Joy

Yesterday Jav and I had our Valentine's Day date. We went to see No Country for Old Men (which I want to do a separate post about) and had a wonderful dinner. And although I had a great time and really needed some time with Jav and away from home for awhile, my most joyful moment of this year so far came when we got home. Gabriel dropped the book he was looking through, ran to me with open arms and gave me a kiss. I can't put into words how happy it made me.

A wonderful visit

My Mom, Gabriel and I visited the school where my Dad is a principal Wednesday morning. Jo Kelly is a magical place, where kids from the ages of 2 through 22 with severe physical and mental disabilities go to have their minds and bodies excercised. Each child is medically monitored very carefully, (they have 4 nurses on staff). They are also monitored to see the best way to teach them communication skills. Most students have the mental understanding of a 6 -12 month old infant. Some of the students are blind, deaf, and in rare cases, both. The classrooms are filled with toys that use the sense of touch to teach and inspire. Those classrooms are also filled with some of the most dedicated teachers and teaching assistants I've ever seen. These people have their hands full with some of the most challenging (physically and mentally) days anyone could face. But they are all happy and totally fulfilled with their choice of career.

Dad introduced us to everyone - students, teachers, nurses and cafeteria staff, even the IT guy. He is so happy to be contributing by leading the staff of this school. He's trying to learn all the students' names (they have around 40 or so), and the particulars of their personalities that make them special. But the neatest thing is seeing how much the staff seems happy to have him in return. It takes a special kind of person to not only want to be in this field, but also to figure out ways to make sure the daily challenges don't get to you and burn you out. I can't imagine knowing that some of your students are so fragile that their lives are hanging from a thread. They already lost one boy this year, and it was so very hard on everybody. But they realize that if they let that one loss pull them down, they are leaving many who need them behind. So they move onward.

I had a time in my life when I felt very sorry for myself and my circumstances. I didn't have full-blown depression, thank God, but I was definitely in the dumps most of the time and avoiding people. A work friend and I decided to volunteer at a ranch where disabled kids can learn to ride horses. That place literally changed my life. There were kids with everything from cystic fibrosis to autism. There was one boy in particular who was battling several physical obstacles. His little body was twisted so much that he had to be held up on the horse, and I happened to have enough arm strength to hold him. He was in pain most of the time and had breathing difficulties. Imagine my shock when I realized his goal in life was to get me to laugh. (And to get everyone to laugh, for that matter). When you meet someone like that, you wonder what on earth you have to feel sorry for yourself about.

I felt after our visit Wednesday morning that I had come face to face with many levels of heroism. The heroism that it takes to teach those who others deem unteachable. The students' heroism of just living through another day of obstacles, some of them even managing to smile. And of course, my Dad has always been my hero, and I got to see living proof of why. I'm so proud of him.

Great weekend

What a weekend! I love it when we are able to get alot done around the house AND manage to have some fun too. Jav and I moved around our guest room/office, partially to make room for Molly's kennel (we are having to move her out of our room because she can't be a good guard dog when she's in the far back of the house, and because she snores like a freight train), and partially because it just wasn't arranged very well to begin with. It took us the first half of Saturday and the second half of Sunday. The room looks so much better, but I keep thinking that Molly has her feelings hurt BIG time. It always amazes me to watch Henry, our blind cat, whenever we move around furniture. You would think that it would really freak him out and he'd go around bumping into things. But he just calmly walks the room and sniffs everything until he figures out where his favorite lounging places are, and you would never know we changed anything. It's like it's been that way all along. I wish I were that adaptable to change!

The fun part of our weekend started Saturday night when we ate dinner with Jim, Julie, Grace and Alex at Cafe Madrid. The food is always so good, and Gabriel really surprised me by being pretty content the entire meal. But the funnest part was getting to hang out with friends.

Sunday morning my nephew came for a visit, something he's never done by himself before. The weather was so beautiful (another part of this great weekend), so we were outside the entire time. We had so much fun with him, and Gabriel just was happy to follow him around the yard. He worships the ground Cade walks on, and even though Cade spent alot of time picking Gabriel up to move him out of way of whatever game we were playing, he was SO happy.

We're tired tonight, but very content.

I'll make my Tuesday a Fat one, thank you

Because I am giving up sweets for Lent (which starts tomorrow), I am having a very literal Fat Tuesday. I wasn't thinking about it starting so soon, so we have alot of sweets in the house. And I must eat them all up, today. Yes, I am becoming a good Catholic, and that means that I am not above a little cheating now and then. But if it's not here, I can't eat it. So along with regular food today, I must eat 6 peanut butter/chocolate cookies, 3 tapioca pudding cups, about a fourth of a carton of Breyer's Cookie Jar ice cream, and even less of a tub of Cool Whip (Light, of course). I'm making a pretty good dent and it's just barely 1:00 pm. (In fact, I better leave a little ice cream just in case Jav wants to have a little Fat Tuesday celebration tonight too.)

I never really understood the mystique about Mardi Gras, that is until today. I'm having a wonderful time!

Fine dining

Jav had given me a Central Market giftcard for my birthday way back in August. I couldn't decide on a class. I always thought I'd want to do a "hands-on" class, where the students actually cook with the teaching chef. But when it came down to brass tacks, this really made me nervous. I just don't think I'd enjoy myself. I'd be so concerned I was doing something wrong. I know that's silly, but that's just the way I am. Plus no matter how good the outcome, I'm a very sloppy cook.

So I decided to take a class where I could just watch, hopefully learn, and eat. I asked Jav to go with me once I found out there was a class scheduled with a chef we had both heard alot about. Donatella Trotti, the lovely owner of Nonna Tata (a tiny restaurant in the hospital district in Fort Worth), brought her authentic Northern Italian cuisine and sparkling personality last Monday night, and we were lucky enough to be there to enjoy it. She has been written up several times in the Star Telegram - once when the restaurant first opened, then a long piece where they told her very interesting story. She had lived in Italy until her early 30's, and had a career in the fashion industry. She came to the US and was offered a job opening up and managing several Versace stores across the country. One of those places was Dallas, where she lived for 8 years. She met her lawyer husband there, and decided instead of continuing to cook mounds of food for friends every weekend that she wanted to open a restaurant. They moved to Fort Worth, and Nonna Tata (Grandma Tata in Italian) was born two years ago. It has been a resounding success. There are only 10 tables in the whole restaurant, and there are lines to get in every night. On warm nights, people have been known to bring their own table and chairs and set up on the sidewalk, and they have even brought meals out to people tailgaiting in the back of their truck! Jav and I have been dying to eat there.

So we jumped at the chance to not only have her cook for us, but to explain everything while we were eating. Her husband, Gaylen Groce, came along and introduced the wines they served with our dinners (he is also a lovely, warm person). Donatella picked recipes that we could all actually make at home. There was nothing too hard or made with ridiculous specialty ingredients. Our appetizer plate was her trademark Foccacia, tiny roasted potatoes with gorgonzola, and fried sage leaves (which was Jav's favorite thing of the night). Then on to lentil soup, which was my favorite. It literally melted in my mouth. Our main course consisted of a lamb casserole with thinly sliced potatoes and carrots and tons of rosemary, and grilled radicchio on the side. I have never had lamb, and was a little worried I wouldn't like it. But I ate every bite. Then dessert was pannacotta (which translates literally to "cooked cream" - how can that not be good?). The whole meal was heavenly, but Donatella's charm and stories of her family back home made the evening twice as special. We found out that she and only one female assistant are IT at the restaurant. They make everything by hand, every night they are open. She even gave us her email in case we had questions about cooking any of the dishes. This woman truly loves to cook for people, and it comes out in her food. It was a wonderful evening.

Now we REALLY can't wait to eat there!!

