Songs

Gabriel has become accustomed to my singing, and especially to me singing certain songs. It's weird how fast certain songs fell into my repertoire and never left. Some songs have alot of historical value to me, and some just sort of happened.

I sing to him when he wakes up (Good Morning from Singin' in the Rain, Oh What A Beautiful Morning from Oklahoma, Zip A Dee Doo Dah, or It's A Jolly Holiday from Mary Poppins).

I sing to him before naps (I'm Only Sleeping by the Beatles, On the Good Ship Lollipop (which I remember my grandparents singing to me every time I spent the night at their house), The Candy Man, and Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head while it was raining every day) For some reason, nap songs have to have some bounce to them. He goes right to sleep with a little bounce.

I sing to him in the car - whatever is in the CD player or comes up on the IPOD.

I sing to him at night, if Jav doesn't get him right to sleep (humming my favorite Nocturne by Chopin that makes a great lullaby, Stay Awake from Mary Poppins, Walking After Midnight by Patsy Cline, and Till There Was You by the Beatles, and an old lullaby my Mom used to sing to my brother and me, All Through The Night)

When he was three months old, it was just before Christmas, so I would sing every Christmas carol I know to him. My favorites were Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (LOVE that song) and Everybody's Waitin' For The Man With The Bag (very good and bouncy for naps). I can't believe it's almost time to sing those again.

Because I sing the same songs at the same time every day, it puts him in "the zone" to sleep. Lately I've tried to throw some new ones in (Sweet Baby James by James Taylor and a couple of others) and they don't put him in the zone. Maybe I need to add them in heavier rotation until they catch on. I wonder if he will remember any of these, or if he hears one later on in life, I wonder if something about it will make him nostalgic without really knowing why.

I guess the only reason for this posting is so that I will remember. Since Jav took over giving Gabriel his last bottle and putting him to bed about 3 months ago, I had already forgotten about the Chopin lullaby until I listened to my Chopin CD the other day and started bawling. Things change mighty fast these days.

Summer fun

Why can't everyone think like Sesame Street?

This song plays on Gabriel's Sesame Street 25th anniversary DVD. I love what it's saying and it never fails to make me cry.

Piano lessons

Every once in awhile I get to listen to Selected Shorts on NPR, where famous short stories are read by actors. It's always a good listen. The one last Sunday night was called Simple Exercises for the Beginning Student by Alex Ohlin. It was about an 8-year-old boy whose parents were having marital problems, but he found solace in taking piano lessons. The descriptions of the piano teacher, the way she wrote out the pieces he was to practice that week in very meticulous handwriting in a little notebook he kept, the nervousness of the boy as he realized how little he had practiced all week..all of this brought back so many memories.

I really feel like I should be thumped in the head sometimes for squandering away the gift my grandparents gave me (they paid for my lessons) for nine years. I don't really remember if I liked taking piano or not. I know I didn't practice enough, just the bare minimum to get by at the next lesson. I was always really nervous before recitals, and once completely went blank about halfway through a piece. I'll never forget that music, or how horrible that moment was. I paused for what seemed like hours to me (it was probably only seconds), went back and started again and made it through the second time. I guess I had many recital experiences that were pretty good, but it's always the bad moments you remember more.

I remember wishing I could write in cursive the way my teacher, Mrs. Sills, did. She was so patient with me, and even though I'm sure she knew I didn't practice very much, she never said anything more severe than, "I hope you'll practice more this week,." when it came time for me to leave. The piano was in her very formal living room, and it was always so quiet in her house. I remember that the next student would come in and sit on the sofa waiting for me to finish, and I would think, "Ha ha-you've still got to do your lesson, but I'm almost finished and get to go home." I think the lessons were hard for me to get through because I knew on some level that I was disappointing her - not living up to my potential.

I've seen Mrs. Sills occasionally through the years and once she asked me if I still played. I was so embarrassed to tell her not really. I think if I had a piano I would play. When I think about it now I wish I would have practiced and paid attention more. I heard recently that Mrs. Sills was ill, and I said a little prayer for her.

The last sad post for awhile

I was feeling a bit happier today, and was trying to catch up on some good blog reading that I've gotten behind on. First I read this poem in Kathy's, which made me feel a little sad but also made me smile. Then I read this one in Elisa's, and I was a goner for a good 15 minute cry. What a lovely tribute to a family dog. Interesting how sometimes in life you happen upon things that were exactly what you needed at that moment.

And I am now ready to have a happier post tomorrow.

Magical Thinking

Joan Didion wrote a wonderful memoir about the year following the unexpected death of her husband. It is so honest and true, and is really a worthwhile read for anybody since we all have to experience death in our lives.

I'm feeling some of the feelings she shared in the book. At times, I'm ok and at peace with the fact that Stanley's no longer here and suffering. But then something reminds me of him, some daily part of my routine or a certain place in the house, and it literally feels like someone has punched me in the heart with more force than I can take. I start thinking very irrational thoughts about how to reverse the decision I made and bring him back. And I'd like him back healthy and younger, not sick. I start apologizing to God for attempting to take his place for a day and deciding to end a life. I just want to see that face one more time, pet his soft head again, and hear his little toenails clicking on the hardwood floors as he wanders the house trying to figure out which room I'm in.

It's such a selfish thing, I admit it. It's all to make me feel better and not have to go through this pain. The pain is what makes you lose all sense of reality. Would I really want Stanley to have tried to keep going just so that I wouldn't have to go through this? Of course not. But rational thoughts are few and far between at this point. I was vacuuming and thinking that I hope I don't vacuum up all of Stanley's hair, because that would be sad. I get impatient with poor Molly because I expect her to follow me around the house like Stanley did, which she doesn't really do. I notice Henry seems to be looking for his canine buddy. I watched the video that I shot last Sunday of all of us in the backyard while Gabriel was in his baby pool, so that I could see him still alive. Anything to keep from having to completely let go of him right now.

My friend Sue said it best in her sweet email to me - she's praying that my heart starts to accept what my mind knew I had to do. I'm sure it will eventually. One of my favorite Indigo Girls songs is The Language or the Kiss. There's a line that goes, "There was a table set for six, and five were there... I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair." The song is really about the choice between love and a career, but I've always thought about that line as how you would feel after losing a loved one, and how trying to eat a meal afterwards would make you feel so lonely. We have a house that's set for 9 and 8 are there. And I see him everywhere still.

The last few weeks

Just a warning that people who do not really love dogs aren't going to get my next couple of posts.

I have been questioning alot lately whether or not it's easier to deal with unexpected death or one that you know is coming. On the one hand, if you know it's coming you have time to say goodbye, time to make sure you say or do all the things to let that person (or animal, in this case) know how much you love them, how much they have meant to you, and how much you will miss them. But the waiting is so tough, the wondering how he's feeling, second guessing every change in routing as a warning that something is wrong and maybe it's time.

I really tried to live day-to-day, and each morning when I woke up would be a good morning if Stanley seemed ok. That's how we got through most of the summer, with a few down days. But for the most part he continued to amaze me with his energy every morning while walking. It didn't really dawn on me that the rest of his days were spent pretty sedentary. Or that I was having to really prod him to go outside, and to get him off the porch to go into the grass and take care of business. I got it into my head that I was helping him because he was so old, not because he was sick. His eating was cut down by half, but I chalked that up more to the heat.

The last couple of weeks, in retrospect, were even harder for him. He had always met us at the door upon returning from anywhere with a waggy tail and a happy yip, but he was only meeting us every once in awhile. I was having to practically pick him up to get him outside in the evenings, and would have to wait sometimes 15 -20 minutes before he'd go out into the yard. I kept telling myself that I would do anything for him, but I was really ignoring all the signs. I guess my biggest two things I was focusing on was how he was eating and if he could still go on our walks. This week he stopped wanting to eat. Then Thursday morning he was in such discomfort all through the walk that I had to stop lying to myself. He barely moved around the house all day. Jav said to wait and see how he felt in the morning, which was always our out for not doing anything that day, and having hope for one more day. My Mom helped me see that I shouldn't keep doing that to Stanley. She said that he loved me so much he would probably keep going until he just dropped, and did I really want that?

