Spring Fever has sprung

And we want to be outside all day long!

It's showtime folks!!

One of my favorite movies of all time is All That Jazz, which is based on the life of choreographer Bob Fosse, but in the movie his name is Joe Gideon. Yes, it's a dance movie, but it's also about human weakness, drive and creativity, and ultimately facing your own death. It's a bit haunting also, because the entire movie is focused around the probability and then reality of Gideon dying from a heart attack, and Fosse actually died from one some time later after this movie was made. Gideon is brilliantly portrayed by Roy Scheider, who chain-smoked, pill-popped and tail-chased his way through the part. There is a recurring scene of Gideon getting himself going every morning with his morning routine. Hot shower, morning cigarette, popping the upper-of-choice for the day, splashing cold water in his face, and finally looking at his reflection and murmuring, "It's showtime folks" while listening to the same piece of classical music-I think it's either Bach or Vivaldi.

Trying to deal with a baby at my age has caused me to feel as if a truck ran over me every morning. It's taking more and more effort to get myself out of bed in the morning. Then it dawned on me this morning that I already have to have the hot shower and the cold water splashed on my face to get me going. I also have found that lately I crave drinks with LOTS of caffeine during the day, and a glass of wine to unwind in the evenings. I have this fear that if we try to have another baby, the uppers aren't far behind.

Rocket Science

I was walking Stanley yesterday and noticed a torn up Nerf rocket in the gutter. This prompted a string of really strong memories from my 5th Grade science project in Mr. Anthony's class. It's amazing to me to think of all the memories our brains have stored up, because this whole thing came back to me clear as a bell. We were supposed to construct a rocket out of balsam wood and test it to see if it would actually fly. I thought about the entire class going to the covered open-air recess area to spray paint our rockets silver. I could almost smell the spray paint and hear the muted rattley sound of the cans when we shook them up, and even remembered the lightheaded feeling I had from the fumes. I could recall how cool they looked hanging there to dry with the sun reflecting off the silver. I also remembered the feeling of absolute dread when it came time to try mine out to see if it worked. I don't think mine ever went anywhere, but there were those teacher's pets whose rockets went waaaaaaayy high up in the air. Science show-offs. And for some reason, all of these thoughts led me to have a strong craving for ice cream sandwiches. Aaahh, the carefree days of elementary school.

Community

Jav and I attended our first ever Neighborhood Association meeting last night. This may not sound like a big thing, but it was for us. We are both really shy and get super nervous about situations like that where we have to walk into a roomfull of people we don't know. But it wasn't that bad. I really want to get more involved in our neighborhood, especially since I'm home right now. We met alot of really nice people and are trying to remember names between now and the next meeting. There are many older people in our neighborhood, but we were glad to see several couples that looked around our ages. It wasn't a real exciting meeting, with most of the talk involving our Code Compliance officer and ALOT of complaints about repeat offenders from residents. But it still felt really good to be sitting there among residents, old and new, with all of us just wanting to solve problems to preserve the beauty and uniqueness of this neighborhood.

I would also like to get more involved at our parish. We had Gabriel's baptism a couple of weeks ago, and it was such a feeling of comfort to think of the whole congregation standing behind our little guy, helping him grow up. We are starting to meet more and more people (it's amazing how holding a baby can break the ice), we love Father Richard and Deacon Tom, and just feel more and more at home each time we attend.

No picky eater here

Gabriel started solid foods about 3 weeks ago, and is loving having a new variety of tastes each day. We've only gotten through the cereals and the vegetables, and will start fruit tomorrow. How exciting! I love to watch his little face every time I give him something new. I know we'll probably go through some stages of not liking much of anything, but right now he seems to be open to just about anything. (I mean, how can anybody be thrilled to try the exciting new taste of mushed-up peas?) I am a firm believer in variety when it comes to food. I don't understand the concept of Meatloaf Mondays, Tuna Casserole Tuesdays, etc... The checkers at the grocery store always groan when they see my basket full of bags of produce, some of which is completely alien to them. I just hope Gabriel will be a lifetime tryer of new foods and tastes. It took me until I was into my late 20's before I realized how good asparagus, brussel sprouts, squash and tons of other vegetables and fruits could be. They just have to be good quality and fresh to begin with and not over- or undercooked. But right now, we'll just focus on getting through sweet potatoes and starting bananas tomorrow.

Unsinkable Molly

There was a new bright star shining in the Texas sky last night. Molly Ivins finally succumbed to breast cancer yesterday. If you've never read her columns or books, it's hard to convey just how much she was a cut above her peers. In this age of plasticine news anchors whose main goal seems to be to entertain us or figure out whether they should stand or sit while delivering the headlines, she managed to rise above the doldrums of the news industry and stick to hard core, intelligent reporting. She was not afraid to tackle any issue or industry, was fantastic at following the money linking big business interests with political donations, and she did it while all along retaining her glorious Texanese language and unfailing sense of humor. She was also able to remain true to herself.

I'm gonna miss her.

Favorite Christmas picture 2006

Gabriel update

We went to Gabriel's 4 month checkup today. He is 26-1/2" long and weighs 20 pounds! My arms and back knew he was getting pretty heavy. We've had alot of firsts this week. He started really paying attention to Jav and I eating, and has been trying to grab bowls and plates off the table. He has figured out the button on the musical turtle in his crib will make it light up and change songs if he kicks it. He has started laughing ( a real belly laugh, not just a giggle) when we tickle him, although it's still a rare occurance. He also turned over from front to back for the first time today, while I was out of the room, of course. And the biggest deal is that he started cereal today. So many changes coming so fast. I'm just so so so glad I'm not working and get to see it all.

Recycling rant

I am getting really irritated with the people in my neighborhood. I don't see many recycle bins on the curb when I walk the dogs, just the trash bins. I guess it does take a little extra effort to take the labels off of cans and rinse out bottles and cans, but there's no exuse on the newspaper. I really don't think there's an exuse for not doing any of it, actually. I think I went a couple of weeks where I only recycled the really easy stuff when we brought Gabriel home. But since he's the reason I try to recycle, I gradually worked back up to what I was doing before. Our bin is almost full every week, which I am pretty proud of.

This was the first Christmas where I felt really wasteful for buying wrapping paper. You can't put it in the recycle bin. The bags are reusable, but expensive. I would really like to do something more creative and less throw-awayish next year. The same for gifts. It's amazing how hard it can be to try to get away from the advertising-driven BUY BUY BUY attitude. I know Santa can't really skimp on the kids' gifts, but I hope to have the time to really give thoughtful and environmentally-friendly gifts to the adults next year. We're headed in that direction - we decided to exchange names in our family, with every adult just purchasing and receiving one present. Except that my parents surprised both Jav and I and my brother and his wife with gift cards to purchase trees for our yards, and a promise from my Dad to help us plant them, which I thought was just the BEST gift. I read in one of my Yoga magazine articles about a woman who was only giving gifts in three catagories: 1)charitable gifts in her family members' honor, 2) seeds, bulbs and plants, or 3) family-oriented gifts like board games. I like this idea, and really want to expand on it next Christmas.

Winter, in Texas?

What a lovely couple of days we've had. It turns out the weather was pretty nasty all weekend, but we didn't actually receive the ICY/ARCTIC BLAST that we were warned about until last night. We've been taking care of Gabriel, eating and sleeping, and that's about it. Our metabolisms have been reduced to that of a three-toed sloth. Hibernation can be a good thing!