The shift back to normal

I made a HORRIBLE MISTAKE! Our big TV shift lasted one evening. I was so miserable with no TV in our room that I didn't sleep at all Saturday night. I LIKE curling up on the bed and watching a movie. I LIKE having the cats curled up next to us on the bed. The only real problem I had was once I was ready to read and/or go to sleep I DON'T LIKE having to listen to the TV. Why all of this didn't occur to me before we paid the Direct TV service call charge I'm not sure. It almost seems like I had to have it taken away before I realized how much I needed it.

So Jav spent part of his Saturday with the service tech while he moved everything around, then we spent two hours Sunday changing it all back. What a waste of time, effort and money. But I'm very impressed that the two of us got everything working again. And Jav had the great idea of switching TV's so that he can use his wireless headphones if he wants to watch after I'm reading. (My old one we had been using in the bedroom didn't have a jack to plug them in). So the planets are aligned again, we relaxed and watched The Office last night, in our bed with Zoe curled up with us, and all was right with the world.

I'm really lucky to be married to someone with a never-ending supply of patience. And understanding. And TV/DVD technical skills.

Customer Service - dos and don'ts

We had the Direct TV guy come today to move our DVR (no more bedroom TV watching - sob). This guy was quiet, quick, efficient, and even came up with a way to save us a little bit of money. I was very impressed, seeing that the last episode I had with a service technician in the house was a disaster. I meant to do a post about it when it happened, but I may have blocked the episode out for awhile.

The guy poorly trained in Customer Service worked for our A/C and Heater service company. He was supposed to come twice a year, once in the spring to check out the A/C, and once in the fall to look at the heater. He had already been here twice, and had managed to piss me off both times. He had a very smug demeanor and was constantly talking about the fact that he just KNEW he had been in our house before and remembered our unit, but never about anything substantial, like how said unit was working and holding up. The second time he was here, he noticed we had a wasps' nest on our back porch and offered to spray it for me. I know he was trying to be nice, but I like our wasps to be around. I may be weird, but I like not disturbing the ecosystem of our yard. We don't bother them, and they don't bother us. So I said, no thank you, I'd rather he not spray them. He pressed a few more times, and I politely held my ground. And he left.

So the last time he came, I should have remembered this exchange and watched him closer. First off, he kept complaining that we had a faulty thermostat. I told him what the trick was to set it, but he just kept complaining about it. So when he was almost done, I asked him what should I do about the faulty thermostat. He said that I should probably get a new one. Well, you can't pay for advice like that, my friend. Not a word about how or where, or that they didn't sell them but I could go to Lowe's, or anything.

THEN as he was walking back inside from his truck where he had written up my bill, he noticed our wasp nest on the front porch. He then took it upon himself to spray a mother lode of pesticide all over the nest and anything else within a 10 foot radius. He then proudly told me what he had done, and I was so mad I could only look at him. Which is the thing that really made me the maddest, that I couldn't lay into him like I really wanted to that this was MY house and how dare he do something like that without asking and that we never use chemicals around the baby, etc.... No, I just sat in stunned angry silence and signed the service agreement then watched him drive away, as he probably thought to himself what a wonderful person he was for helping out a helpless female who didn't even know she had a huge wasp nest on her front porch.

Needless to say, Jav is currently looking for a new A/C and heater service company. And I need to work on not being afraid to shout at people if they deserve it. Except for if it's my husband.

Local eating isn't actually so local after all

We try to buy our produce from the Haltom City Farmers' Market whenever we have the time to get over there. It's been there forever, and seems to be a very efficiently run business. I have been slowly getting to know the ladies that ring up my produce over the last couple of months (they love flirting with Gabriel), and finally asked a question that's been on my mind for awhile now. I wanted to know if most of their inventory was produced locally. I made the assumption that if it didn't have a label or sticker on it saying, "made in Chile" or "California grown" or whatever that it was locally grown. Well, I was wrong. She said it just depends, and that during the winter alot of stuff is shipped in from all over, and it might not necessarily be labeled.

That truly bites! Here I am thinking I'm supporting local farmers and purchasing food that hasn't traveled very far, and I now feel like I've been duped. But the thing is, I LOVE shopping there. I guess I need to check out a couple of the other Farmers' Markets and ask my question again before I decide whether or not to go back.

A radical shift

Next weekend we will embark upon a household shift of such massive proportions it may feel like an earthquake has hit us. We have decided to remove the television from our bedroom (insert dramatic music - Dah, Dah Dum Dum.) I have been wanting this to happen for a long time, but never had the nerve to ask Jav about it because I never thought he would go for it. He is the one who likes to get sleepy with the TV on. I think having the TV on makes me have a much more restless night, and I would rather read to get myself sleepy. So when I was half asleep one night I mentioned how nice it would be if we moved our DVR to the living room TV and watched in there, and then the bedroom would be a much more restful place. He was ok with it!

So a week from Saturday we have the Direct TV person coming to move our DVR. We'll also be switching TV's because the color on the living room set has been going out for two years now. Then we're going to rearrange our bedroom, removing the TV armoire for good. We already rearranged our living room so that we'd each have huge comfy spaces to watch TV (before all I had was a very cold and uncomfortable leather couch.) I have been wanting to enjoy my oversized red chair since we purchased it almost two years ago, but so far it has mostly been used for cat beds. But the cats better watch out, because my butt will be taking over now. I'm sure unwinding in the living room will take a little getting used to, but I also am hoping it will lead to more reading and less TV for both of us. What it will cut out is the late-night channel surfing, when your brain has already turned to mush so much that you don't realize you need to be asleep.

I guess it could also turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. We'll see.

Why I love old houses

You would never find this attached to a built-in garage workshop area in a new house.

So you would never have these.

A few belated holiday pictures

Tito showing off his new hat, and Gabriel showing off his Christmas belly.

Santa brought him a new sandbox, but forgot the sand. Bad Santa!

We started a new tradition last year of going to River Legacy Park for a walk on Christmas Day. Gabriel was feeling tired from all the excitement of the morning. But Molly was happy and raring to go!

My neice Macy was sweet enough to let Gabriel play with her activity table. She's SOOOO cute and so sweet - I may steal her one day.

My nephew Cade, all grown up now. He turned 6 a few weeks ago. He really got into Christmas this year, especially considering Santa visits him at 3 or 4 different households. What happened to that fat little baby boy?

You can't beat a good old movie

Last night I got hooked on a movie on Turner Movie Classics called The Clock. It starred Judy Garland, who I just finished watching in Meet Me in St. Louis. The movie was about a soldier who was on leave in New York City for 48 hours, was set up on a date with Judy Garland's character (they met under the clock at the Waldorf Astoria hotel, hence the title), fell in love and got married just before he shipped out again. I was so wrapped up in this movie it was ridiculous. I think Judy Garland is just about the best crier as far as actresses go (it makes you wonder just how tragic her actual life really was). There's one scene where the two have become separated, and she doesn't even know his last name and realizes she has no way to find him... Well, suffice it to say she had me reduced to a big puddle of tears. Sometimes it feels good to have a good cry while watching a movie. And it had a good ending-at least I thought so.

The proof that I am a cooking geek

While my husband was getting his last steroid shot to (hopefully) relieve the pain from the herniated disc in his neck, I was browsing the nearby Half Price Books to spend one of my gift cards from Christmas. I got one used CD (Brazilian classical guitar - but I'm kicking myself for not getting the Best of Elvis Costello - the early years), two books for Gabriel that he absolutely loved from the get-go (go Mommy) and one cookbook. It's called "Best Ever Three and Four Ingredient Cookbook" by Jenny White and Joanna Farrow. I was so excited about finding this book. I've been looking for some simple, relatively healthy recipes that don't use a gazillion ingredients, to save both money and time. This book is exactly what I've been searching for. I stayed up late two nights in a row to read through the whole thing, and I don't give up my sleeping hours for many things. I knew this book wasn't published in the U.S. (it's from Australia) because they use "aubergine" instead of eggplant, and "rocket" instead of arugula. But that just made it all the more interesting. I can't wait to try some recipes out now.