Friday morning he didn't seem much different. I started to not take him on a walk, but Jav insisted we go for just a short one and said he would take care of Gabriel. I'm so thankful he did that because even though he was slow at first, we ended up having a pretty good walk. But he still didn't want to eat. I called the vet and he said he would come to the house at 4, which was good because Jav had said he'd leave early from work if I needed him to. The day was so hard, and so surreal. I spent it going from being on automatic pilot and cleaning the house so I wouldn't think about it to laying on the floor with my arms around him. It was such a roller coaster all day. I'm so thankful that Jav's Mom kept Gabriel for 3 hours, because I was really unfit to take care of him and I didn't want my sadness to rub off on him. I determined that it would be easier to start taking all of Stanley's things and putting them away while he was still here. This sounds awful, but I just didn't want to see anything that would remind me of him afterwards.

My mother was a saint all day, coming by to say goodbye to Stanley around noon and then realizing that she had to be with me at 4. She stayed with Gabriel in his room so Jav could hold me, and I could hold Stanley. Stanley got up and wagged his tail when Dr. Norris came inside (he always loved going to the vet, who is just the nicest, warmest man in the world). I really faltered when Dr. Norris asked if we were sure we wanted to do this. I wanted to scream at him, "No, it's the last thing in the world I want to do". But Mom said I had to be the strong one, and so I just nodded. I had one arm around Stanley and Jav was holding my other hand when he died. I don't think I've ever had a sadder moment in my life. After they left Mom brought Gabriel out to me to hold, which helped. But I was just so empty.

Then I had to realize that life goes on, and I needed to feed the other pets (the cats were all very upset that the vet had been in the house, and Molly was just upset and looking for Stanley). It was exhausting, trying to keep my emotions in check and then let them fly every now and then all day long. After we ate dinner I felt like a train had run over me. And no matter how hard I tried not to, I kept thinking that we rushed the decision, that he could have gone on another week, which is ridiculous to even think about.

I am so glad that I had the time this summer to spend with Stanley, from the walks in the mornings to the patient trips outside in the evenings. Every time I go for a walk, he will still be by my side. I'm so glad he got to be around Gabriel, and that Gabriel loved him so much. I'm so glad Jav was able to show him such kindness and love. And no matter how hard it is to say goodbye, I can't even contemplate how much sadder my life would have been without him in it.

Goodbye, my best friend

Stanley the Wonder Dog, February 1994 - August 2007

When I grow up I wanna be a ...

I was offered what most sane people would have considered a dream job for a stay-at-home Mom a couple of weeks ago. I would have been able to work from home and set my own hours, all without too much loss of time with Gabriel. The job was offered by a good friend of mine's husband, who has his own software consulting, installation, and maintenance business. He customizes the software for small businesses and has done really well for himself. His bookkeeper quit last March and he'd been trying to keep up with things on his own ever since. He was finding it too difficult to be both a bookkeeper and a salesman/technician, and thought about me. I think the work itself would have been comparatively easy after the initial learning curve of learning new software and how he likes things done.

I thought about this long and hard, and had decided to accept. But my husband kept putting the brakes on my enthusiasm. He wondered if the small addition of income every week would be worth my time given up with Gabriel. But he also reminded me that back in December when I quit, I vowed to try something different, something besides accounting. Something I really wanted to do that would not be a hum-drum "I do this work because I have to" job.

What a wonderful husband I have, and I am SO glad he stopped me. I called the man and politely declined his offer. Since then I have been really thinking about what I want to do when I go back to work, and I've decided I really want to teach yoga. I have just brushed the surface of learning about this ancient and complex subject, which is so much more than just a physical workout. It's also mental and spiritual, and can change your whole way of life and looking at things. I know how much better I feel since I started practicing, and I'm excited about the thought of learning more about it so that I can teach others. It would require an initial investment of money and time to become a certified instructor. It would also require creativity, confidence and passion to find a teaching position (or positions). But if it's something you love, all of this doesn't sound very daunting, just exciting.

Of course, I have a very capricious nature, and might change my mind between now and then. But as for right now, having this dream to work towards feels really good.

I fought the law..at 11 months old

Jav had told me that pushing the buttons on the telephone provided Gabriel with a source of entertainment for a good 10 minutes or so, just long enough to check emails and maybe even answer a couple. So today he was pushing like crazy, and I was listening for the dial tone, just in case, and it starts ringing. But he hit a button before I could get to it. This happened 3 times before I finally took it away from him, thinking it was Jav calling from DC where he was been in his good friend's wedding. The phone rang, and it was the FW fire department. Someone in our home had just dialed 911. I was horrified, and apologized about 3 times, explaining it was my baby boy playing with the phone. The guy was very nice about it, had me verify my address and said he would cancel the call. So about 4 minutes later the doorbell rings. It was, of course, the police. I humbly opened the door (as humble as I could be with a towel wrapped around my head and a feisty boy in my arms), explained what had happened, had to give my name and birth date, and apologize like crazy a few more times.

We have both learned today that the telephone is not a toy.

I want to fly like an eagle

It's sometimes hard for me to find the energy to take the dogs for a walk every morning. But we see some of the neatest things that early.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed sometimes one and sometimes two hawks in an area of our neighborhood. I seemed to always see them in the same spot, right around a very tall but dead tree. Then last week while walking Stanley (a couple of streets from the originial hawks), I heard the strangest bird call. It just sounded so different compared to the neighborhood birds I'm used to hearing. I kept thinking about it until we got home, and it hit me that it might have been a hawk. The next day, we saw it. A lone hawk was sitting in, once again, a very tall dead tree, and it was making the call over and over. Maybe that one has a mate too, but we haven't seen it yet.

Now that I know what to listen for, I'm hoping to spot them even more often now. This morning we saw all three, and one even swooped down towards us. I'm thinking of taking the camera one morning, although I think they are too high up to get a decent shot. I remembered that raptors hunt with their vision only, so they like those trees because it gives them such a good vantage point.

I start wondering all kinds of things as I watch them either soaring overhead or checking us out as we walk by. What do think of us? Are they nervous because of the dogs? Is the solo one calling out to find a mate, or for some other reason? Do the people in those houses even know that they have something so cool living in or around their yards? Did that one swoop down to scare us, or because he or she looked at Gabriel as a giant baby possum? (I'd like to see one try to get a beak around his chubby arm.) All I know is I love watching them. That's why I find the energy for our walks, because I forget about the day's schedule and any problems or woes and just take in the moment.

Stupid funny

I forgot to list another of my favorite TV shows on my "40" blog, because we've only seen it three times now. It's an HBO show called Flight of the Conchords and it's such candy for my tired brain. It's two guys in a not very successful band, and both seem to be one taco short of a combination plate. They make up songs based on what's going on in their lives and the lyrics are very stream-of-consciousness, but hysterical. And they sing their songs in a music video with choreography, costumes and extras, then it goes back to just them living their regular boring lives. The oddest thing is they are both really good musicians and composers, and the songs stay with me for days, even though they are so silly. I'll find myself humming them and laugh out loud. The last episode (Girlfriends) had one of the guys with a crush on a girl who sold him his croissant every morning, so all of a sudden they were all riding around on bicycles with pastel colored clothes and it looked like a 60's Catherine Deneuve movie. The funniest part (as usual) was the lyrics, which sounded like someone reading out of a French language textbook. Numbers, colors, very simple verb conjugations. Here it is, click on Foux Da Fa Fa. So stupid it verges on genius. I love it.