I made garlic soup Saturday night, which to me is the absolute best thing you can eat on a cold night. You can really feel first your insides then your outsides warming up. Yesterday I made chili in the "slow cooker". When did crockpots become "slow cookers"? And why did the makers of "slow cookers" think that this would be a more glamorous name? Anyway, my food intake has been about twice the normal rate, but I've been moving slower so who knows how many pounds that translates into. But I really don't care. Everybody needs slow-moving weekends like this every once in awhile. It's just sad that it has to ice over to make us slow down and realize it.

Payback

I always make slight fun of all the people who go to the grocery store to stock up on food when we have ice/sleet/snow predicted in North Texas. I mean, even if we actually get one of those things, how likely is it that a) it will stick, and b) it will continue for more than one day. There are always people who have baskets full of food like they are early settlers preparing for the long winter ahead.

We had planned a trip to Fredericksburg tomorrow, just a one-nighter. Our first trip with Gabriel, and I've been packing all day. When the weather prediction all of sudden got worse, we decided to cancel our trip. Thinking we'd be gone this weekend, I didn't do any grocery shopping. I have NO food in the house. No soup, no meat, no fruit. Just peanut butter and bread, and about seven different kinds of cheese. I guess that will have to last us until someone comes to dig us out.

Vacation dreams part 2 (the realistic list)

These are trips that I can actually see taking in my lifetime.

1) Poetry festival. I would love to go to one of these on the East coast during Fall. Poetry, beautiful weather and leaves changing, crisp cool air during the days and cold enough for a fire at night. True perfection.

2) Hiking retreat, with hot showers and gourmet dinners. I do not have the stuff it takes to be a true camper. I don't like feeling grubby for days at a time, and I have a tendency to hate sleeping on the ground. I don't know that I'd even like RV life - I think I'd have a feeling of being a sardine locked inside my tin can at night. So this would be the way to go for me, because I love to hike. The more hills and tough spots the better. But I want to clean up and get a nice meal and a warm bed afterwards.

3) Family beach or mountain trip. This is something I've dreamed about ever since my brother had his first child. I think traveling with the entire family is so special, and the kids will remember those trips forever. I remember traveling places with my grandparents and parents, and it though it was just my brother and I, I have such great memories from those trips. My Mom always talks about the summer that their family and their two neighbors families all traveled to Colorado. She is still best friends with those girls to this day. Now we have kids in both families, and I can't wait for this to actually happen.

Vacation dreams part 1

Upon starting our new book club selection (The Best American Travel Writing 2006), I've been thinking about where I want to go one day. This is my "I can dream, can't I?" list. So here are my three absolute dream vacations:

3 months in Western Europe. I have been to Europe twice, once to Holland and once to Scotland. I stayed in one town for 4 days in Holland, and Jav and I honeymooned for a week in Scotland. These two trips have taught me that I am not an Organized Tour kind of a person. I don't see how people think that going to a different country every day for 2 weeks is seeing Europe. I like to sit in the cafes and watch people. I like to visit the local pub and hear the locals complaining about their soccer team. A museum or historical sight is ok every once in a while, but I do not want to fill up my days inside museums. I want to walk alot and have our own car and explore. I want to spend at least a week in each country, with two for Italy, just because it's Italy, and two for Germany, where I want to trace my ancestors.

3 months in Eastern Europe - Same as above, just different countries

Russia. I have this thing for all things Russian. I'm not sure what the word is for that. Ruskifile? When we found out Gabriel's middle name (Valentin) was Russian, we almost named him Dimitri. But I started thinking it sounded like a soap opera name. Anyway, I'd love to take a SAFE trip there. I read about organized crime running rampant and kidnappings of tourists, so I emphasize SAFE. The architecture in St. Petersburg would probably keep me there for the whole trip.

These are the trips I daydream about while I'm walking the dogs. Next post will be some slightly more realistic trips I yearn for.

Getting sentimental over an inanimate object

If there was one thing that made me excited each Christmas growing up, it was the sight of my grandparents Christmas tree every year. We would celebrate with them on Christmas night, and even though I loved the other gatherings, it didn't really feel like Christmas until we would walk into their house and see that tree. We knew what the evening would consist of - lots of singing to the Brothers Four Christmas album, the delicious smell of bacon coming from the kitchen for our traditional German Christmas dinner, me getting to play Santa's elf and pass out presents, and finally going around the room one at a time to open our gifts. We would always all be rolling on the floor with laughter because my grandmother would get the presents confused (she'd get kind of hectic as Christmas got closer and stop putting tags on things), and not realize it until the recipient had opened the gift and had a very confused look on his or her face. There was such a feeling of love and being safe and warm at their house. Those were the most special evenings of our Christmas every year.

After my grandmother died, I decided to take the tree and start using it. It had held up really well for the 30+ years they had been using it. I also took her decorations, which consisted of my grandfathers homemade ornaments, apples, and lots of things Mamaw had received as presents through the years. I put small multicolored lights on it, just like she had. It made me feel like I was 8 years old and back at their house.

Now that I've put up the tree for 4 years, the cats have gotten the better of it. They have jumped on the lower limbs so many times that alot of them had a permanent bend to them, so much so that they wouldn't stay in the little holes on the tree post. I decided to keep the top half of the tree for either the front porch or Gabriel's room next year. But I threw the rest of it away this morning, with tears rolling down my face. I'm going to miss seeing it every year.

Christmas memories

Things I want to remember about this Christmas:
Gabriel's first Christmas morning, even though he didn't really know what was going on
Christmas Eve Mass with all the dressed up beautiful children
Gabriel loving the sound of the jingle bell wreath
Enjoying walking the dogs, especially Stanley (I've been thinking this will be his last Christmas for three years now. He keeps proving me wrong.)
Shopping for a video camera with Jav, and being so tired that all I could do was focus on the big screen TV playing a Transiberian Orchestra concert.
Gabriel staying awake through both of our family Christmases, even though it was way past his bedtime. (That actually goes for me too).
Trying to put up the Christmas lights while passing Gabriel back and forth
Driving around with Gabriel, my Mom and Cade to look at Christmas lights. We knew Cade was
DONE when he asked if he could go home and watch TV.
April forgetting that the kids could hear her as she mumbled, "oh I remember what that is now" while Cade and Macy opened their Christmas gifts from Santa.
Singing every Christmas carol I know to Gabriel softly to help him fall asleep.
Being so thankful to have both Jav's and my parents healthy and young, and watching them with Gabriel.

Teachers

I just heard an interview on the BBC where the subject was encouraging people to find and thank teachers who may have inspired you.

Coincidentally, I ran into one of my high school teachers while grocery shopping in early December. Mrs. Roberson taught World History to sophomores and Current Events to seniors, and I had her for both. I did not dislike her back then, but I dreaded her classes because she had a tendency to ask questions of everyone in class, and I was terrified of speaking up in class all through high school. In the current events class, we read the newspaper and discussed all things going on in the world, and she would have a quiz once a week. Whoever answered the most questions correctly received extra credit points. I didn't understand why current events were important, and although I occasionally got a question right having to do with entertainment or pop culture, I never won the quiz.

She must be in her late 60's now, but still looks great and is still substitute teaching. I told her that I started listening to NPR in college, and think all the time about how I could win that quiz of hers every week now. I said that even though you don't realize it while back in school, after time goes by you remember the really great teachers, and that she was one of the few teachers I learned something from. She got a kick out of hearing that. She has some fantastic ideas about fixing public education, but no one is really listening to her, which is a shame.

I thought about teaching for awhile, but have changed my mind. I still think it's one of the most important professions because you are molding kids for the future. It's probably also a very rewarding career choice because you can actually see the result of your efforts. But I don't think I could live up to the standards Mrs. Roberson has set in this world of "teaching to the test". I really have respect for the good ones who could stand up in front of a bunch of smart-mouthed teenagers and still manage to get something to penetrate our thick skulls.