I also bought the cheery little recipe box pictured above from the Children's Art Project at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. I know I will never have time to copy my favorite recipes onto 3 x 5 cards, so I'm using instead to plan dinners for the week. I changed the main index card titles to match my categories of dinners - Pastas, Sandwiches, Soups, Pizzas, Slow Cooker Favorites, etc... Then I sharpened my pencil and got to work adding my favorite recipe titles and what cookbook to find them in. There's plenty of room to add new ones, and extra index cards if I think of more titles. I have had such great pleasure in working on this little project. Anything that has to do with cooking doesn't seem like a chore to me.

Starting over

I have a tendency to jump into things and want to be good at them right away. Cooking, tennis, guitar lessons... the list could go on and on. Most of the time I get frustrated and either quit or never learn the right way of doing the thing and stumble along trying to keep up. Cooking is one of the few things I stuck with through the hard part of learning and trial and error, and now I'm getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.

Guitar lessons were sort of like piano lessons way back when. The lessons themselves were fun, but I never wanted to practice. Same thing when Jav and I took two-step lessons. So everything I learned has fallen completely by the way-side. Gabriel has shown a real interest in my guitar, though, as it sits gathering dust in our family room. He never misses an opportunity to strum it as he's barreling by. This has made me want to review some of the things I learned, but not enough to actually act yet. I have at least learned in my old age that if you do not want to learn something for yourself, it will probably be tedious.

Tennis is a bit different in that I think I have potential to get pretty good, if I will ever get off my high-horse and take some beginners lessons. I never learned how to place my feet correctly, or how to hold my racket correctly, or how to serve correctly, or really anything. Despite all of this I still do pretty well whenever I play. I heard a story about how you can really improve your game (not just in tennis, but in all sports), if you visualize yourself playing really well. I think this works for me. But I know I would be just so much better if I had some good form. Maybe one day.

Yoga is something I jumped into also, just to add something different to my workout routine at the time. I only thought about how it would help me physically, and started doing an intermediate tape at home. Which means, once again, that I skipped over some pretty important basics about yoga. Like form and breathing techniques and the whole meditation thing. BUT since it's something I started learning more about, I have decided to see if I can completely start over at something and learn it right for once.

Jav's family got me a wonderful book called "Essential Yoga: An Illustrated Guide" by Olivia H. Miller for Christmas that is helping me do this. It is very simple to follow, and has great illustrations of breathing techniques, warm-up stretches, poses and meditations. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to give yoga a try. I'm starting off very slow with breathing and warm-ups, which I NEVER did before. Then I do a few poses, just like the book shows, and end with some short meditations.

I don't think I will now ever give up on yoga like I have on so many things. I has become a very important part of my life, and I am really starting to feel the differences. Not just in my toning, flexibility and balance, but in a calmness I feel that I've never felt before. I'm actually starting to pay attention to whether I'm taking short breaths (especially when I'm stressed out about something) and if so I try to slow myself down by slowing my breathing down. I'm also not having as many negative thoughts as I used to, which can make you feel so much better about life. It feels good to know I stuck with something this time, and it's really making a difference.

Christmas 2007

There were so many special moments this year.

First off, we were so thankful that our friend Keith came out of his back surgery alright. The surgery was nine hours long, and he didn't have feeling in his arms for about 24 hours afterwards, but everything is progressing normally now and he got to go home late Christmas Eve.

Friday night downtown with Philip and April was just so much fun. I've decided Fort Worth is very pretty when she's all decked out for the holidays. We ate dinner at Cantina Larado (EXCELLENT food), then arrived at Bass Hall just in time for A Christmas Carol, the Musical. It was great--very funny in parts, poignant in others, rousing musical numbers, and at the end there was snow coming down from the rafters of Bass Hall everywhere. (Luckily we were underneath a balcony and didn't walk out looking like we had giant dandruff flakes all over us). But the funnest part was being with Philip and April, and laughing and having such a great time. I hope we can continue to find things to do with them, separate from our family get-togethers.

Sunday, my mom and I drove to Fredericksburg and back in one day to pick up my Uncle Dave. It really didn't seem so bad. We had alot of Christmas music, crossword puzzles and some fierce games of 20 Questions that helped to make the time go by.

On Monday, we attended St. Rita's Christmas Eve 5:00 pm Mass, which is specifically for the kids, and is always so special because all the children are turned out in their finest Christmas outfits. They always have a Nativity Pageant, and lots of Carol singing. Gabriel lived up to his nickname, El Torito (the little bull), and I had to leave with him once. But Jav's Mom and sister helped me out with him. The funniest thing that ALMOST happened was that he almost turned out the lights in the sanctuary while Father Flores was giving the homily. Good Lord, we would've had to change parishes! And maybe even our names, Jav joked.

On to Christmas Eve dinner at Jav's parents with Sandra. This year we had tamales, which were delicious, especially with Tita's homemade guacamole and tortillas. My mouth is watering again just thinking about it. Unfortunately Gabriel was having a picky eating day and barely touched any of it, but didn't seem too concerned. We opened presents, with one of us on full alert chasing Gabriel around the house. The most memorable moment came when Tita showed me what she had been working on with Gabriel - he goes up to the large baby Jesus under her tree and gives him a kiss. For El Torito, this was an extremely gentle moment and pretty much brought me to tears. Once we got home, Jav and I stayed up watching the original version of A Christmas Carol with Reginald Owen. Jav had never seen any movie version of it. It was perfect because it ended right at midnight and left us feeling all Christmasy inside just before we passed out.

Christmas Day started with our little family opening the gifts Santa left. My husband gave me the dearest gift any one's ever given me - a photo album of our pets, with Stanley and Fred's picture on the first page as a memorial to the two of them. He truly is the most thoughtful person on the planet, and I am the luckiest person in the world to have him. Gabriel seemed really excited about his sandbox (although it had no sand yet), and we video taped him climbing in and out of it about 10 times. He also seemed excited about the gift from his Godparents, Keith and Christine, a miniature motorcycle, or at least he seemed to want to play with the boy in the picture on the box proudly riding it. Jav will have to put it together, hopefully sometime before he's too big to ride it.

On a sad note, Jav's sister Sandra lost her boxer, Reyna (Spanish for "queen"). She was 10, and had been battling a disease that had to do with her pituitary gland, but had been doing pretty well for the last 6 months with different medications. She woke up really sick and died at home with Sandra and her parents during the early afternoon. Sandra's doggies are her babies, and I really feel for her. It's tough to lose one anytime, but Christmas Day just seems so much harder of a day to deal with a tragedy. Luckily she still has her sweet pug, Bo, so they can lean on each other to get through this.

We headed for Philip and April's in Weatherford to spend Christmas evening with the two of them, Macy and Cade, and my Mom and Dad. We had an amazing dinner of prime rib, our traditional German dish of potatoes and bacon, cranberry salad, green bean casserole, hot bread, and a not-very-pretty but delicious chocolate-raspberry cheesecake that April made. Then we started a new tradition. Philip played the guitar and we all sang carols. It was a good mix of secular and religious, and half of them were for the kids to sing along with too. I have a great memory of holding Macy in my lap with my other arm around Cade singing "Santa Claus is coming to town" at the top of our lungs. Gabriel, being still too little to understand all of this, just wandered around with various toys. But he did seem very much fascinated by Uncle Philip playing the guitar. He stops to strum mine around 20 times a day at home, which has prompted me to try and remember anything I learned during my six months of lessons. I hope we'll do the carols every year. It helps to get some of the focus off opening presents and reminds us of what this holiday is all about after all.