Rock star

My oldest cat's name is officially Bones. Not because he was a skinny runt, even though he was. He was named by an ex-boyfriend, after a mobster in the movie Get Shorty. The same ex-boyfriend talked me into getting a kitten, even though I really didn't think I was much of a cat person. We got the kitten to entertain his 5-year-old daughter. This seemed like a good plan at the time, but then 6 months later we broke up. I was a wreck, mostly because I missed the daughter. Every time I looked at Bones I thought about her, and for awhile thought about trying to find another home for him. But then I suddenly became a cat person. Sort of, because Bones is really more like a dog than a cat at times.

I had to feed him diluted baby food through a dropper after I brought him home from the North Richland Hills Animal Shelter. He is the only one of my cats that was properly weaned from his mother, but that didn't stop him from getting an infection in the kennel. He quickly recovered and became the cutest, healthiest and prettiest kitten. He and Stanley made fast friends, which I was relieved to see. After I had him a year he seemed to really want to go outside, so I started taking him out on a leash, much to his horror and embarrassment, I'm sure. But he got to know the yard, and before long I could leave him out and not worry about him running off or getting lost.

As each new cat was brought into the house, Bones became less and less tolerant of them. Henry was grudgingly accepted, and Bones even became a surrogate mother to him. But Zoe made him a little angry and standoff-ish, and Fred pushed him over the edge. He has never liked being around them, but at least doesn't fight with them. After Fred, Bones wanted to stay outside more and more, especially in the nice weather months. He's always come in at night, though, since that's when most cat fights occur. People tell me that after a cat is neutered he will either become a ruthless hunter or a fighter. Bones went the fighter route. It's hard for me to believe now that during all the years at the Cooks house, he never got sick or very injured, even though a couple of times he came home limping and once had a small chunk taken out of his ear.

When we moved to this house, we kept him in for six weeks. I knew it would be hard, but somehow we got through it. I had a week off after that and started going out with him for longer and longer periods of time until he had enough of his scent in the yard to be able to find our yard if he wandered off. He still didn't really like being in the front yard because he was used to the old house being really far away from the street and any traffic. He quickly claimed the garage as his "get away from it all" territory. He comes in during really hot or cold weather, but not for more than 3 or 4 hours, then he wants back outside or in the garage. We have all been accepting of this arrangement, although Bones has never seemed as happy as he was in the woods around the old house.

Several months back, we realized we were hearing alot of cat fights and decided to make sure Bones was locked in before dark and not let out of the garage until full daylight. But one cat has been hanging around our garage door (we keep it cracked so Bones can go in and out, and also for ventilation), even during the day.

Three weeks ago, I noticed Bones eating less and less, and finally not at all. I had originally assumed he was just acclimating to the heat, but then I got worried. When I took him to the vet he had a fever of 105.3. The vet said that 105 was his cutoff point for testing for infectious diseases, only he didn't come out and say it like that. It took me the rest of the appointment to realize that something pretty bad was happening. We've always kept up with Bones's vaccinations since he's an inside/outside cat, but there are no vaccines (or cures) for FIT (Feline Infectious something or other), or Feline A.I.D.S.

He tested positive for Feline A.I.D.S. So then we agreed to sending the original blood test for detailed testing (which cost us an ungodly amount of money) that would tell us if he was just a carrier or if he had the full-blown virus. Either way, the vet encouraged us to make him stay inside or in the garage. Either way, he would be a threat to the other cats if they fought and blood was exchanged. As I said earlier in the post, none of our cats have ever had a serious fight with each other, but Bones has a tendency to get destructive when he's kept inside for too long. I kept thinking that at least he's nine years old now, and maybe he's mellowed and this won't make him too unhappy. I started cheating and letting him go out in the backyard while Gabriel and I had breakfast in the mornings, or just to hang out for 20 or 30 minutes at a time. I spent to week of waiting trying to accept that this happened and figuring out an arrangement that would make Bones happy somehow.

The vet called and told us that the test came back negative. As in he doesn't have Feline A.I.D.S., or anything. The first test was a false positive. Something about antibodies in his system, but now they're gone, or something like that. I don't really care as long as he's ok. And now I don't feel like we wasted that ungodly amount of money, because Bones is back outside part-time and we are all happier for it. I am keeping a closer eye on him, however, and trying to prevent him from wandering too far from the house so that we won't have to go through this again.

The really good thing to come out of this is that we're spending more time with Bones, who was easy to take for granted. He is our "welcome home" guy, because he pops out from under the garage door anytime we come home or someone comes to the house. Gabriel and I are continuing our bistro breakfasts because of Bones. He really is a sweet cat who loves to hang out with us outside since there are no other cats around vying for our attention. I'm so glad he's ok.

Oh, I almost forgot the reason for the title of this post. Bones has lots of nicknames. Bonesey, Mr. BonesJangles, and the one Jav and Sandra gave him because of his mane of hair, the Rock Star.

40

Here's what's happening in my life on the day I turned 40: (yesterday)

Gabriel is growing, communicating more and more every day, and about to walk any day now. He loves books and music and is just a happy healthly little boy. He chased me at his top crawl speed around the house yesterday with a frenzied laugh and I am amazed by him all day long.

Jav is settling into his new job nicely, and is so glad to be rid of his hellish commute every day. He doesn't even get on a highway now. The three of us get to eat dinner together almost every night. He got me great birthday presents, including tickets to see Raul Malo, an Ipod docking station and charger for the car (which was actually from Gabriel, who loves to listen to Mommy's tunage in the car), and a Central Market gift card for a cooking class. I love him so much, and his patience for me and dealing with this crazy house and all of our animals amazes me all day long. We're trying, hoping and praying for baby number two.

All of our parents and siblings (including sister-in-law) and niece and nephew are doing great, and I love family get-togethers on either side. I wish sometimes that we could get both sides together more often. Cade is getting so big, but loves how Gabriel already worships every move he makes. Every time I see Macy, she warms up to me a little more and I get to know her very unique and cute personality.

I just watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", and it reminded me of how much I love my friends and am thankful we've made the efforts to stay close all these years.

I love seeing my Goddaughter Grace growing up and turning into a beautiful, smart and very artistic girl. We have her artwork up here and there all over the house. I'm also glad about getting closer to Gabriel's Godparents, Keith and Christine, and being a part of Jav's Godson Andrew's life.

My furry kids are all ok for the moment, with the Wonder Dog Stanley still hanging in there despite all odds. Gabriel and I get up early and walk both dogs so that Stanley will have a good day. We thought Bones (our oldest and mostly outdoor cat) was really sick, but it turns out he used up another one of his lives (we figure he has about 6 left now) and is actually ok. I'll have a separate posting about this later. Fred is doing SO much better now that his problem teeth are gone. He's starting to gain weight and we see him all the time now. Henry is a much happier camper now that we are letting him out in the backyard every morning. And Zoe and Molly are just happy, like always. (Interesting that the two female furry kids are the ones with no problems).

I might have a job working from home on my own schedule, which truly seems like a gift from above. I'll know more in the next couple of days.

I love my book club girls, and the chance to get to read all kinds of different things.

My favorite TV shows of the moment are Big Love (who knew a show about polygamy would be SOOO delicious and addicting?), Saving Grace with Holly Hunter (she could be on the Gong Show and make it a good show), and Top Chef. I can't wait for The Office to start up again.

The best movie I've seen lately is Little Miss Sunshine. I could watch it over and over and never get tired of it. The movie I really want to see right now is Breach (about spy Robert Hanson). The movie we just finished was The Tao of Steve, which is just such a charming movie.

My great achievement of the moment is that Jav and I cleaned out the garage over the last two Sundays and are selling all of our stuff in a garage sale at Jav's sister's next weekend.

We finally got the new squirrel-proof birdfeeder up in the front yard and have at least two cardinal couples and all kinds of other birds eating like crazy now.

One bad thing about my birthday is that Barry Bonds bogusly (is that a word?)broke the homerun record. Other things in the national news are the fallout from the Minnesota bridge collapse last week and the miners in Utah that are stranded with people working around the clock to get to them. The biggest topics worldwide are Global Warming (finally) and Iraq and the continuing violence in the Middle East.