Lights Out

I was sitting in the rocker reading Gabriel his beautiful new edition of Goodnight Moon (thanks Tia Sandie) for the first time yesterday around 4 pm. Jav had run out to mail some stuff. We had just finished the book and were sitting very quietly listening to the rain, when a huge flash and the loudest pop I've ever heard seemingly hit right outside his bedroom window. It was like an explosion. Then the power went out. I went to let the dogs in, thinking that something outside might even be on fire. I looked outside and didn't see any flames or smoke, and breathed a sigh of relief. As I was trying to calm my way-too-rapid pulse, two freaked out dogs, several nervous cats and one slightly fussy baby, I busied myself with stumbling all over the house to find first a flashlight, then the electric bill so that I could call to report an outage, then my cell phone. While I was on the ridiculously long call, where I was finally told they knew about the outage and power would be restored by 6 (only an estimate, of course), the city siren started going off.

Well, last time we had a bad storm and that happened, Jav and I realized that we have no inside room to hide out in if a tornado ever is coming our way. We have one tiny hall closet, and the larger closet in Gabriel's room. That's it. So first of all, how are we going to fit humans and pets in these spaces? Secondly, how do you catch four cats when they know you are freaked out so they have decided to hide in places in your house that you don't even know exist? It dawned on me yesterday that all we can really do is pray that it never happens.

I called my parents to find out why the siren was going off, and by then Jav was home. We called George and Billie next door, and found out their power was on. We could see that everyone across the street still had power. We lit candles and prepared for a long night, figuring that the power company had bigger problems to fix other than our one little house. Gabriel fell asleep early (6), and we were sure he wouldn't last long without the dull roar of his humidifier. But the wonderful repair guys showed up around 7pm. They said they had to go into our backyard to see what happened and hopefully fix it. So while I tried to distract two dogs very quietly from noticing that strangers were trampling all over their territory, the men very quickly determined where the lightning had hit (where the line from the pole attaches to our house) and fixed it. Truly heroic people, who travel around in lightning and rain to fix other people's electrical problems. Whatever they make, it isn't enough.

"I am a lineman for the county..." It's going on my Ipod tomorrow.

An award-winning smile.

One of our warm November days on the back porch 

Tired after dancing around to the music from Charlie Brown Christmas 

Songs that transport me

The reason I started thinking about this has to do with my previous post about quitting my job. I was about to leave the house to drive to work and do this very profound thing, and I wanted to listen to some music so I wouldn't be so nervous. For some reason, I remembered what CD I was listening to the day I had my interview 10 years ago (Eric Johnson - Venus Isle), so I thought it would be fitting to listen to the same thing as I drove over to end my time there. It really had an effect on me to realize how much my life has changed in the past 10 years. But I also realized that music is my catalyst for memories. Some people remember what they were wearing at key moments in their lives; I remember what was on the radio.

I think I drive people crazy when we go to restaurants because I can't tune out the piped in mix of music in the background. I always stop in the middle of someone's conversation and say, "good song!" I actually wondered at one point if there was some type of career in making mixes for different restaurants to set the mood. I think I would be REALLY good at this, but I have yet to find out how to get into this very small niche.

I guess I just think music is very important, and can trigger so many different emotional responses. When I have been going through very tough times, I have a tendency to stop listening to music because it makes me very emotional. I remember when our dog Spencer finally succumbed to cancer, there was a Phil Collins song from the Disney Tarzan movie that was playing alot, and I couldn't listen to that song without thinking about Spencer and tearing up. In fact, I still can't.

When I discovered the Buena Vista Social Club outstanding CD of traditional Cuban music, I remember listening to it all the way through for the first time with my Mom driving down to Fredericksburg. We both realized how much my grandfather would have loved the music. Now I can't listen to it without thinking of him and imagining him humming along, or without thinking about that trip with my Mom and how much fun we always have on our road trips.

I won't ever be able to listen to a Carole King song again without thinking of Mom's surprise (sort of) birthday trip and seeing her live. Every time I listen to my Bread CD I think of my Dad, the smell of coffee and lazy Sunday mornings.

When I hear old-school country, especially Buck Owens, I think of Saturday nights at Nana and Papa's house. He would let me ride on his shins like a horse while he watched Hee Haw and Porter Waggoner.

And now, when I dance around the room with Gabriel (something I've discovered puts him to sleep faster and better than any other tactic), I realize I'm combining old memories of much beloved songs with making brand new ones. And even though none of his great grandparents ever got to hold him, they're smiling at the part they're getting to play in his life.

What-no engraved clock?

I am officially unemployed. I quit my job of 10 years last week after deciding that I would be a much happier person without it. Jav is a most wonderful husband to support me in this decision, but he above everyone else knows that I have been unhappy there for a couple of years now.

The owner of the company has always been great to me. He's bought us very generous wedding, housewarming and baby gifts. He's let me borrow company vehicles if one of ours was in the shop. He's approved raises and bonuses for me since I've worked there. But we had some issues about cash flow, and those differences of opinion made my job next to impossible most of the time.

My boss also has been wonderful to work for. She has always treated me with great respect and made me feel like my opinion about company issues really mattered. But we became good friends during the last 10 years, which complicated things in our work relationship.

I had already been out for 2-1/2 months of my 3 month maternity leave when I decided to quit. I tried to make things a little better by offering to work part-time to serve out a two-weeks notice, and even to help train my replacement. They were supposed to think about it and call me. Instead I got a letter saying thanks, but no thanks because you have left us in a bind, but good luck with your new life (not verbatim, but that was the gist of it).

I went up to say goodbbye to everyone and turn in my keys on Thursday. It made me a little sad - there are some really nice people who work there and I will miss them. Everybody was thrilled to meet Gabriel and wanted me to come back and visit often, except for the owner, who could barely look me in the eye and didn't even get up to hug me.

I guess I'm feeling as slighted as they are. After 10 years of working there, with the last 6 dealing with horrible cash flow issues in which the company was never slowed down with vendors refusing to ship because of my juggling of funds, and two years of paying off our bank line of credit with even more juggling, I felt like I at least deserved a hug goodbye and a little more understanding about wanting to be a stay-at-home Mom.

I will not miss the feeling of absolute dread I had started having every Monday morning at the beginning of each new work week. I will not miss having to field calls from angry vendors that we owed money to, or making sure I jotted down exactly when I told people I would pay them. I will not miss having my requests for better payment terms with vendors ignored, or salespeople giving special long terms to customers. I will not miss office politics and gossip.

I guess the only things I'll miss is some of the people and a paycheck.

Besides, I have a much more important job now, one that I enjoy more than anything I've ever done before because of that importance.

Baby talk

Gabriel, who turned 10 weeks old this week, has his own made up vocabulary already. It involves at least 10 or 15 words, half of them said with the use of his tongue. But make no mistake, he is saying sentences. He raises his eyebrows with certain words for emphasis, and says some louder than others. And he uses this Gabrielese to talk to anyone he happens to meet, whether it be in human form, or his bouncy seat animals, or the Snoopy characters on his bumper pad. He loves it when you speak this language back to him, and it almost seems as if he's testing me to make sure I'm getting it all.

Babies are amazing.

Religious rant

I am upset with the Catholic Church. This is pretty much a continual thing, although it complicated matters when I decided to convert to Catholicism when I married Jav.