But, of course, we then all opened gifts, which always leads to such excitement and laughter. My Dad surprised my Mom with a beautiful painting she had wanted from Bombay company. The kids, though, were the main focus of everything. Gabriel was such a trooper. He had to be totally exhausted, but never cried or fussed at all. He just started laying his head down on the carpet here and there, because, after all, it gets tiring carrying that big ole thing around all the time. And he showed off his newest, funniest trick of walking backwards over great distances without running into things. We're not exactly sure how he does it, but we think Henry had a hand in teaching him. We all went to bed that night with the satisfying feeling of full bellies, heads a little giddy from laughing so much, hearts full of love for our families and thankfulness to God for all that we have in our lives.

All in all, it really was a great Christmas.

This Christmas seems different

Every year I vow that THIS year I am not going to get stressed out about gift buying, gift wrapping and Christmas card mailing like I have every Christmas since I've been an adult. And every year I always end up very stressed out and tired, and wondering what happened to the joyful Christmas feeling I used to get as a kid. Before I had all of these other things to think about. Christmas seems to come and go and I don't feel like I ever got to enjoy any of it.

But this year I am feeling so very different about everything. I will admit that maybe this newer, more laid back me could have alot to do with not having a regular job anymore. But I think my energy level is challenged more by newly-walking Gabriel than it ever was at work. I think the real reasons behind it are deeper.

The first thing that's different about this year is money. And how we had less to spend on gifts. So for the first time in my life, I have stuck to our Christmas budget. (Keep in mind that although Jav had a hand in deciding what we were going to get people, I did all the shopping this year - hence the "I", instead of the "we").

And since we're on the subject, we have been very careful about what we're getting people this year. I didn't want to rush out and buy a bunch of Chinese-made lead-filled toys for the kids I'm buying for. I've given careful thought about where my gifts are coming from and how they will be used. I did have a weak moment at Toys R Us while looking for a sandbox for Gabriel and ended up buying my nephew a Spider-Man toy that is made in China and that he will absolutely love.

But I think because we've had a really rough month with battling illnesses, losing Fred, a car wreck (Jav was ok, thank God, but the car's pretty banged up), and our friend Keith having an 8-hour surgery tomorrow on his spine, I'm seeing everything with a different perspective. The rushing around and getting things done is still important, but I'm so aware of why I'm doing these things. I'm doing them for people that I love, that I am so thankful to have in my life. It doesn't seem like a chore this year.

I got all of my Christmas cards mailed Tuesday and just smiled thinking about the fun we had trying to take a dang picture, and what we ended up sending instead. I finished wrapping everything yesterday, and marveled at how easy it seemed and was glad I could spend the rest of the afternoon walking Molly and playing with Gabriel outside.

I've been on several shopping expeditions with my Mom, and have enjoyed every one of them. Even though we had to battle some long lines and shortages of parking spaces, it never seemed stressful. We've truly had fun, talking so much we would forget where we were headed in the car, or what we were looking for amidst the crowds in the stores.

Tomorrow night we are going to see the musical version of "A Christmas Carol" at Bass Hall with my brother and his wife. I am so excited about this. I get to get dressed up and go downtown. I get to see the huge Christmas tree in Sundance Square. I get to see Bass Hall all gussied up for the holidays, which is always beautiful. I get to see one of my favorite stories of all time come to life in a new way. But I'm the most excited about doing something special with Philip and April, which we have really never done before. When I hung up the phone after they invited us to go with them (April won the tickets at work), I had that feeling again, of being a kid, and being filled with so much wonderful anticipation and love.

Attempting to take a Christmas photo

The one we thought would turn out the best, but it was horribly blurry.

This one we even got Henry in, but he's about to claw off Jav's leg. We really wanted to get all the pets, but discovered that it is impossible. And blurry. What's the deal?

Here's the happy photographer and one subject while everyone was still in a semi-good mood.

We might have used this one if not for the chair behind Jav's head making him look sort of Frankenstein-ish. And it's blurry. You can tell Gabriel is already losing patience by now.

We thought about using this. It was the best picture anyone took all day. Zoe always photographs well.

This is poor Molly after about the 10th try.

The last attempt - Gabriel is so fussy and sleepy by now, Molly looks like she's taking a bite out of my arm (can you blame her at this point?), and, once again, it's blurry.

We discovered afterwards that the camera had lost all of it's settings when Jav replaced the battery the day before. But by then we were all just too tired and cranky to try anymore. I'm going to try to get a good one of Gabriel today. If not, our Christmas cards may be pictureless this year. Moral of the story: Get started earlier than the week before Christmas next year.

A couple of music notes

Jav and I are addicted to America's Next Greatest Band on Fox. It's a guilty pleasure, of course, but we've been surprised just how good the bands that have been competing are. Jav's favorite is a really good Eagles-type rock/country band called Sixwire, made up of 40-ish good looking guys (which is not the reason Jav likes them). My original favorite was a band of gangly 20-somethings whose specialty was Beatles-type British pop called Tres Bien. They were eliminated two weeks ago, so I had to choose a new favorite. I am now pulling for The Clark Brothers, three actual brothers who grew up on the road along with their 8 other siblings while their evangelical preacher father moved from revival tent to revival tent. I guess their main label would be bluegrassy gospel, but they play and sing with such fire and such soul that you really can't help but feel something rise up within you when they play. Both bands have made it to the finals, which are next Friday night, along with another really good HUGE big band, with horns and everything, called Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. I really hope they do well after this contest is over, because they seem like such nice guys, and because they played a smokin' version of September by Earth Wind and Fire last night, which just happens to be Jav's and my song. But my money and my heart go with The Clark Brothers.

Another show I've been DVR-ing is Crossroads on Country Music Television. This is a show where two artists, usually from different genres and always fans of each others' music pair up for an hour of talking and performing. It's always a good show, but last night we finally watched the best one we've seen yet - Bonnie Raitt and Lyle Lovett. It was true magic. The stories behind their songs were very poignant. Lyle Lovett seems like such a nice guy, and there's something so real about his music and his voice. And Bonnie Raitt's voice just gets more syrupy and perfect with age. Her guitar playing isn't too shabby either. I'll always regret that I missed her show at Bass Hall, but maybe someday she'll come back. I hope to be there if she does.

My 200th post

Ever since I started categorizing my posts, I've been subtracting my pictures to keep track of my actual word postings so that I'd know when I hit this milestone.

I wasn't sure what to write about for such a monumental occasion, and I was going to do a sort of a Christmas letter and sum up the past year. But the circumstances of the last 24 hours have led me to want to write something alot more personal and spiritual.

Do you believe in ghosts? Or Heaven? Or at least that our loved ones who proceed onto the next plane before us are still around? What about reincarnation? I would have said no way to these questions years ago. But now I must admit that I sure do like the idea of it, and this may have something to do with getting older. But the first time I considered reincarnation was just after my maternal grandfather died. I had never lost anyone close to me before, (other than my paternal grandfather who died of a heart attack when I was 7). Ever since then, no family, no friends, no pets. I was walking Stanley around the apartment complex I was living in, and this blue jay kept showing up every time we took our walk. I got it in my head that it was Bapaw, coming back as a bird he always complained about, which I thought was kind of funny and ironic. But no matter how crazy it sounds, the idea made me feel so much better and really helped to ease the pain.