There are some things I'm sad about - slowly losing Stanley, missing my grandparents and wishing they could have seen Gabriel, missing a really good friend that I had for a long time but don't now, and on a large scale, realizing how little people care about the planet and protecting all the diverse plants and animals on it. But all in all, my life's never been better. I wake up and feel pretty old first thing in the morning, but it always works itself out during the day. It's a good life, and I'm thankful for all that's in it.

I live for times like this

What a weekend. We realized we had a very rare no-plans-whatsoever empty space on the calendar. Friday night we actually ate dinner together, something we could never do when Jav worked in Plano.

Saturday morning we decided to take Gabriel on his first trip to the Fort Worth Zoo. Keep in mind we were thinking we wouldn't stay very long. It was around lunchtime but we had no food, other than raisins and a fruit roll-up. We get there and wait 30 minutes to get into the parking lot. Then we are told the bathrooms in the entire zoo aren't working. We had an option to turn around and go home, but decided to stick it out. We looked at it like we were filming an episode of Survivor: Zoo Day. It rained on us a couple of times, we were hot and sweaty from the high humidity, and hungry due to my lack of planning. But we had an absolute blast anyway! Gabriel really couldn't focus on many of the big, lumbering animals. But he saw some of the monkeys, the elephants, the parrots and macaws, and the zebra. He was smiling and laughing the whole time, probably just because we were outside, in a new place with lots of kids, and with both Mommy and Daddy. His favorite part seemed to be the waterfalls.

Then Jav and I spontaneously decided to have a date night, another very rare occurrence. Now you may think, oh how nice, they wanted to be grown-ups for an evening, have a sophisticated dinner out where they talked about something besides baby poop for awhile. Well, we went to see the latest Harry Potter movie. And then proceeded to discuss it over fried oysters and cold Shiner at J&J Oyster Bar. How wonderful to have a husband who will participate in silly but totally fun outings like this. And in case you're wondering, the movie was not as good as the last two. Everyone is blaming the director, but I think it's the screen writers fault more than anything. I think it would be really hard to translate the books into movies as they go on, because the books get longer and more complex, but they don't want to have a three hour movie. My biggest problem was not being able to understand what anyone was saying. They all seemed to be talking too fast and mumbling.

Anyway, this morning we went to have breakfast at Esperanza's, another favorite place of ours that we haven't been to post-baby. I got my favorite, molletes (bakery bread with beans and cheese and pico de gallo, only I had them hold the pico since I shared with Gabriel), homemade guacamole and tortillas, and a bowl of arroz con leche. Gabriel ate all of this with such relish that I couldn't keep up with him. As soon as I would cut up his little pieces, he would eat them and look at me ready for more. Jav was worried he was going to get sick, but instead he just fell asleep as soon as we drove out of the parking lot.

I feel like we had a vacation without ever leaving Fort Worth!

Private joke to my husband: Honey, I'm adding one more thing to my birthday wish list. An autographed signed portrait of Marty Feldman to hang up in the kitchen. I'm sure some Ebay browsing will turn something up.

Food Glorious Food

Gabriel is doing wonderfully with his introduction to the world of food. Tonight I made tostadas with refried black beans and chicken and avacado, plus some Spanish rice with zucchini chopped up in it. The only difference between my meal and Gabriel's was that he had soft corn tortillas and alot less refried beans. If someone had told me that I could feed him what we eat at 10 months I would not have believed it.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes

Jav started a new job this week, and we are pretty excited about it. He left Perot Systems, with their 20,000+ employees worldwide, for a smaller, privately owned company called Sonitrol. They are a security company that uses sound to monitor businesses and the occasional wealthy residence. (We actually used Sonitrol where I used to work with much success). They've been around since the 60's, and have been really growing over the past couple of years, buying up smaller security companies here and there. They have only 700 employees nationwide. Jav says the difference in the sizes of the companies is already like night and day.

We are glad about this for so many reasons. First off, Jav has his same boss that he worked very well with at Perot. She actually stole him away, which means she knows what a great employee and all-around great person Jav is. Jav already knows what to expect from her, and that she is very fair about letting him off for family things if necessary. Secondly, he has room to possibly move up here. He had pretty much hit the ceiling at Perot, unless he wanted to start over in another department. And I think he will find more satisfaction in a smaller company where his voice will be heard. And thirdly, he's closer to home. Instead of his one-way commute taking an hour and a half, in takes him 45 minutes with heavy traffic. And I know where the place is since we drove out the day before his interview to find it. (I never really wanted to see Perot. I had a picture of an almost cult-like place in my head.) It's also nice that he didn't really have to pound the pavement looking for a new job. I truly hope he will be happy at Sonitrol, and have a gut feeling that he will be.

Also, my sister-in-law is leaving her teaching position at the private Catholic school she's held for 15 years for one at a public school in Mansfield, where she's been named head of the department. I'm very glad she was brave enough to leave her comfort zone and venture into unknown waters. Go Sandra!

And, my Dad, at the ripe old age of 63, was promoted from Assistant Principal to Principal. He will head up Jo Kelly (sorry about the previous mispelling-I assumed it was named after a man), a wonderful school for severely disabled kids. I think my Dad is great, of course. But it really does take a special kind of person to want to care for these kids. It can be very stressful, and upsetting (dealing with their private lives), and I am so proud of my Dad for not only achieving this post, but for wanting to change to a career where he is making a difference in so many kids' lives.

Mexico

I knew that our trip to Monterrey would be tough. I've been with Jav's family once before, and had a little nervous breakdown about halfway through the trip, sobbing and telling him, "your family doesn't do things like my family". This is in no way a condemnation of his family, all of whom are wonderful, nice people who have accepted me right from the get-go. This is just a statement of fact, and one that I am learning to get around.

First off, everything starts later. You get up later, you eat later, you stay up alot later. And no one seems to be in a big hurry to do anything. This is probably alot healthier than what we do in the U.S., which is to rush, rush, rush everywhere everyday. When you are invited over to someone's house, it is not for an hour or two, but six or seven hours, plus an hour each way for traffic. (It takes an hour to get anywhere in the whole city, which I can't quite figure out the math on). So if we were supposed to head over to Tio Arturo and Tia Rosi's house for a meal, I had to bring two meals and a snack for Gabriel. I also learned that he would need at least one nap while we were there. The first day this didn't go very well. It was really hot (100 degrees+) and most people do not have air conditioning in the living areas. The good cool air is saved for nighttime sleeping. Gabriel was just too hot and uncomfortable to go to sleep the first day. But the other days we were led to the air conditioned bedrooms just as he was getting sleepy, and he did ok. I was greatful to have the opportunity to be in a cool room while he slept. By the last day I was sleeping with him, which meant I had finally accepted the Mexico mentality.

Another thing that stresses me out about these trips is the fact that I don't speak fluent Spanish, and I'm not confident enough with the book Spanish I know to try and have conversations. But by the end of the trip I am always surprised how much has come back to me (total immersion really does work), and this trip I actually tried it out a couple of times and was successful. I have so much I'd like to say, or questions I'd like to ask, though, and it's difficult to not be able to communicate except through Jav and his sister.

One constant problem the last time we went to Monterrey was the fact that no one is in a big hurry to eat. Well, (and I know Jav gets sick of hearing me say this), I have low blood sugar and have to eat something pretty substantial or I will first get a nasty headache, then become sick to my stomach, then possibly pass out. I finally learned the solution to this problem is to carry around granola bars and cheese crackers in my purse everytime we leave the house. I would just go in a bathroom and munch on my snacks so that it wouldn't seem rude, and this would carry me over until we had a big meal. Which, by the way, were all muy deliciosas. We had homemade tortillas that would melt in your mouth, chile rellenos stuffed with raisins and veggies, beef with rice and summer squash, and arroz con leche for dessert. Real Mexican food is so much better, and better for you, than Tex-Mex.