There are facets of the religion that I absolutely love. I love that the Catholic church emphasizes nature and caring for the earth - go St.Francis! The music is always good. I love the actual service itself, especially on days where you have the Latin chanting and the incense. The feeling that you are participating in something that for centuries has led people to feel closer to God is very comforting to me. I like the ancientness (is that a word?) of it all.

But what I don't like is the ancientness of the Catholic ideals. I won't go into why I disagree with the stance on birth control, stem cell research and gay marriage. My rant today falls on a more personal level - regarding picking out future husbands/wives, and raising children.

My annulment was an awful thing for anyone to have to go through. I do not see how the details of my former marriage have anything to do with the current one. I also did not appreciate the feeling of being judged by a group of people who do not even know me, did not know my ex-husband, and do not know my current husband. It was very difficult to dredge up the past, and made worse by the fact that my family and friends, and my ex-husband and his family, had to be dragged into the whole process. But at least the annulment was approved after almost TWO YEARS of waiting. Luckily we didn't wait for this process, and were married by a Lutheran Bishop. I find it slightly amusing but mostly incredible that this did not qualify as a Holy Union in the Catholic Church's eyes.

The latest thing that has me baffled and upset is the rule about Godparents. They have to be Catholic. If you have people you want involved but that aren't Catholic they may only be called a "Christian Witness".

Now, doesn't the whole Christian idea revolve around "Love Thy Neighbor"? I don't think the early Christians meant to convey, "Love Thy Neighbor, unless they aren't Catholic, then you must only like them because they really aren't as good as we are." The nerve!

But I guess that's the problem with most religions. I remember when my grandmother pointed out to me the similarities between most major religions - Christianity, Muslim, Hindu. I was still in college, and it really opened my eyes. Since then it really rubs me the wrong way when any one sect tries to stick out their chest and prove that their way is the only way to true salvation. Especially when it's the one I belong to. And I have no idea how to fix the problem.

I told Jav I'm going to start lobbying for a Papal Suggestion Box in the foyer, right next to the Holy Water.

blah blah blah blah

I need for our dogs to understand what I'm saying to them for about the next three years or so. Just like in the Simpsons, when Santa's Little Helper finally starts hearing actual words instead of jibberish and saves himself from the pound. It's not the dogs fault. They're just doing what they've always done, which is to bark like mad at every person, dog, cat, squirrel, possum, branch or floating leaf that comes near our yard. The problem is that their favorite barking place is just outside of Gabriel's bedroom window. And even though he seems mostly oblivious to their barking while awake, they do wake him up during the day from his very infrequent and already short naps. So if I could just get them to understand that we still want them to bark, but only if a person is actually trying to come over, under, or through the fence. Of course, I would never take my dogs to the pound, but it would be nice to quit having to run outside hissing loudly for them to hush, then praising them for being such good watch dogs so they won't stop barking at people altogether.

A reflection of thankfulness

I've noticed (maybe because of my addiction to The Food Network) that Thanksgiving seems to have become more about the food than about being thankful for the things in our lives. So I'm reflecting on the things, big and small, that I am thankful for today.

I'm more thankful than ever for my wonderful family, the fact that we are all happy and healthy, and of course for my newest little bundle of love.

I'm thankful for my friends. We may not see each other as often as we'd like in these busy times, but my life would be much less rich without them.

I'm thankful for my pets, for the things they teach me, the moments they make me laugh, and the feeling of comfort just having them around me.

I'm thankful for moments like yesterday on the back porch, swinging with Gabriel in my lap, watching the sun filter through the trees with an occasional leaf falling, and hearing the birds talk to each other.

I'm thankful for my home, for having heat on cold mornings, and for having plenty of food in our cabinets.

I'm thankful for good neighbors like George and Billie. They may be older, but they are definitely wiser than most people I know, and more forward thinking and cool than alot of younger people.

I'm thankful for having a sense of humor and for laughter, with its ability to instantly make you feel better.

I'm thankful for getting to be an aunt to two of the cutest and sweetest kids ever.

I'm thankful for all of my happy memories of Thanksgivings gone by, and for grandparents who, although they are very missed now, left me with so many thoughts, stories and traditions to carry on.

I'm thankful for friendly people, like the woman in line behind me at Walmart yesterday. She was so genuine in her wishes for me to have a happy holiday season. When she looked at Gabriel and said, "You must be feeling very blessed this year", she inspired me to make this list.

I'm thankful for my ever-patient, truly kind, and very loving husband. He gives my life more meaning than I ever thought possible.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Now EAT UP!!!

Bugs are cool

I love to walk my dogs. It's something I really missed doing when I got so big and pregnant and it was 115 outside. I started walking them again two weeks after Gabriel was born, but it wasn't as enjoyable as before, mainly because it felt like my bladder was going to fall out and I was afraid I would trip over it and hurt myself. But all of that's better now, and I'm starting to focus on nature again, which I believe is really what makes taking walks enjoyable. I try to listen to the birds singing and take note of everyone's yard to see any good landscaping ideas. I try not to think about things I need to do at home, or something cute Gabriel did the night before. The here and now is what it's all about.

I was walking Stanley yesterday, and noticed all of these little brownish moths. They were everywhere, and I don't remember seeing them before. I wondered if all moths and butterflies migrate like Monarchs. Then I noticed that the moths look just like falling leaves, and realized that's why they are out this time of year. Nature is really amazing if you just pay attention.

Taken just yesterday, this was the beginning of a huge smile. 

The Halloween costume-in-process that didn't quite make it out the door.  

Just after a bath, which he is learning to like 

Chillin' in the crib 

Gushing over Gabriel

The range of emotions I've experienced over the past almost two months is too broad to go into detail. Having a child was something I wanted to do for 15 years or so, but it never seemed like it would be a reality (or a very smart thing to do) until I met and married Jav. You THINK you are prepared for what your life will be like. But nothing can prepare you for the weight of responsibility you suddenly feel, or for the realization that much of what you used to do doesn't seem very important anymore. Nothing can prepare you for the love you feel either.

I'm amazed to see the changes in Gabriel. It's a little daunting to see a little person's brain develop right before your very eyes. He is so alert and seems to want to take in as much as his senses will let him. He doesn't want to take naps during the day and fights going to sleep like crazy. If he does get to sleep he usually only sleeps for 10 to 15 minutes, then his eyes pop open and he starts looking around like "what did I miss?"

Our hardest time of the day is from 5 to 8pm. I try to start providing a calming environment to start winding down the day - no loud TV or music, no more bright lights, no more toys or activity mat playing. But it's hard to fill that much time. I've started walking him around the backyard, which he seems to really like. And he loves laying on his changing table and showing off for me that he can move his arms and legs, so I've started reading to him after I've changed his diaper and into his sleeper for the night. First I just read from the requisite "Baby's Bedtime Book", but now I've started reading poetry from my favorite poets too. He still is intent on stretching all those newfound muscles, but I like to think that he's hearing some of it. Then I rock him and sing him some of my favorite music - all soothing voices, in my opinion. Steeley Dan, Shawn Colvin, Sting, Indigo Girls. Not really conventional lullabies, but just as effective because I know and love the songs so much. And even when the quiet times are over and the crying has begun, I'm learning how to deal with it. I have a feeling of achievement like climbing Mount Everest when I have rocked him to sleep and put him down for the night.

I watch him sleeping during the day sometimes, and wonder how he can laugh in his sleep when he hasn't actually laughed while awake yet. I love talking back to him in his baby language.

My favorite time is watching him wake up in the morning. He usually focuses first on the light coming through our bedroom window, then checks the ceiling fan, and eventually gets around to seeing me and the biggest grin erupts on his face. That is pure happiness in a bottle for me.