The event that really made me start wondering, though, was our wedding. When we started to take pictures, this little stray cat appeared out of nowhere and seemed to want to be in the group pictures. She actually made it into a couple. Then even stranger, when Jav and I were having some taken of just us, the little cat kept wanting to crawl in my lap. Several people afterwards told me they believed that cat was my maternal grandmother, which almost made me fall over because that's what I had been thinking that whole evening. Mamaw would have had to find a way to be at my wedding - she wouldn't have missed it for the world.

And finally, after Gabriel was born, we noticed him doing a strange thing every now and then while lying on his changing table, sometimes crying (he couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 months old or so). He would stare at the ceiling and start to smile. There were no shadows, or ceiling fan, or any movement that Jav or I could see. But he seemed to be really watching something or someone. I liked the idea that maybe that was one or some of his great-grandparents, stopping by to smile down at him. He still does this every once in awhile, and he will go from an all out scream to very quiet and still, then to a smile. And just last week, he was in his high chair and looked down just like one of the pets had come into the room, held up some food, and started his dog talk. But I didn't see anyone. Maybe Stanley dropped in for a quick hello.

I know all of these ideas are probably just things to comfort me and make me miss people or pets just a little less.

So last night, when we knew that Fred had stopped eating for a day again, and seemed to have a fever, I had to rely on all of these things to come to terms with realizing he was too sick to go on. I believe in the power of prayer, but don't normally pray for specific things for myself. However last night I prayed for some kind of miracle to help Fred. But, sadly, he still couldn't eat this morning. We took him in, and the vet listened and understood. He can never make that decision for a pet owner, I guess, but I got the feeling he knew I was making the right decision. When Fred left our world in my arms, all I could do is hope and pray with every fiber of my being that he's now somewhere where he's happy and his mouth doesn't hurt, and he can grow big and strong, and be outside and climb trees and hunt bugs. I hope this very moment he's doing all the things he couldn't do during his short five years in our world. And I hope I meet up with him again to look into those blue-green eyes and scratch that sweet little face. Maybe he can even take a nap with me curled up on my chest. Somehow, someway, I have to believe.

Farewell little Fred

Freidrich von Fluffball, a.k.a. Fredley, a.k.a. The Grey Ghost, a.k.a. Frederico, a.k.a. Little Bitty
May 2002 - December 2007

Tipping is not just for cows anymore

Every time (and we're talking about once a month, if that) I go through a Starbucks drive-through and see that tip jar, I get SO mad. What exactly are they doing that makes them think they deserve a tip on TOP of the outrageous prices they charge for grinding and whipping up a couple of beans? And why don't I see a tip jar at other drive-throughs? I get so mad that I almost make it past my nervousness that they might spit in my tall Chai before handing it over. But even that doesn't manipulate me into leaving a tip.

The daily grind

Lately I am getting very burned out trying to figure out what to have for dinner every night. I love to cook, although my desire to spend a long time in the kitchen preparing anything is gone now that I am using up my energy chasing a toddler around. I try to spend around 30 minutes tops during the week, then one night out on Saturday, then a little more involved or special meal on Sunday.

But trying to eat healthy on a budget is taking it's toll on me. Sometimes I just stare into space when I'm supposed to be thinking of menus the night before my big grocery trip. I have a sectioned notebook where I try to jot down any recipe or meal combination that we like. And I have a great Betty Crocker quick meals cookbook, and a huge recipe binder filled with ones I've either tried and liked or would like to try someday. The last few months though, I don't even want to flip through them.

One thing I've gotten better about, though, is looking through my pantry, fridge and freezer before making my list to take full advantage of eating up stuff we already have. I've noticed a HUGE difference in the amount of food that gets thrown away. I've also done better about planning multiple meals using an ingredient if a recipe only calls for a small amount of it, like a jar of roasted red peppers or Kalamata olives, or a bag of spinach.

Last night we had a Cafe Madrid at home night. I attempted for the first time to make a Spanish omelet. I overcooked my potatoes (they were more like potato chips when I got through with them), so the result wasn't anything like the wonderful fluffy omelet from the restaurant. But I nailed the red peppers, goat cheese and capers, which almost made up for the crunchy omelet. Next time, along with knowing I need to cook my potatoes less than the recipe suggests, I also hope to find some white asparagus or saute some spinach. Or maybe we'll just head to Dallas for the real thing!

On a side note, Gabriel's appetite has become almost as unenthusiastic as my desire to plan menus. He just picks at his food, or plays with it. He's eating less than half what he used to, which I guess I'm glad to see. If he had kept going at the pace he's had up to this point, we would've had to start him on the South Beach Diet.

Little Fred

We are having trouble with Fred's gums again. I was confused after he got some of his teeth pulled, thinking this problem was solved for good. But just after our Padre trip he started eating less and acting really skittish again, and sure enough the vet said his gums looked awful and he needed a steroid shot. Jav and I decided we'd start taking him again every 6 weeks to get a shot. His gums must hurt him really badly, because he stops taking care of himself - no grooming or anything.

Well, he didn't even make it a whole month. The week before last he just stopped eating. It was too painful. He didn't even try a couple of times, and I knew it was really bad this time. I took him in and he had a low-grade fever along with awful looking gums. I asked the vet (a wonderful man named Dr. Robert Norris-we've practically become family because I'm in there so much), what kind of damage the steroid shots could possibly do, especially having them so often. He said eventually Fred could develop liver and heart problems because of them. Sigh. So then I asked about whether pulling out all of his teeth would be psychologically hard, and he told me that because the gums are still really red even where his other teeth were pulled that pulling out all of his teeth wouldn't really make any difference. Sigh. Sigh. (with a few tears at this point). So Fred is pretty much screwed, I asked (not in those words). Yes, there's really no other treatment possibilities for him. More tears. Plus I was supposed to try and give him antibiotics to get his fever down. Good luck with all that!

The next day was Sunday, and I tried to crush the pill and mix it into Fred's food. He took two bites and walked away. I tried a couple of hours later to just poke it in his mouth and rub his throat so he'd swallow it. I thought this worked, but then Molly walked in the room and ate something that must have been the pill. And Fred was terrified and hiding under the bed. At this point I was so despondent I became hard to live with. My Mom helped me by suggesting that I forget about the pill for now and just make sure he starts eating again, and maybe nature will take care of itself and his fever will go down. I calmed down and Fred ate and ate.

Monday I was able to cut the pill in half and sneak it into two servings of Fred's food. And that worked all week long. He's had a great week. We've seen more of him than usual, and he's been playful. His coat looks wonderful too. I have to just take it a day at a time, and be glad that he's feeling good right now.

What's up with the weather

Gabriel and I just spent an hour outside, in our shorts, playing in 80 degree weather in December. Weird. But nice to be able to go outside and play!

Road trip memories

This donation to our garage sale last summer (thanks Susan-but I kept this one for myself), prompted a belated posting regarding the Family Road Trip. It's amazing to me how this one thing prompted so many membories.

My parents used to take my brother and me on one or two road trips a year, either to stay with Texas relatives in Ingleside or Fredericksburg, or to Colorado in the summers once we were a little older. I remember stopping at two different retail outlets whose very existence depended on the Family Road Trip. One was Nickerson Farms and the other was Stuckey's, and one had a blue roof and one a red one (I don't remember which was which). Stuckey's sometimes had a snack bar, and Nickerson Farms had restaurants attached. I remember getting the BEST burgers there, old school style with thick bread slices instead of buns, and grill marks all over, and dripping with grease. Yum.

My brother and I were also allowed to spend a very thrifty sum on crap for the car at these establishments, and we took our role as consumers very seriously. I remember spending quite a bit on books like the one above. I also remember turning little cows and pigs upside down to hear the very unrealistic noises that were supposed to be moos and oinks, kitschy salt and pepper shakers, road trip bingo cards, every rainbow color and flavor of candy cane you can think of, lots of things to write on and write with, and alot of glass and ceramic items that I guess were meant to be gifts for whoever was waiting for you at your destination. (I always looked at that stuff as extra stuff to dust, and not much more).