The final difference that I have come to accept about visiting Mexico has to do with trying to leave someone's house. Once you know you are ready to go, and you tell everyone you are ready to go, plan on being there for at least another 30-45 minutes while everyone says goodbye. You will kiss everyone's cheek and have a little conversation with them before going onto the next person. This really is a charming trait, but when you are tired and cranky from 6 or 7 hours of trying to fit in, trying to understand what everyone's saying, praying that Gabriel will keep being an angel and letting everyone pass him around, and gone from totally starving to stuffed full at least two times ... this gets to be pretty taxing.

But there were so many moments during the trip that made it all worthwhile. Seeing Jav's mom with her two sisters practically fighting over who would feed Gabriel, and Gabriel's little confused face as he looked at the three of them - how did his one Tita become three? Watching Tia Rosi (Jav's uncle's wife) dance around with Gabriel so fast that his little hand had white knuckles from holding onto her shirt. Seeing Jav's second cousin, beautiful 11-year-old Anita, read Gabriel's book to him in English, her face beaming with pride. Sitting in Jav's cousins' beautiful big backyard (very few people have more than a strip of grass and some concrete), with bouganvillia blooming in big mounds everywhere and the mountains seemingly close enough to touch. Watching Jav's (single and childless) cousin David's face as he walked into his house the first morning after our arrival, with Gabriel's toys, food and baby gear scattered over every inch of it. And Jav and I getting to spend so much time with Gabriel, sleeping in the same room with him, riding in the car with him, watching his little face taking all of these new things and people in. It really was a great trip. And I'll be completely ready for it next time.

The view from cousins Lupis and Chuy's backyard. Monterrey is a beautiful city, but they need to get a handle on the traffic and pollution problems or they could turn into a mini-Mexico city.

Not quite sure what to think about Cousin Jorge's moustache. Jorge video taped our wedding without us even asking him to, which is something I will forever be indebted to him for. He and his wife, Sonja, run a public elementary school named after Jav's grandmother.

Gabriel hanging on for dear life to Tia Rosi as they danced themselves silly.

Cousin Anita with her new afterschool duty.

Tio Arturo and Gabriel - see the family resemblance?

Gabriel with his three "Titas"

Cousin David and girlfriend Fatima. He not only let us stay in his house for the trip, but carted us around anytime we needed to go anywhere. He is good as gold!

Oh ya gotta have...friends

My high school friends and I decided to take ourselves to Fredericksburg to celebrate our 40th birthdays. This was the first trip the four of us have taken together since high school drill team trips (unless there was a trip to visit someone in college that I'm not thinking of).

We left around 2 Friday afternoon. You know, the road trip is something I have definitely missed for the last few years. The anticipation, the music, the snack food in the car. Getting there definitely can be half the fun! Especially when you are in such great company and the laughter just keeps coming and coming.

We stayed in a great B&B called Quinta Mariposa (Country House of the Butterfly), that served us well, other than the wacky layout of the house and the uneven floors that everyone kept tripping over. Oh, and the fact that they didn't serve breakfast. Why even call yourself a B&B for gosh sakes?

We decided to cook our dinners in both nights to save money, and because it's just funner. Spaghetti on Friday night, then some great games of Scene It. And of course the requisite People magazines, etc.. to thumb through - before we knew it, it was 2 in the morning. Well, I was the party pooper all weekend, having to turn in the earliest. But I was actually pretty proud of myself since I normally go to bed at 11.

We left to hit downtown Saturday morning, and had a great time in all of the shops. I decided I want to work in the Kuchen Laden (kitchen supply-I'm not sure about the spelling) store. We had a great lunch (mine would've been better with some German beer-yummy). A trip to get some roadside stand Fredericksburg peaches and a stop at Wal Mart, and as Julie stated in her blog earlier, they are so much nicer in small towns. Then back to our B&B for a late afternoon movie. We chose Animal House, which my husband was so impressed by. He thought we'd pick a chick flick for sure.

Then we had our required eating, Rotel and chips (it's become our signature dish), along with some really good tacos. We played a couple of very fun games of Cranium, then a couple more of Scene It. I had to conk out at that point, while the other girls watched Say Anything.

We were sad to have to pack up and leave the next morning. Why is it just when you're getting used to staying somewhere you have to pack up and leave? But we got to have a great breakfast at a little bakery. We left for home around 11:30. This got us to the Dairy Queen in Hamilton just in time for lunch. There is a little known Texas law that says you must eat at a Dairy Queen in a small town at least once during a road trip, or suffer the consequences.

And the funnest part of the trip was all the conversations, laughter, and memory-sharing you can only have with really good friends that you have known a long, long time. Who have stuck by you in good times and bad, and know you inside and out. This was one trip that I've been waiting for for a long time, and the actual event was even better than the anticipation.

Here are some top-of-my-head moments that I'll always remember: (Some of which we'll have the pictures to help)

the clicking burners-make it stop!

the wacky window in the bathroom/laundry area that looked into the dining room

the porch swing we spent 5 minutes in

the Alice in Wonderland dream I had about someone leaving brightly colored cookies and cakes all over the house during the night

me mistakenly using Julie's toothbrush

the shops that just kept going on forever once we got inside

that Julie forgot to pack underwear, leading to the hysterical underwear shopping and crazy hat-trying on at the 5 and dime

the peach with a couple of bites taken out that the fruit stand man wanted Jana to try

the humming, first me doing Downtown, then Auddie doing Walk This Way during Cranium

the rude woman who wouldn't get up from our breakfast table

I can't wait for the next trip!

Jana's "fresh" peach

Julie and Jana

Me and Auddie

Abner, our mascot

Oh where, oh where has my energy gone?

I've been fretting about something over the past few months. I don't seem to have any energy to do anything lately. I know it takes alot of energy to have a 9-month-old, especially when he weighs 26 pounds. But I used to be able to get SO much done. When Gabriel finally started taking two decent naps a day, I would clean house or work on laundry the whole time he was sleeping. Now, I have to force myself to not lay down and either nap or watch TV every time he takes a nap. I'm barely getting daily chores done. What is the deal? Is it just because I had a child late in life and my age has caught up with me? Have I lost my work ethic and am now just lazier than I used to be? I really want to have another baby, but sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to physically handle it. I have many friends who have two or even three kids, and they seem to run circles around me. Maybe it's just that you find the energy to do what you have to do, when you have to do it, no more and no less. I'm going to go lay down and think about it some more.

Are ya sure this is Texas?

The weather so far this summer has been so refreshing. This is a sentence I don't believe I've ever uttered before. By the end of June, we are normally having upper 90 to 100 degree highs with no chance for rain until the Fall. But so far, we've had rain on and off for the whole month and have barely broken 90 degrees. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be 82! I have always wondered what a "normal" summer experience would be like, where summer is meant to be enjoyed and not just endured. Where it is pleasant to sit outside in the late afternoons, instead of hiding in an air-conditioned house. Where you can feel the cool morning air on your arms in the early morning, instead of the muggy, hard to breath, leftover-from-the-night-before heavy air. Where there is still green everywhere you look, instead of dull, crisp browns. This is going to make me realize what I have been missing all of these summers, and I might just refuse to go back.