I worry about him picking up on my bad traits or somehow messing him up. I already want the world for him - but at the same time try to remind myself that I just want him to be happy.

We went to Mass for the first time yesterday since the Saturday before I had him. I was kneeling and thinking about how big I was with him last time I was there, and I thought about how much more important, rich, fun and wonderful my life had become - and I started to cry. I'm so incredibly thankful to God for bringing him into our lives.

Post Partum Pontificating

Now that it's been six weeks since I gave birth, I have some observations. This is not about the wonderful little chunklet that is starting to develop his own personality and laugh alot. This is about me.

I am having trouble accepting the fact that I am no longer "eating for two". I gained 42 pounds while pregnant, and lost all but 15 in the first two weeks after giving birth. I thought, "Wow, that was easy!" I had managed to get it down to 12, but now I've gained it back. I wonder if it's because I still am eating GIGANTIC bowls of ice cream before finally taking my two hour nap at night while Jav watches Gabriel. Or because I have The Food Network on most of the time, and as a result am hungry and snack all day, usually on something made out of chocolate. I pretty much ate whatever I wanted while pregnant. It's time to have a sweet-tooth reality check.

Pregnancy does some awful things to your body. I don't have stretch marks, but I have a new and wide variety of varicose veins. My hips have widened so much that I doubt I'll ever get back into my old jeans. And I won't go into all of the issues I'm having due to the birth itself. Suffice it to say that my pee used to come out going straight down, and now it doesn't. But... all of it doesn't matter one iota when I look at the result. And I hope to put my body through it again, probably sooner than it's ready for me to.

One of the hardest and most emotional things I've ever gone through is my attempt at breastfeeding. I guess I didn't start reading about it soon enough (I waited until I had about a month to go), and I underestimated two things. 1) I thought it would be easy, and 2) I didn't realize the deep feeling of closeness it would give me. I am heartbroken that it didn't work out, and am having much more depression about it than I did about not being pregnant anymore. I'm less upset about not being able to provide Gabriel with all of the benefits healthwise, although that figures into it. It's more about the bonding during those moments when you are providing milk for your child, as nature intended it to be.

It's amazing what you can accomplish while being completely sleep-deprived. I guess it's Mom Adrenaline. You have this mad determination to get things accomplished, even though you probably won't get anything at all done. My friend Olga noticed this when I went to get my haircut. She said I was scaring her with that determination, talking too loud and walking too fast. But it's just a survival instinct that kicks in.

Having six pets and one child is like having two children, one of which is bad most of the time.

Well, the baby's up and hungry. I'll post pictures next time and talk more about him, and hopefully it will be sooner than six weeks.

Mad love

Our baby boy is here. I've never felt such a rush of love like this in my life, and it gets sweeter and stronger every day.

Welcome to the world, little Gabriel!

Great books, great friendships

I love the book club I'm in. We called ourselves Free Spirits Book Club, because we didn't want to have too many rules. The first book club I was in had alot of rules, and I thought most were ridiculous.

We meet on the 1st Wednesday of the month, right now alternating between a member's house for dinner and eating out. We don't have books picked out for the eating out meetings, and it's fun to just catch up with everybody over dinner without discussing a book (although with a bunch of read-fiends like us, books inevitably come up anyway).

We want everyone to come, even if they didn't finish the book (even if they didn't pick up the book), which I'm finding out is unusual for a book club. I think the only suggestions we have regarding book selections is no blatant religious or political topics that might offend someone. Other than that, anything goes. Along with plenty of current fiction, we've read a couple of non-fictions, a play, and historical fiction. I can't remember anyone choosing a classic yet. We might get some moans and groans, but I think everyone would at least try. I've read some great things I would have never picked up otherwise. And it's just so interesting to hear different perspectives. Our ages range from 30's to 60's, all of us with diverse backgrounds and outlooks. The only things you have to have in common is a love of reading and an appreciation of female frienships.

Even though I knew over half of them before the club started, the women in the club have all become even more special to me. I know we're getting at least one new member this month, and we have two more possibly thinking of joining, and I'm looking forward to hearing what they bring to the discussion. I'm determined to keep going even after the baby comes. I would miss everyone too much, and my soul needs it.

October Book Selection: (Sue's choice) The Reading Group by Elizabeth Noble
Review: 430 pages and I couldn't put it down. I read it in 4 days, some kind of record for me (plus I have alot of time on my hands at the moment). I could identify with several of the characters SO MUCH. It's about a group of women who form a reading group, and the twists and turns their lives each take throughout the first year of the group.

Ready and waiting, waiting, waiting...

Everything's done. The nursery is ready. The clothes are washed and hung up, the furniture is all put together, the pictures are hung. The bag is packed for the hospital. I think we are finally prepared for this monumental happening that is about to take place. But all we can do is wait. The biggest change in your life, and you have NO control over when it happens. Wow.

Good old Stanley, posing. My Mom spray painted her old nightstand, and we found the waste basket on Ebay.

Our theme-two of my husband's favorite things, Snoopy and sports.

Fresh Air!

After the wonderful day of rain we had Labor Day, the air is so different outside. I have been enduring this summer for about as long as I can stand it, and for the first time this morning was able to open up every window (that works) and air out the house. I don't think I've done that since sometime in May. It feels so good!!!

I have a friend at work that claims her allergies are so bad that she can never open up any windows in their house, and rarely spends any time outside. I feel so sorry for her - but my very uneducated theory is that if she'd just spend more time outside, maybe her system would get used Texas air (she's originally from Illinois). I couldn't live that way. I'd feel like I was on an airplane all the time, breathing the same air over and over again.

We've already decided that next year's big money house project is to replace all of our windows. These original windows are kind of cool. They basically have three diagonal panes with two horizontal panes with screens between them, and open with a hinge. But there are quite a few panes with screen missing, and some hinges that are stuck shut. Plus the windows all leak all kinds of air, probably just because the house has settled so much in 40+ years. So I'm really excited about replacing them. We get to have even more ventilation when we want it, and less energy costs when we don't!

The Money-Hungry Dog Whisperer

I love watching The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel. I have learned so much about what I should have done to train my dogs better. Stanley's 12 and 1/2 and I don't think I see him changing much - and frankly don't think he should have to at that age. But I still have hope that we can remove a little of the dominance out of Molly. We are, of course, a little concerned about bringing a new baby home and how the dogs will react, and I saw a great episode about just that. In the show, Caesar used a special, new harness to get a dominant dog to start treating the humans walking him as pack leaders. It had one strap way up right under the dog's jaw, one farther back on the neck, and one strap behind the dog's shoulders. It was a really interesting show, because apparantly dogs automatically know once the baby is born that he is a pack leader also, being our offspring, albeit a very tiny one at first.

Well, we decided to try to find this newfangled harness and couldn't find one at Petsmart, or anywhere online. So I emailed the Dog Whisperer on his website, where they encourage questions of any kind, asking about the harness. I'm not sure what kind of help I expected, but what I didn't expect was finding THREE emails the next morning trying to hawk Caesar's books and upcoming video. This continued for a couple of days, and then I unsubscribed, even though I had never subscribed in the first place. I still like watching his show, I guess, but I've lost alot of respect for him now. And I still haven't found the blasted harness.

Neighbors

We have some great neighbors that really seem to care about each other. When we moved in, we introduced ourselves to everyone right around us. We have the best neighbors ever next door, George and Billie, who we guess are in their late 70's or early 80's and have lived in their house since it was built in the 50's. We always chat with them when we're both outside, which is pretty often. We've even gone so far as to take them some banana bread, and they've given us some muffins. We also tried to talk to our other next door neighbor, Roland, who was 82, a widower and a little gruff. But he seemed to enjoy our company the couple of times we talked with him. Unfortunately he passed away about a month ago, and now his house stands empty. We're not sure what his family plans to do with the house. But we really haven't spoken much to our across-the-street neighbors since we moved in.