I don't remember if Philip and I fought in the car very much. I remember we sang, as a family, early on, before I thought it was very uncool to do so. My parents bickered from time to time. I remember one particularly stressful trip to Colorado where my Dad got lost for awhile. We were all very hungry and apparently in the middle of nowhere in New Mexico. We accidentally drove onto an Indian Reservation somewhere around Taos where they were having a festival of some kind, but we were not allowed on the property. We finally stumbled on an old and not very well-stocked grocery store where we at least bought beverages and snacks to hold us over until we found civilization again. I think my Mom started speaking to my Dad again once we got to the Colorado border.

But I mostly remember fun times, especially on the way to the destination.

(posting from Belle Vernon, PA, where we're having a wonderful time)

Illness, injury and airline travel

The last few weeks have been a little rough around here. I got really sick (from bad allergies to a cold to a sinus infection then to bronchitis). I had a bad visit with a nurse practitioner who didn't prescribe the right medicines-she said antibiotics are overused and people are starting to develop immunities against them. I agree, except that I NEEDED antibiotics to get over it, and finally got some after I was close to coughing up a lung. Luckily, though, Gabriel didn't catch anything.

Around this same time, Jav started having pain in the back of his shoulder. By the end of the weekend, he was having major pain in his right arm and numbness in his fingers. Not good. I thought he might have pinched a nerve in his shoulder picking up Gabriel wrong or something. He got into to see a shoulder-specializing orthopedic surgeon, who said it looked more like it might be a problem with Jav's neck. So then he had to wait for an MRI, wait some more for the results and an appointment with a neck -specializing surgeon, who confirmed he had a herniated disc in his neck. 80% of the time the pain can be taken care of with a combination of steroid shots and physical therapy, so that's where Jav is headed, once all the doctors get back from their Thanksgiving vacations. In the meantime, he's trying to cope with some pretty bad pain and frustration with the medical community's general lack of concern.

In spite of all of this, we are bravely leaving for Pennsylvania tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with our dear friends Dave, Barbara and their three kids. Dave and Jav met and were roommates at UT for graduate school. Jav's been for Thanksgiving almost every year for the last ten years (and I started joining him four years ago), but we didn't make it last year since Gabriel had just been born. I can't wait to get there, but the plane ride is worrying me. Gabriel is supposed to sit on my lap for three hours. HAH. He just wants to walk, walk, walk. We hope to tire him out at the airport before the flight leaves, which will help. Our magical and wonderful main solution is the purchase of a portable DVD player and several Teletubbies and Sesame Baby DVD's. We'll cook all day and have our huge midday meal Thursday, go see our annual Friday afternoon movie (The Bee Movie - yay!!), and head to a mall with all the kids on Saturday. And maybe have a nice kid-free dinner out Saturday night, if I can summon up the courage to leave Gabriel with their outstanding babysitter (they've had her for 5 years), and get over my worry about him falling down their basement and/or their second floor stairs. We usually come home on Sunday, but decided to stay an extra night, so Sunday should be a great lazing around, reading the paper and watching football kind of a day (something we NEVER get have the time to do here-always too much to do around the house). AND it's supposed to snow, which is so cool for Thanksgiving.

The only bad thing is that I will miss spending it with my family - but they know we'll be thinking about them.

Halloween-The Busy Bee

The Genie likes Brazilian today

I have a theory that when you put your Ipod on Shuffle, the little Ipod Genie inside takes over and picks out the songs for that day. The reason behind this theory is that some days I hear almost all country or big band, or 4 or 5 songs by the same artist within a one hour period. It just doesn't seem too random to me. The Genie definitely has moods.

I can't keep up

Gabriel has matured in so many ways since he started walking I can't even keep up with them anymore. I never realized that opening that one developmental door would advance him in so many other ways. He can turn things on and off now, especially his noisier toys. He can open up certain doors in the house, which proves that he is getting taller by the day too. He can rip off his bib, which is his new clue to us that he is finished eating. It's been really amazing to watch how he fine tunes his communication skills, especially when it comes to what he likes and doesn't like. Anything he doesn't like is met with his very loud and whiny one syllable cry. This is his BAD noise. He has a much wider range for GOOD noises. Anything outside wins instant approval-it's all GOOD. Coming back inside is BAD. Putting on shoes and socks is BAD. Taking off shoes and socks is so GOOD it inspires giggles. Pasta, bread, cheese, peas, carrots, brocolli, sweet potatoes and all fruit is GOOD. Mushrooms, lunch meat, fish and cauliflower are BAD. In this case, the whiny noise is accompanied by a healthy toss of the offending food onto the floor.

The most interesting communication Gabriel has, though, is with the pets. Several weeks ago we realized that he has developed a language for Molly that he doesn't use with anybody else. It involves keeping his mouth closed while flicking his tongue off the roof of his mouth alot. This sounds a bit like Hindu chanting. We can't figure out if he is trying to emulate a barking sound, trying to say "Molly" over and over again, or if there is a deeper and more complex set of words being said. He has used this language around some of our neighbors' dogs, too, leading us to determine that it must be canine in nature.

On the opposite spectrum, his feline language is all very high-pitched, short noises. Mom hears this over the phone and says it sounds like a jungle bird, but I've decided to start calling it his Cat-Chasing Comanche War Cry. The most passionate of the cries come while he is actually chasing one of the cats, arms held out and slightly up. He especially likes to chase Zoe, probably because she will run away at first but then always comes back for more. She LOVES to play, even with a terrifying stumbling one-year-old.

So all in all, my child is now learning four languages: English, Spanish, Dog and Cat. Even though English still gets a little complicated sometimes. Every time we read Goodnight Moon before bed, we get to the pages that say "Goodnight stars, goodnight air", and Gabriel starts patting his head to tell his hair goodnight. The song from My Fair Lady, "Just you wait 'enry 'iggins, just you wait" always comes into my head when this happens. I knew all of that Harry Potter audio would turn him into an Anglophile!

The magic is over

I finally wrapped up Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows yesterday. I feel a bit like I have lost my best friends. But I loved the book. I have been thinking about why I like the series so much, and why I continue to try to get other adults to read it. I think it's because no other book or books have possessed me so since I was a kid. I have read many books over the years that I couldn't wait to open up at night, or that made me laugh and/or cry. But these books get into your soul. I could almost think about nothing else for the last few weeks. It's not just the complex world that Rowlings has created, but the complex characters and story. The black and white areas of "good" and "evil" have distinctive gray areas, and she wasn't afraid to tackle things like governments lying to their contituents, or media-bias. Sometimes people who seemed to be villains were actually heroes, and the heroes had many flaws when we got to know them better. I loved the concept of trusting and believing in your friends, especially in life and death matters. I love Hermione, with her love of books and learning and bushy hair - how could I not identify with her? Jav and I have been talking about the book over dinner every night (I was driving him crazy with all of my yes or no questions since he finishied the book weeks ago).

The only complaint I have is that I wish Rowlings could have published all the books before any of the movies were made. I like having the characters' faces in my head, but that's impossible once you've seen them in the movies. And the last couple of books had a tendency to seem like one fantastic movie scene after another. But this didn't take away from the narrative at all, to me.

I've been reading over my old posts in order to get everything labeled, and I came across this today. Well, I'm pretty impressed with Harry and his destiny, and with J.K. Rowling's vision. I can't wait to start reading them with Gabriel one day.