June has been busting out all over

This month has been a little hectic, needless to say. I had my wonderful girls weekend in Fredericksburg over the 2nd weekend (full posting to come). The trip was SO fun and therapeutic, but it was a little hard to be away from Gabriel. Jav and Gabriel and I traveled to Monterrey Mexico for 4 nights the next weekend to visit Jav's aunts, uncle and cousins and introduce everybody to Gabriel (full posting to come). This in itself was very stressful to get ready for, because I had to have all suitcases packed, all toys and baby food and baby gear bagged up, plus food for our breakfasts and lunches and snacks bought and bagged up so that Jav's parents could take everything in their truck (they drove, we flew). Plus they stayed an extra day, so we didn't get our stuff back until a couple of days after we got home. I've been playing catch up on housework and laundry ever since, and can't seem to get caught up on my sleep. I feel like I've been packing or unpacking for the last month! I've also had pet stresses, with Fred not eating before we left and now still not feeling too good after his surgery. I was also pretty upset about having to leave Stanley for the trip to Monterrey-he's moving really slow these days and I didn't want to be gone if anything happened, to say nothing of what it would have put my parents through. Speaking of my parents, they are in Colorado with some friends, and we are keeping their dog for 8 nights. And to cap off the month, we're going to see The Police Wednesday night. I think I will finally be rested up enough to really enjoy the show.

As of today, we only have two things to do in July. But for some reason, the activities always multiply every time we turn around.

The Grey Ghost

(Notice the fancy English spelling of Gray...)

Fred is our youngest cat, having just turned 5. He is also our most problematic pet, even outdoing Molly. The reason we call him the Grey Ghost is because very few people have actually seen him.

I hearn him meowing as a very small but adorable kitten underneath some scrub brush at the old house. I, of course, set out to catch him and keep him, even though this meant I was getting dangerously close to becoming the Crazy Cat Lady on the Corner. He was very wily, even as a tiny kitten, and would silently but quickly run to another scrub brush every time I got close. One day Stanley was out in the yard, and for some reason Fred decided to be friends with him, and that's how I caught him. Stanley is one of the few dogs that seems inviting to cats.

Unfortunately, I was going through a bit of a "hermit" period just after I caught Fred and brought him inside. I didn't have many people coming over, and he didn't get used to people at all during his very important imprinting time. I was the only person to hold him, and he doesn't even like me to if it's my idea. In true cat style, any contact has to be on his terms. He seems to be afraid of everything and everybody. He still runs away from Jav most of the time.

Fred also ended up having alot of health problems, which adds to his already skittish nature. He's had one urinary tract infection due to lack of water, and his gums are almost constantly infected. He's better about drinking water as long as his gums are healthy. He has to have a cortizone shot every 6 - 8 weeks for his gums. If he is going through one of his bad gum periods he waits until Gabriel is asleep and Jav and I are finished with dinner before he'll come out and finally try to eat. The other cats seem to pick on him because he is the youngest, and also the runt. This drives me crazy, so I get mad at them and they get even more resentful.

Despite all of this, Fred has very lovable qualities, even though they may only be apparent to me. Once he decides he wants to curl up in your lap, he will stay until you kick him off. He is truly the best hunter in the house, tracking down and killing any bug he happens to see. I think if he was allowed outside he would probably take down all kinds of critters. He is a beautiful cat, with blue-green eyes and silvery fur. I constantly go back and forth about whether or not I should have let him be an outside cat. He either would have thrived, or he wouldn't have made it near this long. I'm just not sure.

We leave for Monterrey today, and because Fred doesn't do well with breaks in routine we need to board him while we're gone. He apparantly has figured this out and has gone into hiding. I will go on doing what I can to help Fred be a happier cat, since I feel guilty that part of the reason he is the way he is is my fault.

I must now leave you to continue my quest for the capture of the elusive Grey Ghost.

6/21/07 addendum: I successfully found Fred before our trip, boarded him, and the vet not only cleaned his teeth, but ended up pulling 4 of his molars (two on each side, where he was having the most problems with his gums). The vet told me this is the first time he's ever done anything this drastic to solve a cat's gums problems, but he really thinks this will help Fred to be a happier guy from now on. It's still too early to tell yet, but I hope he's right.

Give it away Give it away Give it away now

Last week, a very unpleasant smell was wafting from our garage, or so we thought. I was convinced that some small animal had made his or her way into one of the boxes in our garage and never made it back out. I told Jav that our garage was a rat-trap (possibly literally), and we really needed to get it cleaned out. It turned out that the smell was a dead possum that was in the monkey grass on the side of the house. We assume that the direction of the wind that day made it seem like the smell was coming from the garage. But the wheels are in motion in my head now, and I want to tackle that garage.

The problem is, I know we could make a little extra money if we had a garage sale. But I have never had a garage sale, and the thought of having to clean up all of that junk, er, I mean stuff, set it out on card tables or whatever, and ruin a perfectly good weekend of my life makes me a little sick to my stomach, just like the smell did. I really want to start taking it in batches to Good Will. Or better yet, let someone come and pick it up. But then I know I'll feel guilty about not contributing in my small way to making some income for us.

And then there's the Ebay argument. Jav thought it would be great if I could try to sell some of the nicer items of junk, er, I mean stuff, on Ebay. I started with a really pretty Bombay Company jewelry box, which I originally paid around $40.00 for, and was in really good shape. I ended up selling it for my starting bid of $10.00, and then proceeded to spend $20.00 on packaging supplies to get it shipped to the buyer. Then I realized I didn't charge him enough shipping cost, and the 2.50 balance came out of our $10.00. This all made me so mad that I swore I'd never sell anything on Ebay again. Jav thinks this first time shouldn't count in the formation of my opinion, keeps pointing out how much I learned, and wants me to try something else before I completely give up on the idea. So I am going to try again, with an antique pewter twin hurricane lamp. That doesn't work, but is really pretty. And will cost an arm and a leg to ship because it's so fragile.

And if anything goes wrong, I will load up my car the next day with everything I can fit in it, and they will not be able to unload it fast enough at the Good Will drive through.

How are the Mighty Dogs fallen...

I am very, very sad today. I found out yesterday that Stanley, my 13-year-old Wonder Dog, has an aggressive type of cancer. We kept finding little lumps on his sides, and even though I was worried it was probably something serious, I was still hoping the vet would say that they were just cysts. Molly has been staying really close to him (see picture), which only proves dogs have alot more insight than people give them credit for.

This dog has been so wonderful for me, and for all of us in our family. He needed me to help him, and because of that he ended up helping me and pretty much changed my life. I was SO hoping that when it happened, he would just go to sleep one night and not wake up. Now I have to be concerned about whether or not he is in pain (it's so hard to tell with dogs, they can be very stoic), or if I'm trying to hold onto him when I need to let him go. This is really the only really bad thing about owning pets. They just don't live long enough, even though my sweet Wonder Dog has already beaten the odds. I just have to be really positive and love him like crazy until I think it's time. But it sure does hurt.

An apple a day?

Molly, the dog with the incredible iron stomach, decided that one of the fake apple Christmas ornaments (that I use as cat toys) would actually taste pretty good. This was all that was left when I got it away from her. The carpet was a really pretty shade of magenta too. We will add this to the list of amazing things Molly has eaten.

Fun with Activity Mats 101

We have been given three hand-me-down activity mats, and the latest fun thing to do is line them all up like a long tunnel and let Gabriel creep around and go crazy.

Moments of joy

Do you ever have those moments where you feel so profoundly happy that everything in the world seems to make perfect sense for awhile? I seem to always get them early in the morning at sunrise, or at dusk, which makes me think I either have a real connection with the sun or the moon, but I don't know which. I had one tonight. It's been such a great day. Gabriel and Jav gave me a Bougainvillea and a giftcard to Calloway's for our front bed plants. Our neighbors Billie and George brought me a card and a geranium, proving once again that they are the best neighbors in the whole world. Jav went to get my favorite blueberry cake donuts for breakfast. I got to take a nap. We went to see my Mom and give her the garden bunny Gabriel and I picked out, and my Dad got to see Gabriel pulling up on everything and trying to stand. Jav went to get On The Border for dinner (fish tacos=smiling face). We ate outside with Gabriel in the perfect eating outside weather. It was after dinner that I got to have my best gift of the day. I was just standing doing dishes, looking out at our beautiful backyard as the sun went down. I was listening to a combination of Jav and Gabriel having their post-bath goings on and 90.1 At Night, going from Brave Combo to Ella Fitzgerald to an obscure Beatles and then to k.d. lang. The dogs and cats were laying about here and there. And it hit me how incredibly happy I am right now.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful Moms I know, and especially to my own ever-patient, always-there-for me, hilariously funny and totally understanding Mom.