A couple of months ago one of them was trimming some tree branches from a ladder after some strong winds had knocked them down to his roof. He fell and was knocked unconscious, and another neighbor ran to tell his wife to call 911. The last update we've had is that poor Gerry was in a medically induced coma, supposedly so that the surgeon could put steel posts in his neck and hopefully reverse any paralysis that has set in since the fall. Several of our neighbors have been taking care of his wife, getting her car battery replaced, feeding her cat during the first few weeks when she was at the hospital nonstop, doing yardwork, driving her to the hospital if she needs a ride. I think this is wonderful, but it seems like reverting back in time to see people pulling together in a community.

I was lucky with the rent house where I lived previously, having Mike and Susan next door, but I had known them already half my life. All of my other neighbors were a little scary and I had no desire to get to know them better other than briefly saying hello from time to time. So I'm not used to this caring neighbor thing. I want to let Gerry's wife know that we are thinking about them and to let us know if she needs anything, but I just can't seem to get the nerve up to go knock on the door, having only spoken to her once before. I feel like I'm invading her privacy. I'm determined to get over whatever is holding me back, though. I want to be a good neighbor too.

I love TV again

Jav very much surprised me with a DVR for my birthday. We had batted the idea around, thinking that once the baby comes our TV watching hours may be very strange, but we sort of ruled it out based on cost and I thought that was the end of it. Turns out he had already run with the idea (sorry, honey, but you must admit it was a Homer gift!).

I had almost stopped watching TV three or four years ago. But since I met Jav I have rediscovered how fun it can be to catch your favorite shows every week. And no matter how bad it may be for your brain, it's nice to unwind to. Right now we're excited about the US Open, and catching some of those matches that they show while we're at work. We want to see Agassi hopefully go out with a bang. As far as network shows, I know we'll be taping The Office and My Name is Earl every week. And we'll be excited to start the Sopranos once it's back. I'd also love to have the time to catch The Daily Show every night, and maybe even add one of the late night guys. I think I'm still a Letterman fan above everybody else, but with the option to go later I'm curious about Conan and Craig Ferguson (who my Mom thinks is great). But I doubt I'll have the time or energy to watch that much TV. It's just nice to know it's there if I do.

Friends

My friends threw me a wonderful baby shower. Great food, advice, conversation and friendship coming together to celebrate this little cause of wonder I have inside me. I'm very thankful that we've all stayed close throughout the years. I am not one to make close friends very easily. I've made a few through work. I'm feeling closer and closer to my sisters-in-law as we all get to know each other better. I hope to make some through church. But it's such a great feeling to get together with my high school friends and slide right back into wherever we left off. The years just disappear, and all the talking and laughter we share is so therapeutic and valuable to me. I hope we can manage to keep it up for many years to come.

Thanks again Audra, Jana and Julie!

Project Runway FEVER

My favorite show of the moment is Project Runway. It's just so fun to watch. I've been addicted since the first season. I think it has something to do with being amazed (and a little jealous) that the designers can come up with outfits so fast, going from drawings to material scraps to finished runway pieces in one or two days. It's also a personality goulash where you get to see all aspects of human competition, from teamwork and respect to bitchiness and downright cheating. The show's also made me a big fan of Heidi Klum, who is not just another Victoria Secret model. She's the producer, proving to have quite a brain in hitting the jackpot of reality shows. She's also very family-oriented and grounded.

I've been ok at picking the final three contestants-so here goes my prediction for this season's final winners: 1) Michael, the very cool and extremely nice and grounded kid from Atlanta who calls his Mom when he gets stressed out; 2) Uli, the quiet and unassuming German girl who loves prints and does amazing things with them and 3) Jeffrey, the neck-tattooed rock and roll designer from Austin who is starting to clash with everyone.

Is it Wednesday night yet?

Swollen and Salt-Free (sort of)

Since I am nine months pregnant in one of the top-ten hottest summers Texas has ever seen, my ankles pretty much resemble those of a small elephant's from the time I get out of bed these days. It hasn't helped that my work has finally realized that I will be gone awhile and people will have to do what I do - so they have me running around trying to train 4 different people. My legs got so bad Thursday and Friday that Jav and I decided to give up some of my vacation time that I was saving for after the baby comes. I went to half-days today, which should help. I'll still be off the same amount of time, but we'll have less money to stretch out while I'm off.

Because I'm getting so swollen, I'm trying to find meals that have the least amount of sodium, which has proved to be sort of hard. We're pretty much down to grilling meats, and having sides of fresh fruits and vegetables and a little bread. I am not one to buy canned vegetables or frozen dinners, so I guess the transition has been easier for me than some. But I'm still amazed at the amount of salt in foods I never would've thought had much. My cranberry juice has 250 mg - why? The lunchmeat with the lowest amount was roast beef, which also surprised me. And don't even get me started on salad dressings. I've become even more addicted to label reading than I was before, so it took me an hour and a half to get through grocery shopping yesterday. (It didn't help that the Braxton-Hicks got really strong while I was there and I was stopping to breath every other aisle-but I learned it's a great way to clear out a crowded aisle!)

Critic's Corner

We've watched several movies over the past few months that I never commented on. I think we've finally caught up on watching the Best Movie nominations for last year's Oscar's (except for Munich, which neither of us wanted to see).

We had already seen Crash, which won Best Picture. I now can say with a clear conscience that I agree with them, although I must admit the reason is more about the themes of racism they explored more than anything else about the movie.

We saw Good Night, and Good Luck about three months ago. Here's where I have to admit pregnancy may have affected my normal movie watching skills. I thought there was waaaaayyy too much talking and was slightly bored by the movie, even falling asleep for a part of it. I loved the jazz singer all the way through, though. Jav thought it was better than I did. I probably need to give it another chance one day to see if it was just hormonal.

Truman held my attention all the way through, and I thought it was the next best nominated movie after Crash. You should watch just to see Phillip Seymour Hoffman's amazing transformation into Truman Capote. He is great - and deserved to win every Best Actor contest for last year. The story itself is riveting, especially since it's based on actual events. I found myself thinking about the movie for weeks afterwards, especially pondering the question - how would it make you feel to know that your biggest success, including money and fame, was caused by other people's tragedy? It got me to thinking about all the books and movies coming out about 9/11 right now. Any movie that gets my brain juices flowing that much will be always well-remembered.

We watched Brokeback Mountain last weekend. It was as good as everyone's told me, and the acting was tops. Heath Ledger's performance was so subtle and understated, but SO moving and powerful everytime he was on the screen. Seeing this movie definitely made me a fan of his for life. I thought the story itself was sweet, sad and poignant.

A couple of other Oscar nominated performances are worth a mention:

I tried to watch Syriana, but found it so complex and all-over-the-place that my muddled brain couldn't take it. Jav and my Dad both fought it through to the end, but were still confused about parts of the story. Plus it's hard for me to watch something that's so close to actual events taking place right now that are so upsetting.

The Constant Gardener, with Rachel Weisz that won Best Supporting Actress, was an example of a complex plot that was followable (is that actually a word?) It had a very intriguing story, amazing acting and directing, but the horribly upsetting subject matter of the African people and their daily life amidst war and poverty. I'm still really glad we saw it, though.