Padre trip

Even though the trip was not like I had pictured in my head, we had a good time on our beach trip. First off, I never realized how much work Jav and his parents did to spiffy up the condo each year. I tried to help out when I could, but still didn't feel like I helped very much. Secondly, the weather got pretty nasty the 2nd full day we were there. The front that hit Fort Worth made it all the way down south. The temperature dropped into the 60's with high winds, both of which made it pretty uncomfortable to stay outside for any length of time. Everybody thought to bring a jacket except me, so I bought a fleece pullover on one of our many trips into Port Isabel. One weird thing was that the ocean was really warm. We probably looked silly in our windbreakers and hats and shorts and flip flops, walking along in the water.

One of the cool things about the trip was the International Sandcastle Building competition, held at the Sheraton Hotel every year which is just down the beach from our condo. We took video of the winners since we didn't have the regular camera with us that first pretty day. Another cool thing was that I realized how much I like and get along with my inlaws. They have become family to me; they are such a big help with Gabriel, and I'm so lucky to have them. We all watched the finale of a Mexico-version of American Idol that they had been keeping up with, and we had such a good time together.

Gabriel has decided he likes the ocean. He was afraid the first day and preferred digging (ok-mostly eating) the sand on the beach. But that afternoon he watched a little girl who was a few months older than him playing in the water. She was a native and learned how to walk on the beach. I guess this made Gabriel think, "Well, if she can do that, so can I", and he liked the waves after that.

Jav and I got to have one dinner out, which was funny because we couldn't find a place to go. ALOT of restaurants close up on the island, so we went back over the bridge to Port Isabel, just driving around in the relentless wind looking for a good seafood place. We ended up eating at a big tourist trap right at the base of the bridge, but they had good food and good magaritas. One sad thing that happened was that there was an injured pelican hopping along on the bridge when we crossed back over. He apparantly couldn't fly, and I wanted to stop and help him somehow, but it was too dangerous to stop on the bridge. I thought about him for a long time, and hoped that someone else figured out how to help him that night.

When we left early in the morning to come back home, the full moon was shining on the bay. It was just beautiful and I was sad to be leaving the ocean. And on the way home we drove right through the Monarch butterfly migration route. For about 7 or 8 minutes we saw one every 15 to 30 seconds. They must have some pretty good radar because they seemed to float higher than the car whenever we approached. I think we only ended up hitting one of them, which made me feel so bad. I wondered how many people driving down that highway even noticed them. When I think about the thousands of miles they have to travel, the trip to Padre doesn't seem that bad after all.

Heading down to the beach.

Still not quite sure about this ocean thing.

OK-I've decided it's pretty darn fun.

Especially since I'm with Tita and Tito.

Chillin' in the condo.

Woof-wonderful

Mom and I took Molly and Hannah (her border collie mix) to the Fort Woof Dog Park for the first time today. (Why don't I ever think to bring the camera for things like this?) The dogs were a little nervous and didn't quite know what to think about being off a leash and allowed to run rampant with a bunch of other dogs. The setup there is great. There are several faucets with large buckets full of water under them for all the dogs to drink. And there are strategically placed baggie dispensers with wooden waste bins underneath to help pick up after the pooches. I was a little worried about Molly getting aggressive towards the other dogs, but her hackles only went up one time, and then she and the other dog must have worked something out. She actually stayed pretty close to me the whole time, so we never even made it back to the back of the park where the obstacle course area is. There must have been around 25 big dogs galumphing around at one point, and this was during a weekday! I can't imagine what the place is like on the weekends. I was having such a good time watching all the different breeds and being proud of my Molly-girl that I didn't really want to leave. But Mom pointed out that the girls were exhausted from all the stress of this first time, so we packed up and went home. We all can't wait to go again!

Walking on the beach

I had a mother's instinct that Gabriel would start walking on our trip, and lo and behold I was right. At exactly 13 months to the day he started taking 5 or 6 steps on his own to reach either his toys or his grandmother. If I can ever remember to walk in here with the camera I'll download the pictures.

And after our family get-together last Saturday, Macy and Cade inspired him to start making the trek across entire rooms. He doesn't want to stay in his room and play anymore, and has been waking up early so that he can start marching about the house again.

I can't even believe it when I look at him. What happened to my little baby boy?

Busy Bees

We have been so busy lately, which is my excuse for not posting in such a long time. We had Gabriel's birthday party on September 29th. The following Wednesday, I had the book club over for dinner and discussion of ,"A Passage to India" by E.M. Forster. Then I was asked to help out with our Neighborhood Association newsletter when the woman who works on it dislocated her shoulder. I ended up over at her house helping six different days over the course of two weeks. A couple of those times I had Gabriel, who just decided to enter his, "I want Mommy, or maybe Daddy, and no one else" stage, which was fun to deal with. I've learned that a newsletter, or at least a good one, is alot more work than I realized! But I really enjoyed myself, met some wonderful ladies, and will hopefully get to help out some next month too.

We put up Halloween decorations the Sunday before last, which ended up taking almost all day, but we had a blast doing it. Then we went to Lufkin for the day to visit a family friend last Saturday (what a gorgeous day for a road trip), and finally celebrated Jav's birthday at his sister's on Sunday. We visited my friend Cobra Monday. We had our Neighborhood Association meeting Tuesday night. And now we are about to head for the beach (Padre) this coming Saturday, and I haven't even begun to pack anything yet.

AND in between all of this, I'm trying to listen to the last Harry Potter book in the car. My poor son will probably speak with an English accent for the rest of his life because I have been OBSESSED with finishing before we left for our trip. But the realization hit me today that not only am I missing out on some fun, quality time with Gabriel in the car, but also that I want to make this book last as long as possible. So with three and a half CD's to go, I am putting it aside until we return. Which took more willpower than anything I've ever tried to do, or not do, before.

Eventually I will get around to posting some Gabriel party pictures, Lufkin trip pictures, and hopefully we'll get some good beach ones too. Coming up after that we have Halloween, a trip to Fredericksburg with my Mom and Gabriel, and then somehow Thanksgiving has creeped up on us and we'll be heading off for Pennsylvania. Oh, and speaking of bees, that's what Gabriel's going to be for Halloween. I'm sure this will come up in one of his therapy sessions later in life, but he loves it when I make my bee buzz noise, so it seemed like the best choice.

A low in the 50's

My thermometer said 59 this morning. Finally, a break from this Fall heat wave! I actually turned off the A/C and had the windows open all day, although it's pretty stuffy now.

The oak tree leaves are falling off much earlier than in years past. I read in Neil Sperry's column it's because of the severe drought for a few years, then a very rainy spring and summer. It's just wrong to have to rake leaves when it's above 80 degrees!

We've been watching the squirrels alot lately. They started out digging up pecans and eating them. Now they are burying new ones. They've gotten very bold about coming down from the trees into our yard, sometimes right in front of Molly. She usually ignores them, although once she immediately dug up the pecan that the squirrel had so carefully buried and ate it. Gabriel notices them all the time running across the electrical wires and moving around the tree branches.

All of a sudden, there are no cardinals in our yard. I did a tiny amount of research to try and find out if they migrate, and so far all of the sites say they are non-migratory. When I did the post a while back about seeing the hawks in our neighborhood and how neat they were, I should have done an addendum post. One of the neighborhood gentlemen who also walks in the mornings told me soon after I did the post that he can't stand having them in our area because they've taken to eating the cardinals and blue jays. These are the birds that stand out to them in daylight. I was pretty upset, and still am not really sure who to root for. After all, the hawks have to eat too. But they better not have come after the cardinals around our yard!

Introduction to the Great Game

We took Gabriel to his first Ranger game on September 22nd. He had a fan club of Jav and I, both grandmothers (Tita and Mamaw), and his Tia Sandie. Everyone in attendance loves to go to Ranger games, so hopefully the excitement rubbed off on Gabriel. We really debated about whether or not we should take him to the Saturday night game, or the Sunday afternoon game. We decided on Saturday night since the daytime temps were still hitting the mid-90's, which is no fun when you are sitting in the sun at a Ranger game.