Storms

What is the deal with the weather this year? Maybe we just got complacent over the last couple of years since we had virtually no rain. Our bad weather siren has gone off 8 times so far this year. (Jav thinks whoever runs it has decided to sound it off even when it's not necessary-a CYA move of some sort). We have been in either Gabriel's closet or our internal hallway 7 of those times. The first time was just total panic that we didn't even know where to go in this house. But in the weeks that followed, I have got the storm drill down to an art.

First I get Gabriel to a contained area so I won't have to worry about him. Then I calmly start finding and picking up cats to put in their carriers. I can always catch Henry (poor guy is blind and can't run away all that well), and Bones, and sometimes Zoe. But I have never and will never catch Fred. He burrows under a bed or a couch so far and is extremely wily. He's really more like a ferret than a cat. So he's on his own if push ever really comes to shove. Then I corral the dogs in the hallway by shutting all doors to rooms off the hallway and putting down some boxes in the one open area where there is no door. Then I turn on the radio in Gabriel's room, hunker down and wait. This is a stressful time; not only because of wondering what's happening outside, but because the dogs are restless and panting, the cats are wailing and scratching their carriers, and Gabriel is usually starting to get squirmy. If nothing happens for awhile or the threat seems to go away, we move to our bedroom and watch David Finfrock. Gabriel's first memories are going to be of watching brightly colored storm-tracking radar with Mommy. If we're really lucky, Jav is home to help out with all of this hullabulloo too. But that's only happened twice, and I have accepted the fact that I'm probably on my own. And so far we are very thankful to only have received lighting, thunder, some wind and tons of rain.

I feel for all the people in our area that are having to deal with losses, big and small, from Mother Nature.

On a soapbox, and with a mission

I am passionate about food, cooking and healthy eating. My passion is slowly turning to anger, however, since we decided to be a single-income family.

I think the idea of Whole Foods Market, with organically grown, safe food throughout, is a great idea. I also love the idea of the new small neighborhood markets popping up around the country which stock locally produced organic items (see Amy Culbertson's article in yesterday's Star Telegram). But to shop at these places on a regular basis is completely out of our budget.

Even at Wal-Mart, where I grudgingly shop due to their low prices, I have a hard time staying in our budget. I have determined that it costs less to purchase frozen dinners or the processed boxed kit-type meals than it does to buy each item to make the meal from scratch. It's also cheaper to run by a fast-food restaurant than it is to try to cook. No wonder we have a problem with obesity, high cholesterol and heart disease in this country!

My mission is to start exploring why this is so, and to somehow involve myself in a change. Healthy eating should not be a luxury item for the wealthy, but should be available to everybody as a choice.

When the circus comes to town...

I will never take Gabriel. At least if the circus uses live animals. I have been a contributor to The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee for about 5 years now, and I think that the work they do is truly amazing. It is a huge parcel of land where retired and ailing show elephants can go to rest, play, and remember what it was like to live outside of captivity. Once the elephants make it there, they never have to perform for an audience again. They do allow volunteers, but only to work around the property or in the office - not to see the elephants. They have grown from having just a few Asian elephants to having a large Asian community, an African barn that's growing and a Quarantine barn for newcomers.

Show elephants are picked up in many different ways(straight from the wild, from private owners or from overcrowded zoos), and their lives are pretty terrible from then on. The young are usually separated from their mothers too early. They are made to stand for unbearable amounts of time, and rarely have chances to lay down to sleep, which is the position elephants are naturally inclined to. Because of this they develop severe problems in their feet and legs, and sometimes their entire bone structure. Sometimes they are beaten to rehearse and/or perform, and have multiple injuries along with psychological stress disorders. Also, their health is not looked after well, and they develop tuberculosis or other life threatening diseases. So to be able to finally get to a place where they are loved and cared for, allowed to roam around outside, splash around in mud puddles, and generally have a good time is a reward all of them have earned in their lifetimes.

The way I found about the Sanctuary was through a daughter of a good friend of our family. When Linda was young, she worked with a young elephant at Six Flags names Sissy (or maybe it was at Seven Seas - a precursor to Sea World that used to be located near Six Flags). Years later, Linda developed ovarian cancer, and was given only a short time to live. Somehow, she found out about the Elephant Sanctuary and discovered that Sissy was one of the retired elephants living there. She would watch the web cam day and night in her last months, and when she passed away, her request was for people to consider donating to the Sanctuary in lieu of sending flowers.

I now receive a quarterly newsletter, and love reading about what these dedicated people and volunteers are accomplishing. These majestic creatures do some wondrous things, whether it be playing, showing affection for each other and their caregivers, or gathering around one of their "sisters" when the end is near to sing her on her way. It's so hard to get through those articles when one of them dies, but worth it to learn how much elephants are actually like us.

I know it will be hard to explain all of this to Gabriel when the time comes and all of his friends are going to the circus, but I will let him pick an elephant to feed and turn him on to the web cam. And this post is to persuade anyone with kids to think about doing the same thing. If enough people catch on, maybe the day will come when no one wants to attend circuses using animals, and they are forced to stop the practice altogether.

Organizing Junk

I spent all morning reorganizing our garage full of stuff. It was driving me crazy. I found some stuff that should have never been put out there. I got two beds situated for Bones, our outdoor cat who considers the space to be HIS garage. I found one slightly hibernating lizard (he was a big sucker), and a mama Charlotte spider with her egg sac close at hand. I put some of the baby stuff up into the attic, along with some Christmas stuff that never made it back up. I threw a couple of things away, which I hate doing. But how do you recycle used pillows that are yellowish and dirty from sitting in a garage for over a year? Yuck!

When I was finished, I had a possible Ebay pile, a garage sale pile, a "what in the world are you thinking" pile for Jav and a keep pile. I guess if you just walked into our garage you would never know I had actually put any effort at all out there, but I know, and that's all that matters.

I'll get to the pictures of the remodeled bathroom eventually. We still aren't supposed to mess with the tub, which looks great.

Goodbye pink!

The only thing I didn't really like about this house when we moved in was the guest/kids' bathroom. It wasn't done for guests, or for kids in general. It was decorated for a little girl. A very feminine girly girl. Everything was pink. The wallpaper was pink and gray stripes. The floor was pink and white linoleum. The shower tile was pink and white. The toilet was pink, and the tub was a weird pinky-peach color. It was awful, to say the least. I wanted to gut it and start over. So when we found out we were going to have plumbing work done in the wall, in which the cabinets would have to be moved and the wall torn up, we decided to go ahead and take the plunge and remodel. (A little scary monetarily with one income right now).

So we now have new cabinets with built-in sinks, new floor tile, new shower tile, white walls, and a white toilet. And tomorrow the final step will be finished as our tub gets repainted white. We decided to go with green and white, since green is Jav's and my favorite color, it's gender neutral, and it goes well with the rest of the house. I'm posting the BEFORE pics today, and will get the AFTER pics tomorrow.

Fresh

I'm trying to maintain an herb garden for about the 3rd year in a row. I really want to pay enough attention to them this year to keep them from dying out. I have chocolate mint, basil, lemony thyme, rosemary and oregano. I'd still like to add sage and dill to make it complete for this year. And I love the addition of my St. Francis statue in the middle of my herb garden. It makes it seem like a real garden. I used the basil and the thyme last night to make Provencal Chicken and Stuffed Provencal Tomatoes. (The small white pot was the basil, and I pretty much stripped it clean.) My kitchen still smells like La Madeline this morning! There's nothing more satisfying than going outside and clipping off herbs that you are growing yourself and using them to cook. And we sat outside for dinner in the wonderful cool weather. Since we will not be traveling to France anytime soon, why not imagine using food and atmosphere?