Now, the best movie we've seen during this time period came out in January 2006 (and the fact that we agreed on that point says alot). Match Point, directed by Woody Allen, was unexpectedly brilliant and totally not what we were expecting. First of all, I figuired Woody Allen would be in it, which he is not. I am a fan of some of Woody Allen's movies, and this movie most reminded me of Crimes and Misdemeanors, which is my second favorite behind Hannah and Her Sisters. But it's even better. I thought the movie was very much like an Alfred Hitchcock thriller. You were on the edge of your seat the whole time. And the way the story plays out with the narration of the main character is just genius.

Preview of Coming Attractions:
We have a French thriller called Cache, The Wedding Crashers and Finding Nemo (no, believe it or not we haven't seen it yet) to watch and review soon.

Molly

Molly was a stray dog I found where I work. I took her in the hope that my parents would want her. And when they didn't, I felt responsible and kept her, much to the dismay of the rest of the pets in the household. This was pre-Jav days, so it was just me, myself and I making decisions. Molly ended up being the biggest challenge I've been faced with as an animal lover. She grew, and ended up big (95 pounds), but she thinks she's lap-sized. She is smart, but has a hard head and a will of steel like no other animal I've run across. She looked like a very skinny long-legged Rottweiller when I brought her home. The vet guessed that her other part (or one of them) was hound dog, just because of her lackadaisical countenance. I had to dig down deep and find a mixture of unbelievable patience and psychological toughness I didn't know I had before I met her. And I think I will be a better mother because of it.

We embarked on a journey filled with chew toys, training classes, and book and manual readings galore. She apparantly was hungry for quite some time as a puppy, because she is food-fixated beyond belief. She has eaten, killed or chewed on, in no particular order, kleenexes, cat toys, newspaper, lizards, quick-dry cement, birdseed, home siding, birds, rocks, rats, and her favorite - sticks. Lately her diet (besides her special extra-expensive dog food that the vet prescribed because "at least we can control PART of what she eats") has been slimmed down to birdseed, lizards and sticks, these being the only things still found in the new yard after we moved.

Molly was a rare stray in that she apparantly was never really mistreated by anyone, and so shows no fear of anything. Someone did at one point try to tie her up (when she wandered into our warehouse at work she had a ripped rope around her collar). She also goes nuts if you try to keep her contained in a dog run or outside pen. But other than that she is a goofy and joyful dog, who you will find just as often on her back with all four legs sprawling everywhere as you will right side up. Many nights we find her snoring in her kennel flat on her back.

She's come a long way, and is now relatively obedient most of the time. She is a joy to walk or run, keeping exact pace with you no matter how slow or fast you want her to go. And although she still has the bad habit of barking at other dogs that wander by our house, now she seems to be turning into quite a watch dog when it comes to people too. I doubt many criminal types would try to venture into our yard just upon the sight of her, but couple that with her viscious bark and I don't think anyone would be crazy enough to mess with us. She still has a weird habit of barking really ferociously, then retreating as if she's a little nervous with her newfound authority. My Mom thinks she's conflicted between her Rottweiller personality of guarding house and home and her hound dog personality of lounging on the porch thinking about her next meal and not really giving a damn.

All I know is I love her something awful. It's been a hardfound love, but that's what makes it even more special.

Molly, a.k.a. the Mollster, Molly Polly Wog, and the ever popular Molly, No!!!!! 

My excellent birthday gift

Jav took me to see these guys Saturday night. I've never seen anything like them. They were wonderful. Here's the review - although I think the reviewer's being a little unfair to the guitarist who made faces. I didn't think it distracted from the music at all. It was a great birthday present. Thanks Jav!

Magical

I saw two different hummingbirds today in our yard. A very dark colored one in the front yard sipping from a penta, and a lighter one in the back yard flitting around our smaller crepe myrtle. It made me wonder if the people who lived here before us had a feeder, or at least more flowering plants planted in the backyard. So I felt guilty and found the very cheap hummingbird feeder that I bought a few years back but never did anything with, made the homemade nectar, and now it's hanging from the back patio. Hopefully the little guy will come back and try again.

Nature in motion

We went to the Japanese Gardens over Fourth of July weekend. My grandparents used to take my brother and I when we were young, and now I like to go there about once a year. It's very peaceful and beautiful, but the best part of our visit was The Bird. We've been trying to figure out what kind of bird he was since this happened. We were sitting in one of the many gazebos, feeding the koi and turtles, and all of sudden this bird flew up and landed on a branch above the water, about three feet away from us. He was grayish blue and pretty big, as big as some of those big ole crows that we get, and he had a really long skinny feather going from the back of his neck down his back, mullet style. Jav wondered if he was native to our area, and we both decided he probably wasn't. Then we wondered if he was brought in on purpose, or if he was migrating and discovered a Garden of Eden and decided to stay a while. He remained very, very still for a LONG time. We thought he wanted some of our fish food. But he had no interest and just kept sitting really still and watching us. All of a sudden, he dove in and came up with a fish! He swallowed it in about three or four big gulps, then fluffed out his feathers on the back of his neck, and flew away. We were awestruck, and feeling a little humbled that we didn't figure out that he wanted was not our fishfood, but what we were feeding with our fishfood. I know he must've been sitting there thinking, "and they call me a birdbrain!"

I've also never seen a gull with a feather mullet. 

He looks a little like a seagull, but I've never seen a seagull stay that still. They're always dive bombing trying to get snacks. 

Brain-dead entertainment

Jav and I have this strange thing in common. We like to watch those Time-Life CD compilation infomercials late at night. We caught the Best of Disco last Saturday night, with KC (yes, that one, formerly with the Sunshine Band) and a very perky and bouncy infomercial model/aspiring actress. I guess this shameful habit is made up of part reminiscing, part amusement at the clothes and hairstyles in the music clips, part competition (Jav had heard of way more songs than I had - which means I won because that makes him older), and part just loving the fact that you can completely turn off your brain to watch it. You'll find us there, remote in hand, searching for Classic Country Hits, or Instrumental Favorites, after we've given up on Saturday Night Live and lost all TV watching dignity.

Great meals

We went to my brother and sister-in-law's for lunch today, which is always fun. But I had to comment on the food today. You couldn't have paid for a meal better than that anywhere. Philip cooked a brisket in the crockpot and grilled some chicken breasts, both of which just melted in our mouths they were so tender and juicy and full of flavor. April made red potatoes with cheese, Mom made Golden Glow (a lemon and orange jello mixture with shredded carrots and crushed canned pineapple that was one of my grandmother's favorite recipes), and I contributed with fresh green beans with walnuts and lemon juice. April also made a wonderful cheesecake and topped it with strawberries and blueberries. Cade's award winning comment of the day was, "Daddy, I gotta tell ya, I love this brisket. I reaaaaaaaaaaally love it." I think we all felt that way.

There's nothing so special as sitting around a table with your family, sharing laughter and good food. We are so blessed to be able to do it so often.

The Cheesecake 

Nothing like a little leggo creavity to get the gastronomic juices flowing. 

Macy was still happy even though she had canned green beans and mac and cheese. 

Philip and April busy in the kitchen 

Bugsy was hoping for sloppy eaters and brisket pieces 

Easy money-and less clutter

We had a successful first-time Ebay sale a few weeks ago. We sold Jav's old kitchen table and chairs. We ended up getting more than twice our starting asking price, which just made me giddy thinking of more possible sales. We named our Ebay store Molly and Stanley's Attic after our dogs. I thought it sounded very old-fashioned and grandmotherish and would pull in people's curiosity. So now we're going to try to sell my antique green velvet couch.

This week we also gave our other garaged couch to a friend of mine at work who just got her own place. Even though we were hoping to sell it, it felt good to be helping her out.