First thing on our agenda was a new Ranger cap, courtesy of Tia Sandie. The infant ones didn't fit his big 'ole head, but the toddler size seemed comfortable for the approximate minute that he left it on without protest. We found our seats (third level, just to the left of home plate), and you could just see that little brain taking everything in. We had missed the top of the first, and the Rangers were already behind the Orioles 2 - 0. We missed the bottom of the first taking tons of pictures, with and without cap.

Gabriel must have been a little tired all the way through, because he didn't squirm around much. He just sat contentedly in whoever's lap he had been passed, watching the surrounding kids, listening to all the music in between innings and snacking on crackers and "Nilla Wafers. Every once in awhile he even seemed to notice the little men running around on the field. There was another 1-year-old sitting right behind us who was also at his first game. He had learned how to clap and say "Yay!!", which I think Gabriel was a little jealous of. Gabriel's new trick was handing things to us so that we could say an exaggerated "thank you" and watch him just beam with happiness.

At the start of the 5th inning and with the Rangers having pulled ahead, our happy caravan headed home. The Rangers ended up losing the game 9-11, but we all had a great time. Gabriel told me in his own special way that he can't wait for baseball season to start up next year and is practicing his numbers by counting down the days to the beginning of Ranger Spring Training.

First Ranger Game

Stanley's Garden

I wanted to do something special to remember Stanley, and decided that planting something would be the best way to go. Originally I thought about a tree, but we already planted a tree this year. I decided to take the spot where I had my herb garden and make a new garden. I wanted mostly perennials so that it would seem more permanent. I had been planning and arranging and changing my mind for a couple of weeks. When I finally found some Turk's Cap at Lowe's I knew I had my design started. I also decided after wandering around several nurseries that a trellis would be pretty in the spot, so I bought some Sweet Autumn Clematis. My Mom and Dad, wanting to help out to preserve their grand-dog's memory, contributed for the trellis. We already had our St. Francis statue, and I knew I wanted to use it in the spot somehow. What greater symbol than the Patron Saint of animals for Stanley's Garden?

Two Saturdays ago I got down to work. I wanted to dig down a foot and mix the existing soil with some organic compost. I also had some great earthworm-filled dirt from my big bucket of oregano that had been growing for a couple of years that I mixed in also. This was much harder work than I have done in a LONG time, and I realized I've let myself get pretty out of shape since I had Gabriel. But it felt so good to be outside, sweating, and working really hard, especially for a good reason. I worked for four and a half hours (thanks to Jav for watching Gabriel all morning!), and I'm just so proud of the way it turned out. This was my first attempt to design a garden, and I think it went pretty well.

Garden pictures

I had been searching for Turk's Cap since spring, and didn't realize the nurseries don't offer it until late summer or fall. Even then, there wasn't much left when I got there. I'd love to find someplace to plant more next year. I can already tell how hardy it is.
I want to add some smaller annuals along the front each season, starting with mums within a few weeks.
The happy trellis. I feel so peaceful everytime I look at the garden. What a great way to remember my faithful sweet Stanley.

Little man of steel

My son is standing and swiveling me around in the desk chair and laughing gleefully as I try to type.

The golden hour

Gabriel and I don't have much of a schedule, other than feeding and nap times. These stay relatively the same every day. We try to walk Molly in the morning, but only because it's still so dang hot right now. Later when cooler weather hits we can walk her anytime during the day. I used to run errands before lunch every day (once again, because of the hot weather), but now that's pretty flexible too. So our day waxes and wanes depending on what I'm trying to get done, with the occasional doctor appointment or pressing something-or-other thrown in.

My day has gotten easier as Gabriel has matured. I have more time to do chores or laundry while he plays on his own, or I can bring a bunch of toys with me into the room I need to work in, and Gabriel and I will play while I'm getting things done. Most of the housework gets done during the week this way. None of our day is too rushed or stressful, but I stay pretty busy. That is, until about 5 or so. Without a doubt my favorite time of the day is the hour or so before I start dinner, Gabriel watches one of his Baby Einstein DVDs, and we know Jav is on his way home from work.

Many days we'll spend this time outside (if the mosquitoes don't drive us in the house), languishing on a quilt and listening for different birds. Molly's always out with us, chewing on her sticks, and not even pausing every now and then when Gabriel wants to climb on her for a little while. Bones is also out with us, and lately Henry's been joining us too. Sometimes I'll fake being asleep, which always gets Gabriel to laugh and then come poke me in the belly button to wake me up. Sometimes we'll play my version of "Airplane", with me holding Gabriel with his belly balanced on top of my head while I whirl in circles. Sometimes I'll carry him around the yard looking for bugs or different leaves or flowers. He loves to swing at the wind chimes, and now gets upset if I forget them.

Last Friday we hung out in the family room with any toy he has with wheels. He all of a sudden likes to push cars or trucks or trains on my great grandmother's old cedar chest, the top of which was scratched up and water damaged years ago. I just sit and marvel at how much of a little boy he has turned into, and wonder about how fast my little baby boy is growing up. I had my Ipod playing too, and a couple of times I'd yank him up and we'd take a turn about the dance floor, even remembering how to two-step, which I haven't done in awhile. It's just blissful to get to spend time with him like this. Really lazy, unhurried time. Plus we know Jav is on his way home, which is another reason to feel happy. It's the best time of the day.

Happy Birthday Gabriel-your first year has flown by!

I want to remember...

his little dimples in his hands, and watching him open and close his fingers when he felt different fabrics and textures.

his rocking back and forth on his hands and knees, and then standing on his hands and tippy toes trying with all his might to move forward instead of backward.

his arms flapping up and down with excitement anytime any or all of the pets were around, and especially all of his time with Stanley.

his little mouth making an "o" with his lips wrapped around his gums everytime he really wanted to tell us something.

his face, even though every morning he resembled a different member of the family when he woke up - my brother, Jav's sister, both of our Dads, his cousin Cade, but always with Jav's cheeks.

his smile first thing every morning when I walked into his room, or when he was proud about something new he had learned.

his laugh, right from the belly, first when the cats came into his room chasing the tape measure, and then when I danced a little jig over and over again, then later when his grandmother tossed the ball up in the air and caught it again and again.

his crazy bunny hop crawling.

his lip that would stand out a mile long when he got really upset, really fast.

his fingers which he would hold with his other hand and stretch his arms over his head.

his voice, crying "ma ma ma ma ma" when he wanted anything at all, and his constant humming through meals.

his bashful pose that he still does anytime we squeeze Rubber Duckie, with his shoulders hunched forward and his head down.

his need to pat his chest or tummy every time he sings, and now his need to pat us to make us sings too.

his sweet baby smell, coming from his head while I read him a book in my lap.

his warmth, feeling his head against my chest and his arms around my neck as I rocked him to sleep.

To sign or not to sign

Our neighborhood is right in the middle of the Urban Gas Drilling controversy. We've received one letter asking us to sign a 5-year lease. Then, another letter explaining that the drilling that will be taking place in the Tandy Hills nature area will be moving forward with the utmost regard for the environmental concerns that the residents are all voicing. Our neighborhood association President has thrown himself into this debate (as he throws himself into every issue in our neighborhood), and is on a Task Force to get all of our questions answered. Jav added me to his email list after deciding that I would be very interested in everything that's going on.

He was right! After reading the three email he sent out today regarding the matter, I am now leaning towards fighting any drilling at all, especially in an area that is one of the last pure Texas prairie grasslands. I love the beauty of this state more and more as the years go by, and appreciate the uniqueness of that beauty.

Here is the article that our President forwarded that really sums up what I think about the whole thing.