April Fools!!

I'm not one to pull April Fool gags on people. It's hard for me to think of things that won't make people really upset before I break the news that I'm just kidding. But I got my husband today, and I am so very proud.

We recently had alot of plumbing work and remodeling done in our guest bathroom. I told him this morning that when I got out of our shower in the master bath, I went into that bathroom to get something and there was water all over our brand new floor as if something was leaking. I had even closed the bathroom door and put towels down in case the water seeped onto the hardwood floors. He had the "Oh Good God What's Next?" look on his face. As soon as he opened the door I whispered "April Fools". He couldn't get super mad at me because Gabriel was sleeping right next door (also part of my Master Plan). Now I have to be on my guard for the rest of the day. And probably next April 1st.

Now I remember why I never prank anybody.

Fighting the instinct and losing

Well, we found out the reason Gabriel cried so much the first night we tried to skip the nighttime feeding is because he was cutting his first two teeth. He had two brand new little bottom toothies the next day. I felt so bad about just letting him cry for so long. Then the next two nights he slept right through the night. But now he's waking up again sometime between 3 and 5. I decided that I'm not going to worry about it if he wakes up. As my Mom pointed out, if we wake up hungry in the middle of the night, we get up and get a snack. So that's all I'm doing - getting him a snack since he can't get up yet.

Two shows I'll give up sleep for

One, I'm ashamed to admit, is American Idol. I got tired of never knowing what people were talking about, so I've watched it from the auditions this season. And I can't wait to see it each week. If you're a fan, I'm rooting for Blake and Jordin. Blake's updated version of Time of the Season by The Zombies was pure genius last week.

The other show is The Riches on F/X on Monday nights. The main reason I love this show is because of Eddie Izzard (see previous post). He's brilliant in it, even though it's more dramatic than comedic. Minnie Driver is wonderful also. It's such a different premise (a family of grifters decide to steal the American Dream from some dead people), and so far the writing's holding up too. I think this role will finally bring Eddie into the mainstream. After all, now he'll be a cross-dressing comedian, movie AND TV actor. How much more mainstream can you get?

Fighting the instinct

It's three in the morning and I've been up for over an hour and a half listening to Gabriel cry. We're trying to break him of his middle-of-the-night feeding for the first night. Supposedly we have to go through this to get him to realize he'll have to eat more during the day. I've been in to comfort him a couple of times, scratch his back and tell him everything's ok, and once to change his diaper and give him something for teething pain. But I'm not supposed to cuddle or rock him, which goes against every maternal instinct I have.

Oddly enough, this is making me think of the book club selection I finished last night. It was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon, told from the perspective of a boy with autism. He doesn't like to be touched, and instead of hugging, his parents hold up their hands with fingers spread to touch his fingertips, and this means that they love him and he loves them back in his own way. I can't imagine how tough it would be to fight the cuddle instinct all the time.

And now my stomach is growling, but I'll be damned if I'm going to eat anything when I know he's in there hungry. This is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Spring Fever has sprung

And we want to be outside all day long!

It's showtime folks!!

One of my favorite movies of all time is All That Jazz, which is based on the life of choreographer Bob Fosse, but in the movie his name is Joe Gideon. Yes, it's a dance movie, but it's also about human weakness, drive and creativity, and ultimately facing your own death. It's a bit haunting also, because the entire movie is focused around the probability and then reality of Gideon dying from a heart attack, and Fosse actually died from one some time later after this movie was made. Gideon is brilliantly portrayed by Roy Scheider, who chain-smoked, pill-popped and tail-chased his way through the part. There is a recurring scene of Gideon getting himself going every morning with his morning routine. Hot shower, morning cigarette, popping the upper-of-choice for the day, splashing cold water in his face, and finally looking at his reflection and murmuring, "It's showtime folks" while listening to the same piece of classical music-I think it's either Bach or Vivaldi.

Trying to deal with a baby at my age has caused me to feel as if a truck ran over me every morning. It's taking more and more effort to get myself out of bed in the morning. Then it dawned on me this morning that I already have to have the hot shower and the cold water splashed on my face to get me going. I also have found that lately I crave drinks with LOTS of caffeine during the day, and a glass of wine to unwind in the evenings. I have this fear that if we try to have another baby, the uppers aren't far behind.

Rocket Science

I was walking Stanley yesterday and noticed a torn up Nerf rocket in the gutter. This prompted a string of really strong memories from my 5th Grade science project in Mr. Anthony's class. It's amazing to me to think of all the memories our brains have stored up, because this whole thing came back to me clear as a bell. We were supposed to construct a rocket out of balsam wood and test it to see if it would actually fly. I thought about the entire class going to the covered open-air recess area to spray paint our rockets silver. I could almost smell the spray paint and hear the muted rattley sound of the cans when we shook them up, and even remembered the lightheaded feeling I had from the fumes. I could recall how cool they looked hanging there to dry with the sun reflecting off the silver. I also remembered the feeling of absolute dread when it came time to try mine out to see if it worked. I don't think mine ever went anywhere, but there were those teacher's pets whose rockets went waaaaaaayy high up in the air. Science show-offs. And for some reason, all of these thoughts led me to have a strong craving for ice cream sandwiches. Aaahh, the carefree days of elementary school.

Community

Jav and I attended our first ever Neighborhood Association meeting last night. This may not sound like a big thing, but it was for us. We are both really shy and get super nervous about situations like that where we have to walk into a roomfull of people we don't know. But it wasn't that bad. I really want to get more involved in our neighborhood, especially since I'm home right now. We met alot of really nice people and are trying to remember names between now and the next meeting. There are many older people in our neighborhood, but we were glad to see several couples that looked around our ages. It wasn't a real exciting meeting, with most of the talk involving our Code Compliance officer and ALOT of complaints about repeat offenders from residents. But it still felt really good to be sitting there among residents, old and new, with all of us just wanting to solve problems to preserve the beauty and uniqueness of this neighborhood.

I would also like to get more involved at our parish. We had Gabriel's baptism a couple of weeks ago, and it was such a feeling of comfort to think of the whole congregation standing behind our little guy, helping him grow up. We are starting to meet more and more people (it's amazing how holding a baby can break the ice), we love Father Richard and Deacon Tom, and just feel more and more at home each time we attend.

No picky eater here

Gabriel started solid foods about 3 weeks ago, and is loving having a new variety of tastes each day. We've only gotten through the cereals and the vegetables, and will start fruit tomorrow. How exciting! I love to watch his little face every time I give him something new. I know we'll probably go through some stages of not liking much of anything, but right now he seems to be open to just about anything. (I mean, how can anybody be thrilled to try the exciting new taste of mushed-up peas?) I am a firm believer in variety when it comes to food. I don't understand the concept of Meatloaf Mondays, Tuna Casserole Tuesdays, etc... The checkers at the grocery store always groan when they see my basket full of bags of produce, some of which is completely alien to them. I just hope Gabriel will be a lifetime tryer of new foods and tastes. It took me until I was into my late 20's before I realized how good asparagus, brussel sprouts, squash and tons of other vegetables and fruits could be. They just have to be good quality and fresh to begin with and not over- or undercooked. But right now, we'll just focus on getting through sweet potatoes and starting bananas tomorrow.

Unsinkable Molly

There was a new bright star shining in the Texas sky last night. Molly Ivins finally succumbed to breast cancer yesterday. If you've never read her columns or books, it's hard to convey just how much she was a cut above her peers. In this age of plasticine news anchors whose main goal seems to be to entertain us or figure out whether they should stand or sit while delivering the headlines, she managed to rise above the doldrums of the news industry and stick to hard core, intelligent reporting. She was not afraid to tackle any issue or industry, was fantastic at following the money linking big business interests with political donations, and she did it while all along retaining her glorious Texanese language and unfailing sense of humor. She was also able to remain true to herself.

I'm gonna miss her.