading to Gabriel, but I just figured the ceiling fan was making something rustle.

I would have loved to keep Gabriel with me, but I've been bringing Joel to the bed for the last three nights with his cold and was worried someone would either get rolled over on or fall off of our ridiculously high bed. So I got him to go with me back to his room (which really is just temporarily his room and I don't feel like he's ever been comfortable in there) and try to listen for the sound again. I heard it about the same time Bones wandered into the room and headed straight for some wires behind our file cabinet. And there it was. A big greenish black beetle was walking around and trying to climb up that cabinet and was making a heck of a ruckus doing it. I went and got a big plastic cup and a skinny but firm book, which is my method of choice when it comes to trapping bugs and getting them back outside. But I couldn't get a good angle and the damn thing crawled behind Jav's behemoth of a desk. We were doomed.

Now, I've been trying to teach Gabriel to not be afraid of bugs for about a month now. I want him to have a healthy respect for them. But he has been freaking out lately every time a little gnat lands on him. So this was not a good situation AT ALL. I told him what it was, though, because he had even mentioned Monster at one point and I didn't want that in his head. I tried to keep him back so he wouldn't see it, and I don't really think he wanted to. But because he was so tired he was loudly saying over and over again, "Oh, it's a big black beetle", and of course Joel woke up. I went in to get him back to sleep and Gabriel followed telling his brother what was happening and running into things. I finally had to tell him (probably a little too firmly) that if he didn't go into the hallway and keep quiet I was never going to be able to catch that bug and we wouldn't get any sleep. I finally got Joel asleep again and went to get the flashlight.

I really didn't think I'd find him, but after tapping a couple of things under the desk I heard a rattle and did a very girly yelp and jumped way back. So much for showing Gabriel that I wasn't afraid of bugs. He started whining for me to pick him up. But I bravely shined the flashlight back underneath and saw the bug sitting on top of our blank CD case. After much deliberation with myself and silently cursing my husband, I went in for the capture. Gabriel couldn't hold the flashlight still because of his nerves so I set it in the desk chair. I quickly put the cup over the bug and slowly but very carefully started to wedge the book under the cup, making sure not to leave a big enough gap for the thing to escape. It started finally making a clicking sound when I got the book all the way under the cup and I came so close to just dropping everything and running away. But Gabriel was watching and I had to keep fighting. So I asked him to open the back door for me and moved cup and book outside. I wanted Gabriel to see the bug leave the cup so he would know it was out of his room, but when I started to move the book I was so nervous that the thing was going to fly back in our faces that I sort of just threw the book into the Asian Jasmine, where, of course, we couldn't see the bug leave the cup at all.

But I guess I convinced him it was really gone, because he's sleeping in there now. And the book is still laying in the Jasmine. Even so, I think I earned quite a bit of respect from Gabriel tonight. And Honey, boy do you owe me big for this.