And today, I sold our old A/C window unit for $50.00 to a guy a work. He had said he really needed one yesterday, but I told him we needed to make sure it was cleaned up and working well after sitting in the garage since we moved. When I called him this morning, he said he had already bought a new one, but he'd still take a look. Well, I talked up that it was barely used, and that it still blew really cold air, and he eventually gave me cash for it right on the spot. Of course, I did come down on the asking price by a little. And of course, it was 100 in the shade at the time. But still, I was pretty proud of my salesmanship skills.

We're getting closer to saying hello to our other garage car space! And without any mention of that most dreaded of all dreaded things - a garage sale.

This is Laggan Farms, where we stayed in Mull-a working sheep and highland cattle farm doubling as a B&B. It was like going back in time.

Patio update

Ever since we changed up the back patio, it's been too dang hot to go outside. My car thermostat said 109 today. Every summer about this time I start wondering why I still live in Texas. I checked the weather for The Isle of Mull, our favorite spot we found in Scotland. High of 64, slight chance of showers. Heaven!

Every happening patio needs a Tiki Torch candle. Thanks, Gracie, for one of the coolest presents I've ever received! 

Nighttime view of our new lights.  

The caladium and salvia have thrived so far this summer.

The back porch

Since we've only been in our house since November, it's taken me a little while to get adjusted to our new yard. But I'm discovering that the Nesting Stage of pregnancy involves more than just getting the nursery ready. My project for last week was the back porch. It's not a big space, but it's cozy enough for a porch swing, bistro table, and a grill. And the dogs to lounge on.

I added some old but comfy pillows to the porch swing, bought some cool lights (on sale-yay!!) at Target, and instantly our porch became a funner place to hang out. Of course, it's helped to have some slightly cooler weather lately. I still want to paint the porch swing and add a few sturdy side tables to put books and drinks on - then I'll be done, at least until next spring!

My creative outlet

I have discovered a deep love for gardening. I don't care how hot, cold, windy, or even sometimes rainy it is, I love to be outside tinkering in my yard. I'm constantly surveying it to figure out what I want to do next.

Of course, when you discover you love something, you start wishing you could do it every day instead of just here and there on the weekends or weeknights. So a year or so ago, I investigated a few plant-oriented career options. Without much luck, though. I thought about a horticulture degree, but the nearest college to offer one would take 1-1/2 to 2 hours to get to one-way. Not an option! I figure working at a nursery would probably take me down more than a few notches in pay, so that's out. My boss and I joked that we should open our own nursery and call it "Two Burned-Out Accountants". We figured the name alone would peak customer's curiosity to get them in the door, and our sparkling personalities would take care of the rest. But it was really just daydreaming talk.

Since none of these options will pan out, it looks like I'm stuck with the goal of making "Yard of the Month" in our neighborhood. We get a picture in the monthly newsletter and a nice description. I'm partially there - I think we have the prettiest border in the whole East Side of Fort Worth.

I think the best therapy in the world is digging in the earth and planting things. Here's a quote I found in an old gardening book while staying in a really neat B&B in Fredericksburg:

All my hurts
My garden spade can heal. A woodland walk
A quest of river grapes, a mocking thrush,
a wild rose or rock-loving columbine,
Salve my worst wounds.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pretty darn funny

Check these out-the worst album covers of all time.

Entitlement vs. obligation of responsibility

Something I'm noticing more and more these days is the fact that we as Americans feel entitled to certain rights and priviledges, which I don't have a problem with. The problem occurs when you don't mix any sense of responsilibity into that entitlement. For example, we are entitled to have a safe place to live. But does this mean we should build the biggest house on the block, which will not only waste land space and building materials, but also energy to heat and cool? Also, we feel we are entitled to cars that get us safely back and forth to wherever we need to go. Do we not also have a responsibility to buy vehicles that use less gas, and to maintain that vehicle so that it releases the least amount of exhaust into the air? And what about recycling, and water conservation - small things requiring little effort, but that could make a big difference?

Which leads me to the money issue. I know that income makes a difference. I will even come clean at this point. With a child on the way and two big dogs, we needed something bigger than our Honda Civic. I will admit that we ended up buying a small SUV after realizing that station wagon prices had exploded to a range higher than our budget. But I feel really guilty driving my car on ozone-level warning days. And if a person is working two jobs just to make sure his or her family has food on the table, pollution or urban sprawl probably does not rate very high on your list of priorities. I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about people who are making a pretty good living and SHOULD be thinking about these things. Why don't more people think less of "me, myself and I", and more about their communities and the greater good of everyone? I understand that America was built on individualism and the "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps" mentality. But I wish I could talk to the founding fathers and ask if the "pursuit of inalienable rights" meant that you could forego any sense of community and step on anybody and everybody just to reach this goal. Somehow I doubt it. And I also don't think they meant for us to make sure we had the biggest and best compared to all of our neighbors. But how do you change this mindset? How do you make people see the bigger picture? I just don't have an answer for that one.

Lightbulb over my head for the day

Way to partially solve the energy crisis: Take a small portion of every dollar of profit the oil/gas companies are making and put it into public transportation development. I'm talking trains, train tracks and secure depots in every suburb, stops along Farm to Market roads. I know everyone is always saying that Europe's system won't work in the US because we are too big and sprawling, but isn't it at least possible as long as the money is available? And think of the jobs all of that construction would create! The only hitch is how to make the oil and gas companies do it. Maybe a portion of the tax we already pay when we buy gas could be funneled into this project. Because the whole point would be to start weening us Americans off of our attachment to our cars (and speaking from experience - even certain people who read this blog who have chances to take the train to work don't want to give up his or her vehicle.) How to change THAT mindset, speaking in my best West Texas lingo, is a whole 'nother problem.

Super-sized lessons

I've been watching a new TLC show, Honey, We're Killing the Kids. The show has a nutrition and diet expert coming into homes to help the entire family eat healthier and excerise more - with the motivation for the parents of knowing their kids will live longer. She spends three weeks coming up with new goals for everyone to reach. Several things about the show fascinate me.

One is watching the kids, used to pretty much nothing but fast food and junk food, almost get sick eating healthy food. I can sort of see this, because I got addicted to fast food in college. It has taken me years to lose the desire to run by a fast food restaurant for lunch every day. I think it really does alter your taste buds, because I never really enjoyed eating fruit until now, but now I'm starting to crave nectarines and pears instead of Big Macs.

Another thing that just floors me is that the Moms on the show (not to be sexist, but they are always the ones doing the grocery shopping), have no clue what some of the fruits and vegetables on their healthy buying list even look like. They have to get the stockers at the grocery stores to help them find the asparagus.

And the Dads do so little to help. Not only with meal preparing and cleaning up, but with disciplining the kids. All the families on the shows I've watched seem to have that in common.

It's normally a pretty interesting outcome, although I wonder how long the transformation will keep up after the three weeks is over. Just doesn't seem like a long enough time to change years of bad eating and exercise habits. But I guess credit should be given to TLC for at least bringing the issue into the limelight a little more.

The ugly truth

Something in my life has caused me to become a complainer. I don't think I used to do this. I complain about the little complexities of life that can drive you crazy. I complain about how I feel. I complain about how there's never enough time to get everything done on my to-do list in my head. The weird thing, though, is that I consider myself to be pretty happy person. In fact, I am at the happiest place I've ever been in throughout my whole adult life. I honestly can't figure out why I do this. I guess complaining is like nail-biting - a very bad habit that I need to break. I think something that may help is focusing more on the current moment, and not thinking so much about what I need to do tomorrow, or when I get home from work, or what I didn't get done the day before. It's really hard to actually do, though.